[Random] [Comedy] [Normal] [Shipping] [Dark] Yep... It's exactly what you think it is.
Author: MetalGearSamus
Description: On a bright day filled with birds and blue skies, an insane cult attempts to give Discord renewed freedom and a third chance at eternal chaos. But when the spell is interrupted by Luna, something unexpected is created.
Now, an little brown earth colt named Dyx finds himself living under the care of Pinkie Pie, only to be mildly disturbed by memories and emotions from his past. Is the colt Discord reborn or is he simply a doppelganger with a soul and mind of his own? (Both) Can Pinkie Pie protect Dyx from those refuse to see past his yellow eyes and awesome magickalishfullness? (Yes.)
Or, will Dyx be forced to inherit the mistakes that may not even be his and once more become the greatest evil Equestria has ever known? Again? (Maybe. *sniff* Maybe.)
Ancient Blunders: Prologue
Ancient Blunders: Chapter 1
Ancient Blunders: Chapter 2 (New!)
Additional Tags: Poorly Planned Past Sins Parody, Dyx Jokes, 11 Chapters
172 comments:
Woa. Tags.
ReplyDeleteOh my, a pastsins parody?
ReplyDeleteSounds hilarious.
And pointless.
Uhm, that image, it makes my mind hurt.
ReplyDeleteI snickered at this. Milk came out of my nose. I wasn't even drinking any...
ReplyDelete@Municipal Engines
ReplyDeleteYou should have that checked out XD.
Yes. Oh god Yes.
ReplyDeleteLol what?
ReplyDeleteSounds like a poor copy of ideas similar to those of Past Sins.
...
Meh, I've got nothing better to do anyway. *reads*
I have absolutely NO IDEA what to think about this...
ReplyDeleteI dont think the backround has enough red scribbles yet. :v
ReplyDeleteIcwudt, heavy reference.
ReplyDeleteHAHAHAHAHAHA!
ReplyDeleteOh my god, I was dying from the picture and description. I can only imagine how the story is. Definitely will read.
I say, can't we just let it go? No point in beating a dead horse.
ReplyDeleteYes.... just... Sooo much Yes
ReplyDelete*starts reading*
Does Pen Stroke know anything about this?
ReplyDeleteWill probably read later. Had to come and point one thing out: fillies are females. From the desctiption I gather that "Dyx" is supposed to be male. Maybe colt instead of filly? :P
ReplyDeleteAlso, I second Boomerang503's question: Does Pen Stroke know about this?
*reads description* So dyx is a guy, but he's a filly.
ReplyDeleteYou know I might read this.
Oh god, this looks hilarious. I lost it at "Dyx".
ReplyDeleteThis sounds so pointless and stupid.
ReplyDeleteI WILL enjoy this :D
This has the potential to be the best thing ever. I can't wait for the fanart. Eagerly awaiting more.
ReplyDelete@Celestia Not nearly as much as trying to make sense of what's going on in the prologue.
ReplyDelete@Tundra
ReplyDeleteThat's the point.
Have you read the tags?
It's a parody of it.
Hmm, where should we keep this reincarnation? With Pinkie, just so he's kept locked away where no one else would see- and who knows, Celestia works in mysterious ways- Even this foul creature may yet prove one day to be of use to me.
ReplyDeleteDyx! HAHAHHAHAA!!! Oh god! Discord+Nyx...Dyx...Dicks.....XDDDDDDD pft--- HAHAHAHAHAAHA!
ReplyDeleteI only read the description and this already is the best fic ever! 5 stars!
@Ten_Tacles
ReplyDeleteYes. And now I can't edit my previous comment.
Darn.
@JiiKoo
ReplyDeleteStrangely, I think it makes some level of "sense" (as much as chaos can), given that he's supposed to be the god of chaos reborn. It probably is just something missed in the editing, but a funny thought nonetheless.
Oh, my... This looks...Oh my.
ReplyDelete@Kuroi Tsubasa Tenshi
ReplyDeleteYeah, I agree with that. I would have no problems with Discord becoming a filly, that would be fun :D
My point was that Dyx was referred to as "him" and "himself" even though he was called a filly. I've seen filly used like that before, so I think it's just people think fillies are young ponies in general when fillies are only females and the males are called colts.
“Good. You.” She repeated again, pointing at her winged pegasus companion repetitively. “Do you have the prisoner?”
ReplyDelete“No.”
“Then who does?”
“You do.”
“I do?”
“Do you?”
“Who do?”
“Do who?”
Okay, this is fabulous. The author MUST fix the filly/colt mistake, though.
ReplyDelete0_0, just 0_0.
ReplyDeleteI like this...
ReplyDeleteI like this alot
To be perfectly honest, considering how strongly some people dislike Past Sins, I'm surprised I didn't see this sooner.
ReplyDeleteOh, and now that I've skimmed through parts of the story, yeah, seems like that "he-filly" thing wasn't just an error in the descrition... Yeah, so if the author sees this, please fix it.
ReplyDeleteAlso, seems like my question was answered. Pen Stroke knows :D
Hi! Also, there are people who strongly dislike Past Sins? :o Some people I don't understand at all...
@JiiKoo You must not have been here when past sins was still new, yes there are plenty of people *cough*trolls*cough* who greatly dislike past sins.
ReplyDelete@ pen stroke
ReplyDeletepast sins was one of the best fanfics ever. how could somepony strongly dislike it?
@ScootaDash
ReplyDeleteIt applies for everything, there will always be a few who dislike it.
I was ninjaed.
ReplyDeleteMy brain, it hurts.
ReplyDeleteI loved past sins. I HAVE to read this one.
ReplyDelete@Pen Stroke
ReplyDeleteJust because someone makes a parody, doesn't mean they don't like the thing they parodied. Galaxy Quest was a parody of Star Trek and the team behind that loved ST.
Of course, I haven't actually read this, so there may be some thinly-veiled criticism behind the tongue-in-cheek jokes.
@Pen Stroke
ReplyDeleteCmon! Yeah, I know I disliked your Portal crossover but my complaints were only Portal-related and I know I like Past Sins so far.
Yeah, I didn't finish going through Past Sins yet. I know I really should, but just too busy these days, yknow.
This fanfic. I just ran for it after reading the description. The description just really catches the reader's attention. Comedy can be awesome like that.
Point is, there can always be affectionate parodies of good stories. It's not made because people hate Past Sins.
@Municipal Engines
ReplyDeleteThat is very true, but you'll have to forgive me if I'm wary.
@Gummy
ReplyDeleteYeah, I came to MLP only recently, a month ago I think? I thought of checking the comments on Past Sins' own page here, but I'm not going to go through 3k comments right now :D Anyway, if you don't mind me asking, what was the thing they didn't like about it? Making an OC based on NMM or something silly like that?
I'm expecting great things from this one.
ReplyDeleteOkay, going to drop this comment just because I'm noticing the star-rating on the story.
ReplyDeleteI haven't read it yet myself, so I don't know if the story deserves what it has so far (3-star @ 56), but I ask everyone to read a story before you rate. Good or bad, you should at least give a story a chance before you enter your rating.
To quote Zecora: "Maybe next time you will take a second look, and not judge the cover of the book."
This is FANTASTIC! Really and truly hilarious, both as a spoof and as a stand-alone story. Really, truly well done.
ReplyDelete6 stars all the way.
Past Sins was okay for me, but this....is awesomely hilarious, and a great parody - can't wait to see more of it!
ReplyDelete*Facehoof* It took me ten minutes to get the Dyx joke....
ReplyDelete@Pen Stroke
ReplyDeleteYeah, just looking at the comments, everyone who read it like it. This definitely deserves 6-stars.
Must be those kinda guys who just look at the description or tags and just downvotes because it's sonic or grimdark or shit like that.
...the buck?
ReplyDeleteHopefully this aint no troll fiction.
@Pen StrokeAs long as you can laugh at yourself, it will help out in the long run.
ReplyDeleteThis I've got to read.
ReplyDelete*twitch* *twitch* I know you're doing it on purpose, but it still bugs me when you keep calling him a filly.
ReplyDelete@JiiKoo
ReplyDeleteRight, I was trying to imply the god of chaos could be more mercurial if it wanted, though. So properly executed, a Dyx could successfully be referred to as a him and a filly where both statements are true. I know Discord is a he in canon, but given he seems to have some pretty strong transformation magic, I could seem him being whatever the heck he feels like at any given moment.
Granted, if I'm reading these comments correctly, it doesn't sound like that's the way the author intended it, so I guess I'm just theorizing at this point.
I need more of this, for I am thoroughly entertained. Though I'm not sure if I should read Past Sins first...
ReplyDeleteI've read the posted parts now and it looks great to me (the minor filly/colt error aside). The low star rating is yet another instance of knee-jerk one-starrers, I'm afraid.
ReplyDelete@Pen Stroke, just to add to the others saying the same thing, parody can certainly be an act of admiration. One reason I find this parody so funny is because I loved Past Sins. If I'd disliked Past Sins then reading Ancient Blunders would just be reminding myself of something I didn't like.
Once this tale is done I wonder if there'll be any fun fun adventure stories where Dyx and Nyx save the day together. :)
@JWolf You should read Past Sins if for no other reason than it's a damn fine work of fan fiction. :) It'll almost certainly make the jokes in this one much funnier if you have context, though, as is the case with most parody.
ReplyDelete@JiiKoo Well I could go on all day about why THEY say they didn't like past sins. But from all that I've seen the majority didn't start from the character nyx or from the story itself but from the fans. As some would put they shoved it down everyone's throats saying it was the greatest thing ever which lead to hate. From there it was only a matter of time before trolls took to it because of the fan's undying love for such a popular fanfic. And while some will say that nyx is a marry sue some people actually believe this while other use this a a trolling tactic to enrage the fans as an insult. In all honesty we really just need to stop worrying about it and just appreciate it for what it is, a fanfic. Nothing more, nothing less.
ReplyDeletePast Sins is OK at best. The prose tends to get redundant and has way too much exposition. A good editing job to clean that up would improve the story significantly.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure which would make this parody better: more streamlined writing, or deliberately using the same kind of floridly over-done prose.
@Bryan I'll get on that one day... after I get through the list of unread fics staring at me...
ReplyDeleteThis is awesome, A parody of one of the best fics ever now with 2o% more chaos, what else could I ask for?
ReplyDeleteOk, after reading it, I have this to say:
ReplyDeleteInside of my bookmarks, I have a folder names Pony Stories. Inside of that folder are two folders name "Complete" and "Incomplete". This gets its own folder named "WTF". Maybe "WTFan-fic".
@Select Few Re-reading that makes it sound like a bad thing. I mean that comment in the best way possible. I love crazy fics like this.
ReplyDeleteI liked Past Sins but some of the fans and the haters could drive people off of it. I don't know if I will read this...but I won't vote on it unless I read it.
ReplyDeleteI really hope this enrages the haters tho
... Pfft... BWAHAHAHA! Okay, after reading Past Sins, Trevor HAS to read this, if only to know if flaming or complimenting is the proper course of action. ALLONS-Y!
ReplyDelete~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria
I appreciated the Catch 22 hospital cameo. :)
ReplyDeleteDyx !? Insta Must read!
ReplyDeleteI just cant seem to hit my desk with my face hard enough for this...
ReplyDelete@violetclm
ReplyDeleteI agree, haven't finished chapter one yet but its the best part of the prologue!
Staccato is the best guard ever.
ReplyDeleteAnd Dyx is a bishonen. He's so pretty that he looks like a filly!!! XD
It's brilliantly hilarious. As long as the author takes the basic premise and runs with it (instead of being a parody of everything that happened in Past Sins) then this could be really fun. This could easily have been a pathetically bad parody, but instead it seems like the author is really trying for a story> story here.
ReplyDeleteThe Knee-jerk reactions, evidenced by the comments and the current star rating (3.1 with 131 ratings) are probably the worst things that will come of this story. Then again, this might happen to the next evil villain on the show, which could go either way.
Past sins was a mary sueish pile of garbage this is amaZing
ReplyDeleteThis sounds hilarious.
ReplyDelete"Dyx." M'hm.
Ooh, this looks interesting!
ReplyDelete3.1 stars at 133 ratings? is it really that terrible?
Okay, so of the 73 comments the most negative I can find is complaints about the colt/filly confusion.
I suppose that this is kind of bait for reflexive down-votes; the Nyx-haters and the obsessive Nyx fanboys would both declare this to be the worst thing ever without reading it, leaving only us poor fools in the middle ground to actually read the story.
Myself I consider Past Sins to be a well-written fanfic, if nowhere near the massive hype built around it, and a perfect target for parodies such as this.
Dang it, I don't read incomplete stories, but this one has tempted me more than any has before! But I know if I read the first chapter, I'll be sad I have to wait for the rest... You Need to finish this Nod because I Have to read it!
ReplyDeleteYou know, as someone who studies psychology and social relationships extensively, as well as someone who reads a whole lot, Past Sins was actually really competent. Mary Sue-ish? yes, but that's a really bad basis for an argument against it, because if you think about it, all of the best characters technically ARE Mary Sues. Batman, Superman, Captain Kirk, Indiana Jones, Twilight Sparkle... the trick is separating the GOOD Mary Sues from the Bad ones, something that in the wake of the internet and the realization of the existence of the Mary Sue, seems to have been completely lost on most people. Furthermore, in understanding social relationships, one has to remember that not everybody makes all the right decisions all the time, so the arguments for the Idiot ball are actually rather null. The context and culture of the story and the events therein actually make for deeper and more compelling characters as a result of their mistakes.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, while I am a fan of Past Sins, it was probably Pen Stroke's second weakest work (the weakest being Haunting Nightmare). Better Living through Science and Ponies, Creeping Darkness, and A Drop of Moonshine were all way WAY better than Past Sins, and I don't think Past Sins deserves anywhere near the following it has. On the other hand, like I said, it doesn't deserve anywhere near the hate it garners either.
Now as for THIS story, well I haven't read it yet, but given the fact that we've already got commenters raging about and others defending Past Sins in the comments, it seems like it's actually trying to incite conflict among the fanbase and gain attention via infamy, similar to Cupcakes though not quite in the same manner. Using the intense conflict surrounding Past Sins as a jumping off point, it uses that to bring everybody's attention to it, which is a very low strategy, however competent it may be. I have to say, going into this I can't be very pleased with how it's presenting itself.
Umm... lol whut? What's a nice warm bet?
ReplyDeleteTrololol. All Trolling aside, it's not that bad, though one hopes to see how it will diverge from the story, while staying close to it at the same time.
~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria
Dyx. you named your OC character Dyx. Dicks. seriously.
ReplyDeleteWow, you idiots love to hate, don't you? There was nothing wrong with Past Sins. It was an engaging read and a really good concept.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I think you guys are jelly. Jelly because you can't write worth a damn, and nothing you do will ever be a tenth as popular. :V Just sayin', bronies.
AND THE LOLZ WERE HAD.
ReplyDeleteIf Past Sins offered us anything, it offered us, first and foremost, a big helping of Dyx.
Maybe... *sniff* maybe.... But I have yet to see man outsmart leetle ponies..
ReplyDeleteOk speaking as a Past Sins fanboy (aside from a few minor issues arising from the rewrites) and having now read this, it's honestly pretty decent so far. It's certainly no hatefic and Screwball especially is fantastic in her utter insanity.
ReplyDeleteThis really deserves a chance to be read on it's own merits and leave the Nyx war well alone. There's a couple of misplaced word slip ups and there's the filly confusion thing but I'm going to be looking forward to reading more of this.
Hahaha! Need more.
ReplyDeleteIt feels less like a parody and more of a do-over, but still, it's well written enough (except for the wrong use of 'filly') and it is highly amusing.
@Dusty the Royal Janitor
ReplyDeleteYour last paragraph: Or it could be a normal, tongue-in-cheek parody of a fic that the writer happened to like? Seriously, nobody here gets that just because it is a parody doesn't mean the writers didn't like the thing that the parody is based off of. And no, it's probably not using Past Sins because that generates conflict and so advertising. Past Sins is basically a fairy dust that if you sprinkle over something, it's bound to attract fans and haters alike. It's a divisive fic.
I....what?
ReplyDelete@Municipal Engines
ReplyDeleteThis guy gets it.
@Municipal Engines
ReplyDeleteHaving just finished reading the second chapter moments ago, I feel I can agree. It is, in fact, a good natured parody. My last paragraph simply stated that its very nature does not make a good first impression. I was never not going to give it its chance.
Speaking of which, it's actually rather well written. There are some issues. It's not always easy to figure out who's talking when a lot of ponies get together in the same scene, there are some very prevalent grammatical and punctuation issues, and some imagery is a little poorly handled, but overall it makes for a fun read. You do a very good Pinkie Pie.
I would like to point out that if Dyx is male still, then he is not a filly. He is a colt. A filly is a young FEMALE horse. if you're looking for a genderless term for a young horse, the correct term is a "foal." This mistake gets very annoying very quickly.
Screwball's plan seems really questionable, however. Disorder is a paradox within itself. If everything is uniformly disordered then it conforms and is ordered. It is impossible to obtain perfect disorder without circling around and reaching a form of order.
Overall, though, entertaining story and a funny read. I actually did laugh a few times when they got to Fluttershy's house. Could use some polish here or there, but it seems you grasp the concept of a parody pretty well and are pulling it off quite nicely. As Mel Brooks said "you need to love what you parody," and this is obviously not a hatefic, so good on you there.
Overall this seems to be well written and was certainly entertaining. It was confusing at times, particularly in the scenes of the discorded guards, but it makes sense that it doesn't make sense and I got the impression it was intentional. I have three minor complaints: the first is Luna's butchered olde english.
ReplyDeleteThe second is the gender confusion on Dyx's part; if it was intentional as a chaos feature, there should be actual confusion from other characters. Instead everypony immediately identifies him as male, but still uses the word 'filly' for some reason. An immature male equine is a foal as an infant, and a colt as a child.
The third was the fairly common mistreatment of Pinkie's mane. In the show it's seen to go flat exactly once, after half an episode of suspicion and despair, and signaled a major mental breakdown. In fanfics all too often writers make her mane go flat at the slightest provocation, only to reinflate seconds later. It's a minor but annoying bit of Flanderization.
Y'know what I find amusing?
ReplyDeleteIf I completely forget about Past Sins (which is surprisingly easy) and read this story as an original and not a parody it's quite funny. And good, actually (except for the one or two spelling errors).
Derpy/Screwball? I ship it now. Dicks? Sounds like a name Discord would love. Dis Chord? Brilliant.
@JiiKoo Discord sneers at your sexual dimorphism!
ReplyDeleteLOL
ReplyDeletewhat is this madness? a parody of Past Sins? DO WANT.
Oh, and the shipping is apparently derpy/screwball. @.@ 9.6 To contrast with equestria total war where they're bitter enemies I guess.
ReplyDeleteI haven't even opened the story yet but I just know this is going to be worthy of 5 stars just from that description.
ReplyDeletedon't know if it been said but filly isn't the word you want to use when describing a young male pony Colt or foal is the right term but other then i found the story to be well written I really liked Pinkie pies interactions with Dyx
ReplyDeleteyes yes yes
ReplyDeleteI like it over all. HOWEVER
ReplyDeleteYou could use a little work on use of the word "filly".
Otherwise, I don't understand why people hate this so much. I just sense a bit of sarcasm/hate in some of the comments. It's not like he's killing past sins. It's not like it's being rewritten. It's a PARODY.
Not read yet
ReplyDeleteSo its past sins...but funnier?....im in
@MIASMA_PARASPRITE
ReplyDeleteI liked Past Sins and I'm more than willing to give a comedic parody a chance. What's the point in laughing if you can't laugh at yourself and the things you like, right?
As a side note, I hope that Pinkie inherits Twilight's "OMG SUPER MOM" mentality from Past Sins. It'd be interesting seeing her prepared to launch bricks at Celestia to save her adopted foal.
lol past sins parodyXD got to read!
ReplyDeleteThose of you going on about how the author is incorrectly using "filly" to describe a young male pony should consider that maybe it is done on purpose. This is a story about the avatar of *chaos* after all...
ReplyDelete@ShadeTail
ReplyDeleteIf it's done on purpose then it needs a lampshade, or at least one example of the "correct" usage somewhere else, so that we know that Discord's just dicking with us.
Otherwise you get ten thousand people going OMGWTFGUIZITSCOLTNOTFILLY1STAR
That said, I loved this.
I would never *ever* read Past Sins, but knowing what I do of it, makes a parody of it an amusing and welcomed concept.
ReplyDeleteIt also makes me realize that one of my most-used nicknames across the internet (Dyxid) is not pronounced like I thought it was...
I always assumed it was "Die-zid" not "dicks-id". *facepalm*
Oh my god the "Dyx" makes me laugh harder than it should
ReplyDelete@Everyone
ReplyDeleteHa ha, oh wow, my bad on the filly/colt thing. I was so used to seeing only the word filly used (because the show and a good deal of the fanfiction is so female dominated) that I got it into my head that it was synonymous with foal. :P
I'll correct that ASAP.
And I'm glad to see that I survived the initial ratings slaughter with 3.6 stars. Guess I have my word cut out for me. Ha! XD
This was pretty good and the second chapter was the embodiment of Pinkie Dinkie (It's a silly nickname I JUST made up). So far it is pretty funny but really? Dyx of all names?
ReplyDelete[As Mel Brooks said "you need to love what you parody,"] Good on you Dusty the Royal Janitor, A lot of people I know never heard of him.
*Work. Not word. Derp.
ReplyDeleteI enjy the story so far. only one thing I noticed is dyx is referred to as a filly in chapter two, this won't bother most but gives me a little bit of difficulty reading it as i work with horses and a filly is a young female pony, whereas a foal is any young pony in general. Otherwise i love the story so far.
ReplyDeleteYou made Teech a liittle kid?!
ReplyDeleteHOW DARE YOU AUTHOR OF THIS STORY!
. . .on a side note.
@Pinkie Pie
If you need help with him let me know.
@Torg
ReplyDelete:o What is that word? (English not native language) *googles the word --> wikipedia* ah, I see. But I still don't get it... It's not a compliment, I suppose. The only acceptable response in this situation is to quote the best pony.
Yay?
@Dyxid
Aw, why not? It's perfectly good story. :P
Also, I feel very slow now. Only now I realize how Dyx is pronounced correctly... I earlier read it like we would read it in Finnish with the "y" like this but shorter. Yeah, Dyx, Dicks... :D
About the story itself, I haven't fully read the first chapter. I read the prologue and skimmed the first chapter to check that colt/filly thing (that more people are starting to comment on, yay for being the first :D) but didn't read it further than that, mostly because I didn't have the time and as this seems to become a long one, I'd rather only read it once it's complete or at least a bit longer.
From what I read I find this interesting and it isn't just poking fun at Past Sins but is actually trying to be a story on it's own. I approve! I hope the author takes the timeand actually finishes this (and hopefully fixes the colt/filly thing, it's annoying :S)
@Gummy
This is coming a bit late, but thanks for the brief explanation. :) I can see people trying to shove it down everyone else's throats and I understand how that would annoy people. Me myself, I'm not saying Past Sins is the best piece of fiction ever written or anything, I like it because it's a good story that's enjoyable.
About Nyx being a Mary Sue... Well she IS Nightmare Moon and that means she is supposed to be powerful. I'm okay with that, as it makes sense to me.
@MetalGearSamus
ReplyDeleteAnd while I was writing my wall of text you commented ^^ So yay for hearing you're going to correct the colt/filly confusion, I sort of knew there was something like that going on. Anyways, good luck with the story, hope you'll finish it at some point! Don't mind the haters, they are just gonna hate.
@JiiKoo
ReplyDeleteI don't read a lot of fanfiction to begin with, and I'm especially avoidant of pieces that break certain "rules" I have, of which Past Sins seems to shatter them all.
It may seem pre-judgmental, but I'm not judging the book by the cover so much as the synopsis printed on the back.
@Dusty the Royal Janitor I agree. I do think that his other works prior to Past Sins were stronger. I don't think the story necessarily was THE best thing ever in retrospect. Though there are somethings that could have been executed better anyways on to the story.
ReplyDeleteFunny and entertaining so far though there are few things that should be corrected that have already been mentioned.
Something tells me the colt/filly mixup is no mistake...
ReplyDelete@Dyxid
ReplyDeleteWell, to each their own. Not everyone likes everything, it's only when people take it to extremes that I start to question it. You saying you'd "never *ever*" read it seemed just like that. It seems I was mistaken, though.
Just out of curiosity, would you mind sharing those "rules" of yours? I try to understand differing views when possible, it's sort of a "hobby", I guess. :S
@JiiKoo Thank you, I was about to say the same thing.
ReplyDelete@JiiKoo
ReplyDeleteSure.
1. Regardless if a character is original or self-inserted, do not make them over-powered. Having them be competent in battle (if it occurs) is one thing, but having them end up roffle-stomping anyone and everything (especially previously established powerful characters) is just bad writing.
2. Regardless if a character is original or self-inserted, do not make them over-loved. Being tolerated and liked by others is one thing (sometimes it's even required), but being showered with affection and attention at all times by anybody or everybody (especially to the point of being allowed to "do no wrong") is just bad writing. Likewise, having them playfully flirt with/crush on someone else (and even someone else flirting back) is one thing, but having them end up with anyone, and especially a literal harem of anyone and everything, (especially previously committed characters) is just bad writing.
3. Regardless if a character is original or self-inserted, do not make them over-important. Having them contribute to the plot (or even being the catalyst for starting it) is one thing, but having them end up hogging all of the spotlight and making anyone and everything rely on them (regardless of their own competency or lack of) is just ...you get the idea.
Mind you, I was once a fanfic writer myself, and adhered to those rules to the point that I never ended up publishing anything with self-inserts or OCs because it always felt like I was breaking one or more of those rules, and abhorred the idea of contributing to the negative stereotypes that follow those kinds of characters and stories.
Of course I was pretty self-judging of *everything* I wrote to the point of publishing nothing. It's for that same reason that I have such a mixed opinion of fanfiction now (and thus don't read much of it anymore) because on one hand, I can understand the want and desire to write something and letting those creative juices flow, but I also know full well how easy it is to fall into pitfalls over quality that can drive a writer mad or have them be criticized for things they could have avoided. Far be it for me to claim being an "expert" on the subject of fanfiction, but rather I'm amongst those who can view the medium through two perspectives of (ex)writer and reader alike which results in the use of different scales and measures than if one were only a reader.
Ok now that I've read this...
ReplyDeleteI....what?
No. Dear Lord, no. I loved Past Sins. This... I want to hate it, but I just can't.
ReplyDeleteO_O
Blast it all, I'm going to have to read it, aren't I?
Heroic, this is. You are a the true hero of Equestria Daily.
ReplyDelete@Dusty the Royal Janitor
ReplyDeleteSince you seem to be interested in stories in a more, shall I say, intellectual fashion, would you mind tell me why you thought Past Sins was Pen Stroke's second weakest work? What did he do wrong? What, if anything, did he do right? What would have made the story stronger, in your opinion? Could anything have made the story stronger? Or is it your own opinion that the story was doomed from the beginning.
I'm curious if anything could be improved in writing or characterization to make the story stronger in your opinion, because it's very frustrating to hear "this story isn't very good" but almost never "this is why it's not very good".
After all, if I know what's broken, I know what to fix.
Alright. I've fixed the gender confusion. Heh, though I don't think I'll ever live /that/ down.
ReplyDeleteOh, and do try to keep the solely Past Sins related discussion/flame wars down to a minimum. It has it's own post for a reason.
@Dyxid
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, thanks for taking the time to write these down! :)
I've never written anything myself, so I don't have that experience to affect my feelings on fics. That's why I like hearing other's opinions, especially when they have experiences I don't have. I have read a lot, though, and can see what you mean with the self-censorship and all.
I agree with you on these rules of yours. They are all things inexperienced writers can trip on when writing OCs and they can ultimately ruin a good story. Cereal Velocity just posted a new part in his guide to writing fan-fiction that actually touches on this a bit. A funny coincidence. In it he pointed out that one of the reasons self-inserts tend to go bad is emotional attachment to the character that makes writers make them too powerful and all that. I can see that happening.
I like reading human in Equestria stories and they are definitely some of the easiest stories to ruin with self-inserts that are over-powerful, over-loved or over-important. I've read one that pretty much fulfills all of those criteria but I sort of liked it, though. It might just be the fact that it's hard for me to dislike anything unless it's just plain bad or disgusting.
Anyways, I'm getting off-topic, so I'll stop here. Once again, thanks for sharing your views. I'll probably save those rules somewhere in case I'll try writing something at some point.
@MetalGearSamus
Good to see you fixed it. Stuff happens, it's no biggie now that it's fixed. And sorry for derailing the thread a bit :S
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete@Discord
ReplyDeleteDo you wish to be the little filly?
@Stargazer
ReplyDeleteNo need to get this checked out its a normal reaction to something of this nature.
@DeRockProject
ReplyDeleteIs
Am
Was
*spoiler*
ReplyDeleteFluttershy becoming the *father* of Dyx.... along with Pinkie.... i... want... more...
Oh my god, Catch-22 reference.
ReplyDeleteI laughed so hard.
Did not see that coming.
ReplyDeleteLoved the antics in the hospital scene.
Awesome. Just awesome. Fluttershy will help Pinkie rise Dyx? It sounds so... suggestive)
ReplyDeleteLong overdue.
ReplyDeleteSHOTS FIRED!
@JiiKoo
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome, though I admit I didn't really write them out here so much as copied and pasted them from somewhere else where I had been asked about my so-called "rules" before, heh.
But yes, the breaking of those "rules" carries into reading fanfics for me as much as it did writing them, which is why I stay clear of such works regardless of how popular they might be within a fanbase.
I'll also admit that it's slight irony that the first time I started commenting here that it would be about OCs and my personal concerns over their potential/questionable qualities and how they affected my own writings, and then lo and behold suddenly there's a post for a writing guide that addresses that exact thing, heh. I should take anything else I have to say on the matter to that comment section and leave this one be to the more on-topic discussion.
@MetalGearSamus
ReplyDeleteMy apologies for causing any derailment, I hadn't expected my passively dismissive comment about Past Sins to warrant a response, and then in explaining myself that someone would take interest in my reasoning.
I fully admit to having said harsher things about Past Sins and Nyx elsewhere, but it would only incite arguments to bring that up here regardless of this parody-fic's relation, and I would think it rude of me to take it straight to the original fanfic in question as that would likely be seen as trolling no matter how sincere or understandable my issues with it. (Haters ain't gotta get in people's faces about it, heh.)
More than that though, I couldn't help making note of the whole "Dyx" thing, again due to how it made me realize that I had been mispronouncing a similar nickname of mine for *years*. Kind of makes me glad I'm not a famous fan writer/artist/composer, as I would likely never hear the end of it.
I'm... going to have to read this... aren't I? /Rarity
ReplyDeleteI absolutely despise Past Sings, and I could go on and on about some of the reasons.
ReplyDeletebut who the hell cares, gonna read this when I have the time.
did I really type "Past Sings" goddamn I am tired.
ReplyDelete@MetalGearSamus Hm, the filly/colt thing is kind of silly. If it were me... I'd make it a joke in a later chapter. Like Fluttershy spots Dyx, and after taking in details concerning things like voice pitch and muzzle shapes, realizes that Dyx is suddenly a filly.
ReplyDeleteDyx then mentions 'he' wanted to try it out, and changes back.
I give full permission for you to use this joke, if you want.
@Batty Gloom Amen.
ReplyDeleteAnd now, an amusing truth:
"A critic is someone who knows the way but doesn't know how to drive."
@Batty Gloom
ReplyDeleteHoo boy... it's been a long time since I read it, so I can't be sure I'll be able to accurately review it without going back, rereading it, and going down point by point, but I'll do my best.
First of all, I'd like to say that I never said "This story is not very good." In fact if you were to ask me to sum up Past Sins I would say it was "Way better than a whole lot of the fics out there." I'd give the story at least five stars and it's probably still deserving of its six star rating, at least in my mind. I just don't think that it deserves of all of the hype, mountains of fanart, and nyx fics that have come about because of it (although I can't say I'm not pleased for you.) Really all I was trying to say was that "I liked Better Living, Creeping Darkness, and A Drop of Moonshine more."
(Actually, alongside "Sweet Apple Capers," I'd say "A Drop of Moonshine" is my favorite fic.)
Actually though, there were only a few things really wrong with Past Sins in my mind.
First of all, there was the way that it was presented as it was uploaded. Being on the project itself you probably recall that there were numerous times that you went back and rewrote parts of it and then re-uploaded it, sometimes to the point where whole chapters were drastically rewritten. Now this isn’t necessarily so much a problem with the actual story quality, but I can’t deny that it didn’t make a good impression on me while I was reading it. That’s probably the more minor criticism since the final story itself was better for it, but changing things in the middle is looked down upon.
As I can recall really, I have pretty much no negative criticism for anything that happened BEFORE Nyx became Nightmare Moon. Before Nyx became NMM I think I found the story pretty much spotless. It was an excellent representation of compassion, relationships, and a mother’s love for a daughter. But after Nyx transformed things got a little iffy.
I was confused by Nyx’s actions in general. I understand her transformation changed her somewhat but obviously not enough to make her forget that she was happier before all of the shit went down and while I could understand some initial confusion and attempting to act evilly for a while, I don’t understand why she continued to keep up the charade for so long when she so very obviously wasn’t enjoying it. Making a dumb decision is one thing but sticking with it for so long, even when it’s obviously hurting you to do so, when it’s fully in your power to reverse it, is quite another. Nyx’s character also seemed to waver at this point which made me wonder whether Nyx had actually matured into a new NMM or if she was just still Nyx trying to PLAY NMM. In either case, her actions didn’t always add up with either idea, shifting occasionally back and forth. To sum up, Nyx’s actions in the second half seemed fairly inconsistent.
My biggest problem was the cop-out antagonist, however. I was actually pretty okay with the idea of Spell Nexus and the cult just being wacko, evil guys. After all, for how much I love the “Equestria is paradise” interpretation, there are always going to be bad seeds. But when it turned out to be just “Old” Nightmare Moon’s hate infecting him and all of the ponies, it basically took away a ton of the depth from the story, placing blame not on any character or being, suggesting that evil and jealousy does not come from within or from one’s own flaws, but from magical clouds of smoke. It really lessened the impact of what was going on and took basically all the blame away from any tangible character. I felt the story really lost a lot of weight and emotion as a result.
These are some of the issues I had with the story. There are a few more, but they aren’t nearly as big. Still, like I said, it’s by no means a BAD story, I just think most of Pen Stroke’s others are better.
A great many of you are going to have to get over the fact that some of us *do* have good reasons for not liking Past Sins. Seriously, get over it. There is no such thing as popular entertainment that everybody likes. If you can't handle that, tough cookies for you.
ReplyDeleteAnd don't try to make excuses about how we never explain why. I've certainly explained why, once in this very thread. Dusty the Royal Janitor immediately above has explained why. So have others. Yet you keep ignoring all of that and pretending it's just mindless hate.
And while we're on the subject of explaining why, how come you folks get a pass on explaining why you *do* like it? I think it has problems with poorly written and redundant prose. Dusty makes a good case on how the characterization is badly inconsistent. How can you like it in spite of these rather serious problems?
@ShadeTail
ReplyDeletePlease leave me out of this. I don't need to get caught up in this civil war going on here. I'm strictly at middle ground here.
@Dyxid
ReplyDeleteI still don't buy the whole "Nyx is ultra Mary-sue"
1. Yes she's powerful. Ridiculously so. But she's the reincarnation of Nightmare Moon. A Goddess on the level or exceeding Celestia (Cannon in FIM). Even as a filly she's going to be quite powerful. When she regains all of her memories and power, then of course she's going to be able to do what she did 1000 years before.
2. She's a child. AJ and Rarity have little sisters the same age, so I can't see them not liking her. Fluttershy would adore her, and Pinkie the same. Dash is the only one who I could see going 'meh'. The CMC would befriend her because she's the relative of their big sisters friend.
Might have been a little overly loving though, I can't remember .
3. The entire story revolves around Nyx coming to life, and taking Equestria when she regains her power/memory.
Most of the arguments about her Mary-Sueness can be dismissed by her being the literal reincarnation of Nightmare Moon.
Story had a few problems near the end, like Nyx's reason to keep going. Would have been a simple enough change to change over to "This is what I wanted, isn't it?" And make it an internal struggle about what she thinks she wants (NMM part wants conquest, Nyx part wants happy fun time). The whole "This is what's expected of me" didn't sit well.
But over all, it's still well above average for a fanfiction. I don't care that people dislike it or not, that's up to them, personal preference and all that jazz. I'm just sick too death of hearing "OMG MARY-SUE LOL" "WORSE THING EVER" "IT'S FUCKING TERRIBLE", and sick of hearing "OmG BEST EVER" "NYX IS THE AWESOMEST".
On the ride back, the brown colt was fascinated by all he saw, like a newborn just discovering the world. >>> Ok, WAY TOO MUCH happened in that paragraph from chapter 1. That was a fantastic opportunity for characterization that was epically dodged.
ReplyDeleteGreat story, well written, kinda too silly but that's the whole point. It's a really well-done crossover and I can't help but call it that despite it having had ALL the other tags this site uses.
And so while Pinkie Pie explained her plight >> This kind of narration really breaks the flow, it's literally a fade-out in the middle of dialogue. There are better ways to accomplish that, I generally suggest narrating the listener's reactions to specific story points and leave implicit the "and so Speaker brought Listener up to speed" part.
ReplyDeleteThen she looked at Pinkie, who was doing her best to look heartbroken. >>> Great opportunity for a heart-melting description that was skipped...
I really enjoyed how you narrated Angel though. :)
This really is a perfect spoof of Past Sins. We even have an argument about Past Sins in the comments section.
ReplyDeleteAnywho, to comment on the story at hand, I am thoroughly enjoying this so far. "Bush Diver" left me cackling in laughter and the whole premise is so ludicrous and silly it's brilliant. There is so much comedic potential here, I just can't wait to see where this goes.
@violetclm
ReplyDeleteI'm glad I'm not the only one who caught that reference :-)
@shadefox
ReplyDeleteI'd rather not go into a huge tangent after I said I wouldn't do that here, but Nyx is problematic to me on a conceptual level, which is why my opinion of Past Sins is akin to picking the book off of a shelf, reading the premise on the back cover, and putting the book back on the shelf because I found it on to be personally unappealing/uninteresting. Which is hardly wrong, given how many folks here immediately skip over fics with certain tags (like grimdark or shipping) and then there's people here who don't read fanfiction *at all*. (They even have a button to make it easier to avoid.)
I can't judge the story as a whole obviously, and my issues are limited to the details I know, of which those details are enough of a deterrent for me due to my particular tastes and views.
To be perfectly honest, I would have probably been far more lenient (even interested) if certain things had been different, like Nyx only vaguely being related to Nightmare Moon (or better, not at all) as opposed to actually *being* her as I'm very iffy about OCs being related to (or secretly being in this case) canon characters, and of course making her anything other than an alicorn would have given Nyx a chance simply because she wouldn't have automatically broken "rule 1". (I'm sure it would have been easy to keep her magically inclined without making her an "uber-corn" as well, or at least it could have been believably written.)
For whatever praise the story gets (and the fandom Nyx has), I find Past Sins to be a reminder of how to do OCs wrong, but "wrong" by my standards. If other people liked it, that's fine, I'm not here to tell people to "stop liking things I don't like", I'm just telling you why I'll never like it as much as you do (or rather, not at all).
@Dyxid
ReplyDeleteOCs are just original characters. They're not some kind of avatar of the author or anything. As long as they can make it interesting, rules can be broken. At least that's how I see it.
SO MUCH ARGUMENTS
ReplyDeleteUgh... I just wanted to see people's reactions to the fic, not hear a debate over another.
Sorry.
Anyways, I liked this. It made me laugh quite a bit, and I will definitely add this to my "watching" folder.
@Dusty the Royal Janitor
ReplyDelete...? Beg your pardon? You posted your opinion, so you've involved yourself, and I have every right to react to it one way or another. The cow, as they say, is out of the barn, and it's way too late for you to try closing the door.
@DeRockProject
ReplyDeleteMy rules apply even if an OC isn't a self-insert, I even specified as much. ("Regardless if a character is original or self-inserted...")
I'm not saying that writers *can't* make OC ponies/self-inserts, or that such characters have to be weaklings that nobody cares about or notices, only that one should avoid "over-doing it" because it's too easy to sour a reader's impression of such characters (and by extension, the story) even before they have a chance to prove themselves.
I didn’t even look closely enough at the picture to notice at first, when I got to “Dyx” I was like, “you’ve got to be fucking kidding me…”
ReplyDeleteBut I finally got it as I continued to read the description.
So anyway, props to you MetalGearSamus. You have no fucking shame, but this is easily the most hilarious thing I’ve seen on EqD.
"A little brown Earth filly finds himself"
ReplyDeleteI think the word you're looking for is foal.
@ShadeTail
ReplyDeleteI offered some criticism to an author who asked me for some. That's all I was trying to do.
I would respectfully ask that you, nor anybody else, use me as a citation in your little ongoing war. If people want to talk directly to ME about my opinion I am glad to discuss it rationally. But I don't want people randomly showing up and yelling at me about my criticism because somebody misrepresented and twisted my opinion as evidence to support their own argument.
Also at this point I feel sorry for poor MetalGearSamus because we've basically jacked the entire comment section of his rather entertaining story. So maybe we should all just drop it now.
ReplyDeleteSorry about that, MGSamus.
Haha oh my god.
ReplyDeleteI've never read Past Sins, before. When I saw this, I looked at the eye-searing picture, assumed "Oh god this is going to be a "LOLRANDOMCHEESE" mary-sue fic, isn't it? It's got the premise and everything, this is going to be TERRIBLE." And filed it under "STUPID OC FIC"
And then I read it and I loved it and laughed.
I can't wait for the next chapter.
Rodger Rodger's probably my favorite of the guards. The whole story is funny, but the Catch-22 reference made me absolutely lose it. Not only that, but you turned that reference into a plot device. Well played, my friend, well played.
ReplyDeleteHow in the hell did I not see this when it was posted?
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI really liked this story. I can't wait for more chapters. I love litte Dyx. Great jod MetalGearSamus. This was the first MLP fic I that I'ev read, but Defently not last. <3
ReplyDeleteSo far, the story looks good. I experienced a lot of confusion trying to figure out who was talking in the first part of the prologue (and chaos is not really intended for the reader to experience in this way :p ), but the rest went smoothly.
ReplyDeleteI very much like the idea of putting a very humorous spin on Past Sins, and so far Pinkie Pie had done an excellent job. The way you treat Gummy and Angel (especially Gummy) is also quite hilarious.
For the future chapters, I'd be very interested to witness PP-FS shenanigans, and of course, an improvement over Past Sins, regarding the villains.
You see, like Dusty said, having brainwashed goons for villains just doesn't cut it, there must be some more motivations and personality behind them for them to be acceptable. So, even in their state, you should let each of them shine for what they are, a mixture of what they were, plus the chaos that was instilled onto them. That way, something enjoyable will come out ^^
Please keep up the good work! And if you think it won't be good enough, do it anyway, do it for practice, do it for fun, do it for yourself alone if anything, dammit! But please continue this promising work :)
Needs Omar chapters
ReplyDeleteMoar* dangit autocorrect
ReplyDelete"He tore through the kitchen’s cupboards and pantry, stuffing any and all food he could find into his mouth. Cereal, bread, hay, oats, flowers, flower, milk, sugar, baking soda, vanilla, butter, raw eggs—shells and all—cream, carrots, celery, lettuce, broccoli, cauliflower, potatoes, mushrooms, avocados, apples, apricots, peaches, plumbs, pears, oranges, grapes, grapefruits, raspberries, blackberries, blueberries, bananas, a bunny, and—wait—a bunny!?"
ReplyDeleteIt's official: This is definitely gonna be one of the best things I've ever read.
is this dead? that makes me a saaaad panda.
ReplyDelete@meta ridley
ReplyDeleteNot dead, just delayed. I've had a lot to do in Real Life recently. But don't worry, more is coming, just...slowly.
Yes! Alright ya! I can wait forever if you need me to!
ReplyDelete@MetalGearSamus
ReplyDeleteOhh, ok, i understand. Can't tell you how excited i am to hear that, i love this story.
OH GOD MY LUNGS. MY LUUUUNGS.
ReplyDelete@Jesse The power of Voodoo.
ReplyDeleteWho do?
You do!
Do what?
Remind me of the babe!
THIS sound familiar....
ReplyDeleteWoah woah woah. Did this just update?!?! HELL YEAH!
ReplyDelete