It has come to my attention that as the fandom grows older, love for our leather-winged friends seems to be dropping. Gone are the days where the submit box is filled to the brim with glorious bat ponies doing bat things for our enjoyment.
During these dark and troubling times, I feel it necessary to request your eyes for a lesson on why the most underappreciated race deserves your attention. A full breakdown on why you should definitely be drawing, writing about, and crafting more bat content, and why you are an absolute monster for not automatically doing this can be found below.
Please embrace bat.
Leather Wings Are Superior
Think Dash is fast? Only when she's falling. In the wild, the Falcon is technically the fastest flying creature while diving. Who counts diving though? I could fall fast too if you threw me out of an airplane. That doesn't mean I'm fast. In level flight going from point a to point b for the sake of travel, nothing beats a bat. She could deliver mail faster than a pegasus. Get the groceries faster than the pegasus. Catch bugs faster than a pegasus. Empty your fridge faster than a pegasus. Bat just wins.
Ear Fluffs
Think about how boring the regular pony ear is. No fluff at all. Just regular, thin hair that doesn't really do anything interesting at all. It's like house cats vs lynxes. A lynx could beat up a cat any day of the week. Why? Because they have ear fluffs. In a battle between who could sneak up on who between a bat pony and a pegasus, the bat pony wins 100% of the time. Your bat will out-stealth any other pony, along with your cat. No one even likes your cat. Stop talking about it.
Edgy
Edgy like the sharpest katana, folded 3000 times by a master Japanese blacksmith brought back from the dead for the sole purpose of crafting perfection that has been lost over the past 700 years. The sharpest edge, but also the cutest edge. When you combine cute with goth you always get excellence. It is simply proven. Bat is the embodiment of this. Creatures of the night who also appreciate a good belly rub.
Slap a giant bow on your bat and embrace the most deadly of combinations. A pair of orange and white striped socks and glow with Halloween goodness. Truly the bat is the perfect race for accessorizing, which in itself is an adorable process as bat both loves and pretends to hate looking cute. You are ruining her edge and shes mad... but this sweater is really comfortable and omg look at how cute that Santa hat looks!
EeEeEeEeeEEE
Annoying right? Sure, but pugs are ugly and we love them because of it. Your bat flying around the house at 3 AM echo locating is just part of her charm. You might wake up angry, but you will see your bat and realize you can't hate this bat. This bat is good. You might accidentally drop a pallet on someone at work tomorrow due to the nocturnal antics of your horsey roommate, but at least she's cute. At the end of the day, that's really all that matters.
Clinging to Walls/Hanging Upside Down
It's a big rumor in pony society that bat wing claws are just for show. To add to that edgy factor mentioned above. A grand scheme by Equestrias moon horse via years of intensive selective breeding to create the most intimidating guards possible. All lies. Bat wing claws are for clinging to walls. Luna had nothing to do with that. Also, Luna wants you to stop starting weird rumors about her. That's kind of a dick move.
Wing claws are also super convenient. Sick of your unicorn hogging the couch? Bat can comfortably hang on the wall behind it. You might need to replace the drywall in a few weeks, but at least you get the couch. Until she falls asleep and lands on you. Apparently Bat pones never really figured out the whole sleeping on walls thing. Just don't watch anything boring?
Varied Diet
Mangoes are a stereotype. Bats do love mangoes, but so do many other ponies. What really sets their diet apart is their carnivorous side. Those fangs aren't just for show after all. While Equestria in it's past may have seen famine due to poor crop yields and drought, bat thrived and survived with their ability to also consume just about anything. They are like goats. Anything at all.
I bet many of us would struggle with a pony companion who only wants to hit Vegan places up, or even gets grossed out when you bite into a juicy burger. Bat would be right there with you ordering the Heart Attack On a Plate and join in mutual regret afterwards as you both fall into food coma. That's what true friendship is. Something you'd never get with an earth pony and something Twilight completely neglected in her Friendship book. She won't add it either. Bat ponies and regular ponies a-like have demanded it, but she absolutely refuses. What gives Twilight?
Tiny Fangs
It is a 100% irrefutable fact that tiny fangs make literally everything better. On a guy, they look cool. On a girl, they look cute. I've watched and studied many an anime in my years. One unanimous conclusion I've come to from decades of watching the same "EVER INCREASING POWERRRR" show with new characters over and over is that the girl with the tiny fangs is always everyone's favorite.
Bat have this by default. The entire race has tiny fangs. Two protruding is alright, but ONE protruding is ideal. Keep that in mind as you flood our inbox with bat drawings after being immediately motivated into action after reading this super important post.
Hopefully You've Come to Appreciate the Bat Pony
Thank you for taking the time to fully equip yourself with some of the most critical knowledge we have ever posted here on Equestria Daily. Hopefully you walk away from this with a newfound respect for everyone's favorite pony archetype, and are now as equally outraged as I am that we never got a proper Bat Pony race episode.
Expect more hard-hitting journalism just like this as we delve further and further into whatever Pony Life is. I need a drink.
