Special thanks to Quasdar of the MLP Vector Club for the RD Vector above.
Aside from the title being a pun to a great Fall Out Boy song, this was an absolutely fantastic episode of the series. The episode dealt with the topic of death, grief, and the five stages thereof with the level of sensitivity, maturity, and good natured fun that I've only ever seen done in one place before.
So gather round everypony and turn back the clock to an earlier time in our lives. The time when we could sit in our grandparents lap, with a big old book in our hands, wishing for nothing more than than to be told a story about green eggs and ham.
I make no promises that my prose will be up to snuff, but hopefully you'll get some enjoyment out of this parody of Dr. Seuss's stuff.
Wouldn't be Season 5 without a shot to remind us of Princess Pancake's new crystal castle! (Only $34.97 at Wal-Mart)
Everypony in Ponyville was getting ready for the day that old Jack Frost finally got his say.
This shot looks suspiciously familiar!
The leaves were now falling without a care in the world, while soaring above Rainbow Dash twisted and twirled.
Laughing quite gleefully with Tank by her side, she couldn't stop herself on her mental joyride.
"I don't have the heart to tell her."
Planned out in advanced without a moment to waste, our pegasus friend overlooked something in her haste.
No it wasn't the activities that she would share with her tortoise, nor was it the festive songs to which she only knew the chorus.
X-TREME sledding?
She envisioned them sledding and skiing all winter long! For with a plan like that, "What could possibly go wrong?"
HORSE Hockey… is it any wonder why Tank wants a three month nap? Also, shouldn't the pun be Horsey?
And with hockey itself being a dangerous sport, it's a good thing that Tank is built like a fort. But even as strong as his shell is to impact, there's one little item that Rainbow forgot was a fact.
For it was a course of action that she just could not condone, even as the signs started making themselves known.
"I probably know what this is, but I'm going to be a good friend and let Fluttershy tell Rainbow that tortoises hibernate."
A first opinion she sought from a friend she completely trusted, unfortunately it was the bookworm who's still not quite adjusted. For had dear Twilight in her youth lifted her nose from her books, perhaps she would have seen what was there instead of what she mistook.
Instead of starting on the problem and helping her friend with denial, Twilight just sent Rainbow up the river Nile.
"Good, she's relaxed and unguarded. Now to give her the bad news."
For she just passed the buck without a care, to the one pony she knows who can calm with a stare. In theory, perhaps, the problem would have ended there, but considering that this is Fluttershy this plan didn't have a prayer.
For Rainbow can be as stubborn as Applejack, and this couplet would properly rhyme if this writer weren't a hack.
Unacceptable was the news that her pet would hibernate, so she slithered away as fast as her tortoise could tolerate.
"Rainbow thinking I look like you doesn't surprise me."
Our hero then sought out the aid of Spike the Dragon. She would have been better off asking for help from a station wagon. For Spike was no vet who would call Fluttershy a liar. He's just a young little reptile who happens to breath fire.
That reason alone should have given Rainbow a clue, for Spike is warm blooded you brainless shrew.
Yes, Spike is a big dragon now. He's got his own bedroom! (Complete with basket bed)
But this fact she ignored left in a huff, slamming Spike's door as a way of rebuff. And so the Dragon's involvement in this story comes to an end, with one good solid look at his bedroom my friend!
MUFFINS!!!
Up in the air the pegasi move to the beat of a song, ever mindful of the chorus "I just don't know what went wrong!"
Rainbow paid them no heed as she went about her journey, though if she kept that attitude up she might end up meeting a prosecuting attorney.
For she was in the most foulest of moods, so of course the pink one showed up to get Rainbow out of this brood.
I think I've done this once or twice with a friend's dog. Usually something bad happened afterwards.
Speaking without thinking is her action of course, though that really is an attitude from which she should divorce. Or at the very least ask Twilight for a ward, for even though you break physics you are not Discord.
Pinkie my friend, you're going to push the wrong button, then promptly get chewed then spat out like a bad piece of mutton.
"Huh. I was expecting Skittles flavored hoof."
For the word is thoughtlessly spoken that ignites Rainbow's fire. And if you run fast enough you can probably hide in the Shire.
Oh my God! They left out Kenny!
Then Rainbow's closest friends finally understood the meaning behind the words Bruce Banner spoke so frankly. To quote the Incredible Hulk,
"Do I look Angry to you?!" Yes. Also, that face!
"YOU WON'T LIKE ME WHEN I'M ANGRY!"
Red. Orange. Yellow. Green. Blue... Indigo? Violet?! Oh my! That rainbow has all seven colors!
Snowball fights? Snowponies? Sipping hot cider by the fire? No wonder Tank is snoring. For that stuff is boring.
Of course Rainbow tried to bury her woes, as if trying to bring this chapter to a close. After all, she couldn't just control the weather like the crust of a tortilla.
See below.
Then she got an idea.
An awful idea. Rainbow Dash got a wonderful, awful idea.
"If I can't keep Tank awake with me here, then winter itself won't be present this year!"
Open Skies and Cloudy Skies. Fillies and Gentlecolts, the MLP Parody of Abbott and Costello's "Who's on First?"
Then quick as flash, out good Rainbow dashed. She stole the clouds right out under these poor fellows, who were doing a wonderful rendition of Abbott and Costello.
So, who's the unlucky duck to have this backfire on?
But what of those clouds that our heroine did abscond? Why she did stuff them into this tree like an old treasury bond. Tighter and tighter did she stuff those clouds in, similar to the cold war and those people in West Berlin.
The pressure kept building, getting ready to pop.
Irony!
And waited for one poor unlucky fellow on which to get the drop. This victim of misfortune was the poorly named Lucky. Perhaps his fortune would have been fine had he stayed in Kentucky.
But pegasus and tortoise were no where to be found, since this dynamic duo was making their way towards town.
So Earth Ponies are rakes.
A group of Earth Ponies, they came across first. But after for stopping the winter they might as well have been cursed. For returning the leaves would be quite a foolish errand, almost as bad as adding "-ing" to gerund.
Though that didn't stop her from giving it a go, she had far more pressing matters to deal with, like her woes.
Unicorns are plotting murder.
Unicorns hanging icicles with such care and precision. Is it any wonder they're the doctors entrusted with making incisions? But an unfortunate side effect came with combining ice cones and magic, one that Rainbow realized might end up being tragic.
So rather than knock all their hard work to the ground, Rainbow decided that there were better avenues to be found.
For stopping winter was still her top priority. Though that will only last only until she remembers the Wonderbolts sorority.
And Pegasi are unloading a year's worth of dandruff. I see why the Unicorns are contemplating murder.
"Ah-ha!" she exclaimed finally finding her foe. "Winter's just not winter if there isn't snow!"
Looks like no one will be skiing free this year.
Up next this pegasus stole skis from the lodge, but without evidence this was a crime she could easily dodge.
So buried them she did under the grass and leaves. Where that exact spot is? I don't know, ask Jeeves.
What the duck?!
Speaking of Jeeves and his poor master Wooster, I wonder how that goose feels about Rainbow's little booster. For birds migrate south to get away from the cold, and Rainbow decided to be particularly bold.
She took the lead of the flock and turned them around, and sent them on their way to where Saint Nicholas could be found.
Why she had to put on that goose bill for the act is something that Rarity still asks her without tact.
That swimsuit is pointless, but it looks so freaking awesome!
I'm sure Smokey the Bear was giving Rainbow dirty looks from down below.
Noticing that problem through her 80s sunglasses, Rainbow magnifies the sun for all the poor pony masses. Where she found a piece of glass that size is anypony's guess. Though she quickly realized that this plan of hers wasn't exactly the best.
Sure she is in shape, and quite the athletic fellow. But even she realized her mistake as Jefferson did at Monticello. Yes the light of sun was intensified through the glass, but there was no way in heck she was going to last.
So steeling herself for a more permanent solution, she resolved to take care of the source of this winter air pollution!
This is how you take Metal Gear Solid and make it cute.
Why she snuck around in this town she called home is something best left for the programmers of chrome. For if it wasn't clear by now, it will be in short order, that Rainbow's poor marbles have gone north of the border.
How are you going to break into the weather factory, Rainbow?
She could just trot in there since she is a weather pony, as I'm sure has been pointed out by many a brony. But with the stress of her pet getting to her up there, the air ducts become logical dramatic entrance flare.
Fsjal, what are you doing in that pony's locker? Better question: why did that locker have a tortoise sized lab coat?
So she enters the factory in the most illogical of manners, only to wind up in the home of most chess club planners. Stayed there she did until the danger was passed, though why should she fear a stinging lambaste?
The worst a supervisor could do is throw her out on her rear, and tell her quite sharply to get her work down in Ponyville in gear.
Amazing attention to detail here. Indeed, not a single snowflake there is alike in that shot.
So of course that did not happen to the hero of our tale, though now she was stuck figuring out how to get this plan of hers to set sail.
Destroying the snowflakes at the smallest of levels is a punishment reserved only for the devil. Too time consuming and pointless would be that endeavor. So instead she found a solution that would make her look clever.
Well, that's one way to undo all your hard work from "Hurricane Fluttershy."
"Can't have winter without water," the rainbow one realized, but what she failed to notice was the tank's immense size.
For what happens when you mix a pony together with snow and water?
Rainbow with two eyes made out of coal!
Why one of the best snow ponies ever built ripe and ready for the slaughter.
Well, that's one great big red button that Lightning just zapped. I'm sure there's nothing bad that can come from that.
Angry still wins for best face. But I think Rainbow just took second place.
For Rainbow realized her mistake far too late, and would have been better getting buried under a ton of freight.
Princess Twilight looked defiantly towards Cloudsdale's drumming.
Too late the warning came as the rainbow one soared towards the small town of Ponyville breaking all records. Oh she's broken the sound barrier at least once or twice, but seeing her attempt that in a snowball is worth the admission price.
So hurtling she came as the ground came into view. And her last thoughts before impact were "Narrator, *YAY* you!"
Nuclear winter that is.
Not a soul could be heard for miles around. For the poor town of Ponyville just could not be found. There have been tales told of such explosions leaving nothing but a crater to be worn away by erosion.
For Ponyville, at least, winter came early. Perhaps now would be a good time for a gag starring Moe, Larry, and Curly.
For as the citizens of Ponyville dug their way out of the snow, one little pegasus returned to her chateau.
Adorable Rainbow Dash Slippers ($8.99–$22.99 on Amazon)
For down in the dumps were her feelings quite veiled. And why shouldn't she be for she had utterly failed.
Her friend Tank was going away for the future, and there wasn't any way that this wound would be sutured. She just couldn't figure out what she would do without Tank, and that is something that truly just stank.
Everypony else uses a door, and Pinkie Pie goes and breaks the wall.
Her friends all arrived with good cheer! As Princess Twilight exclaimed, "Rainbow you've been Royally cleared! Losing a pet is hard enough, but going to prison in your state of mind would be quite rough.
"Besides…" said the princess with a nervous chuckle, "attempting to stop winter was your only crime! Mine was far worse when I tried to stop time."
1st, 2nd, and 3rd place for best face goes to Rainbow Dash for the episode!
Failed to lift Rainbow's spirits did Twilight's admission of guilt. Instead her walls of depression only got rebuilt.
So rather than let her good friend sit and stew, Rainbow's life long friend Fluttershy knew just what to do.
"Rainbow," she said in a stern tone of voice. Then said "your winter will be petless" which sealed her choice.
And the walls they all came finally tumbling down, as Rainbow started crying with the world's biggest frown. She finally knew that this was going to happen, much like the poor events that occurred to the Tappan.
There was nothing she could do except finally come grips with the poor little fact that her winter plans have been clipped.
One of these stallions looks like a certain orange and purple filly. She can't be an orphan now, for that would be silly.
There will be no horse hockey with Scootaloo's dad, which bummed out a certain filly who ought to be glad. Her father is home after a year away, though he's stuck saying "Eh" the Canadian way.
Leaving this poor filly stuck in a pout, as her father keeps asking "that's this abo't?"
I wonder how long it took Rarity to get this fashion line ready. Fitting rainbow for those boots must have taken forever.
But away we must go from this filly and her father's troubles, to a quaint little scene which causes Build a Bear's pony clothing options to double.
Rainbow's friends have gathered round to show their support, and to make sure that the plan the cyan pegasus has won't abort.
For now the time has come for the pet and his master, to say good bye for now without the interruption of Han Solo's blaster.
The narrator re-reads that last rhyme with care, thinking to himself of course Pinkie would dare. So as he runs off to the find the bubbly pink menace, "I shall just continue for him" said the writer of this tale, Discord the draconequus.
"For who else could have come up with this delightfully chaotic tale of woe," said I before getting decked by episode writer Cindy Morrow.
"Wait what?"
Shortly after that un-rhyming exclamation, did the narrator return to finish this tale to great jubilation.
What is she reading? Daring Do and the Empire of the Crystal Heart?
With Discord now counting all the stars in the sky, we have one final moment that leaves one a little teary eyed. For Tank you see just simply can't sleep without hearing his owner read to him in his keep.
Look by the family. See the grey pony there. Who else could it be but the muffin mare!
And with that my dear reader, our tale comes to an end. With rainbow sitting close to her dearest friend.
Finally the story ends without a shadow of a doubt…
Who the heck am I kidding! Here's Rainbow's first solo song to close us out!
This pony will go to great lengths to keep winter at bay. An all new My LIttle Pony Friendship Is Magic starts NOW! #MLP5 http://bit.ly/1xtLiVV
Posted by Discovery Family Daytime on Saturday, April 25, 2015
This has been The Illustrious Q. Thank you, and good day!
Twitter: The Illustrious Q
