[Shipping] [Normal] [Sci-Fi]
Author: ScoopDaily
Description: Everyone knows that Octavia is Equestria's premier music mare, but where and how did she get her start? Finally obtaining an interview with her, Scoop Daily will learn every juicy detail with the help of his magical gifts...Oh, Octavia! Part 1
Oh, Octavia! Part 2
Oh, Octavia! Part 3
Oh, Octavia! Part 4
Oh, Octavia! Part 5
Oh, Octavia! Part 6
Oh, Octavia! Part 7
Oh, Octavia! Part 8 (New!)
My Little Love Story (New!)
Additional Tags: history, storytelling, magic, happiness, life
98 kommentaari:
"magical gifts," uh oh...
VastaKustutaDelicioustavia
VastaKustutaThis gon' be goooood!
VastaKustutaSci-fi? Nothing in the description seems sci-fi at all, but i guess we will see!
VastaKustutaObviously his "magical gifts" are the power of friendship.
VastaKustuta"Mrs. Pie"
VastaKustutaI stopped reading there.
*cocks an eyebrow* hmmm.. *leans back in chair, sips coffee* This warrants my attention.
VastaKustutaLooks good. I have to say that I dislike the ending. Cliffhangers are soooooooo infuriating........
VastaKustuta@Homfrog
VastaKustuta(Rolls eyes) These are background ponies with no actual canon past or personality. Ditzy Doo hasn't actually been shown being a mailmare, Doctor Hooves doesn't have a Tardis, and Lyra and Bonbon aren't gay. If you're going to let a perfectly good story go to waste just because, what is essentially an OC, doesn't have the back story that you yourself made up then you need to seriously reflect on yourself and get your priorities straight.
Anyway, the story seems pretty good so far to me, I did kind of feel that the amount of time it took for Scoop to get to Octavia was a bit long but I admire the amount of detail you put into your descriptions in spite of that.
Look forward to the next chapter.
I'm interested in this. Please continue.
VastaKustutaThis isn't the writer just being a gary-stu trying to ship himself is it? Pfft.
VastaKustutaOctavia is Pinki's sis!!!!!!
VastaKustutaSO AWESOME
:D
Always liked the idea of Octavia being Pinkie's sister.
VastaKustutaLooking forward to some family secrets.
"Mrs. Pie" huh? Ok, then I *will* read it...
VastaKustuta...of course it's actually "Miss Pie" but whatever.
VastaKustutaVery interesting, but the whole insular-school-keeping-ponies-locked-up thing bugs me. Probably pretty minor in the grand scheme, but having gone to music school in college it's a very strange thing to see.
Anyway, though, I like the interesting 'power' the protagonist has, and it'll be very interesting to see how this goes, especially as it's obviously nothing like the couple other "Octavia growing up" stories there've been already.
>Description: Everyone knows that Octavia is Equestria's premier music mare
VastaKustuta-Huh ?... and what exactly is the cool DJ P0N-3 supposed to be then ?
Co-#1 with Octavia, I suppose.
@Melodia
VastaKustutaThe creepy school is just another facet of Molestia's reign of Terror, and this is just the beginning wait until you see where those guard pegasi are trained.
FOR LUNA!
Ooooh...I like so far. Twilight's memory spell has a surprisingly pragmatic application, I see... (at least, that's what I was reminded of reading this).
VastaKustutaPlus, the descriptions of the school are lovely, and I love your portrayal of Octavia so far. Looking forward to more!
So far it's been a horrible stroke-fest between Octavia and Scoop.
VastaKustutaI'm not sure how I feel about this one so far. The prologue was basically an overly detailed description of the Equestrian Ministry of Music along with a redundant explanation of Scoops job. This should have been released with at least the first chapter. Luckily for you, ScoopDaily, I've never simply stopped reading a fanfic. Once I've started reading one, I must finish it.
VastaKustuta@Homfrog
VastaKustuta*Boot to the Head*
Good for you.
>[Shipping] [Normal] [Sci-Fi]
VastaKustuta-Wait ? Sci-Fi with Octavia... how ? Are we gonna find out that she's from outer-space or has a high-tech 'cello' ?
Because, if there's no 'space', 'aliens', or 'high-technologies' then it's no real Sci-Fi.
>you will be given an audience with Miss Pie for exactly 2 hours.
-...Oh ? Mmh ? Interesting.
>Does music pick or choose who hears it?
-Well, no... but, it might be due, in good part, to the fact that 'music' isn't a thinking and living organism.
>Scoop was awestruck by Octavia’s intellect
-Weeeell... I'm not saying she isn't (she surely is, yes), but... in this case it seems more like pseudo-wisdom.
> “I had heard,” she began, “That your power required some kind of touch...
-Sooo... He has to literally ''grope'' people/ponies in order to better feel and write his articles ? ...Creepy.
> “That’s it,” he said. “Imagine a time machine...let’s go back as far as you can remember..."
-Huh ? Is he a reporter or a psychologist ? Right now, he seems more of the second than the first.
... Still, it's moderately interesting so far.
And, I already have a good idea about where this will be going.
I can also smell 2 dozen moronic haters ready to jump on the 'Pie' thing, and @Specter Von Baren has a good point (thought I wouldn't have said it 'exactly like that... as Background/Minor characters aren't OCs ; since they aren't 100% thought and created, but are more like a core/squeletton personality already present in the series, that is then filled/patched while trying to rely as much as possible on bits of stuff from/in the series).
Also, well, I'm starting to doubt of the Sci-Fi tag. I didn't see any of it, yet ? ...
@Kot
VastaKustutaYou're right, it isn't.
People think silly things sometimes ?
Looking forward to the next chapter :D
VastaKustutaThis is getting good :D. I'm really beginning to like this style of story lol. Seeing it first hoof with a sort of authors notes at the same time is cool. I still wonder why Octavia hasn't decided to tell those ponys keeping her under lock and key to go buck themselves and go find Scratch :).
VastaKustutaHhm... This Octavia seems a bit over-emotional.
VastaKustutaAnd once again I wonder how some stories can get so many comments but this one gets almost none (TWO before me on the new chapter?), while maybe not the best, and yes it's based around an OC...but it's at least something different, not trying to hit you over the head with darkness or sadness.
VastaKustutaYeesh.
Well I like it anyway. But I'm always a sucker for Octavia being Pinkie's sis.
ok
VastaKustutaPart 2:
VastaKustuta... It's rather odd that Octavia isn't even remotely slightly 'freaked out', as one would say, by the fact that she's now in her own head/mind, with another pony, in the middle of her own memories ? She's acting like it's all natural, and happening everyday ? ...
>As Octavia lapsed into near-unconsciousness due to Scoop’s relaxation methods
-Do all journalists learn to use 'relation techniques' ? Somehow I doubt that.
>Scoop felt more than heard the rushing of his own consciousness through a swirl of emotions and memories
>“Shoot!” Scoop exclaimed! “I forgot to explain the exit strategy.”
-The heck is that now ? ...did we suddenly fell into a bad Inception crossover or something ?
>at the speed Scoop was travelling, slamming into the memory could rip it to shreds, leaving nothing but a void of scattered sensations.
-This is getting ridiculous, seriously...
...but wait ? Please, don't tell me that 'THIS' is supposed to be the 'Sci-Fi' part justifying the tag ?
>“Of course not,” Scoop assured her. “This isn’t time travel; all we’re doing is reliving your memories.
-''Of course not, time travel is silly... Where were we again ? Ah yes, doing an interview through magical Inception-ing technique.'' ...yeah, Journalism was never the same after that day.
On a totally unrelated subject, Luna is suing *unknown name* for intruding in the realm of Dreams and Memories without the Royal Permission of the Princess of the Night.
> “Mommy’s fine, girls,” he said sternly. “Sit down and be quiet. If you make any noise, mommy will hurt worse.”
-Well, sheeesh ?
''If you make any noise, mommy will hurt worse'' ...He sounds like such a 'nice' dad ?
I say, the choice of words was a bit poor there (even if it's a grumpy rock farmer talking).
>“No. This memory will haunt me as long as I live.
-Huh... just to be sure, the author know that the mother is alive in the series, right ?
Well, let's see what is this BIG revelation that is disturbing Octavia so much.
>Octavia burst into a fit of tears and sobs, wailing loudly.
>The memory ended, but not before Scoop had heard Octavia’s wailed answer.
>“I wish I had a pink coat!”
-...well, this is stupid (politely said) ?
Her 'emotional-crisis' linked to this memory is essentially because... at the age of, like, FIVE(5) she wanted to be pink like her sister ? ...wow ?
I can't tell if I find this 'slightly original' or 'weirdly disappointing(between other things...)' ?
>“I was so young, and yet...what kind of pony, upon seeing her filly sister, can only think about her own pelt?”
-Ugggh, damnit... She was FIVE(5) YEARS OLD !
At 5 Years old, I remember I wanted to fly like the birds or something... and you don't see me having an existential crisis because I can't ?
Seriously, this idea here could have been played better than this, for sure.
>Octavia insisted sternly. “Youth is no excuse.
-...I think ''being young'' is a good excuse for a LOOOOT of things we do when we are young... like sticking our finger in electric sockets, by example (Never did that one. I did put peanut butter on one of my cat once (or was it the dog?)).
>“Octavia, it’s a beautiful memory.”
>“How can you say that?!?” Octavia cried.
-Your little sister was freaking born ! I think it's something one could call ''Happy'' !
Seriously, this is getting quite annoying fast, now.
I didn't know that Inception-like-memory-diving made the subject dumb and mentally unstable ?
... The idea for the story isn't bad, but... the story is sinking rather fast with stuff like : those weird over-exaggerated emphasizes on Octavia going all emo-like-crazy because, when she was like !FIVE!, she wanted to be pink like her sister ...
I enjoyed this story very well it shows a side of Octavia that you haven't seen before she may be outwardly stiff and gruff but that's probably for when she is going to perform, and when she isn't performing she becomes Octavia an earth pony who loves music. I can't wait for chapter 3.
VastaKustutaOctavia and Lyra being friends? I thought that was banned.
VastaKustutaI'm enjoying this story. It's not my favorite at the moment, but it's definitely something I will immediately read if I see an update to.
VastaKustuta@Nova25
I assume you're offering this as constructive criticism, but you might want to work on the wording; it comes off as rather acidic.
I'm hoping we get a little more of Scoop's background in the next part, but other than that, keep up the good work!
Here's a positive one for you: Chapter three was a GREAT chapter - especially the end scene with AJ; absolutely hilarious. I admit that the memory-traveling scenario still doesn't sit very well for me, but it is a decent vehicle for conveying an interesting story. :)
VastaKustuta@Nova25 Not only is that a ridiculous amount of nitpicking, but you seem to contradict yourself on multiple accounts. For example, you complain about her overreaction about not having a pink coat. Then you go on to say that being a child justifies many odd/inappropriate behaviors. You seem like the kind of person that can't enjoy anything that doesn't stick to the direct confines of what is "realistic." I wouldn't suggest you read My Little Pony fanfiction in such a case, especially when it is labeled as science-fiction.
VastaKustutaYou also complain about the father sternly reproaching his daughters for bothering their mother. He's a stallion under stress. His wife is in massive pain in the other room. The stress could get to him rather easily, and he wants the situation to be as easy as possible on her.
There is a difference between constructive criticism for a story and picking apart every detail of the story without thinking about it.
Oh, and also, I'm very much enjoying this story, keep it up author!
VastaKustuta@Lunavia
VastaKustuta>For example, you complain about her overreaction about not having a pink coat. Then you go on to say that being a child justifies many odd/inappropriate behaviors.
-You do know there a step between, say, throwing a rock and shooting someone, right ?
In regard to this, there's a reasonable step between someone going half-psychotic because your hair aren't of the same color as your NEWLY BORN sister and, say, crying and yelling a bit because you think your parents are taking care more of your sister than you...
>You seem like the kind of person that can't enjoy anything that doesn't stick to the direct confines of what is "realistic."
-Huhhhh... we are both reading stories about Magical Talking Ponies, riiiight ?
I think your sentence just fell into 'ridiculousness', don't you agree ?
Also, don't suppose stuff about a person that you don't really know. Guesses tend to miss by a long shot.
>I wouldn't suggest you read My Little Pony fanfiction in such a case
-(sigh) You know... that's a problem a LOT of people seem to have...
0% or 100%. All or nothing. Absolute miracle of godly perfection or *You cannot tell*.
A mildly annoying way to think things.
>especially when it is labeled as science-fiction.
-Speaking of that... There's not much of that here, really. ''magical Inception-like mind-dive'' isn't really much, when compared to most/other Sci-Fi stories. That's all.
>There is a difference between constructive criticism for a story and picking apart every detail of the story without thinking about it.
-First: Did I EVER said I was making ''reviews'' ?
Second: On the condition that a person doesn't decide to make Mountains out of molehills, one can see a lot from 'comments through reading'... why, where, what caused the 'stop' and made the person comment, what reaction does this person had, etc...
Third: A story is about the 'big picture' and the details inside that 'big picture'... if you can't comment about the details, there's not much left interesting to talk about.
Also, I only 'commented' on the details that got my attention as I was reading, OR that I thought would be interesting for other person to look at and wonder about.
Also : ''without thinking about it''... yeah, riiiight.
*look up at what's written so far* ...I like to think, wonder, and make theories, a lot.
Loved this story right from the start, and looking forward to Part 4 :D
VastaKustutaGood story, so far. I'm a tad confused on who all is related in this universe, though, so I guess I'll try to read it again. I'm gonna stay away from reading the comments, though. Nova's excessive commenting annoys the crap outta me.
VastaKustuta@tyler
VastaKustutaHuh... Hi you too ?
Comments are comments, and their number is only limited by how many thing you want to say and by how much you want to say stuff...
What do you expect, honestly ?
-----
-----
« Remain calm, serene, always in command of yourself. You will then find out how easy it is to get along.
Paramahansa Yogananda »
---
Part 3:
>The more he considered it, the more Scoop realized that Octavia wasn’t the sort of pony to be distraught over something so small, so insignificant...
-I also thought/wondered about that at some point...
>“No, I am in your mind. We are focusing your memories through the catalyst of my consciousness.
-Octavia provides the basic version, and he provides the patches if applicable.
>“The gift?” he questioned.
>“The earth pony affinity for music,” Octavia said.
-Isn't the ''gift'' of Earth Ponies to be naturally talented with anything related to the earth, nature and stuff ? ...or at least, their 'Primary' gift.
>“I’ll never be good at an instrument; it’s an earth pony thing!”
-I will never get that ''idea'' that Earth Ponies would/should be ''especially talented'' with music, compared to pegasi or unicorns ?
---
Well, it was an 'ok' part, certainly ''better'' than the previous one.
Positive comment? I wouldn't know anything about needing that once in a while, nope. >.>
VastaKustutaSeriously, though, you're an above average writer and there are rarely mistakes, beyond that, I'm loving what you're doing with 'Tav. I really like how the story is shaping up. Keep up the great work, mate!
And I suppose I should've clarified, when I say mistakes, I only mean a comma or lower/upper case thing here or there, nothin else. Definitely keep writing, though, I love the story.
VastaKustutaI will say that Nova's comments shed new light on parts the reader may overlook the first time through, especially if you skim like I do. 10 internets for Nova.
VastaKustutaThanks, you guys! I'm so happy you like it! By the way, Arlet and Scarlet's names rhyme by accident. I just typed in "names of apples beginning with a" and "names of apples beginning with s" and picked two at random. I didn't notice they rhymed until halfway through the chapter. :P
VastaKustutaP.S. Oh Octavia is now the first result on Google if you type in "Oh, Octavia!" I'm so stoked!
Any ETA on chapter four?
VastaKustutaHow does "today" work for you, Statoose?
VastaKustutaIt amuses me that Nova25 wasted so much time to write all those comments. I don't even bother reading the rest of them but I already assume that you are retarded because you one complain but still read the story. If you enjoy writing so much you should write your own fanfics. Maybe you will even get more than 2 stars for them who knows...
VastaKustutaLast but not least your comments are fucking horrible! Never learned that at school? NEVER write down your interpretations when you criticize it, the author writes the story for himself and everyone that enjoys it and not specifically for YOU. Point out objective mistakes (e.g. typos, grammar mistakes, ...) but not gaps, mirror situations and contradictions since they might be all intentional. Give suggestions on how the author could improve the story and do not complain about the content. And every story is neither bad nor good, YOU THINK it is bad or good.
AAAWWWWW SHIT, TIMING! WOO!
VastaKustutaLol, seriously, great timing! :D
@Rainbow Dash
VastaKustuta>It amuses me that Nova25 wasted so much time to write all those comments.
-Good that you are amused. Good that you are also wasting time writing words on Internet, each and every days, like most people on this planet... What a co-inki-dence ?
>I don't even bother reading the rest of them but I already assume that you are retarded
-Don't read, don't care, fine... But don't be an ass or troll by insulting me in such ways. Ok ?
'Trying' to remain polite isn't that hard.
>because you one complain but still read the story.
-Yeeeees ? Your point is ?
Seriously, that a problem with a lot of people... For many it's : 100% Pure Hate or 100% Pure Blind Adoration... 100% Bad or 100% Good... There's a middle, you know ?
One can like various points, while also disliking others.
You can 'dislike' a few elements in a story, while appreciating the story as a 'whole', or vice-versa.
>If you enjoy writing so much you should write your own fanfics.
>Maybe you will even get more than 2 stars for them who knows...
-Now... don't be a ass like that, please ?
(also, I DID write 2-3 stories. Nothing major, and it was a LONG time ago, but some people appeared to like them and others not(but were polite)).
>Last but not least your comments are fucking horrible!
-(sigh)... troll-much ?
>Never learned that at school? NEVER write down your interpretations when you criticize it
-...1) It's a comment... there are COMMENTS, *not* reviews. 2) Going from insults to insults, and now using weak troll-like stuff about 'school' ?
Can you calm yourself, a little ?
>the author writes the story for himself and everyone that enjoys it and not specifically for YOU.
-I know... EVERYONE knows. Also, I never said otherwise.
And, everyone is free to express their opinions, their thoughts, their suggestions about the story 'as a whole', parts of the story, concepts used, random stuff about a cat and buttered-toast and anti-gravity...
>Point out objective mistakes (e.g. typos, grammar mistakes, ...)
-Yes.
>but not gaps, mirror situations and contradictions since they might be all intentional.
-How are you gonna know what was intended to be from what was not, unless you have a mysterious telepathic/mind-reading power, OR have the author's script... or supernatural deducing powers... well, what was you point again ?
>And every story is neither bad nor good, YOU THINK it is bad or good.
-This sounds confusing, for no reason.
Everything and anything is/can be, to various degrees, good/liked - bad/disliked, in parts or in larger sections, but never really in totality, as all is subject to interpretation and objectivity/subjectivity depending on MANY possible variables. Yes. This is rather obvious.
But, you know... you kinda have to WRITE what you think, it's not like people are psychic through the Internet.
...sheeeesh ?
Part 4 :
VastaKustuta>“Alright. All we need to do is destroy the construct.”
>“Easy,” Scoop said. “Through my death.”
-So... he has to metaphorically ‘’mentally die’’, in order to exit that ‘inception-like mind-dive’ ?
That doesn’t make much sense... I mean, he’s the one that ‘initiated’ the (psychic?) mental connection/link, so why couldn’t he just interrupt it or eject himself (or by/with the help of Octavia’s mind) ? It’s not like he’s trapped by something/someone (as far as we know) or connected through a machine(even then, a machine would probably have a safety-protocol), after all.
>“I... I... my powers were given to me for defeating a great darkness,”
>“That darkness was horrifying... a nightmare from a world beyond our own.
-Ah... Alien ‘Evil’ thingy that make people go crazy from fear... *That* is the Sci-Fi part, right ? Was it Nightmare Moon’s cousin ?
>“To my home, Mr. Daily! To la maison d’Octavie Pie!”
-Ahh, fancy-talking... For when you need to sound distinguished : http://thex-plotion.deviantart.com/art/Smart-mouthing-270485888
>“Do you really?” said Vinyl, appearing from out of nowhere and tackling Octavia to the ground.
-... ~Yay~... DJ P0N-3. :)
>Mrs. Pie?”
>Vinyl smothered her with a passionate kiss. Octavia’s eyes grew wide
>her irises seemed to disappear as her coat became more brilliantly cherry-colored than her eyes.
-Well, at least the story uses some of the finest and most interesting material for those 2. This Part is already much better than any of the previous ones.
>“Scratch, you have to stay awake while S-scoop and... hic... I go under.
-Drunk ‘inception-like mind-dive’ ? That must be even more illegal than driving while drunk (and dangerous too).
The memories are gonna be all blurry... and I wouldn’t be half-surprised if some of the most *cough* ‘’explicit’’ of them would emerge first of her mind...
>but on the job he was as serious as a heart attack.
-Bah, all he needs is a pacemaker... and some more alcohol.
>Octavia gave a strangled screech. He turned and saw that Vinyl’s head was nestled between Octavia’s legs.
-... ... ...*Information taking a few seconds to reach brain* ... *Thoughts take a left-turn while being analysed* ... ‘’Wait... Vinyl Scratch is a unicorn... with a horn, so...’’ ... 0_0 ... Oh my. (relatively funny, I would say)
>she explained that maple syrup mixed with bourbon would help take the razor edge off of his hangover.
-Huh, is it a real ‘drinking trick’ ?
@Nova25
VastaKustuta>He was kicked out of Junior Speedsters Flight Camp for smuggling in contraband; in his case, a flute.
-Seems rather a darn extreme measure ? I mean, being permanently kicked out of school for a musical instrument... that’s ‘’somewhat’’ (very) unrealistic for an education establishment (it’s not like it was drugs/alcohol/sex or violent stuff).
Don’t they have disciplinary sanctions in their schools ? And, how can Celestia permit such arbitrary measures to be allowed in school(s) ?
>He’s one of only three pegasi ever to make a career out of an instrument.”
-...surely not in ALL the History of Equestria, I hope. That would be downright ridiculous.
The concept of music (musical talent(s)) being something restrained/gifted to almost only Earth Ponies would be, politely said, stupid.
>“‘Old it like zis, Madame,” >“Zee? It iz easy, onze you get ze hang of it, no?
-Mmh... it appears that all great (old) classical musicians speak in ‘’Zs’’, for some reasons ? An odd coincidence.
>Scoop nodded again, this time in understanding. “Magically-Induced Reproduction.”
>“R-right. But I’m not. I’m an Earth Pony. I’m unable to procreate with my wife.
-I call nonsense here. Even if, in the distant possibility, Equestria doesn’t yet have a good enough knowledge of genetic... well... “MAGICally-Induced Reproduction” !
There’s nothing really preventing 2 (sub-species, earth pony/pegasus/unicorn) specimens of the same species (ponies) to have children/foals together. The level of development and knowledge in the field of Genetic and/or Magic, at that moment, being the only real limitation to that.
(*raise an eyebrow* It worked for Derpy and her daughter Dinky, so why not them... in a distant ‘hypothetical’ future ?)
>“They’re Goddesses! They can do anything, as far as we know! Perhaps they could... come up with some way to give you a foal that’s yours and Scratch’s alone!”
-Yeah. They did it in quite a few stories, so why not this one ?
-----
Part 4... a good part, I would say, except for a few little details (one making me scratch my head) of course.
I like the Inception-inspired idea.
VastaKustutaHowever, not sure I like where this is going... The whole scene with Scratch at the house sort of ruined my impression of Tavi. And is this an Octavia/Vinyl ship, or Octavia and Scoop? I was expecting and hoping for Scoop.
I deffinitely liked this story alot more prior to part 4. Either way, I'll read this to the end, but it's kind of dissapointing.
Das Eine Fanonfest, ahoy.
VastaKustutai hate it when fan fics like this just fall apart... this had potential and its likely that it will never be finished... a shame really...
VastaKustutaAaaand slash pairings are where I draw the line.
VastaKustuta....part 5 seems to be derped.
VastaKustutaWOAH, I THOUGHT THIS WAS DEAD! SURPRISE CHAPTER.
VastaKustuta*Clicks*
*Link is derped*
FUCKIN' HORSEAPPLES.
Alright new cha....wait a second. You almost had me there.
VastaKustutaI feel trolled
VastaKustuta>untitled document
VastaKustuta*eye twitch* ARE YOU BUCKING KIDDING ME?
Uh, my bad. I sent them an empty link. I've sent them a new one. It will be replaced shortly.
VastaKustutaWow. Am I driving down a mountain because I'm getting dizzy from all the twists!
VastaKustutaachem, one fic at a time please.
VastaKustutaAh, damn. I just started reading Allegrezza, thinking this was dead. Butnope, it's still alive
VastaKustutaUgh. Alright, let's read...
Well, I managed to stick with this into chapter 5, which is (by the author's admission) pretty shaky, but then it starts taking excessive liberties with both fanon and canon. And then dr. whooves showed up. Nope. Can't hang at all.
VastaKustutaIn a magical world full of mythical creatures, pegasi, and unicorns, and ruled by two godlike beings that control the sun and moon, dr. whooves is just a cheap and lazy convenience to avoid putting work into plotting the storyline.
If he starts zapping around in the show, then I might recant, but I'd probably just stop watching the show instead.
I entreat you to keep reading. While I agree that the last chapter is shaky, the reason is that it took so long over so many mood cycles to write.
VastaKustutaAs for Dr. Whooves, this is his only appearance in the whole series. I needed him to get Chaser in there while explaining away the time travel angle. He's not integral to the plot.
I'm not sure if I'm supposed to know this yet or if your going to explain it later in the story but, who is Sol?
VastaKustuta@Lazulic
VastaKustutaUpdate numero 5 has got a clear sci-fi reference.
:D
@Nova25
VastaKustutaI have to comment on this.
Anyone else finding it ironic that the first part Nova liked had Vinyl?
I'd also like to say that, Nova, your criticisms come off as your being an asshole. No, I'm not saying you are, as you DO seem to be thinking of how you'd "improve" the story, but it really comes off as you acting like you could write the story so much better.
Speaking of which, if you can, I'd love to see it.
Anyways, just wanted to say I love the story so far!
@The Bearded Stallion
VastaKustutaYeah, you're not supposed to know that yet. He's actually part of another story that I will release with the last chapter of this one, but he will be explained in more detail later.
I don't think even Pinkie Pie knows what's going on here. Hee.
VastaKustuta@MegamanSora
VastaKustuta>Anyone else finding it ironic that the first part Nova liked had Vinyl?
-And your point here is ? ...that I can't like Vinyl Scratch simply because I didn't like/approve of ***SOME*** points in the story ?
>you DO seem to be thinking of how you'd "improve" the story
-I read, think, wonder and theorize, THEN comment... I let other people do or ''think'' whatever they want... as long as it allows 'someone' to think and/or wonder about a/some thing(s) that they ''may'' have not thought otherwise, then the *Comment* served its purpose.
>your criticisms come off as your being an asshole.
>it really comes off as you acting like you could write the story so much better.
-You seem to be quite presumptive on a LOT of things about me ? You aren't the first... don't worry about it... ...if this is something you would worry about, that is ?
I'm of the kind that doesn't fear too much to speak my mind, but I also tend to like to temper it a little with some diplomacy if available(if it's a good day or not, by example)... then again, 'speaking my mind' comes usually a bit more. In any case, one thing is certain, I always 'try' to be as polite as possible (I also expect people to 'try' to remain polite, mmh).
This comes out as, maybe I suppose, an odd mix... Sometimes pretty sharp and hard, sometimes flexible and easy going... sometimes a bit harsher to some people's taste, yes, BUT! they NEVER, ever are made with the explicit or direct intention to ''wound'' author or story (despite what some ''people'' like to convince themselves of).
...and, for you information, I did write 1or2 small stories, many, many months ago... so long ago.
...Now, if you will excuse me, I have a story to read.
Part 5:
VastaKustuta>this is just so... well, I’ve never in my very, very long life been asked t-to... well, you know how... I mean, it’s just... not natural, you know?
-‘’not natural’’ ?... ... ...I will let that one slide, on the account that it’s Luna, and things were surely different **1000 Years** ago.
... Not sure to see the necessity for the scene (even if short) with Fancy Pant saying that he wouldn’t sue the Main Cast (except maybe just to insert one of the new Background Pony)? For 1), he really doesn’t seem like the kind of pony who would even ‘think’ of suing 4-5 ponies who barely danced on a conga line and ate cake... and 2), he’s not Blue Blood... plus, what happened was like a hundred times less compared to the Grand Gala ...
>“Powerful magics... far greater, even, than our own may be required to create life. We must consult with the powers of those from beyond our own world.”
-...(sigh)... I must *roll my eyes* really hard there... ‘’We must use enough super-hyper-powerful magic to create a planet just to allow a *FEMALE* to bare to genetic code of another female !’’ ...yeeeeeah, right ?
Not sure why the need for ‘Overkill magic’... it’s not like they are creating a WHOLE new entire race from scratch ?
>I mean you no offense, but I have waited... for so long.”
-Huh... did several months or years passed between Part 4 and 5, or ?
>“I will bend the very fabric of this reality to your will, Princess. It shall be done.”
-...Really ? Altering the ‘’very fabric of Reality’’ ? Come on now, this is just forced at this point...*mumble-grumble*-getting ridiculous, frankly.
Genetics and Magic ? Let’s make it 1Million times more complicated, ‘’because!’’.
>I fear I must return to my compatriots. We have much to learn as of yet, and I fear a few among our group have mounted an insurrection.”
-War in the Higher Planes ? ...now, that’s a story that would be interesting. Remembers me a bit of Thor.
>If you say she remembers something of the other bipeds
>occurs shortly after she gains her Cutie Mark.
-Weird... why am I thinking of Doctor Who, for some reasons ? I wonder...
>a crackle split the air at the end of the alley. A phone booth appeared
-Well, what do you know ? I didn’t know it was actually going to be the Doctor himself.
...wait ? 4 ponies ? Ditzy and the Doctor, ok, but are the other 2 from some other stories ?
...Berry Punch ? That’s a new one. And, who’s Chase ? (an OC ?)
-----
Well then... I guess most of the Sci-Fi was hiding in Part 5, all this time ?
Relatively ‘ok’, though the need for ‘Overkill Magic’ and ‘’altering the fabric of Reality’’ stuff were a bit exaggerated. Just a bit more and we would have had a Giant Space Laser, to do a surgery...
Very good story, just keep it alive:) How many chapters are you planning?
VastaKustutaI'm not really planning ahead, per se. I'm going to take this to the end, and then I'll release the other story I've been working on.
VastaKustutaOh Octavia, why you so consuing
VastaKustutaThis strangly reminds me of a movie. Something about a dream withen a dream.
VastaKustutaThis strangly reminds me of a movie. Something about a dream withen a dream.
VastaKustutaChapter five was ALMOST a suitable ending.
VastaKustutaAs far as I see it, this story can go one of two ways. It can keep getting more confusing and add more cliches, which would be disappointing. Or it can wrap up all the lose ends(or at least most) explain everything and make things make sense in such a way that it ends up as one of my favorite fanfics.
VastaKustutaok, maybe I'm being a bit too dramatic, but this is confusing enough to make it amazing if finished correctly.
Personally, I'm hoping for the second option, and I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
@Nova25
VastaKustutaJust so you know, not everyone is critical of critics, what you're saying about this seems like beneficial constructive criticism to me.
either way, discussions around you are getting a little bit heated, so, for the sake of love and tolerance, maybe take things down a notch.
@PinamenaDianePieTheThird
VastaKustuta>seems like beneficial constructive criticism to me.
-Whatever people believe/interpret/think what I say is beneficial or not... is their own right.
But, one point to maybe clarify is that my 'comments' aren't exactly intended as ''critics'', but as ''comments''... a mix of opinions, *facts* and other information I collect through other readings, interpretations/thoughts/theories(lots of theories).
>discussions around you are getting a little bit heated, so, for the sake of love and tolerance, maybe take things down a notch
-At least 'you', contrary to some other people, engage the discussion politely and in an non-aggressive way, which is all to your honor, but...
All those comments are made *as I am reading the story* ; they are (in a way) a reflect of how good or bad the story itself, and the various parts and elements composing the story were received and/or interpreted by *A(1)* reader...
Also, to a minor level, those are 'written words'... not exactly the best way/medium to properly explain/convey what I try to say, sometimes.
I can't really help it, if (a few)people WAYYYY too easily see such 'comment' as a personal attack against the very 'person' of the author... when it is NOT in any shape or form one, neither is intended to be one.
...
...I do look up, and *slightly* edit IF needed, before posting.
...I say what I have to say, as politely as it's possible, but strong/bad/annoying things, of course create proportionally stronger response, than smaller stuff, and... for the better or the worst, it tends to reflect in the comment.
Someone who look carefully, and neutrally at comments can discover plenty of information...
« It began in mystery, and it will end in mystery, but what a savage and beautiful country lies in between.
VastaKustuta-Diane Ackerman »
« Discovery is seeing what everybody else has seen, and thinking what nobody else has thought.
-Albert Szent-Gyorgyi »
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It has been a while... let’s see ‘’where’’ things are going this time...
Part 6:
>into the an event
-Small error ?
> “I don’t know what right you think you have to control my mind, but you--” She was cut off as her eyes reopened to meet Scoop’s
-I never have been a fan of *forced* control/manipulation of people... and even less for the deny of one’s ‘free will’... Whatever the excuse of the one doing it.
When everything starts ‘disappearing’ around you... only your memories are left, for you to remember... for a time...
>With a little bit of training, she could be an excellent psychic.
-Huh...? Just being good at remembering stuff you forgot... makes you a ‘’psychic’’ now ?
>“Because this date defines my sexuality in no uncertain terms.”
-Oooooooooook ? ...Awkward, and almost kinda-creepy...
>“I- I don’t know. I feel like... like I lost something. Like a piece of me has been stripped away.
-I swear... if this again a case of boring, unimaginative ‘’rape(attempt)’’, there will be fire !
>we’re trapped wandering this fair until Shiitake wakes us up
-Who ? ...and why does his/her name is *very* suspiciously sounding like ‘Shit-take’ (unless it’s an error) ?
... And then, a long attempt to explain ‘something-something-mind layers’ using cakes, lots of cream, a monkey, and a kitchen sink... or were there raisins ? ...
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Well, I guess this was an ‘ok’/good part... even though I’m really not sure where this is going, with the *forced* memory deleting/alteration and imposition of Scoop over Octavia’s free will...
You should really add a [crossover] tag to this. unless its just a coincidence you describe almost everything it takes to make a world in a (memory), how to leave it and the repercussions of not doing so, from the movie.
VastaKustutaI've only read the first few chapters and I guess its interesting. Maybe its just my own head canons conflicting with yours but the characterizations seem very off. One thing that really bugged me was in the prologue was the description of Octavia's life. It doesn't seem at all enjoyable for anyone or anything to be under that much surveillance. It just seems to be leading in one direction constantly then the whole 'Inception' thing throws it completely out the window.
If you actually read these comments I could go into greater detail but I'm not entirely sure this comment will even be seen so ill leave it at that.
Also, the story does have a rather unfortunate and, to me personally, unappealing name.
VastaKustuta"Oh, Octavia" just makes me think of those charictures and parodies of 'TV Telemundo'/spanish tv. Or a soap opera. or a Telemundo Soap opera.
Chapter 7 is inconsistent. Why is octavia able to hit Scoop now but unable to touch him in an earlier chapter?
VastaKustuta@Nova25
VastaKustutaShiitake is a type of mushroom
So many comments about not understanding the si-fi. Has no one seen Inception? its a straight lift of the dream techniques...
VastaKustutai like it! great job :)
VastaKustutaAll wen't well until about chapter four, lesbian ponies going at it is not my thing.
VastaKustuta@Unknown
VastaKustutaI did my best to deal with those inconsistencies in this chapter. I suppose I didn't mention that because they could SEE and INTERACT with the dream ponies, they could also touch them. My bad.
@ A.D
VastaKustutaSadly, Shipping ponies IS my thing, and Sanctuary is going to have an XXX rated version on FIMFiction. If you don't LIKE Shipping, don't read stories with the [Shipping] tag.
@A.D
VastaKustutaThat's funny AD. So if we take a quick look at your current work we wouldn't find anything to contradict this statement?
Oh don't worry, we believe you : SemicolonRightBracket :
All I could think of was "OMG PINKEH PIE!"
VastaKustutaCH.7 :
VastaKustuta>there is no cause to use your ‘Canterlot Voice’ on me. The blame for our current state of affairs falls squarely on the shoulders of Mistress Octavia herself.
-My, my... what a gentleman ? *roll my eyes*
>I have projected myself astrally... astral projection, you see!
-I don’t see the need for a repetition like that ? Is it supposed to be funny ?
It’s like ‘’I’m a pegasus that fly... flying with my wings, you see.’’... no, duh ?
>There was no question that he had overstepped his professional boundaries in his theft of Octavia’s memory
-No s*** Sherlock ? Who would have thought that altering, destroying, stealing and/or fragmenting someone else memory, by force AND without their explicit consent... might have been a bad and/or morally wrong thing to do ?
>“Forget...” he whispered. “It will all be over soon.”
-I wish an Illithid would devour HIS brain... sigh...
>You stole from me! You stole my memories and you lied about it! You brainwashed me and my wife! If the Princess weren’t protecting your sorry flank, I would bucking kill you!”
-Personally, I would take Octavia’s side there...
Yeeeeeeeeeah... Likable main character, what’s that ?
>“It was at my request that Scoop tried to take your memory. He was not ‘stealing,’ as you suggest.
-Taking something from someone, without their consent, even on the behalf of another person... is still ‘’stealing’’, you know ?
>it was for a reason beyond your ability to understand.”
-That would be the beginning of something resembling a valid reason... if she had tried to make Octavia understand(to explain her) BEFORE taking/altering the memory !
>If I may speak frankly, I don’t believe I need to. If you feel the memory is that important, you may have it.”
-Also, as if on cue, 30sec later Luna quickly explains the main part of the memory, and Octavia then WILLINGLY agrees to give this memory to the Princess, if she really needs it.
>Scoop has already explained to me the contents and I don’t feel there is anything of further importance to me within it.
-Then, why the heck was she so adamant on taking the memory, less than 1min ago ?! Consistency !
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It’s... well written ? The ONLY thing I think I can say about this chapter, right now...
CH.8 :
VastaKustuta>“It was all mathematical, scientific, and mechanical. I’m a sauvant. Figure it out,” Octavia said
-Huh... last time I check, Octavia was a talented classical *musician* ? Not Octvia Einstein...
(Also : ‘’savant’’ (small error))
>Octavia looked at him strangely. “Read the Vinyl Scratch Tapes, Daily.
-Can it be a more meta-reference ? It probably can.
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Well... from what I still can remember from previous chapters... overall, the story was averagely ‘ok’.
It wasn’t bad, but it definitely wasn’t as interesting as I think it could have been.
There’s also that ‘sorta-subplot’, with the ‘’super-secret memory that Octavia couldn’t possibly be able to handle (but in fact *totally* can), and it’s morally questionable removal’’, which seemed like a weird insertion through the rest of the story and could have been removed without affecting the rest of it. Almost like if it was a piece of something placed there, just to be used as a reference for another story ?
@Nova25 Nova, this is Bubblegum. I'm rewriting Oh, Octavia! and returning it to my original ideal for the story. It will be a lot longer and it will be released in one block, but I was wondering: would you be interested in proof reading it on a chapter-by-chapter basis? If so, shoot me a reply and we'll arrange it. Thanks!
VastaKustuta@EthanStroup
VastaKustutaI could, yes... I suppose.
It's a bit of a surprising request for me, I have to say.
(I have a DeviantArt account, with the same name, for further details)
@EthanStroup
VastaKustuta...*crickets sounds*... I think he forgot ?