Your Exclusive EqD Cryptocurrency Guide

Confused about cryptocurrencies? Insecure about internet money?  Unsure if Ponecoin is the coin for you? (yes)

Here is a handy guide to the best and the worst of fake internet money!

Bitcoin

Bitcoin is the granddaddy of all cryptocurrencies. It was the laughing stock of the world for years before suddenly rocketing in value in 2017 to $20,000 before plunging down again, taking people's life savings with it and cackling madly.

Coins are mined by complex calculations done by computers. Unfortunately these calculations use precious RAM which mean there is a shortage of technology to play fun games on. Mining coins is not a fun game unless you love spreadsheets, in which case you'd probably be playing on EVE Online anyway.

Bitcoin is good because everyone thinks it is worth lots of money even though it is very hard to spend as transactions carry a hefty surcharge, and lots of coin exchanges will take your money and run, or your money will 'mysteriously' vanish.

Bitcoin's rise from obscurity was like Twilight Sparkle getting her wings and becoming a princess. It's subsequent plunge was like Twilight Sparkle getting her wings torn off and Celestia saying that she was only faking having liked her letters. But can Bitcoin recover?

Yes.

Rating: Twilight Sparkle post-wings

Litecoin

Litecoin is very much like Bitcoin "but it's uh, different innit"

It is different because of stuff.

No-one really knows. Anyone who says they do is a liar.

Rating: Cheerliee

DoGeCoIN

dOgECoIn iS a gOoD cOiN, gOoD bOy, iT wIlL gO tO ThE mOoN. wHaT a GoOd cOiN mUcH clEveR

rAtIng: dOgE

Garlicoin

Garlicoin is an hilarious meme coin created from Reddit. Originally based on garlic bread, it was changed to garlic to widen the appeal, as everyone enjoys munching on cloves of garlic. Garlicoin was huge for a while but this current Reddit post demonstrates the status it enjoys right now:

"Will the price of GRLC rise to at least 1$ ever again?'. I got a few hundred when it first came out, and the price now is about 5 cents"

So yes, it is extremely healthy and anyone who leaps on this juggernaut is a genius.

Unfortunately for the makers of Garlicoin, the majority of internet cryptocurrency nerds are vampires, and so allergic to the coin.

Rating: Scootaloo

Reddit Gold

Reddit Gold is an electronic currency designed to prop up Reddit, an internet data mining arm of the Russian government. This currency can be 'mined' via giving the Reddit admin 'money' from your Paypal, which they will use to put a little yellow coin in your account.

Reddit Gold cannot be traded or used for any other purposes. It is difficult (but not impossible) to smelt down and make into jewellery, however possessing Reddit Gold does mean that you support Reddit in some way.

Rating: Derpy

FIMcoin

FIMcoin launched to great acclaim in the fandom last year. Touted as "the official currency of FIMFiction," this was the first fanfic-based coin, and Fimfic users were encouraged to generate coins by writing more stories.

Unfortunately this word mining led to bot farms hoarding all Twilight Sparkles and shipping, and so the poor average fanficcer was left to make do with writing sci-fi Applejack stories. Currently uptake of FIMcoin as a fiat currency is restricted to site owner Knighty and his mum, though he promises that it will be the official currency of Deviantart very soon.

Rating: Sweetie Belle

Ponecoin

Unlike the above, Ponecoin is a 100% trustworthy virtual currency which will undoubtedly be accepted worldwide by companies and governments. Whilst it hasn't been proved that Ponecoin will cure all disease, it hasn't yet been disproved.

Ponecoin has none of the problems of the above coins, as it is primarily pony-based rather than built from human weakness. And remember, Ponecoin is perfectly safe, as it is a reverse funnel system!

Rating: Twilight Sparkle with wings but like, properly earned



Cryptocurrencies are a rollercoaster, which no-one should invest all their money in due to the volatility of the market. Anyone looking for a safe investment should put all of their money into tulip bulbs, beanie babies, South Sea Company stocks and POGs.