[Comedy]
Author: Usea
Description: Disaster has struck three little ponies. Sweetie Belle has a terrible case of hiccups and it's up to her friends to find somepony to help before their fellow Crusader finds herself with a cutiemark for hiccuping... then they'd never stop!The Hiccups
Additional Tags: An attempt at episode-like
33 kommentaari:
An attenot at episode-like, lol. Been a while since i've seen one o' those.
VastaKustutaA cutie mark for hiccuping? What would thay even look like?
^Poor attempt at making a comment sound episode-like
*attempt
VastaKustutaInteresting enough, I came here for the pic.
VastaKustuta"Sweetie Belle had been turned various colours, became a reptile (but soon recovered)..."
VastaKustutaIseewhatyoudidthere.jpg
I gotta get a look at this one. I need a good laugh and I'm hoping this will deliver.
VastaKustutaHeh. I just finished reading this one a couple hours ago. Reccomended.
VastaKustutaOi. Was expecting a "The Cough" parody.
VastaKustutaNooooooooo! Sweetie has the hiccups!?!?!?!
VastaKustutaWHY ISN'T THIS LABELED GRIMDARK!?!?!?!
Once again, this author has an amazing ability to use light-hearted comedy. Bravo!
VastaKustutaWow, one of the best fics I've ever read.
VastaKustutaAnd I've read like five.
Well, this is the kind of humor I'm used to. This and Jappleack. Nothing in between.
Ooh. Congrats on 6-stars.
VastaKustutaShort and sweet. I like reading these little, simple adventures. It feels more like the show then the epic adventures and convoluted storylines most of us write (me included).
VastaKustutaOh look at that. I'd say you hit the "episode-like" quality just fine.
Ooh. Congrats on 6-stars.
VastaKustuta@AlanJCastonguay No... no, never...
VastaKustuta@Jelfes Agreed.
VastaKustuta@axlemn
VastaKustutaNeeds 50 comments for that...
@AlanJCastonguay
I'd suggest it to Rainbow Dash Presents... But it's hard to parody flash-fiction.
Oh and keep that story the hell away from the CMC.
@DPV111 I can do that.
VastaKustutaAm I the only one doubting the legitimacy of all of those ratings? You know what.. no. Someone is tampering with the ratings again... Yeah, sure, every 5 seconds or so another 5 star rating is given, seems legit(I was checking for a period of two minutes, starting at 58 votes). I'm sure it's a great story and all, but there's foal play going on here.
VastaKustutaThis story was a great little treat 4.5/5 (5 on EqD).
VastaKustutaI don't usually rate short stories so highly, but this was honestly funny.
The story seems to be written a little strangely... There's almost no descriptors. Like you tell us what the characters do, but without any... character... Comes off as a bit dry and detached.
@Jelfes
VastaKustutaIt's a short story. I read it in 15 minutes flat.
It was a nice story. I like how it took a typical season 1 episode format. There were several laughs to be had: my favorite parts were Applejack's reaction to Big Macintosh's dismissal of apples and the very end.
VastaKustutaMy attempt at constructive criticism: First, some of the characterizations of characters (namely, Apple Bloom and Pinkie Pie) seemed, at least to me, to try to be in character by copying what the characters did in the series. I think you should have utilized their personalities to generate more original material. That said, I think Twilight Sparkle was slightly out of character. I think it would have been funnier and more in character if she got frustrated with her lack of success. Next, I think the ending with Rarity utilized too much of a deus ex machina. To me, the ending, with the exception of the funny part at the end, was somewhat shallow. Probably the greatest criticism I have was that the story played it too safe. That is to say, you utilized too much feel-good comedy. Light comedy is creatively constructed dark comedy, because all comedy is truly dark at the core (for an example: see Community). You tried not to alienate your audience, which in turn limited the impact of some of the jokes.
Overall, though, it was a cute story that was well-written with generally good characterization.
@Jelfes
VastaKustutaIt's not really tampering so much as people tend to either give no rating, a one star, or a five star instead of anything in between.
Deus ex-machina? the deal was to keep them focused on something else than the hiccups, in fact, they were so intrigued they didn't realize when Sweetie Belle talked.
VastaKustutaHowever, that wasn't explained at all. If this was in the show (or any kid's show) somepony would have explained the trick thoroughly.
@Marty
VastaKustutaAh, I actually sorta assumed that at first, but when it wasn't explained I assumed that it was actually a magic potion.
P.S. A good way to end you hiccups is to stand up straight and take shallow breaths.
dat picture ^^
VastaKustutaSounds such cute story it is. My kids would be happy after read it.
VastaKustutabreakaway lanyard
PFfffffffffffffffffffffffffff ahahahah. We're popular enough to get spammers?! AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!
VastaKustutaSimple, cute and silly, this made me smile, grin and finally laugh. Well done!
VastaKustuta*hiccup*
Sweetie Belle: "Rarity! Twilight turned me into a newt!"
VastaKustutaRarity: "A newt?" *takes off sewing glasses, stares questioningly*
Sweetie Belle: "...Well, I got better."
Jokes aside, sweet piece! Definitely a nice try on episodic style (apart from the lack of aesop :p ), keep up the good work uSea! ^^
Funny and cute. The perfect CMC story. ^^
VastaKustutait's really got the episode-like feel.
VastaKustutaThis. Is. Freakin'. Glorious.
VastaKustutaThe mood is lovely, Dash and- and everything, I just don't freakin' know. I loved it. Twilight's part was the only thing that was a little weak, but that might just have been because in this bag of skittles, something had to be less tasty than the rest.
I don't know. Have a bucket of stars and keep writing, please. I want more of these kinds of stories in my life.
This fic is the kind of story that will give you cavities.
VastaKustutaThe story tries to follow an episode like format, and I think it succeeds in a lot of aspects, light-hearted comedy is abundant (gotta love the little running joke with Dash), some references here and there and the solution to the problem at hoof was quite clever.
My only complains might come from some of the characterisation, Twilight didn't seem too eager to help the CMC here (maybe she had a bad day?) and Applejack seems to have some sort of unhealthy obsession with apples. (without reaching APPLE.MOV levels).
There is also the fact that the little fillies haven't learned anything from this (I guess this counts since Usea wanted to make something "episode like"). it also bothers me how the "magic solution" to the hiccups is never directly explained, which while not necessary, I feel it takes away from the episode-like feel (again, to learn something from this experience).
But all in all it was a really fun and cute story.
*4 Stars*