Author: BronyNeumo
Description: Sometimes, when you've lost so much, when everything you do seems to come out wrong, and when you don't feel like anything but a failure, it can seem like there is no other option but to give up.All Links after the break!
But when one pony feels so lost, so inconsolable, so forlorn, that she makes a life-changing decision that almost leaves her shattered forever, it is up to her friends to bring her back.
When you lose something that you can't replace, when you love someone but it goes to waste, and when the tears come streaming down your face, is there anyone who you can turn to...
To Fix You Part 1
To Fix You Part 2
To Fix You Part 3
To Fix You Part 4
To Fix You Part 5
To Fix You Part 6
Additional Tags: Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Twilight Sparkle
[Sad][Dark][Shipping]
Author: BronyNeumo
Description: It has been several months since the fateful suicide attempt of a certain cyan pegasus. For Rainbow Dash, her new Marefriend Applejack, and the rest of Ponyville, life has returned to whatever semblance of normality they have previously grown accustomed to. However, when a mysterious stranger appears in town, it seems time to remember that things sometimes can be too good to be true. When confronted with hm, two mares will face a life-changing decision; a decision that could rip them apart no matter how strong the bonds of their relationship were forged. For some ponies, forgiveness is easy. For others, it proves hard to let go. He is a polarizing figure; a stallion who few in Ponyville remember, and those who do mostly wish to forget. His arrival begs the age-old question that is always posed when uncertainty rears its ugly head: What if? What if? What if?What If? Part 1
What If? Part 2
What If? Part 3
What If? Part 4
What If? Part 5
What If? Part 6
What If? Part 7
What If? Part 8 (New!)
Additional Tags: Appledash acceptance family separation psychological unrest
185 comments:
Fanfic based on Coldplay song?
ReplyDeleteIM IN.
sounds interesting
ReplyDeletesecond?
Seems like it would be worth a shot.
ReplyDeleteCOLDPLAY!! DEAR CELESTIA a fanfic base off of a coldplay song? I'm skeptical, but I'll read this. Just because of that reference.
ReplyDeleteAndd I will tryyyyy to fix you!
ReplyDeleteDon't want to read. Have to read anyways. Add it to the queue.
ReplyDeleteIsn't this the third one of these already?
ReplyDeleteLove those additional tags. Very informative.
ReplyDeleteSo is this gona be a multi parter, or is the 'incomplete' tag there for a sequel or somthing.
ReplyDeleteCause I hate reading the first part of a story without the second.
Another "Rainbow Dash fails and attempts suicide" fic, but nonetheless I still like it. BronyNeumo never seems to fail.
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to the rest of it, I can already feel the sad building up.
@Pascoite
ReplyDeleteAs long as it's enjoyable, i don't care.
I like how it reads:
ReplyDelete"When you lose something that you can't replace, when you love someone but it goes to waste, and when the tears come streaming down your face, is there anyone who you can turn to..."
and then tags answer:
"Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Twilight Sparkle"
It also scared me a little, I mean, serious pony here.
Lol, Coldplay came to mind just as i read the name of the story.
ReplyDeleteWhat's with all the Dash attempting/committing suicide fanfics?
ReplyDelete@Flutteryay
ReplyDeleteProbably cause the beings that put on the toughest face have the weakest insides.
@Flutteryay
ReplyDeletethat and Dash hates losing. Seeing as she lost the one most important thing to her, canon-wise, you can make it to where she's suicidal.
not too difficult.
@wackyteen
ReplyDeleteWow man that's deep
@wackyteen
ReplyDeleteDeep bro, real deep
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete[Sad][Dark][Shipping]
ReplyDeleteHAHAHA NOPE NOT FALLING FOR THAT ONE AGAIN
[Sad][Dark][Shipping]
ReplyDeleteAll it needs is comedy and it will have my favoritest tag combo ever.
Still probably not going to read yet another Dash shipping that has little to set it apart. Might read if nothing else to read.
Interesting idea. The beginning is rather rough, though. It comes across decidedly forced, even absurd as a result. In short, the description of Rainbow Dash' state of mind could be better.
ReplyDeleteEh...the writing's pretty good (Except the opening paragraph, which I felt was a little repetitious/long-winded) but I feel like I've read this exact same story once before.
ReplyDeleteNot just "Rainbow Dash fails the Wonderbolts tryouts" but "Rainbow Dash fails the Wonderbolts tryouts, has a dark past with her parents, tries to kill herself, Applejack comes to the resuce."
@Farnor The three first sentences are from the song lyrics.
ReplyDeleteIs Rainbow Dash feeling like she's stuck in reverse?
ReplyDeleteThis Coldplay song is going to be in my head the rest of the day now.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure how to feel about this fic right now. On one hoof, of all the "Rainbow attempts suicide" fics I've read, I haven't read one where another main character gets just as badly hurt as she does. That adds a layer of interest, and I'm certainly going to read part two so I can learn poor Fluttershy's fate. And just think of all the angst-ridden possibilities that can be played with now that Dash has caused one of her best friends some pretty grievous injury...
But on the other hoof, I think the entire opening with Rainbow was all a bit too angsty. I'm all for a good pity-party, but the intro was taking it to another level. And the introduction of "the accident" is really quite sudden. I feel like it was only added to give Rainbow even more of a reason to plummet to her doom, just a device to make her mental state even more wrecked. Maybe it's just because I have so much trouble seeing Rainbow going suicidal over one failed tryout?
I do feel like this fic has potential, though. I'll wait and see for part two before I give a rating.
wow... this is a really dang good story. really well written. hope to see more soon.
ReplyDeleteSorry. Just can't suspend disbelief. The vast majority of people who seriously attempt suicide are severely clinically depressed, suffering from an extreme chemical imbalance, suffering from a genetic anomaly in the brain, or dealing with extreme deep rooted emotional trauma.
ReplyDeleteI could believe self destructive behavior in general, or contemplations of suicide, but a serious attempt at suicide is more of a hurdle than I can take seriously.
I have my own opinions on suicide, and they run parallel with DPV111. At the same time, I've read the chapter and I really hope there's more coming.
ReplyDeleteColdplay!
ReplyDeleteGOD FUCKING DAMNIT LEROY! YOU DON'T POST SOMETHING LIKE THIS HALF FINISHED!
ReplyDelete@A Weary Exile
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure I know the exact fic you're talking about. However, that one hasn't updated in fucking forever, so what can ya do?
@La Barata
ReplyDeleteHalf finished? This is only the first chapter! I have about 5 planned...
And no. I like the element of suspense. It creates a better story, at least in my opinion, to anticipate what happens next.
After all, what are cliffhangers for?
This story is great so far! Keep on writing 'em, please.
ReplyDeleteJust wondering, how did Fluttershy end up under Dash when she was trying to fly up? Not that I have any problem with it, but why hurt Fluttershy more?! D:
(Anyways, keep up the good work! :P)
@RDash
ReplyDeleteFluttershy fle up underneath Rainbow Dash.
She was below her and upside down when she caught her.
She fell with rainbow on top of her, and spread her wings to slow the fall.
She was always underneath, it was all she was able to do.
@Brony Neumo
ReplyDeleteAh, makes sense, thanks! (poor Fluttershy)
I'll be on the lookout for more of this story!
Pfff, I don't think this is a believable story. Rainbow would'nt react like this. She would be more angry than sad and would try to find out what gone wrong. And she would try to kill this pony who beat her.
ReplyDeleteHaving written a fic inspired by this same song, I really want to read this. Very powerful song.
ReplyDeleteThis is the third SuicideDash fic I've read. Feels bad man. Makes me soul hurt.
ReplyDeleteI need a advice dog thing w/ Dash that sez:
ReplyDelete"FAIL WONDERBOLTS TRYOUT
ATTEMPT SUICIDE"
@mycutiemarkisagun
ReplyDeleteI have to agree.
@mycutiemarkisagun
ReplyDeletehttp://imageshack.us/f/825/dashfail.jpg/
@BlueSpirit
ReplyDelete@timber
@DPV111
I've always seen the toughness and the braveness that rainbow normally exhibits as a very well-constructed facade that hides the inner turmoil within. We see evidence of that in the show when she breaks down during "The Sonic Rainboom" episode. That being said, one thing I enjoy doing is exploring the mind and the past to delve into this emotional state.
With this in mind, I set out to create a story that featured somewhat of an explanation of why she did what she did. The combination of watching her parents die in a housefire (which I think would be pretty sufficient deep-rooted emotional trauma), and losing her greatest dream proved too much for her to handle.
The losing parents to a housefire thing isn't new, I did it before with "Memories and Matrimony", but this time I wanted to explore it to a greater depth. Especially because this story places her at the house when it happens instead of off in Cloudsdale. I imagine that beign exposed to such trauma at such a young age would force Rainbow to grow up pretty fast, and I think we can see from the show that she seemingly did have to grow up fast. The tough facade, in this case, would have been born out of a tough early life. The trauma would also serve to desensitize her to the plight of other ponies, which would explain both why she seems rather aloof when it comes to others' emotional issues in the show (See Dragonshy), and why she goes through with her suicide plans with nary a thought to how others would be affected in this story.
Essentially, losing the Wonderbolts tryout was the straw that broke the camel's back. The deep-rooted emotional trauma came from losing her parents violently at a young age, running away from home and growing up in Cloudsdale without a family. The one thing that would have kept her going through those years would have been her dream at joining the Wonderbolts and achieving personal glory, but once she lost that, she was driven over the edge.
I curious to what will happen next, but poor Fluttershy! At least I can be proud of what she did.
ReplyDeleteUggh. Why you no post complete story? The lack of closure is excruciating.
ReplyDelete@ZAquanimusjeez,Sethisto,do you have anything to post that is not grimdark?
ReplyDeleteI watch it,get the fact for the millionth time rainbow dash stinks,
(bored yaaaaaaaaaay)
/intrigued. More please!
ReplyDeleteI'm a bit torn on this one. For one, you've crafted a backstory that works pretty well in combining the "Dash's toughness is a facade" fanon idea with the canon events of Sonic Rainboom. I can legitimately buy that someone with that much trauma hidden underneath could break emotionally when their coping mechanism was shattered.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, even though you've done a better job then most have with the concept, Dashpression due to failing the Wonderbolts has been pretty frequently covered over the past couple months or so; and even though you admit as much, the backstory you've given Rainbow is almost uncomfortably close to the one she had in Confessions.
Another issue I have with this one is the massive amount of infodump towards the beginning of the story; and, more importantly, how it is done.
Basically as it is written in the story, Dash thinks about something in her past, then the story flashes back to it, then she thinks about it again without a flashback, then she starts saying it out loud for a couple of paragraphs. I understand that it was an attempt to have the reader see what was going through Dash's mind and how she beginning to show signs of a breakdown before it ultimately happened, but the way it was presented was not very cohesive.
Overall, I'm gonna hold off on rating this one for now. The pieces are all in place to make a really strong story, especially if you can keep everyone of the Mane Six from being a walking Deus Ex Machina like they usually end up being in these sorts of stories (and I will say that, from what I've seen, it doesn't look like you going to do that); but I'm curious how they are going to be utilized.
This was and truly is sad it made me cry knowing that Rainbow Dash wanted to kill herself and Fluttershy risking her own skin to save her friend and both being on the brink of death with Applejack and Pinkie Pie there to save them.
ReplyDelete@TenchiFreak5
ReplyDeleteYou are as straight-forward and brutally honest as ever in your review, Tenchi.
To address your first point, yes, her backstory is close to the one she had in Confessions. It is that way on purpose.
The reason is this: I have created a backstory for almost every character (except for Pinkie and Twilight, because their stories are pretty well-documented in the show). But for Rarity, Fluttershy, Applejack, and especially Rainbow Dash, I found that the show left a lot of room for improvisation with their stories. So, I have created a rather detailed backstory for each of these four characters. I believe some call it a "head-canon".
The individual backstories I create are part of my view of each character. So, whenever I write a story that requires a backstory for one of the characters, I automatically use the one I created for them. In the case of "The Applejoy Series" and now: "To Fix You", both fics feature backstories.
Now, I'm not going to change my backstory for a character with every new story. My backstories stay the same, because if I changed them, I would literally change my view of the character.
So my backstories for these characters are going to stay much the same between the two fanfics. When Applejack's past and parts of Futtershy's past are mentioned in later chapters, they're going to be much the same as in "Confessions".
I acknowledge the infodump, but I needed to get that information accross, and I saw no better way of doing so. Setting up the necessary preconditions for a fic is always difficult for me.
Overall, I'm glad for your constructive criticism (it's so much better than: "I hate this fic because Rainbow would never kill herself!!!11!1!1!1"), and I will keep striving to improve my technique.
Although, if comments on DA are enough to go by, I think you and everypony else will like Chapter 2 much more... (According to Seth, Chapter 2 is "in the update queue")
This Comment May Very Well Contain Spoilers. It's a Shot In The Dark Post, So I Dunno.
ReplyDelete@Brony Neumo
I had actually sorta guessed that something along those lines was the cause of the similarity. However, my reasoning wasn't at all "the backstories are similar so they are bad," so I hope I didn't give that impression. By itself, I don't have a problem with it.
It was more along the lines of "the backstories are similar so it may be hard to understand why Dash is so fragile when she wasn't like that in Confessions."
Or, put another way, using a similar foundation for this story brings some questions regarding the suspension of disbelief simply because of the preconceived notions put in place by reading that story first. Which I suppose could be construed as being my problem rather than a problem with the story.
That's not what actually bothers me the most though. What does is the similarity of Fluttershy's backstory that you alluded to, because if by that you mean that her and Rainbow will have a similar combined backstory to what they had in Confessions than I think you will have a real hard time realistically writing for Fluttershy in this one when she would supposedly have known all along about Dash's broken emotional state; not to mention trying to keep the whole thing from running afoul of canon.
Now, I may just be telling you something you already know and/or bringing something up that doesn't actually ring true, but Fluttershy's role in the story already sorta worries me for that reason, and now I'm actually more worried about it than I was when I made my first post about it. I suppose I'll see what Chapter 2 brings before I comment further, though.
Part 2 sends me to part 1 link. Please fix.
ReplyDeletePart 2 sends me to part 1.
ReplyDeletePart 2 link
ReplyDeleteY U SEND ME TO PART 1?!
Seth
Y U NO FIX?!
Must. Have. second. half...!
Uh, Seth, you done derped the second link.
ReplyDeleteHere's a deviant art link: http://BronyNeumo.deviantart.com/art/To-Fix-You-Chapter-2-262508054
ReplyDelete@benjamin Thanks!
ReplyDeleteOmg, Fic based of Fix You? I don't know if I can stand it after having recently read My Little Dashie...
ReplyDeleteThe title's funny, 'cuz It felt like I was the one who really needed to be fixed from reading that sad, sad story..
ReplyDeleteDamn! So many Dashies trying to kill themselves lately! What's with the sudden depression? Anyhoof, waiting patiently for chapter three. (Chapter seemed a bit short to Trevor...)
ReplyDelete~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria
Holy crap son, that's deep.
ReplyDeleteAnd those spies came out of the water
ReplyDeleteAnd you're feeling so bad cause you know.
And those spies hide out in every corner,
But you can't touch them no.
Cause they're all spies.
Keep up the references!
Choose between the sea of pain and the land of Equestria behind you? Nope. Trick question. Choose the hole in your heart above.
ReplyDeletePeople saying that Dash getting depressed after failing a Wonderbolts tryout...
ReplyDelete(Throws down notebook)
DAMN!
@Brony Neumo
ReplyDeleteI also enjoy psychological analysis and I'm going to have to agree with you,
also...
Whats up with everyone saying "another" Dash suicide fic. This ones the only one I've seen and I'm not exactly new to the fandom.
If there is prior suicide, please provide a link.
ReplyDeletei am outraged that this story that i am in no way obligated to read and you are in no way obligated to make in the first place has not updated in a manner convenient for me!
ReplyDeletebut srsly, make moar, this is good stuff and i can't wait for the next update
Bwuh... bwuh... ;-;
ReplyDeleteOh please no not Fluttershy...
ReplyDeleteI threw up at the very notion of what I just read... I need to go pray...
ReplyDelete@Magnanimous Hell, you need to go to church.
ReplyDelete@Magnanimous Shut up, okay? I don't need any of your crap right now. Just shut up, and leave me alone.
ReplyDelete@Magnanimous P*ssy.
ReplyDelete@Magnanimous I said LEAVE ME ALONE GODDAMMIT!
ReplyDelete@bronyneumo:
ReplyDeleteI have exactly one problem with this fic so far:
As soon as a patient flat lines, the emergency personal will be there within 20 seconds (hopefully).
Other than that, keep up le good work.
@GoldenArbiter
ReplyDeleteThere actually is an explanation for why there are no medical ponies, but you'll have to wait for chapter 4.
Okay... this isn't going to be a fake-out where it turns out that was some OTHER yellow pony under that wrapping, is it?
ReplyDelete@AlanJCastonguay
ReplyDeleteWell I know only of these two...
http://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/06/story-lackluster_23.html
And
http://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/08/story-shattered-rainbow.html
Haven't read 'Shattered Rainbow' myself yet, and Lacklustre was never completed though unless there are others it doesn't look like this trope is as common as some of the comments have made it out to be.
Fuller thoughts later, as I need to get to sleep, but with having only read the first two chapters and not being able to touch on the finer details, I think the story is coming along nicely so far. I don't have problems with the first chapter being "angsty" considering what it was trying to depict and unlike 'Lacklustre' it does so with consistent tone and proper pacing. (I particularly liked the touch where Pinkie nervously says "One hoof in front of the other..." to leave off the first chapter.) And I do have to compliment the attempts at descriptive language, which so far don't appear to be over long to me, but I'll think on it for later.
The big thing though is that this story is doing a better job of depicting the action as it happens than the 'Confessions and Considerations' tetralogy, which I thought the first part did well, but the subsequent parts were a bit weaker.
Rarity, shut your fucking mouth.
ReplyDeleteRainbow Dash lost ALL of her family, you still have a sister and relatives.
Honestly I feel that Dash has it harder because everything she cared about went up in flames, and now she got rejected AGAIN from the Wonderbolts.
Fluttershy died saving Dash? Rarity pins the blame completely on Dash.
I am not a Dash hater but, they should of let her die.
It was her decision and should of gone with it, to live in eternal peace with her parents in (Pony???) heaven and leave all her troubles down below.
I'm sorry but Rarity needs to haul her ass into a burning shitpile.
The scientist for #3
ReplyDeleteAnd spies for #2
ReplyDeleteI love coldplay
Both Rarity and Applejack lost their parents and have siblings. I am glad that we were presented with these two distinct reactions, both are real.
ReplyDeleteNice use of 4 verbs at the tail end of chapter 3.
Imma go be sick now.
And then Dash woke up. -.-
ReplyDeleteI just got lost.
ReplyDeleteEvery river that I tried to cross.
Every door I ever tried was locked.
Oh and I'm just waiting 'til the shine wears off.
Now, please, please, please tell me the heart monitor just malfunctioned or something. Please. Or that Applejack's abscence and Rainbow instinctively knowing where to go, and her relative lack of pain indicate a dream... a horrible dream.
This story is doing a great job at making me cry. I had to clean my glasses and blow my nose several times. We were both inspired by the same song, and you're taking this farther than I dared, and I really am loving this story.
this... this is such a sad story... **tears form up in eyes** oh please... please let it be a dream... I don't want another cupcakes incident...
ReplyDelete> le new chapter
ReplyDeleteMANLY
FUCKING
TEARS
> le new chapter.
ReplyDeleteMy emotions, take all of them.
I like the clues you've left which imply something... 'more'... happening during that chapter. And if I interpreted them as they were meant to be, then there's a pretty good chance that Fluttershy heard Dash's words before she went.
ReplyDeleteNot to mention that she was smiling in the title image. It looked like she was glad to do what she did for Dash and has no regrets. Once I thought of that, I "d'awww"ed big time.
Though it'll be more painful to watch Rarity now (here's hoping you look after her character and don't simply go for making her a "bitter bitch").
I'll admit, the first chapter made me go "meh" and I decided to see what will happen to Fluttershy before judging. However, the other two chapters were enjoyable.
Gonna follow this to the end now.
What I think:
ReplyDeleteFluttershy dies.
Rainbow Dash actually kills herself for real now.
Just an idea, not sure if that will happen....
NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO
ReplyDeleteNO YOU WILL NOT KILL FLUTTERSHY!!!
I also have a prediction for a song
ReplyDeleteGreen Eyes for the chapter when Dash is thinking about or talking to Apple Jack
The art of spoiling major plot points, but then presenting them in the story in a way that makes you realize that they were spoiled in a way completely different from what you expected.
ReplyDelete@TenchiFreak5
ReplyDeleteHey, I didn't ask Seth to make that picture the main one. I was actually hoping for a Fanart section that said: "Warning; Spoliers".
But this works too...
@Brony Neumo
ReplyDeleteHey, no problem here. Once I got over the freak out that came from realizing that the story was going to get a hell of a lot more depressing (perhaps) than I originally thought and that I had to read it because I had already started it, I actually thought it was pretty clever.
Reminded me of Past Sins spoiling all of the major plot points with its preview image, but not actually spoiling them.
Though it did seem to have the effect of driving some people away from the story, my freaking out about the picture on a forum also got someone there to read it, so now I got someone to talk about it with.
Swallowed in the Sea
ReplyDeleteManly tears. I am shedding them.
ReplyDeleteHuh? Buh? Wha?
ReplyDeleteHeh, I feel awkward now.
Let's see I've been following this story since it first popped up. So what do I owe you?
ReplyDeleteFirst my opinions. All of them. Chapter 1 was okay, if a little cliche. Chapter 2 was good. Chapter 3 went more cliche'd and chapter 4 was much better. Though, if Applejack makes any more "I statements" I might take that back.
Next up, be careful with the dead parents trope. That's three sets so far. One more and you'll have earned yourself some complimentary steak-knives.
Now as to why I'm reading, I really like Coldplay. And games. So this whole guess the song thing, even if it is a bit obvious, is fun. That and I'm waiting for you to get to the happy ones. In particular Viva La Vida and Strawberry Swing. If it goes the other way, there's always Death and All His Friends.
I'm a depressive. I've been through some rough times in the past. I like reading Rainbow Dash fails suicide fics because I always identified with her. Yours is my favourite though. You also get a tentative award for best writing, on the condition you improve your characterization of Rarity. And stop using said bookisms. Seriously, you can just leave the dialogue and let the readers figure out the inflection. Sometimes. Particularly egregious in that regard was the end of chapter 3.
Wow. My writing has suddenly gone minimalistic. For the record. I like this story. You've got obvious potential to be a really great writer, there's just a few key things you need to stop doing.
I feel like I would be more moved by this story if the dialogue was better written. Something about the tone just seems off, and several of AJs walls of dialogue needed to be broken up a bit more. There's something stilted and unnatural about the way ponies talk to each other in this.
ReplyDeleteCh4: First half of AJ's story has bad pacing. And the accent shifts around strangely, sometimes heavy and sometimes absent entirely. Second half better.
ReplyDeleteThis is stupid. This is so, so stupid. A shipping story, between two character of...this show? That is the most retarded idea I have ever imagined. I can't read this. I should feel ashamed of myself for even clicking that link. God I hope no one's looking over my shoulder.
ReplyDelete^That is what I was thinking in the later part of the story, but it was mostly from the circumstances. Don't take it to heart. This is one of the better ships on this site. If I wasn't thinking like this I'd undoubtedly enjoy it hugely. Thanks for not killing Fluttershy.
I figured as much. It never made any sense to me that AJ wasn't there when Rainbow woke up, and that was the immediate conclusion I came to.
ReplyDeleteAnyways, I'll have to parrot the criticisms above, particularly the bit regarding AJ's dialog. Neither of these two are characters that I feel are particularly fond of word dumps in conversation, regardless of the situation.
Now, I certainly think Dash deserves a little leeway in that regard because of how much of a wreck she currently is, so her basically fighting herself to keep from dumping all of her problems on AJ's lap makes a certain amount of sense. But while AJ is certainly emotional and talking about something that definitely bothers her, I don't think that would be enough by itself to change her speech patterns that much; and AJ doing that is the cause of almost all of the dialog cohesion problems in this chapter.
Also, while I did like a few of the said bookisms added for a couple of lines of dialog in this chapter, I also agree that you are still leaning on them them way too hard; and for the most part the dialog you've written (even if it can be improved) makes them redundant.
@TenchiFreak5
ReplyDeleteDialogue is certainly one of my main stumbling blocks. I think the biggest problem here i that this chapter required so much of it...
I'm going to have to work on those bookisms...
And on AJ's long-winded parts.. I felt that they, while slightly obtrusive to the flow of the story, were ultimately neccessary because they are basically the only way to convey such important plot points as (for example) AJ's story. There really isn't a way for her to tell her story to Dash without a big text-dump.
It's all well and good to tell a story, but if the only way you can do so is through an exposition dump, then consider just cutting it out.
ReplyDeleteReaders are smart people. They'll fill in the gaps. There's a reason real novels don't have long, one-sided conversations from characters who are usually the soul of brevity.
So the dialogue is a little off so what? At least some bronys on this board are taking the time to actually write these storys that I am sure The Hub will definately NOT air on the actual show especially not on a TV-Y E/I show like MLP. Keep it coming looking foreward to Chapter 5!
ReplyDeleteOh and Thanks for taking the time out of your busy day to write these stories.
ReplyDeleteI like this fic. I don't agree with the others that it has bad pacing. For me, it flowed seamlessly. Can't wait for chapter 5!
ReplyDeleteGreat fic well done, loving it so far, Keep up the good work cant wait for chapter 5
ReplyDeleteI have only one question about this fic:
ReplyDeleteWhy?
Why do you have to make Dash depressed? Why do you have to hurt, maim, or kill anypony? Why do you insist on making these sad, depressing stories?
U R RUINING THE WHOLE PURPOSE OF EQUESTRIA!!!! ;_;
Seriously, I know this story comes closer to a real-life situation, but isn't the lack of realism exactly what makes Equestria so attractive?
Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not hating on your fic. Yeah, I know it sounds like it, but I'm not. I can tell it's well-written and has a good plot just from reviewing the comments. I just can't figure out why so many people want to cause such diabetus-inducing depression when they write about ponies.
I thought part of the attraction of this show was the happy, unrealistic way in which everypony lived. So why go and turn that into depressing, tear-jerking, realistic dramas? I just. Don't. Get it.
If this is written from your life experiences, then may I express my deepest condolences.
Alright, I'll stop bashing. I DO admire the fact that you can turn out stuff like this. It's a real gift to be able to write a story that people like and can relate to. Don't let neighsayers like me dent your creativity or confidence! My kind will always be around to nitpick on something in your (or anybody else's) story, it's what critics do (though admittedly, I haven't actually read it).
I know I'm probably missing out on another excellent story, but I've sworn off heavy [sad] fics for a spell. My doctor tells me that if I keep reading this stuff at the rate I was reading it last month, I run a high risk of dying of a massive HNNNNNNG attack.
So she failed at her dream and she went all suicidal, but when she nearly killed her oldest friend she's not? You took a weak premise for suicide attempt, making your character extremely OOC to begin, then you actually give her a fully legit reason to be soul crushingly depressed, and she hasn't thrown herself into a thresher yet? It's hard for me to care about these characters and emotions when I have no ability to suspend disbelief at their actions.
ReplyDelete@DPV111 You missed several important points:
ReplyDelete- At the time, Dash felt that her Wonderbolt dream was all she had left after she lost her family. A "mistake".
- After that near-death experience thingy with the spies, she'd likely be having second thoughts about comitting suicide again.
- She vowed to make her life worthwhile after Fluttershy risked herself to save it.
- I don't know about you, but if my oldest friend's in hospital after my suicide attempt, I'd feel that trying again would be like a giant middle finger to them.
She'd be "broken", yes, but I doubt she'd be trying to kill herself again in the very near future.
I don't get it why people even post negative comments about sad stories.. No seriously, I don't get it.
ReplyDeleteI've read quite a few of these sad and grim stories, and they are.. I don't know, I'm just speechless.
I can't believe how people can come up with so well made stories and write with so much emotion. It's mindbogling to me.
People, who read these stories, and don't feel at least a bit sad, you are just insane. You aren't human anymore. I don't get the over criticism, those who do, are thinking too logically about everything without a hint of emotion.
And when you start to say "Equestria is supposed to be about happiness etc.", you prove yourself wrong by yourself alone. If everything is happy and ill-free of anything sad and bad things, the world isn't "real", as in there's basically no emotions.
i don't even know how to continue this rant anymore, I'm just so pissed off of people who think too rationally about these stories and how they are so called "related/canon'd" to the original MVP world..
Very good story, loved it. 5/5
Real is good and bad. Real has depth of character and a spectrum of emotions. Real is not always happy fun time; sometimes you have cupcakes, sometimes folks are depressed, sometimes angry or confused or lost or elated or worried, or even happy and excited or whatever. Lobatamizing a character to shield 3-year-olds is something that happens, sure, but this a manly work for critical thinkers, and we should accept nothing less than Real. In source material or derivitave works such as this.
ReplyDeleteI look forward to future installments of this journey- while it is sad, there is beauty in the pain.
It's not about reality vs fantasy for me. It's about the emotion itself and what purpose it serves.
ReplyDeleteThese types of fics are popular because they evoke powerful emotion. Many people enjoy the sensation. However there are many types of emotion that can be evoked by a story. These emotions can be positive in nature or negative in nature, yet equally powerful.
I, for one, discriminate when choosing what I want to be affected by. I vastly prefer the heart welling warmth of positive emotions than the gut wrenching ice of negative ones.
The bitersweet and negative emotions DO have their places in stories where they themselves are not the alpha and omega but rather merely plot devices to present a much larger tapestry of events.
But that is irrelevant in this case anyway. i do not have a problem with this story because it is sad. I have a problem with this story because it is stupid. Well written, powerful, meaningful, and stupid stupid stupid. I am pretty sure I would greatly enjoy this story if it starred a cast of characters I didn't already have familiarity with, and therefor absolutely no ability to consider the roles they have been assigned by the author even remotely believable.
@DPV111
ReplyDeleteOK. I see you're having issues with my portrayal of the pony characters who you know and love.
The major one would, of course, be Rainbow Dash. In your eyes, I've gone and made her an unstable, depression-racked, suicidal emotional wreck without any basis or reason, right?
Wrong.
If you tell me that you can't even remotely consider the roles of these characters believable, all that tells me is that you haven't really taken the time to think about the characters in the show. Instead of thinking about them, you just take them at face value.
So. Where is my basis, my reason, for making Rainbow Suicidal?
Let's take a look at several aspects from the show and also some real-world examples from psychology 101.
@DPV111
ReplyDeleteFirst, nowhere in the first season nor in the first three episodes of the second season is any reference made to Rainbow Dash's parents.
Now, if we want to start thinking about the character known as Rainbow Dash, this would be our starting point. With absolutely no mention of her parents, we have three choices to pick from.
1. Her parents are dead and she doesn't like talking about it.
2. Her parents are alive but that have a strained relationship that she doesn't like talking about.
3. Her parents are alive but aren't considered important enough to warrant mention in the show.
Now, if we choose to accept number 1, as I have, this opens up a whole new field of possibilities. But, no matter how we choose to say her parents died, the experience would be quite traumatizing to a young Rainbow Dash.
Let's look at an aspect of Rainbow Dash's personality. Her toughness and callousness towards emotions is well noted in many episodes.
If we choose to say that Rainbow Dash suffered the emotional trauma of losing her entire family at a young age (watching them burn to death in her childhood home, no less), then this tough attitude takes on a whole new meaning.
In the world of psychology, the vast majority of children who suffer massive emotional trauma at a young age grow up to feature very tough outer mental facades, built specifically to protect the weak, emotional, damaged inner person. Emotional trauma (in the real world, and especially on the scale of the trauma that I have given Rainbow Dash) is not something to be taken lightly, and one of its major symptoms is the construction of such an emotional barricade, or, tough facade.
The interesting thing is, Rainbow Dash's toughness features all the symptoms of such a facade, leading me to conclude that there is a real possibility of her being weak and emotional on the inside.
While we are on the topic of Rainbow Dash being weak and emotional on the inside, let's take a look at another example from in the show itself. Recall the episode "The Sonic Rainboom", remember when Rainbow Dash breaks down and finds herself crying "my life is ruined" and later shivering on the floor? Good. The examples of Rainbow Dash's emotions shown in this episode are perhaps the best evidence for the conjecture that she had a traumatized childhood. Her breakdown in this episode can be explained as her inner emotions breaking through that barrier of toughness during a time of great distress. This leads us right into my next point.
The Wonderbolts. Anyone who watches the show knows that joining them is her greatest dream. Yet, at the mere possibility of failing in a performance in front of them, Rainbow Dash breaks down and goes into an emotionally challenged mental state. Why?
Simple. Because, in my version of events, Rainbow Dash's dream of joining the Wonderbolts is what keeps her fighting to stay alive in the years after the tragic loss of her family.
In the world of psychology, such a dream is called a coping mechanism. It is essentially what keeps her going.
@DPV111
ReplyDeleteNow, fast forward to the events of my story, and we see that Rainbow Dash has failed at her Wonderbolts tryout and came in second place. In one fell swoop, the dream is gone, and more importantly, the coping mechanism is gone. With her best way of dealing with her depression yanked out from under her, emotions and trauma that Rainbow Dash had kept locked away fro years since the death of her parents is re-exposed. Add to this her own idea that she has failed at her greatest dream, and suddenly all the negative emotions, trauma, and stress she has held back comes crashing down on her at once.
In such a traumatic situation (what with her old wounds getting re-opened, the loss of her dreams and her family coming to bear and no coping mechanism to deal with it), it becomes entirely plausible, by psychological standards, that Rainbow Dash might do something drastic, in this case, attempt to commit suicide.
Now you might be saying "What about her friends, doesn't she care what they might think of her suicide?" The simple answer is: Go look at the episode "Dragonshy".
Fluttershy is afraid of the dragon, but does Rainbow Dash care? No. Rainbow Dash actively ignores her worries and tries to prevent her from joining them because she thinks Fluttershy will slow them down.
In short, Rainbow Dash is desensitized to the emotions of other ponies. She may be loyal when her friends are in physical danger, but she does not understand the emotional danger other ponies may face. This desensitization is another classic symptom of early childhood trauma.
Now, if she is desensitized, as evidenced by the show, then the logical conclusion is that she wouldn't stop to think about the emotional consequences of her action or the feelings of her friends.
So, there you have it. My emotional profile of Rainbow dash. Now, this is the important part of my whole spiel. My characterization is not the only plausible one, there are many other perfectly legitimate ways people could choose to view Rainbow Dash or any of the characters. This isn't an example of "my way or the highway", this is me explaining my reasoning.
ReplyDeleteI WILL BE THE FIRST ONE TO ADMIT THAT OTHER CHARACTERIZATIONS OF THE PONIES ARE ACCEPTABLE. My way is not the only way.
All I ask of you is to admit the same. Don't be so closed-minded. If you choose to view each character as perfectly trauma-free, then fine, that's your choice.
But don't hate on others' characterizations just because they don't match yours. I can back-up my choice of characterization (as shown above), but that doesn't mean that my choice of characterization is the only correct one. Yours isn't the only correct one either.
Thank you for your time. I do hope you have learned something from my little essay.
"The Wonderbolts. Anyone who watches the show knows that joining them is her greatest dream." ONLY, one might say. If the Wonderbolts had been used as temptation instead of the Shadowbolts in episode 2, I think she would have taken the offer.
ReplyDeleteDash characterization good. Applejack exposition less good. :)
@Brony Neumo
ReplyDeleteI could argue bulk of the points in your post but in the end it would just be alternate viewpoints and personal opinions and completely non-constructive.
I get the concept of self contained continuities.
I do not hate the story or mean to imply the story should not exist merely because I disagree with it.
And if I wasn't clear earlier, I actually think this is a good story that I would enjoy; IF the main character was an OC, or there was a significantly more compelling buildup and history behind Rainbow Dash's actions.
As it stands there is nothing you have shown or written that would allow me on a personal, emotional, or intellectual level to suspend disbelief and accept that Rainbow Dash would act as you have portrayed her in this story.
I respect you for not using unnecessary cruelty as many others have done in the past for pure shock value.
I do not respect you, however, for feeling the need to portray a cannon main character in such an emotionally charged and contrary role. It feels like an attention grab. You could have easily written the same story staring an OC with the main characters in side roles, allowing yourself fan support while being granted far greater creative license in character building, as well as avoiding having such a polarizing effect on the audience. The fact that you needed four posts to explain your rationale behind your portrayal seems over-thought and shows that you yourself may have had to stretch your reason quite a bit to force the character to unnaturally conform to your perspective.
This story has me so hooked it's not even funny! I read everything while locking myself in my dorm for an hour and a half.
ReplyDeleteThis story is well written, exciting, and just over all fun to read.
I have to give you props for taking characters out of their normal comfort zones and sticking them in situations they wouldn't normally be in. (rarity blowing up on RD, the RD suicide thing) I can't help but respect that.
As for the people who are getting all uptight about the fact that your representation of Rainbowdash attempted suicide, they can jump in a ditch for all i care. Isn't the point of a fan-fiction to put your own spin on the story. And when was it against the law for someone to show more than one type of emotion?...I guess Rainbowdash doesn't have the mental capacity to be depressed.
ANYWHO! This was an amazing read, and my only complaint is that I have to wait for number 5. (which I hope comes out soon!)
CHAPTER 5 IS UP! Go and read it peeps! http://bronyneumo.deviantart.com/art/To-Fix-You-Chapter-5-264628377
ReplyDelete~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria
TGAPT - thanks for the heads up. *drunk*
ReplyDeleteEverypony should check out this fan art I received!
ReplyDeleteThe artist is amazing, and his work fits the story extremely well, I say you should go see it!
http://gonedreamer.deviantart.com/#/d4dmec3
That picture... I knew it was horrible, but to see the moment again so clearly..
ReplyDelete"Look at the stars, Rainbow. Look how they shine for you."
ReplyDeleteDid they all happen to be, um, YELLOW? Man, I'm loving these Coldplay references.
This fic isn't really how I'd ever portray Rainbow, but it's your story and your interpretation, and arguing against it is pretty moot. As far as I can tell, the writing is solid and most of the characterization, taking your head-canon into consideration, works out.
To be honest, I really haven't embraced the premise as well as I thought I would. I thought the inclusion of a critically injured Fluttershy would have taken the "Rainbow attempts suicide" trope and given it an interesting twist, but with Fluttershy set to make a full recovery, a lot of my interest fades. If Fluttershy actually died, the possibilities for conflict (and, in my opinion, a more gripping plot) would have increased exponentially. Not that I wish death on everyone's favorite animal-loving pegasus, but that's a creative decision I probably would have made in the same position. I really do think this is well written, but I'm having trouble staying as into it as I was in the first couple of parts. The only thing keeping me reading is really because I'm a fan of Coldplay. Sorry if that sounds harsh, because I really don't have any technical issues with this story. It's just different preferences and tastes, I guess.
Well done. While being a bit hard-to-swallow (a scene with a certain yellow pegasus comes to mind) still a good fic.
ReplyDeleteYay, been waiting for this. Reading time!
ReplyDeletechapter 5 was great! very detailed. some could say its over detailed but you described things so beautifully that it doesn't even matter.
ReplyDeletemy anticipation has only been raised!
I have no problem with suicide fics, the emotional roller coaster is just... wow. It's weird, I actually like sad fics lol. Maybe 'cause it's different than what MLP offers? I mean seriously, if we just had fics written to seem exactly like a potential episode, then it'd get pretty boring after awhile. The reason why grimdark and sad is so appealing to people is a) the emotions and b) it's nothing like the show or canon at all which, at least to me,. is an interesting and refreshing change. It's like the pioneers moving the Midwest.
ReplyDeleteThat said, I definitely love this fic. No one at all felt OOC to me, though Rarity can shove a stick up her ass (thinking that was the intended reaction though XD). Dialogue felt a bit awkward, but nothing extremely offsetting. Now as much as I like happy endings for all involved (well considering the circumstances, attempted suicide doesn't just get wiped away like that), I feel like Fluttershy's full recovery was a bit off. And Dash healing a broken leg in just 4 days? I think you could've extended this fic out more, lengthened the recovery time, and expanded more on the story and relationships. As it is now, AJ and Dash feel a bit rushed. Yes, they both have hidden feelings for each other but the way it's presented, the realization feels sudden. Maybe it's just me.
@DPV111
Attention grab? Use an OC? I think you missed the point of sad fics altogether. They're meant to tug at your heartstrings and make you feel powerful emotions. With a shorter fic like this (compared to FO:E, everything is short lol), using an OC pony doesn't give enough time to build a character that the audience can feel connected to. Using an already established character AND giving them a completely plausible backstory makes the fic a million times stronger. If you actually read the posts in depth, it's not just 4 posts of him trying to cover his tracks. It's him explaining in depth how it all fits together and I personally could believe it happening.
I respect that everyone has their own opinions and I see the value of constructive criticism but for some reason, I saw your post has just a bit too blunt and offensive. Again, probably just me. It feels like you're nitpicking and criticizing for the sake of criticizing.
Irregardless, 5 stars from me. Not sure why this is simply a 4-star, it has 5-star potential. GET YOUR HEADS OUT OF HURR DURR ANOTHER SAD FIC AND SEE THAT THIS IS GOOD WORK. Civil duty done for the day, check.
Enjoy my wall of text.
~Aesa
@Aesahaettr-
ReplyDelete"Dislocated" leg. Not broken.
For dislocated legs, the fix usually involves snapping the limb back into the joint and letting the bruising heal. (especially with ball-and-socket joints), recovery time: just a few days at best. I've had a dislocated shoulder, didn't take long.
That title drop in chapter 5 was just perfect, both in placing, in timing and in general. I don't know what more to add.
ReplyDeleteLoved chapter 5, and 4, and 3, and 2, and 1
ReplyDeleteHold on. I seem to have gotten a bottlecap in my eye.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, as odd as this may sound based on my comments above, it is quite hard for me to be objective when it comes to stories like these.
Anyways, you've already answered the thing I had been wondering about (the thing with Dash's recovery time), so I'll ignore that and move on to the rest of the story. The dialog of Chapter 5 was, for the most part, a marked improvement. You eliminated most of the said bookisms from the story, keeping them only when they were truly necessary, and overall everything seemed to flow much better than in previous chapters.
For example, the scene where Rainbow asked AJ about the bandage on AJ's neck really stuck out as an emotional scene, it carried wonderfully, and they both seemed more in character in that one than they did in similar scenes in earlier chapters.
And everything about the scene when Dash and AJ were together after leaving the hospital was close to flawless in my opinion; title drop and all.
That being said, there were still a couple of scenes that stuck out as feeling a little stunted in their presentation; namely the scene with Rarity, and to a lesser extent the one with Redheart.
The scene with Rarity in particular just... I dunno. Something didn't seem right about it, and I can't place exactly what it was. It has to do with how Rarity has been acting since she got into the story, and I just can't put my finger on it. It seems like there should have been a lot more tension in the air during that scene rather than the relatively easy forgiveness that happened.
And while I'm wondering out loud, it doesn't make that much sense to me that they would just let Dash out of the hospital after an attempted suicide. I know that she's somewhat fine now (at least in the sense that she is no longer suicidal), and I also know that AJ and the rest of her friends are there for her now, but I still don't get why they would have actually let Dash out; particularly when there still would be a chance that something would happen to Fluttershy.
Finally (and on that same topic), I have to sort of parrot what GWGV said above regarding Fluttershy. There is one way that I can think of that will still turn the story on its head in terms of conflict if Fluttershy makes a full recovery (Fluttershy wakes up and chews Dash right the fuck out, which would be entirely possible depending on Fluttershy's backstory in this one); but honestly if Fluttershy wakes up and everything goes back to normal like the story is alluding to it almost seems like what seemed to have been the main conflict in the story will be gone with nothing really tangible to take its place.
Overall, though, I would say this is the strongest chapter of the story.
Read the first chapter!
ReplyDeleteWaa!!! I'm literally crying! :'(
...
Probably doesn't (sniff) help that I'm listening to the song too.
For some reason it's really jarring to me whenever the lyrics pop up, but it's nothing that'll keep me from reading the story. Maybe I know a few too many Coldplay songs.
ReplyDeleteI'm a little surprised Pinkie Pie didn't beat herself up a little over being incapacitated by her Pinkie sense, no matter how little help she might have been; then again it's thanks to her Rainbow was saved in the first place. And who knows - maybe that's something she was muttering to herself about. It's probably silly of me, but to me it feels like the other girls' feelings are being dealt with pretty quickly... although I'm still hoping for a mini Twilight-is-out-of-her-depth moment as she scrambles to read up on What To Do When A Friend Attempts Suicide. This is Dash (and AJ)'s story, after all.
I'll be keeping an eye on this one, though. Can't wait for Fluttershy to wake up; I think she'll be able to help everypony cope better, even just by coming out of her coma.
How many more chapters can we expect?
ReplyDeleteLoving the story, it's amazing. the first chapter sent chills down my spine, keep up the dam good work
ReplyDeleteNeedz moar Antlers.
ReplyDeleteNow that was one heck of a good ending. Kudos, Neumo, you made this story one of my favorites! The Coldplay tie-in was epic, too.
ReplyDeleteThe FlutterRage or AngerShy or whatever you wanna call her when she gets like that was perfect. The best point to be pissed at someone over something extremely stupid they did is when you know they are alright.
ReplyDeleteTerrific ending. Wonderful story!
ReplyDeleteThis story was great man. And yes, I did have a few tears come out when Rainbow Dash has the dream about Fluttershy dying, since I hadn't read the comments after chapter 3 was posted (I thought it was real).
ReplyDeleteI also enjoyed Applejack's backstory and the events that led up to her leaving the farm for her cutie mark story. I could totally see it happening.
I just hope that the fic that I am in the middle of writing at least as good as this.
Words cannot describe how ridiculously amazing this story was.
ReplyDeleteThe best of the 3 RD suicide fics I've read, I enjoyed it. Enough that I would be interested in some sort of sequel/follow on story thing, if ever one was made.
ReplyDeleteOk. So. I read chapter 3. Had to get a new screen after throwing it across the room. Read the first sentence for chapter 4. Had to get ANOTHER new screen. Got to the end. BAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. THAT IS SUCH A GOOD ENDING.
ReplyDeleteI've said this before but I LOVE YOUR STORY ONE OF THE BEST FICS I'VE EVER READ thanks for putting me on the verge of tears loved it...loved it good work
ReplyDeleteYou know, I'm so torn. Words cannot describe how much I want to love this story. All of the pieces were in place to make me like this even more than the Confessions series. For a quick example, the bond between AJ and Rainbow seemed on the surface to be even stronger than it was in that story.
ReplyDeleteAnd, strictly speaking, it didn't do anything wrong. The ending was wonderful, and capped everything off fantastically. The buildup towards it in the Epilogue was paced quite well. It even had some standout scenes that made my heart flutter (like Applejack trying to get Dash out of her funk when Dash saw her old home). And, objectively, the past couple chapters had a marked improvement in the writing itself; with a much more refined style.
But something about it just seems off. It feels all the world like there is a missing piece of the story between the last chapter and this one; a chunk of the narrative that would further explore Rarity's story and behavior, that would explore AJ/Dash's feelings for each other at a deeper level, that would explain how Rainbow was getting over her past and looking towards her future, that would show the rest of the cast's reactions to all of those subplots.
And it bothers me to say this because I don't like to keep comparing them, but this was something that I feel Confessions simply did much more thoroughly; and it hurts this one even more because it seems to me based on the seriousness of it all that To Fix You should have spent even more time on the subject of Dash's future than Confessions did. And the Epilogue even implied that that character development did take place between the two chapters, and we just weren't privy to it.
As it is, it seems like a (for the most part) fantastic story that was only 75% told before it ended, with the parts that weren't told were quite important for the integrity of it all. As a result, I feel that I have to give it a 3/5 instead of the 5/5 that I so desperately want it to receive and think that it otherwise deserves.
@TenchiFreak5
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I'm a little surprised by this.
Mostly because I had never planned anything important to go between Chapter 5 and the Epilogue.
It was never my intention to feature any actual events during the intermission time, mostly because the major points I was planning to cover all happened in either the main body of the story or the epilogue. About the only significant thing that I see happening in the omitted time was Rainbow selling her house, and you find out about that anyway.
I guess I'm a little disappointed that you think there should be more. I didn't write it to include anything there, and I really don't see what about the epilogue gave you the impression that I did.
Oh, my. That was great story, and a wonderful ending! One of my favourites!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI was somewhat disappointed that despite the fact that she was integral to the story, Fluttershy's feelings are relegated to a mere foot-note in the epilogue. I would have liked to see more of how it affected her.
ReplyDeleteomg one of the best fics i ever read....MAKE MORE please.....
ReplyDeleteDamn good piece of writting. Full of D'aww moments and you almost had me crying at the end of chapter 6.
ReplyDeleteGood job mate.
a Toast.
ReplyDeleteI don't usually comment much on here, but I had to leave one for this. Your story was aboslutely beautiful. I loved every second of it, and am only sad that it's one less to story to follow. Really hope to read more of your work though, this was one of the stories I waited for the mos to get updated.
ReplyDeletesad to see the story end but it really was fantastic. great work!
ReplyDeletemeh the happy ending just killed it for me.... God i am just the worst kind of person arn't i?
ReplyDelete@TenchiFreak5
ReplyDelete@Unknown
I understand what ya'll are getting at. Chapter 6 struck me as.........thin.
Very nice work.
ReplyDeleteMany tears
I think four stars is the perfect spot for this fic to be...
ReplyDeleteIt seems like ponies are forgetting the tooltext on the ratings.
Four is "really liked it."
Four is still fantastic, and so was this story.
I really liked it. ;D
Thanks to this fic, I will regard the shipping tag with caution rather than avoiding it like the Plague.
ReplyDeleteI can't figure out what the last song reference is. Was there one for the last one cause I cant find it.
ReplyDeletethe other ones where
1) Fix you (and all other chapters as well)
2) Spies
3) The scientist
4) Swallowed in the sea
5) Yellow
6) ?
Excellent fan fic btw
ReplyDelete@goes ding when there's stuff
ReplyDelete6) Green Eyes
Okay, my biggest problem is how it seemed like afte aj and rd fell for each other, when ever a problem occurred they just kissed and BOOM, problem gone. Why not build on that? maybe fix it another way other than just "muzzle embrace.." or w/e. Also the epilogue seemed kinda lazy. Ending was meh, and by ending i mean chapter 6.
ReplyDeleteReally liked it until ending of chapter 5 and chapter 6, but i will still give it a 4 out of 5.
wow that was really good to me cause i love coldplay so the whole time i was looking for references i really loved it it was very good!!
ReplyDelete4.5+ out of 5
~dino<3
SHE'S ALREADY DEAD, SHE'S ALREADY DEAD
ReplyDeleteI REGREAT EVERYTHING, I REGRET EVERYTHING I'VE EVER DONE
Just wanted to thank you for this fic, one of my favourites for sure.
ReplyDeleteI love Coldplay, and Fix You is my favourite song from them, usually the song alone is enough to bring tears (not even manly tears) to my eyes, but the association with this tear jerker just sets forth a waterfall.
I don't care if Dash suicide fics are clichéd (I'm new enough that I haven't read any of the previous Dash fails wonderbolts then tries to off herself fics), the topic is good and the execution is brilliant. And the Coldplay references are well played, I nearly missed Green Eyes.
Your lack of stars disturbs me. Definitely deserves 5.
Please write more if you can write this good again.
That story was amazing.
ReplyDeleteManly tears were shed... T_T
ReplyDeleteIm waiting for "The Scientist" now...
ReplyDeleteGlad to see that this is getting a sequel, will read it when it completes.
ReplyDeletesequelsequelsequelsequelsequelsequel!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteChapter 3 wow, I still haven't figured out the song for #2 yet
ReplyDeleteI'll do that now and then start reading.
Cant w8 to start.
Yayy I can't wait to read this :3
ReplyDeleteDashie and AJ in love, fluttershy in a coma, pinkie pie out of energy and with her mane down, this is one mad story
ReplyDeleteSUCH A GOOD STORY! I love everything about it and im totally for an AJ DASHIE romance. Well done u HAVE to keep this up
ReplyDeletePoorly drawn cover, the pulse detector looks like a box not connecting to Fluttershy, but good enough.
ReplyDeleteTwo references to songs I caught in "What If?": chapter 6: Square One and chapter 7: A rush of blood to the head. Anyway awesome fic... I feel like I need to say more but it's midnight and typing on an iPod sux. And I can't think strait. Well I shall comment longer in the morning
ReplyDelete@RockKandii101
ReplyDeleteEvery chapter has a Coldplay song, some are really difficult to spot, others are easy.
Square One is referenced in chapter 5 not 6, and is a particularly easy one.
Chapter 6 is White Shadows, which takes some time to spot.
Both of those tracks are from X&Y, which I think is a strong contender for album of its decade, what a top drawer album it was. I love Mylo Xyloto a lot (Viva la Vida was pretty good too), but I think they set such a high bar with X&Y, that it'd take a miracle to repeat the brilliance.
wow i have just finished reading to fix you.... this may sound sad but i related to rainbow, depressed, needing love, it is all to familiar to me.
ReplyDeletealso reading this made me realize just how much i like applejack, it was beautifully written and described her in a way i haven't seen before, magnificent. also sorry for last sad post, my emotions got the better of me.
ReplyDelete"My father was... a drinker. And a fiend. And one night he goes off *crazier* than usual..."
ReplyDeleteHow often does a sequel fanfic exceed the original?
I've seen plenty of "Dash goes off the deep end after failing the Wonderbolts" fics but I haven't seen many fics that dealt with AJ's deadbeat dad. EQD's grimdark tagging fails again as this was nuttin but pure 100 proof Grimdark w/ AJ getting beat to death by her own father b4 teh POWER OF LOVVVVVVVE comes to the rescue. This was pretty emotionally brutal stuff - the kissy kissy in the beginning started to make me gag, but I now realize it was just to make the later stuff more of a Player Punch to the Appledash fans in the audience. Poor Applejack! Your estranged daughter cleans your home and you repay her by beating her to death? Wow, way to be one of the worst pony parents this side of Lyra's parents in The Empty Room. Bully to you Rainbow Dash for killing that piece of shit and feeling less guilty about it than LilPip would!
Hell, that fight took too long imho. Remember: Show Canon states that Rainbow Dash is a Supersonic Black Belt that can tear apart a barn with her teeth. (lol she kicked Starscream's ass)
I know it's a bit down here, and I know nobody probably reads these, but in case you are iffy about getting into the fic, I made a review of it. http://supremestfanfictionreviews.blogspot.com/2012/05/review-to-fix-you-and-what-if.html
ReplyDeleteIt's up to you if you want to read it.