[Shipping]
Author: Ace2401
Description: After recovering from the love poison the troublesome Cutie Mark Crusaders gave them, Cheerilee and Big Macintosh were surprisingly unfazed by the strange situation. After a cordial evening together, the two got along just as well as they ever have, despite the awkwardness of their day.An Unexpected Development
However, weeks later, Cheerilee finds herself strangely ill...
An Unexpected Development (Alternate)
Additional Tags: Unintended Consequences, Hearts and Hooves Day Sequel
63 comments:
Strange illness after a love poison? I don't like where this is going.
ReplyDelete@MyBoyJ
ReplyDeleteShe got aids bro
Well, it certainly didn't take long for this story to pop up.
ReplyDeleteAh, somebody made an AIDS remark before me.
ReplyDeleteI'm only reading this because of that picture.
ReplyDelete@Jimmy James
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking more along the lines of pregnancy.
Also, Fluttershy is best midwife, if that's what this is.
Cheerilee's potion was "Spiked"
ReplyDeleteDefinitely pregnant
ReplyDeleteNO.
ReplyDeleteFun story!
ReplyDeleteI'd rather just move on from this...
ReplyDeleteI don't get it. Wasn't the love poison supposed to *prevent* them from doing the 'royal duties', and the kingdom fell when they had no heir?
ReplyDeleteHmmm, well, I'll give it read!
ReplyDeleteHmmm. I think I know what the "illness" is... Might be a good read... maybe.
ReplyDelete*insert Pinkie Pie playing the trombone before the credits*
ReplyDeleteIm not usually one for shipping stories but this one was rather good... I eagerly await for more!
ReplyDeleteIt WAS only a matter of time.
ReplyDeleteIn fact, I'm surprised it took so long.
Hey guys, author here. For some reason Seth didn't post the FiMFiction or google docs links even though I sent them to him, so here those are if anyone wants them.
ReplyDeleteGoogle Docs
FiMFiction
M. NIGHT SHAMWOW WISHES HE COULD DO A TWIST ENDING THIS GOOD
ReplyDelete@Tom
ReplyDeleteHeh, well, this was actually done by Sunday night. XD
RUH ROH
ReplyDelete*snickers* Is it morning sickness?
ReplyDelete"But I haven’t even had sex in ages!"
ReplyDeleteWait... WHAT?! How old are you, Cheerilee?! I thought you were around the same age as Rarity!
*faints*
@pmcollectorboy
ReplyDelete"In ages" = figure of speech that's used to exaggerate a period of time. It's equivalent to saying, "I haven't done such-and-such in forever."
They work fast don't they.
ReplyDeleteHmmm, I feel inclined to make slightly spoilery comments. BUT I guess I won't. Still, I find the premise somewhat disturbing, as it turns out.
ReplyDelete@Ace2401
ReplyDeleteYeah... EqD seems to forget about FiMfiction WAY TOO OFTEN. I prefer that site above all the others due to email tracking...
Also... why people favor Google Docs over any of the many other methods of posting fanfics blows my mind. That service is so unreliable it's pathetic...
Google Docs is trying to reach the server, DERP...
I certainly do with that more people would support FiMfiction.net. It truly is the best fan fiction site as far as brony readers are concerned. It's nice to be able to skip the 10000 Naruto and 100000 DBZxPokeman fics that I'm sure unfortunately exist. It's easily searchable, and has wonderful tracking tools!
My favorite fan fiction site, hooves down!
It makes me laugh, the idea of Cherilee being pregnant after a love potion mixup is more abhorrant to you guys than Twilight hooking up with any of the other mane 6 for any number of reasons.
ReplyDeleteWhy?
@Splendidly Unsplendid
ReplyDeleteWin comment is win.
You do realize that horses can't have sex while staring into each other's eyes. Physical impossibility.
ReplyDelete@richfiles
ReplyDeleteI find that Fimfiction is great all in all but not perfect. The Email notifications for comments is kind of derped if there is more than 1 page of comments. I really like the chat system on GDocs too. I wish each fic on Fim had it's own room instead of site wide. I's also way easier to offer editing on Gdocs.
Readability wise though I prefer the PFA. Easiest on the eyes overall.
@Suburbanbanshee
ReplyDeleteGranted, ponies probably still are able to look backward and sideways like normal horses, and the potion's magic did allow a little bit of independent movement. But they both looked orderly enough in the ice cream shop, and it had only been an hour. And I guarantee that horses in heat aren't into talking sweet nothings or gazing into eyes, so it would seem it wasn't that kind of potion.
Much more likely that the potion's side effects either caused a tumor, or that it's one of the other kinds of false pregnancy in a mare. False pregnancy is extremely common, sad to say.
http://americashorsedaily.com/false-pregnancy/ will fill you in.
Also, mares don't require extra nutrition until the last 3-4 months of the 11 months of pregnancy. (This is also when they start to "show", because 60% of foal growth in size occurs then.)
ReplyDeleteSo if Cheerilee is getting the munchies in April, Cheerilee was doing something in August or September, at the beginning of the school year.
Visibly slow and pregnant mares are a target for predators. This is why Mother Nature makes sure that broodmares aren't visibly slow and pregnant for very long. During early and middle pregnancy, mares act the same way as the rest of the herd.
ReplyDeletePoor Cheerilee.....
ReplyDeleteI can only imagine how traumatic this while situation is.....
@The conversation about pony pregnancy
ReplyDeleteYou guys are thinking too-much in term of actual horse pregnancies. Because the show has confirmed several times that the babies that are born to ponies are, in fact, not horse-like babies at all and are more human-like babies. So the idea that ponies in this universe would have more human-like qualities to their pregnancy as well makes sense.
Its an issue of 'are they more horse or human' and in this case I would suspect that they're more human. Certainly doesn't detract from the story and if anything makes it more relate-able, as most thing pony are relate-able.
@Splendidly Unsplendid
ReplyDeleteI don't know, getting pregnant due to a love poison mishap is rather disturbing in terms of ethics and law implications. Does it count as consent? No. Does it count as rape? For BOTH parties, yes. Does the love potion literally strip away free will and thus eliminate a part of the pony under its effects? Yes. Will the child become incapable of love like what happened with Voldemort? Maybe. Is the child unwanted? Yes.
There are lot of disturbing questions and answers if you really think about it.
Horrific implications of love poisons aside, you do have a point.
Thus begins Bic Mac's harem. :P
ReplyDeleteOr at least Fluttershy and Cheerilee. :D
The ending had me like thinking I know exactly where this is going but with fluttershy. Hahaha that made me laugh like crazy. Then I fealt bad for Cheerilee.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.dramabutton.com/
ReplyDeleteEeeeyup.
@Suburbanbanshee
ReplyDeleteJake Heritagu's right, I purposely made the pony pregnancy more like human pregnancy to make it more relateable. That and doing proper research on horse pregnancy would be really squicky. THE IMAGES THEY BURN D:
I'll probably even keep the pregnancy to nine months to keep it more consistent. Not that that's how long the story's gonna last in-universe.
<.<
>.>
Yeah.
@Benschachar
ReplyDeleteWho said I'm not taking all that into account? ...Except for the Voldemort thing. I didn't think of that. XD
>However, weeks later, Cheerilee finds herself strangely ill...
ReplyDelete>Additional Tags: Unintended Consequences
-Let's me guess... pregnancy ?
I don't really mind, but it's rather predictable.
@MyBoyJ
ReplyDeleteSounds like it. I wonder how many haters will go crazy, because of this ?
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteIt's not really meant to be unpredictable, it just provides the conflict for later. And the haters already had their fun, lol.
@Ace2401
ReplyDeleteI love you, my friend, but... um... if you do the research on human pregnancy (or if you're ever in a fandom with a lot of doctors and nurses writing fanfic), there's plenty of stuff about human pregnancy that also gets sanitized for fictional consumption.
Also, it's fairly common for horses and ponies not to have menstruation during the winter (unless you go to a lot of trouble with keeping the lights re-creating summer day lengths), whereas human women notice pretty quickly if they're not having periods.
I'm trying to believe your story as it stands... but honestly, you seem to have started out with a list of cliches instead of research. (Admittedly, I've read a lot of pregnancy fiction and nonfiction in my time, so maybe I'm noticing this stuff more.)
That's not a bar to writing a pleasant story that plenty of people will like, certainly. But I just think you could write a different pleasant story that would be a little deeper, with better fantasy/sf elements, and still be pleasant and interesting.
You've got a pleasant narrative voice, and I hope to see good things from you.
@Jake Heritagu
ReplyDeleteThe Cake babies could walk shortly after birth, unlike humans. They also had all the complicated developmental features of horses, plus the additional complications of functional horns and wings.
That ain't happening in nine months, my friend. Heck, I'd think people'd argue for magical MLP ponies having a slightly longer gestational period than eleven months. (Frex, gorilla gestation is often as short as 8.3 months, though just like humans, some babies stick around longer.)
Shrug. Whatever people want to write is fine with me. But when you start with cute fantasy (and when so many people insist on writing dark gritty fics anyway), I would like to either see attention to equine detail (or a speculative version thereof), or move straight to the stork and cabbages (which folks could make funny and cute). Fics don't have to give every gritty detail, surely, but I like fics that give me the sense of a different society with different foundation rules.
Like hooves clattering on hard surfaces. Like ponies living in a world of smells as well as sight and sound. Like ponies being able to look behind them without moving. Stuff like that. There's plenty of nice fun to be had by having your anthromorphic cake and eating your equine cake too.
@Letharz
ReplyDeleteYou know, that's actually what I thought would be the natural tendency for offcolor MLP fics (or for romantic comedy fic by people who've watched a lot of anime). Multiple attractive girl characters, one main male character whom they all buzz around, and plenty of male fanfic writers to write up the results.
Hooboy, was I wrong. I'll never make a fortuneteller! :)
@Benschachar
ReplyDeleteKudos on your accurate analysis of the rape situation.
Amendment: Being the child of rape doesn't make one "incapable of love."
Being raised by people who hate you or neglect you can make you a psychopath (emphasis on "can", not "will", because plenty people come out of that okay, or with other problems than psychopathy/sociopathy).
However, there are plenty of people out there who can't feel emotions and aren't instinctively clear on right and wrong, but who consistently decide intellectually to do the right thing. These people often live out normal lives and have loving families.
With Voldemort, the author set up a background that was both horrible and symbolic. People argue about whether Church of Scotland Calvinism comes into it, and whether Voldemort was doomed by his horrible family. But since Harry also came from a horrible family, and since even real life psychopaths can choose to do good instead of evil, I think it's simplistic to blame all Voldy's problems on his parents' sin. He spent his entire life choosing to rape other people's wills, but he also spent it persuading the likeminded to join him and corrupting his friends to become likeminded. So I don't think Rowling really meant to portray Tom Riddle as always having been one of the damned.
And I certainly don't think you should assume that about children of rape. Plenty of such children walking around, who were either raised by a mother who took some good out of her horror, or who were adopted out to families who loved them. I'm surprised nobody with such a background has shown up on this thread already!
Sorry about the long comments, friends. I'm mouthy once I get going. :)
ReplyDeleteOh, and I have thought of an out for shorter pony gestation.
ReplyDeleteEarth ponies have the power to make things grow unnaturally fast, and we've seen that ponies of all types heal with magical swiftness. If you take Rainbow Dash's broken wing as an example (6-8 weeks recovery accomplished in 6-8 days), one might be able to assume that pony gestation is also seven times faster than normal.
So a 48 week gestation might only take 48 days... in which case Cheerilee is just about halfway, and would reasonably be expected to have the munchies and beginning to be heavy with foal.
@Suburbanbanshee @Nova25
ReplyDeleteUhoh... A prggnacy story after the love potion incident... HOW UNCREATIVE! SEND IT TO THE MOON! Or this story could be about a more pleasant subject matter, cause that's what you think the author should write...
Really?
No, REALLY!!!
So it shouldn't be written, or explored, or the consequences examined and dealt with, and the story should just all together be about something different...
Cause pregnancy is predictable and the subject matter unpleasant...
/)-_- Twi-facehoof
@richfiles
ReplyDeleteHow nice of you to pursue me from the 'Scootabelle (Redux)' story to here, in an attempt to *twist my words* some more, and troll me.
Very.
You are downright paranoid to some frighting extremes... and -I- thought I was paranoid ?
My words that -you- twisted, trying to make them say what they DON'T... again :
>-Let's me guess... pregnancy ?
-Me wondering and think about the sentence I quoted, and formulating a possible theory.
>I don't really mind, but it's rather predictable.
-Me saying that *I don't mind* : 1) Pregnancy, 2) the fact that the story ends up having pregnancy following the relatively standard combination of 'Accidental love+time'.
So, I would recommend you to tone down your rampant paranoia, and to think twice of what people actually REALLY said, before twisting their words.
CH.1 :
ReplyDelete>"Huh, then yeah, maybe prankin' Pinkie ain't such a bright idea after all," stated Applebloom
-Pinky Pie, the Ultimate Prankster Champion ! ;) ...I think there’s even a story around that, somewhere. Maybe one of those 1st April stories of last year.
>"I don't have any patience for tomfoolery today
-‘tomfoolery’ ?... had to check that word. Kinda funny how there’s ‘’Tom’’ in the word. ;)
>It was almost the end of March (March 30th to be exact)
-About 1.5month after ‘’Valentines’’ day... just counting.
>'Oh no... that love poison... we were under its curse for hours without supervision.
-Under the effect of the potion, both decided to have a ‘’private moment’’ together, since they ‘’loved’’ each other so much ? Well... I suppose this is possible.
In fact... in a way... it’s a bit like an ‘’accidental night’’ when 2 people are very drunk. But, here instead of being ‘drunk’ from alcohol, they were ‘drunk’ from love(potion-poison).
>Big Macintosh was the first to make it to the gazebo for his April Foal's Day date
>Fluttershy.
-Dun-duun DUN!
-----
Hopefully, considering that every involved individuals are intelligent and reasonable ponies, they will find a way to properly settle things... after the initial (and rather normally expected) coo-coo-crazy moment of shock and disbelief of this revelation.
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteWhoa dude!!!
/)O_O(\
Take yer meds!
I ain't followin' nopony! Talk about paranoia... All I said was a sarcastic response to the line. It was directed to everypony who is giving the author crap for "going there". Your line was short, simple, and concise, and worked... Notice I didn't even reply solely to you...
Dude... Work out your paranoia issues.
I didn't "follow you" from anywhere. I will forget your username again, EVEN after this bit of weirdness! I mostly reply to COMMENTS, not USERS...
Except mycutiemarkisagun... He is a freakin' RIOT!!! That dude always makes me bust a gut! I totally follow his comments! LOL :D
BWAHAHAHAHA!!!
@richfiles
ReplyDeleteAlways as indirectly-insulting and impolite as ever, I see ?
Even mycutiemarkisagun is more reasonable... at least him, he once stated (and explained... His explanation was interesting) that he followed a specific style (almost persona) when commenting...
You, what your excuse for constantly taking what I/other people say and twisting it, mmh ?
Personally, I don't especially especially care about all this, but I despise people deforming what I say... whatever their goal is.
@richfiles
ReplyDeleteYou misunderstand me. Telling an accidental pregnancy story, totally in terms of human gestation, can certainly be interesting. At the moment, not so much.
What's more interesting is what's not included, which is pretty much everything that I kept asking myself.
(Like, given the logical physical consequences of coupling for a male pony, it would seem likely that Big Mac would have known he'd done something while under the influence. And I'm pretty sure Cheerilee would also have been able to tell.)
(Heck, even if you took strictly human parameters, not being able to tell within the space of an hour seems unrealistic. She wasn't waking up with a hangover twelve hours later.)
Now, of course a lot of my questions may well be answered in the next few chapters. You could say that Cheerilee was sore all over and had wrenched her legs with all that running to get to Big Mac, for example. Or that the poison made her hurt and ache everywhere afterwards, so that any minor physical signs went unnoticed by Cheerilee.
ReplyDeleteOh, and my "pleasant" comment was in reference to the writer's dislike of horse gestation facts, which was why the writer said that human gestation was being used instead.
I say this to anyone who thinks its stupid for Cheerilee to not notice the symptoms of being pregnant when she will likely have to teach it in class some time. She didn't know she had sex, and it has apparently been so long since she last had any, that it wasn't a possibility in her mind.
ReplyDelete@Suburbanbanshee
ReplyDeleteFair enough, though it had been hours since the deed had been done when they came too, and yeah, with the other things that were going on they would have been sore all over. Because I'm pretty sure breaking down doors with your face hurts.
And it's not like I dislike horse gestation facts themselves, it's just that everywhere I saw that really had good information had... unpleasant images.
And yes, I did take a liberty with the missed period somewhat, but from what I found online, women do sometimes really take 6-8 weeks before they figure out they're pregnant the first time if they weren't expecting it. There are other reasons why they could miss a period after all.
Anyhow, I hope as the story veers away from dealing with all the facts of pregnancy and more on the interactions between the characters, you'll be able to enjoy it more. And thank you for being pleasant in your comments instead of just "l0lz u got teh pregnant things wrong lol ur dumb." :D
@OminousBrony
ReplyDeleteHeh, yeah, that's pretty much the reason.
Sorry to anyone who wanted to see this story continue. It appears that Ace died in late May due to heart complications.
ReplyDeleteRIP Micheal
On his 20th birthday. Just awful. R.I.P
ReplyDelete