Author: Thundraprocella
Description: Fluttershy, always being the timid, quiet pony she is, never gets out much. During one fit of boredom, she reluctantly goes clubbing with her gang of friends, and enters the delusional world of rockin' bass and drunken party ponies. When she becomes scared out of her wits, the pony to come to her rescue, is a unicorn who is absolutely taken with fluttershies beauty and personality.Vinyl Scratch Is In Wub Wub Wub! (New Part 5!)
Additional Tags: Flutterscratch, Love, Depression, Jealousy, Anger
39 kommentaari:
FlutterScratch? Sounds Interesting. XD
VastaKustutaOh god it's all Sethisto comments.
VastaKustutaFlutterstep? Count me in
VastaKustutaFluttershy has clones now, apparently.
VastaKustutaIs it as dumb as it sounds to be?
VastaKustutaSounds interesting...
VastaKustutatest check
VastaKustutaThe link isn't working for me...
VastaKustutaIt isn't about dubstep, that's just a pun! Also, I put the tag Sad in there because of what I was planning for future chapters. I'm also going to go back and fix the Fluttershies! I appreciate the catch. I'm not the best at catching grammatical mistakes.
VastaKustutaLink is busted and I seriously want to read this one D:
VastaKustutaFimfiction is having a bit of a tech problem right now. Just wait 10 or so minutes, and it should be back up. Knighty just switched fimfiction to a new dedicated server.
VastaKustutaAh! multiple chapters! Excellent! Now if only the link would work, I'm actually interested in this one...
VastaKustutaWhat madness is this....
VastaKustutaWeird. I get an error when I click the link
VastaKustutaIn due time. But yes, I'm halfway there are two chapters up right now, and I'm currently working on the third.
VastaKustutaLOVING this story so far.
VastaKustutaIt's not even just a normal shipping story, I love the little bit of sad being thrown in with Rainbowdash....
I can't wait to read more. I haven't actually read much fanfics, so I'm trying to get into it.
might read this story!
VastaKustutaHeresy of the highest degree!
VastaKustutaI think fimfiction is down.
VastaKustutano need to fear the internet!
VastaKustuta"Invalid query: Got error 28 from storage engine"
VastaKustutaWhat an amazing story.
/sarcasm
For some reason I think i'll really enjoy some FlutterScratch once the server's ready. It seems about as unique as Trixieshy, and Kindness' Reward was awesome.
VastaKustutaI was wondering when the Sad bit would take place. :( Really liking this so far, and I can only assume there's more. Keep up the good work!
VastaKustutaDanny internet! Unclog!!
VastaKustutaFimfiction is on a new dedicated server, so there has been some errors. Not to mention Knighty might not be awake to fix it.
VastaKustutaI'm starting more and more to hate Fluttershy because of the amount of shipfics she's in.
VastaKustutaHope it gets fixed soon. Really want to read this.
VastaKustutaYay site's up!!!
VastaKustutaJust finished. It's too bad the stories getting low ratings just cause Fimfiction was down for a bit. IMO, it deserves the 4.8 on it's own site more than the 3.8 here. There's some errors sure, but it feels like the start of a pretty good story
VastaKustutaFlutterscratch.
VastaKustutaMy prayers have been answered.
WHY DID NO-ONE TELL ME OF THIS.
NEVER NOT READ.
THUNDRAPROCELLA. I LOVE YOU.
whatwhatwhat? how long has this been around? whatever, must read
VastaKustuta*Slight Spoilers, Beware!*
VastaKustutaAnother good chapter, I see potential for a strong story. There's just a couple of concerns.
With this story's tone being more serious, don't use cultural references. They really stick out and draw me out of the story. Especially the Honeymooners; it reads like you wanted to make that joke before anyone else thought of it and just slapped it in your story. I stopped reading, wondering why this one sentence is in here at all.
Secondly, I'm not a huge fan of drunk ponies because they're hard to make believable. Most fics write them inconsistently. Here's what I saw from yours.
We start with RD having enough liquor to slur her speech and make it evident to others that she's drunk. She get's into a fight, restrained, and then escapes and flees. From your characterization of RD written, I'm assuming (because it isn't said) she's feeling angry, guilty, and scared. You got me really hooked in.
But then she finds Vinyl, and from there on it reads like RD is completely sober. She can read Vinyl's "listless, unfocused eyes", she shows absolutely zero anger towards herself or Vinyl, and hey, no slur. Not only can RD tell her life story coherently, but she can understand Vinyl's speech too.
Might not bother many people, but it really pulled me out of the story. I wish I could go from beating up a stranger in a drunken rage to sharing my deepest secret with her in, at least, 15 min. Hell, I wish I could do that sober.
You have a great story, and I'm excited to see where it goes, just don't make me wonder why or how on the writing itself.
tl;dr: great story, nix the cult references, drunk characters are difficult
I agree with Pontius completely. The story just seems to move a bit too fast. It would be much better off if you spread it out a bit. Such as Rainbow going home, sleeping off the alcohol, and then going to find Vinyl to speak to her. Thus giving her time to cool off, gather her thoughts. It's more realistic that way.
VastaKustutaOther than it seeming to move too quickly, it's been a good read. I look forward to more chapters.
Pacing: this story lacks it.
VastaKustutaI'm sorry, but while it's an interesting premise, the writing is severely lacking. Don't get me wrong; I've seen worse, but it moves so quickly and jumps between events with little or nothing linking them together. As Pontius already pointed out, RD's drunkenness is inconsistent, but I'm surprised that anyone can find this believable. I'm not trying to be brutal or anything, I just can't get into this because while the style of writing is good and shows potential, it's so poorly planned out that it reads like crap.
Everything that has happened so far should have taken at least five chapters, or at least MUCH longer chapters, to occur. The idea has so much potential, and I can tell the author can write much better than this.
@Pontius Possum
VastaKustutaWell, could just be the adrenaline from the fight burned some of the alcohol out of her system. She's also a pretty lean pony so she might not have had to drink THAT much to get that drunk. And her aggression is just her own attitude.
Damn! I was just writing this! Well, I'll still submit mine when it's done...
VastaKustutaGood story, needs some more proof reading, make sure you keep the pony feel for the whole thing. In some places you switched to "man" and "guy" instead of pony. Also, go slower and take more time in your story. Each chapter should be about three times longer than it already is, with more flow between events. My favorite thing is that you took a background character with very little information and gave her a back story. Good job, but make it more in depth. I like the way you portray Rainbow Dash. I feel like a lot of other fan fic authors make Rainbow Dash too innocent and chaste. I kind of picture her more like you did, with a lot of one-night-stands but few long-term relationships. This story is definitely one worth rewriting.
VastaKustutaHuh... what's up with the metric ton of Sethisto messages ?
VastaKustutaWas he trolling us ? Just asking.
CH.1 :
VastaKustuta>I even customized all of my flying tricks into dance tricks! Like the Blazing Buccaneer! Or the Whirlwind!”
-Somehow, I can see RD frenetically dancing on disco music ;) ...or maybe she would prefer some ‘rap’, and leave the disco for Pinky Pie ? :)
>The stranger merely lifted Fluttershy onto her back, like she was a small animal.
>The last she saw was her cottage in the woods before she drifted off into slumber
-I get that Fluttershy may have fallen victim to a panic attack, because of the heavy and very unfamiliar noises of the dance club... but, unless she’s used to be ‘’dragged’’(so to speak) by stranger(s) to her home ; why doesn’t she react ? She’s not catatonic. No reaction about a strange pony taking you to ‘somewhere’ ? No ?
Also... how does Vinyl know where Fluttershy lives (since, you know, she’s a ‘stranger’ to her) ?
-Also #2... huh... Nopony questioned the fact that Vinyl randomly quit the club (while she was working) with a mare on her back ? The other Main 5 weren’t worried and thought Fluttershy went home without telling them, after not being seen from the rest of the night ?
Quite a few rather open holes (even for a first CH.), at the moment. Just saying.
---
CH.2 :
>‘This is MY house! But why would they take me here
-She question the fact that she’s in her own house, after passing out(or something like that) ? The average ‘’people’’ would rather be glad of that...
>they take me here
anyway…’.
-Random cut sentence ?
>she started regaling the
events of last night.
-And another one ?
>she began shouting for Fluttershy, trying with all her might to find her.
>spotted the mare in the place she least expected her to be. On the stage, heading for the back door
-Well, at least RD was a bit concerned... and apparently has extreme-hearing, since she heard a tiny ‘’squeek’’ from Fluttershy, in the middle of a very loud club ?
>She was walking, swaying, arm in arm with a different pony.
-Apparently RD was very drunk... since Fluttershy never walked home ; She was on Vinyl’s back, from the moment they left the club, as said in previous part.
>She was calm, and timid, able to care for the strongest pony. She was everything Dash wasn’t.
-The heck ? Seriously, what’s with downgrading RD like that, out of nowhere ?
RD is strong and fast enough for 2, and has much more self-confidence than that... Fluttershy simply has a gentler personality and all. Not what one would call ‘’everything she/RD is not’’.
>I made a promise to myself.
>If I ever saw that yellow coated mare again, I would do anything in my power to help her.
-So... she see a random pony she doesn’t know, like once, then years later fall in love with her on first sight ? ...oooooook ?
-----
Well... I, huh, don’t know, really ?
I mean, at first it seemed like a potentially interesting idea, but... It looks a bit too much like *add water, fall in love*, ‘instantaneous on first sight’ you know ?
I know a lot of ‘’romance’’ story use a similar formula, but at least there’s usually a minimum of development leading to ‘’now I’m in love with X’’... or, you know, more than ‘’I saw you once, made a promise, and fell in love the second time’’, something ?
It’s not really bad, don’t get me wrong, but it seems even easier than in most ‘’shipping’’ stories I have read so far ?