[Comedy]
Author: Sir Ostentatious
Description: For your perusal, a pony. Somewhere in the neighborhood of sister and best friend, Rainbow Dash finds herself disturbingly estranged from her friend. She must rely on an expert to help her escape the clutches of friendship, lest she forever be banished in that realm forever. She is about to enter, The Friend Zone.The Friend Zone
Additional Tags: Mane 6 Cannot Be Shipped
50 kommentaari:
I love Twilight Zone references.
VastaKustutaI agree with that tag.
VastaKustutaFun fact: I went to college in the town where Rod Serling grew up, and on occasion, I have been known to sound like him.
VastaKustutaAutor on selle kommentaari eemaldanud.
VastaKustutaIt better turn out that it was aliens.
VastaKustuta@Corky64
VastaKustutaI explicitly disagree with the additional tags.
I only really read mane six shipping. best stuff this fandom has seen, imo, in terms of shipping.
now, let's tear these pre-readers a new one, after last night.
@Corky64
VastaKustutaTotally not a joke.
Autor on selle kommentaari eemaldanud.
VastaKustutaWell, those additional tags were a lie.
VastaKustutaStar-bombed, or is it just that bad?
VastaKustutaI COULD have gone through life without reading erotic pastry fiction. Then I clicked on this.
VastaKustutayou cant expect to have 2 stars+ with those tags , sorry.
VastaKustutaIs it really this bad? Haven't read it, but it's the first time I see a story that made it past the pre-reading and got such a low rating.
VastaKustutaPeople should stop judging based on tags, and actually read the story >_<
VastaKustutaI see no problem with Mane 6 shipping, so I think that additional tag is a blatant lie.
VastaKustutaOpinions, opinions.
Somehow this fic manages to get 1star bombed by those who hate shipping story, because it is Rainbow Dash / Pinkie Pie story, but at the same time the story manages to get 1starred by those who love shipping but read the tags "Mane 6 Cannot Be Shipped". The result is not pretty :(
VastaKustutaCan't people just vote only after they have read the story? Please? This just seems really immature.
As for the story itself: Well written, but I think the title and Twilight explaining the "friend zone" were the best parts, other than that it seemed somewhat unoriginal. Derpy and Carrot Top are always pretty funny though.
@Acriaos
VastaKustutai have the best idea.
maybe the author shouldn't be stupid and make a stupid claim.
now, some asshat is gonna come along and say that it's just a joke and people shouldn't take it so seriously.
i agree with the latter.
@Tzeentch
VastaKustutathen... ya know.... read it, find out.
maybe i'm just backwards, but i'll look into a 2.5 story first than a 4.8 story just to see what made a 2.5 story so bad.
"Then I can eat cupcakes while I eat cupcakes!"
VastaKustutaYo dawg!
Well, I definitely liked it. It earned a lot of points right off the bat when I saw it was PinkieDash, and then it actually turned out to be a really cute and funny fic with a happy ending.
Holy shit you cockbags this doesn't even have a fucking shipping tag.
VastaKustuta@wackypony
VastaKustutaAfter reading the story, you realize that the additional tags actually were a joke.
Side note, the Friend Zone concept is actually extremely sexist in origin and an imaginary construct of our society created by both socially acceptable pride-cushioning romantic rejections and as a pride-saving maneuver after a rejection. (ie: "I only think of you as a friend" as opposed to "I am not attracted to you in a sexual/romantic way", as well as "It's not that she finds me physically unappealing; instead, it's because I did something wrong!") It is actually quite insulting, as it implies that a woman must repay a man's attentions with an attraction toward him, which belittles a woman's right to choose who she is attracted to.
VastaKustuta(Note that the terms woman and man are used here because of how the Friend Zone is often used in society; it can apply to either sex in theory.)
Most women I know hate this term with a passion.
Also, I did read this and tried to stay unbiased about the subject matter. I truly did. It's the writing style that I really dislike about this piece. Its attempts at humor are amusing. The letter at the end is quite cute and true (except the whole "You'll get the girl" part, but I'm guessing that my own projection there). The writing style just didn't do it for me. I loved the em dashes and the fun bolded sections, at least.
@Hawkysu
VastaKustutaI read the first page, would've read more but this haze of laze has formed over my brain since it's still too damn early, and i noticed that, because of the lack of a shipping tag, and the comedy tag.
How the hell is a comedy story that parodies the Twilight Zone, suddenly being taken seriously for it's tags "The mane 6 cannot be shipped" when the story is called The Friend Zone?
VastaKustutaSeriously? Readers? I'm a huge shipper and I thought this combination of description and tags was funny.
What kind of idiot can take this so seriously?
As my last comment was mostly nonconstructive, I am going to try my hand at being constructive! I believe most of my dislike for the writing style came from a lot of telling instead of showing. For example:
VastaKustuta“[...]” The eggplant pony offered didactically.
Rainbow Dash looked emphatically at Twilight. “[...]"
My first reaction was that these kinds of statements could have been stated in a more "showing" way. For example, the author could have used body language to explain these things instead of simply telling us how it happened. Then, I realized why the author wrote it the way he/she did. Lengthy "showing" descriptions would have slowed down the humor in the piece, and it is primarily labelled a comedy.
I do recommend people who are a fan of comedy give this piece a try, because upon a second glance over the text, it really is well-written. I suppose it's my personal tastes that made me dislike it before. The characterization is amusing and the author truly does have a flair for the comedic.
@bestpony
VastaKustutai'm curious. How would you have written those two sentences?
i see no problem with the two. maybe cause i don't have a problem with showing v telling in that area, tbh, but:
"Rainbow Dash looked emphatically at Twilight. “[...]""
seems to be okay.
@bestpony
VastaKustutaActually, I'd say your first comment was very constructive, or at least thoughtfully phrased if somewhat tangential to the actual story for the most part.
IT SURE BEATS ONE STARRING A FIC BECAUSE YOU READ THE TAGS BY GUM
Anyway, thank you for taking the time to write two comments explaining your opinions. You are already better than a few dozen people around here.
Maybe you should put a shipping tag , and delete those additionnal tags.
VastaKustutaI'm sorry, but I just didn't find this very good.
VastaKustutaI'm not going to be a dick and vote it down or anything; in fact, I rarely vote at all: as an author here, I feel voting on another's work to be somewhat unfair on my part, since I'm not truly impartial.
The only time I'll vote on anything is if it's considered a five-star story because they tend to be truly incredible. Other than that, you'll just get a critique.
That said then as stated, it's just not very good. I can see the intent, but the execution needs work.
I'm amazed by how seriously folks are taking this silly, amusing, and entertaining little story.
VastaKustutaI lost it at "The color mixture of blue and red pony."
I greatly enjoyed it!
@wackypony
VastaKustutaFor someone whose name is "wackypony", you sure are a "The internet is serious business" kind of person.
@bestpony
Would you mind showing me how you would rewrite this sentence? I have a HUGE problem showing, especially body language, and it would help me and a lot of other struggling authors if you could kindly show how one "show not tell" something like "The eggplant pony offered didactically.
Rainbow Dash looked emphatically at Twilight."
As for the story itself... yeah, not interested. Not a fan of mane 6 inter-shipping myself, just not my thing. But at the very least, I'll refrain from rating it unless I do take the time to read it first.
Let this be a lesson, folks; even when it's obvious you're just trying to make a joke, always be very careful when choosing additional tags and always, ALWAYS putting a shipping tag if your story has shipping with the mane six.
My prejudice for same-sex shipping aside, this story was actually not all that well constructed. Very jarring breaks and the narration was very disruptive. There's nothing inherently wrong with the story itself, but it definitely isn't good the way it is now.
VastaKustutaI'm also a little biased when it comes to Pinkie Pie. She deserves a man, nor do I think she would be the kind who could pass as homosexual, or even bi-interested. This is the reason I'm not voting, even though my previous comment is both valid and worthy of a vote in itself.
Shipping isn't an issue for me - hell half my stories are that, and voting something just because you don't like that kind of sorry is a really dickish move; read it before you vote, guys - I just didn't really like it.
VastaKustutaThat's my only statement and my only action.
As much as I loved the tone of this fic, I have to say that the "happy" ending ruined it, especially with the five-word description in mind. The whole point of the narrative seemed to be that The All-Powerful Friend Zone would not be broken, which...was honestly a pattern I was hoping to see continue all the way to the end in increasingly extreme ways. I mean, you can still give a comedy weight without having the proverbial "happy ending" making everything all hunky-dory; as odd as this may sound, having Dash actually get with Pinkie at the end seemed to make the whole story pointless, never mind the fact that it completely misrepresented what makes the concept of the friend zone both funny and painful.
VastaKustutaIn medieval times, the court jesters were famous for being the only ones who could speak the real truth to the king because of their ability to frame each real issue as an item of comedy or parody. You had all of that going for you, but in my opinion, you ruined it by going back to the classic standpoint I thought you were intending to avoid the whole time. Maybe I'm just reflecting my own personal disappointment, but for now I have to agree with the consensus star rating above. 3/5
Hah, ship fail, Im naming this fic "Titanic"
VastaKustuta@bestpony
VastaKustutaI definitely agree with you there. The "friend zone" is an offensive lie.
"Hey, wanna go out?" "No, can we be friends instead?" "Sure! I'll just secretly harbor feelings for you and creepily put you on a pedestal without your knowledge, glorify everything you do, and be all saddy waddy whenever I think of you, instead of acknowledging the fact that you are an intelligent human being who can make his/her own decisions."
Srsly, dudes, get over it. If they aren't into you, don't waste your time.
On a related note, I actually enjoyed the story. I was really hoping that the tags wouldn't be a lie, because I think they work better as friends...but it's all cool. I liked the take on it.
Wow... people have a lot of issues to work through whenever shipping comes up, and this seemed to set off all of them.
VastaKustutaAnyway, [SPOILERS AHEAD] the story made me laugh... Loved the concept of the FIM Universe enforcing a "Friend Zone" for the Mane Six, and Dash suffering "Feeling Pinkie Keen" karmic retribution for trying to break through it. And the increasingly absurd ways to call Twilight "purple" got a chuckle each time.
A fun idea and a nice afternoon's diversion!
I get it was supposed to be a comedy/satyr, but the writing style just didn't do anything for me. It was amusing at times, but it bugged me more than it made me laugh. Especially with the (I assume purposeful) "Just then!" on every scene change. Succinctly: there's satyr and then there's annoying your readers. I'm not quite sure I like being hit so blatantly in the face with references either.
VastaKustutaIt's entirely possible people (like me) just don't like it and rate it thus rather than having any particular issues with the subject matter (which I don't).
It's not a 1 (I've yet to see anything on here that deserves a 1), but I'm not likely to give it a 4-5 either.
I thought this was funny, cute, and cleverly written. It gets a 5 from me, and I disregard the shipping because it certainly seems like they are just friends who love eatchother !
VastaKustuta@Hagil
VastaKustutaWhen you say "references", what exactly do you mean? I hear people generically complain about references, but never mention any specific pitfalls to avoid when writing. That would be useful information for other would-be writers.
Ok, this story was hilarious, I nearly choked to death, trying not to laugh out loud (I'm not the only person in this house and I dont want to disturb anyone by laughing half an hour...).
VastaKustutaSo, well, I quite enjoyed it.
Very interesting choice of words, by the way. I counted 17 different descriptions for Twilight's colour. And the way Pinkie was stuffing that cupcake.... well, I can truly understand why Spike is doing "stuff" that often.
I'm not going to quote more, just read it for yourselves, this story is worth it! Defenitely starbombed, I don't think there are so few people out there not open for that kind of humor.
This fic was ridiculous. It was full of meme references, sexual innuendos, and cheap literary puns. It's a parody of it's self.
VastaKustutaSir Ostentatious, you should feel ashamed that you would ever put words and sentences together in such a manor!
That said, I thoroughly enjoyed it and hope to read more in the future.
@Batty Gloom
VastaKustutaThe whole inception meme for one.
References to outside material (or other fics) are not bad when used well, subtly or wittily, but I don't feel this managed any of the above. When they're well done they trigger a laugh or make a decent connection or nod to another story. When done poorly they just stick out and break the pacing.
On another note: I agree with another poster above, I could have done without the easy connection to cupcake innuendo as well.
Maybe I'm just stuffy, who knows? I prefer comedy more along the lines of The Best Night Ever or another satyr story (which sadly I can't remember the name of) that took all the overused story lines within FiM fanfiction and managed to mesh them together quite well.
If that doesn't clear it up the best I can say at this point is: the story grated on me for reasons I cannot properly articulate.
@Batty Gloom
VastaKustutaOther notable references (not necessarily to avoid or used in this particular story, but these are what people mean):
Luna with an abacus
Cupcakes
20% cooler
Inclusion of virtually any meme from the internet (I've seen dozens in various stories, some well done, most... not so much)
... There are tons of them.
All kinds of stuff that takes thought or tact (usually both) to use well.
I think I'm the only one here who didn't know what a friend zone was until this fic. I guess I should have read the comments first before reading the story, haha. When I realized that it truly was a shipping fic (when the story started becoming TwiDash), I had to stop reading (no offense to its author). Still, what I did read seemed to be pretty well-written from what I remember. Anyway, I think this fic should be labeled with [Shipping], or at least [Light Shipping] depending on how much shipping there is.
VastaKustutaJust then! I read a silly story and enjoyed it!
VastaKustutaI'm not all that crazy about shipping myself, but this story fell a little short of my expectation just because the Twilight Zone references in the summary were really funny, but the story itself was...okay. Not bad, just...okay.
VastaKustutaThe cupcake within a cupcake stuff was good and Dash consistently being interrupted was good, and I thought Spike's comments were funny, but Derpy and Carrot Top seem a little out-of-place, like the story suddenly veered off and started focusing on them when it should have stayed focused on Dash. I dunno, I feel like you could have done a lot more with this concept of the Friend Zone.
I loved this more than I think is reasonable.
VastaKustutaThat tag is just a joke.
VastaKustutaRead the story then you'll understand.
I loved the "Just then!" scene changes, but they got annoying when inserted into the scene.
VastaKustutaPinkie's...cupcake stuffing made me go: "what the hell" about five times.
Spike's gay comments annoyed me.
The ending seemed rushed.