[Comedy]
Author: Cold in Gardez
Description: “It’s called ‘Shh’,” said Fluttershy. “It’s a game about who can be quiet the longest. Sound fun? I’m the world champion.”The Contest
Fluttershy is not a pony who makes things up. She really is the world champion of "Shh," or The Quiet Game. And now it's time for her to defend her crown, with Twilight Sparkle and Rarity along for the ride.
Additional Tags: This sounds perfectly safe.
58 comments:
Was this inspired by the comic along the same lines?
ReplyDeleteWow, that's a pretty intense sounding fic.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe somebody made this! Must read.
ReplyDeleteIt's not "I'm the world champion!".
ReplyDeleteIt's "I'm the world champ, you know!?".
"This sounds perfectly safe" isn't a very reassuring tag on the internet I know and love... lulz
ReplyDeleteThis smells totally like Grimmdark :b
ReplyDeleteHeh, Hehehehe, HAHAHAHAHA. Thats awesome.
ReplyDeleteAny mention of Fluttershy and being quiet reminds me of the PMV: Fluttershy - Quiet video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWANUCTgc-g
ReplyDelete...That was certainly worth the read, although I'm still with Twilight on this one: this is kinda confusing.
ReplyDeleteSpoiler warning:
ReplyDeleteAside from when she went up against the skeleton, this was a rather amusing fanfic and a very unique idea. I liked it! (The skeleton was just absurd however. Could probably have been made less macabre...)
Awesome!
ReplyDeleteJust the right mix of nice and funny to be perfect.
O_o
ReplyDeleteThat... that works. That was a laugh-out-*silently* comedy based on a game of being quiet. All my stars, ALL OF THEM
Oh god this is brilliant, that twist with Shy Sparrow. xD
ReplyDeleteWhen I clicked onto the link I said cool! Then I looked at the characters, saw Nightmare Moon as well as Luna, and got really confused.
ReplyDeleteIt all honesty I was expecting it to go grimdark at any second.
ReplyDeleteHowever it never did and for that I thank you
5 stars easily one of the best stories I've read in the past few weeks
in* not it that would be silly
ReplyDeleteThat was awesome.
ReplyDelete@Zanzibar THat was actually my second favorite part. THis was a good funny one shot. 5 stars here.
ReplyDeleteI thought the Shy Sparrow part was the best bit actually.
ReplyDeleteThat's a lie. Rarity was the best part.
Man, this is amazing for a story about being quiet!
ReplyDeleteLoved it. Cute, funny, and simple :)
I had wondered what 'Shh' would be like if it were real. Thank you for answering that. I really enjoyed this story.
ReplyDeleteSo is Fluttershy "Master of her Domain"?
ReplyDelete5*.
ReplyDelete"I'm the world champ you know. *squee*"
That was completely random and silly. I enjoyed that.
ReplyDeleteThe Shy Sparrow match was clever. I was wondering if it was even possible for him to lose. The way it ended was well thought out.
ReplyDeleteThe competition was surreal, but it somehow made sense. It's definitely Fluttershy's expertise, Rarity did even worse than expected. Very nice story overall.
Ha! I loved Rarity's attempt, as well as the surprise competitors. Funny stuff!
ReplyDeleteAnd I thought a skeleton would be imposible to beat...
ReplyDeleteWonderful to see this fic doing so well!
ReplyDeleteI think I'll break my no Oneshots rule...
ReplyDeleteThe instant I saw this, I rated it five stars. I was not dissapointed!
ReplyDelete@Celestia Was that the one where Fluttershy asked Dashie to cheer for her, and kept telling her to cheer quieter when she was practicing her cheer?
ReplyDelete@Celestia
ReplyDeleteActually, it was just based off that one part in The Stare Master, where Fluttershy proclaims she's the world champion at "Shhh"
Instant 6 stars for this one.
ReplyDeleteWow. Most excellent.
ReplyDeleteYou know, most comedy-tagged things I don't like. This one, fortunately, never descended into slapstick. Very, very well done.
Excellent concept and execution! Characters stayed well within character.
ReplyDeleteYeah, pretty much what everyone else said. This is "What Do You Mean, It's Not Awesome?" in pony-fanfic form.
ReplyDeleteFluttershy's match against Shy Sparrow was incredibly weird, and yet well-planned out. Can't get much quieter than dead...and yet, she still won.
Wow, I cannot say how impressed I was by that. Very well done. I thought Fluttershy was going to put Angel to sleep with her petting, and his snoring would be the loss, but this was well done too.
ReplyDeleteWow... I am impressed someone was able to go so far with this concept! The dialogue was great, the story was fluid, and the humor was spot-on!
ReplyDelete5 stars.
Well, well, well, I know the next story I'm going to read.
ReplyDeleteAm I the only one who immediately thought of the Seinfeld episode of the same name?
ReplyDeletePlease tell me I'm not.
i realized this was awesome when Luna showed up... That entire scene works on so many levels.
ReplyDeleteWARNING MASSIVE SPOILERS AHEAD YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!!
so fluttershy awaits her first competitor in the " professional round" only for said competitor to show up....and its Nightmare moon!
the first thing that made me laugh is that this is an auditorium full of thousands of ponies, Nightmare Moon shows up and * no one makes a single comment about it.* anywhere else in Equestria the appearance of Nightmare Moon in person would cause mass hysteria. not here. its funny in and of itself plus it establishes just how * serious business* this competition is.
it also works nicely as a piece of fridge brilliance. in order to get to this round the competitors must have won their local championship. how Does princess Luna, with her ostentatious and moody personality, her tendency to chew up the scenery and her hair trigger temper, win a " quiet" contest? simple, she shows up in her Nightmare Moon persona, causing her competitors to scream and run away, thus handing her an instant win. she didnt count on a reaction like Fluttershy's ( fainting dead away)
oh in also enjoying the idea of embracing the whole " luna causes fluttershy to faint" thing as a running gag. plus anyways, anytime my 2 favorite ponies ( luna and fluttershy) are together is awesome in and of itself.
5 stars.
I loved reading this!
ReplyDeleteThis needs but two things:
ReplyDelete1) to be made into an episode,
2) some way that'll let me rate it higher than 5 stars.
I was remiss in not saying this earlier: A huge thank you to Filler and especially Cassius for their assistance in editing this work. I've written several 5 star stories -- this is the first one they helped with, and it's my first 6 star story. That's probably not a coincidence.
ReplyDeleteI'm usually a pretty critical reader (though I try to keep my comments polite), but there was nothing about this story that I didn't love. Thank you for writing!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this story, there is very little to criticize up until the end. Its funny, well written and entertaining. The end itself however I feel lets it down a bit. its just over a bit to abruptly, slightly anticlimactic. It needs a bit more "oomph". Have Rarity practice with Fluttershy for next year's competition, have Twilight and Rarity join Fluttershy for the celebration festivities, do something with Angel Bunny. Anything really, as it is the ending just seems a bit lacking to me.
ReplyDeleteI gave this a read and was I ever entertained. Of course Fluttershy would win a contest like this. I bet she could even beat Tom if he was there for some reason.
ReplyDeleteAnd after the end I realized I'd read most of the other stories listed (and liked them all), it made sense.
This is really enjoyable and entertaining. It deserves a 6-star rating
ReplyDeleteHowever, i felt that the conclusion was a bit disappointing for such a well-written fic.
I get that "The ending was rushed" comment on a lot of my fics, actually. It would seem to be something I need to work on. I just never saw much point in continuing things past the climax -- the story is basically over at that point, all you're doing is sending the characters home with their moral lesson.
ReplyDeleteAlso, why do people seem to think this is going to turn grimdark? It's a comedy about Fluttershy playing The Quiet Game.
Anyway, thanks for all the comments! They are appreciated.
@Cold In Gardez:
ReplyDeleteI think with how serious everypony was treating "Shh", the readers thought this was not just a competition, but almost like a cult ritual or rite of passage-type thing.
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!
ReplyDeleteI knew someone would use this idea. Somepony said it heaps of times on an idea thread, it was only a matter of time.
Absolutely hilarious!
ReplyDeleteSo many ratings, so few comments.
ReplyDeleteThat this is a welcome sight in the sea of dark fics is obvious. That it's refreshing (nay, glorious) to see honest-to-Celestia Fluttershy-empowering material, well: it gives me hope. There are other reasons why I loved this, but these are victories you racked up before the actual words were considered.
And the words are beautiful.
I don't know if you find this insulting, considering the plot itself is solid and well-crafted, (not exactly complicated, but given its length, that's a nonissue) but that's really what I snagged on - in a good way.
Word choice, formatting, sentence structure; this is a bloody ELEGANT read. Add humor that was just right, and much-deserved Flutterlove, and you get a thing of beauty.
Fact is, I've been on a dry spell with reading lately, driven to distraction by other things. Now I wonder what else I've missed. I am really coming to love short, daww'able stories. Thank you for writing this.
@Cloudy Skies
ReplyDeleteHopefully you've already read them, but if not I highly recommend The Best Night Ever and It Takes a Village as excellent recent stories. They're both a bit longer than a one-shot, but neither is a very long read. Both feature excellent writing and story.
Also, Within and Without remains one of my favorite fics. I shamelessly stole your "Luna makes the room cold when pissed off" concept for more than one of my stories.
@Cold in Gardez
ReplyDeleteOh, I didn't expect a reply, and certainly not so soon!
Both of those fics are on my to-read list (which is rapidly becoming ridiculously long), but I'll bump them to the front for sure!
As for your other words, thank you, truly! I sincerely doubt I am the first to use that specific little bit of Luna, mind you - to me, it comes naturally with her portfolio.
That is SO not gonna stop me from quietly doing the Dashface right now, mind.
well that was certainly an.. interesting.. story. good, but interesting o.O
ReplyDeleteI'm in a similar boat as Cloudy Skies. I've hit a dry spell with my reading since I finished Silent Ponyville 2 at the beginning of November. I read a couple one-shots, but they weren't all good. When I see a story get so many 5-Stars that quickly, I know I need to put it near the top of my to read list (which is also amazingly long). So after half-a-month of no reading, I went to read this. Normally I would finish a fic of this length in an afternoon. It took me over a week because I distracted myself too much. It didn't take me until yesterday to finish it. I also finished The Glass Blower this afternoon, go read my review there. I usually do long reviews, so prepare yourself.
ReplyDeleteAnyway...
Before I even read the story, I liked the concept. I've always wondered about Fluttershy's boast about being the world champion of being quiet. I thought the fic would be about Fluttershy not saying a word for over a month while her friends try to communicate with her; hilarity ensues. This concept of a real contest with a time limit turned out much better than what I thought. (I thought the contest would play out like my original idea with no time limit. Thank god there was one.)
What I found most amazing about this fic (less about the story, more about the writing) was how you were able to create a scene that would normally bore the reader, and keep the reader on the edge of his seat. If the ponies simply had a staring contest with each other, the fic would be short and boring. No, you created an amazing amount of drama involved in simply being quiet.
You also made the contest believable. Not with the rules, but with the detail you put in the background of it and the detail of what is going on during the contest. One example is something that I expect may have been overlooked was Fluttershy mentioning Celestia judging the contest as good luck. It seems like such a small concept, but do you know how superstitious people get watching football? (American Football, in particular. Even Baseball). Another example of detail that kept me on the edge of my seat was with the scene with Sparrow. A quiet contest versus a bag of bones? Pff, that's not dramatic. She wouldn't last. You showed me. The descriptive language in this scene actually kept the story thrilling. (*gasp*) The air blew her mane. (Oh no) She's gonna lose! (What?!) The bone clattered to the ground! The detailed descriptions allowed the time to pass in the story instead of saying "15 minutes passed with neither making a move."
A different subject: Angel Bunny. I liked this scene. Just hearing the rules made me cringe. You can be rough, just as long as you're quiet. That's the "Be Angel Bunny" contest. Fluttershy obviously was losing the battle by being rough with her pet, so she changed her strategy to being kind. That keeps her in character. She can't beat Angel Bunny at his own game.
Let's see, let's see. Oh! A couple of small things. First, Rarity's contest. She acted just how I expected. The story up until that part showed that she didn't fully understand the rules yet. She believed it would be a walk in the park only to be shown-up by a kid. This part made me laugh a bit.
Last thing (also small). The only qualm I had with this fic was the ending. It was INCREDIBLY brief. Fluttershy wins, Twilight and Rarity exchange a few words later, end. I'm not saying you should have thrown in a champion's ceremony (although that would be interesting), but that last little bit of conversation could have had more content. Not filler or padding; I think there was plenty of room for actual plot content.
I'm giving this a 5-Star. It was funny, and it kept me on the edge of my seat for something so simple as being quiet. Bravo (quiet golf-clap).
Late to the party, just read this, it was awesome, worth every one of its 6 stars.
ReplyDeleteMy only complaint was it seemed to end suddenly, I didn't even see the end coming until I hit the author's notes.