So, remember those changeling technology suits we were all
so excited about back in 2038? The ones
that utilize that amazing new genetic restructuring technology to painlessly
and flawlessly transform into other living things? The ones with the release
hyped up for two whole changeling-filled seasons of MLP? The ones that were pulled from the shelves
less than a week after they were first sold after that group of nine-year-olds were
seemingly irreversibly transformed into a flock of sheep? Yeah, those.
Anyway, after seven years of expensive legal mumbo-jumbo,
the Changeling Exosuit 2.0 is making its way back to stores, with several
notable improvements!
- Efficiency improvements! Exosuit interior mesh now has only 1400 essential contact points on the body with which to deliver DNA rearrangement signals instead of the original 1750.
- Bugfixes have removed the tendency of the user to develop instincts of the species they have transformed into.
- A new deluxe model is available, allowing for slight anatomical changes in many of the possible transformations, allowing the user to talk even while in animal form.
- Emergency backups of the user’s original genetic code can now be stored on external devices in case of malfunction leading to accidental data corruption or deletion during use.
- There are already rumors of a version 3.0, complete with full customization abilities to add new species data or create your own fantasy species, although Hasbro has stated that this technology is unlikely to appear until at least the end of the decade.
In other news, the Changeling Exosuit development team has
in fact (mostly) restored the victims of the unfortunate malfunction from a few years ago to their original
state. One or two of them still make
reflexive bleating sounds, but the developers insisted that this is a small
side effect and will wear off in the span of a year or so.
Pick up your Changeling Exosuit 2.0 at any local department
store starting next week!
