[Sad]
Author: Staeg Masque
Description: Death has come for Fluttershy—and is giving her an offer she can’t refuse. Fluttershy will have to learn how to cope with what comes after life, and the real meaning of Kindness.All Links after the break !
The Cold Hand of Mercy Part 1
The Cold Hand of Mercy Part 2
The Cold Hand of Mercy Part 3
The Cold Hand of Mercy Part 4
The Cold Hand of Mercy Part 5
The Cold Hand of Mercy Part 6
The Cold Hand of Mercy Part 7
The Cold Hand of Mercy Part 8
The Cold Hand of Mercy Part 9
The Cold Hand of Mercy Part 10
The Cold Hand of Mercy Part 11 (New!)
Additional Tags: Death, Irony, Kindness, Growth, Mercy
197 comments:
Not sure if will read. Will wait ratings.
ReplyDeleteDamn... is it just me or are there a lot of dying fics being posted lately?
ReplyDeletePonify reads it "the cold hoof of mercy"
ReplyDeleteNot sure if want
ReplyDeleteWill read anyway
Effing sadfics, man... is it just the season for them?
ReplyDeleteWasn't going to comment on this but:
ReplyDeleteI don't like the idea of this I gave it a quick look to see what it was about. I can never read even slightly sad things so i'm not going to rate it.
Just want to say if you read things based on rating give this awhile or read reviews since its inevitably going to get lowered by people who just downvote things like this.
Kind of obvious but I felt I should say it, with that said theres a chance people will be reasonable though.
"Death has come for Fluttershy-" STOP RIGHT THERE, I'M OUTTA HERE!!!
ReplyDeleteComplete? Really? I kind of feel as if it's all setup, with no payoff.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHrrrm, decent I guess, though Dash seemed a little out of character there.
ReplyDeleteBut Fluttershy, becoming....? I'm confused yet still eager to read the next part.
EDIT: Wait wait, this is "complete" ? What a letdown! All that build up for nothing? ಠ_à²
Definitely of two minds about this. On the one hand it's well written and ends at a logical point. On the other hand it just sort of... ends. Not sure if I like it or not.
ReplyDeleteHm. I haven't really read many fanfics - but as I have a thing for melancholy, I really like this one.
ReplyDeleteIt's soberly written, and captures the sense of insecurity and ambiguity about the future and the feelings of impending loss very well. Kudos!
Its... meh.
ReplyDeleteNot really that sad, not My Little Dashie sad anyways.
Also, it sets up a story that just ends like that.
This should be labeled Incomplete, not complete.
ReplyDeleteI think this story should be carried on, at least a epilogue where she has to collect her friends souls so that we can see their reaction to her reappearance. Great job with the story though, I loved all of their reactions and it seemed true to form.
ReplyDeleteI am reminded immediately of Piers Anthony's Incarnations of Immorality series. And Fluttershy as that role...fantastic choice. Hoping this isn't really complete. I feel horribly let down if so.
ReplyDeleteWarning: overuse of the Sad tag is causing a massive digital depletion of magenta colored font. Save the pretty colors! Just say no to sad!
ReplyDeleteHere we go again...
ReplyDelete-looks at picture of happy Fluttershy-
ReplyDelete-looks at description-
Why!?!
-reads story-
Oh. That's why.
@Quilton
ReplyDeleteIt most definitely isn't, seth is just a sleepy pony.
I'm going to regret reading this.
ReplyDelete*reads both parts*
I was right. ;_;
First part was great, but the second a bit of a let down.
ReplyDeleteMy biggest gripe is how their friends all reacted. With the exception of Dash I feel they all accept it out of hoof to quickly and too easily.
I know if someone I knew came up to me and said he was leaving forever and couldn't tell me why and where I'd react a bit more strongly than "Well, that sucks. Take care of yourself, buddy."
I wanna see m
ReplyDeleteAw man Fluttershy...damn it! I want, yet don't at same time...
ReplyDeleteDeath... Fluttershy... Nope, not gonna happen, later.
ReplyDeleteI wanna see more. Damn you iPod.
ReplyDeletethis needs an actual ending (if it's completed)
ReplyDeleteNote from the author:
ReplyDeleteThe story is actually not complete--that was mismarked. There will be more to come as I write it and continue submissions. In addition, thanks for all the feedback thus far.
Read a few words, couldn't take it, had to stop. Fluttershy as she is now is just going to have stay forever for me.
ReplyDeleteWell, I really like it. I like it tons. Well written, and I was nearly QQing at points. I guess I'm just weak.
ReplyDeleteFlutterdie? Not sure if read.
ReplyDeleteStop killing the ponies, damn it!
ReplyDeleteI might actually have to keep an eye on this one. I'm a bit of a masochist when it comes to sad stories.
ReplyDeleteIt's... nice.
ReplyDeleteOkay, it's better than that. It's relatively well written but what we've got so far is just an intro. Here's to the meat of the story...
That ending with Angel...
ReplyDelete...I would be lying if I said I didn't cry.
This is really well-written story. I wouldn't say it's the saddest story I've read, but still I find the story to be deep and emotional, the plot (at least to me) is quite original, and the irony of the entire situation is well executed.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad this is not complete - I look forward to reading more!
Good, kill the bloody rabbit, can't stand the thing. I probably just smiled through the saddest scene in the book :/
ReplyDeleteAnd I couldn't help but laugh at the idea of fluttershy as death, and couldn't really take the whole thing seriously after that, sorry :p
Would be good if after a while she persuaded herself she was still being kind, and she lets somepony live and then somehow is punished for it. Just and idea
Oh, and a great (and as the fellow above me points out original) idea for a story as well, can't say the thought ever crossed my mind
ReplyDeleteI'll admit I'm pretty attached to this growing story, but more detail would be nice. Looking forward to upcoming chapters.
ReplyDeleteSo it's like Dead Like Me?
ReplyDelete@Mr_Chaos I agree my friend. This story is exquisit for those who love to learn about the darker emotions. There is nothing objectionable about this at all as long as you understand what it's all about. Kudos, Bravo, and good job all around.
ReplyDelete@HieronymusP Did you catch the sense of doubt in everypony's reaction? They didn't want to cause here any more pain than she was already going through, and they could clearly see it was upsetting her. Rainbow Dash was upset like everypony else, but she couldn't accept the fact that Fluttershy would betray her loyalty to her best friend in that way. RD never did take bad news well, and this is a perfect example of being hurt in the moment. Of course RD would cry later when the frustration wore off, but for now she's just hurt. We all deal with pain and disappointment in our own way. Bravo my friend, this is perfectly done from an emotional standpoint.....but watch the continuity, it could use more setup work.
ReplyDeleteLastly, a request to the author. How does Fluttershy do as Death? Inquiring ponies must know.
ReplyDeleteI implore that you do a part 3. You left everyone hanging, we all want to know how Fluttershy does as death. Maybe you could skip ahead 20 years later so we can see how being death has effected Fluttershy. Even better, you could skip ahead to the points in time when the other 5 ponies die and get to see Fluttershy again, like what pinky hinted at.
ReplyDeleteHmm. How depressing. Not sad, really, though I admit the scene with Dash sort of left me with a hole in my chest. Definitely depressing.
ReplyDeleteBelieve me, I have more plans for the story than just what's laid out here--part three is currently in the works, not to worry. Everypony will get to see how Fluttershy does as Death. I'm planning for this to land somewhere between 5 and 8 parts, though if the story needs to end earlier or later than that, I'll end it where it must end.
ReplyDeleteThanks very much to everypony who comments--those comments always help me improve. I read each one and take them to heart, so don't be afraid to speak up if you have something to say! Currently, I'm trying to focus on this, but I've got a few more projects plus one story to finish once this tale is concluded.
As always,
Staeg
Me: I...might take a look
ReplyDelete*takes look*
Me: I might read this I gue-
*sad, fluttershy, death tags*
WHAT?! FORGET THIS! I'M OUTTA HERE!
(Story is tagged "Incomplete" now)
ReplyDeleteI agree that Twilight, Pinkie and Rarity were too accepting of things, though I can see Applejack being supportive and brave to Fluttershy's face.
I expected one or two of them to be a little more pushy in finding out where she was going. Or perhaps worry more about her unknown "reasons" for leaving (e.g. "OMG is someone threatening you?").
I like the concept, but it could do with being more emotional.
I can't believe anyone would just arbitrarily down vote a story, that's petty and small. I think it's interesting and can't wait to see more.
ReplyDeleteSo now Death is "kind". Heh
ReplyDeleteAnd Pinkie was right, they will all see Fluttershy again, when they die and she takes their souls.
Wow. This was pretty good. Heartwrenching, but still good. Written well and all. As masochistic as it sounds, I actually look forward to what happens next.
ReplyDeleteI don't quite see how exactly Fluttershy is "leaving" to become death, when she is actually allowed to keep her physical body and such. I guess she just simply isn't allowed to see anypony who knows her, or she is changed beyond recognition... It doesn't seem she is going to be forced to stay out of Ponyville. But I guess she would be traveling a lot... Anyway, I'm rambling. Looking forward to more.
Agree w/ above posters, this could get interesting if Shy ends up ushering her friends to the great beyond, so that they finally understand. And that everypony was a little quick to accept her departure. One thing that bugged me - she can't ever see her friends again, but she's still available as an element bearer if it's ever needed. So if it is, then what? They'd see her, and want an explanation.
ReplyDeleteYup, agreeing with everyone above me, not sure how this is gonna pan out but color me excited for part 3. I'm a bit of a sucker for sadfics anyways so I'll keeping an eye out for this one.
ReplyDeleteFor now, 4 stars from me, solid work :)
Good story, eager to read more :-)
ReplyDeleteI...i, oh god I think I am going to need a minute here
ReplyDelete*goes to cry in a corner*
It seemed like a good story up till the end then it just fell through...wth? My story gets denied due to a couple of small errors and this piece of crap gets on here? wow...someone needs to get their reviewing skills strait...>.>
ReplyDeleteactually come to think of it..ti wasn't that good of a story at all...:/
ReplyDeleteA very intriguing concept and the writing is fine, but I honestly wasn't able to buy into the various characters reactions, they just didn't fit the characters past behavior. Twilight and the others wouldn't just let what happened happen, they would do whatever they could to figure out what was going and do whatever they could to help Fluttershy, including battling Death itself to save her from this fate. I think there are ways this COULD have gone that would have been believable, but I just don't see it playing out this way. My two bits.
ReplyDelete@Krystal Yeah, insulting the reviewers will certainly get you a spot on Equestria Daily. Not. To be honest, I don't see why you worry so much. This story may not yet be technically accurate *Twilight reference here* but it's got a rarely seen soul to it that wrenches at your heart and screams to be heard. No down-voting epic stories k?
ReplyDeleteAlright, made several edits to the second chapter, and a minor one at the end of the first. After seeing the reviews and comments, I kinda just figured these were things that needed elaboration--namely the state of Fluttershy's existence with her physical form intact and her coming back as an Element. They might not be the most convincing or perfect explanations, but you all do deserve to know as much as Fluttershy does.
ReplyDeleteI also went through each pony's scene in chapter two and changed a few things here and there, particularly in regards to their somewhat-languid acceptance of Fluttershy's leaving. Again, I doubt it's perfect for everypony, but there's at least what I feel to be some resistance from each pony, Applejack excluded.
Thanks so much for the comments, everypony. To be honest, there were a few things I didn't notice until I saw them pop up in comments, and I greatly appreciate them being brought to light. Although not all the feedback has been pleasant, I feel I can learn from it all the same. So hugs all around for you guys, and there's more to come.
>Death has come for Fluttershy
ReplyDelete-Oooookk... Forget that. Next Story.
Hmm... still not too sure about the character interactions. But that might just be from reading the previous version so recently - makes it feel 'bitty'. Best let someone else judge that.
ReplyDeleteI did like the extra Blanche part though, I know I'd feel sorry for whoever goes up against the Mane 6 now. And it leaves hints for what might happen later in the story.
@Nova25 I'm surprised at you, Nova. You didn't strike me as a 'judge a story based on the first half-sentence' type of person.
@StaegMasque Apologies for this but, if I may make a suggestion. Watch the series over and over again, and get a real feel for their emotional states as they are in that story. This will give you a better understanding of their reactions when something truly horrific comes about. More research into emotions and feelings and reactions is always a helpful thing. You have a wonderful gift here, but you seem to be doubtful of what the other ponies would really do. Getting the perspective of others, even allowing them to make revisions to your work that you could not normally do successfully would be a wonderful boon to the quality of your story.
ReplyDeleteNot anypony no matter how skilled can tell a story from so many perspectives on their own. This I promise. There's just too much to juggle. That's why other people must be involved to fill in the spaces you are not familliar with. Just my two....four bits. ^.^
ReplyDelete@FamusJamus
ReplyDeleteHe's not judging the story's worth or quality.
He's deciding he doesn't want to read it based on the subject matter's likely emotional impact.
We all have the right to choose what we do or do not wish to partake of.
@Flasht Heh, truth be told, my editor who normally goes over all this with me has been grievously overworked in recent times, so I haven't been able to get any outside perspective, let alone concerted insight. I very much appreciate the suggestions, naturally--they help me improve my work.
ReplyDeleteI should be making some progress on chapter three today, if not hopefully finishing it and doing the editing--just an update.
@DPV111 (I'm not looking to go off on another tangent in the comments of a story page, so I'll just explain myself and be on my way.)
ReplyDeleteOne of my personal peeves is when someone points out a single phrase in a story's summary and goes out of their way to tell the author that they aren't going to read it based on that. It just seems like a giant middle finger to me, especially if the phrase in question might not have given an accurate depiction of the story as a whole.
However, it wasn't surprising that people are judging whether or not this is suitable reading material for themselves based on the above. It happens all the time.
I was just surprised that Nova of all users did that for this fic, particularly when considering some of the other stories I've spotted him giveing detailed feedback for ("Fluttershy goes to Hell" being a somewhat similar example). I'd have expected him to scan a few paragraphs or something before deciding not to read.
Of course, I understand not wanting to read fics with main-6 deaths (or any other questionable content). That's not what my problem is.
Rant over. Gosh, I sound like a stalker.
@StaegMasque Can't wait. And sorry for spouting off in your comments.
Usually I detest fanfic, as it usually doesn't sound anything like the characters, but I have never cried so hard about a story in my life. My tummy huts now. :'(
ReplyDeleteI learned two things from reading this story.
ReplyDeleteFor one, it's hard to read when your eyes keep tearing up.
And second, playing the radio while I read sadfics was the best idea I ever had. "Skyscraper" came on during the last half of chapter two. Tears streamed.
Incredible work. I will be watching carefully, anxiously, for chapter three.
I might add that having Fluttershy take on the mantle of Death... that's genius. Normally, sadfics don't make much sense when put in perspective (this is My Little Pony, after all), but this one does. It fits.
@FamusJamus
ReplyDeleteI agree with your mentality on this topic in general. (You can see it in my frequent defense and lament over "Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie are Dead".)
And you may notice Nova doled out the head bootings in that fic's comments.
However I would quibble that "Death had come for Fluttershy" is not merely a single phrase in a story's summary but rather a disclaimer as to the content, similar to the title of the aforementioned fic.
Couldn't get past the point where Death basically tells Fluttershy that he's an a$$hole. "Yeah you don't wanna be death? Too bad because, since I already chose you before even asking, you're either going to be Death or die."
ReplyDeleteWhat an ass. Makes me wish the story instead had Fluttershy consult the higher powers and ask them to revoke this underhanded crap.
"Death has come for Fluttersh-" Time to go kill death...
ReplyDeleteThis story really does tare at my heart. You are doing a great job of keeping Fluttershy in character, and it makes me feel very sad and sorry for her because she was forced until such a horrible position. Excellent job.
ReplyDeleteReally is a good story, I recommend giving it a shot. Gotta feel terrible for the poor filly, couldn't come up with a worse ultimatum for somepony like Fluttershy if I tried. 5/5
ReplyDeleteI just realized this is a "Dead Like me" Cross-over Right?
ReplyDeleteIf so I'm not realy sure how to take this
Dead like me gave me the same feeling but atleast I had Rube
:killitwithfire: sad, depressing, but well written, good style, etc.
ReplyDeleteMore! Seriously, I am growing attached to this story. I love the premise and I can only see it getting better from here on out, please do not disappoint me.
ReplyDeleteHopefully Discord will show up and offer Fluttershy a way out. After all, imagine the chaos that would result if nopony ever died ever again.
ReplyDeleteI adore this story, please please please continue!
ReplyDeleteWill go ahead and stick this here for anypony who is interested in following, and I'll probably repost this comment when the next chapter comes out, but I went ahead and got a Tumblr so as a encapsulate all of my writing news, etc. If anypony wants to give it a look, I have been updating it daily with a variety of information, and I'm planning on adding musings and other not-so-entertaining stuff to it. Plus it's a lot less blocky than Twitter.
ReplyDeleteIn any case, here's the link. http://staegeymasque.tumblr.com/ Go ahead and click that Follow button to get all the latest updates on stuff! Or hell, go ahead and click it because you want to get to know me better as a person. Maybe you'll click it because I told you to!?
Okay, this has got to be one of my favorite stories so far. Too bad ponies just read FLUTTERSHY, and DEATH tags and give up on it. Maybe changing the summary a little? Also, is there any shipping between Blanche and Fluttershy? I'm probably overlooking the "evidence" too much. On a final note, does Blanche get his body back now that he isn't a reaper now? Sorry for the questions.
ReplyDeleteI loveeee this story. Don't judge it because of the tags, you'll be missing a wonderful story.
ReplyDeleteThis story rules! 5 stars. Definetly give it a chance.
ReplyDeleteOMG, it was awesome! Totally did not expect it to be soo good. People should read this!
ReplyDeleteI WANNA PART 5 NAO! Lol but seriously amazing story, the waits between chapters are killing me!
ReplyDeleteI am truly liking this story. Can't wait for more updates!
ReplyDeletecan't wait for the next chapter !
ReplyDeleteAlso, elaborate on the whole, "you still have your body" thing there. Can ponies still see her ? Is she invisible to everypony that is not on the list (because Old Bones there felt her presence when she came into his house).
ReplyDeletei need to cut down on these sad-fics. they're not good for my emotions.
ReplyDeleteHol-eee-crap.
ReplyDeleteThis has just LITERALLY shot up to the top of my read list.
Onto the next chapters.
That is, I just finished chapter 1 and I'm very pleased with what I read. Looking forward to this drama/sad fic.
ReplyDeleteAnd all read up now, I can definitely say I'm very pleased with this fic. As long as the ironic (Read: bittersweet/painful but gentle/heartbreaking but heartwarming) tone stays strong and the plot advances with appropriate developments and time skips and eventually reaches an end, I'm looking forward to seeing this unfold.
ReplyDeleteHm, I actually liked this. I do hope more is written.
ReplyDeleteWould it make me cold hearted that I'm not crying or getting sad while reading this. And the fact that I like Blanche's character and sense of humor, because I think that making the element of kindness Death.
ReplyDeleteOn a side note, would ponies still be able to see Fluttershy? Let's say that somepony is dying, and her family is around her. When she dies, and Fluttershy takes her soul, the family would see her, right? Unless the pony who acts as Death is invisible to all except the dead one.
Part 5 can't actually be viewed by anyone...
ReplyDeleteCan't view part 5, as it's locked. :(
ReplyDeleteChapter 5 private.
ReplyDeleteIs there any way to view part 5?
ReplyDeletePart 5 is displaying as locked by user, Just warning you, we all want to read it :U
ReplyDeleteNeed permission on part 5
ReplyDeleteWhy is it locked?! I need to know what happens!
ReplyDeleteraging with the others about part 5. Sorry if this annoys somebody, but it has to be done.
ReplyDeletePart 5 cannot be viewed.
ReplyDeleteCant view part 5 D:
ReplyDeleteAw, I was looking forward to reading this when I saw the update. And now I see that permission is needed to view?!
ReplyDeleteMaybe I should just ask for permission....
WHAT WHY U NO LET ME READ PART 5?
ReplyDeleteWaaaaait a minute, cold 'hand' of mercy? Shouldn't it be cold hoof?
ReplyDeleteWell, that was stupid of me. Sorry everypony--I had the update locked after I uploaded it, as I was doing a few more "spit and polish" edits right before I went to work. I guess I got up to eat dinner and forgot to unlock it once the finished product was ready. Then I come home to find 247 requests to share, some repeated, several in different languages, in my email. Whoops. On a side note, seeing that many requests in my inbox, even if was extremely derp of me to forget to unlock it (and unprofessional as a writer to boot), that was very, very humbling.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, it's unlocked now, again, I'm really, really sorry about the issues everyone had with it, and I apologize to the site admins as well, for the wasted time with a part that couldn't be viewed. Again, it's public on the web now, shouldn't be a problem to view it.
I hope everyone enjoys it, despite the problems.
-Staeg
No worries Staeg. Sure we were delayed a few hours to read the new chapter but it is all good.
ReplyDeleteIf anything, it is good to know that you care enough about your story that you giving it a "spit and polish" edit before release.
As for the chapter itself, I am glad to be able to have the chance to read it before I go to sleep. And I was not disappointed. I enjoyed it and unfortunately for me, it left me wanting more. Looking forward to more updates in the future Staeg!
Hope you have a Happy Holidays.
Buck, I'm to curious >_<
ReplyDeleteSPOLIERALERT**
ReplyDeleteMeh After reading Chapter 2 I'm a little curious to what this will lead too since there are 3 more chapters..... but I still can't get the thought out of my head that she could just instruct everyone to come to her house after her "departing"-time and let them read a note she could have written, explaining it all... it seems to reasonable not to be thought of :P
This story is making me despressed.
ReplyDeleteI shall continue on! FOR FLUTTERSHY!
That's better. And HOLY CRAP. WHY IS ALL THIS STUFF IN THAT LIBRARY. I'm starting to believe that L-Space theory...
ReplyDeletegood chapter, just make sure that the story focuses on fluttershy and not the rest of the mane6... unless that's what you wanna do with it of course
ReplyDeleteWow this is starting to get interesting.(part 1)
ReplyDeleteDeath or become it
I was sceptical at first but after taking my time into it, and reading everything ( especially including that last fifth chapter) - I'm really eager to read on! Please continue on this! I'm very interested to were this will lead O_O
ReplyDelete@Nostalgia Schmaltz It's incomplete don't worry ^^
ReplyDeleteI await the next update with extreme impatience.
ReplyDeleteQuite enjoyed the most recent chapter, left me wanting a little more but still, did a good job adding in more to the overall 'plot' of the story.
ReplyDeleteWE ARE AWAITING AN UPDATE HERE!! >8(
ReplyDeletePlease? ^^ I don't think I'm the only one wanting to read on on this.... right? *question going out to everyone*
@RaenBoow
ReplyDeleteYou're not alone man, you're not alone. :(
Yes!!!!111 finally, an update! For a while I was thinking you gave up on the story.
ReplyDeleteYeee... Little Mint did it right. That's how you die with style, folks.
ReplyDelete@Multiversity
ReplyDeleteYup. Classy way to go out. Blanch could learn a thing or two from that little filly. Man he's a jerk.
Dam! heartbreaking chapter right there
ReplyDeleteJust read part 6, was the first one to make me tear up a bit. Can't wait to read more.
ReplyDeleteForget my past comments about this resembling Dead like me... it just just got real
ReplyDeleteOk, here's my review/constructive criticism.
ReplyDeleteFluttershy is my favorite character, so I thought this might be a bad read since it looked like a death fic. It's definately not just a pointless "This character dies, be sad, then call me a good author because I made you cry" kind of story. Where this story really shines is where it elaborates on this myth of "The Ever" and a hidden truth that has been in Equestria all along. It's got some interesting concepts and ideas that make it cool to explore. One thing I like seeing is Fluttershy's new abilities she has as Death. They broaden the original content in the story and make it seem like what she's going through has some redeemable qualities.
Blanch's dialog with Fluttershy is also very well done in my opinion, and you're left wondering if Fluttershy will ever become like him, due to the fact that he claims he was similar to her when he first started out.
One thing I think should change is the death scenes. So far, EVERYONE has been willing to give up their life pretty easily. Don't you think it's time for someone to go down with a fight? Also, will we see any background/sidecharacters/mane6 appear on the list? Don't answer that. I'm sure you've probably thought about it already. I look forward to seeing what will happen next.
I think basically my review is that this story didn't make me feel like crap after I read it(like many things with the [sad] tag tend to), it only left me thinking. For that, I give it 5 stars.
I cried when rainbow dash was yelling at fluttershy.
ReplyDeleteChapter 6 man... That was amazing... J-just amazing, bravo.
ReplyDeleteI can't wait to read more! They have to rescue Fluttershy! >_<
ReplyDelete@Luke "One thing I think should change is the death scenes. So far, EVERYONE has been willing to give up their life pretty easily. Don't you think it's time for someone to go down with a fight?"
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure Blanch said something about easing Fluttershy into the role of Death. She's just gotten used to killing old ponies and now has to cope with taking foals too. And teleporting, which came with a higher expected "kill frequency".
I expect the unwilling souls will be coming very soon though.
MOAR! :D
ReplyDeleteYAY! It is alive! ^^ (the story I mean :3) Was afraid you've given up on this. :o
ReplyDeleteI really think you have captured Fluttershy's spirit nicely (....was there a pun there? I don't really know)! I'm very eager to see her next challenge. I've started to really care for her as the maincharacter (even more than before this story). And even thou I don't fully belive that Team TwiPieRariDashJack will be able to save her I'm still waiting with anticipation for the results of their efforts.
Definatly MOAAAAR!! ^^
I'd like to thank everyone for all of the constructive criticism and wonderful comments on the story. I know I haven't been quite as vocal with this one as I should be, or at least as I have been with my other two entries, but I wanted you all to know how much I appreciate you tuning in.
ReplyDeleteI've had rough spots, here and there, but things seem to be coming together. Chapter 7 is in progress (about three pages in) and looking rather good, if exposition-heavy. Balancing my writing with my schoolwork and, well...work-work is tough, but I hope my updates stay a little more consistent than waiting a month, like last time.
Again, thanks for all the support.
Thank YOU for continuing to write! I periodically google search just to make sure I haven't missed a chapter :)
ReplyDeleteI'm hoping several things won't happen through the course of this story.
ReplyDeleteThat Grannie Smith won't die.
That Grannie Smith won't be Fluttershy's first "acquaintance kill".
That the rest of the mane six won't be there while Fluttershy and Grannie Smith have their last conversation (Grannie Smith being completely able to recognize Fluttershy and seemingly have a one-sided conversation with her using her name in front of the other mane six).
If the rest does follow, then I hope that Fluttershy doesn't have a cataclysmic emotional breakdown following her reaping Grannie Smith's soul, and the rest of the mane six's subsequent realization that Fluttershy has been wandering around reaping ponies.
You know.... I'm hoping NONE OF THIS HAPPENS.
So make sure that none of this happens, in the very specific order that I've laid it out in.
It would make me sad.
Really.
With how often Fluttershy is around the rest of the Mane 6, I wonder if she'll accidentally cause a poltergeist sort of event at some point, seeing as she's invisible, inaudible, but tangible?
ReplyDeleteOr is that rule more strict than so far described -- that actually there is no way -at all-, accidental or intentional, for normal, non-dying ponies to observe evidence of her presence?
Inquiring minds want a gnome.
I'm still recommending you on putting this on fimfiction.net, for it will be much easier to track for us, the readers, and you, the author, will be able to get much more detailed feedback. It wont even be much work for you, you can just copy&paste the chapters. Think about it, the site is great.
ReplyDeleteAs for the story so far, I personally hope Twilight and Co. will fail to "resurrect" Fluttershy, it just seems wrong for me if they win a fight against Death and the Afterlife or whatever creature is behind this all. Would be funny if the eight-legged horse Sleipnir from the nordic mythology is the mind behing this "Ever".
Not sure if want...
ReplyDelete@WollMilchWombat
ReplyDeleteFunny, I'm hoping things go in the opposite direction. This whole situation is horrifying—not just Fluttershy being bullied into becoming Death, but that people have been pressed into this role over and over and over again, and that Fluttershy will, at some point, be expected to choose her own successor. This is the sort of thing that causes protagonists in the Megaten games to decide that ending the world would be better than maintaining the status quo.
Obviously I don't expect things to come to that, but this fic is getting grim to a point I'm not sure I want to continue reading. I'm still following because I'm hoping the author doesn't want to simply torture Fluttershy and the rest of the main cast until they break.
It's becoming an increasingly slender hope.
To continue on my previous comment: when I shared my reservations on this story with someone I know online, he asked a simple yet eloquent question.
ReplyDeleteWhere's the pony part?
Equestria is not a land of hopelessness and despair. I have no objection to a story being dark, to Fluttershy and her friends having to struggle to earn their happy ending. But if this fic is going to end with Fluttershy 'outliving' all her friends, choosing a successor to die and become Death, and entering the Ever like an obedient sheep, I'm going to be pissed off.
No. No, that's not allowed. After all that buildup, you're not allowed to make Fluttershy cry and get over it. I love this story, it's fresh and unique, and so help me if you just... just... gimme a second.
ReplyDelete*whew* Okay. Good chapter. I look forward to seeing Twilight's sudden flash of inspiration that will ultimately lead to another dead end but spark yet another brilliant plan that will tell the Ever to suck it. Because that's what will happen.
Wow, I'm awfully ranty, aren't I? No worries. Usually I can't be bothered to comment at all, so getting this strong a reaction is a good thing. Trust me. Seriously, keep it up.
@Troy~Cow_Is_DeaD Subtle.
ReplyDeleteThanks again for all the comments, everyone, and let me tell you, it's been quite interesting seeing the divided reactions to everything that's been developing thus far. We're in the last quarter or so of the story now, if my projections have anything to say about it, and the ending is already written, mentally.
ReplyDeleteSeeing the reactions to, well, everything, as a matter of fact, has been both inspiring and astounding for me. To see everyone thinking about everything in such different, original ways makes me feel like I've accomplished something, nevermind the improvements you guys help me make.
Naturally, and unfortunately, I don't think I could write an ending that satisfied everyone without copping out, but I do hope that everyone at least enjoys the rest of the ride, and I, of course, thank every one of you for your viewership--every time I read a comment from you all it makes me react.
That's all for now.
@StaegMasque
ReplyDeleteI was afraid for the longest time this would end up incomplete forever, Thank you for writing such an original breath of fresh air, I cannot wait to see how this ends!
That was a very moving chapter. It's not everyday we see Celestia being this cold. And I really hope her friends don't give up. They're more determined than that. They have to get answers. I know Twilight can.
ReplyDeleteThanks for writing, and I'm eagerly awaiting more!
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ReplyDelete“Kiwi showed up outside my window one night, when I was trying to sleep, and told me very little. He told me that I was going to be the next Death, provided I consented, and all the responsibilities thereof.”
ReplyDeleteDidn't he force Fluttershy to do this, without her consent?
I read all of this just now, despite usually avoiding sad/dark fics. I remembered reading the first chapter a long time ago; evidence that I'm consistent in my inconsitencies! I guess it must have been because I saw something right in the summary.
ReplyDeleteI think I caught the story at a bad time, since regarding the saving-Fluttershy plotline, things are sort of at a standstill, and even the Blanche line seems to have come to a conclusion of sorts. What I'm trying to say that, when the story is viewed as a whole later, there might be a sort of disjoint between this chapter and the next. That's mostly a pacing issue though, I'm linking the story otherwise.
4 years? But that means...the other elements failed. And Fluttershy is stuck for now...probably for good. Blanche's story is touching, and Fluttershy might just adjust one day, but for now, it's definitely sad. Still love this story!
ReplyDeleteHere's my reaction after reading chapter 8:
ReplyDeleteAfter Blanch's speech to Fluttershy about being a better death, my reaction if I were her would have been, "Fuck you, asshole! You dragged me away from my friends and my life. You could have waited until near the end of my life to give me this task and I would have taken it gladly. After all, you've been doing this for centuries, what's a few more decades? I will never forgive you for doing this to me. I wish I had chosen death instead. I'm dead inside now, anyway. Then my friends might have had some sort of closure instead of wondering where I am."
Or something like that. This just leaves a bad taste in my mouth as to how the afterlife works and how Deaths are chosen.
By the way, don't get me wrong. I don't dislike the whole story. For example, I did like the part about Little Mint. And I wouldn't have read this far if it wasn't interesting. I have the feeling it may get resolved to my satisfaction, otherwise it's going to turn into a pretty boring story.
ReplyDeleteThis had better not turn into a downer ending where she meets her friends in the Ever or something. The fact that they (Mane 5/6) were the underdog when saving Fluttershy was one of the things this story going for it, that seed of hope that Fluttershy will get saved byy her friends, or they'll at least be able to say there goodbyes (BEFORE they die). I hope this ends with the others at least getting closure about Fluttershy and they meet up with her before they each die.
ReplyDelete*WARNING SPOILERS*
ReplyDeleteWhen Pinkie and Apple Jack saw Fluttershy as death, why didn't they tell their other friends that Fluttershy was death before they were taken to the ever?
Anyways, very great story. Sad, but great.
That was depressing. I'm thinking of considering part 9 the final chapter even if it's not.
ReplyDeleteThere are two chapters yet to go, and I should be able to get the second-to-last one written before the end of this week. I'll likely be uploading it alongside the final chapter, if it turns out short, but we'll see, on that account. Thanks for the comments, everypony, and I'm even saying that preemptively.
ReplyDeleteStaeg, for what it's worth, here's my critique of the story so far. Keep in mind I'm no writer, I just know what I like to read.
ReplyDeleteThe overall concept is a little morbid and depressing. If your aim was to write a story on the harsh realities of life, I'd say mission accomplished. Some people may like that, others prefer to read stories that are not quite so hopeless.
As I said above, the way death is handled in-universe rubs me the wrong way since her friends don't get to know what happened to Fluttershy until just before they die. Another thing that rubbed me the wrong way was the remaining 5 ponies' confrontation with Princess Celestia. The way she acted toward them was very out-of-character. Canon Celestia has never demanded respect from her subjects like that. I understand this is an unusual situation, but I still don't see her as acting that way even then.
Another strange thing is that the Elements of Harmony were never needed again in the entire lifetime of all the ponies. Are we supposed to believe that no eldritch abominations ever threatened Equestria again? Or maybe they found another pony to fill in for the Element of Kindness? It doesn't say either way.
That's not to say the story hasn't had its good points. Again, the part about Little Mint was nice, even if a little sad. What mainly kept me reading was the hope that Twilight might figure out a way to get Fluttershy back before her friends died. Now that that hope is gone, there's not much point in reading the rest of the story, although I may still. I haven't decided yet.
And so vanishes the last hope of Fluttershy somehow getting out of the whole deal of being death.
ReplyDeleteI guess it was kind of stupid to expect an ending like that anyway.
Might as well finish it out now, I want to see where you're going with this now that you've cemented it on this path.
Dashie first. Always Dashie first ;_;
ReplyDelete[SPOILERS]
ReplyDelete@3p1c_d3m0n
Oh, but Pinkie Pie did tell the others. Twilight's a smart pony, I doubt that she'll miss the giant "Welcome Back Fluttershy" sign in Sugarcube Corner.
When I first saw where this chapter was going, I believe my exact mental quote was "Oh no, you do *not* do that." It actually turned out quite nicely. I would have emphasized the passage of time a bit more (Rainbow's dead young. Oh, now it's several years later and AJ's dying of old age), but I do see why you wouldn't want to spend too much time on nothing. Seeing the funerals, at least (though Twilight finally giving up (or not) would also have been nice) might have paced it a bit more nicely. Even so, this is one of my favorite stories. For some reason it doesn't grab my emotions quite as well as some others, but the narrative itself makes up for that. I'll be sad to see it end, but you do seem to be wrapping it up nicely.
ReplyDeleteAh so the inevitable begins
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to say that this fic has left me with a very bitter melancholy taste which few fics can create. I very much enjoyed what you have done with the fic.
ReplyDeleteBut still "incomplete"? Are we going to have another chapter?
The title is true. Death is the last act of Mercy and Kindness any living thing shall recive.
ReplyDeleteI was hoping for happy ending, then I reached chapter 9 and Dashie, then they just kept going as did manly tears. I blame fitting music for that :P
ReplyDeleteI guess I can still hope for sorta happy ending with all of them reuniting in The Ever. :)
Sad, leaves a hole in your chest, but deeply satisfying. I'm over my rage at her fate, and I approve.
ReplyDeleteOh, and prediction: next chapter fast-forwards, oh, let's say 200-500 years, and her last job before retirement is Spike.
Such a fun fic to read (and by "fun" I mean "soul-crushingly depressing") but if you wanted Blanche to be a likable character by ANY stretch of the word let me say that you have failed HARD. I don't think you did, but just in case you were trying to I wanted you to know. :P
ReplyDeleteAwesome fic still. It does bug the heck out of me that you go out of your way to mention that the head honchos in The Ever set up a clause that Fluttershy could show up again to the Mane Six if she were needed again. You did literally NOTHING with that. I guess that could have just been you covering all your bases but man that was some potential foreshadowing that went NOWHERE.
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ReplyDeleteThank you for the comments, questions and concerns, everypony--as always, I'm grateful for them, and whatever emotions I may inspire, negative or positive, I'm glad I can inspire them at all. Anyway, I think I'll address a few points here.
ReplyDeleteYes, there is another chapter. In fact, I wrote it before I wrote chapter 10. It's been submitted today and will be dropping soon I'm sure.
Celestia's reaction, I'll grant, was a bit forced. I needed a way out of that particular plot and, to be perfectly honest, I was burnt-out when writing that chapter, and I got a little lazy.
Now, as for everyone who asked why Fluttershy didn't leave her friends an indication or why AJ and Pinkie didn't tell everypony else. AJ and Pinkie were just happy to see Fluttershy, the way I see it, and thinking to tell anypony else probably wouldn't have occurred to them. AJ was infirm anyway and couldn't leave the house. In Fluttershy's case, in my eyes, she was too afraid of the consequences to do something like that. If she had, who knows what would've happened?
Now, about the lost plotline of Fluttershy's allowance as an Element. In truth, I was going to plan something out with that, but it fell through as the story grew more somber and serious. So in the end it became me covering all the bases and just letting the audience know that the Elements could reunite should it be necessary. I didn't feel that writing an awesome action scene where Fluttershy tears asunder some cosmic evil would fit in with the general theme. I'm saving up most of the hot-blood, wicked awesome stuffr for when I continue Strange Bedfellows (which will be very soon, once I get all the reviews back on this one.)
And finally, Blanche. In truth, I'm sort of surprised about the way everypony reacted to him. I never really meant for him to be likable or reviled by the audience--I just wrote him as a guide, a sort of neutral party to get Fluttershy used to things, albeit not exactly nicely. He was kind of just supposed to 'be there'. Regardless, I'm quite pleased that he could inspire such hatred--like I said before, getting any emotion out of the audience is something I count as a success.
I hope that clears everything up from my point of view. I don't defend any choices I make, I just figure that, with all the questions from the audience, it'd be nice to answer them, as I usually do, and provide some insight into my perspective. Thank you all for reading and, with the final chapter dropping today, I'll be making another, final post on this story once the comments for that chapter have dried up.
Goodbye for now.
Great story, was the first one I started reading as a brony. And here I am, author of my own fic, having read millions of words from other stories and your fic has finally ended. Amazing story indeed
ReplyDeleteUpdate PART complete? Does that mean that the fanfiction is completed, or that only this part of the fic is completed?
ReplyDeleteWould love to see this pop up on fimfiction.
ReplyDeleteGoogle docs is horrifically unstable on my computer.
I have not read one single letter of this story...
Google Docs is the reason I haven't given it a shot, but I'd like to.
Aww, why does this story have to have sad FLUTTERSHY?
ReplyDeleteEven her being the slightest bit sad just makes me want to run up and hug her from across the dimensions, so I have no idea what kind of effect this story will have on me.
@3p1c_d3m0n This story is done, complete in every sense of the word.
ReplyDeleteWell, I decided to go ahead and read the last two chapters. I figured I might as well, since it was so close to the end anyway. Here are my impressions:
ReplyDeleteIt's not a bad story. If you meant to invoke strong emotions, the first 8 chapters did it well for me. The way it ended just seemed to simply put a period at the end of it. I did like how Fluttershy basically called Blanche out for forcing her to become death in the prime of her life. As I said before, my personal reaction would have been a lot stronger. But then again, Fluttershy did keep the job for a lot longer than she needed to, so she couldn't have been too upset about it.
My preferred ending to this would have been more along the lines of a "who shot JR" type of ending but I suppose that would be kind of a cop-out and rather cliché. Another thing that might have been nice in the ending would have been to show her meeting her friends again but that might be superfluous.
All in all, not too bad and it sounds like you accomplished what you set out to do in the beginning. Sad fics aren't really my thing and I probably won't read any more of them, but you seem to be good at writing them and I wish you luck in your future endeavors.
Well, this was interesting. First things first: Good spelling and grammar throughout. I liked the flow and the choice of words. My inner pedant is happy.
ReplyDeleteAs for the story: I'm biased against "afterlife" stories because of how unfair most ideas of the afterlife seem to me, without the authors' realizing it. I want to thank the author of this piece for actually facing this issue head-on; with Fluttershy actually outright stating that the Ever didn't seem to be a nice place. And in the end, it was presented as something that, while (allegedly) good, is decidedly *not* perfect. I'm glad.
That said, like all afterlife stories it left me with too many questions. Most importantly, what would be the consequences of someone - especially Fluttershy or Celestia - openly defying the will of the Ever? Does the Ever have power to interfere with the mortal world, or punish ponies during their lifetime; or is there be a "pony hell" waiting for them after death?
And why does the identity of death have to be a secret? Why couldn't Fluttershy be allowed to let everyone know of what happened to her? I doubt such knowledge would make any significant difference to most ponies, and would only make her friends' lives easier.
I figured with my dislike of the subject matter I would easily avoid crying, but I admit to a few stray tears when I read "WELCOME HOME FLUTTERSHY".
In the end, I can't say I *enjoyed* the story, but it made me think and feel, and I'm glad I read it.
Good job, Staeg Masque.
Meh. I was really hoping for this to end with a big reveal that Twilight had been casting spells on herself since Pinkie's death that, upon having her (Twilight) soul taken from her body, would set off a chain reaction of magic, forcibly freeing Fluttershy from her duties as Death and PISSING OFF the Ever.
ReplyDeleteDeath would either end up becoming a chaotic thing, souls having to find their own way to the Ever or the Ever would end up having to make itself a corporeal form so it would have to do it's own dirty work.
I REALLY would have liked to see the second idea.
Buck the Ever.
@StaegMasque
ReplyDeleteQuick correction:
"ancestor"... uh, no. What you mean is the opposite, "descendent". If Tomes was Twilight's ancestor, he'd have to be like, her grandfather, great-grandfather, or etc.
Lovely story.
@StaegMasque
ReplyDeleteOkay. Ty for clarifying.
*cries*
@euphgeek
ReplyDeleteAbout the "who shot JR" ending...I started to wonder if I was remembering correctly, so a quick Google search later, I found that I was wrong. So just to clarify, I meant to say that I was hoping for an ending where Fluttershy would wake up and realize it had all been a dream (and possibly that through the dream Blanche had been auditioning her for the role of death, or something like that).
I just finished reading the last chapter and I award you, StaegMasque,with one free internet. Very well done.
ReplyDelete@FamusJamus
ReplyDelete...This, here, is also supposing something about me.
For 1) I have over 400 Stories in my backlog... I kinda have to skip 1or2 occasionally.
For 2) At the time I wrote this quick sentence, I wasn't exactly feeling... happy... and so, I preferred to read something that wouldn't be ''the death of me''... Figuratively speaking, of course...
For 3) It was 4 words. None of which were ''I will never read this story ever''.
Plz make a chapter twelve, or an Epilouge. To me it seems as if you left us on a cliff hangar. Overall it's very well done, the plot, Characters, and the feels it gives. If you do do happen to make a Ch.12, You should Sum everything up, Because it seems that Ch.11 indicates the "Ending" Vibe. A good ending is always accepted.
ReplyDeleteTo finish the story off (like the last line) It would be best to use a very deep,sad,happy,or end the story with the title.But you don't have to, Just giving my Opinion.
Stupid story. Last few chapters had me crying for the past half hour.
ReplyDeleteJust a quick follow-up comment:
ReplyDeleteOne thing I did not like was Celestia's attitude. She should have been a lot more patient and understanding. After something like that I was expecting Twilight to quit as her student.
Again, I'm wondering what the consequences would have been to Celestia for revealing all she knew?
Alright, I've gone back and made what I feel are some key edits to Chapter 7, especially considering how weak it seems to be in comparison to the rest of the story. Feel free to go back and reread it if you feel so inclined. I just didn't feel like I could reasonably leave it as it was.
ReplyDelete@StaegMasque
ReplyDeleteHuh. Celestia's behaviour is much improved; I liked that.
But Blanche's explanation, while it sort-of answers my biggest question, left me feeling that much worse about the Ever.
I don't know if an afterlife story can ever really be satisfying to me; I have an inherent aversion to "supernatural law".
I agree, that sounded a lot more like canon Celestia. In the previous version she sounded more like a tyrant. And Blanche's explanation helped, too.
ReplyDeleteThis story was WONDERFUL. kind, dear, GENTLE sir, i tip my hat to you.
ReplyDeleteRight, first let me say that this was the first MLP fanfiction that actually moved me. I wasn't expecting to get a strong emotional reaction, but I did. Which is strange, considering how Fluttershy is my least favorite pony of the main cast.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I must congratulate you on the objective virtues of the story. Fluttershy herself was very well-written, and behaved pretty much how one would expect her to. However, I think there could have been a bigger focus on her. There was too much Blanche chiming in. Fluttershy should have been able to figure herself out more.
The Mane 6's initial reactions to her departure were a little bit forced, but I understand that that was necessary to move the plot along, and that the aforementioned reactions were meant more in the style that Twilight encourages Spike to go on his journey in "Dragon Quest" only to follow him afterwards. No real complaints there.
I wish I could say more good things about the story in general, and trust me, I liked it, but the other elements that made me enjoy it are much too subjective for me to elaborate on. Let me tell you what rubbed me the wrong way, however:
First off, and by skimming through the comments I have seen this pop up now and again, I find afterlife stories mostly revolting. None of that is your fault, of course! This is totally subjective, and if I can't give this fanfiction top marks because of this, it's due to my own stubbornness. But bear with me here for a few more points.
Second, and most glaring: Blanche and Celestia. As far as OCs(which I also can't stand. AGAIN - my fault, not yours) go, Blanche was surprisingly tolerable by himself, but his constant interruptions just took so much out of the story. I feel that his presence, after ascending to the Ever, could be removed entirely. Celestia, too, was basically not there at all. I feel that the story could have been much better if Blanche's role of an advisor after ascending was taken by none other than Celestia herself. She came off as passive and hopeless in the story, and I feel that there could have been a lot of great character development between her and Fluttershy. Blanche was just... I must compare him to Obi-Wan Kenobi in the original Star Wars Trilogy, where he continuously kept showing up when he should have passed on, and all about the Ever seems a lot like talk about the Force and how it is mysterious and all-powerful and feeeear meeeee. That could have gone on an entirely different direction.
The scenes where Fluttershy went to claim her friends were very well done, I must commend you on that. A tear might have been shed when Pinkie unveiled the "WELCOME HOME FLUTTERSHY" banner.
The whole argument that not once after Fluttershy took the mantle of Death did Equestria find itself in need of the Elements of Harmony also seems unlikely, and waste of a great opportunity to have her appear before her friends, if only for a moment. Instead it seems that she was pretty much forgotten (except for Pinkie) by the rest of the Mane 6.
The ending was okay, but there could have been at least an epilogue where Fluttershy met with her friends in the Ever. As it stands, it lacked a bit of closure.
I'm sorry if my post sounds like a bunch of whining, by all means, I don't dislike the story! I only write long posts for things that I like, plus I pretty much registered only to comment on it. I just feel that there was some wasted potential that could have been put to good use. In any case, sir, I thank you for this story. Your work deserves to be watched closely, and be sure that I will do so.
Alright, I'd say this story's comments have probably run dry, so it's time for me to officially wrap this one up. Feel free to comment, but this is the last you'll hear from me on the this story.
ReplyDeleteNow, I'd like to start off by saying that the update schedule for this story ended up being much less punctual than I'd expected, and I apologize for that. Life interfered in more ways than one, and I had to concentrate my attentions elsewhere. I started this serial back in September or August of last year, I think, and to only be finishing it now does disappoint me. But there's not much I can do aside from trying to update more in the future, and I promise I'll try and be more punctual.
Secondly, I'd like to thank everyone who commented, both those who left me praises and those who shared their questions, concerns, and criticisms with me. You are all a part of helping me improve as a writer, and I hope you'll continue to read my works in the future. I'd also like to thank my editor, Modiste, otherwise known as my sister, for all her hard work editing this story for me. She deserves some credit for the greatest parts of this story--the most questionable parts came when she wasn't around. I'd also like to thank Adolfo Mendes, 3p1c_d3m0n, Multiversity, euphgeek, metapsionic, RaenBoow, Sortie and JoeyH for giving me some of my best feedback, sticking with the story the whole way through, encouraging me to continue (especially in Joey's case) and helping me realize that, even when I was discouraged, I couldn't quit on this story. You guys are awesome.
Third, I'd like to talk a little about the story. Can I say I liked all of it? No. There are some parts and some things I wish I'd never written, even though it would've left some things up in the air--namely, chapters 7 and 8. Looking back on them, I don't feel they were necessary in the slightest, and only served to give Blanche screen-time he didn't really need, furthering the divide between him and the audience. But I wanted to give the audience an explanation as to what was going on. I feel I failed in that regard, but that's neither here nor there.
Lastly, where I'll be going next. I have a personal project I'd like to write entitled Soup, which is about the CMC, but I want to get a few more chapters of Strange Bedfellows written before I jump into something like that. It wouldn't be long if I wrote it, but I feel I need to get Bedfellows rolling again before I can start that. I've also been commissioned on another site, so I'll be writing that in my spare time, and of course there are scholarships to apply for and my friends to hang out with. I'll keep my update schedule as tight as I can, but I can't truly promise anything. So in short, I'll be writing more of Strange Bedfellows in the coming future, alongside Soup, and that alongside my commission work.
And hopefully that covers everything and wraps up this story once and for all. I loved writing it, and I hope you loved reading it, even if you haven't commented, and I look forward to seeing all of your wonderful comments on my works in the future.
Wow, this is just... brilliant. I started reading this knowing I was in for a lot of waterworks, and I was right. Your chapters are written in a way that I could feel the emotions coursing through each character as the story continued. Each death had an impact on me and I cried happily when it finally ends. The only thing I wished to read was an epilogue of some sorts with Fluttershy meeting her friends once more.
ReplyDeleteStill, I tip my hat off to you. Thank you for writing such a heartwarming story.
And somehow I missed the post saying this story completed, so I'm sorry for my delayed response.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, from the get go, this was a very excellent story. Although it was trying and heartbreaking at more than one point, there were some very deep, moving moments, and the ending to the story was very wonderful. Only thing more would've been to show the reunion between Fluttershy and her friends once she entered the Ever, but that part is very well off in the imagination as well.
You're a good writer. Keep at it! I can't wait to see more stories from you :)
Man, this is really wondrous. I had a full spectrum of emotions reading this. I just swallowed the whole story in 4 hour reading time, and I'm impressed. It's not only saddening story, but also it has given me light feelings, and for that my respect to you! P.S. I think it was an excellent decision to choose Fluttershy, as nopony else would fit in here as well as she does.
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ReplyDeletethere are so many negative comments on this, and i just don't understand why. I just finished the story and loved it. the part with rainbow dash near the middle even made me shed manly tears!
ReplyDelete