[Sci-Fi][Grimdark][Adventure]
Author: Casca
Description: The Discordian Era is a dystopia ruled by the whims of its tyrant master. Caughlin Mare, resigned to a life of research in captivity underground, only wants to make life more bearable for the ponies above. When the sole surviving rebel group, the Order of Order, comes calling, an opportunity is offered. Yet, there is more to the group than meets the eye, and she finds herself flung into an entirely new world: of advanced magic and technology, of adventure, of hope and betrayal, and of manipulation.The Life and Times of Caughlin Mare (New Chapters 15,16,17,18!)
Additional Tags: Long, Origins, Intelligent Derpy, Twists, Celestia, Luna, comments contain spoilers
67 comments:
Not first
ReplyDeleteThat image is so sweet! Dawww. Sort of not fitting with these tags though.
ReplyDeleteDerpy and the Doctor are the other two aren't they?!
I love that image, and this does sound interesting...
ReplyDeleteima read :P i luv grimdarks :P
ReplyDeleteI wasn't sure if I wanted to read it until I read the tags.
ReplyDeleteI just love "Intelligent Derpy" stories.
It's times like these that make me wish I didn't have so much homework.
ReplyDeletePerhaps I can read this...
*checks calendar*
Next summer!?! Oh god...
@Mike i know same!
ReplyDelete@cpbrony
ReplyDeleteAnd I wish I was exaggerating too, but sadly no...
Soo basically Derpy and the Doctor grew Luna and Celestia in a vat, and they respond by hunting the duo throughout the ages?
ReplyDeleteUngrateful much.
@GaryGibbon Um, spoilers much?
ReplyDeleteTHe lab is "Several feet" underground?? That shouldnt be too hard to escape from...
ReplyDelete@banannagram I'm so glad my eyes are attracted much faster to the light blue colour of the @Username thing you had, it's because of you this story is not spoiled for me! Your sacrifice will not go unforgotten!
ReplyDelete@Jelfes yes i agree, though when reading through the comments i went from top to bottom reading each and every one. Sadly i saw the spoiler comment. Oh and btw i guess i did claim first but i didnt think i would because of my super slow internet
ReplyDelete@cpbrony
ReplyDeleteat least I won't have to wait to know what this fic is about.
I just finished three chapters of this and all I have to say is this is amazing. I'm not usually one for fanfics but this is just awesome.
ReplyDeleteIt took it this long to get on EQD? Jeez...
ReplyDeleteA wonderful story! I honestly can't wait for further updates!
ReplyDeleteSPOILER:
Caughlin/Derpy briefly flirting with what it is to be an Alicorn was particularly awe-inspiring. The effort that the author has also gone into designing the 'physics' of their universe is also detailed, suitably whimsical and beyond reproach.
Also, the idea of Dinky as half-sister/step-sister to the Solar and Lunar Princesses gives me the honest-to-goodness warm and fuzzies inside. Fandom Fillies FTW!
I eagerly await the next chapter, and fully hope it to be full of twists, turns and emotion!
No spoilers here. I really dig AU/alternate origins stories, and this one really surprises. I'm very excited to see how things turn out and I recommend it quite a bit.
ReplyDeleteD'awwwwww, that picture.
ReplyDeleteI have to say first, that It's been hard to accept Discord as canon. He just didn't have the same antagonistic appeal as the Nightmare. (Sorry John De Lancie) So I've avoided reading any Discord fics based on Season 2 that I see posted on Eqd.
ReplyDeleteUntil now that is.
After seeing that adorable cover image and reading the description, I just couldn't resist any more. And after finishing the tenth chapter, I must say that I didn't regret it. (5 Stars!)
This is making out to be a fantastic origin story, and a great read altogether.
Keep it up Casca.
Well, first off, you are all awesome! =D I woke up to find a rush of Alert+ and Author+s in my email. Then I checked EqD and WOAHWOAHWOAHIT'SUPTHEREOMGOMGOMG.
ReplyDelete@Mike: It's time like these that I wish I didn't have exams next week. D=
@GaryGibbon: Silly pony, I'm not even close to that part yet.
;P
@anoadragon453: Not if Discord's disabled the thaumatically-permeable properties of the region's time-space. =)
@Josh Spicer: Duuuuuuude! =D *needs no more explaination*
@TB3: Twists I can guarantee. Judging from the comments, I'm expecting plenty of raeg when I do *spoilers removed*...so I'd better hasten updates when I get to that part. xD
@Ozbrony: Personally I find him more as a "soft" villian. Nightmare Moon had her stage intro with much force and flashy lighting, but Discord just hit the universe running like it was the most natural thing to do (as contradictory as that may be). Discord's psyche was fun to pick at, I have to admit. And thank you kindly, for being awesome and reading all ten chapters in one sitting. =D
And to everypony who's left messages here/viewed this, thank you! It means a lot to me (which is why I'm replying to almost all the reviews instead of studying/updating), and I strongly suspect I'll have Chapter 11 up by Saturday. See y'all until then!
Sincerely (see what I did there?),
-Casca
Mmmmmmmhhh...
ReplyDeletePicture with Ditzy AND Dinky... Tag #2 : grimdark...
*Raise an eyebrow VERY high*
...Story to read : priority #1, readying *Boot to the Head* just in case...
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteGrimdark for massacres and violent twists. Oh, and the possibility of nervous overload as well as thaumatic-essence collapse. Nothing more. =)
-Casca
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteGrimdark for massacres and violent twists. Oh, and the possibility of nervous overload as well as thaumatic-essence collapse. Nothing more. =)
-Casca
hmmm Doctor W? really.
ReplyDeleteCH.1 :
ReplyDelete... Discord has a.. *Science Team* working for him ? We are talking of THE Discord, right ? I mean, THE Discord, lord of chaos and random and inconsistent stuff, right ? That doesn't (exactly) add up (for his character) ...
>I'm Caughlin Mare
-Obviously Ditzy Doo... A unicorn, huh ? ... ...the 'reality bubble' thing, I suppose ?
>There was no need for small talk, only research and discovery. Science.
-SCIENCE!
CH. 2 :
... 'Reality bubble' and 'time manipulation' powers, no need to be a Quantum Physicist to see where this is going ;) ...
>a reality bubble. The grass under her hooves were green instead of blue. A bouncing rock next to her lay dead still.
-Strangely similar to what the Elements of Harmony did... hmm, any reason for that ?
>From it came a scroll and a small alligator
-Wait, is it 'Gummy' ?
CH.3 :
>Whether you will move out of your comfort zone and aid the world, or ignore this and be judged by history.
-Big words, but the thing is that History tends to be written by the 'winners', so... If she doesn't join them, they lose, thus she will not really be judged by 'History' since the winner would be Discord.
But still, huh... Big 'important looking' words ?
>You will have received with this letter an artificial dragon.
-The heck ? Seriously... calling an alligator an ''artificial dragon'' just sounds a bit, humm, stupid (politely said).
That doesn't make it sound more ''sciency'' or secret or anything like that.
Call a cat, a cat... A bird, a bird... and an alligator or a baby dragon, an alligator or a baby dragon respectively.
>we have therefore developed this - an artificial dragon. He is toothless
>feels no pain, as it is a golem of sorts, so do not hesitate.
-... *Boot to the Head* !
>There is no need for painkillers if there is nothing causing pain!
-Hum... sorry but, ''living'' and being ''mortal'' tend to induce, from time to time, painful events and situations... I think those will always be needed, in a way or another.
>He could only reverse a maximum of three point four seconds
-Why the need to be 'that' specific ?
>"What good is it if we die here and now? Tell me! What's the point? What's the point?" He breathed heavily.
-I bet 7/10 that he will be a traitor, in a near future...
CH.4 :
ReplyDelete>Caughlin, rolling her eyes. "Gummy?"
-Yes, right... Gummy the toothless ALLIGATOR! …not the 'trying-to-be pseudo-scientific-or-whatever' ''artificial-dragon''...
...You know, there's no shame in calling an alligator, an alligator. Dragons and alligators are both lizards anyway... also, MAGIC!
Nothing in the universe technically prevents an alligator to also be able to send messages, you know ?
>"We call it Project ALICORN."
-The author knows there's a story named like that ? A reference maybe ?
...wait ? ''Created'' Princesses-Alicorns ?! Gods damnit, no...
Why do people think that ''Just Because'' Discord ''apparently'' ruled before Celestia and Luna (barely a 3sec. mention in ONE episode), that they didn't exist before him, were created, or whatever weird stuff like that ?
Considering the nature of 'Deities' in general in about most literature, games, D&d and etc, it's entirely possible that the Alicorns-Goddesses existed at the same time as Discord, though it took time before they decided to come into actions (reached a decision) and support the mortal ponies.
Anyway...
>The only thing they don't have is facilities, mused Caughlin. I feel used.
-And, she didn't feel used by Discord ? Same difference, no ?
*facepalm* Ahh, stupid cookies, going and ruining that reply I septn ten minutes on.
ReplyDelete@Nova25
ReplyDelete> Discord has a.. *Science Team* working for him ? We are talking of THE Discord, right ? I mean, THE Discord, lord of chaos and random and inconsistent stuff, right ? That doesn't (exactly) add up (for his character)
While order and discovery aren't his thing, the ponies who carry them out amuse him. It's the "Deity" psyche - endless power and liberal applications of it lead to boredom, and the deity moves on to something completely contrary because it's different, the same way a person might observe a family of spiders living on the other side of his insect netting. They're something new to look at every now and then, so why not keep them around? - or at least that's the sort of...being Discord is.
>Strangely similar to what the Elements of Harmony did... hmm, any reason for that ?
Not "Elements of Harmony", but Twilight Sparkle. ;) Yup, there's a reason for that.
>Big words, but the thing is that History tends to be written by the 'winners', so... If she doesn't join them, they lose, thus she will not really be judged by 'History' since the winner would be Discord.
But still, huh... Big 'important looking' words ?
Big words by the leader of the only functioning group of rebels in Equestria. He wouldn't use any less.
>Hum... sorry but, ''living'' and being ''mortal'' tend to induce, from time to time, painful events and situations... I think those will always be needed, in a way or another.
But if ultimately there is nothing causing pain, there is no need for painkillers. The statement is true, even if it's impossible.
>Why the need to be 'that' specific ?
Probably because Whooves' time-shift ability is of scientific interest to the team. He's stil a subject of observation, even if his role in the R&D is more of a personal one with Caughlin.
@Nova25
ReplyDelete>Yes, right... Gummy the toothless ALLIGATOR! …not the 'trying-to-be pseudo-scientific-or-whatever' ''artificial-dragon''...
He *looks* like an alligator, but he's an artifical dragon! >:D and none shall be the wiser!
Really, though, you have to admit it's at least an amusing idea. And hay, if nobody else is going to come up with it, why not I? =D I do recall putting "Read, and understand that everything you know is a lie" - even though I loathe to call it such, the Discordian Era is as AU as can be. Anything goes, really, since all that's mentioned in canon is that Discord once ruled ponies with chaos.
>The author knows there's a story named like that ? A reference maybe ?
When I wrote that chapter, I didn't know of it. o_o I have it on my to-read list when I saw it on EqD though. So that was coincidence.
>Considering the nature of 'Deities' in general in about most literature, games, D&d and etc, it's entirely possible that the Alicorns-Goddesses existed at the same time as Discord, though it took time before they decided to come into actions (reached a decision) and support the mortal ponies.
As far as I know, there are three explanations for the alicorn sisters' uprising - 1) they previously existed and chose to take action only later, 2) they were engineered, 3) because Pinkie Pie.
The first follows the line of the "Deity" psyche. I'm not keen on the idea of alicorns being gods, even if they are significantly overpowered compared to everypony else, and hence I don't apply it to them - that belongs to Discord. Again, the Discordian Era is AU, and canon doesn't say, plus my summary reeks of conspiracy theory, so.....
>And, she didn't feel used by Discord ? Same difference, no ?
Hmm, good point. Although Discord rarely makes requests, and pretty much just lets them do as they please within confinement. I guess the feeling aroused from being sweet-talked by the Order into at least considering that they were the hope of the world, only to find out that it's not exactly because of their skills, but their safe-haven status and possessions instead.
Thank you for reading, and for taking time out to comment on these points! =)
@Yours sincerely
ReplyDeleteNice and politely made answers are always appreciated.
Also, 'Reality Bubble-Time warp' : (quick thoughts)
Unicorn -> Pegasus
Gummy -> Becomes a real boy(reference), huh, I mean... A real alligator.
(Yeah, I know, ''another'' comment from me... What can I say ? There's *10* parts to this story, after all.)
ReplyDelete-----
Ch.5 :
>"So you're saying I have a thing for animals?"
>"Um, Whooves. We're ponies," said Caughlin, rolling her eyes. "Put things in better terms, will you?"
-...huh, really ? This doesn't exactly sound right...
Humans are ALSO technically animals too, you know... so what?, we still say ''animals'' to designate other wild-life and domesticated creatures and such ?
There not really any reason to correct him there. It's just seems a tiny bit 'pointless', to throw that here, that's all.
>all they needed was a sample of Horn, Wings and Potential, as well as a foal...the Order, of course, were to send them these items.
-So... this ''Order'' is willing to technically 'sacrifice' a foal, in order to obtain their ''super-weapon'' ? ...because, well, it's essentially what they want; a weapon that will be powerful enough to beat Discord.
This ''Order'' seems less and less, humm, trustworthy or, I don't know, ''good'' ?
>Do not open >Do not ask "how" nor "why" >Just do it
-Yeeeeah... this ''Order'' is a bit more than just starting to ''smell bad'', or suspicious...
Kinda makes me think of the classic thing with : the military willing to do anything to obtain victory.
>"Luna," said Caughlin. "We'll call her Luna."
-And again... a story trying to say that Luna was in fact the first, before Celestia, because apparently mixing opposites is ''fun'' or something...
CH.6 :
>Caughlin figured that it was because of the higher demands her .
-There's some missing words at the end there, isn't it ?
>Can't you do something to make her mature faster? She's just an experiment, after all, not even a regular pony-"
-Yeeeeah... I said it once, but will say it twice : this ''Order'' is more than just ''smelling bad'' now.
At this point... I can kinda see where this is going, and I'm starting to have some doubts...
>They've been on the run for their whole lives, Whooves. And they're depending on us to make a brighter future.
-Yeah, but it doesn't justify to dump all principles and ethic down the toilet, while pouring salt on everything, mmh ?
>"Yes, Mommy." She could feel Luna shift in her arms. "I love you too."
-Dinky being the ''Science-mother'' of one of the future Goddesse-Princesses is a bit odd, but it's quite 'ok' too.
Still... I wonder about Dinky... 'Reality bubble-Time Warp' (that thing is starting to sound a bit like Quantum Physics, in a way) once more, maybe ?
CH.7 :
ReplyDelete>She noted that he did not say "nopony", simply "as few as possible". Suspicious.
-I keep saying that he (and 'the Order') are quite suspicious... Now, it's rather official.
> because of the second aliconification
-''alicornification'' (small error)
>"Quiet!"
>"Whooves!" She suddenly dove for Fuhrich and pinned him to the ground
>"Good morning, Fuhrich."
-...huh, what the heck just happened ? Is there a paragraph missing ?
*Yell for silence*, then she suddenly jumps on that Order-leader pony right out of nowhere, then ''something pew-pew-magic, ponies from the celling'' happens, then it's morning and apparently (off-scene) she agreed on letting the Order ponies come in the base ?
I don't know about the pacing, or transition here (or whatever the word is)... I just seem a bit fast or confuse to me ?
>Somehow, her mind just felt addled today. And yet amidst this mess, there was a tiny but persistent, nagging feeling that she was forgetting something.
-Could it be related to the ''confusion'' during the previous scene ? I wonder...
The ''Order'' is looking more and more a lot like Discord, in term of 'ways'.
CH.8 :
>"Fuhrich used a memory hex. He used a bloody memory hex. On me, on you, on all of us. He ambushed us and used a bloody!-"
-Hah, what do you know ? I was sure something like that HAD to have happened, during that scene.
So... the 'impression' of something missing, like a part of the text was... intended for that effect, right ?
Hmm... if yes, then considering this now, it makes the thing relatively clever.
Also, yeah... The evil ''good organization'' for the ''greater good'' of ponies seemed like a 'fishy' thing since the beginning, when the leader first came.
>But thank the Creator, thank Discord, thank anypony
-Shouldn't it be ''thanks'' ?
... The way the end of this part (after the :::::: ) is narrated, is rather interesting. It remembers me of a style, but I can't put my finger on it, right now ? ...
@Nova25
ReplyDelete>Nice and politely made answers are always appreciated.
You've taken the time to review in detail. It's the least I can do. =)
>And again... a story trying to say that Luna was in fact the first, before Celestia, because apparently mixing opposites is ''fun'' or something...
Oh, yes. EVERYTHING you know is a lie. xD
>There not really any reason to correct him there. It's just seems a tiny bit 'pointless', to throw that here, that's all.
Hmm, you're right. I guess I just put that in to make the "So Many Wonders (I Love Everything)" lyrics reference.
>There's some missing words at the end there, isn't it ?
>''alicornification'' (small error)
>Shouldn't it be ''thanks'' ?
Woah there. o_o I'll look into those pronto. Good call.
>So... the 'impression' of something missing, like a part of the text was... intended for that effect, right ?
Hmm... if yes, then considering this now, it makes the thing relatively clever.
Tada. =D
>The way the end of this part (after the :::::: ) is narrated, is rather interesting. It remembers me of a style, but I can't put my finger on it, right now ?
I can't remember read- owait, I think it's like a scene in Ocean's Thirteen, where the narration explains the plan to rig each part of the casino whilst the gang get into position. I *think* that's where I got the style. It's a cinematic effect, a nice change in POV after a few chapters of the usual.
>You've taken the time to review in detail. It's the least I can do. =)
ReplyDelete-Well, they are more exactly 'comments', I tend to say, rather than real 'rewiews'.
Sometimes rather large comments, yes, but they mostly just show what transpire as I read a story… the 'bumps on the road', the good points, and the less appreciated details, and etc... A lot of thoughts, and a pinch of theories too ;).
Sometimes, raising questions and wondering about stuff that other people wouldn't have considered otherwise.
Sadly... not everyone ''appreciate'' that way to go, apparently. Some people (more often overzealous fans, but even a few authors so far) are downright *Hostile* to the extreme, but that's a whole other subject...
Anyway... It's always refreshing to see people who don't mind that way to do things.
>Ocean's Thirteen
-Never saw that movie, but I just saw its preview on Youtube. Looks moderately interesting.
-----
CH.9 :
>While the triune is a union of three single threads, the hex is a union of three pairs
-When I think ''3 pairs of lines'', I think of a 'Pentagram'... which is kinda related, or at least in the same range of stuff.
>with such things Either way
-Tiny thing with the 'capital E', or maybe a missing 'dot'.
>To anypony up there, anypony at all, she thought, if you can hear me, then please help us all I pray
-Huhhh... this implies that ponies, in this era/reality, believed in the existence of Higher-Beings ? ...Primordial gods (ancient super-ancient beings) ? Gods from the stars ? Elemental gods (forest, fire, wind, etc) ?
CH.10 :
>Celestia away from him jsut yet.
-''just'' (small error)
>Caughlin had rewarded her with her first present ever - an old but functional abacus
-Heh :). THE Abacus of Luna.
>You're only a week-old foal, maybe even less than that."
-Woah, wait what? ...a SINGLE week old ?!
It wasn't just young 'baby' they chose to use, but *literally* a 'newborn infant' ?! Good gracious ?
I mean... even for 'bad guys' isn't that pushing a bit far ? A newborn, for serious ?
Wasn't Luna older than that, when they used her... like, a young foal of maybe a year old, no ?
So, why a *single* week old newborn pony ?
>And I'm a unicorn.
>"That's it!" exclaimed Caughlin. "Eureka!"
-Let me guess... in the end, she will sacrifice her horn to ''spell/create'' Celestia (or something involving her), isn't it ?
Somehow, that was one of the theory I had on this matter.
CH.11 :
ReplyDelete>she could feel her muscles knotting, and an odd urge to call Whooves "young'un".
-Becoming a parent instantly makes you feel older, yeah. It's a weird, yet fascinating phenomenon.
-----
>This one time I made muffins out of them."
-Oh now, just NO! Bad puppy bad, huh I mean, author. *Boot to the Head*
We have enough dirt and --- on cupcakes, because of that --- ''story-that-shall-not-be-named''.
That will NOT do, to use muffins badly, at all.
Absolutely not.
Losing some serious points there.
(sigh) Forget that part...
-----
>That had been six years ago.
-...''Fuhrich'' maintained the hex-thingy-spell constantly, 24H per day, 365day a year, for 6 WHOLE years ? And, Ditzy let that go for 6 whole LONG years ?
I don't know, it's just a detail that looks odd, on the time scale here.
>ponies have names like Butter Cup, Blossom Bloom, that other green pony with the black mane whose name I can't remember. Blue Grass the travelling musician. Littlepip and Velvet Remedy of that really long story you told us last time.
-Direct Reference-o-rama ?
>"Yep, five elements. The elements of harmony."
-Huh, ok... Just a quick reminder, just in case this gets forgotten in later parts...
In the first new Episode of S2, it is directly said that the Princesses *found* the Elements of Harmony, and then used them against Discord...
This implies that the Elements were *pre-existing* artefacts, whatever they had been made by some unknown Higher-Ancient Being and left there, or that they had always existed as part of this world.
Just something to keep in mind. That's all.
>"They say that uncle Fuhrich's an advocate of 'unicorn supremacy',"
-Ok... Since I heard his name that I have this in my head :
The name of that suspicious Evil ''good organisation'' leader sounds A LOT like ''Führer'', you know... Nazi and all that.
And now, 'unicorn supremacy'.
This can hardly all just be a coincidence, isn't it ?
-----
@Nova25
ReplyDelete---------------
(gods that I hate that deeply annoying 4096 characters limit of Blogger !)
Well, end of the line for now.
A few quick things...
Luna and Celestia being created ? Meh, not the favorite or most used version, but ok. So far, it's rather interesting, and there's still that 'Reality Bubble-Time Warp' thing hanging above; a Quantum-like mix that can change/alter a lot of potential stuff, given enough power.
Ditzy being essential the 'science-mother' of the 2 future Princesses-Goddesses ? Well... it's ok too. I mean, there's definitely an accent on the mother-children relationship, which is always good and 'awww' and all.
But, I can't help but think... What about Dinky ? So far, I suppose this (important) detail will be solved somehow, because of the 'Reality Bubble-Time Warp' thing (which will probably also involve the 'Ditzy going from Unicorn to Pegasus' thing. I have several theories around that).
Muffins. They are Ditzy's ultimate favorite (comfort) food (and also the adorable nickname she usually gives to Dinky), and really shouldn't be messed up with. It's a touchy subject, just saying.
'Nazi-like' organization, ready to do anything and to sacrifice everything in order to eliminate Discord... and then raise to power, most surely... and this, whatever the cost ? Huh... We needed evil 'bad-?-good guys in disguise' and we have them, I guess ? They do fill their role.
Last thing is that ''Grimdark'' tag ? I mean, I know that when 'War' is involved, it will usually justify the tag, but here, well... Yes, there's a War going on, outside, but the ''distance'' (both physical and, I don't know, the impression of proximity) makes it like we are hearing of it through, say, a radio.
I'm not sure, if I'm really clear, but what I meant to say is that the tag doesn't have that much reasons to be there... or replacing it with at least a lighter version of the tag, like 'Dark', since there's more of a ''feeling/atmosphere'' of War floating around (even more so since they are all basicly in a ''bunker'', in a way), rather than a direct involvement.
@Nova25
ReplyDelete>Anyway... It's always refreshing to see people who don't mind that way to do things.
All fanfiction is basically an expression of opinion. I can't imagine why anypony would put another down simply for doing the same (unless it's trolling, of course, in that case FIRE THE ORBITAL FRIENDSHIP CANNON).
>When I think ''3 pairs of lines'', I think of a 'Pentagram'... which is kinda related, or at least in the same range of stuff
Yeah. Actually a hex is just a hex, but here I've made it a play on words. Hex = 6 and all. Probably because I thought it'd be funny. =s
>Huhhh... this implies that ponies, in this era/reality, believed in the existence of Higher-Beings ? ...Primordial gods (ancient super-ancient beings) ? Gods from the stars ? Elemental gods (forest, fire, wind, etc) ?
More like, the abstract notion of a higher being that all intellectuals consider at some point in their life. =)
>Woah, wait what? ...a SINGLE week old ?!
It wasn't just young 'baby' they chose to use, but *literally* a 'newborn infant' ?! Good gracious ?
I mean... even for 'bad guys' isn't that pushing a bit far ? A newborn, for serious ?
Fate of Equestria. Fuhrich. That sort of explains it all, doesn't it? Luna was also that young when they put her through the alicornification, although I don't think I've made that too clear...hmm.
>Fuhrich maintained the hex-thingy-spell constantly, 24H per day, 365day a year, for 6 WHOLE years ? And, Ditzy let that go for 6 whole LONG years ?
I don't know, it's just a detail that looks odd, on the time scale here.
It's also going to be his downfall. ;) [/is shot]
>Oh now, just NO! Bad puppy bad, huh I mean, author. *Boot to the Head*
We have enough dirt and --- on cupcakes, because of that --- ''story-that-shall-not-be-named''.
That will NOT do, to use muffins badly, at all.
Absolutely not.
>Direct Reference-o-rama ?
Yep. I had sooo much fun doing that. I've referenced songs, even a genre, the abacus, the legendary FoE and Lauren Faust's other project. Cupcakes was begging to be used. Imo though it wasn't that bad. Just descriptive gore. The actual story was rather meh.
@Nova25
ReplyDelete>In the first new Episode of S2, it is directly said that the Princesses *found* the Elements of Harmony, and then used them against Discord...
Oh, yes. Good call there, noted.
>The name of that suspicious Evil ''good organisation'' leader sounds A LOT like ''Führer'', you know... Nazi and all that.
And now, 'unicorn supremacy'.
Nyuk nyuk nyuk. I knew "Fuhrich" sounded unusually familiar...
>What about Dinky ? So far, I suppose this (important) detail will be solved somehow, because of the 'Reality Bubble-Time Warp' thing (which will probably also involve the 'Ditzy going from Unicorn to Pegasus' thing. I have several theories around that).
Yes it will. Ditzy is a unicorn, but I didn't realize it until after finishing Chap 5/6. I was like, "Woah, this fits well".
>Muffins. They are Ditzy's ultimate favorite (comfort) food (and also the adorable nickname she usually gives to Dinky), and really shouldn't be messed up with. It's a touchy subject, just saying.
While that's fanon (backed up by the very powerful "Bubbles"), I'll keep that in mind. Given that most of the ponies following this would be Ditzy/Derpy fans - O_O - hmm, you're right. Let's see what we're going to do about that.
>I'm not sure, if I'm really clear, but what I meant to say is that the tag doesn't have that much reasons to be there... or replacing it with at least a lighter version of the tag, like 'Dark', since there's more of a ''feeling/atmosphere'' of War floating around (even more so since they are all basicly in a ''bunker'', in a way), rather than a direct involvement
I'm actually not too sure what qualifies as Grimdark. I supposed that the razor blade scene in Ponyville single-handedly earned that tag. Of course there's going to be at least one more account of violence in the fic, but we'll see about that too.
Oh, and for referencing Chapter 11 which isn't going to be up on EqD until I'm done with no.12? [Achivement: First!] unlocked. ;)
@Yours sincerely
ReplyDelete>Yes it will. Ditzy is a unicorn, but I didn't realize it until after finishing Chap 5/6. I was like, "Woah, this fits well".
-You wanted to say ''Dinky'' there, yes ?
(Ditzy(Derpy):mother - Dinky:daughter)
>Oh, and for referencing Chapter 11 which isn't going to be up on EqD until I'm done with no.12? [Achivement: First!] unlocked. ;)
-Ah, well... I started reading where I had stopped the day before, CH.9, and I saw that CH.11 was there. I supposed Eq.Daily might have been updated while I was reading or something like that.
>You wanted to say ''Dinky'' there, yes ?
ReplyDelete(Ditzy(Derpy):mother - Dinky:daughter)
Eeyup. *facehoof* Ahh. Originally I wanted to put off thinking on where for Dinky to go. But then you pointed it out and hey, moar D'aww, so I've got something planned out.
>Ah, well... I started reading where I had stopped the day before, CH.9, and I saw that CH.11 was there. I supposed Eq.Daily might have been updated while I was reading or something like that.
Yeah, I plan to send Chap.11 and 12 off to Ponychan for some editing before I post it up here. Since I'm not going to be updating any more for the next two weeks or so, better to leave you guys with 2 well-written chapters than a 1-and-1.
Whoops, and sorry, spoilers. =\
ReplyDeleteTHIS...IS....AMAZING.
ReplyDeleteSeriously read this. You must read it. It is amazing and Discord is awesomely portrayed. Evil, all powerful but still physically vulnerable and sadistic if provoked.
For those that have already read it I just have to say one thing and you will know my favorite part.
Scalpels.
Also Chapter 13 is epic. It is brilliantly written and I can really picture it happening.
This may become my head canon if all goes well but it has competition from that new story that has Discord adopted by the Celestia's family.
@ApetureTestSubject
ReplyDeleteWhy thank you. =D
"Chapter 13"
Oh you. ^_^ 11, 12 and 13 are still undergoing minor tweaks. When that's done I'll update on EqD.
@Present Perfect
ReplyDeleteI could have sworn your name looked familiar. Thanks for the recommendation (though whether or not I remove those memes will depend on the review, since I just can't bear myself to kill them D=)!
the update was waaaay late...probably just notified, oh well...ffnet is great because I get an email notice haha
ReplyDeleteJust spent my entire morning readin through this entire story, and it was time NOT wasted. This is excellent and engaging. A fascinating look into the Discordian Era and how it might have been. Great character development.
ReplyDeleteSPOILER: I hope that we will eventually get to learn the motvation behind Whooves actions, why he did what he did. Being so emotionally invested in the story, I was incredibly disappointed in him.
@Oxcenia
ReplyDeleteThank you. =) it means a lot when people take the time to read through it - and then spend a bit more to give feedback!
Whooves...ah, Whooves. He had his reasons. You'll have to wait for a while and decide for yourself what to think of them, though. ;)
Oh ! For the love of the INTERNET ! ...disqus is SERIOUSLY messing with the spaces between sentences and paragraphs ! Dear gods ?
ReplyDelete*Dance virtually* Yay!
ReplyDelete...good 'ol reliable and simple system is back. :)
May it never leaves us again.
......wait a darn minute ?
Ugh ! My comment made under 'disqus' was deleted !
To the emergency *.doc file !
‘’New’’ CH.11 : ...Mmh, seems oddly familiar ? ;)
ReplyDeleteCH.12 :
>"Eight thousand seven hundred and thirteen," read Caughlin, as Luna stepped out.
-Somehow, I think I know where this is going, for Celestia. ;)
>"Ten thousand and seven," said Caughlin breathlessly.
-...Anyone gonna say it ? No ? I know it’s as old as dinosaurs, but oh well... ‘’It’s over 9000 !’’.
>For the ADC to function, therefore, 8 more alicorns are needed.
-8 MORE Alicorns ? ...well, this is stretching my disbelief quite a bit... but, I will wait. *raise an eyebrow*
>But then again they're under a strong hex
-And, since a bit more than SIX whole years ! ...honestly, I don’t know if I would be surprised to discover that their brain has (partially) liquefied, after so much time under a mind control/altering thingy.
>The moment of their lives, the reason for their existence. The freeing of Equestria."
-And then the conquest of it... *cough* Huh, I mean... huh... *vanish in puff of smoke*
>Whooves...actually betrayed me.
-*cough – clear throat* : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tim5nU3DwIE
(I say, he was finally caught in that mind-hex-thingy)
>I have wings and stronger magic, she wondered. I have wings. Wings.
-Mmh ? Well, that was mildly unexpected ? At first, I thought she had lost/would lose her horn (to create the other alicorns... maybe a semi-trap from Fuhrich ?), and get her wings that way (when I started reading this section).
Oh, but now there’s a new thing complementing some of my theories surrounding the 'Reality Bubble-Time Warp' thing... now she’s an alicorn, with access to much more power/magic to fuel it, eventually.
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CH.13 :
>In ten seconds flat, Caughlin found herself surrounded by R&D ponies
-Mmh, maybe it’s the ‘ten seconds flat’ that triggered that thought, but... something I just caught there : R&D ... RD ... Rainbow Dash ? Is it just a coincidence, or is it a *wink* to people (and maybe yourself) who likes her ? Just curious.
>"Caughlin? Caughlin, it's me, Whooves," said the voice. It was thin, both desperate and relieved at the same time.
-Sooo... he wasn’t mind-controlled ?
>My reality bubble. It's gone. My one true skill
-...no, I’m not happy right now... Here goes about half my theories, straight down the toilet.
And we don’t even have a reason why she ‘conveniently’ can’t ? I hope there will be a GOOD one.
>It took milliseconds before the pain came crashing through her system, followed by the inner turmoil and agony of an unbalanced, collapsing thaumatic field.
-I’m guessing : He broke her horn ? ...and now she will just have wings, right ?
I know she lives, obviously, but still... the scene is still slightly unpleasant to experience.
-----
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteCH.14 :
>I came up with this plan, and it failed. I failed.
-Well, it’s not like she could have tested it beforehand, isn’t it ?
>"Doctor, you've arrived just in time," said a pleasant mare's voice. "The patient seems to have awakened."
-Wait a second ?... ‘’I don’t think we are in Kansas anymore ?’’ ...and by ‘Kansas’ I mean ‘Reality #1’.
(later)...ah, still in ‘Reality #1’.
>"Mommy, can I ask you something?"
>"Do you love Celly more than me?"
-Dun duun DUUN !
>They've tried removing him on a couple of occasions, but he keeps finding his way back in.
>"That's loyalty for you," chuckled Caughlin.
-*rewind tape* ... Dun duun DUUN ! ;)
>"Who knows? He could be an embodiment of an element of harmony."
-Mmh, wait... is it the first time the ‘Elements of Harmony’ are *directly* mentioned, or were they mentioned before ?
I really don’t remember (or can’t recall) them talking about the ‘Elements’ much, if at all in previous parts?
-----
The new parts are rather good, and interesting I would say.
But, there’s that thing with the ‘’Oh noes! I conveniently can’t use my Reality Bubble spell suddenly !’’ making me ‘scratch my head’ and wondering ‘Huh, why ?’.
Nova! Good to see you, eh =)
ReplyDeleteThe "over 9000" line was in the first draft. I was told that it detracted from the story, so I removed it. Caughlin not being able to use her reality bubble is also drawing a lot more attention than I expected, but I've got it planned out (just didn't expect to have to bring it up so fast). I'm pretty pleased actually that you felt unpleasant somewhat, because it means I've done that scene right, and it does make what happens next more fulfilling.
@Yours sincerely
ReplyDeleteThe 'Reality Bubble' thing, well, it's like Pinky Pie and her mysterious ''Quantum Powers''...
It's 'there', people know it will come into action somehow ('It' being like Pinky Pie's, a form of *good* Deus-Ex-Machina), and with the obvious fact that *everything* is happening in another (alternative) Reality... well, a power named 'Reality Bubble' (along with the 'Time shift' ability of Whooves) just HAS to be the Key to 'this' core element of the Story.
*cough* Oh, but don't stress too much about this VEEEeeery important point... ;)
...chapter 15 and 16 are out, but this EQD-page is not updated? I am shocked! *LE GASP!!* :O
ReplyDelete@Ultra The HedgeToaster
ReplyDeleteYou seem to be one of the awesome people that follow me on FF.net. Yep, I only update EqD after the new chapters get a round of edits; given my rate, it'll be a long while until the next. ^^||
By the way... how's the editing of those new chapters ?
ReplyDeleteCan I go read them on fanfiction, even if not fully edited ?
...it has been a LONG time, after all.
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteFeel free to. They won't be as polished though. =)
@Yours sincerely
ReplyDeleteWell, seems like it will not be a problem now ? ;)
Well... it has been quite a while, since last update, I must say. I still remember the big things, and most important details, but I probably forgot the occasional small and/or subtle stuff.
ReplyDelete-----
CH.15 :
>Everypony has to be born from somepony! I know that because I'm a physiotherapist!
-Well, Surprise seems a bit confused... I mean, she may be ‘’technically’’ right, but this ‘’fact’’ isn’t really linked to being a ‘physiotherapist’.
I suppose this was to be looking like a joke, maybe ?
... Also, as some might say : ‘’I see what you did there’’, about Surprise. Alternative dimension/timeline, alternative(or ‘original’, some would say) version of Pinky Pie that ultimately didn’t make it to her current form in the series ...
>"Ponyville?" She quickly forced the recollections out of her mind. "There are ponies living there?"
>"Well, yes! The ground was an Order mining spot before, or so they said.
-Hmm... Not sure if I recall this correctly : Ponyville was her hometown? ...and/or one of the town Discord said he had destroyed, maybe ? ...something about The Order.
So... Discord and/or The Order lied to her, I’m guessing ?
>Hey, if you had a cutie mark, what sort would you want?"
-...wait ? ‘Caughlin’ does have a cutie mark, she even ‘’think’’ it herself... so, why does Surprise say that ?
I don’t think her flank is covered by anything (wasn’t written), and anyway, even if she was covered... Why do they both react like that ?
>The artificial dragon stared at her
-Meh... still bugs me a little that he’s called a ‘’dragon’’, since he’s clearly an alligator. But, oh well...
>Surprise had even baked a batch of rock cakes for the occasion, with real rocks >the cake itself was not too bad.
-She should try the rock soup. Giants say it’s delicious with smurfs.
>Caughlin was content to lie in bed while Pickedum stood next to her.
-...who ? I really don’t recall that character, I have to say ?
>How does it work?" exclaimed Surprise, lip trembling with joy.
>"It's magic," said Caughlin with a wink. "No, seriously >It's, eh, complicated."
-Heh. Funny science-magic. ;)
-----
Well, it’s still rather interesting... I just have to start remembering (previous) things a bit more, I suppose.
Also... are the scientist-friends of ‘Caughlin’ still actively controlled by the ‘bad-good guy’ ?
Well... seems like information will come later, then ?
ReplyDelete*blow some dust away*
-----
CH.16 :
>"How does this work?" asked Caughlin in spite of herself.
>"Magnets," replied Fuhrich.
-...a somewhat terrible joke.
>"This is your first time above ground
-And then... she had no special reaction to the fact of behind in a ‘’place’’ with no roof above her head, and a real ‘line of horizon’... big and wide and very open space...
Well, one would have thought she might have reacted just a bit more to be ‘’outside’’, you know ? Not super-crazy agoraphobia, but at least somewhat of a normal reaction about the ‘virtually always underground’ to ‘suddenly outside, in the big wide open world’ transition.
>The union altered your approach to reality, and that's why you lost the 'connection' you had with your reality bubbles.
-That ‘union’ thing is basicly the only thing that can... kinda... justify why she can’t use her ‘reality bubble’ for the moment, I suppose. Though, it only really work because the stuff behind the ‘’union’’ is all strange and theorical.
>Whether or not you can re-establish this connection with your current abilities, only time can tell.
-*cough* Yeah, time...
>greater power invariably comes with corrupt-"
-I think he wanted to say : ‘’with great responsabilities’’. ;)
>It's without a doubt that you three will live to a very ripe old age
>Celestia's Accelerat also means that her body will age faster >But Luna, on the other hand... Luna may very well be immortal.
-Personally, I see this whole ‘’accelerat’’ thing as a rather empty threat to ignore, in all honesty. Also... Why JUST Luna, here ?
Anyway, surely it’s all gonna work out, when time and space get... ‘’fixed’’, in the end. Right ?
>Luna should take the throne, rather than Celestia. Not to mention she is the elder sister
-Ah, yes... I had forgotten that odd thing.
-----
It was ‘ok’... Though there that thing with Celestia’s ‘’life span’’ that doesn’t quite sound right (because she uses ‘’magic steroids’’, she doesn’t get to be immortal too ? What ?), but... right now, I’m still waiting and following the ‘alternative reality transition scenario’...
I have that one theory that involve a direct connection to magic, making essentially the one connected ‘’immortal’’, since and as long as ‘magic’ exist... between other things.
@Nova25
ReplyDelete>Celestia's life span
It's like dividing infinity with infinity. Would one catch up with the other, if at all?
Glad you're still around though. Next chapter is going to be a doozy to write.
my heart just exploded from the cuteness of the picture
ReplyDeletemy heart exploded from the cuteness of the picture,i will read the story tomorrow because i have to go to bed
ReplyDeleteCH.17 :
ReplyDelete... Nothing ? Huh ? ‘’Caughlin’’ could have said a bit more (I love you. Don’t forget your family. Something meaningful ?) to Celestia, before she left ? I mean, they didn’t see each other in about a week+ ...
CH.18 :
>Fuhrich always has one. I don't approve of them most of the time
-Half of them usually revolving around mind-control and manipulation... which no one seem to question.
I mean... those who aren’t controlled... or already with him... or know that there’s something not right with him- or, well whatever. Surely, there’s not just ONE pony in the whole place who knows that Fuhrich is a ‘’bad’’ guy, right ?
>So you've planned even for this, huh, Fuhrich? Amazing.
-Well, in all honesty, it’s not that hard to ‘’predict’’ that the ‘smart mother’ and ‘powerful sister’ may still try and choose to follow Celestia.
>Don't you see, they're acting in the exact opposite of their personalities. It's only to be expected.
-Huh... because they act at the ‘’opposite of their PERSONALITY’’ doesn’t mean that every single instincts are also ‘’inverted’’... The instinct of self-preservation wouldn’t just cancel itself, ‘’just because’’ you are ‘’discorded’’.
>I found how to corrupt ponies, to twist them and bring out the exact opposite of their strongest, defining feature.
-Again, this really DOESN’T mean that they would just start killing themselves, ‘’just because’’ their personality is inverted...
>The ponies whose abilities were living became ponies who were adapt at, well, dying. It's beautiful.
-...sigh.
Pretty darn sure that ‘living’ or ‘’surviving’’ or ‘’being able to stay alive’’ is something that come standard for anything that is already ALIVE... and ISN’T a personality trait or whatever, that can be ‘’inverted’’...
With a logic like that... You could say that someone who’s ‘’good at breathing’’, if discorded, would be ‘’good at not being able to breath’’...
The inversion, as clearly shown in the series, only applies to what defines your personality, your traits of characters, how you normally behave... not your ability(ies) to do a ‘’task’’(which would only be indirectly *affected* by the changes in your personality) or at ‘’being good at living’’...
>He used to say, 'It's a pity you can't kill stone'..."
-Soooo... no Elements are involved in this ‘dimension’, against him ? Ok ?
>"It's probably not just ordinary stone," mused Celestia.
-It’s the almighty material called : Plotpointium... also known as ‘’DeusExMachinium’’.
>Discord had been defeated, apparently
-Yeeeeah..? Now, if he’s defeated, like in the ‘’other/normal/alternative dimension... where does that leave the ‘’reality bubble-time leap’’ thing then ?
Nightmare Moon becomes conveniently-crazy, and that somehow forces the ‘’dimensional stuff’’ to come into action ? Maybe ?
-----
Well, it was a somewhat interesting chapter... even though there was a weird understanding of how ‘’being discorded’’ actually works, at one point.
Oh and... a small 'friendly' recommendation on my part :
ReplyDeleteUpdating the story, here on Eq.Daily, by (smaller) ''packages'' of 2 chapters instead of 4 might help with not losing people's... how to say this... interest, or memory of what happened before, in the story.
This is one of the best, if not THE best, fic I've ever read, MLP or otherwise. It's also one of the best stories I've read in awhile. Including books, novels, etc. I just can't stress enough how much I love this! From what I've gathered, however, it hasn't updated in awhile; I'm sure it it didn't update right before I read it. It's kind of worrying me; is one of the best stories I've read getting axed?? That would be really upsetting for me. But I really look forward to reading the next updates! Hopefully soon.
ReplyDelete