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Author: Sessalisk
Description: Twilight Sparkle is accepted into Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns and gets a little more than what she bargained for.All Links after the break!
Darkest Before Dawn Part 1
Darkest Before Dawn Part 2
Darkest Before Dawn Part 3
Darkest Before Dawn Part 4
Darkest Before Dawn Part 5
Darkest Before Dawn Part 6
Darkest Before Dawn Part 7
Darkest Before Dawn Part 8
Darkest Before Dawn Part 9
Darkest Before Dawn Part 10 (New!)
Darkest Before Dawn FAQ Chapter (New!)
Additiona Tags: Boarding School, Magic, Long, Slice of Life
164 comments:
First
ReplyDeleteThree Thousand Four Hundred and Sixty Seventh
ReplyDeleteThis story seems like it will be good. This is one of the days that I am sane so enjoy it while it lasts.
ReplyDeleteHmm...if none of my stories update by tomorrow I might just give this a shot.
ReplyDeleteTwilight in school fic? Reading.
ReplyDeleteVery good so far. I liked the length, the illustrations, and the characterization of Twilight's parents. Can't wait to see where it goes from here!
ReplyDeleteIt was...different...
ReplyDeleteThe writing needs to be tightened up though...
Nice and promising start. I'll have to follow where this story goes!
ReplyDeleteNot much I can say that OAC and Lurks have already. I'll be waiting for more!
ReplyDeleteDamn, I was hoping for some more Twilight and Celestia interaction but the story was good regardless. Definitely on my reading list going forward.
ReplyDeleteCan't wait for more!
ReplyDeleteI will be waiting for more! I really liked the depiction of Twilight's parents!
ReplyDeleteI liked your interpretation on Twilight's parents too, and overall I liked it quite a bit. I thought the whole magical incident was resolved a bit too suddenly at the end, though.
ReplyDeleteNot bad! I'll be keeping my eye on this story. It's... promising.
ReplyDeleteI like Twi's dad a lot. Both her parents are really cool actually, in a geeky, science-y, and witty way. "You've been teaching her the International Phonic Alphabet, haven't you?" I laughed at that.
ReplyDeleteThe characterization of Twilight was superb also. You excellently captured her emotional drives towards introversion. Writing flowed and had great vocabulary and the entire story thus far has been believable, creative, and Twilight is forever best pony.
Really, this was just well done on every front, there's little else to say beyond "great potential, exciting things loom". Can't wait until you explain how she got Spike.
I really liked this story. I can't wait for more.
ReplyDeleteAlso where is spike?
@The Commander
ReplyDeleteAh yeah, sorry about that.
I had major trouble finding a proofreader. I put up a request on tvtropes, but chapter 1 and 2 were written for over a month and I'd submitted twice before I found anyone willing to read over the even the first chapter. I gave up for a while and started making fanart instead. lol
I know it's no excuse for sloppy writing, but hopefully now that someone is willing to help me, I can go into chapter 1 and smooth out the wrinkles (once the reader count drops low enough so that it won't be disruptive).
@vaahto
ReplyDeleteOhoho. Resolved, you say?
Now where did that story image go?
ReplyDeleteI honestly have no idea myself. o_o
ReplyDeleteTwilight's early years are ripe for exploration, and this is shaping up to be a fine example of that genre. That said, some of the dialogue felt a bit too meta for my liking. For example, the reference to the hydra was rather jarring; too specific to the episode (which won't happen for many years, in-universe) to be a coincidence and the sort of event that's far too rare to come up randomly in conversation.
ReplyDeleteLikewise, the discussion of tyrant Celestia felt out of place. Tyranny implies illegitimacy, yet her authority is universally acknowledged. (Even Pinkie Pie bows to her, at least initially.) Divine right to rule is a given when you're basically considered a god. But ponies probably wouldn't use either term; she's ruled (apparently unopposed) for a thousand years, and most of their history prior to then seems to have been forgotten, so they lack a frame of reference that would allow for meaningful comparisons between her rule and alternatives. Which is to say that that felt like a conversation between bronies, not ponies.
Regardless, that's a minor, incidental complaint. I look forward to future chapters!
Two things I love:
ReplyDelete1. The way you did the Rainboom. It interrupted the freakin' narrator.
2.I really like how naive young Twilight is. She's really like a child.
So far so good, but not rating till I see chapter 2!
ReplyDelete@plen-omie
ReplyDeleteI've removed the mention to the hydra and completely re-written the dialogue in the tyrant Celestia scene. Now they're talking about the Pythagorean theorem (without actually calling it that)! :D
And all of a sudden I have an urge to draw a hippopotamoose.
Also, uh... If anyone here is willing, I'm looking for a beta reader/editor. I'll be willing to pay you in cookies (expect them to be moldy and disgusting upon arrival), friendship, beta-ing/editing in return, and/or illustrations.
@Sessalisk I'm willing to give it a go, if you're still looking. Click my name ^^ to get my gmail address.
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ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete@Sessalisk If you are still interested I would love to give you a hand pre-reading, I am a major fan of this story.
ReplyDeleteI sent a message to you at the email in your profile. Hopefully I've gotten the right one.
ReplyDeleteI would be delighted and honoured to help proofread, should you still be looking for people to do so. I'm really loving this story so far!
ReplyDeleteI must admit, I'm quite blown away with this story at the moment. Really, really, loving the idea and design behind it. Can't wait for the next chapter! =D
ReplyDelete@Sessalisk - I'd definitely be willingly and able to pre-read for grammar, spelling, and consistency. I would also like to congratulate you on a story very well done. 5 stars.
ReplyDelete@Blott
ReplyDeleteI've got some help still so far, although one person is still working on chapter 1.
If you could give me some way to contact you outside of EqD I'll send you a link to chapter 3 for you to proof.
@drkHD
I hope the email in your profile is correct since I just sent a message to it.
Hhm... Celestial seemed a bit off to me. Like... robotic in a way. Like everything she says is just... like there's no heart in her dialog.
ReplyDelete@Specter Von Baren
ReplyDeleteI've noticed the way that Celestia talks in the show is kinda like that, so I wrote her in that way.
The editor who's been helping me on Chapter 1 isn't familiar with the show at all. She suggested that I change some of Celestia's dialogue from the show (at the end of the scene from the episode), since it sounded awkward, which just confirmed my suspicions.
Celestia doesn't usually segue her speech with anything, she uses contractions (but not all the time), and I checked the transcripts and I couldn't find any examples of her using "it's" to make a general sort of statement.
Thanks for the feedback and I'll give her dialogue another pass later on tonight when the doc isn't so crowded.
Second chapter's great. Slower than the first (of course), but the build and exposition were handled well. Also, Twilight's interactions with the other characters were pulled off very compellingly; I enjoyed the Alpine and Celestia scenes especially.
ReplyDelete@Sessalisk
ReplyDeleteHey, if you're still looking for beta readers or editors, I'm available.
And by that I mean that it would be awesome if you would consider giving me the opportunity pre-read/edit for you.
Gragh! I can't give this story enough stars! Also, filly Twilight is pretty much the most adorkable things EVER.
ReplyDelete@ Sessalisk My apologies, I didn't realise my email was set to private. If you click o my name now, there should be a contact link.
ReplyDeleteAlright, I sent an email to both Blott and Mute Justice.
ReplyDeleteI think I should have more than enough people helping pre-read the story now.
Thanks to everyone who's helped already. I'll make sure to credit you all on Chapter 3.
@Sessalisk
ReplyDeleteWell this is an amusing story! It rather reminds me of the first "Harry Potter" book (without the cruel aunt and uncle and the hints of a Dark Lord, of course!) brimming with the excitement and magical wonders to be discovered. :3
Very good work done yet again Sessalisk ;)
ReplyDeleteI mean that not only is the story incredibly entertaining and insightful, but it is very well-written.
Keep up the good work ;D
I'm glad you've writtn this, I look forward to installment number four.
ReplyDeleteThe illustrations are remarkable. Love them in the work
This is such a great story. I really love the sweeping beauty of the recent chapter.
ReplyDeletereally loved chapter 3, definitely waiting for more
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI usually don't have the focus to read super long chapters (damn ADHD), but this keeps me hooked! Love the illustrations, too.
ReplyDeleteI have noticed a couple of tiny grammatical errors (I wish I'd taken note of them to let you know where, but alas, I did not think of it at the time) but nothing that detracts from the story itself.
Eagerly looking forward to chapter 4!
That was a beautiful chapter. This story is definitely worth six stars.
ReplyDeleteTwilight's parents are NERDS!
ReplyDeleteJust like I expected them to be :)
Keep up the excellent work!
Yeah, double-post!
ReplyDeleteJust finished Chapter 3, and I wanted to say I like your characterization of Celestia. You've managed to express a very nice mixture of benevolence, humour, and power.
I must say that this is turning out to be a favorite of mine. I agree with Panoptes88, above me, about your characterization of Celestia. We don't get to see her that often during the time that Nightmare Moon is still banished and the future is yet uncertain. I'm interested in what she ends up choosing to reveal about her past, her troubles, and her temperament throughout this story. And poor filly Twilight. I hope she learns to control her magic soon. Anyway, excellent work. I an rating this 5 stars and 1 more phantom star as well.
ReplyDeleteGreat third chapter. Princess Celestia is downright enigmatic in this one, and the everyday classwork bits were as entertaining as they ought to be. Can't wait to see where this goes, it's really great so far and I'm expecting it to only get more so.
ReplyDeleteI didn't realize how much I loved this fic until I realized I'm more excited about this updating than fallout equestria.
ReplyDeleteEveryday I check this fic and everyday I'm disappointed it has not updated.
ReplyDeleteSorry about the delay. I did a class photo for chapter 4 and it took absolutely forever (Despite the simplistic style, it took more time to do than every other picture combined. Most of it was spent cleaning up lines.) with the program I'm using. I should be done with chapter 5 (it's looking to be a long-ish chapter) soon and ready to edit/submit chapter 4 in no more than a few days.
ReplyDelete"Don't assassinate me!"
ReplyDeleteI lol'd at that.
Twilight sure does have a lot to learn about friendship!
ReplyDeleteWhere is spike?
ReplyDeleteI take so much pleasure in reading Twilight defeat her bullies. Gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling inside.
ReplyDelete@Nichon
ReplyDeleteHe is with his mom.
Nice ch4, almost didn't catch that Sesame St. reference (at least I think it was), but it made me laugh for a good ten minutes
ReplyDeleteOh, that last scene... was just so... EPIC.
ReplyDeleteBravo, good sir, bravo.
@SessaliskSo, when are we going to see him?
ReplyDeleteNot for two (story) years.
ReplyDeleteVery young babies are more fun in theory than they are in practice. If I brought him in now, he would just cry and poop.
They have books about that sort of thing, but they are called "parenting books" and no one reads them for the story. lol
I could also skip 2-3 years ahead and summarize everything in between.
ReplyDeleteI'm absolutely loving this so far! Please keep it going, just don't make us wait too long between chapters :P
ReplyDeleteWait, what? I haven't commented on this? D:
ReplyDeleteI'm really liking this premise so far. Hoping you can keep it interesting throughout the whole thing, a lot of school-days fanfics end up stagnating rather quickly. You're doing very good so far, though, so I'm pretty sure you've got this. It helps that the school setting contains an immortal who may or may not be a living goddess, lol. That alone is interesting. You're distinct and fun characterizations of the teachers and other students really drive it home to upgrade this from interesting to captivating. I hope you do more with the teachers at some point, they're not getting many speaking roles aside from admonishments (discounting Celestia, of course).
I like that short time skip between chapters three and four, I'm glad you don't seem to be afraid to use them. School years are long, and interesting things don't happen every single day, or even every week. So long as you don't start throwing time skips around like confetti, lol. But like I already said, you've done well enough on the last four chapters that I'm pretty sure you've got this. Keep 'em coming, we'll keep enjoying 'em.
Another nice update, had to laugh you made twilight filly exactly as I'd imagine her.
ReplyDeleteI'm loving this so far! I'll definitely keep an eye on this one :)
ReplyDeleteA few comments on moments I enjoyed. SPOILERS AHOY!
ReplyDelete>>Twilight looked at her earnestly. “I already know that if you ever decided to, that you could destroy me.”
>>The Princess cringed.
>>“But I also know that you wouldn’t do that to anypony.”
I love moments of bold-faced honesty ^.^*
>> “They look like ants...?”
>>“Don’t,” said the Princess, sounding full of some unnameable emotion. “Don’t say things like that.”
why do I suspect that 'Tia was remembering a moment with Luna there?
SPOILERS END HERE.
As for my opinion on the story overall? It's an enjoyable read, and Celestia's voice seems less stilted now. I'm thoroughly enjoying the accompanying images.
Such a great chapter. Really funny. Twilight, you are just too silly. :D
ReplyDeleteDat House of Leaves reference...
ReplyDeleteThat was a really hilarious chapter. This has quickly made it's way to the top of the list of fanfics I've read.
ReplyDeleteHalfway through and dreading the confrontation between Twi and her parents.
ReplyDeleteTwiliiight. Well, now we know where the Lesson Zero stuff came from: when Twilight decides that something's a problem, she doesn't rest until it's "fixed."
ReplyDeleteAnyway, nice little chapter. A cute standalone story.
On one hoof, yay for fractal snowflakes and the house of leaves! On another hoof, this was kinda uncomfortable to read; I could see Twilight's plan collapsing from a mile away, and I knew it would be hideously embarrassing when it did.
ReplyDeleteWhat you call uncomfortable I call comedic genius!
ReplyDeleteThis story gets better and better with every chapter. All the kudos to you, Sessalisk, for writing such a adorable, touching story.
Twilight's getting by the only way she knows how!
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! hilarious, love this story post more...
ReplyDeleteHonestly, you've captured my perception of twilight's personality so well! keep it up stranger!
Yeah, this was... the first half was great, but the second Twilight decided to rent out her room to a complete stranger, and gives him permission to invite other people into her home, without her parents' knowledge... I just started feeling more and more nauseous. That was intensely uncomfortable to read about. And I was kind of disappointed in her parents when they found out, too. Any half-decent parent would have been furious, and given a more severe punishment than a casual grounding. You need to make absolutely sure your kid REMEMBERS that it is not at all, in any way, shape, or form, okay to invite strangers into the house when you're not home, for any amount of time, and that they fully understand WHY it isn't. And Twilight was inviting him into the house for hours and hours at a time, every single day for an entire week, longer if she hadn't been caught.
ReplyDeleteMaybe I'm taking it too seriously, it was obviously intended to be a comedic piece. I just can't help but think about it seriously when it made me too uncomfortable to see the humor.
Meh. I'm still looking forward to the next chapter, which hopefully has some feel-good christmasy scenes.
@Cedric Bale
ReplyDeleteThat's a good point. While I'm pretty sure things like stranger danger *hem* are probably not an issue in Equestria (given the fact that it seems like parents in the show are perfectly okay with letting their kids roam free all the time), I should probably address the issue that the colt could be stealing things from them.
I'm going to wait a few days for the reader count to die down a bit before I make any major edits, though.
@Sessalisk
ReplyDeleteBleh. I wish these comments had an edit option on them so I wouldn't feel like I was spamming them when I have to make an addition of some sort.
Also, Chapter 6 is written already, but it takes place during the school year. Depending on how the holiday episode goes, I may or may not write an intermediary chapter (I ain't never gonna pass up the opportunity to incorporate more canon).
Chapter 6 is... a little heavy on the physics and math (and pirates) and I'm not going to spoil anything, but let's just say that (current) Chapter 7 is more of a feel-good chapter than 6.
"There was a broom closet under the stairs, but she’d have to be a wizard to fit in there,"
ReplyDeleteHarry Potter FTW!
*rimshot*
Oh thank god someone finally got that. XD
ReplyDelete@Sessalisk
ReplyDeleteI got that the instant I saw the words 'broom closet'. I did a facehoof and chuckled instantly.
Wait... *looks at arm* I HAVE A HOOF!! WAAAAAAUGH!!! I'M MUTATING!! AGAIN!! D:
Put on your engineer caps, fellas, because it's time to ride the reading train again!
ReplyDeleteYay another chapter!
ReplyDeleteNow with pirates, and more Belaq being obnoxious!
I like that reference to an angel in the fourth paragraph of chapter six.
ReplyDeleteYes finally another update
ReplyDeleteAny author that references Schrodinger's Cat and Harry Potter with the same witty, breath-of-fresh-air style is okay in my book.
ReplyDeleteI'm really enjoying this fic. In fact, there are so many good things about it that I hardly know where to start with the positive feedback.
I love how the setting and descriptions are very in-universe and believable, expanding on canon without stepping on any toes--it's the sort of fanon that could slip easily into canon without any hiccups, which I think is the best sort of fanon that could be produced. The slice-of-life, episodic nature of each chapter is really the perfect way to tell this particular story; it allows the fic to stay fresh while adroitly providing a nice pace and making everything relate to the overarching series, a trait that major network television shows have trouble capturing as well as you have. The characterization of Twilight is particularly spot on and in character to the point where I would have no trouble believing that the show's actual writing team would do anything different. Celestia's characterization is also top notch and blends her dry humor and vast life experience skillfully and delightfully.
I want to give special mention to your brilliant characterization of Twilight's parents. I'm surprised that those two have had very little development in both canon and fanon--they have so much potential to shine. This is the first fic I've seen that really gives them believable personalities and characterizations--I love that you've presented them as fellow eggheads that encourage their daughter's natural intelligence with their own appreciations for science and logic while still being good parents that care deeply for her well being. The strongest parts of the fic are their scenes, in my opinion--the chemistry between Twilight and her parents (which sort of reads like a really good Calvin and Hobbes strip), and even the chemistry between the parents themselves are the parts that really stand out and shine, even in a story that is already so well defined.
As for all the OCs, I really have no issues with any of them. Granted, without that handy photo at the top of Chapter 4 I'd probably have a tough time remembering what they all looked like, but for there being so many of them, you've really done well at developing each of them. Now that all of Twilight's classmates are really starting to get their own intriguing backstories and personalities, the story feels a lot more well rounded. It's very comparable to what J.K. Rowling did with all of Harry's peers in Harry Potter, which is definitely the perfect place to aim for. I'm genuinely interested in all of their stories, and I really like how all of them have been developed so far, even Belaq the bully.
Speaking of that picture in Chapter 4, this is probably the only fic I know of whose author illustrates key scenes in addition to actually writing them. It adds a lot to the presentation on top of being pretty well done artistically. I'm pretty envious that someone can be such a talented writer on top of being pretty handy with a paintbrush (or whatever you use to draw everything!).
So yeah, overall this is a shining example of MLP fanfiction and rightfully deserves all five of my stars. I'll continue to look forward to your updates!
Your chapters are too short :( I totally agree on all the guy above said :D
ReplyDeleteThank you for the story !
Yes you can divide by zero, you just have to know how.
ReplyDeleteThe following division by zero is vital to a major area of mathematics:
F'(x) = (F(x+d)-F(x))/x+d-x, d-->0
@Chakat Firepaw
ReplyDeleteThat little equation at the end provides the warning I always tell myself when physicists make all sorts of wild predictions and theories about things like string theory and expansion: Just because the equations follow the rules doesn't necessarily mean the outcome makes any sense.
@Chakat Firepaw
ReplyDeleteHehe. I'll add a little disclaimer then!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteChakat, no. It's a limit, it's not something like a "straight" division by 0. That's not a strong argument, but still :
ReplyDeleteIf you look more accurately at the definition of the derivative, you'll see that d must be different of 0.
At least, that's how I learned it. The english wikipedia doesn't add this condition, contrary to the french one (and that's how it is in most of my books).
Anyway, I still don't think that it's technically a division by 0 :p
This story just keeps getting better and better! :D The scenes with Celestia are just awesome!
ReplyDeleteChapter 7, delightful!
ReplyDeleteI was wondering what university life would turn out to be for Twilight once she could use her magic.
You're a deep thinker too...educated and well studied is my guess.
Thanks for the Illustrations Sessy... and the reference to the Elements of harmony...with different names, how nice...
There is so much epic in this fic...
ReplyDeleteQuite good prequel to the series. I do have to roll my eyes at Few Colt, the ersatz Galileo. Ladies and gents, I know people think it's cute and clever to introduce a Flat Earth Atheist into settings like this.... but it's not. In fact it's probably the most fricking annoying trope in the book. Being a Galileo in a world where the ruling princesses demonstrably raise and lower the sun and moon-- and Discord makes them bob up and down like a yo-yo--- doesn't require them to be merely skeptical or even oblivious, but HOWLING STUPID.
ReplyDeleteSo, the empty cradle was Spike's? Also, what was the whole thing with Celestia growing and shrinking without changing in size?
ReplyDeleteWhen is Twilight ever going to have to lift something heavy, indeed. I love back-foreshadowing like that.
ReplyDeleteThumbs down for the drill-sergeant nasty phys ed teacher. No way in nineteen hells would Celestia tolerate that in her school! Sadism, profanity and abuse are not teaching tools.
ReplyDeleteIf that phys ed teacher doesn't get some massive Karma, or worse, ends up with people thanking her for her abuse of her students-- I'm going to be disgusted.
ReplyDeleteAlso, Ashen Mauve's The Last Question + Enigma getting Twilight to ask Celestia about entropy = Oh Dear.
ReplyDeleteTwilight gets her magic back, FUCK YEAH. And Twilight grabbed the entire damn planet in her magic? OP. Is that how Celestia moves the sun? Using the earth as a foundation for moving the sun (or vice verse)? I hope not, that seems a bit mundane, especially considering the following scene with the pictures showing off Celestia basically being a god, or something close to it. I liked those pictures, btw. All of them. They really add to the story.
ReplyDelete@RHJunior
ReplyDeleteI'm not going to say too much else at risk of spoiling, but...
While the movement of celestial bodies is clearly controlled by magic, and no sane pony would contest it. That is not Few Colt's heresy. Rather, he has an issue with the mechanism of the magic itself. This controversy could easily be cleared up by Celestia coming out and making a public statement about it, but she doesn't find it appropriate to interfere with the workings of pony society or their technological development.
As for what Few Colt's deal is, I will be getting into it later. It's really not that big or mindblowing. If you're here from tvtropes or have access to wikipedia, you might even already know.
If you REALLY want to know, I can probably pm you about it or something.
@RHJunior
ReplyDeleteThere is also a reason for that, and it is probably not what you think.
Unfortunately I won't be getting into it properly until at least year 3.
(Also, if you are the same guy who does Tales of the Questor, I love your comic. If not, disregard this comment)
@Treebohr
ReplyDeleteYes.
As for the growing and shrinking, Twilight was doing some serious shrooms.
Kidding.
She wasn't exactly sure what happened there, but for a moment she saw a glimpse of something that was much larger than what was actually in front of her.
None of the actual dimensions changed, because anything she saw wasn't quite physical, or even completely natural.
So yes. She saw what amounted to God. Or Goddess. Whatever.
@Cedric Bale
ReplyDeleteFor the love of cheese, I really need to start reading all these comments and replying in one fell swoop rather than spamming the turtles out of everyone with an individual comment for each.
Anyway, the foundation spell is very low-power and doesn't actually do a whole lot unless you use levitation at the same time.
So while Twilight did grab the entire planet with her magic, she wouldn't be able to accomplish much with that unless she could carry a significantly (we're talking astronomical terms here) large weight as well (which she can't).
@Sessalisk
ReplyDeleteWait, you're planning on following Twilight for at least three years?
YYYEEEESSSSSSS
@nemryn
ReplyDeleteAt least four years, possibly more if by the end, having a 13-14 year old Twilight attending Canterlot University still seems like it will be a fun idea to explore.
This fanfic is obviously going to end when Twilight graduates, or soon after. But I have to ask, do you already have future plans to continue this beyond that, possibly in another fanfic? It seems clear that Princess Celestia is grooming Twilight to wield the Element of Magic, but I'm kind of getting the impression that she's got something in mind beyond even that.
ReplyDelete@Cedric Bale
ReplyDeleteI do have a few ideas for another fanfic after Twilight graduates, but it's really up in the air.
After all, this is going to be long (around 50 chapters or so), so hopefully I wouldn't have lost interest by then.
If I do write a continuation, it will be split off from this one, the reason being that many, if not most, of the OCs will not be returning and the tone will be slightly more adult (Not Grimdark or full of sex or anything, but Twilight will obviously be older and little more worldly by that time. AKA A wangsty teenager.). Plus, from what I have so far, it looks like it would be more arc-based than slice of life.
@ RHJunior
Lookin' at your blog, I've come to the conclusion that you are probably the same RHJunior. I've also come to the conclusion that some of the content and themes chapter 4 and onward might have been offensive, and I apologise if that is the case.
To you and anyone else who finds it so, anything said or referred to by the characters in this fic does not necessarily reflect the views of the author. Anything said or referred to by the characters in this fic does not necessarily reflect the views of the character who said it (As the author, I reserve the right to have lying characters who lie, and misrepresenting characters who misrepresent. Not everypony can be Applejack). The one thing from this fic that can really be said to reflect the author personally is the propensity towards geekery, which leads to a lot of shout outs to random stuff that she's learned over the years.
And that is all.
This story is more impressive with each chapter. Everything from the prose and characterization has improved. And the story really hums along.
ReplyDelete@Sessalisk To answer Twilight's concerns in the latest chapter, I think Discord could spawn a new universe. If he truly used ALL the power of chaos, he could do literally anything. A universe seems to pop out of nothingness, if it isn't cyclical. Which means at that very instant, energy has been created! Such would seem to a power of absolute chaos, violating what seems to be a basic rule of natural law. Unless it isn't actually a law at all, and energy is appearing all the time (dark energy, anyone?) and we're simply still too primitive to realize how to do it ourselves. ;3
ReplyDelete@Alondro
ReplyDeleteT'be fair, they were mostly Enigma's concerns.
The way I interpreted it, Twilight sees things like entropy through the lens of deadlines. It's something she would like to avert if she could, but she simply can't see any way to, and it's so far into the future that she doesn't think there's a good reason to be worrying about it now. ie, it's a long way off and by then it'll be somepony else's problem. The whole thing is a little too abstract for her to get upset over in any meaningful way.
As with most things, though, including character interpretations and the future of the universe, consider me completely dead on the matter.
I must always concern myself with matters of the end of the universe... for I fully intend to be present for it! *demi-god laughter*
ReplyDeletethought I would pop in to make sure you knew I enjoy this story. Also chapter 8's song...metaphorical sex haha....honestly some parents forget that children lack the level of context they have...
ReplyDeleteTime to stop bleating and get to reading!
ReplyDeleteThat song was amazing. Having Twilight's parents there was amazing. Having Twilight totally misinterpret her father and screw herself out of a friend was sad, but amazing.
ReplyDeleteHa... That chapter was hilarious, with the perfect capper as Twilight gave away her participation medal. I loved the use of The Royal Canterlot Voice, and Celestia's reaction to it... I hadn't even picked up on it until that moment.
ReplyDeleteAs funny as this was, I now fear that there will be some serious mental scarring ahead if Twilight is going to forego friendship for years to come. She's such a sweet filly, and as this chapter (and the show itself) proves, she may be awkward but she's far from unlikable. A misunderstanding torpedoed this friendship, but one would surely get through without something major happening to isolate her more. I worry that she's going to be subjected to some major heartbreak.
By any chance is 'Chipper'a reference to 'Pumped Up Kicks?' Both are catchy tunes that have lyrics involving going on a killing spree.
ReplyDeleteWe're all subjected to some major heartbreak. This story is about Twilight growing up, and she'll have to endure it at some point, as sad as that can be.
ReplyDeleteThis was such a funny chapter, and very enjoyable once again.
@0c44fb84-4318-11e1-98bb-000bcdcb471e
ReplyDeleteIt's not a reference to any song in particular, just a tendency for a lot of really catchy, upbeat songs to have very disturbing lyrics. For instance:
Maxwell's Silver Hammer by The Beatles - A young guy goes on a murder spree and kills his girlfriend, his teacher and a judge with, all with a silver hammer.
The Pogue's, Fairytale in New York - A man and a woman fall in love on Christmas Eve and then grow to hate each other. The man becomes a drunk and the woman starts dying of a terminal illness, and then they realise that they destroyed all their dreams by being together.
ET by Katy Perry - A lonely girl is going out to get date raped (okay, this one is contested, but what else can "wanna be a victim, ready for abduction" and "fill me with your poison" mean? :P).
Michael Jackson's Smooth Criminal - A woman gets murdered (and depending on who you talk to, raped) in her own apartment.
And I could go on and on forever... A lot of the time people don't even stop to think about these sorts of things, judging by how many people like to play Every Breath You Take by The Police (obsessive, controlling stalker tells his "love" that he/she will always be watching) at their weddings and stuff. o_O
@Sessalisk Mainly because no one knows the lyrics. I always caught the stalker vibe in "Every Breath You Take".
ReplyDeleteAnd then there's the suicide suggestion in "Jump"! You know, "Jump! Might as well jump!" >;D
And of course the the rather obvious injection drug use in "Captain Jack". (Billy Joes had lots of suggestive and overt lyrics like that)
And don't get me started on "Somewhere Over the Rainbow". I-I... it's just... too horrible to describe...
@Alondro
ReplyDeleteAt the risk of getting you started on "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", what's the subtext of that one?
The text itself just reads as a standard-issue I Want song to me, but I'm probably missing something.
I must confess, I rolled out of my chair laughing because of 'The Ways of Love'. :)
ReplyDeleteAw, poor Malachite. He just wants to share the music.
ReplyDelete@Sessalisk
ReplyDeleteOh, there was absolutely no point, which was the point! I just took a well-known and completely innocent song and implied that it had some horrible hidden meaning, or could be taken in some devious direction to make people go scrounging over the lyrics for days and days. (trololo) >:3
@Unknown
ReplyDeleteDidn't Malachite work for Queen Beryl at one point (Sailor Moon)? ;D
@Alondro
ReplyDeleteZOI!
Only if you watched the dub. He'll always be Kunzite to me. <3
Also, I checked google for the meaning of Somewhere Over the Rainbow, and apparently some people think it has Theosophical messages in it since Baum was a Theosophist or something. Kind of far fetched, though.
I doubt he had very much to do with the movie production, authors seldom do.
Wow, you're a genius. I'm amazed by your writing skills; could lend me some ? :D
ReplyDeletehello i absolutely love your story your terrific writer i have been loking for a good filly twilight story for some time this is the best i have ever seen it feel completely canon to me so when are you going to update again im so excited for the next chapter love achaley
ReplyDeleteI just realized I can put Text files on my Kindle. Looks like it's going to be filled with MLP Fan Fiction now!
ReplyDelete@Snugglekip There is a e-reader pdf version on deviant art of this story! :) http://maximillianveers.deviantart.com/gallery/31093108?offset=24#/d4h0oth
ReplyDeleteI read this chapter at work, so I was very distracted at many point and don't remember everything I wanted to comment on. D: But I will anyways! The evil rock with the evil face was hilarious with the cult and the horrible puns and whatnot. In fact, pretty much all of the exams-induced craziness was great fun to read about. I also loved the beginning with the Princess. I think her interactions with Celestia comprise some of my favorite scenes in the fanfic. I also love how you (I think) insinuated that the Princess used to be a unicorn? Or maybe I'm misinterpreting that whole bit with her mentioning having parents, I've always been partial to the fanon of the Princesses being ascended from mortals instead of being born as deities. Oh, and the part with the school vanishing in a puff of illogic - how do you know it won't disappear in a puff of logic, hm? That part was probably a reference to a book or something, or else not a reference to anything, but it made me think of sitting on thrones in the rogue-like NetHack. :P
ReplyDeleteAll in all, a very satisfying end to Twilight's first year at Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns. :D
@Cedric Bale
ReplyDelete"Puff of logic" is Hitchhiker's Guide reference.
Studying to be a geologist and I love your rock solid puns, they really take the heat and pressure away from that metamophosed statue.
Can't help but feel bad for Rune and her magic issues. Kind of expected Twilight to raise the subject with a teacher or Celestia, but I'm guessing there are things planned for her. Given her name I imagine she'll make a good ritual or enchanting unicorn.
@Luminous
ReplyDelete"Studying to be a geologist and I love your rock solid puns, they really take the heat and pressure away from that metamophosed statue."
Haha!
"Can't help but feel bad for Rune and her magic issues. Kind of expected Twilight to raise the subject with a teacher or Celestia, but I'm guessing there are things planned for her. Given her name I imagine she'll make a good ritual or enchanting unicorn."
She did ask Celestia in an earlier chapter (I can no longer recall which one), but Celestia, for a number of reasons, refuses to disclose information to her about the other students. Any of them, not just Rune.
@Sessalisk *Russian accent* Is time to 'rock' Twilight like hurricane, comrade?
ReplyDeleteEnd of year one! Woo!
ReplyDeleteAs usual, Blueblood can go prance in a field of poison joke. The exams were fun. I eagerly wait for year 2, thanks for sharing :-)
So wait, this is it? No more story? Talk about loose ends... If I understand correctly, the author is abandoning this fic because season 2 ended. Please correct me if i'm wrong, but it seems really weird to end it where it did.
ReplyDelete@LunaInSocks
ReplyDeleteIt wasn't supposed to end here originally, but apparently something in the Season 2 finale would've messed it up. It was probably something to do with Cadance being her foal-sitter, and her brother would've had to be added in.
I personally think this story should continue anyway, as Sessalisk seems to have put a great deal of time into it. However, I can also understand and respect her not wanting to write something that goes against established canon (especially after spending a lot of time on making it fit with the show).
I'm certainly going to miss seeing this story updated, but it's the author's decision and nothing I say will change it.
@Treebohr *chuckles* Well, honestly, I think many of the best stories smash canon to pieces. The point is to make your canon breakaway so good nopony even cares that it isn't canon. How else does "My Little Denarians" get away with having everypony hop into various alternate fictional universes, including Star Wars and nopony cares because the story is so bucking awesome we all just want to see what happens next? Same thing with "Flight of the Alicorn", "The Sweetie Chronicles", "The Best Night Ever", or any of a couple dozen 6-star stories I could take from my list.
ReplyDelete@Alondro
ReplyDeleteI agree, and would have no problem if this story continued and ignored the season 2 finale completely. However, some authors like their stories to be able to fit in with canon as much as possible. There's nothing wrong with that, but when it's a fic like this one, the show can destroy that possibility completely.
@Treebohr Could also just shove them into the story the way they were shoved into the show canon.
ReplyDeleteShining Armor: Twilight... Celestia never told you the truth about me...
Twilight: She told me enough... she told me you're sleeping with my babysitter, who is actually her neice, Princess Miamore Cadenza, whom I used to call Candance back when I was a little filly but didn't remember until this bit of dialog because I hit my head really hard.
Shining Armor: ... Well, the bit about the babysitter is right on the mark...
Twi: D:
Shining Armor: But anyway, I AM YOUR BROTHER!!
Twi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! And you're sleeping with my former babysitter?! That's... god damn that's creepy! So yeah, NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
trolololo ;3
Oh no, what happened to poor Twi!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI don't recall if the story ever specified that Twilight was an only child, but it wouldn't be hard to fit Shining Armor in, regardless. All of the scenes of him and Twilight as a filly (and her with Cadence) were before her acceptance into Celestia's school (as she didn't have a cutie mark). Just have Shining old enough to be away at guard training and/or his own boarding school during the year we've seen in the story so far. At worst, a few minor edits are needed to drop his name and this explanation into earlier chapters and it all works out.
ReplyDeleteThe age difference isn't clear, but if he's already moved out it should work fine. It doesn't make the age difference any greater than it is between Rarity and Sweetie Belle.
As it stands, it's a shame to have it just unceremoniously end, but I enjoyed it while it went along regardless.
it is a pity that everyone is ending/killingoff/shutting down everything they had been working on due to a single pair of episodes.. really.. it is.
ReplyDeleteAt the end of the 10th chapter it says that willow bark tea is asparin. Technically it's a primitive, and acidic version of asparin, that is functionally the same thing, but has yet to go through key chemical changes that cap the excess hydrogen ions to reduce acidic level. This is important because willow bark tends to come with unfortunate side effects, and in the repeated doses Twilight recieves, it is not unlikely that would happen. Just saying, btw, if your concerned about scientific accuracy (which most people really don't care about. At all. Like not even a little bit. Just sayin)
ReplyDeleteFrankly dude, I loved this story right until you dropped the ball at the end. I cant clearly see how the season finale could change the story in any significant way. even if it did you shouldn't let it stop you. you were clearly putting a lot of effort into it. I'm not disappointed in the story so much as I'm disappointed you would give it up so easily. weak sauce bro
ReplyDeleteI apologize, but I have to be REALLY mean right now.
ReplyDeleteI loved this fic. It was one of my absolute favorites. I loved your interpretation of Filly Twilight's adventures. I loved the humor and good storytelling. And if the author wishes to end it, that's their choice.
But this...is just not a good reason to end it.
I can appreciate trying to stay close to the show canon. After all, fanfiction is just building new stories off of existing universes. That being said, you should not be limited to aping what the show does. If it does something like it did with Shining Armor and Cadence, work around it.
Simply killing a good story, one you've poured your heart and soul into, just because of a change in the show's canon is never a good move. If there is some sort of real life issue, or the author loses interest in the show, then it's sad but understandable. If it's just because you have to rework your story to incorporate more canon, it just feels more lazy than anything else.
What Harwick said is true. Shining Armor was only a part of Twilight's early foalhood, long before she joined the School for Gifted Unicorns. It's an easy fix, and doesn't break the story as it's presented right now.
In any case, though, it's sad to see this story go like this. I loved this story, and would have enjoyed seeing how it was supposed to end.
I'm going to agree with other people here.
ReplyDeleteThere's no reason to end the story, just because the show threw in a random character, that was created solely for the purpose of this single episode, that will never be seen or heard from again.
The story is YOUR story, not Hasbro's. You should write as it was intended.
Besides, you were there first.
My elation at seeing this update was quickly followed by a crushing sense of despair that it had ended. "How?" I wondered. There was no way Twilight could grow up and be ready to face down Nightmare Moon in a single chapter.
ReplyDeleteReading the comments, I learned that Sessalisk the Stupendous was feeling less than stellar, due to the careless crumbling of canon created by the cruel, conniving Cadence/Chrysalis.
But, I needed only to gaze into the nethers of memory to recall many a fic that used MLP only as a jumping point to leap to even greater heights. Do not lose faith, Sessalisk. Your writing and skill shines through the twirling mists of canonical fiction.
I hope you reconsider.
Damn you Cadence and Shining Armor !
ReplyDeleteYou ruined one of the best fanfic about MLP !
I'm sure we would all be willing to deny Cadence's and Shining Armor's existences just so you could keep writing a story coherent with the show.
GOD DAMN IT
ReplyDeleteI just read your Celestia mini-chapter. That is top tier mythology right there. I'm going to steal it in a poor imitation of your glory.
Thank you for all being understanding about the story ending where it is. Even you, pg13fresno! At your meanest you're still far more polite and mature than many of the people on the other place where this is posted. I'm not going to subject you guys to the sheer asshattery I subjected some of them to, but it's kinda safe to say that a couple of them really earned it. lol.
ReplyDeleteI sincerely apologise to those who see this ending as premature; I'm sorry I've let you guys down. It was just that I don't see how I could keep writing this without it becoming as much of a chore to read as it would be to write. There wouldn't be any love, and all we'd be left with is self-indulgent tolerance.
A lot of the fun I got from this story was working within the bounds of canon, and I wouldn't have minded completely revising earlier chapters of the story and continuing if the finale was done a little differently. My main issue is that in order to reconcile it with canon, I'd have to write about an already very special character (she's being personally trained by Princess Celestia, has a talent that basically amounts to being good at everything, and is very intelligent) becoming even more special (Now she has an awesome brother who's captain of the royal guard, and another princess is her babysitter, and she's probably some kind of royalty by marriage. I know that last bit comes later, but that's still a lot of stuff). And I'm not sure I could willingly do that with a straight face.
Sure I could slap an AU tag on it, but that would also take a lot of the fun out of this story. For one, it just wouldn't feel right... and this sounds odd, but I enjoy the challenge of having certain limitations on what I'm allowed to write. It's why I write fanfiction in the first place rather than original fiction, even though I absolutely love worldbuilding and putting a lot of thought into original characters.
When I first set out to write this story, I intended to make it Slice of Life where each chapter could almost be read as a standalone. Even if I had chosen to end the story three years later, it would have still been unfinished. Stories are never really over, and there is no such thing as a happy ending or a sad ending. There is always more to come and more you can imagine and more adventures to be had. Every ending is just another beginning.
Once again, thank you guys for being so mature and understanding about this! You are awesome!
Also, thanks for the information about willow bark, Ray! You learn something new every day! :D
@Forderz I know, right?! So good.
ReplyDelete@Forderz
ReplyDeleteYou could almost say it's... Celestia-tier mythology! Hahahaha-ahaha ha...
Don't hurt me please...
@Sessalisk
ReplyDeleteWhere's that Bag Joke Pinkie Pie image when you need it?
I am disappointed, but understand your choice. It'll be sad knowing that I won't have updates of this story to look forward to, but I'm interested in any future work that you do!
A shame you decided to end it so soon, I hope you reconsider, it truly was a brilliant read
ReplyDeleteI'm sad to see this is over, but it was fun while it lasted. Thank you :-)
ReplyDeleteWhile I understand your reasoning Sessalisk...I really hope you reconsider. Because I love this story to pieces.
ReplyDeleteYou're an awesome writer, and and I want, so badly, to see the next few years of magic school for Twi! The things you mentioned in the FAQ sound so fascinating, and like such good stories...I want to get to know Rune better, and see more about the teachers, and her school mates.
You have an awesome, awesome story here, and there are a number of easy fixes that would keep it within canon that other people have mentioned.
I just don't want to see such awesomeness ended for something so...fixable. =/
But it's your story--and while I may not agree with your reasons to end here, I can understand and respect them. I do know Ill be looking up more of your writing from here....
Hope you reconsider. :D But its alright if you dont.
I'll admit that I am disappointed that you're not continuing with this story. However, I do understand where you're coming from. When anyone creates a piece of fanwork, be it art, stories, or or even plushies, we do it because we love the series and the medium. If it becomes something you simply don't enjoying doing anymore, then you're under no obligation to do so.
ReplyDeleteI did have a great time reading your story. And the fact that you illustrated some of the scenes made it even more enjoyable. I'll miss where this story was going. But I would love to read anything else you come up with.