[Normal]
Author: CoffeeGrunt
Description: A place for a pony to be what they want. To become, what they want. When Twilight and her friends stumble upon the most vilified organisation in the eyes of Celestia's court, how they will react? How far should a pony go for happiness?The Clinic
Additional Tags: The Clinic welcomes all patrons
46 kommentaari:
Seems like a grimdark..
VastaKustuta...Normal? This is one of the least normal-sounding fics I've ever heard.
VastaKustutaFinally on Equestria Daily :D
VastaKustutathis sounds interesting. *reads*
VastaKustutaChrist, talk about a vague premise :S
VastaKustutaIs that colt wearing a tie? Do I see a tie? I think it's a tie. Probably a tie. Do you see?
VastaKustutaMaybe it's just a suit.
Story-wise. This is ridiculous. I completely approve of this.
@naahdude
VastaKustutaVague and slightly misleading. As is the tag. I agree with ToonNinja; I really wouldn't consider this normal.
That said, it is intriguing.
Nope no to controversial for my taste at least i think its talking about sex change
VastaKustutaThe Clinic welcomes all patrons?
VastaKustutaSeems like Grimdark-Sad, not normal.
VastaKustuta@Yuiopo
VastaKustutaDon't judge a sweety bell by it's cover
Lolwut? This looks interesting. I'm going to have to add this to my rapidly growing list of fics to read.
VastaKustutaOh boy. It's always a good thing to show lots of details, but the goal should be to make the scene more clear to the reader, not confuse them further.
VastaKustutaLots of these details seem insignificant and not only weaken the strength of the tone, but make the story seem to 'drag' a bit.
There seems to be lots of elements inserted into the story that I don't really understand the purpose of, but I'm sure it'll be explained in later segments.
This is actually a really good story and it touch's on a very controversial subject. But handle's it in a good way.
VastaKustutaI wouldn't say it's Grimdark or sad, as Caramel is actually happy with the change at the end.
But well worth a look anyway.
Just finished it. Liked it.
VastaKustutaThis looks to hold quite a bit of promise, i hope to see more! Nice work
VastaKustutaFinished it as well. The story is definitely worth reading and expanded upon has 5-6 star potential. The problem is the writing, there are sections of the story that are hard to grasp or follow completely. It did keep my attention and I'm eager to read the next chapter.
VastaKustutaSo 4/5 for something new and interesting?
Also on the Tags part. Imho this hasn't fallen into the Grimdark category.
I wanna see where this story goes. This is going on my watch list
VastaKustutaIt's coffee grunt, I'll read it
VastaKustutaLooks good, but i don't think i can handle another prejudiced Celestia's police event. 'Specially not while it hits quite so close to home.
VastaKustutaUNRELATED
VastaKustutasomepony look at AJ's legs on the banner
Appleloosa born, but also 19 years old? But Appleloosa was founded a year before episode 21. That means that either Caramel is a lot older than in the show, or that the writer (or the people from the clinic) did not think things through.
VastaKustutathis is totally worth reading. cant wait to see where it goes.
VastaKustutaI got about as far as where the author seemed to get their info about gender reassignment surgery from South Park, and stopped. Too ignorant.
VastaKustutaJust gunna pop in and point out the fact that Lambent would obviously overplay the fallacies of current gender change ops, in order to promote his service. Salesmanship.
VastaKustutaUhhhhhhh. The title and description make me think a lot of incredibly disturbing things.
VastaKustutaPlastic surgery in Equestria? Madness I say!
VastaKustutaI really liked this story when I first read it a while ago, and I stand by that opinion.
VastaKustutaGlad to see it up here, even if it is likely to get some mixed reaction.
I can't decide if I like this or not.
VastaKustutaIt's very intriguing, and while I disagree with a few elements of the premise, I can set aside my opinion to appreciate the context of the story.
Written quite well I think. I've never read a CoffeeGrunt fic before, so I've not got a basis to make assumptions from.
Does seem to me that so far the two primary conundrums of the story - being who you are or being who you want to be, and that of what I can only vaguely phrase as the assumption of theocracy for the 'correct' way to live versus indepent choice and will seem are going to play out very interestingly. Each has quite a number of perspectives and complicated viewpoints within them.
The cannons of my head canon are clashing with those of this story. Even so, very interesting read so far.
Would have to suggest one thing which is to change the tagline. If you take normal to mean episode-esque, than this is far, far away from that. Not referring to just the obvious example either, but the implications of contritedness and conflict as well. I'd say Grim-light.
Curious to see where this goes. Will be a thoughtful story I hope. I will follow it.
At first I thought this was going to be some type of "Rainbow Factory" story.
VastaKustutaDamn, was I wrong.
The premise is (Well, I find) similar to the Conversion Bureau stories, but still distinct enough (Really, really, really distinct) to be interesting. I was not expecting this at all, and was surprised immensely.
This is a touchy subject, but you handled it well, Coffee, and managed to stay neutral about it.
Would I be correct in assuming that the plot will eventually be some type of "Adventure CSI race" as the two detectives try to find the doctor, with chapters of Apple Toffee sprinkled in (Or other changed ponies, for that matter).
I liked it. Quite unique. The narrative was a bit confusing at parts, though. 4.5/5, although I can see myself raising it to a five in the future.
Problem is that we don't have a "thought experiment" tag we can use for stuff like this, where it's ponies as a lead into an issue, like TNG. What would be call it, Exploratory? So far, this should be a sci-fi, seems closer to that than slapping Grimdark on everything.
VastaKustutaBut yeah, it's mechanically solid. Kinda a weird moral conundrum with the Manes in Black vs the scientist corrupting nature and stuff. Some shady stuff on both ends, but if the clinic is common black market knowledge, why doesn't somepony go undercover and report back to the princesses? And are we assuming that Lambert has been body hopping since at least the mare got in the moon?
Bravo. ^-^ A magical solution to transgender, and the logical equivalent of someone feeling they're the wrong race.
VastaKustutaWell handled, well done. The only part of this that doesn't really feel right is that Celestia would have a problem with them doing this.
As to the note at the end, I wonder how anyone could read this and assume you hate sex changes or transsexuals. Sure, there were characters who took exception, but Caramel and Dr. Lambent were portrayed in a positive light.
@Unknown
VastaKustutaI'm of the opinion that Celestia is being left out of the loop, and a lot of ponies are working "in Celestia's best interests" to shut the clinic down before it leaks into the general public because of the gigantic implications that go along with commercial bodyswapping. Not to mention Luna was involved at some point, so that adds a new angle to it for the Pony PR to spin.
Would Celestia have an opinion on this one? Dunno, depends on where she falls on the "assert yourself and attract friends" against "adjust yourself and seek out friends" line. And even if she was informed and had her own opinion on it, she's not doing herself any favors by publicly acknowledging the clinic, and that goes doubly so for making a judgement call.
One thing that bugs me is how in the world they make money by setting up people with new bank accounts, and letting the money go back to the family or state. Do they drain their assets of the old identity, and how the heck does that not look suspicious, unless their have been a rash of dying ponies leaving their estate to Sleazy Joe's Charity Front. Just bugs me on the econ logic, but good moral breakdown.
Great and interesting fic. I'm looking forward to more chapters!
VastaKustutaWould have been significantly more interesting, and made the Princess' reactions more believable, if they were switching pony races instead of genders. Fluttershy gets to be an earth pony and Pinkie gets to be a Pegasus.
VastaKustuta@moocow1452
VastaKustutaGood point. That would pretty much require Illuminati-level control.
Then again, Lambent is apparently over a thousand years old. He's had time.
I realized in the last hour that something was nagging me about this story...I'm really sorry, I'm not usually so fussy, but for some reason this is getting to me as a plot hole:
VastaKustuta- the only way to create a false identity for what is essentially a new pony is to have a history "somewhere else", ie, Not Here.
This leads into that Toffee Apple is an Apple, which means that the family is either in on this (except they're not, I'm fairly certain) or there's another, unrelated Apple family out there (seems unlikely.)
And she can't be Appleoosan born as
Appleoosa is a settler town that was only recently built... certainly hasn't existed nineteen years... and at that there's Apples in Appleoosa, so they (or at least Braeburn) would know well enough (maybe) that she's not a relative.
I know, I'm being really anal here, and I'm not usually so. Probably just staying up too late and previous lacking sleep getting on me, and that I get more critical with better stories
Everything thing I said previously still stands, and despite this here I don't want to send the impression that anything has detracted from the premise of the story at all for me. Just a a minor oversight, one that at any other time I'd not even have noticed, let alone called out.
Sorry, since it's never nice to get a comment like this. Needed to speculate though.
@Nightmare Luna
VastaKustuta*Read comment* ... *See ''happy with the change''* ... *Remember the name of the story ''the clinic''*.
...Wait ? Don't tell me... It's a 'sex-change' clinic, isn't it ?
I'm sure this is a first around here ?
The premise seems inspired by Deus Ex, particularly the newest game, where "augmentation" is a controversial subject, as people alter themselves to 'improve' their bodies. This is great for people who have lost limbs or a sense due to accident or by birth, but for those "exchanging perfectly healthy body parts for machines", well.. yeah you can see how that'd be an issue.
VastaKustutaThus, this seems interesting merely based on that comparison. *digs in to reads*
.. oh. This is more like Ghost in the Shell, except magic instead of technology. Transferring one's soul (ghost) into a new body (shell) and all.. interesting..
VastaKustutaAnyone else read Doctor Lambent's lines in Christopher Lee's voice?
VastaKustutaAlso, BOREALIS EES NOH LONGUH A SPESS MAHREEN?!
It's finally out? IT'S FINALLY OUT! I will read this soon <3
VastaKustuta@moocow1452"Sleazy Joe's Charity Front" Ha! THAT sounds classy!
VastaKustutaI just wanted to say that this is a great story on its own, but would be even better as a chapter in a longer story! Can't wait to read more. :)
Clearly this IS only the first chapter of something longer. The description refers to Twilight and friends, but they have yet to appear; therefore this is an introductory chapter, effectively a prologue.
VastaKustutaI find it dubious that Celestia herself would outright condemn the clinic's goals (at least in the present; perhaps old laws are involved). And these "Luminaries" seem to have been pulled out of thin air. But it would be unfair to judge on the basis of so little content. I'll definitely be waiting to read more.
I like this, I really do :). I look forward to future updates, admittedly if I had been writing this I would've probably written something about a Pony who investigates personal matters for Celestia, like L from Death Note but as I think about it I can see these two religious ponies investigating and having the foundations of their beliefs shaken and debating about right and wrong.
VastaKustutaThis story could really be something that engrosses me like Fallout: Equestria or Death Note in Equestria :).
@Unknown"The only part of this that doesn't really feel right is that Celestia would have a problem with them doing this."
VastaKustutaI expect this will go in the direction of Celestia representing convervative values and Lambert representing a challenge to them, with both of them committing horrible crimes. The condescending fanatical Luminaries are a clear sign that this is Mother-knows-best Celestia, not tolerant hippy earth-goddess Celestia.
The story has huge problems to face with the question of how this could go on for a thousand years without them being caught, even if they do it just once a year. Then you have to ask how Equestria handles cash transactions, banking, identity verification...
It isn't about sex; it's about personal liberty. The main problem will be how to distribute "good" and "evil" here. The easy solution would be to have the Clinic commit evil acts, to avoid making it too sympathetic or Mary Sue-ish. But that approach always, always makes fictions worse. Present an ethical challenge to the established norms, then water it down by associating it with bad decisions.