[Sad]
"Equal parts heart-wrenching and beautiful. The author has managed to portray Dash in a way I never thought possible." -Pre-reader #R107
Author: Winston
Description: Several years after the events of the TV series,First
Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash have a discussion about painful
events in the past, what the future holds, and self-realization and
the nature of destiny.
Additional Tags: Friendship, Pain, Fear, Destiny, Introspection
38 kommentaari:
First??!
VastaKustutaAutor on selle kommentaari eemaldanud.
VastaKustutaDamn...
VastaKustutaHaha sorry I just had to say that on this post.
VastaKustutaUh-oh, a grammatical error in the first sentence? This does not bode well...
VastaKustutaMaybe...
VastaKustutaUrgh. More sad. Almost as bad as dark or grimdark. I don't like these kinds of stories.
VastaKustutaI need EqD-approved happy stories!
sort of sad that firsting can be relevant here.
VastaKustutaok this was nice but I need to read some happy now. well written story
VastaKustutaI liked it, was very deep and thought-provoking. 5 stars
VastaKustutaPeople trying to get 'first' on a story called 'first'...
VastaKustutaFirstception!
Ahem.
Looks interesting, but I'm leerly of anything with a 'sad' tag right now. I might read it later but I'm in the mood for a nice, happy story!
Ehhh. Sorry but I can't say that it really grabbed me. Well written though, kudos to the author for knowing his trade.
VastaKustutaWhat a fantastic story! I appreciate the ability (and restraint!) required in a fan fic writer necessary to craft good friendshipping. You did a great job here with Rainbow and Twi.
VastaKustutaThe story itself, with the throwback to the war, was amazing. I could see RD being restrained while her wingmare was being tortured. It's harsh stuff, but you really brought it to life. Between that, and her little bit of PTSD afterwards, you could have lied to me and told me this story was sent to you by a friend who recently came back from Afghanistan or Iraq, and I would have believed you.
(It also makes me wonder what some prazosin and a stiff dose of SSRIs would do for horses...)
Thanks for writing this, and for sharing it. It's folks like you who make this fandom great.
@Xeddrief Don't worry too much about that sad tag. It certainly has some very sad elements, but overall, I would say it's a happy ending.
By Celestia, that was beautiful.
VastaKustutaI liked this story. You made Dash deeper than I thought Dash could ever be. Kudos.
VastaKustuta4.2/5
@Macon Mixx: You somehow managed to rip my thoughts out of my memory. A lot of what I was going to write was pretty much along the lines of what you said. Not mad or anything, BTW. But now I have to revise my take on this story.
VastaKustutaTotally blown away. Where the author drew the inspiration to write something, I don't think I'll ever know. And I definitely don't wish any of what happened in the story upon anyone. But it definitely worked its magic in this story. It's not a sad story in the sense that you won't drowning in your own tears after. But you can't help but feel like you were there, feeling the pain that Rainbow was feeling and wondering how you could help her cope. If anything, this is one fanfic that could show the "outside" world that we're more about just doting over six colorful ponies. We're people that definitely give a lot of thought about life and try to make sense of it. This was such a beautiful story that everyone visiting this website should take a look at.
Fucking awesome story.
VastaKustutaThe friendshipping..It was beautiful.
VastaKustutaInteresting idea, but I found the execution lacking. The entirety of the story seemed to be huge exposition dump: Rainbow Dash's feelings about her station in life are blatantly thrust into the dialogue. It reads unnaturally and I almost feel like too much was said. There seems to be no subtlety in this story and that's a shame, because as a reader I felt that everything was being spelt out for me; everything was too explained, too obvious.
VastaKustutaI like the idea of the Equestrian War and that Rainbow Dash will be the first to die; almost all 'future' stories have Rainbow Dash as the first to go and it's nice to see something where she is aware of that fact. However, the whole conversation felt too unnatural. Stories that are sad or particularly effective are often so because of what is left unsaid. I couldn't connect with this story because Rainbow Dash outlined her whole motivation and emotions just like that; I understand that she wanted to explain things to Twilight but it all felt a little forced.
The author touched upon some good themes but I feel it could have been presented in a better way.
TL:DR "You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me angry!"
@woofwoof
VastaKustutaLOL nice Robot Devil reference.
Anyways, I found the story very touching. Although, some details would have been best left unsaid for imagination purposes. I did shed manly tears because I do know a lot of the feelings that Rainbow Dash had, and could really relate to them...
On a side note, I've never heard anyone else (real or fictional)put into words the same way I feel about relationships... well, mostly. I definitely don't have a thing for other guys... it's just that I've never been one to seek out a relationship and settle down and start a family; like I'm okay with just myself. It's not that I wouldn't settle down and get married and such, but I'm not going to go find a girl to call my own just for the sake of doing so...
But I digress...
The story was really touching. Although it is labeled as sad, I feel better having read it.
As said above, there is a good story here. A really good story. But there is so much infodump after the second half that it started getting outright difficult to read.
VastaKustutaI'll be reading this, I think. Looks pretty good.
VastaKustutaDamn, that was great. I never expected Dash to be that deep yet still stay true to character. And also friendshipping. Friendshipping is the only shipping I like, and the end of this story was great because of that. Nicely done.
VastaKustuta@Macon Mixx
VastaKustutaWait, are you saying the story is about Dash relating to Twi her horrible torture experience as a freaking POW?
What? Really? Okay, I appreciate quality writing, but colorful magic ponies and wretched real world tragedy that many humans must suffer... it doesn't mix well, IMO. As in, the emotional impact is lessened because it is contextually a RIDICULOUS concept of war scarred magic ponies that are normally goofy and silly and are CARTOONS.
I'll give this a try, but really... war pony stories always just seem to have a far higher potential to be to ridiculous to take seriously.
Now to actually read the story, so lets hope its awesome!
That's was amazing. 5 stars all the way
VastaKustutaRabindranath Tagore quote as epigraph. Why don't I see a tag for that? That quote is the best summary for this story.
VastaKustutaI'd say I cried about three times while reading that story. At some point, the tears stopped being manly and were just plain tears.
VastaKustutaGoddamnit, ponies should not make me cry! That's just unfair.
I'm giving this a 9.5/10. This story is amazing.
Oh also, if you're reading this before reading the story, you'll understand why it's called First. It isn't obvious until after you've read it.
VastaKustutaMan this was some pretty deep stuff. Pre reader was right, that portrayal of Dash was outstanding. At first I was finding it out of character, but as the dialogue continued and her experiences fleshed out, it felt more and more right. I'd be a liar if I said i didn't tear up a few times. Not quite as much as My Little Dashy, but deffnitly more then I have in a while. Such introspection and philosophical depth I did not expect from a fan fic. Bravo.
VastaKustutaReview time! Finals are done, so I can start reading fics again!
VastaKustutaFirst fic read after finals was called first...funny. Okay, first item of business, the setting. It was an interesting take on the typical "in the not-so-distant future" setting. It did a good job of filling readers in so that we were not in the dark even though a lot of things had happened between the show and the story. The world itself seems a little off from typical FiM stuff, but I suppose that's to be expected in a sad story.
The characters were alright. I had a bit of an issue with Rainbow Dash's character in this. Sure, I understand the explanation that war changes people, but her calm, thoughtful delivery of the dialogue is just such a departure from RD's established character that it just made for a bit of dissonance. It's a well crafted story with many deeper elements examining some rather heavy issues (future sight, death, hopelessness, etc), but the one doing the delivery just doesn't seem like the one who should be doing it. In all honesty, I would have seen AJ being the protagonist of this story being that she is one portrayed as the most responsible of the mane cast. I don't know, it just slightly impeded my ability to "believe" in this story.
Some people have criticized the fact that it mostly consists of an exposition dumping on the audience. They say it's unrealistic, but I disagree on that one. Anyone who has had a long heart to heart conversation with someone can tell that there is a HUGE amount being said, and jumps from topic to topic happen with some frequency. I thought it was very believable in this aspect.
Exploration of topics: very good. Even if I may not necessarily agree with some of the philosophical views espoused here, I have to admit that they give one something to think about. I was particularly fond of the quote Twilight gives for death. Nice touch. Anyway, this story succeeded in making me think a bit about some interesting/heavy issues, so high marks there.
I also saw a complaint above about the author making a story that was "too explained". I'm finding myself thinking that this is a ludicrous criticism. "I really wish the author was more vague" is how I'm seeing that right now. Yes, there is something to be said for leaving a few things up for imagination, but that is not how you want to do it when you're developing the character of a character. It's not even as if it's preachy either. It basically says "this character thinks this." I have no problem with that, and I don't really see why anyone else would.
Little inconsequential complaint that no one should pay attention to, but I have to just whine about for two seconds: it's accepted as the wise thing in this story to send someone who embodies the Elements of Harmony to war. Slight facepalm.
Oh, one last little thing. Some may disagree with this position, but I am personally a fan of the little shout outs stories occasionally give to fanon items. Liked the acknowledgement of the RD-shipped-with-everything reference in the story. These shout outs are fine as long as they are brief, and I found myself chuckling at the degree of awkwardness that it brought into the atmosphere.
Final evaluation: solid story, receives 4 out of 5 stars. It seems though, that it could easily fit almost any setting, not just the FiM universe. In fact, if one were to remove the FiM setting, it would still almost make complete sense. Not sure if that's a strength of the story or a flaw. Oh, final word: if one is acknowledging fanon items, it should Derpy, not Ditzy.
To Winston: good job, it was great unwinding after finals with this story. Thanks for the time and effort you put into writing it.
"Several years after the events of the TV series"
VastaKustutaInstant NO.
Just screams "I have an excuse to make canon characters OOC because I can invent future history for them."
@DPV111
VastaKustutaSeconded.
In fact, the entire context of this story was pretty shaky and down right lame. After having read just half of it, I had pretty much cemented my judgment. (muscled on tho.)
Characterizations were iffy, as in very little character differentiation or definitive characterizing actions that set them apart, and the entire plot of the story and any contextual information is given in MASSIVE exposition dumps. Seriously, just about every time a character talks its a big ol' text block of extended vapid dialogue with banal emotional overtones.
Plus, and this may just be a personal matter of my own taste, so consider my bias when I say the premise was just so ill conceived, or at least rather poorly delivered. This entire story didn't need to have ANY mlp characters in it. It could have, with some minor editing, been told just as well with OC characters. The characters in this case were just framing devices rather than elements in the plot.
I do not recommend. It isn't as though it is poorly written , it just isn't written that well either. No personal gratification received by me, and again, the context of the story is just so out of the blue and with nothing related to the show, and no sufficient background establishment beyond "these are MLP FiM ponies".
2 stars
I Don't know about you guys, but I fricken' loved it. If anything, I can get over the whole wall o' text thing because of the context. Honestly, if you were explaining your position on life, the universe, and everything to one of your very best friends, what would you do? I also enjoyed the actual lesson from the story; T'was a good one, and one that needs to be learned by more people.
VastaKustuta@Haze
VastaKustuta*sigh* Yes. That is the name of the story...
Winston here (the author of this story).
VastaKustutaI wanted to stop in and say thank you, to everyone who voiced their comments, and to the whole Brony community here at EqD, for your reception and your kindness.
This is the first piece of MLP fanfiction I've written and the response has been incredible. To be honest, I was scared that this wouldn't be so well accepted. Some aspects of this work are personal in nature. They were things that I felt I had to say somewhere, and I didn't know if many other people would relate to or appreciate them very much. What I've found is that I shouldn't have felt alone. I connected with a lot more people and found more acceptance and understanding than I'd ever hoped this story would meet.
To those who've said that this story touched their lives or their hearts in some way, it's an honor to know that. The greatest reward in any effort is knowing that it's done something for someone else.
For everyone who had their criticisms of this story, I accept them. They've been fair and well-stated. In fact, a lot of them were things I thought about myself before I made a decision to release this story. I know that reflections of the darker aspects of the real world's nature are not what some people are looking for in their pony fiction, and there would be dislike in some minds for the premise and for the concepts it revolves around and maybe some resentment for choosing to work with those in a Pony story platform. I also went in knowing that some people would have problems with Rainbow Dash's characterization (particularly in having to expand it beyond the fairly limited boundaries of the strictly canonical) and the way that I've handled her interaction and dialogue with Twilight. All I can really say is that those were the ways I felt like I had to write it. This story wasn't by any means written to try to please everyone, but to explore certain things and try to present a vision of them in the Pony contextual universe, so I completely understand your dislikes and why it's just not to some peoples taste. If you did have an issue with this story, thank you for your responses and your explanations. They've all been reasonable and I appreciate hearing about what you think could / should have been done better or differently.
I'm not completely sure what I'll end up writing next. I can tell you, though, that this community is encouraging and one that I feel good about doing fan work for. Thanks.
Great story. Can't wait to see what y'do next!
VastaKustuta@Winston
VastaKustutaNow that's a winning attitude.
@Winston
VastaKustutaThis story is one of a kind. My response to this was just as powerful as it was to My Little Dashie. However, instead of choking back tears, it made me think long and hard about Rainbow Dash's experiences and how she chose to rise above them and learn something instead of letting them tear her apart (even if she needed a helping hoof once in a while, but then again, who doesn't?). I even wound up turning to my own life to examine what I had to show for my trials. I have never done this before. Thank you for opening my eyes to myself and to a new view on this wonderful community!