• Story: Lost Time (Update Comeplete!)

    by
    [Sad][Adventure]

    Author: McSqueakers
    Description: When Rarity is given an order for a dress, a series of unfortunate circumstances lead her to request the aid of Twilight Sparkle. When she discovers that Twilight has been studying time spells, she asks if she can help her recover some of her time. Reluctantly, Twilight agrees, but when she is performing her spell, something breaks her concentration causing the spell to become unstable, sending them 15 years into the future. What awaits them in a world where they have been missing for so long? Will they ever get back to their own time? Only time will tell.
    Lost Time (New Chapter 13 Rewritten)

    Additional Tags: Rarity, Twilight, time travel,
    Thursday, June 21, 2012 op
    Labels: , , , , , , , , , ,
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    38 comments:

    1. wackyponyNovember 3, 2011 at 2:00 PM

      time travel?

      eh.... <_<

      ReplyDelete
    2. HanselNovember 3, 2011 at 2:00 PM

      Twilight messes up a spell.

      Here we go again.

      ReplyDelete
    3. JohuotarNovember 3, 2011 at 2:02 PM

      Goes ask twilight for help...
      Recover some time...

      HERE WE GO!

      ReplyDelete
    4. ZamoondaNovember 3, 2011 at 2:03 PM

      I don't really care if Twilight messes up a spell in every fanfic. This sounds like a good read; gonna put it in my top 3 to-read.

      ReplyDelete
    5. DublioNovember 3, 2011 at 2:14 PM

      Sounds like an interesting premise so I'll read it. Twilight/Rarity need more adventures together anyway.

      ReplyDelete
    6. ScreenedPlumNovember 3, 2011 at 2:15 PM

      3 5-star reviews so far? I must check this out. Even if it is another one of Twilight's "How do I shot Magic" fic

      ReplyDelete
    7. AnonymousNovember 3, 2011 at 2:16 PM

      Dat picture! *__*

      ReplyDelete
    8. EquinenoxNovember 3, 2011 at 2:51 PM

      Oh Twilight...
      You're such an easy device for conflict.

      ReplyDelete
    9. ScreenedPlumNovember 3, 2011 at 3:04 PM

      Not bad. A few sentences didn't scan quite right, but over all pretty good.
      Might warrant a Dark tag though. It's pretty bleak, especially concerning Celestia. Also, the crimes committed don't really fit just "Sad". Not quite grimdark worthy, there was a distinct lack of intestines, but still more than just Sad

      ReplyDelete
    10. AnonymousNovember 3, 2011 at 3:14 PM

      This needs a little bit of work, but it's not a bad premise. The actions and words of the characters ring a little false throughout. That's what I'd focus on. I'd like to see more lengthy and realistic exploration of the emotions of the characters on being reunited after 15 years.

      ReplyDelete
    11. Mason KellerNovember 3, 2011 at 3:27 PM

      I don't know that I like this one all that much. To me, the actions of the characters don't really fit with their established personalities.

      ReplyDelete
    12. AnonymousNovember 3, 2011 at 4:24 PM

      Oooh, this sounds really good. Putting it next on my list.

      ReplyDelete
    13. MelodiaNovember 3, 2011 at 9:03 PM

      Well it's ok. It kinda starts too slow then goes too fast, but chapter 2 and 3 are pretty well paced.
      Still, there's an awful lot of info dumping going on...

      ReplyDelete
    14. ToonNinjaNovember 3, 2011 at 10:32 PM

      Oh snap.

      ReplyDelete
    15. OokamiPonyNovember 4, 2011 at 8:07 AM

      I loved it <3 Starts a bit slow, but then goes on very well, can't for the next chapters! :3

      ReplyDelete
    16. AppleJack6November 4, 2011 at 8:02 PM

      Pretty good. Worth 5 stars. You should add a Shipping tag and throw in Spike and Sweetybell ship ya know and make it cute. =D But anyway great story. Please throw the chapters fast cause I hate slow moving unfinished writings =/

      ReplyDelete
    17. UnknownNovember 6, 2011 at 12:07 PM

      The equation in the prologue should be P=2.7t, not P=3t. I did the math.

      *waits for someone to work out the reference*

      ReplyDelete
    18. Chaos KnuxNovember 21, 2011 at 11:46 AM

      Okay we used this exact plotline in my RolePlay group, only swapping out Rarity for 5 OCs. How long ago was this story written? Because we did ours in mid-June 2011

      ReplyDelete
    19. Chaos KnuxNovember 21, 2011 at 11:57 AM

      >.>'
      I like how SisterHoovers Social completely invalidated this story's background for Rarity and Sweetie Belle's parents.

      ReplyDelete
    20. McSqueakersNovember 21, 2011 at 12:15 PM

      @Chaos Knux I started writing this in October I think, but it can only be a coincedence. I've never even been to a roleplaying... place.
      But exactly how much is the same?

      And yes Sisterhooves Social did a nice job of tearing apart my theory about their parents.

      ReplyDelete
    21. kitetsuNovember 21, 2011 at 3:49 PM

      @McSqueakers
      Dont worry squakers, sisterhooves social was a fanfic massacre, but probably not as much as, well...

      ReplyDelete
    22. MelodiaNovember 21, 2011 at 11:07 PM

      I actually seem to remember Word of God at one point saying what Sisterhood Social made canon, anyway.

      As for the new chapter.....Trixie's Daughter?

      ReplyDelete
    23. YoyodddNovember 22, 2011 at 2:10 AM

      ^ It had better be her daughter, or I'll be disappointed otherwise. But... her daughter with who...? *Dun, dun, dun*

      Well, that's probably not important.

      ReplyDelete
    24. GreatSnapperNovember 22, 2011 at 2:30 AM

      I hadn't seen this before so I read the whole thing in one sitting. I like it pretty well, especially the descriptions of the magic overload thingy.

      I had a couple problems with some specific stuff, take it or leave it it's not a big deal really.

      I don't particularly care for the idea that alicorns have a specific lifespan, if only because it sort of messes with how I feel about the story going forward. I want to cheer for Twilight and Rarity to get back to their time, but regardless Twilight is going to have to deal with Celestia's death and the disappearance if the sun, unless what you've been alluding to somehow affects that. It sort of cheapens the declared goal, to me at least.

      The other thing was introducing Sweetie Belle when you did sort of took away from my level of interest in what Rarity was doing. You introduce this whole new element of Sweetie Belle's criminal life and being framed and what not, which is all interesting, except now I don't care about Rarity's plot line anymore. The whole point seemed to be she was going to go talk to Scootaloo to figure out where Sweetie Belle was, but now we know and watching her fumble around isn't that interesting. Of course, you could be going in a direction that completely negates everything I've said but that's the nature of episodic storytelling I suppose.

      Nitpicking really but like I said I enjoyed the story so far and this is what I do when I like something; I complain about the minor things that bug me. Just means I was interested enough to care. Hope to see more from you soon, sorry for the lengthy comment.

      ReplyDelete
    25. AnnaDecember 6, 2011 at 3:42 PM

      @Chaos Knux

      Just because it's similar to the plot doesn't mean they stole it from you..... From a most likely private RP group...

      ReplyDelete
    26. Stunt MonkeyDecember 6, 2011 at 10:02 PM

      That was great, I've read 5 chapters so far.

      ReplyDelete
    27. McSqueakersDecember 7, 2011 at 3:30 PM

      @Rainy Daze
      I think he was merely suggesting that I may have been a part of that group.

      ReplyDelete
    28. AlondroJanuary 14, 2012 at 2:21 PM

      @Jelfes Oh Twilight, will you ever learn not to try casting experimental spells when you're a character in a fan fiction! You know it never ends well, yet you just keep repeating the same mistake over and over! I can't overlook it any more. I'm telling Celestia! *Twilight wibbles with big tearful eyes* Erk... uhm... stop it... oh, all right! But this is the last time!

      ReplyDelete
    29. AlondroJanuary 14, 2012 at 3:48 PM

      @Alondro Still can't use the regular comment box! Arg, JAVA scripts! Y U NO WORK 4 ME!

      Anyway, yep, the real culprit was just who I expected. Looks like they need me in this future Equestria to keep things straight! I have watched "Murder She Wrote", "Columbo", "Quincy", "Perry Mason", "Matlock" and "Law & Order" from its very first season! I've read every book of Hercule Poirot and most of Miss Marple. Not only fiction, but I watch Cops, The First 48, American Greed, and every other show on what criminals are up to! Also in my repertoire are mystery manga such as "Majin Tantai Nougami Neuro" and "Detective Conan"! I have absorbed so much investigative and forensic knowledge that I instinctively KNOW who dun it, just from RAW SLEUTHING POWER!! I AM PHOENIX WRIGHT!! And the culprit is YOU!! *points accusingly... at the author! A collective gasp is heard throughout Equestria!* YOU wrote this story! It was very clever of you to have another character reveal another pony as the perpetrator, but I saw through this charade! Only a twisted mind that could come up with having Celestia die and Pinkie permanently turn to Pinkamania would be evil enough to burn down an orphanage! Now... CONFESS!!

      ;D

      PS: This story has interested me a fair amount. I only come up with insane ramblings like this when a tale has tickled my fancy.

      ReplyDelete
    30. MelodiaJanuary 23, 2012 at 9:24 PM

      *sigh*

      I know it had a "sad" tag but when a story starts just throwing hardship after hardship on everyone it starts to get kinda grating. Drama for the sake of drama, as it were.

      The story was going so well too...

      ReplyDelete
    31. Matt NeighborsJanuary 24, 2012 at 7:42 AM

      I think it's a good idea, and so far it seems fairly well written, but for some reason it hasn't grabbed me. I get the feeling that the characters are reading lines on a stage instead of acting out their lives. Unfortunately, I don't really have any good ways to fix that. Also, in the earlier chapters, there's a lot of "show don't tell" problems, and that never reads well.

      ReplyDelete
    32. Zyrin KainApril 5, 2012 at 9:07 AM

      This comment has been removed by the author.

      ReplyDelete
    33. Matt NeighborsJune 21, 2012 at 7:35 PM

      I'll be honest, this one was really good early, and kinda dark, but it suffers heavily from Indigo Prophecy Syndrome, where a strong first half goes completely off the rails in the second half. Symptoms may include multiple reader "wtf's", snooker-loopy revelations of greater powers, and what appear to be hastily wrapped-up plots. Time travel also features quite often, though it is not a predictor.

      ReplyDelete
    34. pmcollectorboyJune 21, 2012 at 7:50 PM

      It is comeplete. Which is the opposite of goplete.

      ReplyDelete
    35. StarfallJune 21, 2012 at 8:47 PM

      This actually looks like a pretty good story.

      I like how it's set up, and I'll probably read it.

      ReplyDelete
    36. Jeane RyizJuly 10, 2012 at 11:40 PM

      I do agree with otter, this is actually good, I like it. inpatient rehab

      ReplyDelete
    37. UnknownJuly 19, 2012 at 4:11 AM

      i cant find chapter 13. is it out yet? or am i just being really stupid?

      ReplyDelete
    38. UnknownJuly 19, 2012 at 4:13 AM

      i cant find chapter 13. is it out yet? or am i just being really stupid?

      ReplyDelete

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