[Normal] Guys... This pony is really cute.
Author: Present Perfect
Description: A new colt moves to Ponyville and Scootaloo begins acting strangely, forcing Sweetie Belle to choose between her friends and her conscience. Meanwhile, the colt's fathers, looking for a new beginning, discover just how far making assumptions will get them.Whisk
Additional Tags: Adults and children, assumptions, fatherhood
59 comments:
Looks good.
ReplyDeleteWell this is new to me.
ReplyDelete"A new colt moves to Ponyville and Scootaloo begins acting strangely."
ReplyDeleteAnd there is no shipping in this?
Dude. That was. . . dude.
ReplyDeleteGreat story! I really enjoyed it! Gravy Whisk is really adorable! I think that you handled the rather tricky theme expertly!
ReplyDeleteThis was seriously good. As the author said, writing about gay relationships in an accepting environment is tough, but they pulled it off beatifully.
ReplyDeleteAlso, +1 for immature Lyra ;)
[SPOILERS]
ReplyDeleteThe description of this story didn´t really grab me, and it seemed to be an OC story anyway, so I was about to ignore it (we all have certain tags and things that we found we don't enjoy in general, right?). Then I noticed the author tag. Had to read it then of course.
Glad I did. That was a very enjoyable read indeed. Scoot's reasoning I thought was obvious from the start. And for the most part it was. But the "he stole somepony else's dad" was a very nice touch. Indeed, Lyra was fun. And.... "Ahh, but Lady Rarity, faint heart never won fair mushroom." Celestia, I love that line :D. Really cracked me up. In general, really enjoyed reading this.
That was really cute and well-written!
ReplyDeleteThe only thing I have to question is just a minor detail. Don't the Cakes have twin foals? I guess it's not quite canon yet, but the leaks have been pretty spot on.
Also, your doc has global commenting enabled. Don't know if you care enough to turn it off for fear of vandalism or what, but just a heads up.
Looks really great.
ReplyDeleteI know Lyra is a bit... off... but that small bit made no sense to me. I know it's one of those 'I'm grossed out by something, but I am that too' types of jokes, but still
ReplyDelete@Baree:
ReplyDeleteHey, good to see you! :D Nice to know I could sell you on my name alone. ;D Glad you enjoyed it!
@Darkmire:
The episode hasn't aired and the synopsis is actually unclear (it reads as though the foals belong to a pony named Cake), so I'm not including that. Plus, I don't want them to have kids. D: I'm not looking forward to that episode.
@Big Ditzy:
It's a fandom joke, actually. A macro of Lyra going "Ew, gay!" was pretty ubiquitous last year. To be perfectly honest, I more or less wrote this story so I could have that scene in it; I think it's hysterical. So, yeah, entirely fanwank.
Hahah lyra made me laugh! The use Of that meme in his story was genius! If you right anymore i suggest you use meme as cleverly as you did
ReplyDelete@Seamusch:
ReplyDeleteYou like memes? Check out http://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/07/story-elements-of-awesomery.html
It's almost nothing but memes and references, and there's more on the way. :B
I'm glad I read this story. It wasn't the most descriptive in the world, but what you gave us and my own familiarity with the characters and places more than made up for that. Every pony seemed to be in character enough, with Scoots being the best since it is mostly OC ground (I think?). She was handled well regardless. I loved the short bit with her mom, too - it really hit that awkward and hilarious moment when you need to explain something you're not ready for.
ReplyDeleteThe dialogue choices seemed to be well formed and written with, again, everypony sounding like they should. There were a few moments where there we several paragraphs of pure dialogue, which I'm unused to. Personally, I'd introduce some prose in there somewhere to give us some more insight into the situation, but I followed well enough without it. Just a note.
Zecora's bit was well rhymed, as well, which is a somewhat interesting dialogue affectation, so good job there, too.
Finally, your OC characters were all great and fit in well with the whole piece, though I have a few minor complaints about them. There were a couple of situations where I thought you were laying on the whole 'we're a couple' thing a little thick, which felt like a challenge to the reader directly to just try and incite something. However, it is also completely possible that it was just Brown's way of challenging -Rarity- into saying something.
@Croswynd
ReplyDeleteIn conclusion (since apparently there's a word limit), I felt this was an excellently written story with great characters all around, both established and of your own creation.
There was a problem presented, a conflict, and an eventual heartearming resolution, with a lesson or two thrown in.
I urge anyone who has doubts about reading this to go straightaway and do it anyway. It's a marvelous example of literature and a fun little story.
As for myself, I look forward to more about these characters, if I have to be honest. Mushroom is indeed a charmer. ;)
Not bad. I do hope you plan to make stories similiar to this in the future.
ReplyDeleteKeep up the good work!
Yet another story posted that doesn't add the author to the labels.
ReplyDeleteI thought the story was very charming, and I applaud the author for tackling a very real and difficult issue, that probably won't ever addressed in the actual show. I admit, I was ready to groan at use of the egg cliché, whaqt's the way it was handled in an unexpected direction really grabbed my attention again. The characters were all charmingly well-written, and best of all, the ending was not one, but several important lessons that I think we can all appreciate. Overall, this was a very enjoyable read.
ReplyDeleteI think this is an excellent story and this is coming from someone who's not a fan of OCs. But I am a fan of Scootaloo and I think you explored her really well here. I d'aaawed
ReplyDeleteSo cute and so well written! Loved the characterization, the OC pony was relatable and fit right in. Great job! :)
ReplyDeleteGood story.
ReplyDeleteMore fan-wank than I usually go for but well written and well done OCs. Think it would be funny to have a deleted scene in the Everfree with Stephen Magnet though, lol.
I don't read [Normal] pony stories so I can explore M/M relationships. A [Shipping] tag would be helpful. In a genre with TwiDash and the like, this wouldn't even raise an eyebrow. As-is, the bait-and-switch consumes too much goodwill for me to bother with the rest of the story.
ReplyDelete@WhitFox
ReplyDeleteIt's possible the shipping tag was not used due to multiple interpretations of what shipping refers to.
Some take it as only canon characters apply, not OCs.
Some take it as only applying to stories in which the relationship is developing.
Some take it only to apply to stories in which the relationship is what the story is about.
Some take it to apply to any non-platonic, non-canonized relationship being depicted to any degree.
To be honest, the story’s title and synopsis did not interest me. I ended up reading this because of the author.
ReplyDeleteThe story has a slow opener. And the whole bunch of pages at the start were rather slow. I suppose that you’re building up characterization over here, but there is not much incentive to continue reading on, I wasn’t really hooked. There were also some paragraphs of info dumping in the middle. Pinkie’s appearance could be broken up into more paragraphs.
However, I like the writing style and balance of description. I would have liked to hear what Scootaloo said to Mushroom at the Everfree forest scene. Also, it would be nice if you could add some comedy to spice up the story.
The ending is nice and sweet, but then again, I saw no incentive to continue reading once the main problem was solved.
@Croswynd:
ReplyDeleteMany thanks! :D I'm glad Mushroom made an impression. I'm not sure what you mean by the 'we're' a couple' thing, though. Just Brown's general possessiveness, or something else? Also, yes, dumb word limits. :B
@Steve Jobs:
zombie goasts leave this place! D: I mean, thank you! I write all kinds of stuff, but I've definitely got some other slice-of-life ideas on the burner. (I wonder if this doesn't need that tag...)
@DPV111:
You're right about the fan-wank. :) I will say in my defense that I was pandering to myself first and foremost; I thought it was funny! Mushroom vs. Steven Magnet? The Everfree Forest would be fabulous.
Also, re: the author tag, you can always let the blogponies know, at the [email protected] email address, when stuff like that happens. :B I'll let 'em know this time.
@WhitFox:
I didn't put a shipping tag because the relationship is A) already underway and B) not between canon characters. My goal was not to bamboozle you but to explore a topic I find compelling. I'm sorry you don't.
Not bad. I rather enjoyed reading this story, but I was caught a bit off-guard by how Lyra was characterized. In general, I enjoyed how things were resolved as I like my ponies to have joyful endings. Addressing some of the other comments, is it really shipping if it's a preexisting relationship involving OC ponies? I'm inclined to think not, but I could be mistaken.
ReplyDelete@cheezesauce:
ReplyDeleteAnd one more while I was writing that last reply!
I think I left out Scootaloo's story because I left out Whisk's; but actually his was left out because it was more or what less the reader saw, while Scoot's wouldn't have been, so that's mea culpa.
I do feel kind of bad that I didn't hook you well enough. :/ And, well, I thought there was some funny stuff in this, but comedy is not my strong suit.
@SpanglePony
ReplyDeletei liked that Lyra part. It made me laugh. Lyra doesn't have any canon character anyway
@PresentPerfect
Oh, i would have thought that it was a good opportunity to show the interaction between both of them. And there could have been quite a lot of emotions going on. Ahh but thats just my opinion. I'm not like some experienced writer or something
Well I must say I enjoyed it. Nice to read some good M/M shipping and Mushroom and Brown sound like a real nice couple. Also good to see a well writen Zecora.
ReplyDelete@SpanglePony
ReplyDeleteIf the relationship were merely background, and fit with the show, I'd agree [Normal] is fine. Since Mr. and Mrs. Cake are included in episodes, it'd be silly to tag all references to couples.
A story where gay marriage is a significant issue? That merits a tag, for the same reason a TwiDash story merits a tag. It's not to all tastes, and readers who deliberately picked a [Normal] story may not enjoy the pony world being pushed in this direction.
I'll take the author's word that the "assumptions" tag was not intentionally misleading so we'd read past the two dads reference. But I'm still not amused that the joke is on me for reading the story.
Awwwww
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading this. Only two small bits of criticism: Although everypony else was spot on (particularly Rarity!), I thought Pinkie and Scootaloo's characterizations were off in some places. I found the "Cool it, Mayor, no one does that goofy dance anymore!" line jarringly dismissive and mean-spirited coming from Pinkie. I was a little bit iffy on her running out of energy and collapsing at the party, too.
ReplyDeleteAs for Scootaloo, I know it's a central part of the story, but I can't see her playing the part of a bully. This is one of the ways I feel like she differs from Rainbow Dash. While Rainbow is brash and sometimes irritable, Scootaloo is just enthusiastic. She hasn't been shown to have much of a temper, other than in the sculpture garden where she was no worse than Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle.
Again, these are minor complaints. Still a very good read!
0.0
ReplyDeleteHoly *buy some apples*. This is amazing!
@WhitFox:
ReplyDeleteAgain, I'm sorry you feel misled. The 'assumptions' tag is thematic, not directed at the reader. Though I have to express my disappointment that such content would ruin a story for you.
To make sure I'm understanding you correctly: any romantic relationship which has not been seen in the show (thus, not the Cakes, not Twilight or Rarity's parents) must be tagged [Shipping]?
@ThemsAllTook:
Ahh, I wondered if someone would call me out on that last Pinkie scene. I will stand by the opening of Party of One to show that Pinkie does have physical limitations. Surely the continual delivering of snacks to one part of a room while simultaneously playing hostess for the rest of the room (which I admittedly did not show; it was a last-minute addition c.c) is as tiring as singing and dancing the same song five times in a row, with travel between houses.
As for Scootaloo, well, that's the entire point of the story. I tried to lampshade it twice: first with the description to get the reader's expectations in the right place ("She's acting strange?") and then using Sweetie as a stand-in for the reader ("You're acting strange!") Whether or not you believe Scoot's capable of what she does in this fic is probably just a matter of headcanon opinion. So long as you were able to believe it for the duration of the story at least, I think I did well. :)
@Tundra:
Nice FiW reference. ;D You're too kind!
Maybe make a new tag? Um. . . How about "Thorny"? That should cover issues that aren't quite shipping, aren't quite sex, but aren't quite "normal".
ReplyDelete@Present Perfect
ReplyDeleteActually the fanwankery I was referring to was more along the lines of Scootaloo's family and backstory. I normally don't mind invented history to a degree, but when it's the sole grounds for a canon character's otherwise OOC actions... Well let's just say it's not a writing tool I especially respect...
That was a pretty great story! And i just realized that fanfics have made me more accepting of homosexuality, what with all the lesbian shipping. It's never been a big deal with me, but now I don't even feel a bit of "weirdness" thinking about it. This is a love and tolerance win, guys!
ReplyDelete@Present Perfect
ReplyDeleteActually, M/M shipping doesn't ruin a story for me, though my tolerance for it is limited. It's the misuse of a [Normal] tag and no content warning elsewhere. Regardless of your true intentions, that choice implies more interest in shock or propaganda than brony entertainment. So why waste more time reading?
When I suggest a [Shipping] tag, it's to make sure you get readers with the proper frame of mind to enjoy your story. That I read [GrimDark] sometimes, doesn't mean I want it all the time. Quite the contrary.
As for when [Shipping] is appropriate, I think you're overestimating my standard. Not every mention of a non-canon relationship qualifies. But if any romantic relationship is a key element of the story, and it goes well beyond what you'd see in the show - how can it not be shipping?
Now if the M/M relationship were as subtle as the show may be portraying Lyra and Bon-Bon, there wouldn't be a problem. That's not the story you wanted to write, and that's fine. But the reader deserves to know what he's getting into.
If you feel the shipping tag conjures memories of bad TwiDash stories, a comment in the synopsis works even better. It's not as if the M/M relationship is a big secret reveal.
@WhitFox
ReplyDeleteThere are bad TwiDash stories?
Apparently, the author's name isn't in the labels ? That's odd.
ReplyDeleteLoved this story! I hope these characters get used in the fanon more.
ReplyDeleteBut I agree that it kinda needs a [Light-Shipping] tag at least. Nothing you wouldn't see on an episode of 'The Modern Family', (except the characters are much less cliche) so don't let that scare you off potential readers.
@Present Perfect
ReplyDeleteAlso, VERY glad to hear there's more "Elements of Awesomery" on the way.
@DPV111:
ReplyDeleteAhh, I see. Now that the episode has aired (I was so paranoid they'd reveal Scootaloo's family), I can answer this. I can understand that and it's a valid criticism. I... actually have nothing to say to this; it's what I needed to do for the story. Part of my hope was to undercut the standard "Scootaorphan" fanon, which I know at least one pre-reader absolutely detests... Yeah, that's about it. :B Sorry if I lost some respect in your eyes.
@WhitFox:
There is no need for a 'content warning' on this story. I recommend you read the comment above the one I am replying to. Suffice to say, if I were actually gay, you would have offended me quite a while ago by this point. I hope you find some other fanfic on this site that is more to your liking.
@DPV111:
Only TwiDash stories that get star-bombed because they dare to display a Shipping tag.
@Nova25:
Thanks to everyone who pointed this out. I put a request to have it (and the description) changed, but it will have to wait until after BroNYCon, when Sethisto gets back. If you're looking for my other works, until then here's the link: http://www.equestriadaily.com/search/label/Author%3A%20Present%20Perfect
@RainbowLeader510:
Thanks for the feedback! And yes, the EoA sequel is my current project (though not my only one :B). I hope to release the first two sequels together.
@Present Perfect
ReplyDeleteYou didn't loose respect. You would have had to use this tool to actually abuse or slander the character to do so.
Also, in WhitFox's defense, I kind of agree with them on the technicality of the issue. Although not to the degree they are reacting in this particular instance.
You see, I have had very bad experiences with coming across content I find highly objectionable where I did not expect it.
Also as I stated earlier there are four different standard interpretations of shipping I see used:
Some take it as only canon characters apply, not OCs.
Some take it as only applying to stories in which the relationship is developing.
Some take it only to apply to stories in which the relationship is what the story is about.
Some take it to apply to any non-platonic, non-canonized relationship being depicted to any degree.
What I should mention is that the VAST MAJORITY take the latter as the true definition, as such I would say that YES this story should sport at least a "Light Shipping" tag, or alternately a more specific and revealing description.
Personally if I had read the story without reading the comments first and just the description to go by I would have been surprised by the subject matter. I would not find it objectionable, personally, but I might have not been in the mood for it, expecting something else. In which case, instead of filing the story in bookmarks for the right time, I may have put it down and never picked it back up.
@DPV111:
ReplyDeleteWell, I took Whit's words to heart enough to change the description. That and the author tag have finally gone through.
The thing about shipping? It seems everyone hates it now. Although given that this story is a second ratings failure for me, I may as well just go ahead and have them change it to shipping. Bring on the star bombs, you fuckers, I don't give a shit!
@Present Perfect
ReplyDeleteEh, I think "Light Shipping" would be appropriate.
Oh and don't worry about the ratings, everyone knows they are being trolled.
The internet is SO GREAT.
I think they should switch the ratings to a poll rather than an average.
@DPV111:
ReplyDeleteDo they know? Are they okay with it? Because I'm sure not, and I'm going to rage against the dying of that light, because it's about all I can do. It wouldn't be as bad if it was somewhere like fimfic, but ratings actually matter for something here, not just for the rating tags, but also because they tie into criteria for selecting pre-readers.
What does it say about a readership when shipping fics are no longer allowed to reach star-5, let alone star-6 rank?
@DPV111
ReplyDeleteIt would be GREAT if we could do amazon or new-egg like ratings where you can see who rated what as well as the breakdown.
This star-bombing of shipfics is really only going to inure people to low ratings and screw the system up for everypony. While we'd like to think we only post great fics, there are still differences. Once the rating system becomes completely broken (like it currently is) it stops having meaning.
Well I'm all for positive change. When they banned anonymous commenting, the quality of the posting only went up.
ReplyDeleteHonestly I would not be surprised if the trolls are only a few (perhaps even 1) person with multiple accounts created for this express purpose.
@DPV111:
ReplyDelete100% with you on that. I am about 90% positive that it's just one person with a serious hate-on for shipping and lots of time to be a total dickwad for no reason.
@WhitFox
ReplyDeleteYou seem to not understand the word. Shipping, which has the ending "ing", and thus means the actual "doing of the ship" as it were is part of the story. There /wasn't/ any shipping in the story, even if a significant part of the story was a couple.
Honestly your objections sound more like homophobia than anything else, because I simply cannot imagine if the story revolved around a pair in a heterosexual relationship to the same degree anyone could conceivably complain there was no warning about it.
Seriously. If it bothered you that much you could have easily stopped at "I have two dads" because it was pretty damn obvious at that point where it was going.
I'm very happy it DIDN'T use the shipping tag, because it shows that at least SOME people understand the difference between "a story focusing on the relationship" and "a story focusing on characters already in one". There wasn't any romance in this story. It wasn't ABOUT that.
@Melodia
ReplyDeleteI respect your opinion and agree for the most part but if you had read the prior posts you would see that it has already been discussed that
1: your definition of shipping is not the most widely accepted definition
2: WhitFox DID stop reading the story after coming across the part they didn't like
3: there ARE obviously people who dislike the idea of ANY romantic interaction at all of any type if the ratings attacks are anything to go by
homophobes are gay... lol
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete@Present Perfect
ReplyDeleteI loved your story and the many wonderful messages it sends. It's people like you that pave the way to a brighter future! :)
@Radator:
ReplyDeleteThank you. :) That means a lot to me right now.
(You might want to remove your other comment, it's a tad incendiary. Just sayin'. :B)
@DPV111
ReplyDeleteI was under the impression that the act of making a shipping fic was creating a non-canon relationship. Otherwise, most often, the genre is called Romance, because that's what it is about.
A status of having two people married in the fic... isn't really shipping. It would then mean that all stories that have friends in the story deserve a friendshipping tag, and any story with a sad event in the history of the main characters is a sad fic.
@NinesTempest
ReplyDeleteI personally agree. Having a "pre-existant" relationship of an OC married couple of any gender or orientation isn't shipping in my book. However I was not stating my opinion, I was stating the most widely used definition of shipping which is any non-canon non-platonic relationship, or any canon non-platonic relationship explored in greater depth than in canon.
Unfortunately EqD does not have a "Romance" tag so shipping is used for that as well.
At least there is a "Light Shipping" tag for non-canon non-platonic relationships that are not colored by romance in the story.
loved this story :D it was amazing!
ReplyDelete