The world of Analysis is something we treasure here in the brony fandom. No community out there comes close to our ability to dig deep into a topic and pull out absolutely anything we can. Literally anything. We might even padd it with some extra dirt, or just add entirely different dirt. It doesn't really matter because it's a cartoon about magical ponies and magic+analysis is... magic.
Yes. Well anyway, today we are going to Analyze Izzy and come up with a bunch of 100% irrefutable facts and theories about her character based on heavily researched exploration into everything we have about her so far.
Please join us below as we discuss 10 things you didn't know about the incredible Izzy Moonbow!
Long ago in an Equestria not quite like the one Izzy currently inhabits, there was a socially awkward moon princess who was super lonely...again Like, to the point of desperation. This went on for around 50 or so years until an industrious pony software engineer invented the first dating app. Finally an introvert with a messed up sleep schedule like her could finally find love!
Or at least that's what she thought. Turns out, in an Equestria where the mare to stallion ratio is 10 to 1, the only messages she ever got were from bots, scammers, and ponies that were very rude about how small her flank was. "No junk in THAT trunk lolol" and "You should get on whatever diet Celestia is on cuz GODDAMN have you SEEN your sister's booty?" was a regular message. How unfortunate. Also "Pon-i Fnder" as it became known as in it's final release split the pony tribes again and broke friendship or something, but that's not really what we are analyzing is it?
Anyway, This lead to another angsty freakout and timeout on the moon, where Luna decided to take matters into her own hooves. With another 1000 years of boredom ahead of her, she decided to just experiment with whatever magic she could come up with. After cycling through everything from clones to demon summoning and transmutation, out popped Izzy one day! You can clearly see her Luna-ish features via coat color and mane color which are slightly color-shifted versions of Luna's season 1 form. A clear relation. This also means that...
She keeps it a secret from her friends, but she actually is a space pony, at least a moon pony. In an almost ironic twist of fate, it turns out she couldn't actually breathe on the moon, so instead of finally having a companion, Luna was forced to ship her off to Equestria where she was plopped down in the middle of Canterlot and adopted by a unicorn couple who were absolutely amazed at her pretty white horn. Unfortunately that's about all they wanted, so her foal years were pretty much entirely built around the idea that she'd be an ornament passed around in high society for her parents to show off. At the age of 10 she decided she had had enough and escaped. Which brought on the next chapter of her life...
Izzy Was the Star Attraction of a Traveling Griffon Circus Squad
Cliche? What? No one does this one anymore though. When was the last time you heard someone say they ran away and joined a circus?
Regardless, the griffons were thrilled to have a unicorn on board. After the re-segregation of Equestria due to the "Pon-i Fnder" app, their race was once again an absolute mess due to the lack of direction from pony leadership, and they saw this as an opportunity at a chance to relive the good times of strolling around Canterlot getting their talons done and accidentally tearing holes in clothing at Rarity's botique with said freshly sharpened talons. Their unicorn was the ticket back into pony society!
Izzy quickly became a favorite as their resident storyteller, using her perky personality to liven up a tale better than anyone. She was so successful in fact, that the circus quickly gained a rabid following that would travel with them from town to town. Eventually they started to worship her, also spurred on by the griffons who were making a fortune. This lead to...
That's right! Izzy started a cult. Or didn't really start one, it just kinda happened. We know this due to the expression she makes in the teaser where she waves at you. It's a very cult-leader-esque expression.
She was a benevolent leader that wanted only good things for her ponies... but unfortunately things get a little weird when her followers dig up a crystal that starts convincing them to do actually culty things. At first it was minor, like throwing a pie at the old mare that tended the local graveyard for interrupting their nightly rituals, or buttering the slide on the playground nearby and laughing when the foals zoomed face first into the sawdust.
Eventually it's demands grew darker and more sinister. Burn down a barn. Chop down the local library tree. Draw this very specific circle with these very specific runes. Say these very specific lines and light these candles in a very specific order. Yeah, that didn't end well. Luckily...
Turns out Mr. Dark Crystal was actually a chained up cacofiend overlord from the furthest reaches of a nearby demon infested dimension bent on the destruction of everything. Why everything? Because demons.
Anyway, with the help of one of her griffon besties and a local Kirin shaman, they eventually... failed horribly at locking the demon away, but it turns out he actually only had a limited amount of power before he just "poofed" back to his world anyway, so in the end they were all lauded for their astounding success at being excellent distractions. Only 5 national forests and 15 cities were burned down. It is unanimously accepted that there would be at least 10 national forests and 37 cities if they hadn't been there obnoxiously throwing rocks and shouting insults at the fiend during his path of destruction.
There was one stunning revelation from the demon battle though...
In his final moments, Overlord Sarchanivandicadus III sent a message directly into Izzy's head revealing the starting revelation that her dad is actually Overlord Sarchanivandicadus II! Remember how Luna was experimenting with all sorts of magic to get rid of the lonelys? Turns out she uhh...had relations with one of Tartaruses most illustrious generals and through the magic of Alicorndom, we now have Izzy!
In her infinite wisdom and during a desperate "oh sh-" moment when a wicked bout of early morning nausea and sudden realization that she had been gaining weight clued her in to the upcoming foal, Luna sealed away Izzy's demonic powers via that bracelet thing she has down there on her hoof. We know this because stringing pebbles together is an ancient pagan ritual to stop demons according to a google search.
With this newfound knowledge, Izzy quickly sought out some of the top Unicorn scholars for help in contacting her mother and finding out what else she was hiding. Unfortunately they refused to help unless she was able to beat them in a game, which is where it was discovered that...
The second she saw a chess board for the first time... she knew. This was her place. The way the contrasting black and whites of the checkered backboard flooded her brain with a sense of overwhelming calm. The way each piece called to her, begging to be commanded into mental battle against some of the most intelligent ponies of the land. She quickly rose through the ranks, knocking down master and grand-master alike until finally she rose to the top and was challenged by the greatest chess player in the world!
Unfortunately she got absolutely wrecked. Annihilated. It was embarrassing. Turns out the current world champion is an alicorn who had been using chess as an outlet for the past 500 or so years to unleash pent up frustration at her failures as a princess. She NEVER should have allowed ponies to download that damn app! How unfortunate. With that, Izzy's chess career came to an end. In frustration, she joined the local checkers club. Unfortunately...
Izzy is Terrible at Checkers!
She tried. She failed. She was bad. "GO BACK TO CHESS!" her fellow checkerponies demanded. It wasn't even worth their time to take up her offer of challenge. Frustrated, Izzy decided to go back home to her adoptive parents. Unfortunately they didn't recognize her since all they ever looked at was her horn. This is evidenced by the fact that Canterlot unicorns are shallow and only really pay attention to themselves.
In the end, they thought she was a scammer and reported her as a burglar just to get rid of her. Since Canterlot's police force is pretty worthless, and secretly bought out by the local elite to fill their gardens with suspiciously accurate pony statues, this lead to a 15 minute trial and...
Nothing at all. In fact, unicorns don't play tennis at all. They don't play any sports. Magic is gone remember? They are basically earth ponies without the strength. That yellow ball on her horn really is just a device the pegasus tribes came up with after one too many eyes were poked by horses with sticks in their foreheads. Not even they play tennis. We know this because it makes absolutely 0 sense. They are horses.
Hopefully this post has been enlightening and you now have a newfound appreciation for Izzy Moonbow. If you liked my analysis. Please like and subscribe and be sure to tune in weekly for more hard-hitting analysis based on our extremely thorough research into every little detail we have so far about My Little Pony G5!
