"But EQD admins! How can I be manly without rippling biceps and buns of steel?!" you've shouted.
Good news! We finally have a cure for that!
Bad news! We are only qualified to work with cartoon ponies. Perhaps you can come up with your own workout routines to get that manly physique you've always wanted? Learn from equines! A flank is just another name for... whatever the human equivalent is! We are pros at this.
Anyway, below the break, get some excellent pony workouts to make sure all you cartoon equines out there won't be embarrassed next time you hit the beach!
#5
Supersonic Treadmill
Are you a pegasus? Did you skip leg day again? That's bad. You shouldn't do that. Powerful landing hooves are just as important as exceptional wing power. You can't be aerodynamic with a chubby flank!
Supersonic treadmill takes all the glories of the Sonic Rainboom and brings them down to earth. Expect heavy strain on the Flank, Cannon, and Ankle, with a moderate workload on your Quarter and Gaskin. Wow the crowds with your signature Fantastic Filly Flash, obtainable only by working those legs just as hard as the wings!
Note: Supersonic treadmill may cause death if you trip. So don't trip.
#4
The Flankbuster
Tired of moving? Want a workout without actually having to workout? Introducing the Flankbuster, Equiestrian Innovation's brand new machine built for all the lazy fillies and gentlecolts out there who just want to relax after a long day.
Expect intense Vibrational Masonification Aralysis to occur in your haunch, flank, and thigh, converting that flab into rock hard pony buns in a just a few short weeks.
Note: We are required by Equestrian law to let you know that studies on the effectiveness of the Flankbuster have not yet concluded any significant results. You don't read fine print though, so we should be rich enough to move to the griffon empire by the time anyone notices.
#3
The Lazy Pony Bedlift
Deadlifts sound a little morbid? Too weak for Stronglifts? Having a Lazy bed day? Try out the newest craze in Equestrian exercising: Bedlifts. Enjoy a cushioned backside and comfortable pillow while you work those fetlocks and upper arms to the maximum of their capacity, then pass out immediately afterward without ever leaving your room.
#2
Wing Pushup
Pushups are classic. Here's how you take them to the next level:
Pegasus - Focus the brunt of your lift on the margin, but you will feel it in the carpal joint and axillaries if you are doing it right. Don't chicken out and do what Fluttershy up there is doing. Get LOW!
Non Pegasus - Pretend you have wings and try to lift yourself. That should work something out... I think.
#1
Workout Ball Things
Have 100-200 bits to blow for a giant bouncy ball that used to be a kids toy at Walmart for 3 bits? Good, cause it's all the rage. The number one thing to do when workin' out dat flank is to stay trendy. We can't have you doing tried and true exercises that have worked for hundreds of years after all. That won't do anything to improve your image!
As for what to do with it, you could... sit on it. And... do crunches on it. Pretty much what you'd usually do, but with a giant blown up ball you will forget about three weeks after new years instead. Go get em tiger!
EQD once again does not recommend these exercises for nonponies. Consult a nonpony professional before attempting any kind of strenuous whatever etc etc legal stuff.
