[Shipping] Background ponies!
Author: BillyColt
Description: Sir Colton Vines III owns one of the largest vineyards in Equestria, but for all the money he's made on agriculture, he's forgotten his love for the growing things of the earth. When he decides to clear away a public park to expand his vineyard, Daisy, a flower seller, stands up to him.Make Our Garden Grow
Additional Tags: This pairing is totally canon
25 comments:
Nice. After all the art, this was expected
ReplyDeleteHoly fuck FIRST!
ReplyDeleteSounds intresting...will read!
ReplyDeleteGOD DAMMIT!
ReplyDeletehmm, seems interesting! Also, "Colton Vines III"? Epic name!
ReplyDelete@Risky You disappoint me greatly. I sat here... refreshing continuously, to see if someone would be low enough...again, to first on a fic. Thanks for helping me lose more of what little hope left I had in some of you.
ReplyDeleteSounds interesting. I don't believe I've ever heard of this Sir Colton Vines III character. Another fic to read, it's not often that a story centred about these ponies is made. points++ for originality!
@Jelfes
ReplyDeleteWhy have hope in the first place.
The world is broken. . .
. . .deal with it.
@jelfes
ReplyDeleteDon't worry in time they will learn it
Interesting i'll give it a read
An OC shipfic? Never read one before... But I have to give this one a shot.
ReplyDeleteinteresting but I'll wait for the reviews. (my "will read this later pile" is to big. I only just got to past sins and that's been on my pile since its second revision.)
ReplyDelete@Kesono
ReplyDeleteThey're not OCs, they're background ponies. According to the wiki, Colton shows up in Dragonshy and Sisterhooves and Dasiy shows up in Dragonshy, Bridle Gossip and Look Before You Sleep. Granted, background ponies' minimal characterization does tend to make them nearly as flexible as OCs.
Love this story! But Billy already knows that. <3
ReplyDelete@Kuroi Tsubasa Tenshi and Kesono.
ReplyDeletewith the exception of octavia, derpy/ditzy, and vinyl/pon3.
Someone from Tumblr will get a kick outta this
ReplyDeleteAw, that was pretty cute.
ReplyDeleteProbably going to read just because he has my first name.
ReplyDeleteEh, the idea is nice, but the execution is iffy.
ReplyDeleteThe mechanics and style are good enough I suppose, although I think it could do with more texture and other environmental details sprinkled throughout to help get a sense of place.
The biggest problem I believe is just not enough development. The character's and their problems never feel firmly established so it's hard to empathize with them.
3/5.
That was awesome... Wish it would have gone a little further, like a first date or something, but maybe that can be saved for an epilogue or a second chapter? Anyhoof, LOVED it! Trevor would LOVE to see a sequel/continuation to this!
ReplyDelete~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria
Aha, this one! As someone who's had the chance to see this early on, I recommend it to anyone looking for some light shipping/reading. It's a pleasant way to spend twenty minutes or so. =)
ReplyDelete...and so the evil rich fat cat learned his lesson, and the vineyard was closed, and millions of bits were lost and hundreds of ponies lost their jobs and were put out on the street, except for all the thousands of ponies who never got a job in the first place because the vineyard never expanded.
ReplyDeleteAnd they all lived happily ever after in crippling poverty. But hey, the park sure looks nice! At least when all the homeless unemployed ponies aren't sleeping in it.
so i noticed an odd thing...
ReplyDelete*spoilerish*
There was the day with the dinner, there was the next day, then there was the guy being all tired and miffed about the dinner THAT night. I think we got time warped somewhere.
Otherwise... I'm afraid I have to agree with Sebiale. Needed more development. I saw it all coming, wasn't really engaging enough to keep readying other than I really wanted to read a Daisy story.
Eh... yeah, 3/5
I concur with MedicShy and Sebiale.
ReplyDeleteYou actually had me strung along until it ended. It was a story with no climax. A romance with no heart break.
IMHO: I know I am not the author. But I am an editor. You have a great story here. I wouldn't have read it if it wasn't, and I wouldn't take the time to write this if I didn't care. Based on what I've seen you are a pretty good author (my opinion), but I think you are capable of crafting this into a much better story. The spots I would have pointed to and made suggestions, were I editing this story, for were:
1. When he planted seed with daisy:
This would have been a great time to bring them closer, and for him change. Overall, his change was too abrupt. Here you could have taken him and Daisy away from the situation and develop their characters while simultaneously bringing them together and progress the plot.
2. After the boardroom meeting:
OMG how did you let this opportunity slip through your fingers! I apologize for being rude but you had as great of a set up as I have seen and didn't do anything with it. You had him loosing his vinyard, the flower girls possibly getting arrested, and a possible rift between Colton and Daisy. I was all set up for this but it never came. :(
Well that is my 2 cents. I hope my criticism was constructive. Let me know if I can help. I'm always down for helping my fellow bronies.
Keep Being Awesome,
~EmeraldPage
Gardening is good for you, good for your neighbors, good for your kids and good for your dog. Especially if you do it the right way. Gardening has been around for ages, and it's almost so ingrained into our genes, it's like an instinct.
ReplyDeleteshort sale in chicago
Aaaaand one MORE to add to my list...
ReplyDeleteI'll never be finished
Hadn't come across these two before... but I have to say. I really do like the story.
ReplyDelete