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Author: Saintspirit
Description: The earth pony named Silver Wonder was born blind, but yet she did against all odds discover that she had talents, believed by many to be impossible for a pony with her handicap.
Silver Wonder: Prologue
Silver Wonder: Chapter 1
Silver Wonder: Chapter 2 (New!)
Additional Tags: Music, overcoming handicaps, finding talents
29 kommentaari:
Ray Charles, anypony?
VastaKustuta2nd
VastaKustutaSounds like another blind pianist...
VastaKustuta@Jelfes
VastaKustutaI am honest to god lost for words at how badly you missed.
@Jelfes
VastaKustutaName is Silver Wonder. I'm thinking Stevie Wonder.
I'll give this story a look, but I sure hope it's better written than the description...
VastaKustutaFinally something happy after all that sad and dark storm.
VastaKustutaI really want to like this story, but every scene seems to be a cliche personified :S
VastaKustutaStevie was born blind, Ray wasn't.
VastaKustutaDamn, now I have to rock out to some Music of My Mind.
♫And when the day is through,
Nothin' to do, sit around groovin' with you,
And I say it 'cause I love...havin' you arooooound,
And I say it 'cause I love...havin' you arooooooound♫
Yes.
Christ almightly, english as a tenth language.
VastaKustutaSo let me get this straight...
VastaKustutaI stay up all night last night working on a fanfic about a blind musician, and then this comes out today?
Well fuck me then.
Meh, same difference. No, not really, just the first that came to mind, and my favourite of the two.
VastaKustutaThe idea behind this fic is solid: a blind pony overcoming her disability a la Stevie Wonder. Plenty of potential there. The writing really holds it back, however.
VastaKustutaI'm guessing that English is not your first language, as many of the mistakes I noticed were consistent with those I often see from ESOL students (putting in articles where they aren't needed, failing to utilize conjunctions in dialogue, etc.). If this is the case, I would suggest that you find a native English speaker to help you proof future chapters--these sorts of mistakes are much easier for someone who's grown up speaking the language to catch.
There's also a huge number of simple errors (i.e. the kind of mistakes that any author should be able to catch, regardless of linguistic aptitude): tense slippage, commas where they don't belong, no commas where one is needed, awkward exposition...look, I'm trying to like this story, I really am. And I think that it could become a nice story. The bit at the end of chapter 1 with the CMC was adorable, if barely readable at present. But that's just it: what you've got right now is just a mess. Please do some serious cleaning up on this and subsequent chapters before submitting, as I would hate for your story to be overlooked solely on the grounds that it lacked editing.
@Jelfes
VastaKustutaBut... but...
WONDER!
I can't wait to read the next chapter.
VastaKustuta@Cortland Eeyup. To be honest, though, Ray Charles is way cooler, in my opinion that is.
VastaKustutaRay was way cooler. Heroin makes all musicians cooler. Not an insult it's a statistical fact.
VastaKustuta@DPV111 Indeed
VastaKustutaI wanted to hate this, on principal. But you know, this is so adorable and well written that it makes me just melt.
VastaKustutaI need to see a new chapter soon, this is wonderful
Beatoveen refrence who I think
VastaKustutaFeels like it really has a good premises that if you do not mess this up could get better.
VastaKustutaAlthough I have two suggestions for you: double spacing and spelling errors. Do these and your story will feel more polished.
Am enjoying this so far and will await more from you
Nice sitting posture that pony has.
VastaKustuta@arianarocks1234
VastaKustutaBeethoven was deaf.
@baschotaria
VastaKustutaWell written?
Sorry but this is so badly written it's borderline gibberish. The author has crapped all over the english language.
@Chris
VastaKustutaI agree with this person, the concept is sound and ca be built upon. but there is a lack of proper grammar that we need to understand things. Not saying I couldn't but its not easy trying to understand something that is worded funny.
Okay - two things.
VastaKustuta1 - It is indeed true english is not my first language. I hear your critic, and I have tried to fix what flaws I could see (commas and the like), but it is still hard for me to understand what is not proper grammar... I mean, of course the text is understandable to me who wrote it, but just saying that it is gibberish won't make it better - particularly as I personally can't see any bigger faults. Also, others who have read it before I put it here didn't mention anything about weird grammar.
2 - Some aspects of the main characters are indeed based on Stevie Wonder. That she is blind, and (later) becomes good at music. That's it, really.
And another thing, not really a response but just something I wanted to tell you, is that it was by writing this that I managed to get away from the wave of anguish I got after I had read a particular, very sad, fan fiction. I don't feel the need to point out which one it was, though, but in any case - writing this made me happy again.
I know it doesn't have that much to do with the story, but how does Braille work with hooves?
VastaKustutaRead second chapter...
VastaKustutaSo far i still see some grammatical errors plus some paragraphs are not properly spaced correctly...
On the other hand, I'm getting to like your character more and more...
Has this story come to an end? I feel like there is something more planned for this character to be fleshed out more
VastaKustuta