Author: Kroqgar
Description: Since the creation of the Elements themselves, the bearers of Harmony have never found true happiness. After seeing so many generations of unfulfilled ponies, Princess Celestia decides to do something about it.Giving Love a Helping Hoof (New Chapter 13!)
Additional Tags: Genderswap, Love, Matchmaking, Stallions, Awkward
183 comments:
"Genderswap
ReplyDeleteAwkward"
DEAR GOD.
*Fkees*
It's everything I ever wished for!
ReplyDeleteI know where this is going...
ReplyDeleteOh my.
ReplyDeleteEveryones in love with themselves?
ReplyDelete"My own clone! Now NEITHER of us will be virgins!"
ReplyDeleteIf you do yourself, is it masturbation?
ReplyDelete@Lazulic
ReplyDeleteYes, yes it is. You are TECHNICALLY sexually pleasuring yourself, which is the definition of masturbation as such.
Something tells me that Rainbow Dash would abuse that fact.
Cross and Arrow was an enjoyable enough story using this premise, so I'll give this one a shot.
ReplyDelete@Lazulic Or is it incest with a doppelganger?
ReplyDeleteI am undecided as to whether or not I would want to read this narrative starring brightly coloured equines.
OH SWEET CELESTIA WHAT IS THIS
ReplyDeleteI was playing Amnesia before this.
ReplyDeleteI have the feeling that this would haunt me longer.
@wackyteen *fkees as well*
ReplyDelete@wackyteen NO! Don't fkee! Take me with you!
ReplyDeleteI dunno, I really don't care for the concept of having a lover made for you, and effected to have a connection with you automatically...
ReplyDeletejust seems too fake for my tastes, no offense to the writer.
I was worried...but I read through the first three chapters and it wasn't bad. Honestly the "Holy Buck" bit had me laughing on the floor like an idiot.
ReplyDeleteBut I also see a lot of very clever foreshadowing going on that leads me to believe not all is what it seems. And that maybe good ole Celly is in for a surprise. I will keep an eye on this one, that I will...
I haven't read it yet...
ReplyDeleteSo basically, all the mane six will be shipping with male versions of themselves?
ReplyDeleteI'm okay with this.
I like it so far--I think you particularly nailed Fluttershy's character the best. The only thing that annoyed me about it was a few instances where "your" was used instead of "you're." That's one of the biggest grammatical peeves I have with anything, and it never fails to make me rage. Perhaps a closer edit for the next few chapters will remedy this.
I'm a blank flank and what is this?
ReplyDeleteIt better not be Clop Fic-ish because I really wan to read this.
ReplyDeleteI'll take a book. AND READ IT!
Is it cloppy?
ReplyDeleteCause if not, I'll read. If so, forget it.
It isn't cloppy so far.
ReplyDeleteokay, so keepin an eye on this one.
ReplyDeleteugh this is another Double rainbow with 69 in it isn't it?
ReplyDeleteShameless line-idea takage from Shrek? Lawlz.
ReplyDeleteNot quite enough in Chpater one to make one love OR hate it, so onto the next chapter! (Though it's nice to see them doing something, in one's opinion, TRUELY girly. i.e., a sleepover where they talk about guys/colts and stallions.)
~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete"and in the morning... I'm making waffles!"
ReplyDeleteShrek quote ftw :p
Author needs to desperately learn the difference between "your" and "you're" though.
@ OhYouFoal:
ReplyDeleteTrevor is fairly sure that that was intentional, since it was a young Filly Luna who made the sing, lawlz.
Celes prancing in spot? Oh GOSH! XD Trevor can see it now... On to chapter 3! 8D
(Yes, Trevor is enjoying the story. So shut up and let him read! XD)
~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria
@Nyerguds
ReplyDeleteI died when I read that. I was honest-to-Celestia rolling on the floor, laughing.
I just realized the 'error' was on purpose. Deleted post since it's not relevant anymore and I forgot to add in other commentary.
ReplyDeleteSeems like the author has made 1-3 JUST introductory enough to drive me crazy, consider me interested enough to see where this goes from here.
Ok, let's do this! Somepony really needs to tell me how to do that @tag thing. Anywho...
ReplyDeletewackyteen - honestly not sure what *Fkees* means, so I'm going to assume it's a good thing.
Lazulic and GaruuSpike - So this doesn't get really, really weird, let's say that it's not masturbation. (Though the "Awkward" tag is there for a reason)
Adrian Brony - I see exactly what you mean, and I can tell you that this was one of the points I sturggled with when I was in development. Rest assured that it is taken care of, pretty soon as well probably. A hint is in the synopsis.
Butterscotch - *hedasplode*
GWGV and Nyerguds - It is a problem of mine, just the way I write, really. I go over it again afterwards, but the yours and you'res tend to slip under the radar. I'll keep a closer eye out for them in future though, cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.
Multiple ponies - No, it is not going to be cloppish.
Everypony who enjoyed it - Thank you very much! Posted on EQD, yay! Chapters 4 and 5 are in the works.
One thing I'll say now that I am trying to steer clear of. In so many fics, pony A and pony B have been avoiding each other, awkward feelings, get smooshed in together somehow, end up confessing and have a heartfelt kiss on the spot. While I understand the need to wrap things up quickly or get right into the shipping, it just feels rushed. I wanna see my ponies courted, and genuinely fall for each other, so I'm trying to make the process a bit... almost drawn out, but that's not quite the term I'm reaching for. Things might happen faster than one would normally expect, but like I said to Adrian Brony, that'll be explained soon.
And that's all I can think of for now. Thanks again everyone!
Bubble Berry!
ReplyDeleteNice third chapter, though one DOES see some grammar issues scattered here and there. Do you already have a pre-reader, by any chance? Trevor has experience being a pre-reader, if you're interested...
ReplyDeleteAnyhoof, great chapter! Can't wait to see how the different meetings will go!
~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria
@Kroqgar
ReplyDeleteJust... click the Reply button?
I like where this is headed
ReplyDelete@Kroqgar
ReplyDelete"I wanna see my ponies courted, and genuinely fall for each other, so I'm trying to make the process a bit... almost drawn out, but that's not quite the term I'm reaching for."
Good luck with it, I like a nice long and drawn out relationship development. Aside from the less than enjoyable ending for Of Mares and Magic, I liked the genuine relationship development it had between Trixie and Twilight.
Since then, I've been rather hard pressed finding a fic that captured a similar pacing for said development.
So, that statement alone has me looking forward to more of your story even more. If you need pre-readers for drafts and whatnot, please contact me, I'd love to help out, if you're looking for them mind you.
That is to say, I can be reached by gmail, it's the same name I post on here for plus the usual gmail address.
ReplyDelete(3 chapters in) oh.. my..
ReplyDelete@Kroqgar
ReplyDelete*stares at your blown up head* ........ *cries*
*Sits next to Butterscotch, trying to comfort him* (Because not even Magical Trevor can resist a sad Butterscotch. (Makes sense, really. If nopony can resist a crying Fluttershy, then the true should be the same of her male counterpart, yes?))
ReplyDeleteAlso, Trevor can be reached at [email protected] if you're interested in a pre-reader, Kroqgar
@Kroqgar
ReplyDeleteThe only thing I have to contribute so far is confusion - I haven't seen the male-clone thing work out before, and it doesn't make sense to me. Identical twins/genderswapped clones.. doesn't really jive as relationship fodder.
Now, mix 'n match, I can see. Male!Applejack with Rainbow Dash, Male!Dash with Rarity, Male!Twilight with Fluttershy, etc, etc.
Regardless of the tack you take on that matter, though, I am enjoying the fic! You are absolutely correct, a good pre-reader/editor is a treasure!
Ohnoes, I has COMPETITION.
ReplyDeleteGreat read so far! Like everyone else here, I see a few spots here and there that seem a bit off, grammatically or construction-wise. However, that's what editors are for, and there definitely some out there that I can recommend to you.
Looking forward to further updates!
XD Trevor was wondering if you would read this, Coneh! Hope you're enjoying your break! (At least we can get our Trans-sipping hit from here while we wait for you! XD)
ReplyDelete~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria
Oh man... How i hate gender switches....
ReplyDeleteThe idea gives me the chills..... :(
This story sounds a lot like On A Cross and Arrow.
ReplyDeleteLet me guess. The colt's name is Dusk Shine.
I'm sort of curious if the artwork was actually drawn for on a cross and arrow. Anyway, I'll give this one a shot. My only experience with genderswapped ponies was probably my favorite fanfic so I suppose this could be interesting.
ReplyDeleteThis story has my attention.
ReplyDeleteIf I saw a female version of myself, there would be a lot of staring at first.
ReplyDeleteBecause we're exactly the same (mentally), we would never need to talk because we'd be thinking the same thing.
Also, am I the only one who thinks a clone of yourself would make an awesome sparring partner?
Just for the record, for angling complaining, just stop. The colt names are Canon: you can't really change their names from Dusk Shine, Butterscotch, ext., to something else. Dusk Shine is the Canon name for colt TS, so don't complain, just don't.
ReplyDelete~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria
OhYouFoal and The GREAT and POWERFUL Trevor - You know, I do believe I will take you up on that offer gentlecolts. Expect a confirmation e-mail and possibly chapter 4 from me tonight.
ReplyDeleteUnknown - Mate, your echoing one of the biggest worries both myself and most readers have had about this story. I can't explain too much without giving some stuff away, but there is a point coming up in which basically the premise of the whole story is going to be laid out, and then it pretty much shifts into shipping mode.
Conner Cogwork - On a Cross and Arrow was awesome and you should feel awesome. Pretty bloody validating to have a guy like you commenting on little ol' me's story.
Though on a different note, is there any way I could send you a private message? I need to ask you something, but putting it in here would be a bit of a spoiler.
Sent you an email back, in case you're popping in over here and miss checking your inbox.
ReplyDeleteThanks again for the request, really looking forward to helping out on this.
I really like this story. It is sweet and funny, and I am a sucker for romance. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteAnd here we have yet another Mane 6 Stallion fic. Obviously a VERY different premise from Cross and an Arrow (and even more so 63rd Rune) but I can see liking this. There's no comedy tag, but hopefully this'll stay lighthearted as it has so far.
ReplyDeleteJust considering the premise I'm sure this'll get well read...
@Kroqgar
ReplyDeleteI haven't been this excited for something to update since On a Cross and Arrow. this looks to be absolute gold in the making. (I nearly lost a lung laughing at the "Holy Buck" line)
THis is just universally really good! the mane 6 are in character, as far as I'm concerned, and their dialogue and actions are natural, and pretty damn funny.
This fic actually addresses an odd thought I've always had about the mane 6. WHo the hell would they ever find to date them?
Seriously, the mane 6 must be the most intimidating girls in equestria. They're national heroes, one is the personal student or the Princess and the most powerful Unicorn in Equestria, anothers an ex-supermodel, Dash is literally the fastest flyer in equestria with the Rainboom under her belt, AJ's the prized pony of Ponyville, and Rarity is a up and coming fashion diva, and Pinkie is Pinkie.
Imagine the colts that could match those standards? the poor girls are doomed to suffer jerk syndrom forever.
" and we can tell ghost stories, and in the morning... I'm making waffles!"
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3ALwKeSEYs
Oh god. The Trollestia is just perfect.
ReplyDeleteIm loving every second of Chapter 3!
Keep up the good work!
Two Rarities are gonna be impossible. Somehow, I think that's gonna be worse than the Pinkie thing. or the whole Rainbow rivalry.
ReplyDeleteI like where this is going. Giggidy giggidy.
ReplyDeleteYou just got me hooked!!!
ReplyDeleteSure, It seemed slow at first, but after the story shifted to the mane 6, I just couldn't stop reading. Very, very interesting.
The main problem I see is that many are going to compare it to "On a Cross and Arrow" (one of my all time favorites stories) but so far you have managed to make your story different enough to stand out (the way you handled the parallel universes, although a bit simplistic, worked pretty well).
Hope to see the next chapter soon!
PS: I always though Conner Cogwork came up with the mane 6 male names... yet your last authors comment, plus a comment here made me doubt that, who really came up with those?
My new favourite story!
ReplyDeleteAs far as I know, the male names were in place well before Cross and an Arrow (I believe The 63rd Rune uses them and that before before Cross).
ReplyDeleteThe Google Docs links are derped, they all go to chapter 1...
@TenchiFreak5
ReplyDeleteExactly my reasoning.
Tony1695 - I agree with you on that point mate, but I'm doing something with both Rarity and Rainbow Dash that I've yet to see in a fic. Rarity's is a bit tough to get a handle on, but Dash's is just awesomely fun to write and then grin like an idiot about.
ReplyDeleteAnd, as any author will tell you, Pinkie is Pinkie. To write Pinkie one must devour cupcakes and detach mind from body.
Enqrique262 - Well, I'm glad I got you into it mate. And yes, you've highlighted a major concern of mine, I very much want to avoid being a 'Cross and Arrow' knockoff. However that's always going to be difficult to achieve, that story pretty much defined a genre, and I'll admit that I avidly watched out for updates, it was brilliant. Hopefully, with some of the changes I'm making, my story will stand on its own four hooves.
As far as the names of the colt 6, I was always under the impression that ( http://trotsworth.deviantart.com/gallery/ ) was the gentleman to credit it towards, however I know there is some sort of link between him and Connor Cogwork. At the end of the day, I just threw out there that if you can prove they are yours, I'll gladly swap them over but I implore love and tolerance.
Oh and lastly, on the parallel universes bit, that's not over just yet. Next couple chapters, a whole lot gets explained.
Melodia - Don't know what to tell you about those links man, so enjoy. I hope these work better...
Chapter 1:https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-tCbGLZ1swZ-Iy9pqsNSavdRG0dnJtSOIHG2rG2Rvlo/edit?hl=en_US#
Chapter 2: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1v5TwFOV-0DRWLphVbkwmB1SE134oLPiuovcIdxN_MeA/edit?hl=en_US#
Chapter 3: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1XxR9e8L9zOqi84NjwHRCeXCdpi9WkfswmMfgugBh89M/edit?hl=en_US#
Chapter 4: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1JIMvI1UBclmxBkATXuxk8Kr0cNHV8Ix10T3F6kuLb5w/edit?hl=en_US#
This is rather intresting and bears watching. I am believeing that the "HIM" celestia refered to might be a male version of her from a similer spell?
ReplyDeleteThis was good because it's not overly shippy (yet) and is quite funny, almost Comedy Tag worthy (so far). Keep things on track and I'll be a regular reader.
ReplyDelete@Kroqgar
ReplyDeleteSorry about the late reply! Havn't been watching this as closely as I should have. I have a deviantart account, under the name of Terrichance. You can send me a note there.
Update everypony!
ReplyDeleteSorry about the big delay between chapters, but life reared it's irritating head and got in the way of my precious, precious pony fix. Remedied now! Three chapters, count 'em, three chapters, are now written up and being edited! Chapter 5 is just waiting for a final pre-reader to write it off and it will come up! Thank you all very much for your patience, you'll be rewarded within a couple days tops!
~Kroqgar
My heart, why you do this to my heart! The Berry Pie meet is one of the most feared things in my mind.
ReplyDeleteOh God. Two pink party ponies, TOGETHER?!
ReplyDeleteThey are all doomed.
That was fantastic and really funny! And just to say it, I read this before "On a Cross and Arrow."
ReplyDeleteAaaaah. That was great.
ReplyDeleteYes, finally!
ReplyDeleteNow, it was a good chapter, yet... you told me back there that your main concern was that people compared this story with "on a cross", that you wanted to stand out as its own, but you used the same "doom for us all with two Pinkie Pies" gimmick, which as far as I know came from the mind of that author, and not from the show.
So, the story is still looking good, but be careful with the material you use.
Enrique, I completely understand and share your concern. However, when I sat down and thought about it, there's only really one way two Pinkie's can go. To stick with the canon, all of the characters would most certainly be terrified of the prospect of a second Pinkie. Where I had hoped my interpretation differed is in how exactly the two Pinkie's were represented, and what actions they chose to take. The reactions of the others are so obvious as to be almost scripted.
ReplyDelete@Kroqgar
ReplyDeleteFair enough, and you do have a point in the way you dealt with both Pinkies.
Well, as you say in your authors comment, next chapter will finally establish the premise of the story, so hopefully at that part the comparisons with "on a cross" will be over.
OMG CHAPTERS 4 AND 5! I'M STILL LAUGHING MY ASS OFF!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAh. Chapter 6 is up. This one and the next one are really great chapters in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteThis makes me wonder what would happen if i had a girl-version of me...oh CLESTIA
ReplyDeleteLoving the story, been following it from the beginning.
ReplyDeleteSeems like we're starting to get to the fun parts.
So much yes right now. Well done sir.
ReplyDeleteHm... I've been thoroughly enjoying the fic up to now, but something in the latest chapter has kind of left my head spinning.
ReplyDeleteThe sudden mention that any traces of the stallions' existence no longer exists in their world seems like a much more severe issue that the fics make of it. It struck me as just plain weird that they all roll with it like it's fine and dandy. I mean... unless I'm missing something here, the sheer idea that everypony one has ever known no longer knows them, that one's very world no longer recognizes them is something utterly mindblowing.
I'll admit to have dropped a solid "What the (word not appropriate for foals)?!"
Did I miss something? It doesn't seem to me that anypony has pointed this out, and I'm really wondering if I might not have missed on a concept...
Hey everypony, update time!
ReplyDeleteYay, Chapter 6 is out! Chapter 7 (my personal favourite) is already written up, and Chapter 8 is almost done! Got a bit of a deal for you all, the quicker my story gets to 5 stars, the quicker you get Chapter 7! How's that for a carrot and a stick?
Now, Autumn Wind, your concerns sir!
Your very first comment, "been thoroughly enjoying this fic up to now" terrifies me! I do hope your still enjoying it!
Now, with the dimensional shifting, wiping of existence and such... This was a toughy. First thing I'll say is that Chapter 7 makes eeeeverything completely clear. Wraps up essentially everything. Chapter wrap-up, chapter wrap-uuuuup.... Sorry. What was I saying?
Ah yes. The other things to keep in mind (and I only realise now that having to explain something outside of a fic makes me a terrible writer) are that these colts are used to fantastical, magical, crazy things going down on a regular basis, so their wtfometer is calibrated several degrees higher than our own.
The next point is that, as Celestia explained, due to entering the current world, the colts gained almost a magical connection with it. The best way I can think to explain it... You know how Earth ponies have a special tie to the land? Imagine that, but for all ponies, and tied to a plane of existence. It either feels right, or it feels wrong, and they all felt welcome.
Which raises my next point! Celestia and Luna blessed them with a sense of belonging and homeliness. The magic of the Solar Sisters is a point of much debate, but I like to think they can make a pony feel welcome.
And besides, at the end of the day it probably wouldn't be too much of an issue to convince other ponies that, for example, Dusk Shine is just the male version of Twilight Sparkle, and is still (basically) the same pony). Although, that would be telling, wouldn't it? =D
I have to agree with Autumn Wind. The colts are taking the loss of their home dimension REALLY well.
ReplyDeleteConsider this: Elusive is now in and part of Rarity's world. When Elusive goes to his home, which is also Rarity's, what will happen when he meets Sweetie Belle? Sweetie Belle is his sister, and he knows that and will recognize her, but she will not recognize him and may not immediately accept him as her new brother. That first impression could lead to Elusive missing his own version of Sweetie Belle in his home dimension.
And if things "go well" (hint hint) between Elusive and Rarity, how would Sweetie react to her "brother" and sister having such a relationship?
The part that makes it difficult to suspend my disbelief is that none of the colts seem to have a problem that they've been ripped from their home dimension seemingly against their will and are now stuck where they are. You haven't explicitly said so, but the language used seems to indicate they won't be going back.
And yet, though they were taken from their own world, Celestia still reassures them that their will is still their own? It's just too much to swallow. Too convenient.
This issue should be a conflict. Conflict makes a story interesting, but it seems as though they've just resigned themselves to their fate.
Salt said it better than I could have.
ReplyDeleteTo be honest, as of chapter 6, I find the story very enjoyable, but only when I willfully ignore that one specific plot point.
While it is normal that they aren't disconcerted, which I have no problem with, it makes little sense how happy they are with the situation.
Given that the Stallions' world is very similar to the canon one, it might have been a better approach to have the worlds merged rather than the males transplanted (which would still leave the "brother and sister" issue.
Perhaps you might like to take a moment to think this over, because as well-written as this story is, this issue here seems to be a can of worms that was opened without the implications of it being completely thought through.
Sorry for the double comment, the thought struck me right after I posted the previous one.
ReplyDeleteLet's take for example, Elusive.
Elusive knows he's in another world. He knows that the Sweetie he'll meet isn't "his" little sister entirely. It'll always be "Sweetie Belle from the world I'm in now."
I can't comment for others, but to me, the "new bonds" thing doesn't come to me as sweet. It comes to me as somewhat uncanny and creepy.
For now, I'll most likely keep reading and deliberately ignore this issue to enjoy the sweet Mane 6/Mane 6 lovey dovey fluffyness, but I'd like to encourage you to give this a good think-over.
Delicious transgendered clonecest.
ReplyDeleteOr something/
Man, I wanna read Chapter 7 now! Wish I could fav it more than twice!
ReplyDeleteOkay, Autumn Wind, Salt. You two raise some very good points. In fact, before I get into it, I'd like to thank you both for the effort you've clearly put into your thoughts and comments. If either of you are authors, then you know there is nothing more validating than a well-rounded critique, and you two have given me that in spades!
ReplyDeleteNow, here is where I must acknowledge a mistake I made. When I was writing this chapter, I got on a bit of a creative streak, ended up at about 8-9k words. So I split it in half, Chapters 6 and 7, and let my awesome, fantastic, (Wait a second, let me bring up the episode...) Super ultra extreme awesomazing pre-readers at it. Now, they didn't bring this issue up at all, and I believe that is because they found it to be resolved in chapter 7. Not a problem for the pre-readers, they got both at once, however due to the episodic nature of my chapter updates, you lot have had to wait and just get half the story. I suppose the main issue here is whether to leave lots of mystery and unanswered questions between chapters, or to make each almost xapable of standing on it's own, with just the overarching storyline to work towards.
In any case, it is precisely your concerns that have made me seriously consider releasing Chapter 7 early. Please don't think I'm just brushing your comments aside, you both raise fine points and in all honesty the acceptance of new life/universe and all that comes along was something I grappled with for a while.
All I can say without giving away the story is to wait for Chapter 7. If that doesn't answer all your questions, then at least I will then be in a positoin to do so.
Forgive me Kroqgar if I'm out of line speaking on your behalf but I'd like to say to everypony that I hope you'll all enjoy chapter 7. Granted, I'm just a pre-reader on this but I think that with this chapter finally out, many questions will finally be answered and this will at last, mark the point in which we hope everyone sees (like myself and the other pre-readers) that Helping Hoof looks to provide something to separate itself from On A Cross and Arrow.
ReplyDelete...Not that the aforementioned story is BAD, it's actually good, REALLY good, but this is more like a sort of... Self esteem thing I wanted to post here for Kroqgar and I hope you, the fanfic reading community, will see that this is looking to be its own story.
More important, I hope after this chapter we'll have cemented everypony's dedication to this story. And if you guys like it, please spread it around to your friends and such. It's been a lot of fun sort of 'keeping a lid' on things and I think everyone will be pretty pleased after this new chapter.
@OhYouFoal
ReplyDeleteEverything this guy just said. I hope you all enjoy this new chapter and what it brings.
Magical Trevor thinks that S* is about to get real...
ReplyDelete~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria
Well... Buck me silly, that got intense...
ReplyDeleteLoved the representation of the lore, don't stop!
Just finish chapter 7. And your origin story is enough to make me say "wow". It fits FiM like a glove.
ReplyDeleteI Salute you sir.
Oh boy, here comes the big dude. HERE COMES S++++CARRIER LOST++++
ReplyDeleteI loved that origin story! but... who's gonna come out of that door?!!! WHO?!!!
ReplyDeleteAwww Luna is the only one that is not gonna get lucky with a clone of her self. Unless Celestia zapped her too!
ReplyDeleteShit just got real, yo.
ReplyDelete*read comments*
....dammit.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteOk, I will say I had some SERIOUS reservations about the whole "Pulled from another universe without consent, and made all their loved ones never knew they existed." thing, and was gearing up for a rant about how reprehensible and horrid that was. But part 7 did alleviate that. Mostly.
ReplyDeleteI do think that some of the mane 6 should have at least had SOME reservations about the explanation. What she lead them to believe she had done was NOT a pleasant thing, at all. I certainly blanched at it.
@shadefox Well now the new chapter explains your problem
ReplyDeleteHm... While this does alleviate the "forcefully removed from their world" question, it raises another question all the same:
ReplyDeleteWhy tell them such a dramatic story? Why not go with something less dramatic?
I still find it odd that they never question supposedly being taken from their world, though.
Other than that issue, which can probably be looked over, great going. ^^
@Kroqgar
ReplyDeleteFirstly, as you've heard it before, wonderful job on your story so far. Now, I realize that you already have four pre-readers at the moment, but may I offer myself up as a fifth? I had a few quibbles here and there about flow and dialogue I'd like to share with you. However, if you think another pre-reader would, as the saying goes, make a sloppy soup, that is perfectly fine by me! You are, after all, the author. But, if you feel inclined, I would be honored to share my creative critiques and join your team to aid you in your story.
Thanks for your time mate!
@Edwin B.
ReplyDeleteIf you mean that chapter 8 touches on this subject, then great.
If you're referring to chapter 7, then I probably didn't quite explain myself.
When Celestia said what she did in Chapter 6, I felt horrified. I don't feel it anymore because of what happens it Chapter 7. However, the girls haven't heard what happens in chapter 7. As far as they're aware, Chapter 6's explanation is the correct one.
I would have thought they'd have at least some issues with it.
I'm.. still not quite sure.
ReplyDeleteI've never seen someone going for what is closest to themselves in real life. They tend to look for something to complement them; Not once did I observe someone going for their double.
That's a problem I've had with On A Cross And An Arrow too, though it did have some friendly relationships rather than outright shipping as well. Especially the princess flirting with what amounts to her twin felt kind of unfitting.
That's all subjective, of course. It's not meant to be criticism either, really. I haven't even read all of Giving Love A Helping Hoof, solely because of what I wrote above: I... just can't shake the feeling it just doesn't work that way.
Dammit, forgot to add this:
ReplyDelete"Free will is something that no magic can touch"
Discord would like to have a word with you, Princess^^
It won't let me read chapter 3. it says i need permission.
ReplyDelete@Nickel Gunner
ReplyDeleteLets see if I can make any sense while my head is gooey from being more than half asleep.
Discord never once took away their free will. He just reversed their personalities to an extreme. And even then when he did they chose themselves to allow that to happen to themselves... except for Fluttershy. He had to directly influence here because she was just TOO kind to be influenced directly, and it's still just a personality reversal to an extreme. If it had been done to take their free will away, Twilight would not have been able to return to normal nor would have the others. Therefore what Celestia says is true.
But like I said earlier my head is a more than half asleep gooey mess so I might be wrong. I probably won't even remember writing this come morning.
@OminousBrony
ReplyDeleteMaybe. I would contend however that inverting somepony's personality counts as taking away their free will, since they're not acting like they would normally choose to.
In any case, I doubt that the inverse form of MacIntosh is a dog^^
So if we never wood let you reach 5 starts you would have to continue with this story forever? I would be ok with that.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteFucking cliffhanger.
ReplyDeleteBig goofy grin engaged!
ReplyDeleteFirst thing to say: ZOMG SO MUCH RESPONSE! SO MANY BRONIES. This has been so freaking fantastic, you guys all rock! We've jumped up a whole .2 stars in rating! I think another .1 or .2 and we are 5 STARS!!
Second thing to say: Somepony really needs to teach me how to do the @suchandsuch response thing. I know it's using the reply button up there, but it is still beyond my simple understanding.
And now for the replies!
My pre-readers in general: Group hug. So many group hugs.
Kits: Making someone actually physically respond to what I've written makes me a happy panda.
Stahi: That carrier can't handle the truth!
Mahna: Let's not forget Celestia's comments on Luna's physical maturity. Perhaps she is not interested in romance yet?
shadefox: Someone over on deviantART said a similar thing. Where do you get that they think Celestia did it? I don't recall writing that, and certainly didn't want the colts to have that impression.
Autumn Wind: Confound these Autumn Winds! They drive me to deep pony!
Firstly, I honestly can't think of another explanation as to how the colts could have gotten there, in the condition they are with the memories they have, aside from what Celestia said had happened, and what actually happened.
As to whether they question being taken from their world, if you mean by Celestia, then like I said before, she didn't do it. Well of course she didn't, it never actually happened anyway... But in her fabricated story, she never did it, and the colts believe that. To them, it just happened. Surge in the magical leylines in the universe. The lingering warp in the fabric of space-time caused by Discord's presence. The power of Harmony. Something. Granted, this is a particularly... momumental thing to happen to them, but, at the end of the day in the land of Equestria, anything weird that's happening? Magic can probably explain it.
Nickel Gunner: Some deep concepts you're talking about there, my friend. Love, how it works, how it doesn't. In my experience, two diametrically opposed people can get along just as well as two people who are very similar.
You say that you haven't read all of my story. I suggest you do, because one of Celestia's latest comments is "It is my deepest and most sincere wish that they all find love with each other, and break the curse of the Elements. In fact, I have done everything in my power to make it so.”
As for the whole free will thing, well then you're getting into that whole personality debate with Ominous. Persoanlly, I don't think Discord took away their free will, he just... influenced them. Very strongly, granted, but it is my own personal belief (and I mean not just for the story but one of my own real life things, you know?) that a being is themselves and only themselves. They can be influenced to act in any way, but at their core they are always themselves.
Baree: I was really hoping no one would see the fatal flaw in my plan >.>
Hagil: I'm pretty sure I've addressed those concerns higher up here somewhere.
Daxter Galaxy: Have your spelunking gear on hand, for there are plenty of cliffs to hang off.
Oh, and I forgot to mention! I fixed up the sharing privileges on Chapter 3, everypony should be able to access it now!
ReplyDelete@Kroqgar
ReplyDelete>shadefox: Someone over on deviantART said a similar thing. Where do you get that they think Celestia did it? I don't recall writing that, and certainly didn't want the colts to have that impression.
Ah, I see what you mean after a reread. I was mistaken. I thought she had said she was the one who'd taken them, but she'd never actually said that.
Damn new chapter is epic.
ReplyDeleteEPIC.
I've upgraded my rating from 4 to 5 stars.
Only question: How come Luna does not remember some of the stuff Celestia is telling her? I get the Origin Story, but the battle with Discord she should know.
She was too young, she was just a little foal when it happened.
ReplyDeleteHey guys, quick update!
ReplyDeleteI've just submitted Chapter 8, hopefully it makes it into the next story post. I wanted to throw up a quick apology about the delay between chapters, but, as it tends to, life happened. But anyway, sorry.
I'm shaking with the sheer adorable
ReplyDeletePrediction on Scootaloo's reaction:
ReplyDelete"I WANT ONE!"
(Whether she means her own clone or one of the RDs, you decide.
Also at some point Luna has to say, "The fun has been DOUBLED!".
Or else.
Oh and this is eligible for 5 star now. So gratz!
ReplyDeleteMOAR!
ReplyDeleteok the "tortoise" and "yay" in stereo needs to make this 5 star, NOW.
ReplyDeletePoor Scootaloo...
ReplyDelete4.7! I think just .1 more and we tick over!
ReplyDeleteEverypony proceed to freak out.
AAAAAHHHHHHH!
Uhh... chapter 4 in google docs is missing.
ReplyDeleteHmmmm, that is odd. I'll send in an e-mail. In the mean time, here is a link!
ReplyDeleteChapter 4
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1JIMvI1UBclmxBkATXuxk8Kr0cNHV8Ix10T3F6kuLb5w/edit?hl=en_GB&pli=1#
Chapter 4 link fixed, thanks Sethisto!
ReplyDelete@Kroqgar
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure the rating system is like this:
1<->1.4=1
1.5<->2.4=2
2.5<->3.4=3
3.5<->4.4=4
4.5<->4.8=5
4.9<->5=6
So we've already "ticked over", the blogbronys just haven't updated it yet. They tend to not pay super close attention.
Genetically, it'd be incest. The only difference between the main subject and the clone is that the clone has a Y chromosome. If they were to have a foal, chances are high that the double inheritance of recessive genes would lead to birth defects or other genetic complications.
ReplyDeleteEthically, however, the subject and the clone aren't related. They are both individuals; were they to have relations, it would be no different than with any other pony.
In conclusion, it's neither masturbation nor incest to have relations with a genderswapped clone of one's self, but it's not a good idea to have kids with your clone.
Thankfully we've got the ole' magic draw card. Take THAT, science!
ReplyDeleteI have a feeling I know what is going to happen (about to start reading the first chapter) based solely on the picture, all I have to say is, On a Cross and Arrow?
ReplyDelete"and we can tell ghost stories, and in the morning... I'm making waffles!"
ReplyDeleteLOL
@FlintLock
ReplyDeleteRecessive genes? The Mane 6? Nah.
Great work so far, i'd love it if you could upload the story to fimfiction.net eventually so I could favorite it over there.
ReplyDeleteHope you write more soon!
Loved the new chapters. My only quibble is that I'm not a fan of fandom inventions like "buck" being a stand in for the word "Fuck" and wingboners, etc. They really have no place in a story that want to be taken seriously. They are literally breaking the fourth wall.
ReplyDeleteSuch a good story. A lot like cross and arrow, but completely original.
ReplyDelete6-stars for me! Keep it up!
Its been a while since I last commented, but by no means I have lost interest, in fact, it keeps growing!
ReplyDeleteNow, as much as I like this update (such a nice surprise that we got 3 chapters!), I do have one complain: after the group slip up, and we were watching their first interactions, I couldn't help but feel that the change in the character attitude was abrupt; I mean, in one sentence, they were frightened and/or nervous, but then in the next one, they were acting as nothing had happened, I found this mostly on Fluttershy/Butterscotch's part (from the middle of chapter 9 to also the middle of 10).
With that said, the rest was pure fun, specially that last chapter, although I need to ask, will we hear about how those explanations developed? I hope so, since even though we already know those went well, I would love to see the reactions of the CMC and the apple family.
So, see you next time, and I truly hope the next chapter )or chapters!) will be released very soon!
@Enrique262
ReplyDeleteI think the end of Chapter 11 makes Scootaloo's reaction perfectly known. She could care less about what the explanation is, she's got Double Rainbows.
@OminousBrony True, but come on, are you curious about how it went with the others? Sweety Belle, Apple Bloom, Big Mac, Granny Smith, Spike, the Cakes (so far we know they though Berry was Pinkie's mate), heck, even Angel?
ReplyDelete@RWC
ReplyDeleteAh man, it's definitely an idea I've tossed around, but I'm already uploading it to three different sites! It would just be one too many.
@DPV111
ReplyDeleteHey chief! I can appreciate your concerns, but this really isn't too serious of a story. At points it does get a little intense, around Rarity and Elusive's trust issues is the first thing that springs to mind, but at the end of the day I'm trying to make a pretty light-hearted shipfest. I've considered the comedy tag more than once!
@Enrique262
ReplyDeleteAlrighty, good questions here!
With how they act around each other, there are pretty much two things to keep in mind. Number one: they are meant to feel comfortable around each other. They compliment each other perfectly. Number two: they are new to the whole colts and fillies thing, they are awkward and scared. It makes for an eclectic mix of comforting closeness and cringeworthy faux pas. It's like... They are perfectly comfortable around their new friend, but the second things get the teensiest bit romantic, "Holy hay what do I do?!"
As for their meetings, individually, no, they will not all be run through. They may be summarised, and bit and bobs may come through in the dialogue over the next couple of chapters, but they will not be shown in their entirety, similar to how I went with the first meeting of each pair in Canterlot.
@Kroqgar
ReplyDeleteI respect your creative direction. But there is a difference between "comedy" and "random".
Spike is gay in the make world. I WILL MAKE A CLOPFIC ABOUT THIS!
ReplyDelete@Kroqgar
ReplyDeleteI see, and I understand that point, but quite frankly, without an explanation it seemed like a problem with the writing (at least that is how I saw it).
I'm guessing you took that decision in order to start full throttle with the shipping! :D I simply cant complain.
One last thing: The gender part has come with a lot of sexual tension, so, should be expecting sex in this story? Like the vague one during "Kindness reward", or it will never go farther than an "I love you", hugs and kisses?
I really like how this story is coming along, can't wait for future chapters. Easily 5 starts in my book.
ReplyDelete@Daxter Galaxy *Headdesks* It was made fairly clear that Dusk's Spike WAS NOT gay. Instead of a crush, it's more of an... Like with Scoots and Dashie. It's an idol-fan sort of relationship, instead of a crush relationship. Dusk's Spike idolized 'Lucy, but didn't have a CRUSH! So... Sorry to burst you bubble. You can still make whatever fanfic you want, (Free speech and all that) but if you're basing it on THIS fic, then yo-
ReplyDelete*Phone rings*
Sorry Dax, gotta take this.
*Answers* Hello? Oh, 'Legs to Stand on' Inc? Hey! Awesome timing! My friend Daxter here needs ... Oh, you don't? ... You're all out... Out of EVERYTHING? ... I see. So Daxter here is left with nothing to stand on? Okay, thanks anyway! *Hangs up*
Yeah, sorry about that Daxter. You've got nothin' left to stand on, sorry. They're all out of spare legs, so I guess you've got nothing left. Sorry buddy... *Pats Daxter on the back*
~ Moonstone, Minstrel of Equestria
I am thoroughly enjoying this story. The LIGHTNESS of it is a refreshing and heartwarming change from all the drama that goes on in this fandom's fanfic.
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to see CELESTIA's "other."
And will Luna get one as well?
It's well written, certainly, with dialogue flowing nicely; You do a great job making the characters come to life.
ReplyDeleteBut, somehow... I guess it's still not for me. I advise anyone new to give it a try, though; It really is a gem of a story.
@Enrique262
ReplyDeleteYou raise a fine point sir. I haven't exactly figured out how far I'm willing to take things yet. Mostly I think I'm going to leave things unsaid. That's not to say that things won't happen; couples will express their feelings and desires for each other physically, but I'm not going to go into graphic detail. Suffice it to say, there will be absolutely nothing that could be classified as clop, but there may be a couple of rolls in the hay. We'll see.
@Magical Trevor
ReplyDeleteEasy Trev, he's just telling it like he sees it. While in my story Spike is indeed not gay in the memories of the colts, if Daxter wants to think of it like that, so be it. Might be a little weird down the line, but whatever.
@RHJunior
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you say that man, that's exactly what I'm going for! Bright, happy ponies in a bright, happy story!
As for the Solar Sisters, their role from here on in is a little unclear, and may be placed on the backburner. I'll have to see how I go for time. As is, at most they will be a kind of sidestory.
@Nickel Gunner
ReplyDeleteWell, I respect your opinion mate. Thanks for the praise, and I understand exactly what you mean. You can read a story and not enjoy it, but still know that it is well done.
@Kroqgar
ReplyDeleteThank you too. I wasn't sure I should've even posted that; It still sounded too negative in my head, and implying this story was bad was exactly what I didn't want. Glad I could get across what I meant!
I... don't want to sound like a little impatient brat, yet at the same time I have to ask, since, as said before, this story gets more and more interesting with each passing chapter: How is the progress on the next part/(hopefully) parts?
ReplyDelete@Enrique262
ReplyDeleteYou don't sound impatient at all man! In all honesty, you sound a fair bit like my conscience right now.
Not to fret, Chapter 12 is most certainly coming. Things are just taking a while due to a few issues I'm having. But I can guarantee you that this story is not yet over. Hell, when you think about it, at least 75% of this thing so far takes place over the course of one morning!
@Kroqgar
ReplyDelete(12 days later... sorry).
I'm so glad to hear you say that! :) I can almost taste all that awesome shipping :D
Say, haven't you considered submitting this story to FIMfiction?
@Enrique262
ReplyDeleteI have, it's just that I'm already submitting it to three different places, and formatting each chapter for each place takes long enough!
I really enjoy this story, so understand my asking Y U NO POST UPDATE?!? I understand how long it takes and the mess ups in the posting, so this is just my fan-addiction craving my next metaphorical "hit"... And thank you for writing what you have so far, I really love it!
ReplyDeleteP.S. You think there could be any inclusion of me (Artemis)?
I really enjoy this story, so understand my asking Y U NO POST UPDATE?!? I understand how long it takes and the mess ups in the posting, so this is just my fan-addiction craving my next metaphorical "hit"... And thank you for writing what you have so far, I really love it!
ReplyDeleteP.S. You think there could be any inclusion of me (Artemis)?
Sorry for double posting, this comment system is still buggy... :)
ReplyDeleteAlways a fan,
Artemis.
@Lord Artemis
ReplyDeleteHey mate, I'm glad to see you're liking it!
As you can see I'm still lurking around, craving these delicious comments... They sustain me.
Anywho, Chapter 12 has been in the works for waaay too long, but I just can't seem to get my shit together and finish it. I don't know, we'll just have to see how things go. As for including OCs, it's really something I'm not in the habit of doing, sorry mate.
~Kroqgar
No, I was talking about how you hinted at including my brother, lord Solaris, and I was wondering if there was going to be any sight of Luna's doppleganger, Artemis (me). But what you are doing is amazing, and I have no complaints or reasons to tell you to change anything at all.
ReplyDeleteStay Frosty,
Artemis.
@Lord Artemis
ReplyDeleteOhhhhh, Prince Artemis, I didn't realise it was you! Apologies milord.
As for whether you'll be setting your hooves in Helping Hoof anytime soon... Well, stay tuned. You might just be surprised.
~Kroqgar
Huzah! I await the submition of the next section with great anticipation!
ReplyDeleteYour Royal friend,
Artemis.
I just read all the way to chapter 11.
ReplyDeleteME GUSTA. The premise of this story is awesome and I can't wait for the next chapter!
Not to sound impatient, but I really can't wait for this to update! My friend said I should ask you about becoming a prereader, so I was wondering, is there any way I can become a prereader for this fanfic? I have started prereading for some other fanfics and this is one of my favorite stories...
ReplyDeleteIn any case, thank you for writing this wonderful story, I await your next contribution to this.
Your Anticipating friend,
Artemis.
@Lord Artemis
ReplyDeleteHey mate,
No, you have every right to be impatient. This is taking a very long time. I'm working 18 hour days 6 days a week, and have to catch up on everything at home on day 7, so I don't have the time I used to. The next chapter and a half is written up, but I just haven't been able to put my full effort towards them. I've got a little bit of time to myself for the Easter weekend, so hopefully I'll be able to work through another chapter or so. And I would be more than happy to have you on board as a pre-reader, but the fact of the matter is that there would rarely be anything for you to do. Life, I'm afraid, take first priority, and writing is further down the list than I would care to admit these days.
In any case, if you're still keen, feel free to shoot me an email at [email protected] and we'll work something out.
~Kroqgar
@Kroqgar
ReplyDeleteTake your time. This story is worth the wait.
@DPV111
ReplyDeleteWell, I've actually just finished up a Shining X Cadance one-shot, but I'm working out the kinks to get it on EQD.
I feel that whoever wrote this can make a rather successful living as a writer. Who agrees???
ReplyDelete@KroqgarHey, I saw someone talking about being a pre-reader and I was wondering what exactly a pre-reader does because it sounds interesting and it sounds like the kind of thing I would do.
ReplyDelete@BigB-ren
ReplyDeleteHey mate, I'm touched you liked Helping Hoof enough to volunteer to be a pre-reader.
Fact of the matter is, this story is in a weird place right now. On hiatus, I suppose. I'm unsure as to whether it will be continued, and in what manner. You'll just have to stay tuned for whatever happens, because I'll definitely let everyone know if it stops here or continues.
~Kroqgar
@KroqgarWell, thanks for replying to my comments! I'm now much happier knowing why there is a hold up. But as many people, I really hope it continues. Or at the very least, maybe take a break from it altogether until you have more free time on your hands because I also realize that, as said above, you are leading a busy life, so I'm sure everyone may understand. But I say that it probably won't due to stop here. I would understand in any other circumstance, but you ended chapter 11 with "Their families accepted them. Their friendS accepted them. Their loved ones accepted them. For now, that was enough." I would have been okay with ending it there if you hadn't said "For now, that was enough." You said for now. That makes everyone expect more. That's what made me expect more. So I ask on behalf of everyone else, maybe not now, maybe not a 6 months from now but we all just want something more, a true send off.
ReplyDelete@Kroqgar it would be such a shame to see such an amazing fic like this just simply die... i mean you even managed to get it featured on EqD!!! I REALLY hope that you see this through to the end. Too many fanfics all over the internet just simply get abandon and i would HATE to see this end up in the pile of the forgotten and unfinished. if not continue it yourself, atleast try to find an author who would be willing to continue? i would much rather see any kind of conclusion than none at all.
ReplyDeleteDon't give up!
ReplyDeleteThe show must go on!
Go for the gold!
...
I'm running out of generic lines of encouragement, but you should totally keep doing this fic.
It took LunaMoonlight100 on FF.Net putting a boot up my ass to say it, but yes, I WILL be continuing Helping Hoof. Fact of the matter is I can't at the moment; I've lost my job and... Well, if that's happened to you then you know that's stress enough, but suffice it to say it's not the only thing hanging over me right now. My life has been in pretty amazing amounts of flux this year, so hopefully I can find steady employment soon, and settle down so I can do the things I enjoy.
ReplyDeleteSo, I AM continuing the story; I just can't right now.
I read the comment at the end of chapter 12. Yes! for luna's sake write more!
ReplyDeletePlease, for my sake.... I could not believe you would stop when so close to including me! This is hands down my favorite story on this site, and i keep checking updates to see if this story is there. The fantastic writing and heart-swelling ships are what we need more of in this community.
ReplyDeleteYou continued fanatic and friend,
Lord Artemis.
Two and a bit chapters done. I'm back baby.
ReplyDelete@Kroqgar
ReplyDeleteHurrah! Excitement grips my as I prepare for these updates!
Thank you again,
Lord Artemis.
@Lord Artemis
ReplyDeletehttp://www.fimfiction.net/user/Kroqgar
Keep an eye out!
In fact, I may as well let everyone know. No longer updating any site except FIM-Fiction, so keep an eye out there for new chapters. Will still be submitting them to EQD though.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.fimfiction.net/user/Kroqgar