Hey all you Bronies and Pegasisters, I got the chance to grab the hot, magical new Unicorn Cereal from my local supermarket. I don't know about you but I love generic unicorns as they have got to be the 3rd best type of equine behind Plane Pones and Ratponies. I gave them a try and Sweet Celestia do they hit the spot!
Grab some high fructose corn-syrup below as I count down the top reason you need these inside you!
Yeah, check out this sweet box that this sugary intensity can barely be contained inside. Be sure to grabs some duct tape to keep this treasure chest closed because each tasty circle of highly processed mystery unicorn is known to spontaneously get M. A. Larson'ed, sprout wings and fly away. That's right these fell-o-s are done with friendship lessons and are wielders of the 7th element...
9. Magic Cupcake
That's not just sugar you're tasting, that's Magic Cupcake. A rich blend of natural ingredients straight from the glands of the finest unicorns. This stuff is so flavorful and addictive you should consult your local government to make sure they are still legal.
8. Packaged for Freshness
It may have taken 50 unicorns to raise the sun and moon each day in ancient pre-Equestria but it takes 100 to cast the freshness shield that locks in that delicious Magic Cupcake flavor. Nearly impossible to open that clear shield is designed to open lengthwise along the package ensuring maximum pouring.
7. A Masterful Work of Art
Do you see this mother unicorn being a helicopter parent as her foal tries to drink? Think it looks like good art? Well compared to Unicorn Cereal it looks like utter garbage! Let me break it to you gently. First...
...we set out a bowl. Full of potential. A perfect canvas. A corral if you will.
Second...
...we pour them in! Look at them galloping the around! These things are a masterpiece. Each 'O' rounder than the O of Giotto. Even Kettle Corn admits she can't make them rounder. Each dusted with the maximum allowable unicorn and cupcake magic specs to keep from inducing seizures of joy and brain overloads.
6. Supercharged Energy
This Unicron Cereal doesn't just contain essential vitamins and minerals to offer a balanced breakfast, it contains enough energy to make any man, women, or child explode through their day! Look at the way the ambient energy of this wholesome food excites the electrons of these mystical unicorn lights! This isn't just food and magic! It's Science! And it's blinding you!
5. Incredible Taste
So let me lay it on you how these suckers taste all dressed up and swimming in delicious fresh milk. Have an action shot...
Kozubik
Doesn't that look good? It tastes amazing. Words can not adequately describe how awesome this flavor of magic cupcake is so I won't describe it!
This is what your taste buds see before going into seizures from a full-on mouthgasm! After this point, you won't be able to think about unicorns without turning on a saliva faucet like a starving St. Benard.
You'll wolf this cereal down so fast not even Cereal Velocity is quick enough to snatch it out of your throat.
Let's get a second opinion...
Everyone knows Little Horse from our favorite show. He's a big star. Let's see what he thinks of it!
He's going in deep for a taste...
...and he loves it! Look at the obvious sign of bliss all over his face. Little Horse loves getting a good nostril full of unicorn if you know what I mean! Tasty for the whole family!
4. Unparalleled Texture.
It not only looks good but feels good as well. Here I'm simulating the mouth feels with my fingers. See the way they hold their crunchiness as I try to squeeze them between my fingers. Now imagine this in your mouth!
3. Wild Amazing Serving Suggestions
Here are three identical bowls of Unicorn Cereal that I will use to show you 3 methods of making them even better.
Run out of fresh milk? Get your dairy on with extra creamy "dairy whipped topping". Still missing the consistency of milk? Slap it in the microwave for 30 seconds and you've got the best bowl of cereal I can offer.
Need Something to really invigorate your morning? Some hot sauce is sure to kick-start your whole mouth. Make sure to use the entire bottle!
Ready to unwind from a long day? Then this isn't your thing! Take the top off and hold it upside down for 20 seconds over your unicorns and you're ready to party with this Swedish potato water! Potatoes make it a balanced meal. EQD reminds you to eat cereal and potato water responsibly.
Let's check it out...
Doesn't that look amazing? I can't describe the face my wife made when she ate this stuff because she hit the floor too fast! A party in every bowl!
2. Sponsored by PONECOIN
If you haven't seen the latest in EQD news, you'll be excited to here we have our own cryptocurrency: Ponecoin. Right now in EQD's labs, we are moments away from revealing a standalone Ponecoin mining device that operates on Unicorn Cereal. You'll want to snatch one of these and jump on the bandwagon soon because you don't want to be left behind!
1. Batpony Approved
Look at the way she dives for it! Batponies love the stuff! 11 out of 10 bat ponies agree that Unicorn Cereal is their favorite food that doesn't require the use of their fangs. If you ever wanted your own bat pony then leave a window open and pour a trail of unicorns leading in straight to a cage, bed, or even your face!
Well, that's been my review of Unicorn Cereal! Get some unicorns in your mouth today and buy them here.
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