[Adventure]
Author: Ezn
Description: A communication scholar from Canterlot, a mailmare from Fillydelphia, and a zebra diplomat in training, brought together by a hunger for knowledge, embark on a journey of discovery to the mysterious homeland of the dragons.All Links Below the Break!
Long Distance
Long Distance Part 2
Long Distance Part 3
Long Distance Part 4
Long Distance Part 5
Long Distance Part 6
Long Distance Part 7
Long Distance Part 8
Long Distance Part 9
Long Distance Part 10
Long Distance Part 11
Long Distance Part 12
Long Distance Part 13
Long Distance Part 14
Long Distance Part 15
Long Distance Part 16
Long Distance Part 17
Long Distance Part 18 (New!)
Long Distance (All Links)
Additional Tags: Dragonfire, Fillydelphia, Dragons, Travel, OC ponies
Fan Art
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55 kommentaari:
Faust
VastaKustutaFaust's old Twilight and sparkly dragon image in color. Very nice.
VastaKustutaClever concept.
VastaKustutaI spy with my little eye a faux FO:E memory orb divider.
Alright, I'm interested. When's the next bit?
Well, this promises to be an entertaining read. I eagerly look forward to further updates.
VastaKustutaoooooh pretty dragoness lol
VastaKustutaI like it, Although I foresee a potential side story were a ponyville branch is set up and another dragon moves in to town.
VastaKustutaYou've got the beginnings of what is sure to be a very interesting fic.
VastaKustutaLooking forward to the next chapter.
I would like to apologize for firsting. I promise it won't happen again.
VastaKustutaAnyway the story's premise sounded interesting and while it is well written, it's a little too far away from the source material for my taste.
Hey everypony, author here. Glad you guys are mostly liking the story so far, I did write it for you guys after all.
VastaKustutaThis is actually my first ever fanfic, but I've written a ton of original fiction. Before I knew what friendship could be, I'm sorry to say I turned my nose up at even reading fanfic. But then you ponies wrote your awesome, awesome stories, and I was powerless to avoid reading them.
I love some of the fanfic the community's generated SO MUCH that I even stole a few ideas and devices that I liked from a bunch of stories. You're right on target, Somepony Else, that is indeed a faux FOE memory orb divider, but used for flashbacks instead of memory orbs because a thief's gotta be quick, and I didn't want to get my horn stuck in one of those during my escape.
Nintyuk: As the astute reader may have noticed, Ponyville is on the list of places my Fillydelphia trio are going to be passing through. Spike already has a job so... let me not say too much.
Rarity Unicorn: I loled. That was a funny first pun, and you should feel good about it. I'm sorry my fic isn't your cup of tea, but thanks for the compliments. Can't please everypony, and I'm not trying to.
could i get a link to source of pic please?
VastaKustutaI love this story already, and a greatly looking forward to the next chapters. :D
VastaKustutapell: http://ponibooru.413chan.net/post/view/55448?search=dragon
VastaKustutaThere's the image on Ponibooru. It's a really awesome picture.
Forgot to mention in my last post, but I'll be submitting the next chapter sometime this week, possibly tomorrow or the day after. The chapter's about 67% done as of right now.
Hey this story is pretty Interesting. looking forward to more chapters :D
VastaKustutaNew Lunar Republic? Oh dear.
VastaKustutaA new concept that promises adventure and avoids most of the fandom's tropes? I'm in. :-)
VastaKustutaI just read chapter 1. I can tell that I will enjoy this fic very well. I like the fact it is mostly OC ponies and that the only thing you are really taking from the canonosity of everything is the actual setting. I look forward to future chapters of this as much as I do the show, oh wait there is chapter two waiting for me now!
VastaKustutaI am really glad I gave this fic a 5 star after reading the second chapter. I love the feel of this story
VastaKustutaAlso Edits:
I apologize for posting the edits here but I dunno your email to send em to.
Chapter 2
“How are your folks enjoyin'... > you
tree-place > "three-place"
Wee comments!
VastaKustutaThank you to everypony who's shown interest in this story, I'm really glad my hard work is getting some recognition.
@Ice Storm: No worries, pal. Thanks a ton for those edits; some stuff always manages to slip through the cracks.
If anyone else finds any errors, please do post them here. Alternatively, you can send this LJ account a PM (at least I think that should be possible), or prod me on FIMfiction (http://www.fimfiction.net/user/Ezn).
So anyway, I'm working on the third chapter right now, and you guys will probably be able to see it up here by early next week.
I know rite? And your like, "how did those get there? What are my pre-readers doing?" Don't blame them, they are doin the best job they can! *brohoofs the prereaders*
VastaKustuta@ Ezn
VastaKustutaI am really enjoying your story so far!
I absolutely love the angle from which you are approaching the story! It's unique and captivating.
This is really shaping up to be an epic adventure!
Good luck and I eagerly await the next chapter! :)
MELVIN!
VastaKustutaMEEELVIIIN
VastaKustutaYOU UNDERHANDED
SNEAKY
REPTILE
The great story continues!
Oh Melvin, you little bastard.
VastaKustutat'was beautiful chapter.
VastaKustutaYou also get props for coming up with all of those rhymes. ^_^
Mel-vin, you greedy dragon!
VastaKustutaAnyways. Fun little chapter, fun little story. I like it, and will definitely keep reading it; I would, however, like to see some more, y'know, action and (long-running) story. The characters are all good-to-great, and the premise is very cool, but I'd like to see something important on the line at some point. If you're already planning on that (and I kinda imagine that you are, based on the [Adventure] tag), great! If you aren't, well, I'd be obliged if you considered it, I suppose. Like I said, I'll keep reading this whether or not it gets a "hook" or some intensity. (Oh, and Voted 5/5, for anyone considering picking this one up - it's a worthwhile read)
Another lovely chapter!
VastaKustutaSibwashie's dialogue is masterful and it is great to see White Noise's spirit of entrepreneurship!
It is unfortunate that White Noise has not implemented an accounting and control system. I wonder if there are accounting ponies? Cutiemark: Ledger. :)
But don't mind me, just being pedantic! :p
Thanks!
@Ice Storm: I've only started getting other folks to proofread this story as of this latest chapter, so no, I won't be too hard on myself. =P
VastaKustuta@Dusklight: Glad you're enjoying the fic.
@Nintyuk, Somepony Else, BlackVion: When I was writing this chapter, I laid the scene skeleton to get some idea of how things would progress. The skeleton description of the final scene read: "<<>>".
@Ice Storm: Thanks! It would be criminal of me not to mention my Sibwashie dialogue co-author - RhymeZone.com. Hooray for rhyming dictionaries!
@Overlong Analysis Cobalt: My biggest worry about the story so far is that I'm taking too much time to set things up and ease into the adventure. Rest assured that there are some bigger things going on here, and the pace is going to pick up relatively soon.
@Dusklight again: I'm doing first year uni accounting at the moment, and I pity the poor pony who gets that as a life calling, although I guess they'd enjoy it... somehow.
Melvin was right about White not being a businesspony. Seeing as the only other dragons he's worked with so far have been good friends, he probably hasn't even considered the possibility of being embezzled by his employees.
@eznpony
VastaKustutaOh, thank you! :) The long setup isn't an issue at all, don't worry - I was really just trying to ask if it'd get heavier at some point, not demand instant weighty matters. Glad to hear you've got plans!
Hmm. Feels wrong to double post, even though it's been a week or so since my previous one. One of those weird cultural phenomenons, I expect.
VastaKustutaAnyways! A nice chapter, this. Melancholy, in its way - good things happened to tout le monde, and everything turned out O K, but Ditzy's reactions are always tinged with a bit of sadness when she's done like this. The last bit, with her happily retaking her old job was like that. Good on you for making it happen, and work.
The Lunar Republic's going to be a thing, then. Interesting - I look forward to finding out more.
Bottom line: good chapter. It can be a toss-up when introducing the M-6, or even well-known side/fanon characters, but you stayed true to their characters, didn't shift focus from the story's cast, and had interesting, realistic interactions. Well done. :)
The "Bubbles didn't defend me when I asked" line had me on the floor.
VastaKustutaAn interesting premise and I nice balance of interaction between the new cast and the mane cast.
I'm looking forward to reading the rest.
I'm glad you guys are so positive about my portrayal and integration of the mane six - this chapter really worried me because I wasn't sure I'd be able to get them IC enough.
VastaKustutaThe way they were integrated into the story certainly took a fair bit of thought, and it was a balancing act to not have them take over the entire story. Ultimately, they aren't the focus of this fic, so I resisted the urge to include absolutely everypony regardless of plot relevance.
The chapter ended up being a fair bit more about Ditzy than I excepted going in, but I think it all holds together fairly well.
@Overlong Analysis Cobalt:
Heh, yeah, weird how that works.
@ultra8:
I was hoping that comment would be at least a little bit funny - glad you found it hilarious!
In the next chapter, we'll be leaving basically all traces of canon behind and venturing into the unknown. So watch this space or something, I guess. =D
And not a mention of spike by White Noise? or a Mention from spike about His dragon-fire delivery?
VastaKustuta@eznpony
VastaKustutaThe balance you achieved was just perfect!
It was most entertaining to see the travellers' interactions with the Mane cast especially Twilight. There isn't really a pony in Ponyville as into research and study as she is so it was pleasant to see her enjoying White Noise's company.
The crisis scene was quite interesting - I love epic encounters!
Thanks again for your lovely work! :)
So now I suppose... to the unknown!
@Nintyuk:
VastaKustutaWhen I was planning this chapter out in my head, it had Spike in it, but he fell off somewhere on the road from my mind to the actual pages.
I can definitely see that he would be totally relevant to the story, and I'm sorry I didn't include him here, but I just couldn't come up with anything interesting or relevant for him to do.
I've got to tell you, this chapter nearly became two chapters, with a whole lot more mane cast members and nods to the show, but in the end I went for what worked in the context of the wider story.
@Dusklight:
Thanks! It's always nice to read about stuff I get right.
Yay! Update!
VastaKustutaHeroes to the rescue!
Really interesting to get some insight into the behaviour of dragons.
Way to go Flighty!!! :)
The New Lunar Republic... I wonder if they will see Princess Luna. Would you be considering taking into account Princess Luna's canon characterisation from the next episode?
Thanks much!
Huzzah! To the Republic! Let's see what those whackjobs are up to.
VastaKustutaHmm, interesting. The New Lunar Republic crisis brewing in the background keeps coming further towards the front. And there's clearly something odd about that dragon, too.
VastaKustutaGreat chapter, as usual. You've got a very readable writing style, it's nice.
@Dusklight
VastaKustutaFlighty went on to have some pretty awesome adventures of her own, but those are not the subject of this story.
As for Princess Luna, damn me if I'm not gonna try to get her in character. My current plan is to write any scenes she appears in after watching the episode, having done all no-Luna scenes before hand. My writing's pretty modular, so it should work out.
This is actually perfect timing, if you think about it.
@Somepony Else
And so we will!
@Overlong Analysis Cobalt
I'd get bored with just one plot thread. And thanks. I guess the point of writing is for it to be read, so I'm glad you think my writing is readable. =)
Gotta give a big thanks to all you regular commenters; comments are keep the writing engine chugging. I really like to hear about what people think of my story, so if there are any lurkers around, please consider commenting, even if just to say "cool story bro" or chide Melvin. =P
Please tell me that Melvin is going to punnished for his extortion.
VastaKustuta@eznpony
VastaKustutaAwww! Thanks Eznpony! It really is the least we can do for your hard work and wonderful creativity! :)
Great chapter! I enjoyed the insight into the New Lunar Republic's motives and rationale. I'm quite fascinated with the birth of the NLR so it will be lovely to see how it progresses.
Another dragon behaving abnormally? I sense a foreshadowing - there is something dark behind the scenes.
Melvin... Gotta keep an eye on him. :)
Oh Sibwashie... What have you gotten yourself into? I hope that the dragon succumbs to his silver tongue! :)
Cliffhanger - I await the awesome conclusion!
Yay! :)
@Jacky2734:
VastaKustutaYou'll see. =)
@Dusklight:
The cliffhanger probably comes as a surprise, considering the episodic nature of this story so far. Hopefully not an unpleasant surprise.
Next chapter will be up sometime next week, most likely. Possibly even this week.
I hope everyone was okay with having to reread Chapter 4. I'm sure you'll agree that it's much better now, though. I even added Spike in, Nintyuk (you were right that he should have had a scene)!
I want to try not to do that sort of thing too much in the future, so if chapters are a little slower to come out from now on, know that it's because of quality control.
Another chapter! Well, let's see what we can say...
VastaKustutaThe first little section was nice. Not the most gripping dream-sequence-remembering-thing I've read, but it did its job. And the way it ended reminded me of how the show does its pre-intro bits.
Interesting stuff about the NLR. Some of the exposition the farming family gave was a bit too info-heavy for my tastes, but it was no major issue.
Glad to see that White's magic is coming back. His name, by the way, is interesting; it would seem to run counter to Sibwashie's goal of increasing communication between the peoples of the world. I wonder if that'll end up being foreshadowing...
Anyways, looking forward to reading the next bit. This story's tone has always been an interesting one: it's very grounded yet simultaneously oldschool fantasy adventuresque.
Oh, and by readable, I just meant that your word choices and structure make things very clear - which is by no means a simple feat, actually! (If I were to play with words, I'd say that your syntax lent itself to your semantics most efficaciously)
Minor Stuff
"getbigger" - needs a space.
@eznpony
VastaKustutaNot at all! Sometimes a good cliffhanger is just what a story needs!
I really loved what you done with the cutie-mark related Unicorn magic specialities! It makes perfect sense in light of the fact that because Twilight's special talent is Magic, she is consequently proficient in all cantripes and spells whereas other ponies special talents dictates the focus area of their magic. In this case - White Noise's ingenious conjuration of the fire-retardent foam as words. Great concept and exceptionally well thought-out! :)
The dragon failing to negotiate further indicates a dark intent as does the use of magic... Hmmm... I love mysteries!
And I just thought that I should mention Luna's... ROYAL CANTERLOT VOICE! Yay! :)
Sweet! :)
I like that White Noise is a magic hacker. It's a fun concept to play with.
VastaKustutaThe mystery of the dragons thickens, and now odd behavior seems to have spread to the Everfree. Well. I wonder how all these events are linked...
The scene in which Sibwashie stopped rhyming was quite powerful.
And the Lunar Republic business continues. Surely, something strange is happening with that.
Anyways, great chapter! Seems like more fantasy/adventure elements are coming in (the oranges, f'rinstance); I'm looking forward to seeing where all this goes.
@Overlong Analysis Cobalt:
VastaKustutaThanks for the comments, and for that catch.
@Dusklight:
In my estimation, the special talent-magic relationship is basically canon. In Boast Busters, Spike mentioned how most unicorns only have one or two spells, relevant to their special talent, and Twilight has a whole bunch because her special talent is magic ("for gameplay reasons", to quote Friendship is Dragons).
Magic hacking might not be quite as canon, but it fits in and makes sense to me. I'll probably extrapolate on my theories about magic later on in the story, as situations arise.
ROYAL CANTERLOT VOICE is rather fun to write. I had to do some research on the "thee"s and "thou"s - hope I got it right.
@Overlong Analysis Cobalt:
I'm glad you thought that scene was powerful; it's one I've been planning since I came up with his character.
The thing I really like about the FiM universe, and indeed, a large part of why I'm writing this fic is that you CAN do this sort of fantasy/grounded thing, and it WORKS.
Equestria has manticores and DJs. Princesses and a fashion industry. Ancient magic and school plays about dancing food. It even has cowponies!
The world of the show is my favourite kind of world to write in, because it combines the high adventure of fantasy settings with the familiarity and relate-ability of more modern settings. Much of my (unreleased) original fiction is set in similar worlds.
Hey!
VastaKustutaI must say that the wait was really worth it as this was another wonderful chapter!
I enjoyed the interaction between Sibashwie, his family, White and Sky.
Little Ponli was SOOOOO CUTE!! :)
A dream in which everything collapses and another involving flying through a waterfall... I can't help but feel that they are connected in some way...
Even the dragons' neighbours, the zebra mistrust the dragons. White's quest seems now to be fraught with even more danger.
Onwards to Dragonia!
Uhh ohh, The first signs of dragon hoarding.
VastaKustutaIt wont be long until the growth spurts kick in. And before you know it you will have a Godzilla on the loose.
Hi!
VastaKustutaGreat chapter! The history of the Zebras was really interesting, it is definitely for the best that people think about what they say rather than speak brashly.
I'm sure that Luna will make the right choice.
Also... MELVIN!
Thanks!
Decided to get a Google profile for commenting here.
VastaKustuta@Dusklight
Thanks!
I'm excited for the Dragonia chapters (which are coming up pretty soon). I've got plans for them that have been stewing in my mind for nearly six months now.
@Nintyuk
Not to give spoilers, but, pretty much this, yeah.
@Dusklight
I should mention that a lot of my zebra history was based on Zulu history - especially Shaka Zulu's conquests. The bull-and-horns formation actually exists.
I can't even tell you how much fun it is to write about Melvin. He is quite the character.
...Yes
VastaKustutaAnother great chapter!
VastaKustutaIt was good to gain further insight into the situation of Zebrica and how some entities are abusing the situation for personal gain.
I enjoyed the inclusion of the Beneviolet lore!
I loved the part when Sky tried to cause a rhyming fail!
Quite a twist there with White's magic! His new abilites are quite intriguing.
Hopefully Mr Drifter will point them in the right direction, being a cartographer and all. :)
Thanks!
@Dusklight
VastaKustutaI'm glad you enjoyed it!
It's A Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door is a great fic and I couldn't resist this opportunity to reference it with Beneviolets.
Chapter 11 will be rather shorter than this, so with any luck you guys won't have to wait another month for it to come out.
And at last, the gate to Dragonia is opened...
VastaKustutaA very unique chapter, this is. It was great for the travellers to meet Venkra and not a mean dragon. :)
I like how you've assigned the different coloured flames, different abilities, it adds quite the richness.
Quite a twist there, having to meet the dragon king... I'm sure, though, that White will have the requisite eloquence.
Thanks!
I'm a proud Solar Democrat.
VastaKustutaNOOOOOOO! Its finished? It was such a good story. ;-;
VastaKustutaAre you making a sequel?