• Story: In the Middle

    by

    [Normal]

    Author: NTSTS
    Description: Snails experiences his first taste of adolescence discussing with his friends who they 'like'.
    In the Middle

    Additional Tags: Middle School, Growing Up, Cute
    Thursday, November 10, 2011 op
    Labels: , , , , , , , , ,
    Open in app
    Share This! Facebook Share Twitter Share

    22 comments:

    1. AnonymousNovember 10, 2011 at 1:01 PM

      First!

      ReplyDelete
    2. Ten_TaclesNovember 10, 2011 at 1:02 PM

      Cute huh?
      Interested.

      ReplyDelete
    3. AnonymousNovember 10, 2011 at 1:05 PM

      ?

      ReplyDelete
    4. Detox YoungerNovember 10, 2011 at 1:08 PM

      This is now my OTP.

      ReplyDelete
    5. AnonymousNovember 10, 2011 at 1:19 PM

      Very cute, and I love this topic. I definitely support "Twails" or whatever this pair is called! That said, this is desperately in need of editing, as there is a lot of garbled English that reads as if straight out of the Bulwer-Lytton contest. For example, "unexpected emery board - grating and disarming" and "grating rock in a tractor blade." Please tone down the purple prose!

      ReplyDelete
    6. NdroNovember 10, 2011 at 1:39 PM

      @ponydoraprancypants
      Surely it'd be Twailth? :P

      ReplyDelete
    7. AndrewNovember 10, 2011 at 1:59 PM

      Very nicely done.

      ReplyDelete
    8. Patchwork PoltergeistNovember 10, 2011 at 2:03 PM

      @ponydoraprancypants

      I second this.

      It's a cute story, and I really like the way it frames Snails' adorable little rendezvous with the conversation between Spike and Snails. The fact that the bulk of the story happens between the question and Snails' answer shows off his slow (but not dumb) way of thinking. He has an answer, he just has to think on it for a couple of pages. As a result, the ending is wonderful!

      But sweet Celestia, purple prose all the way across the sky!
      A few flowery descriptors here and there is fine but I swear it was there in almost every line! The fact that it's used in the context of a story about foals makes the purple even more obvious, and it pulled me out of the story a number of times.

      ReplyDelete
    9. kesssandrraNovember 10, 2011 at 3:08 PM

      Interesting idea, considerable thought and effort putting into shaping the plot and rather relate-able given the subject. Even so...I just don't know what to think of this.

      "a largely unnecessary gesture to communicate the sultry nature"

      It's funny that this sums up what I felt about the descriptions overall upon first reading, since the line itself was one such example of purple prose. Surely we know what nudges in the side imply, right? I can't tell whether it gets better as you go on, because I ended up scrolling through the rest after "...mirth bounced off the trees". Then I came back and realized that this degree of purple does support the writing style, and gives such a clear-cut image that reminds me of sepia photographs, crisp and rich with depth, and there's no doubt that considerable writing skill has been shown. Sir/Madam, you are an elegant writer with a very developed style. (You probably already know that.) It's short and sweet, but I can't let go my initial indifference. That's why I can't rate this - I didn't enjoy it as much as I should have, but the craftsmanship is advanced and superb, and I can't under-rate that. Well, and the rating option has mysteriously disappeared from below the header.

      I don't know who's giving you those one-stars simply for purple prose/Snails/whatever, but I hope it stops, because this fic is a work of art. Not everypony can/will appreciate the detail, but it doesn't change this fact - this would be so much less without the descriptions, and it is both this story's strength and weakness. [/endtwocents]

      ReplyDelete
    10. Dubs RewatcherNovember 10, 2011 at 4:18 PM

      >Author: NTSTS

      welp, looks like i'm readin' it

      ReplyDelete
    11. GraffyHoovesNovember 10, 2011 at 4:28 PM

      I noticed a lack of comments. I will associate it with a lack of interest but the comments that are here are pretty lengthy and substantial leading me to believe that while its probably not mine or a lot of other people's style it must be a pretty good read.

      ReplyDelete
    12. AnonymousNovember 10, 2011 at 6:41 PM

      How thweet.

      ReplyDelete
    13. Aquarian PoetNovember 10, 2011 at 7:26 PM

      @mrscrib

      Well thaid!

      ReplyDelete
    14. Orion Delta GriffonNovember 10, 2011 at 9:52 PM

      Out of curiosity, was the title a reference to the Jimmy Eat World song, the middle, or just the fact that the majority of the story took place in the middle of the conversation?

      ReplyDelete
    15. Ragneki5880November 10, 2011 at 11:19 PM

      Snails isn't much of a character to me because of his lack of appeal. But I think that i'll have a different view on him and Snips now with that wonderfully written story.

      ReplyDelete
    16. NTSTSNovember 10, 2011 at 11:43 PM

      @Shas'o Orion
      It's not a reference to any of those things -_-

      As I've stated, I assume the more layered meaings here would be lost on people, so I guess I'm not frustrated... but it even reveals it in the tags.

      The whole story is written as a contextualization of growing up. The formative years between adolescence and childhood, taking place in the 'middle' of early life, and most naturally in a place usually called 'middle school'. The strict formality of that definition isn't the case here, but the whole thing is supposed to present the feeling of being suspended between knowing too much and too little, being sure yet unsure - walking the line of contradictory being that is growing up through that age.

      Anyway... yes, sorry to disappoint. It is a reference to 'middle school', or more specifically the 'middle' age between growing up into a surly bitter teenager and being a kid. Even the context of the 'shipping' is inherent here - the absurdity of approaching someone you like and asking them to 'go out with you' that abruptly is entirely typical of that age, and likely the only instance in life something like that would be acceptable.

      ReplyDelete
    17. GrolloNovember 11, 2011 at 6:53 AM

      Twailth is one of the cuter pairings I've seen, I have to admit.

      ReplyDelete
    18. TruthseekerNovember 11, 2011 at 2:48 PM

      This story nearly 'cuted' me to death. I love it. Twist isn't around enough.

      ReplyDelete
    19. AnonymousNovember 11, 2011 at 7:25 PM

      Well, I must say, that was incredibly cute!


      But in all seriousness, very well-written. I liked the general flow the story had, and the way you deliver Snail's emotions (For how much he has, xD) was very subtle in a way, but it worked well.

      In general, great one-shot. And frankly, Snails and Twist would be a reasonably cute couple...

      ReplyDelete
    20. RHJuniorNovember 12, 2011 at 12:49 AM

      Cute story. But the prose was so purple it was ultraviolet.
      Rewrite, and remember it's a short story, not your first shot at the Great American Novel.

      ReplyDelete
    21. kesssandrraNovember 12, 2011 at 4:02 AM

      @NTSTS

      In all seriousness your prose fits that of a novella better than a fanfic. It's classy all right, but it's way far out some of our reading comfort zones if you will. =\

      ReplyDelete
    22. statooseNovember 15, 2011 at 10:19 PM

      I enjoyed it! Five stars! I'd like to see the Snails/Twist young-love friendshipping continue :)

      ReplyDelete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)