[Comedy][Shipping]
Author: Pegasus Rescue Brigade
Description: When Ditzy Doo loses her job at Cloudsdale Mail and Freight, she gets a job at another shipping company... only to find out their definition of shipping has nothing to do with delivering packages! Desperate for income to support herself and Dinky, will Ditzy be able to make it as a pony matchmaker?Shipping and Handling (All Links)
Hocus Pocus
Magic of the Heart (New Sequel Part 20-Epilogue!)
Additional Tags: Shipping has multiple definitions
197 kommentaari:
Oh I love derpy fics
VastaKustutaHaha love the pun and idea for this, will give a read for sure.
VastaKustutaOh I love puns too! <3
VastaKustutathat sounds so wrong...
VastaKustutaAutor on selle kommentaari eemaldanud.
VastaKustuta@Brawmario
VastaKustutaThe wrong has been doubled!
This sounds like it ought to be funny.
VastaKustutaPotential for great story:
VastaKustuta[||||||||||_]
90%
@Brawmario
VastaKustutaAww don't go ahead and delete your double post. Man :(
Now I look like a fool.
Autor on selle kommentaari eemaldanud.
VastaKustuta@Darkdrium
VastaKustutaoh lol i deleted my comment before refreshing and seeing yours
This looks very promising. Disturb though that there is no comedy tag. I feel like thats important to make this work.
VastaKustutaWhen I first loaded the page for this story, the ad at the top said "discounted shipping to china - save 40%".
VastaKustutaSo, according to the Google ad wizard, this story must be twice as cool as any Rainbow Dash shipping story.
Ditzy shipping is the best shipping!
VastaKustutaGreat we've already fannonized Plot. Now the Ponies know that definition of Shipping too?
VastaKustutaWill the corruption never end!
Oh man, this sounds great. Reading.
VastaKustutaI read this story when I found it on DA a couple of days ago, I am so eager for the next chapters!
VastaKustutaThe "and Handling" makes it that much more funny. Gonna read this.
VastaKustuta@Jay Bear
VastaKustutathese places have ads?
That as a premise, and no comedy, hmmmm, not sure if want.
VastaKustutaThe lack of [Comedy] has me worried.
VastaKustutaI'm hoping it's assumed.
Gonna give it a shot.
Derpy Shipping? Woo!
VastaKustutaWell written and an interesting story Ditzy's persoanlity was pulled off fairly well, the premise reminded me of U-Harmony which was on here a while back. I think I was hoping her first assignment would be one of the Mane 6 but it was close enough anyway.
VastaKustutaI'm willing to bet there will be in a Lyra x Bon-Bon or AppleDash in a later chapter :P.
So far so good 5*.
Awesome story. Really. Funniest fic I've read. Very much looking forward to a third chapter!
VastaKustuta@wackyteen if yoo stopped using adblock plus on this site they do. you know to support the blog.
VastaKustutaThis is hilarious and charming. It's nice to see Derpy not portrayed as an idiot.
VastaKustuta@falkier
VastaKustuta*tap-tap* Don't you hate when these things stick?
Really cute story, like it a lot so far.
VastaKustutadat pun. <3
VastaKustutaMy definition shipping: Working on Ships
VastaKustutaAlways love fics where Derpy is given a good portrayal, and this one has a lot of potential. That, and its got me curious. With the Spike/Rarity situation as Derpy's first assignment, what will be her second? Will she ever try to fix up the Mane 6 or other characters we've come to know an love? Will she have the honor of helping Celestia or Luna?
VastaKustutaOh, I just can't wait to find out.
That's cute. Just super-duper cute.
VastaKustutaHilarious premise and I love the fact that Derpy is normal in this one. Love to hear more. :D
VastaKustutaweeeeeee!!! DERPY STORY IS (almost) BEST STORY!!!!
VastaKustutaI like this story; I think it has good potential. I'm always glad to see a deep derpy character.
VastaKustutaKeep up the good work, @Pegasus Rescue Brigade! (4/5)
That description tells me that I need to read this.
VastaKustutaI like it so far. Keep it up!
VastaKustutawait shipping as in http://browse.deviantart.com/?qh=§ion=&q=mlp+shipping#/d3cv2p0 ?
VastaKustutaI wanna see what happens if and when Derpy runs into Pinkie while on the job.
VastaKustutaKeep up the good work, author dood
Great story! Keep it up!
VastaKustutaA stallion named Autumn Breeze with a leaf cutie mark...
Any resemblance to ponysonas entirely accidental? :P
I'm a sucker for creative premises. There are so many ways to go with an idea like this, and after reading the first two parts I'm excited to see where this goes.
VastaKustutaIt's only chapter 2 and it already put me in a "feel-good" mood.
VastaKustutaDefinitely looking forward to the next chapter.
Nice job, will continue reading.
VastaKustutaShip ALL the ponies!!!
This is really cute. Can't wait to see more!
VastaKustutaI'll definitely be looking out for new chapters!!
VastaKustutait is pretty good, only if the author would put the thoughts in italics or in brackets instead of quotes, I keep confusing thoughts with dialogue
VastaKustuta@Stoic, right with you there Brother.
VastaKustutaHi folks, author here.
VastaKustutaI noticed a few people worried about the lack of comedy tag. Don't worry, it's coming.
The prereaders sometimes get peeved if you give something a comedy tag before it actually gets funny. And the funny will be arriving in the next update of the story, hopefully along with the proper new tag.
@Pen Stroke
VastaKustutaWhat he said. This is a story we're both looking forward to. I do love a story where Ditzy is portrayed as intelligent, just struggling with her vision problems and you got to love a mare who wants to provide for her daughter.
If the rest of the chapters are like these two, I foresee nothing but good things from this fic.
Yeah
VastaKustutaI no right
VastaKustuta@Autumn Wind
VastaKustutaYes, any resemblance to you was coincidence.
@Lots of others:
I'll be changing the way thoughts are written out since a few people here and a ton on DA complained about it.
Keep this story coming. I really want to read more of this, plus the OC's and solid.
VastaKustutaIn addition, I really like the use of double spacing, more writers definitely need to do this.
I'm loving this. More, please!
VastaKustuta@sleepingcobrox
VastaKustutaHell yes. Double spacing should be a mandatory rule for writing fan fiction. Makes it easier to read.
Oooh, Derpy fic! I gotta read this
VastaKustutaHa! This is great! I'm really liking this story and how well you made it. The story just seemed to flow on it's own and I never saw any errors while reading it. Fantastic job.
VastaKustutaI'm liking this so far...
VastaKustutaFirst off, great pun.
VastaKustutaSecond off, I am not usually a fan of shipping, but this is so far just so gosh-darn adorable. I also really like Ditzy's personality in this one. I always did prefer making her clumsy but smart instead of just plain down syndrome (although that has worked well in the past, such as in Dinky's Dad Reveiled). This is so far a very warm-feeling like story. I am really looking forward to more.
Well written and adorable. I heartily approve of anything that is both well written and adorable.
VastaKustutaI liked this. It has a breezy, fun writing style that makes it really enjoyable to read; and you sorta get the sense that the author is giving subtle winks at the audience at spots in it.
VastaKustutaI'll keep my eye on this one.
MUHAHAHAHAHA! This is so far awesome! Take my five stars Ditzy Shippingness! (if thats even a word)
VastaKustutaNice. I think it deserves a comedy tag, though...
VastaKustutaContinuing to be both well written and adorable! I approve wholeheartedly!
VastaKustutaVery fun read, glad to see some light-hearted stories being updated.
VastaKustutaLyra is just priceless. 5 stars.
VastaKustutaTrevor declares this fic to be victorious! Is little Dinky going to be making another appearance anytime soon?
VastaKustuta~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel o Equestria
@Magical Trevor
VastaKustutaYes, Dinky will probably be in the next chapter for a bit.
Human-Obsessed Lyra is Best Lyra.
VastaKustutaI'm quite glad to see that this is still just as enjoyable to read as the first two chapters were.
Continuing to truly love this story. It has no epicness, and isn't sad or grim at all....and yet is one of the more enjoyable reads of MLP fic there is. Why is that? HMMMMMMMMM!?
VastaKustutaWhen I first read the title I thought it was gonna be Ditzy going into prostitution.
VastaKustutaIt's multiple shippings between characters.
VastaKustutaWhy is this so awesome?
This fic really is very good. I like that Derpy is not only depicted as being fairly smart, but is actually kind of badass. I mean, just look at the most recent chapter. That plot was downright Magnificent Bastard-y. Plus it's well written and adorable!
VastaKustutaWell I didn't expect THAT pairing, though I laughed out loud when it was unveiled. Well played author, well played...
VastaKustutaSo far it been Spike&Rarity, Lyra&Bon-Bon, and now Applejack&Carrot top. Were will love between a stalion and a mare come it.
VastaKustuta@DRTJR
VastaKustutaAnd if so what pairing will they use? The first two were fairly conventional, but this last one was definitely left-field (even if I've seen a few drawings for it).
Moreover, does anyone feel that the characterization in this fic could support the idea of General Derpy as depicted in in Equestria Prevails' art? Here she's not only clever, she's a tactical genius of the most unconventional sort.
@DRTJR
VastaKustutaHeh, yes, I've been thinking about that. I'll tell you right now that I simply don't think there will be a whole lot of it in this story, and here's why:
Stallions:
Big Mac: I just hate him. So I'm not shipping him. The end.
Braeburn: I could basically have put him in this past chapter and shipped him with Carrot-top, but he's not as hard-headed as AJ, so it woulnd't have worked as well. I'm just gonna steer clear of the Apple family from here on.
Soarin': The Wonderbolts are cool and all, but there's only two ponies I could (logically) ship him with. Rainbow, who I have other plans for (my favorite pairing for rainbow is another mare/mare.) or Spitfire, and a chapter with a wonderbolt shipped with another wonderbolt would be boring as heck in my opinion.
Background stallions like Caramel, pokey pierce, etc: Let's face it, our fandom gives them no real personality. I know nothing about them, so I don't want to use them either.
I will tell you that eventually, there will be a chapter about Pipsqueak (NOT WITH LUNA, so don't worry, I hate that idea as much as anyone)
There will also be a few other surprises I'm keeping under wraps for the moment.
But, when it gets right down to it, the majority of this is going to be mare/mare, simply for the sake of creating pairings that will provide "interesting" storyline.
It's a really nice, fun, entertaining little story, a great Derpy fic that isn't incredibly sad for once, keep at it, I'm looking forward to the next update?
VastaKustutaThere is one pairing you could try, Braeburn and Little Strong Heart, it seems to be a pretty popular one
Question for all the bronies, since fluttershy was shipped in chapter 5 that leaves out Big Mac.
VastaKustutaDoes anyone besides me what to see Rarity get together with Big Mac for the gentlecolt we all now he is.
@Edwin B.
VastaKustutaThe writer said he hates Big Mac. So I highly doubt that
@Pegasus Rescue Brigade
VastaKustutaAnother excellent chapter, and thank you for FlutterDash. I don't like FlutterMac. It's too boring; they're way too similar. Fluttershy and Dash compliment each other and make for a better couple IMO
@Pontius Possum
VastaKustutaExactly! Someone who understands!
Sure I guess a Fluttermac chapter could be "sweet" and all, but this story focuses more on the antics leading to the relationship then the results once the couple is matched up.
And Fluttershy + Big Mac =/= Antics.
There's your logical explanation, folks.
Ugh, DA... why couldn't this be hosted on some site worth a damn?
VastaKustutaStill, great so far. Keep up the good work (just move it somewhere else)
Would have loved to see how Ditzy planned to bring that scheme to fruition!. Great story!
VastaKustutaThanks
Just like to point out that this story is tagged as 5 star, when it is 4.9 star with 274 votes, it should be 6 star.
VastaKustuta@Asteron
VastaKustutaWhat're the requirements for any story to be 6-star, anyway? I'm not sure myself.
@Pegasus Rescue Brigade
VastaKustuta50+ Ratings
50+ Comments
4.9 Star Rating.
In other words, send Seth an e-mail. This is 6 star.
I actually thought this chapter was the weakest of them all. Not bad, mind you, but it was just lacking that spark that the other ones had. Like it was just going through the motions.
VastaKustutaThe bit with Candyfloss was really nicely done, but otherwise...
I'm on the 4th chapter now, and so far it's been pretty great. I've lost track of the amount of times I wanted to give poor Ditzy a hug, though.
VastaKustutaAnd oh, what's this? Ditzy and Breeze are going to have dinner together? Candyfloss, you mad genius you. That's why you hired her.
Liking this story. Derpy showing some solid thinking outside that box to achieve results. However, I'm interested in seeing if she can simultaneously deal with whatever Glow has in store for her while also pitting her wits against her own daughter. Dinky's smart as a whip, and now that she's decided to start figuring out what her mom's up to, Derpy's eventually gonna have to come clean.
VastaKustutaNot that being a shipping pony's a bad thing, per se. Not really sure why Derpy thinks it is; it's a fairly respectable job that pays well.
It's too hilarious. And yikes, 52 comments on deviantart for this chapter alone. Quite the popular little story!
VastaKustutaShipping stories that feature good stories and aren't godawful romance novels are quite entertaining and popular among all but the most stoic shipping haters.
VastaKustuta@Derpmind
VastaKustutaGoodness, is it that many comments already?
I've been responding quickly and not letting them pile up, so I hadn't noticed.
@DPV111
Exactly. I'm not a fan of shipfics myself when they focus totally on the relationship. My shipping recipe is primarily comedy with a few tablespoons of "d'aaaww" and very little actual mushy stuff. I'd say it's working pretty well.
yes, yes it is working very well. keep up the good work PRB.
VastaKustutaArgh Y I NO TIME TO READ!? This seems almost to funny to not read xD (stop teasing yourself jackass and go study (ok ;_;))
VastaKustutaChapter 7 was probably one of the zaniest, most out of left field things I've read on EqD, but it had me grinning like an idiot the whole time, so that's a plus.
VastaKustutaThe premise is as fresh as ever, and the writing has stayed consistently top notch. I'm always looking forward to the updates! I can't wait to see which two ponies our favorite wall-eyed mailmare will ship together next.
I read chapter 7 and just have to say, Whoa. The pairing you did for that chapter was cute and I can't believe how you managed to keep the story going with all that randomness. I really loved what you did with it.
VastaKustuta... Ditzy had a 'Paranoia Agent' moment. This chapter totally reminded me of that episode. XD
VastaKustuta.....What the fuck did I just read?
VastaKustutaThat story was just the BEST. POSSIBLE. THING!
VastaKustutaAahhh... yeah. Sure. Watt is amazing. Pinkie's absolutely insane. Ditzy gets drunk way too easily.
VastaKustutaGood chapter. Very mentally draining, but good.
Latest chapter. I was allready a fan by the fourth chap, but by golly, this is just building up speed, isn't it?
VastaKustutaWhy, I'd even have to say, toast my crumpets and call me Billy, that chapter was the best yet!
Cocaine is a hell of a drug...
VastaKustutaChapter 7 was the weirdest, most unexpected thing I've ever read in the history of fanfiction ever.
VastaKustutaAnd I loved it so friggin' much.
That latest chapter was EPIC!
VastaKustuta@Conner Cogwork
VastaKustutaI was waiting for someone to mention Rocky's little exclamations! I thought that was one of the funniest things, and no one had mentioned it here on on DA.
Funny, and heart-warming! Keep it up!
VastaKustutamind is dead
VastaKustutafavorite fic.
Shipping company you say ?
VastaKustutaYes... update and new art? YES!
VastaKustutaLong story, but looks like it's worth it!
VastaKustutaStill waiting for this to update...
VastaKustutaYES! IT UPDATED!
VastaKustutaYay, new chapter! Dinky, Twist and CMC antics were so cute and funny! Loved the inclusion of Stalkerloo (though she was the closest to blowing the cover)! I kinda hoped to see their investigation story arc wrapped this chapter and Ditzy's job scene came completely unexpected. Well, I guess I have to wait until the next part.
VastaKustutaThis is one of those fics I almost hope never ends...but alas I'm sure it will, hopefully with an actually ending....of some sort.
VastaKustuta@Melodia
VastaKustutaDon't worry, there will be an actual ending. There will be 12 chapters total, for anyone who hasn't been paying attention to my DA account and doesn't already know, and the ending will bring the story to a tidy conclusion, of course.
Pretty good CMC antics in this chapter.
VastaKustutaYay! Great job, two awesome ships DinkyxPipsqueak and OctyxVinyl
VastaKustutai would prefer if this story is hosted at google docs or fimfiction, too.
VastaKustutaDA isn't soo good for Fanfictions ;/
Know what I think is funny about this fic? Her name's actually Derpy! ={D
VastaKustutaI love this fic so much. Pacing's good, writing's good, characters are well written. Keep it up!
VastaKustutaSaw 2 updates on this, didn't read. On the third one I gave it a go and it is Amazing! Very nice job :)
VastaKustutaAnother great chapter. Well worth the read.
VastaKustutaThe dramatic irony has been doubled for Chapter 9.
VastaKustutaThat was so daaaaaaaaw.
VastaKustutaThis story is so much fun to read. This chapter was especially dawwww inducing! Loved it!
VastaKustutaI wonder, am I the first on EqD to release a chapter containing the Flim Flam bros? Probably not, but who knows.
VastaKustutaThis is perhaps my favorite of the entire story, and I don't even like Pip. Bravo.
VastaKustuta:)
VastaKustutaWait a minute. Trixie + You Know Who AND a camio by Raindrops? Plus all the other awesomeness? Best. Chapter. Ever!
VastaKustutaDAT SETHIXE SHIP, pure gold. :D
VastaKustutaAw man, just got a M.Night Shyamalan pulled on us.
VastaKustutaThat was freaking beautiful. And then the end of the chapter came, and BOOM. Utterly crushing.
VastaKustutaHellooo, Wham Episode!! Finding out which imbecile wants to put her in debtor's prison should be fairly interesting.
VastaKustutaJesus, man... all at once, isn't it? Also, it was amazing how fast my OCphobia turned to sheer squee when I realised who her client was this chapter :D.
VastaKustutaI wonder how long it'll be before Seth comments on this? Excellent story but I still think Trixie ship would have been better if you'd picked a different pony.
VastaKustutaSeth NEEDS to read chapter 10. That was awesome!
VastaKustutaOk, time to get serious.
VastaKustutaI started following this fic the moment it was posted here. It has an interesting premise that I hadn't read before. Your OCs are good, though some need more flushing out. Take Glow: in 10 chapters and a year in story, all I get from her is she's the stuck up bitch that neither the readers or her co-workers are suppose to sympathize with. And she's suppose to be Ditzy's rival; she's the most non-threatening rival I've seen in a long time, doubly so after Ditzy's talk w/ Candyfloss. Why would Ditzy believe anything Glow says? Cause she has hard evidence. From what, her successful ships that she could be lying about. Check those records that you "haven't looked at in months" to make sure she has that hard evidence.
But no problem, I can ignore the rival sub-plot. Ditzy trying, and failing, to hide her job from Dinky was great. That dinner investigation and the sting were both fantastic reads. Breeze and Ditzy's evolving relationship is quite sweet, and I hope to read more of that.
Finally we have Ditzy on the job, where the comedy of the fic really shines. I like the pairings you choose, and the less urgent calls to the shippers have been my favorite job (I'm looking at you Snips and Snails).
But then you give us Pinkie. I say it right now: I don't like 4th wall breaking Pinkies at all. I don't like them because they never feel like they belong in the fic. I like random Pinkies, and I can stand Pinkie sense Pinkies as long as the Pinkie sense isn't a McGuffin or overused Chekhov's gun, but 4th wall Pinkies fail me every time. The only fics I've seen that Pinkie work, and fantastically well, is in fics as completely random and 4th wall breaking as she is.
So we get to Pinkie's...need for a shipper. At first I was like "ok random Pinkie is really random today", but then I was like "umm...wtf Pinkie". That job was hard to read; going from a realistic setting to that, I almost stopped reading. I've never stopped reading a fic once I start (except those 2-star gems deep within EQD archives). But I read through that whole chapter cause it was super extreme Pinkie, so I could force myself to accept it. It was well written, had some good laughs, but it tore me from the story so much, I hope you never touch on Pinkie again. AND at the end of the job Ditzy's like "Well that was weird...see ya". NO, YOU STOP RIGHT THERE! I want answers! Did Pinkie break dimensional barriers? Did I just read Inception starring Pinkie Pie? Did those three ponies drop acid and trip like nopony has ever before? Will we ever be told? No we won't, but I'm fine with that cause it's MOTHERF'ING PINKIE "CHEKHOV'S McGUFFAN" PIE! In Da House. You know what, screw the story of the pony shipper, I wanna go on the marvelous misadventures of Pimkie!
(Seriously though Pegasus Rescue Brigade, Pinkie dropped mad acid with those shippers, didn't she? C'mon, I won't tell nopony she's got connection.)
Please continue on part 2
Part 2
VastaKustutaNow unfortunately, I read this latest update. As stated in paragraph 2, Ditzy doesn't need to worry about Glow. So Ditzy goes on her job, and meets a pony she doesn't recognize. Ok an OC, no problem for me. Yellow coat w/ red spiky mane. No, just a coincidence. Unicorn. Author...this is just a coincidence. Cube cutie mark. NO! Stop it right there! You are playing silly little games with your readers and wouldn't dare break the 5th wall. Any moment now the words would rearrange themselves. And to my surprise they did...
"There was a bright purple flash, blinding Ditzy for a brief second. When she regained her vision, Ditzy gasped.
"'Twilight, what are you doing here? Where's that other pony?'
"'Oh that was me under an illusion spell. I'm ...well ...a little embarrased to have to call a shipper for help, so I traveled far from Ponyville under the cover of a disguise. There's this big hot red stallion I've fallen for, 'cause MacinLight is the best ship for me.'"
Whoops sorry, that's my fic idea coming out. Yes,you wrote Seth into a fic. I don't know why, I don't want to know. I'm guessin' you just want to poke fun at him. Have you heard Seth Michael Cera sound alike speak? I see him more a fan boy with a crush and less creepy multidimensional stalker, so I'll say this is a playful parody. I'm sure the skit was funny, but this was way, way too much for me. I miss my realistic story I had for eight chapters. Congratulation, this will be the first non 2-star fic I won't have read 100%.
Please, no more of anything like this ever again please. Or slap a random tag on this story. Hell that would make everything better.
Rant over, and too tired to edit post.
-Pontius Possum
P.S. Oh I get it now, they were dropping acid while inside Pinkies mind! It all makes sense now
>Cinnamon-coated pinecones
VastaKustutaI lol'd hard.
PLEASE tell me that there is going to be a love triangle between Dr. Whooves, Ditzy Doo and Autumn Breeze.
VastaKustutaThough Twilight Sparkle may end up becoming a contender considering the episode two episodes from now is TIME TRAVEL.
@Pontius Possum
VastaKustutaOk then.
I will admit that is pretty much the harshest criticism anyone on EQD or DA has given me since I began the fic. I also admit I'm a bit surprised that there werne't more people like you commenting in that fashion.
I am aware that I went... WELL beyond normal parameters for both chapter 7 and chapter 10. I expected complaints here and there. But I took those risks because I hoped (if I wrote everything out correctly) that the majority would find it hilarious and entertaining, rather than annoying.
And I was right. The Pinkie chapter and this newest chapter have both brought me a huge amount of praise... and maybe 5% with an opinion like yours.
I'm absolutely not trying to tell you you're wrong. You're just someone with whom it doesn't sit well when the story takes a little break from reality. And, luckily for me, you and those like you are the minority. If you weren't, this fic would be sitting in that 2-star heap in the depths of the archive.
I like this show; but it's a cartoon. I have never felt that it always has to make realistic sense. I feel obligated as always to apologize to a dissappointed reader, so sorry for this, really. I'm going to go off with the 95% of my fans I have left and finish the story now.
If you can bring yourself to ever trust this particular author again, feel free to take a look at my future works; hopefully they'll be down-to-earth enough for you. If you'd rather not, that's fine too.
Thank you for honest feedback.
~PRB
Oh, forgot one thing.
VastaKustutaSeth's appearance in chapter 10 was meant as a friendly shout-out to this wonderful site and its wonderful admins. It was an appreciative gesture more than anything else.
Ahahahaha! Seth! That made me laugh. One of the better insertion fics I've seen. I still think it should have been a side chapter, like a bonus, instead of a full chapter though, so people could ignore it if they so chose.
VastaKustuta@Foufer
VastaKustutaHmm... didn't consider that.
Ah well, I got away with it (mostly) unscathed this time, and I'm not planning on doing something like that again.
Actually, I'm not going to say I got away with it until I see Seth's feedback, since apparently some people convinced him to read it.
@Pegasus Rescue Brigade
VastaKustutaExpect to wait a bit then. Seth's reading the whole darn thing, as he just told me in e-mail.
@Pegasus Rescue Brigade
VastaKustutaI think the main problem some people may have with chapters 7 and 10 is their complete unexpectedness. Nothing else in this fic hinted there is going to be a meta aspect to it. So readers came to expect character driven story you were delivering.
Your writing skill is quite high and at helps overlook certain plots that lie outside the context of the rest of the fic. Still, I think chapter 7 is the lowest point of the fic. It made me skip parts several paragraphs and my opinion of other chapters has always been in 5-6 star range.
I had no problems with chapter 10... That is except one final scene with Seth, Cereal and Phoe. It adds nothing to the story and ruined the mood of the ending for me. I think, its inclusion in main narrative was a mistake.
Why not make these two chapters optional canon, side stories or omakes?
@TechnoTrot
VastaKustutaReally? Seth's going through the whole thing? Didn't expect that.
Well, here's hoping he doesn't send me to the moon or the EQD reeducation center in the Galapagos after he reads chapter 10.
@Pegasus Rescue Brigade I enjoyed the insert, was quite hilarious. Because, that's the point of funny stories, they're supposed to be funny.
VastaKustutaWell except for that last scene :(
@Pegasus Rescue Brigade
VastaKustutaIt was not my goal to sound that harsh to you, So let me apologize. I don't prefer communicating through text; I'm use a lot of body motions and sarcasm in real life. My intent was to try use said sarcasm and humor to critique, but looking back upon my post, yeah it does make me look like a jerk. I know what I want to say and mean, but the details and execution can result in the opposite meaning. I like to spice up my posts, try to stick out from the crowd, but half the time they seem to backfire on me, like my last one.
I truly like this story, seriously I do. Shantara said it best: Ch. 7 & 10 were just too out of nowhere; the mood whiplash of the story was too much for me.
I will continue to read and follow Ditzy's adventures. You are an excellent writer: I should've made that clearer in my first post. It's a lot easier to point out why something doesn't work for me than why something does work well. My brain thinks too much, or not enough. So many posts state an authors' superb skill with a pen. I subconsciously don't want to state the obvious, but I forget that it's this praise that keeps most authors going.
I might only be a name on the internet, but I hate hurting people, in real life or online, whether I mean to or not. So again, I'm sorry and I hope I don't make an idiot jerk of myself again.
-Pontius Possum
I'll just chime in and say that while I agree 7 & 10 were very "out of f***ing nowhere", it's only the premises of those chapters that are questionable. The actual handling and execution were extremely good. No I mean seriously. On a premise only basis I agree 100% that it was a kamikaze move to put that crap in the story, but the really crazy thing is that you actually managed to PULL IT OFF LIKE A BOSS.
VastaKustutaOf course I probably would not have stopped reading even if you had screwed up, especially since I don't really mind surprises as long as they aren't nasty.
@Pontius Possum
VastaKustutaIt's not a problem. Really.
Like I said earlier, you're entitled to your opinion, and it's quite hard to offend me if your complaint is actually well thought out like yours was.
To answer one more concern of yours and Shantara's, one reason I decided not to make these into spinoff chapters is because I have too much backstory to tell and not enough ships to go with it. I'm sure I could make more, but I just don't feel like I could write anything interesting when using certain characters.
Namely: Big Mac, Cheerilee, the wonderbolts, Braeburn, Little Strongheart, Gilda, etc. I just don't like them much, so I couldn't really write about them much. Now Pinkie, and Seth, and Trixie... them I can work with.
Most importantly, I don't understand why a story can't have good characterization and a solid overarching story AND have a few totally wacky moments thrown in. In contrast with what you've said, I really don't feel that they detract from the story just because they aren't what the reader was expecting.
This is a comedy fic after all. And I don't want to add a Random tag because the story as a whole is not random. It just... has its moments, which I think any good story deserves one or two of. And it may just be my strange, strange sense of humor, but I find Pinkie's imaginary adventures and Seth showing up in Equestria to be pretty funny. The only part of this chapter that I agree may have been overkill is the second last scene, where Seth returns to EQD headquarters.
So, now I've properly explained my views on all this. Whether or not you continue to follow along is up to you. Perhaps if this section bugs you too much, you could skip over it; that's what the pagebreaks are for.
No hard feelings of course, Mr. Possum. Your feedback, like everyone else's, is appreciated. And I can assure you, no more off-the-wall stuff for the rest of this fic. Two chapters of it is quite enough.
Confound you, PRB. I've been following this blog for many months now and have never posted. However, I find it necessary for this story. Regardless of what others say, I've throughly enjoyed EVERY part of your story. I'll blend back in with the 95% now :)
VastaKustutaWhy you so good?
VastaKustutaAnd for that matter, after reading yours and other shipfics involving a certain dj, I wanted her for myself. Err, well to write about, not a self insert, that's wrong. So I did and it went well. I guess. Thanks for listening to my rant.
....CHAPTER TEN IS MADE OF INFINITE WIN. XD
VastaKustutaThe most recent chapter is absurd and hilarious, but you deftly threw a big blob of sad toward the end as a cliffhanger. I am really impressed. This story has never been boring, which is what few fictions of any type can claim.
VastaKustutaWell, except the end of the chapter, that is.
VastaKustuta@Pegasus Rescue Brigade
VastaKustutaI'm posting this here in case you do not see it on your DeviantArt page (since I would value your thoughts on my opinion).
I'm going to level with you, PRB: This is probably (in my opinion) your weakest chapter yet, and not because you chose to put Seth in it. I urge you not to take the following criticisms as 'flaming'. This is nothing more than my opinion, and far be it from me to tell you how to write your own story. I just want to share my own thoughts at the things that happened in this chapter.
First - The sudden turn for the dark with Ditzy being told, a year after the fact, that she is going to have to pay one million bits in damages for what happened when she worked at Cloudsdale Mail and Freight is ridiculous. It would not be her responsibility in the legal sense, since accidents as a result of employee negligence, mishandling of a product, or handicap are still the responsibility of the company and not the individual, unless she is facing criminal charges for someone being hurt or killed. She would also have been required to attend any trial to determine fault, especially if the goal was to lay the debt on her. This was clearly not the case here, and she was offered no opportunity to testify on her own behalf or present character witnesses. The mere fact that the lawyers would be taking such pains to have the fees laid at the hooves of a single pony, who is a middle class single mother at best, is also well outside the bounds of reality. They would have no reason to make a case against Ditzy, not only because she is no longer in the employ of the company they're suing, but also because no pony at her wages would ever be able to realistically pay off the debt. Making a strong case against Cloudsdale Mail and Freight, on the other hand, a case which would be EASILY won considering the evidence, would result in the only worthwhile conclusion (the suing party getting the money they want).
Second - There is no logical reason for Dinky to have been turned down by the Academy. Twilight Sparkle's own studies in flashbacks were shown to only be self-study, and the only other magical schooling reference we receive is the single phrase "Magic Kindergarten". That being said, the school board still held a test of Twilight's magical aptitude before approving her for the school, a test that there is no reason to deny Dinky because the school serves to lose nothing by testing her (and if the test requires a fee, they'd still profit from it). This comes off as a rather transparent attempt to create even more drama in this chapter, causing a significant amount of mood whiplash in a story that was previously pretty lighthearted (with the closest thing to a villain being the character Glow).
Third - This story did not need to be made any darker than it already was. Glow was already serving as a perfect villainous foil to Ditzy, and her own perspective on the entire concept of "love" was an excellent way of generating discord in the story. The steady buildup of rage at Ditzy nearing her record, with the possibility of it building up to mentally unstable and drastic measures further into the tale, makes Glow a villain with a clear mindset and motive that we can understand and possibly even relate to. All of this drama (the fine, the rejection from the academy) is completely and totally superfluous to a story which was previously focusing on one main point: "Can love begun by a matchmaking service truly be real?"
With all that said, I hope you don't take offense to anything said here. As previously stated, this is just my opinion, and while I know it is simply a story, review and analysis is what I do. I never read any story without a critical eye.
@Mason Trowel
VastaKustutaSaw it on DA and responded there.
Thanks for your feedback.
Just commenting to say that I'm really enjoying this fic. Even when it goes in the most bizarre directions possible, the execution of it all somehow works and results in something truly awesome. XD Keep up the great work!
VastaKustutaAnd the march toward the end begins. Obviously being a comedy fic this should have a nice happy ending, but I can't wait to see the journey.
VastaKustutaIf a certain blue unicorn jackpony doesn't die at the end of this, then you have failed as a storyteller.
VastaKustutaKidding, but seriously, I hope something absolutely awful happens to her.
Great build-up in this last chapter. The story about Ditzy's husband dying brought a tear to my eye. A loving parent and husband willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for the two things he loves most...beautiful. I can't wait for the end to see that bitch Glow get hers, and I can totally see Breeze and Ditzy together.
VastaKustutaGreat story so far and keep it up!
Uggggh, had this post mostly complete and then a mis-click caused my phone to eat the post. And I know it read better the first time.
VastaKustutaAnyway, finally got around to reading this and I am glad I did, it was excellent.
Personally, I had no issues with chapters 7 & 10 because of the previously established world building. IMO, any fic that has Pinkie demonstrating 4th wall powers, which this one has since nearly the beginning, has already established two important facts. 1) If there is a fourth wall to break, then there must be something on the other side of that wall, and 2) Pinkie must have some sort of dimension hopping powers in order to break that wall in the first place. Plus you pulled it off pretty well too, so good job.
Decided to finally give this fic a go, and aside the amount of facehoofing chapters 7 and 10 caused (I nearly stopped reading because they were both so much out of fricken nowhere, hilarious as they were), I am liking this story. Granted, like Mason Trowel said above this IS straining credulity a fair bit(the end of chapter 10 especially), but I'll let this slide for now because the story is otherwise so damn good.
VastaKustutaHere's looking forward to the rest of it :D
@FoxOfWar
VastaKustutaYes I know.
I didn't really feel those chapters detracted from the story, per se, and they were both very popular, but just to be safe, I think I'm going to keep the randomness of that scale out of my stories in the future, unless that's the whole point.
You got to admit though, after the recent Pinkie episode, is chapter 7 REALLY that far out of Pinkie's realm of abilities?
@PRB:
VastaKustutaOkay, you got me there. That isn't indeed to far from Pinkie being Pinkie, in there end.xP
It wasn't really that the randomness is bad in itself, it just felt so out of place from the story so far. But I guess I'm a-ok with it in the end.
IS THAT VEGGIE I SEE ON THE COVER?!
VastaKustuta@Fadedink
VastaKustutaWho?
That's Ditzy, Dinky, and the five OC's from this story. Together, they're the seven mane characters.
@Pegasus Rescue Brigade
VastaKustutaThat use of "mane" instead of "main" was actually unintentional! I am spending entirely too much time on pony...
for part ten...
VastaKustutaI see what you did there!!
Part 10-11
VastaKustutaMaking me cry, man... Poor Ditzy..
Aww.. poor ditzy.
VastaKustutaThis sounds like such a fun concept...if I read fanfics at all. I'm sorry I'm not a big fan of reading, at least digitally
VastaKustutaCandyfloss is best shipper.
VastaKustutaThat was great! Happy ending!!
VastaKustutaIs there a name for that feeling you get when you've finished a long, good series, that sort of lovely satisfaction at seeing all the loose ends tied up and coming to a beautiful close, overshadowed by a slight depression that the story you've followed and loved for so long has come to an end, that it's over and there won't be anymore?
VastaKustutaIs there a name for that? Because this is the strongest I've felt it in a long time. Almost worse than Brisingr.
My life is now empty without this story. ;__; But it was one of the most beautiful stories I've ever read. :3
VastaKustutaMy life is now empty without this story. ;__; But it was one of the most beautiful stories I've ever read. :3
VastaKustutaAnd it ends. Pegasus Rescue Brigade should take a bow, as that was truly one of the best stories on the site, and it had a perfect ending too. The whole thing felt tight, and it had a great arc, and many other things I could say.
VastaKustutaFarlum.
Whoa you guys.
VastaKustutaIt's not super-apparent here on EQD, but I am getting FLOODED with positive feedback on DA and FimFiction. I can't even keep up with it all!
Glad to see this little project of mine turned into something so popular!
Cheers on a great finish to a great story, PRB. Looking forward to your future works!
VastaKustutaI guessed, by the way,
[SPOILERS FOR THE LAST CHAPTER, for anyone who hasn't read it yet]
that Candyfloss was somehow involved in getting Ditzy fired so that she'd end up with Breeze. Seeing his journal entry at the end was quite heartwarming.
Thanks for writing this. Reading it made me happy.
It was all I could do to keep myself from falling on the ground laughinf in sheer ecstasy during chapter 10. This. Is. Amazing.
VastaKustutaI loved everything that happened in this story. I cannot succinctly describe how wonderful everything worked together to create a near perfect story. You have an exceptional grasp of characterization and a perfect sense of tension and romance.
VastaKustuta@Multiversity Who said there wouldn't be any more? Blasphemy! Think of all the ponies still in need of shipping!
VastaKustutaThis is such an amazingly adorable, funny, sweet, and truly magical story. This has touched me deeply, and I'm crying manly tears of joy.
VastaKustutaSo incredibly sweet. I cannot recommend this one enough! :)
Such a sweet ending. I am a total sucker for endings like these. DitzyxBreeze is such a cute pairing! So happy I found this story when it first posted. And even with the main story over, there's so much room for side stories(weddings anypony?). Sad to see this one end but thats cuz it's so good. Definitely rereading and bravo to RescueBrigade for giving us this fine work. *Twilight clap*
VastaKustutaWow.
VastaKustutaI mean really wow!
Very sweet and entertaining.
Nice and lighthearted.
Plus you can sort of read a lot of it like stand alone stories, making the break between each one a lot easier to handle (So I'm not having to stay up til 3am to absolutely finish it lol)
Excellent reading ^^
I loved it. I loved almost all of it. The only thing that I would have preferred would have been if Screwball had taken Glow's horn instead of her mane. That would have been some karmic justice.
VastaKustutaOther than that, I'll go to my oft-used but little-known quote from another kid's series:
"I laughed, I cried... It moved me, Bob."
@OtterMatt
VastaKustutaLittle known perhaps, but not little known enough to escape me.
I believe you're quoting Larry the Cucumber.
DAMN! That was good!
VastaKustutaI am an adult male and I could not stop squeeing through this entire chapter
VastaKustutaThis should have a complete tag now.
VastaKustutaAlso: loved the story :)
@Spectrum Speed
VastaKustutaYou're right, there's still an incomplete tag there.
Well, that's Seth's derp, not mine.
i haven't seen so much 4th wall in a long time xD
VastaKustutaI finally found the time to go through and finish up the main story. I won't say that the Seth chapter wasn't out of place, and I won't say that the story laid things on thicker than it needed to in the couple chapters following, but the last chapter did generally do a good job making sure everything was taken care of; so I can't really complain. Good job. I'll check the bonus chapter as soon as I can.
VastaKustutaVery informative post. Keep sharing this kind of information.
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