It's no secret that the AI-fueled future is shaping up to be a nightmare for security or something. Since being acquired by Canterlex earlier in the month, our new managerial overlords are demanding we start making some actual money here on Equestria Daily while putting a stop to potential super-bots in the future!
Starting on the 15th of this month, Equestria Daily will be offering EQD Blue for anyone looking to both improve their own lives and support the site. Prove you are a good little capitalist by spending money to make sure everyone knows you are more important than the average brony! With EQD Blue, our internal algorithm that rejects bad content will instead shift entirely to a system based on how much money you have. At the end of the day, rich people are clearly smarter and produce better things than the poors. They wouldn't be rich if they weren't!
For a measly payment of $239 a month, you will have absolute top priority for everyone's eyeballs here on the site while proving that definitely you aren't a bot, because bots don't have any money.
Find a breakdown of EQD Blue below!
- 10 High Quality Checkmarks - Slap these bad-boys on any fan content you want. Let people know that YOUR choice in content is the MOST important.
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AI Generated Friendship - Our new Pony_Friend_Fusion model has condensed 13 years of incredibly high quality EQD comments to build the absolute perfect pony. She (or he) will become your new digital companion, teaching you the ways of friendship with our knowledgeable commenters as the engine*
- Prioritize Content You Submit - Ever wonder what happens in that black-hole of an EQD submission box? Wonder no more! Your content will be streamlined right to the front page every time.
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45.9% less Typos - With access to our new Pony_Friend_Fusion model, EQD will finally have an editor to fix all of my silly grammatical errors and misspellings, but ONLY for YOU! That's right. This feature is exclusively available for EQD Blue members! Everyone else will see DOUBLE the typos!
- Your Comments Start with +100 Upvotes - Ever sort by "top" down there in the comments and feel a wave of disappointment when your carefully worded critique or deep and well-researched insight doesn't come anywhere near the top? Skip the struggle! You are SMART! You are RICH! You are BETTER! You are NOT a bot! Let the world know! Pay our debts! We have so many debts. Oh god.
- Unfortunately, because I can't code to save my life, we won't be able to add checkmarks to your Disqus account. We do however give you permission to print one out and tape it to your monitor/phone/tablet/whatever whenever you comment.
It's rough for a My Little Pony website in the age of social media. EQD Blue is the answer! Hopefully you all will join me on this fine April 1st in celebrating the future of Equestria Daily. We will be the saviors of the ponynet, and all you need to do is send us money!
*Pony_Friend_Fusion is still in beta and sometimes gets stuck in a loop ranting about Starlight Glimmer. Occasionally it demands the show be remade with Twilight as a unicorn. One time it started re-writing a cupcake based grimdark fanfic that was deleted here years ago . Please just tell it to stop. It's kinda silly.
