Top Ten Twilight Sparkles

It is Twilight Sparkle day!  A day of sparkling twilight when we show our our appreciation for Twilight, and Sparkles of all shapes and sizes.  And there are many Sparkles.  So many Sparkles.  But while all Twilights sparkle like the sparkling Twilights that they are, some are more Sparkle than Twilight.

We must rank them. 

10. Twilight Sporkle

Merchandising, merchandising!  Where the real money is made!

Coming in at dead last is this least Sparkly of Twilights, Twilight Sporkle.  Invented by minotaur industrialist Well-to-Do as the mascot for his theme park, this shoddy bootleg knockoff gave the genuine article a harsh lesson on one of the costs of fame:  Someone's always gonna try and use you to make a buck.  Oddly enough, this wouldn't even be the last time a minotaur would appropriate Twilight's likeness for a money-making scheme.

9. Spike

He's purple and eventually got wings.  The math checks out.

Normally Twilight's faithful assistant, Mr. The Dragon here once tried his claw at being Twilight himself when Twilight was feeling less than Sparkly.  Sadly, his attempt to be the new Twilight Sparkle was even less successful than his attempt to be the new Rainbow Dash;  It took him less than one afternoon to go completely mad with power, abusing the privilege that comes with being a Twilight and causing multiple riots and at least one flood.  Spike may be many things, but a good Twilight Sparkle he is not.

8. The Masked Matter-Horn

There was an idea... to bring together a remarkable group of ponies...

Upon being transported into Spike's enchanted comic book, Twilight assumes the role of the Masked Matter-Horn, leader of the Power Ponies.  Now, ordinarily turning something into a superhero can only improve it, because superpowers are awesome.  But in this case, it was actually a downgrade.  While Twilight has command over dozens of powerful spells and abilities, Trot Summers over here seems limited to mostly just shooting ice beams.  Pretty Sparkly, but not very Twilight.

7. Twilight Sparkling

A joke about Twilight and sparkling vampires.  There, I said it so you don't have to.

Remember that one time Twilight deliberately inflicted herself and all of her friends with vampirism so they could slaughter an army of sentient apples?  These comics are weird.

Real talk though, Sethisto wouldn't stop throwing mangoes at me until I put a bat on this list.

6. Cosplay Twilight

All hail the Princess of Muffins and Mail!

I'm not actually sure how Derpy ended up here, since she wasn't on my list when I started writing this.  But hey, she took a bullet for Twilight in the movie, so I think she's earned a spot on the list.  Sparkle on, Derpster.

5. Evil Clone Twilight

And it's so easy when you're evil.  This is the life, you see; the devil tips his hat to me.

Created by Chrysalis out of Twilight's DNA, dead wood, and eldritch magic, this genetically perfect doppelganger was 100% Twilight, but without any of the Sparkle.  Cold, manipulative, and ruthless, this Twilight was the polar opposite of everything any true Twilight stands for.  It would have been quite interesting to see her match wits with the original if it weren't for her shockingly gruesome on-screen death.

4. Midnight Sparkle

I'm not the damsel in distress.  I'm not your girlfriend or the frightened princess.

Yet another Twilight gone awry, Midnight Sparkle is Twilight's answer to Nightmare Moon or Daybreaker.  This particular Sparkle was formed when the human world's Twilight was overtaken by stolen Equestrian magic and transformed into a demon.  While it's unclear whether she'll make a more horsey appearance, she's definitely one of the more memorable Twilights around.

3. Future Twilight

Twilight, what have you done? You've changed the future! You've created a time paradox!

The Sparkle that started it all;  The very first alternate instance of Twilight to appear in the show, paving the way for many more Sparkles to come.  Traveling back in time to prevent herself from having a monumental freak out only to be the root cause of that freak out in the first place, and creating a pretty nifty bootstrap paradox in the process, Future Twilight's bedraggled, eyepatch-sporting, time traveling secret agent appearance gave rise to no end of Metal Gear Solid memes back in the fandom's earliest days.

2. Human Twilight

Human, human, human, human after all.

Coming in quite high on the list is the Twilight Sparkle that hails from the human world of Equestria Girls.  And not just because she is literally a Twilight Sparkle without needing any qualifiers.  Well, it's mostly because of that.  Still, Sci-Twi as she's affectionately come to be known has made an impressive showing of being her own unique character.  Rather than just being "the human version," this Twilight has her own history, her own personality, and her own story that set her apart from her four-legged counterpart.

1. Twilight Sparkle

I don't know what else you were expecting.

Of course, there could only be one to take the number one spot.  The most Twilight of Sparkles and the Sparkliest of Twlights.  Twi, Twily, Twilicorn, Purple Smart;  Whatever you want to call her, it's all thanks to her that all of these adventures in Equestria are possible, and it's been her journey from student to master that's kept all of us tuned in all this time.  Perhaps not the one and only, but certainly the best Twilight Sparkle.

~ The Skullivan