[Sad]
Author: lilinuyasha
Description: Everypony has to go through tragedy in their lifetime. Applejack's experiencing the worst kind.Sour Apples
Additional Tags: Sad, tragic, tradegy, slice-of-life, dark
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Author: lilinuyasha
Additional Tags: Sad, tragic, tradegy, slice-of-life, dark
Sildid: Applejack, Author: lilinuyasha, Big Mac, Complete, Fanfiction, Nurse Redheart, Other, Sad, Star-3, StoryShare This!
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74 kommentaari:
1st
VastaKustutaYesterday we had the fic where Scootaloo died, what could possibly be worse about this one? *reads*
VastaKustuta3rd
VastaKustutaWelp, better get the shovel, I guess I've got some feces to shovel(refer to previous post)
VastaKustutaPlease no more sadfics...
VastaKustutaI've got a bad case of the feelbads...
*Reads anyway*
@jelFes that's exactly what I was thinking
VastaKustutaWHY SAD? FUCKING WHY?
VastaKustutaCAN WE NOT GET HAPPY?
If the story is about Applejack, then why is there a picture of Applebloom? That just gives off some major foreshadowing (unintentional or not) about who the bad stuff is going to happen to. Sadface. :o(
VastaKustutaNot Applebloom.
VastaKustutaSo much sad lately.
VastaKustutaWe just had a Scootaloo dying fic. I almost thought this was an Applebloom dying fic. Nope, it's Granny Smith.
VastaKustuta*reading*
@Jelfes
VastaKustutaWhy do you feel the need to insult people every time someone sucessfully gets 1st, cept you?
Argh... You guys would have to go on a Sadfic posting binge when my son is in the hospital...
VastaKustuta*turns off EqD to make some comics to cheer up*
I am disappoint. I expected something to happen to Applebloom,but she wasn't even in it.
VastaKustuta-prepares a shovel-
VastaKustutaOh, Applebloom isn't in it? Nevermind then. :o
@getoman
What are you talking about? :o
Ah great, just great. I just finished Cupcakes, I'm preparing myself to read Rainbow Factory and now you guys suggest me this?
VastaKustutaCrap, I've gotta get my comedy fic finished quicker.
VastaKustutaVery well done, though. Very well done.
@getoman10 Apparently it's not obvious enough when I'm joking. Most of the time I'm being sarcastic, or I'm joking around. I don't understand how what I said was an insult when it was an action on my behalf, nor will I bother with your accusations of me firsting.
VastaKustuta@PoldekPL
I too read both of those, Rainbow Factory isn't just gore and all that, it's epic loads of sad and other emotions like it. This, however, doesn't compare with either, from what I've read at least...
Why do people complain about sad fics when they are usually really good at invoking emotions.
VastaKustuta*Spoiler*
VastaKustutaSo Applejack is six months old when her parents die, and Applebloom is her little sister...
@Jelfes
VastaKustutaThat's exactly what I heard and what I'm expecting (It's like comparing horror with so much monsters they're almost jumping out of your butt to horror with such ambience, that your mind is galloping like mad - one gives you thoughts straight to your face, other stimulates your imagination in ways that you're even afraid of)
Well I gave it a read, and to be honest I wasn't impressed. I mean the idea was good, but it started out really quickly and ended just as abruptly.
VastaKustutaThe author didn't build up any suspense, and even though I do already care for the characters. The author counted on that to heavily and it really took from the story. Even if the characters used are well known, you still have to make the reader care for and connect with the characters involved. This story, didn't do that at all.
I give it a 1 out of 5. Sorry author, but not every story can be a 5/5
@Jelfes
VastaKustutaSorry man I took your comment the wrong way and trolled on it, my bad
This story was okay, didn't quite have the emotional impact other stories have had, but it wasn't terrible. 4/5
VastaKustuta@getoman10 No problem.
VastaKustuta@dublio
VastaKustutaNot only is this story about Applejack, it reads like as if Apple Bloom doesn't exist. Yup, that's right. No Apple Bloom at all.
I read it, and I must confess I was unimpressed. It didn't really seem to do anything or go anywhere, it just took some beloved characters, shoehorned them in a depressing situation, and I guess it expected us to weep for them.
VastaKustuta2/5. Not abysmal, the writing style was good - but the subject could really use some thought for the next story.
@mrscrib Oh no! It's even worse than I previously thought!
VastaKustutaMinor moment of panic there with Apple Bloom as the cover picture. That's a bastard move there, Seth, especially after the Scootaloo dies one posted barely not even 24 hours ago.
VastaKustutaUm...it being mainly about Applejack dealing with Granny Smith's death makes it easier to handle, in a way? I don't know, maybe it makes it feel more natural and less heartbreaking that way. I lost my own great-grandmother rather suddenly earlier this year and I had kind of the same reaction. Bittersweet is the word I'm looking for, maybe?
Eh, I give it a 3/5. Decent, but not great. Can we find something to get us off the [Sad] fic binge, though? I've been having to comb through my pile of unread Shipping fics to get away from them.
@Jelfes Revised down to 3/5.
VastaKustuta....Manly tears were shed twice this day... once here and once from the scootaloo fic from yesterday...
VastaKustutaI AM HERE! alright. I've read into it. This seems sad. I like the part with Macintosh. He seems legit. But still, Grammy.... :( that sucks. Weeeelll, i guess life has to end sometime.
VastaKustutaCommence the Poop Shoveling.
VastaKustutaOkay, seriously, everpony, the fic isn't THAT bad. It's got an interesting premise, pretty good writing (even if some of the descriptions interfere with canon), and a good moral lesson. It's not the BEST fic I've seen, but I don't think it deserves to be treated so negatively.
VastaKustutaThough part of me thinks that most readers are just sick of sadfics right now. I know I am.
I don't think we'll ever see a happy story here in quite a while. We seem to be on some kind of kick.
VastaKustutaI'll give it a week. I'm working on my own Scootasad adventure story, and now I'm worried about releasing it. I plan on ripping out people's hearts.
I've been reading too much Scootasad recently. Good break.
VastaKustutaThe story itself wasn't bad, but it doesn't compare to other stories I've read.
No, it was not that bad. it was just expected. I mean, if Fluttershy died, people would be all NOOOOOOOOOO..... rioting in the streets and all that.
VastaKustutaI.. I don't wanna post no disrespect for the author of this, or the pre-readers..
VastaKustutabut i'm totally jelly THIS got through, and my lil' story didn't... this has some pretty obvious word/grammar errors in it that make it choppy at points.
it did evoke emotion very effectively though. it's certainly good work, but... still man...
Lets see:
VastaKustutaFront page picture to remind us of the Apple family character not only unmentioned but, as HieronymusP said at 1:24, apparently not present in the world of the fic?
Nothing interesting about differences with US culture and Pony culture with death and mourning.
Bizarre reference to "God" (male deities exist in the pony world?).
1/5 There were no grammatical errors that I saw, but to quote Gloria Steinem, "there was no there there."
Wait... what happened to Applebloom? Why wasn't she in the tale?
VastaKustutaIt was okay. I found it bizarre that Applejack's parents died when she was 6 months old, and yet she has Applebloom as her little sister. It seems like when Applebloom is mentioned, it's more rushed. Like 'oh crap, I forgot about Applebloom. Let's just insert here here with one sentence.'
VastaKustutaNothing happened to Applebloom. She was just put in to add cuteness. :P
VastaKustutaHey, I remember you from the pony server! Congrats man!
VastaKustutaAutor on selle kommentaari eemaldanud.
VastaKustutaWho?
VastaKustutaWhat's with all the sad filly fics?
VastaKustutaWhat's with all the sad fics in general? There are ELEVEN stories with sad tags on the front page alone.
I need to finish my random/comedy, just to break up the monotony of it all.
On the story itself; it was okay.
Nothing to write home about, but there's no reason to burn it to ash either.
The presentation actually makes the fic somewhat happy. It's slightly bittersweet.
I'd say 3/5.
It's more cathartic than Final Dream of a Filly (which I'm using as a measure because I read it today)--that's just miserable for the first three chapters before the author trolls you with the fourth (and its delivery is kind of ruined by its summary).
This story is tighter. It's doesn't make the reader as sad, but it makes up for it by instilling happiness as well.
;___; thats a really sad story
VastaKustutaOne quick question. AJ said her parents died when she was six months old. Then where did Applebloom come from? Or do ponies have short pregnancies and her mother got pregnant right after giving birth to AJ?
VastaKustutaCan somepony PLEASE explain to me why EqD has had a good many sad fics lately? Ponies are supposed to be happy and fun. Not death, misery and sorrow.
VastaKustutaSweet little story, I feel sorry for the both of them
VastaKustuta@Shadow Dragon
VastaKustutaAn excellent point, the gestation period for a horse is ~340 days. So unless Apple Bloom was an extremely early birth or adopted, that's a somewhat serious story flaw.
I posted a long paragrpah before I realized I had to make a new blogger account. FML.
VastaKustutaTrey to remember it from memory, Let me thank everyone for their constructive criticism, as well as the horrendous "burn this now before it ruins our society" comments. This fic, I am well aware, may have come out choppy at parts for a few reasons. 1: People over at fimfiction specifically requested I make a sadfic, so that was me trying my hand at one. 2: This was a bit of a personal bit. I didn't really have the will (or creativity) for a sadfic, so I went with the familiar. The way Granny Smith went is very similar to how my grandfather went, and honestly, I remember it being short and staccato as the story may have been at parts. I guess I let my emotions write it, as opposed to the logical, detail minded author.
I also apologize for the fact that this piece of shit got through, when clearly someone else's fic aforementioned deserved it more. I just write for the hell of it. I submitted it for the hell of it. I didn't choose for it to get here, I just decided to send it. Don't blame me.
As far as Applebloom is concerned, the photo was simply because I couldn't find anything I liked as much as that one, so a humongously sad applebloom would have to do the trick.
Also, as far as her parents dying, Yeah, I'll admit, I didn't think the relationship with Applebloom through on that one. But to be fair, have you ever seen Applejack's parents in the show? They're not really mentioned, and Applebloom is still there. So perhaps there's a bit of fault on both sides.
Once again, I apologize for the horribly mangled, heart-bearing, piece of shit fic that pushed through the lines here. I'm so sorry that the prereaders found it interesting. Next time, if there is a next time, I'll try and write something better that makes more sense, with less plotholes and technicalities that could potentially throw people off.
Sincerely,
"Bandmaster" Trey, lilinuyasha
@lilinuyasha you really shouldn't beat yourself up so much. calling your fic a piece of shit and what not. you shouldn't have to apologize for anything, i mean if one of the pre-readers thought it was good enough then its's obviously worth the time to read the first few paragraphs to see if its interesting or not. and honestly, it wasnt that bad but it could use some tweaking none the less.
VastaKustutaThat Scootaloo one nearly killed me... Please.. Please don't make me!
VastaKustutaThat was a really sweet, disheartening story.
VastaKustutaHowever, there is one line that seemed rather jarring to me:
"Applejack bawled, trying to stifle her sad tears of anger and frustration. Why would God let this happen?"
Since when are ponies following a monotheistic religion?
Well I'm beating myself up. Whether you take it as a sarcastic response to comments or simply low welf-esteem is up to you.
VastaKustutaSince when do ponies NOT follow a monotheistic religion? Faust clearly stated that sexuality wouldn't be discussed in the show. By the same token, religion won't be discussed. It's obviously open for interpretation, and I injected my own beliefs into the story. Like I said, part of this is a personal bit, too.
lol I just notice I said "Trey to remember it from memory". I meant to say Trying.
VastaKustutaI liked this fic. I lost some bodily hydration levels due to it.
VastaKustutaMy father found my grandmother yesterday unable to get up from the floor. She was OK, but it's the kind of thing that makes you think about what's important.
I personally do not understand why so many people are downrating this story. It evoked emotion. I don't need the author to tell me who Granny Smith is, or who AJ is, or what their relationship is like.
This story is about loss, and it's about reflection. Death doesn't give you a chance to plan for it... And neither does this story, and it fits, well. Applebloom was there, but AJ and Big mac were shielding her from this pain as best as they could. They talked to Applebloom out of view, but the story was about Applejack's reflections on the life Granny Smith shared with her, not the entire family. The story is from AJ's perspective, and it was perfectly fitting in my eyes.
5/5
Very good story.
VastaKustutaI'm also not bothered by the continuity issue. Just fix it in editing. say 1 and a half years instead of 6 months. That gives AJ's and AB's mother 6 months to recover from the stress of childbirth, and allows for full gestation. Memories would not be formed yet at that point either.
VastaKustutaAs for the complaint against God being referenced. Celestia and Luna raise and lower the sun and moon. No where in the series have they ever been stated to be gods in any way, and it's something that I really don't subscribe to. It doesn't preclude the possibility that some ponies may have faith in a higher being or creator, and that some don't.
It's something the show will NEVER address, due to it's nature, so It's something that I feel is up to fanfic writers to address on their own.
And that's my 2 bits
Don't worry. It was a tear-jerker. It was good, just not very well-written.
VastaKustutaRichfiles, I love you. :D
VastaKustutaI'm glad that you understood the message. Sometimes I feel people are almost looking for an excuse to downrate a story as opposed to reading it for its content. This was simply meant to be a sadfic about loss. It wasn't meant to inspire controversy about higher figures. It was meant to tell a story. How you decide to interpret the story is completely up to you. I give you a cupcake. You decide how to eat it, so to speak.
If not for the fact that this sadfic is a freaking masterpiece, I'd be kicking your ass for getting the idea from reading Pretty in Pink.
VastaKustutaThat said, this was beautiful and I gave it a solid 5 stars.
David, I read pretty in pink. Honestly, I slightly stole the idea from scootaloo dying from hypothermia. Mix it in with people saying I need to write a sadfic, and my personal experiences with my grandfather's death, this is completely separate. I did love Pretty in Pink though. You did a fantastic job with it. I'm not trying to rip you off, man.
VastaKustutauh, it was ... ok. as someone said above, it was really just kind of 'there.' uhm, the flow seems halting, i guess if the word i'd use? it jumps from thing to thing. uh, the emotion is also a bit all over. at first, i thought Applejack was disconnecting, 'thousand yard stare' thing. uhm, then she's bawling her eyes out? ok...
VastaKustutai kinda skipped through it and i didn't feel like i lost anything major.
the ending, uhm ... they hadn't even buried her and Applejack seemed to already be in the healing process. that, uhm, that doesn't sound right. too much closure, too quickly.
one more thing, uhm, type out numbers rather than using roman numerals. 'five' is more proper than '5.' sorry ...
2.5(3)/5 average sorry. i hope this doesn't hurt your urge to write or anything. sorry.
@lilinuyasha
VastaKustutaI know <3 I just thought I'd give you crap about it. Every sadfic in the history of sadfics has been accused of ripping off another sadfic, so I just thought I'd share the love.
Don't get me wrong, Sour Apples is truly a masterpiece IMHO. It's a complete thought, from beginning to end, and you perfectly utilize the "once is a statement, twice is a mistake, thrice is a theme" concept.
@Minalkra
VastaKustutaYou write just like Fluttershy. Like I said, this is also like my thought process when my grandfather went. And I thouroughly welcome constructive criticism. Thanks for your input!
Although I do have to step back and laugh at the reviews, honestly. I have people calling it a masterpiece, while some people say it's absolutely one of the shittiest fics they've ever read. then there's people inbetween. Some people like the bittersweet ending, some people think it needs to be more sad. I wrote a sadfic, not something meant to inspire discord :P
VastaKustutaJust to clarify, Jelfes and I were talking about shovels because it's easier to throw poo with that instead of our hooves. But that has nothing to do with the fic, the throwing of poo was for the people who do "1st" in their comments. So we weren't bashing your fic if that's what you were thinking.
VastaKustutaDon't let other people dissuade you from writing, because there's always room for improvement. The best part is that you wrote a story using your heart, which is better then not writing at all.
Sorry about the misunderstanding lilinuyasha. -hug-
No. I saw the picture. I looked at the tags. I read the description. And the answer is no.
VastaKustutaI just... no. This fic will be the death of me. I will contract Terminal Diabetus and die.
@PoldekPL
VastaKustuta*Boot to the Head*
y'know, I enjoyed this... the 'god' was a bit jarring (but then, so it is also when people use 'celestia' in place of 'God'.. s o not sure what my happy ground is there..) .. but the Applebloom thing really made me go "huh"...
VastaKustutaI liked it. it made me feel, it made my eyes tear up... this was a good eotional package.. bute there were a few little.. fragments.. like Big mac leaving the room, it seemed like he was going to go something that would.. help, or to make things better for AJ and... didn't. I dunno. the core of this is wonderful.. but it's wrapped in.. less then epicness on all sides.
I'm keeping all of these considerations in mind should I decide to do another sadfic, which, as my personal style, will have some sort of bittersweet and/or ambiguous ending.
VastaKustutaHaving just read Final Dream of a Filly, and then The Shades of Time, and now this... I am officially sadficed out. I'll try to write a review before I head to bed and cry myself to sleep....
VastaKustutaI don't think your story is 'the shittiest work ever' or anything like that. I mean, if you take it at face value, it's a little heart-breaking, sure, but nowhere near as purely heart-wrenching as Final Dream of a Filly, or thrillingly sad as The Shades of Time, and the fact that it came up so recently after them, I suppose, mellows out your story too much for the impact. Even trying to keep all that in mind and reading it, the most I could come up with was a sad feeling. If that was what you're trying to go for, mission accomplished. Some people are not happy with just that (pun intended), and want the saddest experience possible. Your story was aimed at a different group. I give it... a 3/5.