[Sad] [Normal]
Author: TheVulpineHero1
Description: Rainbow Dash has left Ponyville to follow her dream of starting a flying team. However, when Fluttershy has an accident and needs help, Rainbow Dash's loyalty to her friends and to her team is tested.
Speak
Additional Tags: Gradual, Dramatic, Contemplative, Emotional, Illness
15 comments:
first?
ReplyDeleteSecond! Oh yeah I feel special! :D
ReplyDelete3rd?
ReplyDeletedamit i now my self esteem has fallen off a cliff
ReplyDeleteNooo! Did Fluttershy get another papercut? D:
ReplyDeleteI'm going to hold off on voting till it's finished. From what you've got right now, though, it's looking really good.
ReplyDeleteI love Dash's first person narration. Her personality seeps into the writing through every word, and you've managed to capture the feeling of coming home only to find out it's not really home any more quite well.
Oh, and having the gang all broken up after the years is giving me a sad. I hope there's a big reunion moment.
Keep writing! I must have moar!
On a scale of one to ten, how sad is this? I have a thing about some of the morbidly sad fics that pop up now and again. If its not too bad, I'l gladly read, but I wanna stay happy for tommarow morning!
ReplyDelete@Risky
ReplyDeleteWell. *MINOR SPOILER* The characters aren't really together anymore, and one of them..has a bit of a problem. It's not that sad, really, but Twilight can seem rather lonely.
(not spoilers) It's a little sad, not too much, you can probably go ahead and read it.
I'm really enjoying this so far. Yes, it's a little sad, but it's not TOO sad. Friends move on, and that's life. But at least nopony's dead, right?
ReplyDeleteLike it's been said I think you do a really good job with the first person narration, which I'm always a little skeptical of for ponies fan fiction. But it really works here - and it works to draw me into the story more than I think I would otherwise be drawn. Eagerly awaiting the next chapter!
The person who wrote this; how much of the series have you watched? Just pointing out a few discrepancies:
ReplyDelete-Rarity hates Blueblood after the gala. In this, you still have her obsessed with him
-How can AJ use Rainbow Dash's house as storage? It's like 1000 feet in the air. And made of clouds
-Fluttershy doesn't live underground. At all
@Dubs Rewatcher
ReplyDeleteI was wondering what he was going on about with her house being in a hill. Left me kind of confused.
Just to echo everything Dubs said.
ReplyDeleteWell, RD's house is more like 100 feet than 1000, but yeah.
This comment is from TheVulpineHero1, just to let you know. My livejournal account is named slightly differently, so just a heads up.
ReplyDeleteIndividual replies to comments addressed to me:
@Quotidian Torture: I will, of course, keep writing, if only because the guy I'm writing it for knows me in real life and can extract a horrible vengeance if I stop. Glad you're enjoying it!
@Frosthawk: Thanks! I'm glad the first person narration worked out in the end. I originally wrote it in third person, but a lot of people found it somewhat strange to read. Thanks for your comments!
@Dubs Rewatcher, iAndster and Melodia: Well, to begin with, I'm very new indeed to the fandom; I only became part of it when I was writing this. Of course, you're right; there are a lot of discrepancies that I wasn't aware of when I first wrote it. I'll provide excuses below.
Fluttershy's house: I got my information on her house from a third party and didn't check it thoroughly enough before using it; I can only assume that because Fluttershy's house seems to have elements of earth (the brown, mud-looking outer walls) and grass in its composition, my source assumed it was a hill. To be fair, if it is mudlike in nature, it could be legitimately said that they're 'under ground'; however, you are right in that this is an issue I need to fix.
Rarity and Blueblood: I'm afraid I haven't gotten to that episode yet. I'm about halfway through The Show Stoppers, so I simply wasn't aware. Shall be changed, of course.
Rainbow Dash's house as storage: To be fair, they live in a world where there are pegasi to carry the apples and where we know unicorns can cast spells to make earth ponies stand on clouds. It's no great leap of logic to assume the spell also works on apples, and that Apple Acres is willing to pay for this service to get at least some use out of a considerable loss. I was, in fact, going to address this in the next chapter. However, it's no trouble to either change the circumstance or move the explanation forwards.
TL;DR? You all make fine points. I agree completely and will begin carrying out the required editing tonight. As a noobish ward of the fandom, I'm counting on the more attentive fans to help catch my little flubs. I hope it didn't impact too strongly on your enjoyment of the story.
To everyone: Thanks for commenting, and I'll try and update/edit as soon as possible.
It's a pretty decent start. Quite often the present tense slips in and out of the story. You may want to look into that.
ReplyDeletemoar?
ReplyDelete