[Shipping][Grimlight]
Author: Applejinx
Description: When the weekly DnD game loses its savor, the ponies decide to explore a mysterious castle in the Everfree Forest, and discover astonishing, terrifying and wonderful things...
The Old Castle (New Part 4!)
Additional Tags: Sad, Appledash, With, Happy, Ending
46 comments:
Zeroth
ReplyDeleteWow, poor Applejack gets the hay kicked out of her in this. Excellently written, though. :) Part one's image of Applejack holding onto the rope until she literally freezes to death, and even _then_ not letting go, should be one of the iconic examples of earth pony hardiness IMO.
ReplyDeleteA rewrite? The first was already awesome! How could this get better...
ReplyDeleteNormal? Sorry, but with everything that happens to AJ, that's not a fair tag at all. How about dark or grimlight? Sorry, but there was WAY too much description in there for a normal!
ReplyDelete~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteSo, this is kinda hard to follow... all the random lighthearted dialogue during the crisis makes it seem... off.
ReplyDeleteWait... this story looks oddly familiar ?
ReplyDeleteWhat ? Its page was totally erased of all old comments, and story reposted ? ...because I'm sure I had 'commented' here in the past ?
As for part two, doesn't Ponyville have a hospital/ICU/clinic or whatever it is with trained medical staff down the street from the library? But they decided to fix her legs like that by themselves.
ReplyDeleteKnow what else the hospital probably has? MORPHINE. Just saying.
having suffered I severe compound fracture, reading this made me nauseous
ReplyDeleteChapter Two is a nice companion to Chapter One. We see AJ as a hero and then her friends get to rescue her. Her resolve is praised, yet her stubborn nature is cautioned as well. After all the hardships, AJ still comes out herself. This is both amazing to behold and yet also completely believable. No doubt due to the skill of the writer.
ReplyDeleteThe story Updates said it was completely revamped, but Chapter One looks about the same. Perhaps I misunderstood what Seth meant, or maybe the Google Docs link is wrong. I wonder...
This is not Normal! This is death and mutilation of AJ, with happy ending. Normally severe bodily harm is reserved for pegasi, and labeled some mixture of Sad, Dark, Grimlight or Grimdark. At the very least, this is grim.
ReplyDeleteDeus Ex Hospitala would kind of negate the whole of chapter 2's impact, if trained medical staff took over.
Rainbow Dash seems particularly wussy here. Not sure I like that, but sure. And Applejack, you stubborn idiot.
Hmmm...I'm honestly on the fence about this chapter. For the most part it's well paced and executed, and certainly the consequences are a logical result of AJ's stubborn personality. And certainly there the suspense was properly maintained when the rest of the Mane Six tried to straighten out AJ's bones. Also it's got fewer logical niggles than the previous story going for it. (I assume they couldn't get to the hospital because of the pain AJ was in and because Twilight had used up so much magic getting them out of the castle.) Nothing wrong with it taken alone.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand when placed next to the previous chapter it just feels awkward. AppleJack goes through one grievous physical ordeal only to go through another (albeit separated by the author's treatment of each ordeal -- this one being more visceral and gut wrenching). This is probably my personal preference more than anything, but I get the feeling that a follow-up to the first Old Castle story would have benefited from a change of tack: either another adventure story with a shift in focus away from AJ, or RD tending to AJ while she recovers. (Then again I can be a total soppy romantic.)
Yeah, I don't know. You are very hard on AJ, and I can't help but wonder why.
ReplyDelete@Baree
ReplyDeleteYeah, it's fun, but it's no Dash abuse. :p
Part 1:
ReplyDelete>By the time they reached the old castle
>“I... I think this might be from the Cro-Pony period!
-She sees CASTLE walls and thinks ''Oh, duh, cro-ponies of course !'' ? How ?
You do know that ''castles'' didn't exist back in the prehistoric era (if you didn't intent that era, then the ''cro-'' has even less reason to be), right ? I seriously doubt that Twilight wouldn't know that, rather basic, fact.
>It may pre-date unicorns coming to this area!”
-By the dark gods of the Internet... What's that damn nonsense, again!
The Earth ponies, pegasi AND unicorns ALL existed virtually at the same time... So, that ''thing'' of having unicorns ''appear'' one day is simply ridiculous, really.
It REALLY doesn't start that story well...
>“I have to say, I’m with Rarity on this one.” said Twilight. “You notice, there’s no spoor...”
>“But that’s how we can tell there aren’t any animals or monsters here!
-Again! Twilight really doesn't act like her normal 'intelligent' self, at all there... animals could VERY simply go 'poop' OUTSIDE, you know, in the large FOREST...
Also, someone seems to forget that Fluttershy IS the most knowledgeable in animals and everything related to them. She would most likely know this.
>“I... It’s the Everfree Forest. Weather doesn’t answer to pegasi here.”
-Weather IS generated naturally and wildly in the Everfree Forest, yes... BUT! It doesn't mean that a pegasus can't manipulate the weather; just that it wouldn't be very effective, and probably rather temporary (and maybe necessitate more than 1 pegasus).
>“Well, clearly not Cro-Pony then, because of the entirely anachronistic technology
-The CASTLE walls KINDA already proves that, yes...
(later : Also, it's rather pointless since it doesn't do anything in the story.)
>but it would still almost certainly predate unicorn...”
-(siiiigh !) *Boot to the Head* !
>“Well! Darling, we got home safely through that hideous storm, with no help from her, I’ll have you know.”
-''And of course we never thought that AJ 'not being with us', after escaping a dangerous castle in the middle of a big snowstorm, was any suspicious at all.'' ...riiiight ? It must be *at least* 15-30min of walk from that place to Ponyville, and they didn't think that being 2 in a group of 3 was maybe a little odd, during all that time ?
>Rainbow Dash looked her in the eye. “You... died.”
-She probably wasn't ''dead''-dead, but rather in some sort of coma... vital signs and heartbeat going down to a low/slow rate/level, preserving her life just long enough...
Seriously, that kind of things already happened before, in real-life.
Part 2:
ReplyDelete>It had been nearly a week since the incident at the old castle, and she’d seen little of Applejack and Rainbow Dash.
-What do you bet that they didn't even think of going to; say... an HOSPITAL, or even just a small clinic, to check on AJ's condition with professionals.
>she’d been bedridden for days with her muscles wrecked from her dreadful near-death experience
>Twilight had hit the books to support her injured friend, and returned with advice that was probably all kinds of sensible
-...yeeeeah, it's not like a trained medic in a hospital would have done a better job... Oh wait ?
>It would be a major expedition >Applejack and Rainbow Dash volunteered immediately
-Yeah, nothing is better for a person/pony who recently almost ''died'' to go in an heavy adventure, without having consulted a competent medical advisor, absolutely !
>The country pony had dark, dark circles under her eyes, and her recuperation had been going badly.
-Which is why she's in this 'exhausting' adventure, nothing more relaxing and good for your health.
>I can’t hold you! Do I lay you on your side? What must I do?”
-Huh ? The other are already 10miles further or something ?
...what, NO pony waited for their WOUNDED friend ? Not even RD who's ''supposed'' to be worried for AJ ? Seriously ?
>“Oh, you poor dear! I’ll get the others...”
>“Don’t... you dare!” managed Applejack.
-One would have thought that AJ would have learned from the Applebuck Season event...
>the larger mare staggered, the tendons in her neck standing out even worse and the breath hissing through her tightly gritted teeth until she resumed her gentle pace.
>“Cain’t hear you.”
-AJ is proud and quite stubborn from time to time, ok... BUT! she's not dumb !
And this last a FULL page.
This is going worse and worse...
>An instant later, the stone came down upon her hind legs with a ground-shaking thud- and a sickening crunch.
-Oh really now ! The author doesn't seem to be even ''trying''.
Aka: *pointless and forced inflicted pain for ''half-drama''*
(sigh)
>Spike ran over. “I got it! Are you going to help her? Can Twilight fix her?”
-HOSSSSS - PIIIIIII - TALLLLLLL ! Repeat with me.
Ponyville HAS nurses and doctors, you do know that, right ?
>It’s much more complicated, the body has natural healing processes you can’t mess with!
-Wait, let me check those several THOUSANDS sources, books, games, etc, that show ''healing'' magic, potions, etc working... Should take me only 10years.
Just because SHE can't do it, doesn't give her the right to say that it plainly doesn't exist.
>“Wait! I think I can probably use my magic to do that...”
-Oh yeah, she can move and mend bones, but she can't ''heal'' even partially... Logic ? What's that ?
...Skipping stuff, skipping stuff, more frustrating things, skipping stuff, why am I reading again? I do not know...
>as the earth pony’s keening worsened,
>as Applejack began to pound the ground with a forehoof,
>The air was split with a horrible scream, as Applejack’s endurance gave way-
>and then, five more screams, for the tormented pony
>before collapsing with horrible shuddering cries.
-You know... it got mildly boring after the last 20hours of pain, screaming, and pain, and not going to a HOSPITAL/Clinic... Just saying.
>Applejack chuckled, weakly, and nuzzled against Rainbow Dash’s neck again.
-Ahhh... right... For real, I had completely forgot that there was ''supposed'' to be some light shipping in this story.
>“Until you’ve recovered, and your casts have come off!”
-Oh yeah, NOW she's gonna rest and get better... just one Part and 2-3 legs too late.
>“I can see how that would be a problem for you, yeah...”
-I don't get it ? Also... this ends there, like that, really ?
-----
@Nova25
ReplyDelete-----
For once, I will say that I may have been focusing more than usual on what was wrong and bad, but...(sigh)
There's an idea here, in this story, a potentially good idea for real... But its execution, well, should be ''executed''. Details that are irrelevant to the story, like that 'cro-pony' thing and the 'unicorns didn't exist before some point in the past', are thrown and never used... and seriously, about HALF of Part 2 is PURELY dedicated at throwing stuff at AJ, wounding her, showing her in pain, showing her suffering slowly and painfully, all this stretched to a point were it's relatively annoying.
What was supposed the story to be about again ? The adventure of 6 ponies ? The shipping and evolution of the relations between AJ and RD ? Seeing AJ suffer needlessly for the major part of the story ?
There was a good idea in there, but the 'Focus' was REALLY put at the wrong places, and it got buried pretty fast.
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ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete@Nova25
ReplyDeleteYou know, I hate posters like you. I was once a poster, like you, when I was a moderator on an extremely large roleplaying Warcraft server. I criticized applications; I made paragraphs about every sentence, and the application was huge. My very response stretched the board and moved past the 5,000 letter cap of each post. Like yours, which passed the cap.
You don't understand that the way you put forth your criticism is not criticism; it is complete, and utter blatant flaming. Yes, you may genuinely be trying to help the author fix it up, but for the love of god just look at what you replied and put yourself in the author's place. Just stare at your response for 1 minute. Please.
You are ridiculously overcriticique, and criticize everything like I did for the sake of criticizing. You do nothing but fill the author of whatever you criticized with rejection and being disappoitned. Some of these breakings of logic or the such had to be made to make the story go the way the author wanted it, or were genuine, small mistakes that you could have in a far more light-hearted manner pointed out.
This is just ...
I've no words, man. The story was completely fine in my point of view, I read it a bit ago, but only now did I check the comments section past the first few posts.
I hope you'll take my response seriously, Nova25.
/continuerant because I read it again and I just feel my post wasn't enough.
ReplyDelete>-...yeeeeah, it's not like a trained medic in a hospital would have done a better job... Oh wait ?
>-You know... it got mildly boring after the last 20hours of pain, screaming, and pain, and not going to a HOSPITAL/Clinic... Just saying.
>Aka: *pointless and forced inflicted pain for ''half-drama''*
(sigh)
Your sarcasm. Your utterly disregarding attitude, this is not criticism. How could I even call it criticism? This was simply you throwing your rage on the author. You should never respond to a fanfic again in your life. Just look,
at your damn post.
What is with the sarcasm? WHY are you "criticizing" the author when all you do is flame, flame, flame? What is the POINT of the sarcasm? It's as though, with your entire post, you on purpose tried to make it look as penetrating and skin-tearing as possible. It's as though you sat hours through and through, writing and planning on how to best get under somebody's skin. Do you know how ridiculous and pathetic this is?
>What was supposed the story to be about again ?
For example. WHY.
WHY. Was this. Needed? Express to me, openly and clearly, why the buck was that needed? You're trying to be a smartflank, or something? What is the POINT, of that sentence?
To criticize? No, you aren't telling him to fix something. To get under his skin? Yeah, you seem to have did. To attack him? Check. To flame him? Check. To troll him? Check. To fix his fic? Nope. To actually try and comfort him in the wake of your ridiculous post? Nope.
So tell me, what the hell, was the point of that sentence?
>...Skipping stuff, skipping stuff, more frustrating things, skipping stuff, why am I reading again? I do not know...
>-By the dark gods of the Internet... What's that damn nonsense, again!
>-Weather IS generated naturally and wildly in the Everfree Forest, yes... BUT! It doesn't mean that a pegasus can't manipulate the weather; just that it wouldn't be very effective, and probably rather temporary (and maybe necessitate more than 1 pegasus).
Bull bucking horsecrap. Got a source? Of course you don't. So get the buck off his side, and take your daggers with you.
This entire thing is pathetic, and I am boiling from even the contemplation that someone like you exists here.
@Nova25
ReplyDelete"Details that are irrelevant to the story, like that 'cro-pony' thing and the 'unicorns didn't exist before some point in the past', are thrown and never used"
Another poster in the previous thread said exactly the same thing, and I spent a lot of time and went through four revisions with critiques much like yours, both on /fic/ and from EqD prereaders, to get the new Chapter One.
That's not it. The version we worked on and okayed was never posted. I've asked for help with it and have also asked that it be retagged 'grimdark' or maybe 'grimlight' if they have it, because it's not morally dark. You were reading the original fic and then chapter two which depends on the chapter one which you didn't see. I apologize on behalf of whoever fumbled the update- I did give them the real link, and it was me who asked that the thread be wiped- now I wish I hadn't, should've left it alone.
Zamoonda is my friend... I'm going to read his response because emotionally I need to see that right now, but please man, don't be too mad, OK? As long as there ends up being somebody who likes this I got to count it as some kind of okay. It's just too early to say because you can't read ch 1 going into ch 2 without the real ch 1... of course it doesn't work, like that.
@Zamoonda
ReplyDelete>You know, I hate posters like you.
-It's your right... even if I don't see why or agree with the ''strange'' given reasons ?
>My very response stretched the board and moved past the 5,000 letter cap of each post.
-Yeeees ? Big comments are big, indeed ?
What do you want me to do about it... not say half of what I wanted to say ? That wouldn't make for a very true ''comment''.
-Comments are comments, and their number and length is only limited by how many thing you want to say and by how much you want to say stuff...
What do you expect, honestly ?
>You don't understand that the way you put forth your criticism is not criticism
-Did I ever said I was making a ''rewiew'' ? It's a comment, not a detailed review, point by point, of the story... only what ''hit'' me as I was reading.
>Yes, you may genuinely be trying to help the author fix it up, but for the love of god just look at what you replied and put yourself in the author's place.
-I read a story, think and wonder about what I'm CURRENTLY reading, write some impression and thoughts caught on the moment, recheck quickly for some MINOR edits, post COMMENT.
Basicly, but not entirely limited to that, what transpired as I read the story... those comments are only that, most of the time, and should REALLY not be taken out-of-proportion... like trying to make *mountains out of molehills*.
You look at the comments, think and wonder about them and... ultimately... *shrug* and read the next one OR start thinking too about things that you may not have thought about otherwise.
>You do nothing but fill the author of whatever you criticized with rejection and being disappoitned.
-...? If you say so.
Last time I checked I wasn't the only one on the Internet.
Surely, for each person who did not fully ''appreciated'' SOME(but not all) of the elements of the story, there will be 10 people saying ''OMG! This was the greatest thing I ever read in my life!''
>The story was completely fine in my point of view
-That's the thing with stories... multiple people, multiple point of view... and many-many comments.
Also, small note here, just saying that one isn't *forced* to be '0% Pure Hate OR 100% Total LOVE ++11!!', you know... one can like some stuff in a story, and not 'appreciate' the rest.
>I hope you'll take my response seriously, Nova25.
-Yes. But, ultimately, it's a comment that is read, that I and people will maybe think about, then go on the next comment.
People should let comments stop or be the end of their world... there are just words and information (if done politely, of course).
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteYou're actually trying to defend yourself. I stopped reading after the second response.
I'm out of this (thread) post.
@Zamoonda
ReplyDeleteYou throw vile accusations, and you hope that the 'target' of those will not answer back ?
What kind of attitude is this ?
Anyway...
Just calm yourself a bit and relax, and things should be... good.
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@Applejinx
>Zamoonda is my friend... I'm going to read his response because emotionally I need to see that right now, but please man, don't be too mad, OK?
-*I* am not mad, but such open hostility is rather uncalled for and unsettling, to say the least.
At least you seem to be more pragmatic and reasonable in this ''affair''.
...is there a link to this 'reworked' CH.1 ?
I'd like to see it included in the post, but of course you may see it sooner- I really did have to work on the things you mentioned. I worked for weeks, and Zamoonda saw me just after I learned that the original ch 1 had gone up followed by the new ch 2. I was in pretty dire shape as I'd put a lot of weight on 'salvaging my reputation' and have a third chapter in the works.
ReplyDeletehttps://docs.google.com/document/d/1jpFJ6NxIusvoKkBxR2Lvi6oWcSGk2WO1OzUVkgTmryY/edit?hl=en_US
That's what was supposed to be ch 1. I have written EqD about it (politely) and they will get around to it when they have time to (they are a very busy bunch of ponies)
I've put links into the actual google docs, too. I only wish I'd thought to do that earlier.
ReplyDelete@Applejinx
ReplyDeleteThird chapter in the works? Ooooohhhh... :)
@Adam Crocker
ReplyDeleteIf anybody wants it. There's a couple ponies on FIMfiction who do. Without 'em, I really can't go through with it- I tend to only see the criticism, which Zamoonda musta picked up on. Wish I could help that, it's a weakness. I wanted to 'star' better than 'worse than more than half the fanfic out there'. It won't happen- not yet.
The posting is fixed and the tagging is fixed! THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU... that was as quick as I coulda hoped, not even a day went by!
ReplyDelete@Applejinx
ReplyDeleteI'd like to see it myself, though I'll reiterate my earlier comments: Apple Jack's grievous physical injuries/sacrifices feel like a bit much coming one after the other in relatively short succession. However, overall I think the second part was well executed and in fact I think didn't have niggles regarding the story mechanics that I did during the first part. (And her injuries were a logical outcome of the stubborn choices she made in part 2; they certainly naturally flow out of the narrative.)
So I guess what I'm trying to say is that as a personal preference some sort of change in focus or tact might be a good idea for part 3: not that AJ is going to be doing any adventuring now. (Or maybe I'm just holding out for something more personal between Dash and AJ, soppy romantic that I am. ;) )
Also, speaking as a historian by academic training and a picky bugger: I didn't see any problems with Twilight's comments about the historical origins of the castle. Strictly speaking it is not relevant to the narrative. However, nor does it any way interfere with the narrative and it does serve the purpose of depicting Twilight's personality. In that sense, the remarks easily justify themselves in the narrative and it's something both you and the audience can leave. Or pick up on if that's your idea for a follow-up. (And I took the "pre-date Unicorns coming to this area" to simply mean migrating to this area; it's not nearly as big of a gaffe as Nova makes it out to be.)
As for Fluttershy not noticing any signs of animal life in the castle...well I just took it as Fluttershy being Fluttershy: to scared to actually be observant about her surroundings.
@Applejinx
ReplyDelete"I was in pretty dire shape as I'd put a lot of weight on 'salvaging my reputation' and have a third chapter in the works."
Sorry to hear about that. I hope that things are going better for you now.
And I look forward to reading your early draft of Chapter 1 later on. It's like peeking in an artist's rough sketches. :) (Note that I say this as an illustrator.)
It has 'Grimlight' tag now? Heeheehee... ^_^
ReplyDeleteI appreciate that. Grimdark implies a dark moral tone, but normal implies much cheerier events, so grimlight is perfect for what I'm doing. I'm so glad they let me have it!
ReplyDeleteChapter three is indeed more personal and I'll work on getting it out- bear in mind that the very first version of this (not as chapters) was essentially solo, and the chapters are making full use of Ponychan /fic/ and the pre-reader suggestions. This means as many as four revisions for each chapter- or more if such is required. That many rewrites takes time- but I want to do better for ponidom so it's worth it to me, it's just rather grueling.
Since the original is no longer attached to the story (at my request) here is a link to it to show how useful /fic/ and the pre-readers actually are- also, there's a poster here who largely inspired all this work, by believing in the story and suggesting it could be found through less DnD and less poop jokes- in other words, no pandering.
ReplyDeleteI listened, and I'm grateful.
Original version- https://docs.google.com/document/d/10oJjqh_lHi1cVqfJfIWecb3yuoAKBF1KUHNwrbJRDmY/edit
@Applejinx
ReplyDelete"Chapter three is indeed more personal..."
Ah excellent...
...I wholly look forward to reading about the gory wounds that Rainbow Dash shall no doubt inflict herself while trying to cook for Apple Jack. :P
*snrk* no more of that, unless you want a comedy darkfic about it or somethin'.
ReplyDeleteAnd if she did, she couldn't go to a modern hospital, because normal Equestria is medieval... what my ponies were up to in ch. 2 was really pretty cutting-edge stuff on all fronts. Maybe they'll become the first Equestrian hospital.
@Applejinx
ReplyDeleteI dunno, I've seen enough in the show to suggest that Equestrian medicine is considerably more advanced that medieval European medicine. If anything the average level of Equestrian technology is considerably more advanced than "medieval" what with the properly constructed, insulated, and ventilated homes they live in. (Hard to find a single time period to compare it to though.)
Of course I'm saying this as a wanna-be-historian who studied enough medieval history that I know my stuff. (And am geeky enough to remember way-too-much :p )
"*snrk* no more of that, unless you want a comedy darkfic about it or somethin'."
Hmmmm, that is a tempting idea to try my hand at, though the horrors of Rainbow Dash being stuck with babysitting the Cutie Mark Crusaders is currently vying for my attention. :p
@Adam Crocker
ReplyDelete"If anything the average level of Equestrian technology is considerably more advanced than "medieval" what with the properly constructed, insulated, and ventilated homes they live in."
Maybe I spoke a little too quickly.
The kinds of architecture you often see in the show, particularly for houses and "ordinary" buildings is based on the "timber framed" architecture that emerged in European towns and cities sometime in the 1300s. So late medieval, though the article suggests that this style persisted into the Renaissance periods and beyond (which is consistent with what I've seen of Elizabethan architecture).
@Adam Crocker
ReplyDeleteFrom what we see (in the series), ponies are, at the very least, in the 'Renaissance Era' (up to modern time, in some fields)...
The 'architecture' ONLY says that they seem to prefer 'old style looking' buildings... but that's only true in their capital and in Ponyville, because it's more modern-like in Manehattan.
Also : Trains, fans, DJ stations, nurses, sewing machines, plastics, etc...
...All in all, it just seems that their level of tech. isn't equal all around Equestria.
In real-life, almost every countries have places where technologies aren't as present as other places, though the difference is more OR less apparent depending on the country.
(We must also take into account that ponies may have not researched as much as us in every fields... the War department, by example, (especially with the magic of unicorns) must be much less developped than us.)
@Applejinx
ReplyDeleteThis is not a personal critique, it is friendly advice.
If you can take your story and edit out all the "high impact" parts, and it still holds up upon reading, you're doing it right.
High impact story aspects cannot harm a solid story any more than they can hold up a weak one.
@DPV111
ReplyDeleteBut what do you mean by "high impact parts"?
Sorry to hear chapter 1 was switched and all the issues it caused. The proper one is certainly much better thought out and congruous with the feel of chapter 2.
ReplyDeleteA note:
“Easily fixed!” said Rainbow Dash. “You see one gate, right before your awaiting eyes. Last one in’s a rotten egg!”
There's nothing bad about this at all, but I mention it in case it's an unintentionally missed holdout from the original chapter 1's DnD opening.
As far as the argument over hospitals, the best we've actually seen from the show is a clinic with a pair of nurses. What they did was what any hospital would have done anyway - set the bones and apply a cast. Had they taken Applejack to the one in town it may have just been Redheart or the other nurse leading instead of Fluttershy which would have made a less powerful scene. Alternatively, what else is there? Leaving them fretting in a waiting area, perhaps. For the route chosen, it was well done and conveyed the stress of the situation properly.
I respectfully disagree about taking out 'high impact' scenes. Take the movie Saving Private Ryan for instance. Would you cut the beach landing? It's -supposed- to be brutal to show the kind of crap they're wading into. Take it out and you lose a lot of the (admittedly depressing) mood of the movie. The real questions that should be asked for those scenes are "what kind of mood does it set for the story?" and "how well does it fit?". I have other examples I could throw out but I think I'm starting to ramble at this point.
@Applejinx, Either way you slice it, I'm looking forward to see what you do with chapter 3.
Lastly, I believe the larger size with the quote on the picture this originally posted with suited it better. Out of curiosity, what was the reason for the change?
For the curious, this is the one I mean: http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-kC98fs9IJxM/Tn5KevDvkBI/AAAAAAAABBA/uLUXSGHIx80/s1600/OldCastle.jpg
@Hagil
ReplyDeleteI gave them the full size you see if you click on the picture, and I took away the quotes because I believed it was trying too hard- had no intention of going to such a smaller size, and never sent that. So only part of that change was my idea- somebody thought I should look smaller?
I find that all too easy to believe. I'll try to finish chapter three for you...
Thank you again, Zamoonda
ReplyDelete@Zamoonda
ReplyDeleteKill yourself