Author: Kegisak
Description: Caught in the middle of a struggle between Equestria and a neighboring country, Blueblood finds himself alone in unfriendly territory. Through trials and hardships he finds himself under the wing of a veteran soldier, and the arrogant, spoiled stallion begins a slow metamorphosis into the prince his country needs.All Links after the break!
The Colour You Bleed (All Links)
Google Documents
The Colour You Bleed Part 1
The Colour You Bleed Part 2
The Colour You Bleed Part 3
The Colour You Bleed Part 4
The Colour You Bleed Part 5
The Colour You Bleed Part 6
The Colour You Bleed Part 7
The Colour You Bleed Part 8
The Colour You Bleed Part 9
The Colour You Bleed Part 10
The Colour You Bleed Part 11
The Colour You Bleed Part 12
The Colour You Bleed Part 13
The Colour You Bleed Part 14
The Colour You Bleed Part 15 (New!)
The Colour You Bleed Part Epilogue (New!)
Additional Tags: Can Truly Anypony Earn Redemption?
130 comments:
I dread "(All Links)".
ReplyDelete=|
Sounds good, I hope he gets what's coming to him.
ReplyDeletePrince Blueblood becoming a real prince under a veteran soldier's wing?? Must read.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete@wackyteen Well, don't, it's only two chapters.
ReplyDelete@Jelfes
ReplyDeletelength doesn't bother me. it means facfiction.net, normally, and me no gusta fanfiction.net's layout. much prefer Google Docs layout or DA.
Oh come on? Blueblood gets a redemption? I can understand Trixie, but Blueblood out of anyypony?
ReplyDeleteOh well, I'll give it a read.
i guess he bleeds, BLUE
ReplyDelete...im so sorry
@thunderhooves
ReplyDelete/Sunglasses
Well, I'm guessing that it's supposed to be blue; if there's no heart(calling Blueblood heartless) then the blood will turn blue due to lack of oxygen, but, that's just what I would assume the title meant, or maybe I'm going too far into thought on this.
ReplyDelete@Jelfes
ReplyDeleteActually, blood is always red. The only reason veins look blue is because of the skin. Some people have green veins.
Just thought I should share.
Put blood in a vacuum lacking of oxygen and it'll turn blue. When there's a lower content of oxygen in the bloodstream the blood will appear a darker blue. Read Here
ReplyDelete@Jelfes
ReplyDelete*will appear a bluish red
Blood is actually purple-ish in colour when inside the body, when it is exposed to natural air the oxygen changes the colour to red.
ReplyDelete/themoreyouknow
The Title becomes clear once you read the story. Something I can very much recommend; Even if you don't like the character, the writing is (to my mind) top notch. And if you don't like him... there'll be something for you, don't worry.
ReplyDeleteAlso, saying Trixie deserves redemption while Blueblood doesn't is absolutely hilarious. Again, to my mind.
@Mattatatta True, because most of the time you won't be taking deep breaths and filling the blood to its maximum potential air intake, the blood will be somewhere in between the two and end up a purple-ish color, albeit slightly redder than blue or the blood wouldn't have enough air to sustain itself while supporting the rest of the body's organs/tissues. (okay, I hate being off topic, I'm done)
ReplyDeleteBut, yeah, this is a really good story, from what I've read so far.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAnd why do people think blood is blue inside your body?
ReplyDeletejust so wrong...
Blood in your arteries is bright red (Oxygenated), blood in your veins in Dark Red (carries carbon dioxide)
Your blood is bright red in the artery and dark red in veins. You do not have "blue blood". It only appears blue because the veins are white and carrying dark red blood. Being viewed through the skin, which diffuses the light, makes the veins appear blue.
This is actually very interesting. He actually portrays Blueblood quite well and doesn't go over the top. This however makes the other ponies hatred of him seem a tad disproportionate.
ReplyDeleteBut I suppose that just mirrors how people reacted to him when they watched the episode. Disproportionate hatred for what were really for things that should have at the most elicited slight dislike.
O.o Wow... Maybe it's just Trevor, but isn't the end of chapter one just a TEENSY bit harsh, even for him? One guesses that's why the tag of Light-Grimdark, but still... That's just harsh... Still going to keep reading, but still...
ReplyDelete~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria
Oops, I just noticed they didn't put up the google docs links! I've sent in an email about that, so hopefuly that'll get fixed up soon. I dread FanFictions formatting myself, I only put it up for people who can't see GDocs, for whatever reason.
ReplyDeleteYeah, that thing at the end of chapter 1... we're trading the redemption of one pony who's a bit of a douche for another pony descending into total-monsterhood. Yow. Will there be a sequel story where Iron Tower gets redeemed in turn, perhaps? He's more in need of it than Blueblood now.
ReplyDelete@Bryan
ReplyDeleteActually...
Now that I think of it that actually makes an interesting point.
Who is really worse, someone who is a bit of a douche or someone who thinks that the douchebag should suffer horrifically for nothing more then being a bit of a douche?
That hopefully should get the Blueblood haters thinking...
@Corkscrew
ReplyDeleteAnd if someone thinks the douche deserves punishment for being a douche to the douche, what does that make them?
Okay, I'm being a plot. I'll stop.
@ShadowsPony
ReplyDeleteIre wasn't being a douche to the douche, he was being downright cruel.
There is a difference.
Ire seems to me to be a reflection to all of those Bronies who feel Blueblood should actually suffer for the simple crime of being a douchebag.
Sure, he might deserve to get his comeuppance but he basically did when he had cake shaken all over him at the Gala.
He hardly deserves real punishment and I would hardly consider any story to be a real "redemption" of his character. He could mature and grow as a character, but he's hardly in need of being redeemed.
Someone who would actually try to punish him for just being a harmless jackass is to me a far worse person then the jackass.
...I haven't read a word of the story yet, but I just had to say, that title is simply epic.
ReplyDeleteWell... this is a pretty good story, but my suspension of disbelief totally failed at "there was still no evidence that he had ever been a unicorn."
ReplyDeleteThere should be something. A stump, a wound. It just happened the night before, too.
@Nyerguds
ReplyDeleteFair enough. There actually is evidence - and it will come up later in the piece - but for the time being anyone looking would just assume the wound was a head injury - keep in mind, Seagrass already had. Plus, it was hidden behind his mane.
Blue Blood Burns Blue
ReplyDeleteI do so love Blueblood stories.
Kudos to the author.
I really do hate Bueblood
ReplyDeleteAnd what iv read so far only enrages my hate even more.
There can be no redemption from using rarity as a cake shield!
@Desert Rose
ReplyDeleteI do hope that was intended to be joking.
have to say i read all of this on fimfiction.com you guys should really give it a chance it totally worth the read @Desert Rose read it it'll make you think :D
ReplyDeleteWoohoo! Pain and suffering! ... Is what you expect one to say, yes? Wrong! One is grateful that he FINALLY had his breakthrough, as the story should now be more interesting. NOW begins the new stuff, in Trevor's opinion. It was obvious that he needed to be broken, so now it's time to see him grow and become fixed.
ReplyDelete~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria
NEW CHAPTER! YAY!
ReplyDeleteIt was awesome as usual, yes, but Trevor has a question.
**SPOILER** Is his new name Redblood, or just Red? Just want a clarification please! **END SPOILER**
Anyhoof, please keep up the awesome work! One is eagerly awaiting the next chapter!
~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria
It's just Red, now.
ReplyDeleteOkay! Trevor thought so, but wanted to double-check. Thanks for taking the time to answer! Shows you care!
ReplyDelete~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria
Great chapter. The best writing I've seen in a while.
ReplyDeleteThanks!
There will be no redemption for Blueblood but he can start over as someone, something different.
ReplyDeleteReally, Iron and Letters shouldn't worry about what Celestia might do. They should worry about Amethyst. On that note, I guess Blueblood doesn't have a father?
ReplyDeleteAnyhow, I hope we will, at some point, come to the part where he rebuilds himself. He's been broken down enough, way more than anypony deserves (I bet if this were Trixie readers would be up in arms over this treatment). And I do mean rebuild himself; Just denying who he is and pretending to be somepony else for the rest of his life doesn't cut it. Change him too much and you end up with something that doesn't remotely resemble the original character, and I don't think that's a good thing.
@Nickel Gunner
ReplyDeleteheh... You're a clever pony, you know that? Yeah, Blueblood's father passed on when he was very young. Good, honest stallion, would have been a good influence on Blueblood if he was still around.
As for the rest of it... well, you are a clever pony. Keep on reading ;)
Yessssssssssss! Been waiting for this update! Things seem to be moving rather slowly now, but hopefully it'll pick back up again in a few chapters! Anyhoof, please keep up the excellent work!
ReplyDelete~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria
Excellent, as always. Please, could I humbly ask for MORE?.
ReplyDeleteI really do enjoy reading this story and I feel that having only 4 stars does this gem a grievous harm. It really does deserve more! 5 full stars from me!
This is one of my favorite stories. Thank you for continuing to support this story, it's just too good. Five stars all the way.
ReplyDeleteSeth!
ReplyDeleteWhy u no show chapter 7?
Seriously? What the heck! Ah well, guess I'm reading it on FF.net.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry guys, I've sent him an email about it.
ReplyDeleteLoL Seth, you labeled it chapter 8.
ReplyDelete6,8 .......ur doing it wrong lol
ReplyDeletehey were is the leak song ah here it is
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQXRaKqh1ic
don't thank me XD
Thank you for teh update! 8D LOVE this fic!
ReplyDelete~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria
Derp seth, get some rest!
ReplyDeleteThat last chapter almost made me cry though.
Author spelled color wrong. #JustSayNoToSuperfluousUs
ReplyDeleteThis story made me feel sorry for Blueblood.
ReplyDeleteAnd if there is something I find intolerable, its someone who thinks they're better then someone else for whatever reason...
Logic dictates I should see all Blueblood is going trough as his just reward. But I don't ... logic be damned. I hope all will turn out for the better for him.
One has to wonder is there isn't some way for Blue to get his horn back later though, somehow... One means, a horn IS made of alicorn, so... Maybe? Meh, doesn't really matter that much. Just trying to guess what happens in the future chapters. (Sopeaking of chapters... Do you have a guess as to how long this fic will go? Will there be a sequel after it ends? Will you get tired of Trevor's pointless questions, when he should jsut wait happily for the next chapter?)
ReplyDelete~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria
@Trevor: Nonsense! I love answering pointless questions, it's a good way to feel out my audience and adjust my plans. As of my current plan, the fic is about halfway done - I expect it to run for about another 6 or 7 chapters, with a shorter epilogue, but that's subject to change. I don't have any real plans for a sequel, but the ending leaves me open to one if I want to.
ReplyDeleteNow, in regards to his horn. I've left a few hints around in regards to what's going to happen in that regard. It's going to be a fairly important plot point so I won't spoil, but despite people taking it as a given he'll get his horn back, it could easily go either way at this point.
@David Kreutz: Bah! I didn't spell it wrong, you've just been using the wrong english for your entire life.
@Darkfoxx
ReplyDeleteI don't think it would be right to call it "just". I mean, being beaten, crippled, traumatised? And for what, being a pompous jackass? That's just.. I don't know. I DO know people who'd come to believe they weren't worth anything though, and let me tell you, that was horrible. I don't wish that on anyone. I can understand your sentiment, because self-absorbed smugness makes my blood boil... Still. Just Too much.
!!!Spoiler and Shameless Overanalyzation below!!!
Brook and Blueblood are kind of similar, aren't they? They're both trying to pretend: Blueblood think's if he tries hard enough to pretend his old life didn't exist he can absolve himself of his guilt, and Brook is trying to pretend that old and damaged things are always salvageable (if not as good as new things) because (as I see it) it keeps his mind off the fact that that's why he was dismissed/replaced from the army. I wouldn't be surprised if his old job as a soldier was pretty much what he structured his whole life around, and once that fell away he was left with very little to do. He probably also doesn't have children of his own, for the same reason. Never got around to forming a relationship...
So Blueblood might become a aurrogate son to the old soldier.
@kegisak
ReplyDeleteOh wow... You answered Trevor's questions! Thanks! While it can be a spoiler in and of itself to know how much longer the fic goes on for, it also helps with the anticipation, you know? It helps make it even MORE exciting to know that it's getting closer to the end, or the middle, ect. One is very glad you care enough to answer our inane questions, so for that, Trevor thanks you deeply! If one has any more pointless questions to ask, one will be sure to do so! For now, one will just wait patiently for the next chapter to be completed! Time to go do one's pre-reading duties! ONWARD! TO GLORIOUS BATTLE!
~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria
What a story of self discovery, almost like a rebirth story and we are only going through gestation now. I was hesitant to follow this story, but now I think I will. I wonder if that Merchant would have thought about pressing charges over the apple had he known the thief would be sold into slavery. If anything he may feel cheated, certainly the price paid for Blueblood to the guard would have far exceeded the value of the apple.
ReplyDeleteHonestly I want to continue to read it.
Another thing, when Brook speaks, I cannot help but imagine Leonard Nemoy's voice speaking. I imagine it in the Master Xehanort voice from the Kingdom Hearts video games. It sounds so wise.
Wow, this is an amazing series. You really end up feeling pity for Blueblood halfway through. Nopony deserves to suffer through the crap he's gone through. Especially slavery, one of the worst things ever.
ReplyDeleteYou have made me care for a character who has only been portrayed in the worst light. *tips hat* ... I should really buy more hats.
ReplyDeleteHmm . . . I've read the whole story from chapter 1 through chapter 7 in one sitting.
ReplyDeleteI will give you credit for an abundant amount of skill sir. Your descriptions are clear, the portrayal of the different characters is excellent, and the world is gritty and terrible. Which brings me to the reason I will unfortunately (probably) be reading no more of this as it continues to develop. The world you have portrayed is excellent bar none. It is varied and colorful, with a wide variety of . . . YES. The problem for me in particular is slavery. In the world you have created, I find it completely appalling that Celestia, being gifted with near limitless power, has not abolished slavery, weather it be in her country or not.
I am one of those who believes that if you, as an individual, have the power (in whatever form that takes) to alleviate the ongoing suffering of others you have an indisputable obligation to do so by whatever means necessary. Furthermore to punish, to the fullest possible extent, those individuals who brought about said suffering in the first place. The reasoning for said punishment should NEVER be for revenge, but to make examples to help ensure there are no repeat performances, to ensure they never cause needless suffering ever again.
Despite my personal feelings about the story, the fact remains that you are extremely talented and your story is excellent. I give you 6 stars sir. I look forward to seeing more fruit from your fertile imagination in the near future.
@Truthseeker
ReplyDeleteYou know, I'll be honest with you. Out of all the reactions I anticipated, I never once thought someone would take issue with that. But hey, it's still valid; it's a personal opinion after all.
Celestia actually is doing something about it - she's just being very subtle. By uniting the countries like she plans, it would allow Equestria and the other countries some degree of sway in Aloa's policies. It would also make their relationship much more stable, meaning that Aloa would actually accept their meddling without openly going to war against the goddess. Which, by the way, the Aloans would.
There's also a lot of cultural issues that I haven't developed yet, but will in the future chapters, so I really do encourage you to keep on reading. They all have a bearing on the issue. But for the time being, know that Celestia is doing something, she and her sister just have a tendency to work very behind the scenes, as we've seen in the show.
Even if you don't keep reading though, I really appreciate you taking the time to read through them Thanks a lot for the comment!
@Truthseeker
ReplyDeleteThe Diamond Dogs also practice slavery (or are willing to), yet haven't been wiped out by the princess either. That might be due to their ineptitude, of course... In any case, slavery does seem to exist in canon.
Been reading this fic as it has progressed.
ReplyDeleteI originally gave it four stars but the last three chapters earned a six star in my opinion.
Writing is great, background is also being well established. I like learning more about the various politics and kingdoms slowly as time goes on.
@Author, keep going your writing just keeps getting better.
YES! UPDATE! THANK YOU! This just made Trevor's day, SERIOUSLY! Today was going to be SO long and boring, but then you updated! Now, onto the comment!
ReplyDeleteGreat chapter overall! While there might be SOME who argue that it might be taking FOREVER for Blueblood to be getting better, recover, whatever, Trevor can vouch for how long it's taking. It's a VERY realistic time-frame so far. Also....
~*SPOILER ALERT!*~
/iseewhatyoudidthere.jpg Trevor sees how you mentioned the heavy wings and whatnot in the beginning, and then never went back, distracting the readers with Blueblood! You don't want to give ponies time to read into what was written! The We was capitalized! Lulu found them! GAH! Trevor wants to know what Lulu is going to do with them! AAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
~*END SPOILER*~
... So yeah. You'd better not keep Trevor waiting for WEEKS to find out what happens next like a few OTHER fics! Trevor just HAS to know what happens! (But don't rush! Take your time! Just don't take more than, say... 16 days? Great!)
~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria
p.s. Trevor likes this fic a lot, can't you tell?
@Trevor:
ReplyDeleteDon't you worry. The schedule is still at a chapter per week, so unless something really bad goes down (which is possible, since I'm in crunch right now, but it's close to over) Chapter 9 will be out next sunday, as usual.
The time thing is an issue, though. I agree with you that it's an accurate timeframe, and I can testify for it, but the fact remains if it feels like it's dragging, then it feels like it's dragging. Accurate or no, that's not good. There's also a danger of slipping into wangst, but... well, I've got it covered.
I'm glad you're enjoying it so much. I appreciate all the kind words.
Awesome story!
ReplyDeleteI just read chapters 1-8 and it had me enthralled the whole time.
Other than a couple spelling errors, It's practically pinkie perfect
I really thought I was the only one who like Blueblood stories. When I found this I nearly died of joy. I really, really love Blueblood's characterization and all the witty plays off his name. I also love, absolutely love the original character's. (I'm talking about Wet Mane and Brig, so chapter nine made me whimper a bit.)
ReplyDeleteI actually really loved how you showed the gradual change into good Blueblood. It was realistic and I didn't feel it was dragged out at all (if course, I read chapters 1-8 all at once, so it was all there for me). I can't wait for the rest of the story, I'm looking forward to finding out what Wet decides to do now, what Iron and Letter's backup plan is.
On a total off note, I usually really dislike stories told through multiple point of views, but reading through Iron's and Wet's point of view is entertaining for me.
WOOHOO! Read it this morning at 8 in the morning! THANK YOU FOR POSTING IT TO FIMFIC FOR TRACKING! 8D
ReplyDelete~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria
Once again, I have no words to describe insane amounts of awesome.
ReplyDeleteWith all the heart-to-heart talks between Brook and Blueblood going on, I became very glad this story doesn't have a [Shipping] tag. Just saiyan.
ReplyDeleteAnywho, it's going great so far, keep it up.
Wow sir.
ReplyDeleteIt seems that your writing style and my own are far more similar than I originally thought.
I took your request to heart and have kept reading. I have not been disappointed. Indeed the opposite seems to be the case, as I am continuously drawn in more and more into your world.
I love it! More please.
I have to admit that I see a rather distinctive similarity between your depiction of Blueblood and the main character from my own story, 'The Vagabond'. Your portrayal of how Blueblood's character change comes about is beautiful and much more true to life than most would want to admit. Often in these modern days, we forget that the vast majority of maturing we did while growing up involved a great number of tears and hugs from family.
I have a very selfish request to make to you. Would you mind reading and critiquing my story? I respect you as a fellow writer and would value your input.
@Truthseeker
ReplyDeleteThat's wonderful! I'm glad that you decided to keep reading. And I'm glad that you can appreciate how Blueblood is growing. Guilt is something that we're all familiar with, I'm sure, so it's good that it can resonate.
And I would love to read your story. In fact, I was thinking of looking at it when you mentioned it, before the request. I think I recall seeing it before, as well. It looked interesting, but at the time I wasn't able to do much reading. I promise that I'll find time to take a look at it soon, though.
Again, thank you very much for keeping on reading in spite of your concerns. The more I write the more I build up the world, so hopefully it will become more clear why it still exists.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteIn Chapter 6 when Blueblood seen one of the books on the bookshelve called "All Quiet in the Eastern Sky" was that a reference to the book "All Quiet on the Western Front"?
ReplyDelete@That White Guy
ReplyDeleteYup! Almost all of the books mentioned have been references to books in real life - some of them less references than outright putting the book in when I couldn't think of a pun.
Am I the only one who thinks this story would make an excellent movie? Like a high budget fantasy film? There are normal humans, weaker magic users, and birdmen. I know birdmen sounds extreme, but think about it. Only one Pegasus even shows up in this. It'd would be an epic story about cruel irony and redemption. Kinda like The Count of Monte Cristo, but he doesn't go for revenge, but self betterment instead. But everpony here should want him to kill Iron at this point. amiright.jpeg
ReplyDelete@noodletanker
ReplyDeleteeh... I'm not so sure it would work as a movie. It's just that it's got a lot of scope, as far as movies go, you know? Maybe it would work better as a series or miniseries, like Game of Thrones. But then again certain scenes later on I'd certainly want to see done with one hell of a budget. Maybe dividing it into multiple movies might do it better.
The conversion from pony to human isn't really perfect either; certain events don't really work if you think of earth ponies as 'normal' humans. I'd probably end up calling them something like 'Stone folk', next to the pegasus 'skyborn' and the unicorn 'Third eyed men'.
Not, you know, that I'd given it much though...
I, personally, am very upset at the rating of this story. This takes Blueblood's redemption to a new level, and yet it's only rated a 4.5?! Where's the problems?! There's certainly no major grammar problems, no issues with flow, so what gives? Is it just automatic hate of Blueblood or something?
ReplyDelete@Magical Trevor
ReplyDeleteI'm... sort of disinclined to go around saying this in case people actually did have a legitimate reason not to like it, but a lot of fics tend to get 'nuked' with one-stars when they're first posted.
It happens for various reasons I think - some people don't like dark, and it's possible some people just hated Blueblood. It's also possible some people just do it to every fic they see (it's certainly happened to every one I've ever posted), and I just never got enough readership to make up for that initial hit. Honestly I'm just proud I made it to five star. This is only the third fic that's made it that far, so I'm glad.
Still, I imagine there are legitimate reasons not to like it - lord knows I could probably name a few.
MagicalTrevor - you're right. Something is very wrong here! Just 4.5 stars?! 45 without a decimal point would be closer to what I think this gem is worth!
ReplyDeleteLegitimate reasons not to like it:
- it's perfect and some people don't like perfection
- it's too good to be of any competition to almost anything else and some people are jealous
- it's perfect and some people don't like perfection
Enough said. Obvious 5 stars from me!
Best story i've ever read.
ReplyDeleteCurses, a cliffhanger if there could ever be for this story. This is where the author gives up and never returns! Swear, it's good writing when it gets me to actually care about what happens to Blueblood.
ReplyDeleteThis story is really just great. I have to say that this and Transcendence are my favorite fics.
ReplyDeleteRemember kids, slavery builds character!
ReplyDeleteOh my gods that cliffhanger.
ReplyDeleteI don't think i'll be able to sleep at night now.
This is the best "redeemed Blueblood" fic I've read, but more than that, it's just a damn good story overall. Blueblood's breakdown and gradual rebuilding of himself is realistic and heartbreaking. All of the OCs are fully rounded characters; even the guards hunting Blueblood are characters in their own right, not just "lolz I'z an evil guaaard" thugs.
ReplyDelete@Izzy Here
ReplyDeleteLulz troll, go back to your bridge. This thread is for cool people.
Author....I swear to Celestia if you do not continue this fic post haste and drop it I WILL HUNT YOU DOSN AND GUT YOU LIKE A FISH!! Other than that this is one of the best fics I've read ^_^ great work.
DOWN*
ReplyDeleteSee, rage spelling is best spelling!
OMG! War? What the hell?
ReplyDeleteHey there, dude.
I gave your story a shout out in my most recent chapter. I hope you get more readers. Your story is absolutely incredible! You're killing me with this cliffhanger. Please! I need the next chapter!
p.s.: cudos on the Sea Ponies.
@Truthseeker
ReplyDeleteWow, thanks a lot!
And by the way, I have been trying to read your story. I've just been busy, with it being so close to the end of term and all. I'll be able to look at it over my break, I promise.
Come on everypony, it's just a clever title...
ReplyDeleteAnywho, I'm loving this story so far =) I eagerly await the next chapter!
Thoughts nearing the end of this chapter:
ReplyDeleteOkay, we had a lot of good relationship building, Blueblood seems to have passed through his self-pity phase entirely and is in the process of genuinely improving... we learned a lot this chapter, and came close to a couple more big revelations. If things keep going like this, and Tia can hold off on open war for another chapter or two, we should have a nice peaceful resolution in which everypony learns something and-
A message? What's this about?
...
[buy some apples!]
Hay Celestia, what happened to the "careful politicians" thing?
ReplyDeleteNow I'm glad I couldn't get to this chapter before Thursday. I don't think I could make it to the next update. The anticipation would do me in!
Still one of the best stories I've had the joy of reading!
Thanks
This story is awesome and i love cliffhangers!
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to see how blueblood reacts and if he says "Ya its kinda my fault. Sorry bout that"
Why did he not just ask to send a letter to his mother? Brook would have said yes. i can even tell you what he would say:
"Dear mother. I am fine and well. I am sorry to say i am unable to tell you where i am, but i will be coming back when the time is right. I love you soo much. Love, blueblood"
Ok, thats a bit short, but it is the gist of it. Just wright the letter to stop a war.
@Gramis
ReplyDeleteWell, the problem with that is that Amethyst would never believe it was Blueblood. his writing would be different, and he would word it much differently. Even if she did believe he wrote it, she would assume that he was forced to write it. It's a good thought, but I've given a lot of the options a lot of thought. Between Amethysts determination and Aloa's cultural pigheadedness, there are only a few viable options.
I'm glad your enjoying it, though!
The fact this story isn't 6-star is a crime against ponyness
ReplyDelete@ImpendingPony
ReplyDeleteI could not agree more.
6-star story, straight up, no lie....Gods this is epic. Btw I saw what you did with your little OC Alicorn ;). Good placement though I admit.
ReplyDeleteI am now gonna go cry cause I have to wait till the next update
needs to update faster
ReplyDeleteAmazing story though, I want to know what happens next
ReplyDeleteHah. I should've seen this coming, but I didn't- I was too wrapped up in your amazing narrative. Everything makes perfect sense; down to why Brook was willing to pay so ridiculous an amount of money for a single slave.
ReplyDeleteAnd it's probably hatred for Blueblood that keeps this story from 6 stars. I wager even a different picture would net you more stars (sad as that is).
!!MASSIVE SPOILERS AHEAD! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!
I couldn't imagine being in Brook's horseshoes. To carry around such a burden of guilt, for such a long time. He wasn't brave enough to send the letters either, was he? Not that I can fault him... If I were he, and finally met the poor boy whom I've taken so much from- and in the state Red is in, further abusing himself as he is because he's convinced himself he DESERVES it; Because the world is a just place, has to be a just place... It'd tear me apart.
The important question is, of course, what now? If Blueblood is returned to Equestria ASAP they can avoid another war. (Incidentally, I am surprised Letters ever considered this plan feasible, after the Princess put her hoof down last time they tried EXACTLY THE SAME THING. Really, how long has that one been in office?)
Finally another update! it probably hasn't been very long at all, but it's felt like ages.
ReplyDeleteI'm hooked. That's all I can say. This is one of, if not THE best, MLP fanfiction I have read thus far, and I've read quite a few.
I'm pretty sure that when this fic ends I will have nothing to do but listlessly browse the web for a very long time. Rather pathetic, I know, but I think it's a testament to the astounding quality of this gem of a fic.
Wondering what exactly Brook thought would happen if Blueblood actually left him. He would be at the capital of the nation, a non-citizen from Equestria. He would have been grabbed by another slaver 500 feet from the port they arrived at.
ReplyDeleteI do love the whole "redemption" thing you have going on. Really a valuable lessen.
Great update! I is so excited
ReplyDeleteVery good chapter, but there are a few grammar/spelling mistakes in there. You should always do a once-over before posting it.
ReplyDeleteBut Prince Tidus Part Sea pony? How did I not see that coming? Cant wait to the final confrontation between Iron and Blue.
@Gramis
ReplyDeleteFor what it's worth, I actually tend to do several once-overs before publishing a chapter, as well as putting it through 2 reviewers/editors. Some mistakes just slip past.
Wow... This story gets SO underrated... I, for one, thought the entire thing was BRILLIANT, and I can't wait to see what more you do, whether it be a sequel, or a different story/arc altogether! Can't wait! So long, and thanks for all the ponies! *Salutes* /]
ReplyDelete~ Moonstone, Minstrel of Equestria
Kind of sad it's over :( It is just that good.
ReplyDeleteYou author are my hero. This is one of the best fics I have ever read and it is instant headcannon for me. Explaining why Blue was up there with Rarity and such.
ReplyDelete6-star! o7
*slow clap*
ReplyDeleteCool, I didn't know Vanner helped out with this. Very nice story, I agree with Magical Trevor that it's sadly underrated/underappreciated. Well done!
ReplyDeleteThis story doesn't have easily recognizable fan factor that would attract people to it. So yes, it is expected to be underappreciated if it's good.
ReplyDeleteAnd it is good.
Awesome story, 5-stars for sure.
ReplyDeleteAfter I had read the first four chapters of this story, I gave it five stars because I was feeling nice that day.
ReplyDeleteNow that the story is over, the only thing I'm annoyed about is that there aren't nearly enough stars for me to rate this in the way it deserves. Not enough stars in the sky.
So, thank you for writing this fic. It is indisputably the best fanfiction I have ever read, and I'll never look at Blueblood the same way again.
You took the only MLP character I disliked and turned him into my favourite, hoofs down. If that isn't literary talent, I don't know what is.
And hey, who cares if this didn't actually happen. I reject Hasbro's reality and substitute my own.
XX
Just finished reading it. That was a wonderful ending! I loved this story from the moment i started reading it! I hope you continue writing, your good at it! You earned all 5 of my stars.
ReplyDeleteBeen staring at this story forever, refusing to read it because I didn't think it would be any good. Then lo and behold I see it's finished, saw the praise and figured I'd have to try it on the recommendations of others.
ReplyDeleteYou earned your stars, every last one of them.
I started reading this story sometime around chapter four or five, I don't remember exactly when. I refrained from commenting or starring it at the time, because I wasn't yet sure how I felt about the story. With each successive chapter, I've read, considered what was written, and ultimately decided to withhold judgement for another chapter.
ReplyDeleteWell, I'm out of chances to stall now. I never have been entirely happy with some of the decisions made in this story, but I haven't pointed them out because they couldn't really be addressed without completely altering the story. To give one example, I was never happy with Iron being out-and-out insane--I think having Blueblood's predicament be the result of a madpony's psychosis rather than a true outgrowth of his atrocious behavior undermines the whole redemption angle. Why does he need redemption when his circumstance was the result of the vicissitudes of fate, rather than his own pride/arrogance/hubris? But as I say, you'd be telling a completely different story then, and I didn't want you to think I was telling you how to tell your story. Indeed, it would have been (and would be) completely unfair of me to do so.
In the end, I gave this story five stars. Other than Iron, I thought you fleshed out all the major characters beautifully, and your worldbuilding was strong. I personally can't imagine that Equestria borders a pony nation that condones slavery, or that bloody, non-pie-throwing wars could ever take place in the world we see in the show. But when I read this story, at least for the length of time it took me to read each chapter, I DID believe it. To be so convincing, even in the face of reader skepticism, is a real accomplishment. Indeed, I can't think of any higher praise I could give this story than to say that I don't buy into much of the history and worldview, but I was able to suspend my disbelief without effort.
Thank you for writing this story. I know that I enjoyed reading it, and that it gave me plenty to think about.
@Chris
ReplyDeleteWell, thank you for taking the time to put so much thought into your judgement. It makes me feel awesome that I've made something worth giving so much thought to.
The interesting things about the issues is that even I had some troubles reconciling with them. At times I was so far removed from the source material that it felt like I wasn't really writing fanfiction anymore, and I was never quite sure how I felt about that.
Iron is another interesting issue in and of himself. He always felt so flat to me, like he was only evil for the sake of being evil. I tried desperately to give him real characterization in the ifnal chapters, but there was just never time for it to come through - the reader never got a chance to see that he hated all unicorns because he was jealous of their magic, or that he became a soldier to prove that he could be just as good at something as them, for example. There was just never room for it to come through. I think if I could rewrite it, I'd make the scope much tighter. Develop Iron much more, and make it feel much more personal. But, well... it wasn't personal.
His insanity was also an issue. Most of his leaps of development came between showing, so he didn't seem to develop at all, as if he had simply always been that way. He didn't begin insane, though he was always unstable. He was driven insane by living under constant fear and pressure, and from being forced to take orders from someone he despised on principle.
At any rate, Blueblood's situation was still ultimately his fault. He might have been carted off, but if he hadn't been selfish and arrogant he would have made it home by the end of chapter three. And while his situation was still ultimately given to him by the hands of fate, his behavior still needed to be changed, if not redeemed. It wasn't so much fixing the actions that lead up to his enslavement, so much as fixing the issue that caused it to begin with. He had always been selfish and stupid, and that was what he needed atonement for. Not for any specific action, but simply for the way he had thought and felt for his entire life. IT drew a parallel to Brook; he had felt the need for redemption not really because of a single pony he'd killed, but for a lifetime of thoughtlessly killing ponies.
But, well, it doesn't really count if I have to explain it. It's been an interesting experience, and I can certainly look back on it and see things that I've done wrong. Again, thank you so much for putting so much thought into it, and I'm glad that you seemed to enjoy it.
I can't help but wonder, what happened to the slave filly that gave Blueblood the lecture? Agh! I want to know!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to see both that this is doing well and also that it's complete! Looking forward to catching up from where I left off.
ReplyDeleteAnd there he goes into the drink! Precisely what he deserves, excellent. :)
Gadzooks, a friendly face! ...Oh shit. D: Oh damn. That was terrific. This is really an exemplar of what grimdark supporters tend to say to support their position: that the point of all the pain and nastiness is to bring out the best in the characters. But in saying that, I'm also suggesting that characters don't need to through tons and tons of horrible stuff to acheive that goal (Blueblood just takes a lot of beating). Of course, removing his horn is pretty grisly, but even then, there's no gore, and it was basically a major shock to his system. It's something that needed to happen to turn around such an insufferable ingrate. I can't wait to see where this goes next.
Moon signal, very nice touch.
I want to read the story of the naughty, destructive fillies now. Is it Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon?
Uh-oh... Slavers, I'll bet.
You know, I generally babble a lot more in reaction to stories, but this is just thoroughly engrossing.
I hate bringing this up, since the story's completed and all, but I'm noticing a lot of small errors in chapter 4. Semicolons mistakenly in place of apostrophes, missing capitalization, homonym issues, and even misspellings. I hadn't noticed any errors at all up to this point.
"Then, he gave up." Great way to end a chapter!
Are there pirates in Ponzance? :3 I hope?
I love generally genial and cheerful Bit is. Not your average sort of slaver.
Wow, his transformative thought processes in the cell, waiting to be auctioned... Just wow.
I am not liking the suggestion of what this 'specialist' might do. c.c
Ys!
I like that "DON'T you touch me again!" What's going on in that crowd? Was that Iron?
Ahh, I was hoping he'd end up forging another name for himself!
And Oak is beginning to hold his own. Interesting.
Man, this guy's home... I'm really surprised. And I feel like Blueblood may not have it so bad here, but I also know it ain't gonna last.
"Some old, outdated religion"? >implications, implications everywhere
...And then Blueblood was Big Macintosh.
The allegory in chapter 7 is a little heavy-handed, at least with Blueblood's continual panting insistence on replacing things. Damned if it still doesn't continue to hold that emotional punch, though.
I just now realize that I am halfway through this story, or I will be once I finish chapter 8. Excellent, as it will keep the story from being rushed; not so good because I only have so long to keep reading. D:
ReplyDeleteWet Mane has wet mane? I think there's an Inception joke here. The plethora of secondary characters keep this story interesting; it would be very different if it was centered just on Blueblood, or even Blueblood and Iron.
Wait, are these the two who were in the city, who found Blueblood being tended to by the doctor?
Oh my. :O What just happened?
Wow, I never would have guessed I'd see them again. :) Well done.
KRAKENS HAVE LAVA FOR BLOOD :D I love this kid.
This scene is just made out of d'aww. I never expected to see something like that in this. Things are beginning to come full circle. That chapter was incredible.
"Acmippo"? That's a mouthful.
Yeah. If there had been any doubt, Iron Towers has completely flipped his nut.
Seagrass, you are a saint.
Wow, damn.
And she was just a little too slow. D: It's nice how, as soon as the contents of the box are described, we know it can't possibly be him.
Ahh, I wondered who it was! This magical sight is described beautifully.
This game is intriguing. A set of rules would be something special. :D
This pegasus mare is REALLY interesting.
I cannot help but think that this trip alone into the city is not going to go well for Blueblood.
Wha... YEEEEESSSSSSS :D SHOO-BEE-FREAKIN-DOO!
OH SHIT! D: You know, I read these chapters two or three at a time while doing daily exercise on a treadmill. That's what determines my reading pace. I sure do pick the worst spots to leave off on. D:
...Winter Star? :O I feel like Blueblood's failings as a noble were not simply because he was raised in a sheltered environment with an overprotective mother, but that she, too, is not very good at making decisions.
Well, Blueblood, ya done fucked up but good this time! :V
The old codger figured it out. :D OH MY GOD :D This story is absolutely incredible. I should have seen that coming a little sooner, but... Agh, I'm absolutely floored by this. Through redeeming each other, they redeem themselves. THAT is how you write a theme!
I don't think I can wait; I'm going to finish reading this today.
I can't believe Wet would have gone into service. There's no better way to ensure Iron will find him! Well, I suppose he was already a soldier, so he didn't have much choice, then?
...I know who that pegasus is now. o_o SHOULDA SEEN IT EARLIER! Does this mean the war is a ruse? It would be just like Celestia... almost. I mean, if it is, there had to be a better way. She's taking an awfully big risk with this.
Wet Mane is a very interesting character, if only in that I had long discounted him as a recurring name and nothing more.
So the arcane sight isn't just something Celestia's capable of? Very well laid.
Oh god I hope White Brook gets out of this alive. D:
Yay, Wet Mane!
I think he just went Saiyan. <.<
...I wish there was an appropriate ASCII emoticon to depict one's jaw hanging dead open, because that's what I'm doing right now. THAT is Prince Tidus? All this time I'd been thinking he was Princess Golden Dreams's brother. "Nopony rules the ocean", huh? Hot damn! I need to work on my reading comprehension or something. Also, I totally had this idea myself (the sea pony ruler having a horn). Great minds think alike?
Rotten blasted character limitations. I wanted to do this in two posts, not three. :| Picking back up with my running commentary...
ReplyDeleteWar averted! But what of the fallen Iron Towers? ONE MORE CHAPTER! :D
Okay, first, I have to say, the throne room scene was a tad anticlimactic. It amounts to the same thing happening about three or four times (Blueblood says he's Blueblood, the king says he's not), and then Prince Tidus out of nowhere, which means deus ex machina. :/ I think I'd have rather seen the king's stubbornness begin to break down, and then Tidus show up to say, "Yeah, listen to your instincts, it's him," rather than basically bully him into acceptance.
But hey, 14 chapters and one complaint, I'd say this is pretty successful. :) To be honest, I'd rather know about the Prince's relationship with Aloa, and the world in general. What's his role, exactly?
D'aww! I can see the sequel now: "The Prince and the Seapony"! Or would it be better as "The Seapony and the Prince"? Hmm...
Wet REALLY NEEDS TO WORK ON HIS AIM. That spell is total crap. D:
White Brook's war speech gave me fucking chills, man. CHILLS.
Thank god he's not dead. ;_;
Happy Hearth's Warming, war is over. :D
Hooray for Pony Joe's!
Ahh, so she arranged everything! I had thought there was something just a little odd about the auction...
HAH! I didn't say anything, but around chapter 14 I found myself wondering what would happen to Blueblood after everything was over. It was never a question of happy endings, just what would be lost along the way (as it should be). I anticipated his shiftlessness in the palace, and I so knew he would end up as ambassador.
So, single bump aside, that was fantastic, easily in my top five fanfics ever, and every bit as good as The Somewhere Cycle. I will hold this up as a model of excellent writing for a long time to come. You have my thanks.
@Present Perfect
ReplyDeleteAnd you, mine. This story is by no means small, so giving it a full play-by-play is no mean feat. I really appreciate it - it's always nice to know that someone has enjoyed something I've written, but seeing the actual reactions like this is amazingly visceral.
Thank you so much for reading it, and I'm really glad that you enjoyed it as much as you clearly have.
Kegisak, that was an incredible read. I just wanted to say thanks for putting the time that you did into this. You did a great job building Blueblood's character, and making a cast to help get him there. This is my new favorite fic, and the day I spent reading it can attest to that.
ReplyDeleteThanks again!
Best.
ReplyDeleteRedemption.
Story.
Ever.
You've done a fantastic job this entire story. It was not a perfect read, and there were a few problems throughout, but I do not regret reading this one bit. I was thoroughly entertained the entire time, and I got emotional during several moments.
ReplyDeleteIn Depth Thoughts: (Spoilers below)
Iron was a good villain, but he could have been a GREAT one with a few tweaks. I thought it was extremely interesting that you had your main protagonist be an Earth Pony, it was a lot more interesting than just another unicorn or alicorn. I wish you had dedicated a good portion of a chapter detailing Iron's backstory, because he had a lot of potential I feel was wasted. The inferiority complex Earth Ponies could have not only made him relatable, but even sympathetic at times. I felt that Blueblood's treatment of him was the thing that pushed him over the edge into insanity, and it would have been nice to see Blueblood express regret at that specifically.
White Brook was an amazing character, and his little war speech at the end was incredibly epic. That said, I honestly feel like he should have died at Iron's hands. By the end of the story, not only has Blueblood become a great person, but he has gained several new friends in the process. For such a dark story, I felt as though a bittersweet ending would have been more appropriate. The last sentence would have impacted me even more knowing he was gone forever, but his sacrifice was certainly not in vain.
Azure, Luna, and Wet Mane could have used a bit more development. Azure was incredibly likable from the start, and I wish you had found a few ways to flesh her out more. And while I like the idea of focusing in on one of Iron's henchmen, I felt like it could have been handled better. If he had played a bigger role in the final battle, or the throne scene in chapter 14, I would have felt much better about it.
I think that's about all I have to say. Like I said before, you did an incredible job with this story, and as a fellow author I learned a few things from your story, so I thank you for that. Even with my problems, I'd easily give this a 6 star on EqD, as it's one of the most epic adventures I've experienced in the pony fandom. I can't shake your hand in real life, but I CAN give you a virtual brownie, so there you go, man.
@Lilcross
ReplyDeleteAh, you posted here too! I'm glad, I never really feel right about responding on FanFiction.net
Anyways, thanks for the comment! I love when people go in depth like that, it's always really helpful. The interesting thing is, I agree with you on a lot, if not most, of your complaints. I'm glad Iron's issues did come across after all, but I still wish I'd given more development to him... Azure and Wet Mane as well. What it comes down to is the style I chose to work in; intro on a set of two, then the full chapter on Blueblood. If I were to write a sequel I would take more time to dedicate to the villain and minor characters, and I'd keep the cast much smaller than the... what, 12 or so character I had here?
The point about Brook dying is interesting as well, because you aren't the first to have suggested it(My reviewer even seemed disappointed he survived). In the end I left him alive in case I wanted to use him in the future... but looking back on it, I honestly think it might have been better he died in any case.
I've definitely learned a lot from writing this myself. So, thank you again for you comment! Thanks for reading and taking the time to give it so much thought, and I'm glad that you enjoyed it!
I know my comment will be so far down now that hardly anyone will see it, but for anyone who happens along it, I truly believe that this story is a must-read, not just because of it's quality, or because it's a "good story," but because you can *learn* from it. This story doesn't just make you "feel sorry for Blueblood." It lets you grow *with* him if you let it and pay attention to it! Any story that's well-written, I might commend and say is a good read and worth the time, but I leave what people read up to their preference. In this case, it's different. This story is an illustration of something important. Selfishness is at the heart of everything that's breaking apart not only this fandom, but the world in general, and this story gets at that heart. That is why this is a must-read.
ReplyDeleteVery well written story you got here. The psych is spot on, and really, this could be a good movie.
ReplyDeleteHmm, have more to say, but can't. This is a very good story.