[Shipping]
Author: cursormortis
Description: Twilight's been acting a bit strange recently. What might it mean? And how does Applejack feel about that?
I Kissed a Mare
I Kissed a Mare Part 2
I Kissed a Mare Part 3
I Kissed a Mare Part 4
I Kissed a Mare Part 5 (New!)
Additional Tags: I hate the term fillyfooler
63 comments:
Reminds me of the Artist week thing that had Pinkie make out with Twilight with Twilight's reaction being, why did I like it?
ReplyDeleteTwiJack? K. *reads*
ReplyDeleteAt least its a better term than Paedofoalia...-shudder-
ReplyDeleteThis one.
ReplyDeleteWith that aside, I'm adding this to the list of fics to read now, it has been a long time since I've seen this ship.
I'm about mid-ways through and my only complaint is it seems to be a bit rushed. Although, a lot of ship fics seem rushed. <.<
ReplyDelete...And I liked it! Tasted like a cherry chapstick...
ReplyDeleteAnother LGBT propaganda on my EqD?
ReplyDeleteThat was good, so far. Short, simple, not too complex. 4/5 so far and if you handle the ending properly it might be 5/5.
ReplyDeleteDon't see a lot of Applespark fics (or pics), which is a shame. Adding this one into my long list of fics to read.
ReplyDeleteWow, Big Mac. You sure are helpful.
ReplyDeletePotential here. Not mind-blowing, but most things aren't. Still, one to wacth I reckon, could easily turn amazing if done right
ReplyDeleteThis was rather good. I accidentally let out a little whine once I realized there wasn't any more.
ReplyDeleteOops, I derp'd slightly. Watch*
ReplyDeleteokay, *reading*
ReplyDeletedammit, now i want more...
@Shade Weaver
ReplyDeletePedofoalia is not a legitimate term for sexual attraction to underage equines. The correct term is Foalaphilia.
@Jelfes
That is awesome.
@root
It's not propaganda and it's not your EqD.
I hate the term fillyfooler too!
ReplyDeleteFillyFooler is better than FillyFlasher, because FillyFlasher makes no sense what-so-ever in this context.
ReplyDeleteWould you prefer Mare-Muncher?
ReplyDeleteOh... Oh god that was horrible.
I'm so so sorry... I'll go commit seppuku now...
This is a solid piece of work right here.
ReplyDeleteThe right font has been used along with good spacing.
The content is also good as well.
4/5
Both ny favourite characters so... I guess I'll read it
ReplyDelete@Dusty the Royal Janitor No, I would prefer fillyfooler...yeesh!
ReplyDeleteNo Fluttershy! Don't tell her!
ReplyDeletePoor Fluttershy...
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HJEOv7-8b4E
ReplyDeleteending is relevant
Ok, this one has gotten a lot of praise but...
ReplyDeleteI don't want to be mean, just truthful. This story, it didn't have much too it at all. It was downright generic to a tee, so much so I couldn't even finish it. There's no hook to it, and outside of the fact that in this story's canon hetero is normal, there's nothing to separate this from hundreds of other shipping fics.
Is it a BAD effort? Not as such. But I can't in good faith praise it either.
Thanks to everyone for reading and rating.
ReplyDeleteroot: Don't like it, don't read it. I promise it's not propaganda, though. I'm not nearly that wily.
Dusty: Yes, as that would at least make sense. Seriously, where does fillyfooler even come from?
Melodia: Meh. It won't be everyone's cup of tea, and I appreciate the feedback. I know I'm not exactly breaking new ground here. I am having fun, however, and I think the next chapter or two might be a little less vanilla (or maybe not; I'm not well-versed in shipping tropes and cliches). Either way, I hope you haven't written if off quite yet.
To everyone else, please keep commenting and critiquing. I'm a big boy, I can take anything you can dish out, and it'll help me figure out what I might or might not be doing wrong.
@root
ReplyDeletemy comment on your chapstick comment...
Its not cherry... Its apple chapstick
First off, I love the title. It's fantastic~
ReplyDeleteOkay, so far I like the story. Yes, there's a few problems, but I ain't talkin about them yet. I like the fact AJ isn't all "Ew, no! Gross." or "Yes, I must have you now!" She's undecided about Twilight. And I like that. Far too many ships (anything I've ever written included) have the two characters secretly lurv each other. And then one finally admits it and bam! They're making babies (which is fairly hard to do with two mares). As of now, the story could go either way. What I see happening is AJ trying it out with Twilight, but it not working right.
And now for the bad. It felt rushed. This happens to everyone, and it can be fairly hard to avoid. I like the fact that you never actually showed the whole "I like her" conversations (as those tend to get bland. Plus whenever the author leaves something up to the imagination of the read, it usually turns out well. Detail's good, but it can ruin a story for a reader at times). However, because you did this, the story feels incomplete. We get a few paragraphs of AJ and Rarity, and then BAM! We're with Twilight.
That's my only major complaint. I mean, there doesn't seem to be a lot of emotion on Twilight's part, but that's part of the charm. We get to see what AJ is thinking, and the Twilight bits are just to continue the story.
Anyways, so far I like it. I'm curious to see what happens. I'm reserving a rating until it's complete.
Also, in response to your comment: Good! There's not point to writing a fic if it isn't fun. Some of the best work comes from an author just having fun~
A very promising start. It feels true to the characters and is an interesting twist on ideas brought up in certain episodes. I love Applejack's uncertainty and hope it stretches out for a while longer.
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to next chapter.
>Additional Tags: I hate the term fillyfooler
ReplyDelete-Bah ? It's merely a general term to designate a mare loving a mare, in MLP:FiM. Nothing special.
''Fillyfooler'', ''Fillylover'', whatever... Mmh, though ''Fillylover'' sounds a bit better, maybe a bit less negative too than the other one (because of the -fooler part).
>“I suppose you could pick up whatever apples don’t fall in the barrel, and maybe magic some down for me. I dunno if that’ll speed things up enough, though.”
-Twilight is able to lift the apples of like 10+ trees all by herself... but, I guess AJ just doesn't want her to use TOO much magic on the farm ?
>I suppose I need to see what goes well with hats, she thought, smiling.
-Try hot sauce, it's a 'Pinky Recommendation'. ;)
@Hawkysu
ReplyDelete>They're making babies (which is fairly hard to do with two mares).
-Heh, not 'THAT' much. A hint of science and some right magic, and there you go.
Drunkershy! Me Gusta.
ReplyDeleteDrunk Fluttershy. Well, at least she is a happy drunk and not a AngerShy or FlutterBitch Drunk.
ReplyDeleteAnd poor Applejack. Not only did Pinkie get probably at least half of the entire town drunk with her farms own alcohol she has no idea what to do about Twilight or her feelings.
I wonder where Rainbow Dash is in all of this though? Oh well where ever she is, I bet she is happy not being the shipping fodder this time.
flutterdrunk is freaking adorable /)^3^(\
ReplyDeletesomeone draw a picture of her for the next drawfriend XD
i might have a shot myself too :D
*Pouts* Well, the chapter was fairly short in Trevor's opinion, but it DID update fairly quickly, so Trevor will not complain. Trevor would rather have consistent updates, even if shorter, rather than longer chapters that are erratically updated. So for that, at least, Trevor thanks you. PLEASE keep writing!
ReplyDelete~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria
I reallly try to shy away from stories that ship together the mane six. But, this story was very well written and had the personalities spot on. Excellent work.
ReplyDelete@Nova25
ReplyDeleteI hate the term because, as I said in a previous comment, it doesn't make any sense to me. I can't see an equivalent term for it to be based off, like I can for bucking or foalish (incidentally, I'm also not fond of foalish but that's because I see its meaning as being closer to childish than foolish). As for Twilight's magic, we'll say that AJ prefers things done the traditional way. I think that'll patch the plot hole well enough.
@OminousBrony
I don't plan on using Rainbow Dash. My personal feelings about her aside, I just don't see where she'd be necessary or useful. That may change in a later chapter, but I'd prefer to keep the cast small.
@The GREAT and POWERFUL Trevor
I will definitely keep writing, and I hope to put chapters out at a rate of 1 per week until it's done. Right now I've got a couple that I'm editing/revising that work as a buffer in case I fall behind on my writing, so the next updates should come more or less "on time."
Again, thanks to everyone for reading, reviewing, rating, etc.
This is...pretty good. I think it's relying on slightly out-of-genre tropes a bit too much right now, but it does have potential. I do like the "2nd person crush" perspective, but it is leaving Twi a little underdeveloped in our eyes.
ReplyDeleteI like fillyfooler, but only as a default to not hating it for the reasons you do. I support terms that aren't based on our terms, due to the fact that their language is not our language, their culture is not our culture, so why should they have developed the same words? I mean, "everypony" came a bit out of nowhere from our perspective. It makes sense, and we happen to have a bit of a corollary, but we no longer refer to a person as a body apart from our use of "everybody" and the like. Corollaries are not necessities to prove the practicality of a word in their universe.
I do agree with you on the other point about it's meaning, a little, but I could see a few mares trying to save face in their social spheres from homophobes by claiming they're "just fooling around with fillies, is that so wrong?" "Oh, yeah, just a little fillyfooling. Right." And the sarcasm doesn't last long, and the term becomes serious.
Anyways, I'll be reading, good luck!
AJ, honey, your friends are grown mares. They can take care of themselves.
ReplyDelete@Shade Weaver I always preferred "foal-fiddler" for that sort of thing. Sounds less like a forced pun. ...dear Luna, why do I have enough time to think of this stuff? I should read more fics to correct that issue!
ReplyDeleteOk, I'm enjoying the story so far. I'll admit this isn't anything special as far as shippings go, but its not bad.
ReplyDeleteOh, goody. Twi doesn't remember the kiss, Fluttershy doesn't KNOW about the kiss, and AJ was to caught up in the kiss to realize that Fluttershy broke a promise. ...but technicly, if Twi had already kissed AJ at this point (and she had), was the promise really broken?
ReplyDelete*Shakes Magic 8-ball*
"All signs point to NO"
Aww Fluttershy did not deserve that, stupid alcohol making everything so complicated
ReplyDeleteGreat story, I like how AJ reacts to her friends getting drunk of their flank
sigh...so long but only a few small paragraphs in chapter three? gawd -.-
ReplyDeleteI don't like the term 'fillyfooler' either. It just comes off as offensive, like the mare is somehow tricking other mares into dating her.
ReplyDeleteAs a derogatory term, it works quite well.
ReplyDelete@root
ReplyDeleteHmm... Lets see here... "Another LBGT propaganda on my EqD?"
There is only ONE male in the ENTIRE SERIES that people usually enjoy paring, and otherwise it all ends up being L. Also, it is not "propaganda". If it was that, then there would be alot more hints at being so. Honestly, I find it offensive that you think that someone else's story is "propaganda". I am certain that the author appreciates you calling their piece of work "propaganda". Maybe someone needs to teach you how to love+tolerate more.
I like this story. A lot of ship fics have both parties simultaneously discovering they love each other, like "bam!", so it's nice to see Applejack actually wrestling with how exactly she feels about Twilight. Also, drunk!Fluttershy was hilarious.
ReplyDeleteI don't like "fillyfooler" much either. It does sort of fit in with the pun-tastic nature of the show, though. I can't guarantee that I'd never use the term in a story, but it seems like there must be something better . . . Fillyflasher doesn't make any sense since all the ponies are naked anyway. They're flashing EVERYONE!
@iczer6, I think the implication is "fooling around with fillies", not trickery, but I can see where it would come across that way.
As always, thanks to everyone for reading, reviewing, etc.
ReplyDelete@starcat5
Reread the end of Chapter 2. Fluttershy knows. I'd love to say more, but then I'd probly give away bits of Chapter 4.
@Runeplay2
Actually, I'm slightly flattered. A good propagandist is worth their weight in gold. Not that I'm good or a propagandist, but I'm sure you get the point.
@iczer6
ReplyDeleteYou obviously don't get the context, then. It's not fooling as in "tricking" or deceit or duplicity of any form. It's fooling under the understanding of playing around, goofing off, 'horsing around' as it were. Essentially the most offensive thing you could take from 'Fillyfooler' is that the mares aren't serious with one another.
I mean, we've got 'Coltcuddler' for the guys.
And Root, the 1930s called, they said it's lonely under the rock.
Misharra, foal = child. Foal-fiddler = Pedophile. Filly/Colt = Juvenile, be it teenaged/young adult. Mare/Stallion = Mature adult. Beyond that, Filly and Colt are used much like "Girl" and "Boy", almost as a substitute for gender for nouns rather than a specific age group.
To Cursor, even if it is rushed, considering we're basically looking over AJ's shoulder for a good bit of it, I approve. Instead of just sitting out here droning over words it intuits a certain immersion factor, like we're bouncing around in her head for the ride. Which fits, given that AJ seems too addled by the suddenness of the big change and inability to easily cope... and Twilight seems to be just discovering the whole thing herself, and caught up in the rampant emotions; which also handily explains why she's just so pointedly -there- with her feelings for AJ.
That said, take my stars and go places with them.
Let's see...
ReplyDelete"The Art of Romance"
"Birds and Bees: Miracles of Life"
"Making Magic with Your Horn"
Hmm...nothing sexual about the last two books at all, but they give me a feeling that Twilight wants to hit a home-run before getting a single.
Although I hope Twilight will find happiness, with or without AJ, I don't know whether a relation between Twilight and AJ can work out,
ReplyDeleteNevertheless, I enjoyed reading your fanfic. Clearly written, and in my humble opinion you're doing a fine job in setting out all the dilemmas that come along with relationships. Both Twilight and AJ are struggling with what is going on, with the one being afraid not being accepted and the other not knowing how to deal with the issue. Of course alcohol complicates all - as it does too many times - but well, it's all part of the game.
So, looking forward to the next chapter!
Enjoying the story a lot, plus you are the first author I've seen who knows how to spell 'mite', which gets you big bonus points!
ReplyDelete@cursormortis
ReplyDeleteWell, Fluttershy knows NOW, but at the time of the arguement, she did not have access to that memory. My statement stands as accrate at that time.
Also, Rarity is once again lost in her own little world. If I wasn't such a ravid Rarity/Spike shipper, I'd smack her upside the horn over this.
*spoiler alert*
ReplyDeleteFate often has a wry sense of humor.
...
*end of spoiler*
And I just thought of a funny name for this couple: Sparkling Apple cider. he he.
I'm sorry, I honestly tried to stay hooked to the story, but the writing is just completely uninteresting for me.
ReplyDeleteits no twiXdash but yes more of this pleas
ReplyDeleteUpdate please? :)
ReplyDeleteWhere is the next chapter? :(
ReplyDeleteDang. You've just got to continue this story! It's one of the best written and most believable shipping stories I've ever read. Not to mention the super rare Applejack/Twilight ship. Please consider continuing. I have your story bookmarked and will check back often.
ReplyDeleteit looks like this ship has sailed. perhaps she will return one day
ReplyDeleteYeah, I dislike the term fillyfooler too. It reminds me of pedos.
ReplyDelete