DESTINY.
I often joke around that I've been running a website based around cartoon horses who's lives are controlled by their butts for four and a half years. Cutie Marks have proven to be a ridiculously powerful force in the destiny's of your day-to-day equestrian. Swapping them in Magical Mystery Cure had each of the mane 6 completely lost, and stealing them turned them into husks of their former selves.
Apple Bloom's recent journey into the world of potential posterior pictures shows us that there is always a possibility that you may not be happy with what you get in the end. I suppose that works in real life too. I know plenty of high paid, specialized individuals who are absolutely miserable at their jobs.
But what happens if you get a mark that is completely awesome? Or vaguely points at a whole bunch of fun possibilities? That's what we celebrate this time around!
Journey down below, as we continue our 99 Episode Celebration with the 9 of the best pony butt symbols of the past 5 seasons!
Warning: This post is butts
Cloud Chaser
I bet a lot of you haven't ever taken the time to appreciate the awesomeness that is Cloudchaser's flank stamp. A destiny usually reserved for all of the spacey-named magic ponies we keep getting flooded with is what Cloudy here rocks. Imagine the possibilities as a pegasus with a shooting star for a destiny. Is she an astronomer who braves high altitudes for the perfect shots? Or does she have the unrealized ability to float around in space unharmed?
She's being held back on the Ponyville weather squad, that's for sure. Embrace your destiny Cloudchaser! Show us your secret star power!
Rainbow Dash
It's a cloud with a half-rainbow lightning bolt. That in itself is awesome. Toss it on Dashie here, and you have a rump destined for GREATNESS!
Whether it signifies speed, or her next-level weather pony skills, Dashie's got a cool butt tattoo.
Grumpy Cat Pony
Groooan... a meme. The best "worst destiny ever" is where this one arrives. Imagine if you were forever stuck in 2010, desperately trying to make a dying trend popular again. What a way to live.You'd think that would slowly drive someone insane.
Or maybe he just really likes cats.
Dizzy Twister
Who the hell is Dizzy Twister you ask? She's only one of the most commonly forgotten background ponies in the show! Sure, her color scheme isn't the most original on the planet, and she hasn't done anything significant on her own, but check out dat destiny! She literally has tornadoes on her butt! Ponyville's #1 Everfree Forest rogue storm chaser perhaps? Do they have wild tornadoes in Equestria? Maybe her specialty is tornado wrangling in general?
Regardless, I want to see it. Dizzy Twister for season six.
Spitfire
2hot4 EQD.
Seriously, her butt picture is FIRE. How cool is that?
Luna
Do you know how hard it is to get a good shot of Luna's entire cutie mark without venturing into the world of unpostables? Safe search for pony posterior can only find so much.
The princess of the Moon's moon is literally adorned with a moon. So much moon.
It also gets points for covering her entire rump. Is she the only one with that style mark?
Night Glider
I feel like Night Glider here didn't get enough air time. This also means she shares the same fate as Luna in terms limited flank based art to choose from for EQD without melting the eyes of the innocent among us, or whatever happens when they see that stuff.
She has an awesome cutie mark though. I have no idea what her destiny is, but I wouldn't mind rockin an eclipse surrounded by silver feathers on my flank if I was a pony. That's just neat symbolism in general. I bet there is somewhere in the world with an icon similar to this with some of the coolest Lunar based parties on the planet.
Daring Do
Can you imagine finding out that your destiny is literally adventure? How cool would that be? I'm sure I'm not the only kid that dreamed of traveling deep into unknown jungles and hunting precious artifacts. I would have been ecstatic if I woke up one day with a compass on my butt and an uncontrollable need to go buy plane tickets to the nearest untouched wilderness nearby. Daring Do lucked out.
Minuette/Doctor Whooves
Your destiny is TIME. Of all the super powers out there, nothing is more powerful than manipulating the very fabric of reality. Can you imagine being able to reverse time by even as little as 5 seconds? The amount of power you would have? Minuette and Doctor Whoof may be hiding something interesting behind the scenes of what we see in Equestria. I suppose we will find out soon won't we? Two more days!
Until then, celebrate the fact that Colgate's butt hasn't accidentally stopped you from being born.
(New!) Due to popular demand....
HONORABLE MENTION/DICTATOR EDIT
For being the only wizardmare without the name of a time of day, and for making blue on blue on blue on blue somehow work for a butt image. The DESTINY of a brat wizard horse. May her narcissistic flank guide us to the promised land.
That was a truly fascinating look at every-day pony butt mind control. I hope you all are either thankful of the freedom your blank flank gives you, or have found something you can't wait to run to the nearest tattoo parlor to symbolize yourself with.
We have just one more of these to go! If you want to catch up before the big episode in a few days, hit up the 99 episode label over here.
Sorry for the butts.
