[Normal]
Author: Some1Else
Description: While Celestia is away overseeing the development of a new settlement, Luna receives a letter requesting Celesta's presence at the Ponyville hospital. Though she lacks an official decree that all her powers as a princess have been restored, Luna decides to take matters into her own hooves and investigate the issue without sending word to her sister. She quickly becomes involved in a battle against an ancient evil creature, a member of Celestia's personal council, and a certain misguided pony all while trying to adhere to the eight virtues.The Virtuous Sister (New Part 7!)
Additional Tags: Fantasy, Valor, Friendship, Loyalty, Teamwork.
47 kommentaari:
......and yet the only tag is "normal".......
VastaKustutaoooh, looks goood
VastaKustutaInteresting…
VastaKustutawell, thats all i have to say
VastaKustutaThats wired
VastaKustuta^Lol at the comments so far
VastaKustutaJust finished reading through this. Maybe I shouldn't have. It's such a good beginning that I don't know if I'll be able to wait for the next installments. Alas, I must.
VastaKustutaLUUUNAAAAAAA!!!!!
VastaKustutaSigh why does this have a "complete" tag?
VastaKustutalooks like it has potential.
VastaKustutaI'll read it if it gets a few more chapters.
oh derp. it's a one-shot story
VastaKustutanvmd. reading now
Its 3:49 in the morning and i havent went to sleep yet... Looks like im pretty screwed for School tomorrow... Oh well as long theres ponies im happy.
VastaKustutaAlso LUNAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
A quick look at the authors FF profile tells us the following.
VastaKustuta"Yup. Ponies. The Virtuous Sister is already complete. I don't post unless it's finished. Updates will occur weekly."
So, there is more to look forward to, it seems. The Complete tag Must of been a misunderstanding.
Wow.. This...IS A GREAT IDEA!
VastaKustutaThat has to be the oddest ending to a one-shot I have ever read.
VastaKustutaThis is the author. Updates will indeed occur weekly. I have added this fact to the end of the second chapter along with a note thanking EQD for thinking enough of this to feature it here. I apologize for the confusion and thank all of you for your feedback (good or bad) and your interest (curious or appalled).
VastaKustutaEight virtues? This is a stealth Ultima crossover.
VastaKustuta@JohnH
VastaKustutaGlad I'm not the only one thinking that lol. I've been playing Lord of Ultima for some time now and when I saw eight virtues, that popped into my head first :P
Anyways, off to reading.
@Aesahaettr-
VastaKustutaHmmm, writing is solid although it does seem a bit choppy, the transition from idea to idea is a bit... forced? Can't think of a word atm lol.
However the story is quite interesting (what is this mysterious sickness? hmmm...), the virtues idea is totally from Ultima (awesome!), and I lol'd at Biggs and Wedge.
4 stars and I'd love to see more of this soon :)
I can't find the second chapter.
VastaKustutaHowever, it is interesting. Thank you for writing it!
It's a nice story, but I'm annoyed at the misunderstanding of 'complete'. You have a complete tag if all of the story is up. Now it's just a beginning, so the tag should be 'incomplete'. I don't usually read incomplete stories, because I'll just lose track of what's happening at the pace of a chapter a week.
VastaKustutaGO LUNA!!!
VastaKustutaHmm... some sort of demon stealing pony minds and/or souls? I would say it couldn't be Discord, but then, he did turn Big Macintosh into a burrowing dog. Still, this doesn't seem like his style at all. More likely something that feeds on minds to stay alive/give itself more power. Such a creature was in one episode of Babylon 5, first season I believe, but it could simply be killed with a PPG shot. Whatever this is, it's likely going to require more mythic powers.
VastaKustutaI don't know if I dig the strong dystopian vibes, but I can certainly believe them.
VastaKustutaAwaiting extensions :)
Hmm...defintely has some potential and gives us some really interesting ideas. :)
VastaKustutaIf I did have to complain about something, it's mostly that some of the transitions in Lunas thinking/memories are a little sporatic, like when I was reading the second chapter, the whole part with the description of the Everfree Forest was worded very strangely. I think that just peeking over everything before posting just for last minute editing would be a good idea.
Otherwise, I love the direction that it's going in and I can't wait to see more! :) <3
Love Luna. Love this. Good Job. Please, more.
VastaKustuta@Alondro
VastaKustutaAh! Nailed the soul-stealing demon thing!
Oh dear me, cutie marks tied to pony souls... that's not a good thing for Discord to know for it gives certain implications, allows him to do some very nasty things to ponies while still not killing them.
And I am SO glad that someone has finally realized that Discord can't be a real monster of true chaos! He may PLAY with chaos, but he's far from its embodiment. An utterly chaotic entity would be a very difficult thing to write about. It would have no goals, no focus, no direction. It would wander haphazardly through time and space, randomly acting upon uncertain and ill-defined whims as changeable as the clouds in a roiling storm. You couldn't really base a story with any sort of logical structure to it with such a thing as its central character. To even attempt to place a boundary on it would erase its chaotic nature. It can't have relationships with any other characters, because it cannot feel. Indeed, it can't even 'live' by any sort of mechanism we could define. Life must have order to exist, thus life is one of the antitheses of true chaos, constantly striving against randomness, forcing it into its own internal order, while harnessing entropy's energy gradient to perform functions. But even so, chaos doesn't care, because even hate requires an ordered mind. ;3
Darn that false Complete tag! Darn it to Pony Heck!
VastaKustutaI hate Athena, can we make her suffer?
VastaKustutaJust read Chapter 4. All I have to say about that is GAAAAAAHH!!! LUUUUNAAAAA, NOOOOOOOO!!!!!
VastaKustutaRead through all the current chapters only to have it end in a cliffhanger.
VastaKustutaI shall semi-patiently await for more of the story to unfold.
i loved the star wars refrences in the very begining of chapter one. Biggs and Wedge? lol loved it!
VastaKustutaAutor on selle kommentaari eemaldanud.
VastaKustutaI hate you...
VastaKustutaI can't wait for the next chapter, but be warned... My wrath could be unleashed upon you !!!
@Jason Shadow
VastaKustuta*reads all the philosophical stuff* Blah blah, hypocrisy and stuff... Feh! If you have an enemy, strike it down! For it will give you no time to reason over your actions! *blasts the Malum into atoms with SHEER AWESOME!!* Now THAT'S da shizzle! >:3
Autor on selle kommentaari eemaldanud.
VastaKustutaAlright. You may live further for it was a delightful chapter. I really appreciate your writing, although I, personally, think it could be benefit to do the scenes last a little longer, perhaps.
VastaKustutaI may have little concerns about past history, but that's kind of subjective and open for any interpretations.
Plus, it seems they're all going on adventure together. I love adventures ! :D
And it's the first time I read about Trixie being Luna's apprentice, could be fun !
tl;dr I like your story :D
I don't know if I should be terrified about the Leeroy reference. It did end badly with him...
VastaKustuta@Alondro
VastaKustutaPhilosophical? I think you may have confused me for somebody else, sir. All I was doing was expressing my anguish over what had (at the time) looked like the Malum actually succeeding at draining Luna of her soul. (Obviously, I misinterpreted that part.) Personally, I'm all for blasting the Malum. Fire away!
I keep thinking about the "Virtuous Mission" in the 3rd Metal Gear Solid...
VastaKustutaWe need Luna Snake.
I dont get the washbasin reference, with wedge? anyone explain why that was funny to trixie and luna?
VastaKustutaI loved the Leroy Jenkins joke (featuring Derpy): "Princess LUUUUUNNNNAAA!"
VastaKustutaIsn't this technically a 5-star story now since the system rounds up? Also, @SightlessOne That was a favorite part of mine as well.
VastaKustutaGreat story, I read it from the beginning (lol, I got 3rd comment) and loved every second. Is it actually complete, or is this just an update? When you finished, you added a sense of closure, but it was in the story update compilation this morning.
VastaKustutaOh please, please, please, please tell me you're doing a sequel. There's so much potential, so much things you can develop, such as :
VastaKustutaTrixie learning under Luna's care, more of Biggs and Wedge, possibly a cooperation of the mane6 and Twilight, the quick reference in Luna and Celestia conversation about Equestria safety, etc.
Anyway, I love what you did of Derpy, and pretty much all that you did with Trixie and the two guards, too.
The story was very nice done. You mentioned it was done before Luna eclipsed, but I find it still fits after it, somehow.
I really, really liked it and hope for a sequel (or two ?).
This is the author. Thanks for the feedback everyone! Even the constructive criticism was nice, although I really do wish I would have been able to have written a virtually perfect story like some of the more talented authors in this fandom have done. It makes me want to try that much harder when I start my next project.
VastaKustuta@Some1Else It's always good to try harder, but dont bite off more than you can chew.
VastaKustutaI really liked what you did with Luna, even though she appears a bit weak (well, you got that covered with her power not being fully restored). The other characters are well done as well, Trixie being the usual brat, but still somehow regretful. Derpy/Ditzy.... well, I guess one can do whatever one likes with this character. But I liked her, made me laugh a few times. The both OC-guards were as I expected royal guards to be, unexperienced, but determined and surprisingly personal.
The plot was well done, even though I expected a huge plot-twist until the words "The End" showed up. But well, gives fuel for a sequel or two. I would read them for sure! But well, I don't want to force you to do something you don't want to do. So feel free to do as you please ^^
I have just one thing that disturbed me a bit, though. Try to build longer sentences with more subordinate clauses. It can interrupt the narrative flow if you write many independent clauses without linking them with commas. Maybe I'm the only one complaining about that, but as a German (we often build HUGE sentences) it caught my eye.
Well, this is the only thing a feel a need to complain about. Nothing more.
One more story in my Hall of good FanFic, keep on your work, I'd love to read more from you in the future.