The Great and Powerful Trixie is here once again for another edition of her award winning yearly reviews. I hope you all didn't miss me too much~. I know I would. How could a bunch of equine admirers like yourselves not want to bathe in Trixie's wonderful radiance at all hours of the day? I've even heard from my BFF Starlight that some of you are hating on her for hogging all the Trixie! Fear not my faithful admirers, there is more than enough top tier unicorn to go around ❤. You can leave poor Glimmer alone. She even taught Trixie how to clone herself! Now everypony can enjoy my excellence at all hours of the day. Isn't magic wonderful?
Anyway, this website that constantly sings Trixie's praises has commissioned me to review one of your earth hot sauces. Being the AMAZING pony that I am, I of course requested the very best! A hot, saucy pony like Trixie can easily handle even the most powerful of peppers. Surely you expected that right?
Now go! Engorge yourselves in Trixie's excellent opinions and treat your tongues to her logic and reasoning below!
Trixie should probably start by warning everyhuman that the pony pallet may be slightly more robust than your simple primate ones. And considering I am so exceptional even among my race, this probably won't even tickle my abnormally robust throat! In fact, Trixie is revered as the pinnacle when it comes to consuming things that other ponies can't. Many a stallion has tried their absolute hardest to beat Trixie, but she always comes out on top. Challenges of eating are my forte! The last mare I contended with passed out mid-way while Trixie was still chomping away like it was nothing! A mouth as powerful as a black hole is what they say whenever Trixie Dominates!
But alas, I know you aren't here to listen to Trixie's dining exploits, however numerous they are. You want me to eat this ghost pepper "Da Bomb" sauce right? Is that supposed to be imposing? Are you trying to imply that this simple fruit is actually deadly? Trixie is not superstitious. In fact, she sees this as an insult to her ironclad stomach. As if a natural food could ever beat some of the magic fueled spicy dishes back home! Trixie's mom thrived on challenging her daughter with only the hottest of foods! The best for the best unicorn she'd say as I devoured magically infused pepper after magically infused pepper!
Oohh! Are those crackers? You want Trixie to dip those into the sauce right? How did you know? Is Trixie becoming famous on Earth too? I knew all these new episodes I'm being hired into would pay off! My loyal admirers are the absolute best ❤!
Lets do this then! As they say on your world... flanks up!
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Well, it's pretty sweet so far. Not anywhere near as good as Peanut butter crackers. Trixie doesn't really feel any....
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Oh no! Trixie! Breathe! Drink some water! What did they do to you?!
Really? The hottest pepper from your world? You knew she would fall for that! Why would you do something so cruel? Poor Trixie won't be able to speak right for a week! Honestly...
I give Earth, as whole, a 0/10. That portal was the worst idea ever.
