[Sad]
Author: Ambion
Description: Pinkie Pie thought she knew all of Ponyville. She was wrong. One pony was left to dark loneliness, yet closer to Pinkie than she could have ever imagined.The Pie not Squared
Additional Tags: Pinkamena, perspective, schizophrenia, shared tears, melancholy
32 comments:
first?
ReplyDeletefirst!
ReplyDeleteAww, I talk to myself all the time because I'm such a great listener! Like this one time when I wasn't sure whether to go with the purple streamers or the orange duck and then I ate some waffles.
ReplyDeleteAnd NORMAL stories will NEVER see the light of day here ever again! Mwahahahaha!
ReplyDeletehmmmmm... its not that sad a story. well written, but the conflict is resolved and leaves no lasting impact on Pinkie. She gets sad, then happy with no memory of what happened. The conflict bears no results. Still, a nice read, just not as sad as it could have been.
ReplyDelete@L337pony
ReplyDeleteThank you, I'm always looking for more feedback in my quest to develop. I see your point, but it's more in context of "what ever happened" to Pinkamena. I'm actually kind of glad you don't find it too sad, I wasn't aiming for that.
Yes, Pinkie Pie forgets the whole thing, but Pinkamena remembers. Wherever she is now, she'll always remember...
Constructive Criticisms please and thanks!
@Pinkie Pie
ReplyDeleteOf course; it's the best way to make sure you're interested in both sides of the conversation. (Except for me; I have a bad habit of boring myself to tears.)
Anyway... I'm not going to read this story, so I won't rate it or comment on it, but I've got to ask: am I the only person in this fandom who likes Pinkie Pie as she is, with no further backstory than what's given in The Cutie Mark Chronicles, and specifically without any dark/sad/schizophrenic explanation for her hypercheerfulness?
Wow.
ReplyDeleteThere is a fine, fine line between a wonderful, deeply sad story and the abyss of an overstatement. This fic manages it to dance along this line without stumbling or falling into the abyss.
Didn't read the story yet. But I have to say the description is fantastic! It doesn't blatantly tell you what it's about, yet it becomes pretty obvious paired with the title. And making that realization by yourself would leave a stronger impression.
ReplyDelete@jodyjm13
You're definitely not the only one! In fact, sometimes I feel like I'M the only one who likes all the dark/sad stuff... So you have NOTHING to worry about! :D
If you're talking about a more fleshed out official back story for Pinkie Pie, then you KNOW we'd all be interested in that!
Cure story
ReplyDelete@Pinkie Pie: Honestly, who doesn't talk to themselves? >>'
@Rainbow Dash
ReplyDeleteI've never heard Applejack talk to herself.
Actually, I think I've heard her say it's strange and unnatural whenever we do it.
Then she gets quiet for a while before saying something about apples and galloping away.
For what it was, I thought it did well what it was trying to portray. I like the aspect that Pinkie, as a character, has MPD (I like that as an aspect in any character), and I think you portrayed that beautifully. Well done.
ReplyDelete@Josh Spicer Yeah, as a fanfic writer, I have to say, MPD is a fun thing to play with when it comes to Pinkie, but then again it's just as fun with Pinkie being normal.
ReplyDeleteI found it sad, but I sympathize with Pinkamena a lot as well, at least the fanon that basically has her as a split personality locked away most of the time.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to have read a story where Pinkamena isn't a psychopath. She's just sad and lonely.
ReplyDeleteI kinda wonder if they'll make that personality appear again in season 2, or perhaps arise somewhere else in time. Fluttershy had her rage issues, but in season 2, episode 2, it popped up again, even after she turned back to normal.
CUPCAKES!
ReplyDelete@dublio
ReplyDeleteI speculate if Pinkie DOES go psycho, her hair would actually be bubbly. I feel like Pinkamena is the depressive episode, while Pinkie would be the manic. Not necessarily good or bad.
I really like that. I'm a 'multiple' so it sounded pretty familiar to stuff that's happened with me before!
ReplyDeleteWhich makes me think that the 'schizophrenic' additional tag seems a little off for this fic. It comes across more as DID (formally known as Multiple Personality Disorder), even down to the amnesia about the person and the specifics of the event.
Anyway, good job! :)
@jodyjm13
ReplyDeleteSounds like somepony needs to watch "Bridle Gossip" again (don't judge a book by its cover). :)
I'd have to say that this story adheres to canon more than any other I have read - not even a hint of Cupcakes. The characterization is perfect and nothing new is added; it's actually a very sweet finale to "Party of One".
And I love Pinkie Pie just as she is depicted in the show - she is a wonderful source of joy and inspiration that has helped me so much - but for those who are schizophrenic (like myself), or are dealing with MPD, the Pinkamena derivations are one of the greatest attractive aspects of the show. That something so seemingly saccharine and frivolous would actually acknowledge and depict such taboo subjects is just incredible.
@ Ambion
This is a great little story! The grammar is a bit awkward in places, but it is very well done otherwise.
It is very much appreciated when authors tackle this subject and treat it so respectfully, so thank you. So many try to ignore or deny this sort of thing, but there are many people who deal with them daily and it gets very painful to see the things I appreciate and love being regularly scorned and ridiculed.
This was a very sad story for me. My disorders put me in a situation that is essentially a mirror of the Pinkie Pie/Pinkamena dichotomy: My dominant aspect would be Pinkamena, with rare glimpses of Pinkie Pie. I daresay I understand Pinkamena's actions and choices and what she is going through, as well as Pinkie Pie's desperate attempts to find a peaceful harmony. And so I read it from Pinkamena's viewpoint, which is what makes it so sad.
Job well done, thank you again!
@Pinkie Pie I'm glad you managed to conquer Pinkamena and hopefully those creepy nightmares you told me about will leave with her.
ReplyDelete@Scorched Wing
ReplyDeleteI'll admit that, at first glance, I thought this fanfic was going to be another in a series portraying the Pinkie/"Pinkamena" concept in some dark or cynical way; after reading several comments in this thread, including yours, I've decided to give it a chance. And I'm glad that Pinkie Pie, in the show and related fanfics, is a source of encouragement for you; I pray that you and Umbreon13 continue to gain strength and hope from this little universe created by Lauren Faust.
@umbreon13You're right of course. The problem is that the general public instantly associates DID with schizophrenia and vice versa. The similarities between outward symptoms of DID and schizophrenia spectrum disorders don't help either. To make it worse, the psychology profession continually revises the definitions of everything, making it so only the psychologists know what is what.
ReplyDelete@jodyjm13
Thanks! We muddle along as best we can, but it is nice to find something like this that helps us on our way.
And I must say I am quite impressed that you recanted and read the story. Many would not bother to do so, but you have shown a maturity above and beyond the norm - and that is just freaking AWESOME! :)
I just finished reading the story, and yes, my fears were groundless. While it was, of necessity, a fairly sad story, it did keep true to Pinkie Pie's spirit; and despite Pinkamena's protestations, whatever problems she has, she's also a decent pony at her core. The prose was sometimes overwrought and there was some awkward grammar at times, but on the whole it was well-written. It was a very moving, thoughtful, and loving story that warmed my heart... and then the last page hit me like a ton of bricks. Excellent job, Ambion.
ReplyDeleteThis story needs a beta reader, or another if it already has one. It has awkward language choice throughout and several spelling and grammatical errors as well.
ReplyDeleteTruth isn't bad. It can seem bad though when it threatens our way if thinking.
ReplyDeleteFirst thing is, well done! It's well written, and the irony bites.
ReplyDeleteI have two constructive comments; hope you don't find them too negative.
The language is gorgeously diverse, and even poetic at times. I liked it, but for some people I could see that it could be too much. Generally, if in doubt, err on the side of being concise rather than excessive lingual ornamentation - although, as I say, I actually liked it.
The second thing is that as a story it's a little thin. It works for us bronies, because we already know the background and the premise of the story. And obviously your story doesn't have to work for people who've never heard of MLP, but perhaps it could do with a little more background and explanation in the beginning. It could perhaps also do with a bit more of a plot line - yes of course, it's a one-shot fic, and more really of a sketch than a plot. But it's just something to think about.
Hope that wasn't too negative - I did like it :)
Wow, I hadn't expected all these reactions. I'll address them as I can:
ReplyDelete@ParaspriteHugger : I'm glad you found it to be balanced, I was quite worried I hadn't kept this to the middle of the road. Not easy to do for me.
@Streek471 and @dublio : Yes, Pinkamena is a flawed individual, and yes she doesn't have an absolute grip on perception, but that doesn't make her any different from anyone else with needs for contact and connection.
@Sgt Applejack: I've never read that fic. I don't intend to anytime soon.
@umbreon13 : my mistake. My first hand knowledge of such conditions is limited, so I used the word Schizophrenic rather arbitraily. I don't really have the proper words to label what Pinkie/Pinkamena is, instead I just wrote from the image and feelings I had in my head that seemed right.
@Scorched Wing : the concept sprung up from "Party of One." I just wanted to explore what happened to Pinkamena and ended up here. I have a deep respect for emotion and mind, so I hope I show that here. I find myself seeing the context from Pinkamena's perspective as well.
@Jodyjim13 : oh wow, thank you. I do tend to go somewhat off of tangents with wordplay, but it's something I work on continuously. I'm still finding my balance with phrasing. Thank you! I don't know what else to say... just wow.
@Dark Horizons : You're right to notice them. So far I do most of the editing myself, and while I've got a very dear family member I perpetually bombard with my randomness and the very helpful pre-readers to catch the most glaring flaws, I've yet to get a dedicated mind slave / editor.
@Tamar : I always appreciate well meaning criticism. It helps me further myself, do don't worry. I'm glad you like the way of prose I write, but for whatever reason I default to it instead of concisness (which I find harder).
As thinness goes, I will keep that in mind with my upcoming fics.
Once again, I have to just sit back a second and remember that bronydom is incredible. I hadn't expected half as much feedback, or anything nearly as insightful and profound as what I've already found here is. I'm really glad for everyone who read, commented, and/or criticised.
Thank you.
@ambion
ReplyDeleteIt'll probably be a week before I have time to do it, but if you're looking for a volunteer to go over your story, trying to catch misspellings and grammar goofs that got missed earlier, I'd be willing to do so. And most of your wordplay tangents, as you put it, work out very well for the story, but there were a few scenes where I felt reining it in a little would've helped. Still, I'm glad I read the story, and think it's a worthwhile fanfic.
@jodyjm13
ReplyDeleteI'm happy to see Pie up, and I'm done with this story as it is. But I've got a few others in the works (a 20 pager that I've just completed the first draft of) and a few others of varying stages in development. If you're volunteering, I'd sure appreciate the assistance.
@ambion
ReplyDeleteI've got a busy week coming up, but depending on how things go, I should have time this coming Sunday. Send me an email if that'll work out for you; I've got a gmail.com account using my full name (jody.morgan).
An interesting read. Because of your style, there were a few parts that I had to reread to understand what was happening, especially the first page.
ReplyDeleteMy one big problem with the story is that Pinkie's character doesn't grow in any way. In fact, it's more like we lose some of it.
@Wierdplatformer
ReplyDeleteHadn't considered that. I suppose it's negative growth, though to me Pinkamena is the character here who grows, not Pinkie. It depends on how you perceive it all I guess.
-I'm looking for a few readers willing to help me out with editing and pre-reading various things so as to help me improve my story writing and the products of such. Please contact me at imambion@gmail.com if you're interested in this. Greatly appreciated.-