[Adventure][Normal]
Author: Squeak
Description: The earth spun through space. Basking in the light of the sun on one side, and of the moon on the other. The eternal dance playing out as it had for untold years. The sun roaring and bright, the moon cold and aloof, while the earth sat in between, bustling with life and growth. Below on the expansive surface of the world, in a country, in a village, in a house by the forest a yellow pegasus walked out the door to check on her animals. She was not particularly brash, nor brave, or all that strong of will. And the day was not of particular importance. Still, on that unimportant day, the unassuming pony would uncover a long held secret.Gaia Part 1
Gaia Part 2
Gaia Part 3
Gaia Part 4
Gaia Part 5
Gaia Part 6 (New!)
Gaia (All Links)
Additional Tags: Mr. Breezy, Smooze,
42 comments:
Looks like a good fic, shall read
ReplyDeleteInteresting description, doesn't give too much of a clue what its about though.
ReplyDeleteAlso Additional tags: Mr.Breezy? thats the first time i've seen him mentioned.
All I know is that that image is beautiful, and that fic looks good.
ReplyDeleteAdditional Tags: Smooze?
ReplyDeleteInteresting.
I read the first chapter, and it was quite well-written. Vivid descriptions, interesting characterization, but a few errors, though sparse: Angel was spelled as Angle being the most prevalent.
ReplyDelete... ... Smooze.
ReplyDeleteOh, my. We're in trouble. Nopony seems to have 'utter flutter', although I was never clear on what that was.
Best guess, a very narrow window to assemble the Elements. There'll be obstacles. Possibly portals of one sort or another will be involved. Also possible, the flight spell.
Awesome to see someone used the peacepony ponification!
ReplyDeleteDefinitely on my reading lsit.
Okay, so, I'm guessing that pretty much everybody here has figured out now that Angel's little game of charades means that Flower is Gaia or the Spirit of the Earth or something.
ReplyDeleteSo now the question is... how long until the elements become the planeteers and summon Captain Planet to fight the pollution powers of the Smooze? :D
As humans, we all have a fear of losing our individuality, so I'm not sure if I want to continue reading.
ReplyDelete(Spoiler)
ReplyDeleteHeh. Kinda feel sorry for Mr. Breezy. I don't think he's ever played much of a part in a fanfic before and here, in the first one he plays any sort of role in, he immediately gets offed and his body used as a puppet for the smooze...
Kinda sad, really. Somebody should do a fanfc about Mr. Breezy
hmm.. the first chapter seemed interesting though the mention of smooze is a bit disheartening... Oh well, so far reading hasn't killed me so i might as well finish reading it.
ReplyDeleteConfound that last chapter, now I want more.
ReplyDeleteThis is a story full of adorable! In a familiar vein of other stories that are great. For some reason, Iron Giant comes to mind, though there are obvious difference. ET and stuff and so on.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I was never much a fan of ET for whatever reason, but I AM way enjoying this fic.
Fluttershy and Flower are a tag team of d'aww, and the omenious *thing* hinted at really ramps up the tension.
Even thought the story is still just starting, I know it's going to be an awesome ride!
Oh, dear. This is about the Third Princess, isn't it? And here, I thought this was my idea.
ReplyDeleteInteresting. I think that is the word that best describes this fic. Though I'm curious as to how Angel knows who Gaia (I assume that's her name) is. I love it when people take old ideas and make them much more intimidating and cool.
ReplyDeleteI like this story. Wonder what that "It" is up to.
ReplyDeleteSqueak please continue this one. I know you have a lot of WIPs but don't abandon this one D:
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to more eventually!
@Darkdrium
ReplyDeleteDon't worry! I haven't abandoned any of my stories, and I won't. You'll have a new chapter tomorrow or the day after
3 WEEKS LATER
ReplyDeleteHAZA
(update on fimfiction)
It's been far too long since I've seen this updated. I'm a little surprised that there are as many grammatical and punctuation errors as there are in this fiction, but I'm enjoying it immensely nevertheless.
ReplyDeleteHmpf...another silly fic were one of the main cast gets picked of ridiculously easy.
ReplyDeleteIt's good to see that this is still alive. I see it as having quite a lot of potential.
ReplyDeleteI'm looking forward to future updates
Wow, this is really good. Great story so far. I'm very glad I decided to give it a read.
ReplyDeleteAaaaaaand suddenly this story got upsetting and uncomfortable.
ReplyDelete(Spoiler)
So far it seems to have been suggested that when the smooze infects its victims then they die. With Mr. Breezy I felt rather sympathetic but wasn't exactly upset given the fact that he's had almost no bearing on anything ever really. But now, well... if these suggestions are correct, you just killed Twilight.
Now, while I won't say that you CAN'T kill a main character in the story, I have to admit that it's particularly infuriating that there is no Grimdark label on the story. Assuming Twilight is indeed dead, then, well... you NEED one. You're roping people into a story where they'll end up reading something that they don't want to see and that's just dirty.
Now this of course assumes Twilight is indeed dead and not just possessed, but given the things that we've seen that Squirrel and Mr. Breezy do, it seems more than likely that they are dead. If not, however, then it's still a little upsetting that Twilight managed to go down so easily.
I'm not averse to death in most stories. I'm a HUGE fan of things like Mortal Kombat and Buffy the Vampire Slayer and other things where death happens all the time, but I read ponies to unwind with something light and happy. And when I'm roped into a story where there will be a main cast death with no warning I tend to get pissed off.
Please either add a grimdark tag or better explain what the Smooze is supposed to be doing.
(/spoiler)
Now... that little rant over the story is very well composed and the premise is very interesting. This is very well written. That doesn't make it any less of an entrapment, though...
Thanks for all the comments everyone! Glad you're enjoying the story so far!
ReplyDelete@Sumo Unicorn
(Spoiler)
Sorry if that was rather shocking, but I have something in mind for this particular plot thread. I don't want to reveal too much, but let's just say things might not be as grim as they seem. I simply set out to tell a fairy tale of sorts, I don't think it deserves a grimdark tag, while that element was rather dark the general tone of the story is not one of darkness. I really do apologize if you felt upset or entrapped by that part of the story, but keep reading. I promise you won't be disappointed.
**spoiler alert**
ReplyDeletewell i agree with sumo unicorn a bit here, if they really do 'die' from the smooze then this kinda should have somekind of tag for that, sure enough it's not very graphic so maybe not a grimdark tag, but unless they are suppose to be "let go" later on again then i definetly think this should have at least a dark or light-grimdark tag... as for twilight i really hope that sumo is wrong, she's my favorite character and i'm not a big fan of grimdark so i really hope she's not dead, or corruptet for long...
**END spoiler alert**
well written story, i really like the characterization of flower.
@Squeak
do you have any "plans" as for how long this story is going to be yet? and how often do you generaly update?
considering the first comment on the story is sept 11th and there's 4 chapters so far i assume about 1 chapter per 2 weeks?
@Wento
ReplyDeleteWell, like I really can't tell you that kind of info without giving spoilers. So I'll just say not to worry, this story will not be heading into grimdark territory.
In anycase, glad you enjoyed it! Hopefully you continue to do so. And I'm happy Flower comes off well. I try to make her fairly likable.
As for updates, sometimes you'll get two in one week, others about 1 every two weeks. But I'd say 1 every two weeks at absolute minimum.
@Squeak
ReplyDeleteI don't mind at all when Mane 6 characters get killed. Heck, the only reason Discord didn't is because, well... he doesn't even turn ponies into stone, after all! Most of them are actually quite feeble compared to powerful beings. And an especially strong, evil creature would take out the strongest first; obviously this is Twilight.
No, my only objection is that I FRIGGIN HATE THE SMOOZE!!! I hated that awful movie so much that anything from it immediately causes a flux of bile to gush up my throat!
That being said, if you obliterate the Smooze completely at the end, I will read that part with great satisfaction! :3
Anypony else think this should be labeled as Grimdark?
ReplyDelete@Musicwizard13 Nope.
ReplyDeleteGrim-Light maybe, but there's nothing graphic enough to warrant Grimdark. If Squeak spent a few paragraphs detailing the "pain" and "torture" of the ponies being consumed, then that'll be a case for changing the tags.
Saying that though, the 'official' definition does say "anything involving death". I reckon that should be "graphic death" though, as funeral stories (for example) aren't necessarily grim or dark.
Whoops! I gotta stop moaning about Grimdark in story comments. DX
Mr. Breezy! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
ReplyDelete*singing* NOTHING CAN STOP THE SMOOOOOOZEEE!!
ReplyDeletejust finished reading the first four chapters and the first thought to cross my mind was "gonna bookmark this one".
ReplyDeletedefinitely an interesting idea and i am looking forward to see where this ends up.
keep it up!
Alright. You guys straightened me out. Thank you. I would just like to say that this story is my favorite and the only reason that I check the story updates every time they come out. :D
ReplyDelete@Squeak
ReplyDeleteAre you still alive?
because it's been almost a month and a half with no update :/ And judging from your last reply then you didn't seem to be on the verge of dropping it anytime soon, care to let us know what's going on?
I am alive!
ReplyDeleteJust busy, update soon I promise.
I am going to cry if this doesn't get updated soon. Definitely my absolute favorite!
ReplyDeleteThere's an update...I just haven't uploaded it here yet:
ReplyDeletewww.fimfiction.net/user/Squeak-anon
@Squeak Twilight's fading? That thing is destroying her? Which means it killed that other pony. *glows with rage* It.. killed... a Pony... *all matter nearby flees in innate fear as his rage begins to contort space-time in impossible ways* It will be erased from reality itself...
ReplyDeleteIt's a great story, but I really shouldn't have read this now yet. Dark and immersive, and, looking at this cliffhanger...
ReplyDeleteGood god! That was way more grimdark than I was expecting from something with a normal tag. It was like I suddenly wandered into a murder/mind-rape fic... I'm sorry, but I don't think I can finish this one.
ReplyDeleteGah, I just gotta know what happens next! Please tell me this is still updating! Twilight doesn't deserve to end on such a dark cliffhanger...
ReplyDeleteAlso, on that note, perhaps this fic should be tagged as [Dark]?