[Comedy]
Author: The Descendant
Description: Whilst enjoying the company of Twilight Sparkle and her friends in the doughnut shop immediately following the events of The Best Night Ever a disappointed Princess Celestia send a letter off to Prince Blueblood explaining the implications of his failure of the "Rarity Test", among other things...Dear Idiot
Additional Tags: "Starring Charlie Sheen as Blueblood!
78 comments:
That tag.
ReplyDeleteCharlie Sheen huh? Must read.
ReplyDeleteNever did like Blueblood. The Gala was a good excuse for his free trip to the moon.
ReplyDelete(That aside will give this a read.)
oh god that tag XD
ReplyDeleteSo, Equestria has an embarrassing minor member of it's royal family too? Thank god, I thought it was just us.
ReplyDeleteYes "Fergie", I'm talking about you.
I thought it was really funny, but not really anything I can actually imagine Celestia saying.
ReplyDeleteCHARLIE SHEEN!?
ReplyDeleteWINNING!
This was a brilliant and entertaining read. Celestia has a tongue sharper than Wolverine's claws.
ReplyDeleteRead this a while back. Celestia writing a rant while drunk off doughnuts was a really funny viewpoint to get behind, though the author does well to lace her words with bitter disappointment and genuine emotion rather than simply bashing Blueblood. It's definitely comedic but it really stands up as a piece of literature as well. Very high quality work here.
ReplyDeleteI read it, it felt far too out of character for Celestia even annoyed as she was it isn't anything i could imagine her saying.
ReplyDeleteThat said it gave me a laugh, was pretty damn well witten and overall it was good.
I rated it four stars.
@Trollestia
ReplyDeleteI think you're being a bit uncharitable, to be quite honest. Celestia is, at most, a background character, so we haven't seen too much of her. But we have seen that she has a very playful and prankish side to her (see, in particular, 'A Bird in the Hoof'). I could easily see her taking this reaction to a fool she's decided to no longer suffer gladly.
Anyway, this piece is great just for the word "geoculturalist" alone. ^_^
Damn straight, Celestia, damn straight.
ReplyDeleteAnd a good read too.
thats was incredibly good
ReplyDelete*slow clap*
ReplyDeleteKinda scattered across the emotional spectrum. revolted, then sadness, then pity, back to loathing, more pity, another bit more of revolted, shame, and then a bit of optimism. Kind of all over the place, but I guess the doughnuts kinda justify that.
ReplyDeleteThe tag alone was worth the read. Well played.
ReplyDelete@ShadeTail
ReplyDeleteI wasn't trying to say i didn't enjoy it, i laughed and it was funny and well written, it just felt out of character and thats not always necessarily a bad thing.
'That mountain is very dear to me!'
ReplyDeleteLoved it.
...
ReplyDeleteColt just got BURNED!
wow This is pretty old. A great read I will enjoy once again, but still its been around awile.
ReplyDeletethis is one of the greatest pieces of pony based literature ever written. you sir are a god among ponies.
ReplyDeleteDAMN! Celestia drunk on doughnuts is the most awesome Celestia ever. I give this 5 stars.
ReplyDeleteoooooh, foal got burned.
ReplyDeleteOh my god, this is hilarious! I absolutely loved reading through this, there were so many lines that made me laugh out loud. Celestia has one sharp tongue...
ReplyDeleteAdmittedly this is probably pretty out of character for Celestia, but we've seen so little of her anyway it hardly matters. Besides, this version of Celestia is awesome.
It ascribed behaviors I find hard to believe him engaging in.
ReplyDeleteI mean seriously, the amount of unladylike behavior described just doesn't sound like Blueblood.
Most eligible bachelor?
ReplyDeleteFucks self instead
WTF is wrong with those donuts!
ReplyDeleteI would be very interested in a sequel that details Blueblood's Redemption.
ReplyDeleteHmmm, I would have really liked to see Blueblood's face melt when he read that.
ReplyDeleteThe power of the doughnuts should be feared, especially in the hooves of an eternal god.
Run while you can.
anybody else here read that one in a deep man's voice with a british accent that says "i am not amused"?
ReplyDeleteBrilliant piece, The snark and humour was not only well crafted, but well timed, especially in the way that you used paragraph breaks to time Celestia's barbs. Particularly with the "mountain" crack.
ReplyDeleteThe fact that you manage describe the expected duties of Royal Prince and Celestia's relationship with Blueblood when he was a little foal actually empowers the comedy of the piece. Giving some genuine emotion to Celestia's anger doesn't really take from the comedy at all as much as it makes me side with her completely.
Oddly enough though I'm now interested in the idea of 'Princess Rarity' or Sir Joe, first Duke of Doughnutonshire.
That was fucking awesome.
ReplyDelete"That was fucking awesome. "
ReplyDeleteQuoted for truth. xD
I hope Celestia is actually like this, because that would be awesome. Blueblood deserves it after all.
ReplyDeleteAs much as a douchebag Prince Blueblood was, that was just mean and not really in character for Celestia, even when having a sugarrush.
ReplyDeleteIt's a revengefic and reads more like a long purple prose version of "I don't like prince Blueblood"
But as far as revengefics go, I guess I can be glad it didn't wind up a la cupcakes...
Hah. This meshes well with an idea I had recently for our dear Prince. I may have to see about contacting the author.
ReplyDeleteHm. I really do feel bad for the bastard now...
ReplyDeleteWell, that's pretty much how I imagined Blueblood, though with less drugs and more racism.
ReplyDeleteMan, what the hell did I just type.
Aaah, I feel much better now <3 That douchebag had it coming. I will save this story, totally worth it!
ReplyDeleteHe was looking at my WHAT?! Oh Nonononono...I..I need ...to take a bath..and nice long bath.*shiver*
ReplyDeleteNot my cup of tea. Not at all.
ReplyDeleteI think CapnChryssalid (on the devart page of the story) is spot on.
Sure Celestia is really OOC, but this writing is just absolutely HILARIOUS. 5 stars, my good man.
ReplyDeleteI really don't think it's that OOC for Celly. We've seen that she has something of a sharp wit and has a playful, pranky side to her. And most fanfictions seem to portray her as kind, but intelligent and firm, and genuinely caring about her subjects... Unless they go the Tyrantlestia route which I tend to disagree with as a whole...
ReplyDeleteBut you put all those aspects together and then give her someone she's forced to love as family and forced to put up with as a member of the royal court, but make him someone she doesn't exactly "like" much; someone who just insulted a friend and national hero and is actually just as responsible as anypony else for destroying the biggest party of the year; somepony she is sick of putting up with day after day but wishes would turn his ways around...
Frankly? I see this as perfectly in character. And hilarious to boot. 5 stars. Pure gold. I laughed my flank off.
I can't get into it. I kinda like Blueblood. And I like Celestia a lot. It doesn't really click with me as fair representation of either character.
ReplyDeleteCelestia noooooooo!!!!
ReplyDeletePrincess please reconsider, he doesn't deserve those doughnuts.
The twenty seven seconds joke had me in stitches.
ReplyDeleteCelestia used Epic Letter!
ReplyDeleteIt's super effective!
It's a critical hit!
Idiot Blueblood fainted!
That was harsh. I thought celestia had gone too far for a moment, then thought about how much reason she had. Maybe the author went a bit too far. Blueblood with six venereal diseases? :/
ReplyDelete@banannagram
ReplyDeleteIt was meant to be funny. I don't exactly see how. Would a story in which the author abused Trixie the same way be lauded so much as well? I wonder...
Trixie despite here treatment of 4 of the mane 6 at least *attempted* to fight her corner when her boasting backed her into it. On top of that the gauntlet was thrown down and it was picked up. Blueblood however had no excuse. He acts the part of a noble but has no manners nor seems to have any general code of conduct befiting his place in society. He treated Rarity, a pony he was escorting, like dirt. It's been said somewhere else before but pies were used in a war, so what kind of stupidity would drive him to social suicide by using a lady as a shield against a 3 tier cake?
ReplyDeleteI can't say it was that out of character for how most of us see Celestia, the donuts and sugar merely reduced here inhabitions enough that she commited to paper what she otherwise probably wouldn't of.
@Madfish
ReplyDeleteYes, the cake thing has been said before, and it was as ridiculous then as it is now.
Honestly, if they had used pillows (which are about as dangerous), would that make Look Before You Sleep a genuine shootout? Wouldn't the guards have arrested Applejack for carrying a weapon into a room full of nobles? Pinkie ate a whole cake in a single bite, and Snails managed about a fourth, so wouldn't the two be feared for their ability to almost instantly neutralise arms? The pie=weapon analogy is laughable. After all, it was meant to be exactly that.
Trixie was backed into a corner because she kept lying about herself. Blueblood was a prince who expected to be treated like a princess. In the end she, like Gilda, was not pony enough to admit having been in the wrong. Personally I find her way more deserving of a tongue lashing... Which is not what this story does anyway.
Instead of focussing on Blueblood's actual folleys, we get a cocktail of vices specifically invented for this story. And that is part of what kills it.
Princess Celestia accuses him of being too stupid to count to three, pronounce words with more than one syllable, and being a lecherous drug-addicted drunken fratboy with several STDs. How the heck can anyone get THAT impression from the episode? Blueblood has problems, but its not that he's unsophisticated.
The author claimed he wanted to show the prince as a lost figure, not drag him through the mud. Do you think he succeeded in his stated goal?
Lastly, my initial question still stands. Would a fic that abused Trixie in this way (with caustic insults about trumped-up misdeeds) be lauded so much as well?
So, about halfway through, I started hearing this in GladOS' voice. And that made me really, really, *really* happy. As did the coining of the term "geoculturalist".
ReplyDeleteWouldn't be shocked if you guys missed the Hitchhiker's Guide reference tucked in there, but it's there...Neatly filed away in a manila envelope under "Hamdingers" in a room marked "Beware of Cockatrice."
ReplyDeleteSeriously, people are overthinking this and criticizing it for not being in Celestia's character or not being consistent with canon. Big deal. If there's one thing the author succeeds at, it's compensating for the canonical detraction with straight up humor and clever geeky references.
"I was so worried...I loved that mountain!"
And you guys say 'out of character' like it's a bad thing. Of course Celestia would NEVER say that, but it would be epic if she did. And that's the key phrase here: "If she did." Not all fan fics have to be 100% loyal to the source material, ya know. Especially (ESPECIALLY!) if it carries the comedy tag.
Anyone realize that Blueblood might not actually as rich as he seems?
ReplyDeleteAnd that he might act as he does to make himself look more important then he is?
For all we know he can hardly afford having his suit cleaned after the cake incident and his grooming might've actually put a significant dent in his wallet. He wasn't even willing to pay for food.
There are probably tons of Unicorns just as closely related to Celestia as he and he's probably only Prince on a technicality, but he emphasizes it to increase his perceived political status.
The thing is, Blueblood only made Rarity angry because HE expected to be treated the way SHE expected to be treated. I thought the gender-reversal of their conflict was highly entertaining. I've wondered if, after Gala, Rarity reflected on what she felt entitled to solely because of her gender.
ReplyDeleteYes, I was just speculating on why.
ReplyDeleteHe might just act like an arrogant douchebag to compensate for the fact that he isn't actually very important. So basically to project the appearance he wants he acts like other ponies should be glad to do things for him.
But in reality he's rather poor and only technically a prince by the loosest definitions and has been trying to emphasize this and his distant relations to Celestia to increase his political status.
Based on this letter, I'm betting Pony Joe's donuts have a secret ingreedient. That might explain Princess Celestia's unusual tone! XD
ReplyDelete@SprintF: I must respectfully disagree. I doubt Rarity would literally spit out someone's offering of a snack, nor would she deliberately use someone else as a shield against being smeared by a cake (for example).
ReplyDelete@Nickel Gunner
ReplyDeleteWell really he's a one note character for the purposes of a joke in the season one finale, being hectored by a character who occupies a greater place of importance in the show but is almost one-note due to her circumscribed function. At this point I think the characters are as open to interpretation and filling in the gaps as such popular topics as Luna or Derpy.
Though we are talking about a character who's sole defining feature is being a spoiled brat born into wealth. And frankly it's kind of hard for me to understand why people object so vehemently when the author takes that point and runs with it, even exaggerating it for comic effect.
I agree it probably wouldn't have been as well received as say, similar treatment being doled out on Trixie. But I'm mostly basing this on Trixie's relative popularity among the fandom. Plus the kind of archetype Prince Blueblood is based on is exactly the kind of figure that everyone is going to want to see taken down a peg.
I also agree that the author doesn't succeed in portraying Blueblood as being "lost". On that point his work failed. Though as a piece of wonderfully snarky comic writing it holds up quite well on its own.
This is a work of art. I haven't laughed so hard in a very long time.
ReplyDeleteIs it bad when a [Comedy] tagged story makes me sad?
ReplyDeleteWell I just think it would be funny if he was from a rather poor line of nobility that lorded over say, some rock farms for instance.
ReplyDeleteHis being related to Celestia might not be anything special but he may be one of the few with decent evidence of such after researching his family tree or something.
This would make him technically part of the royal family, and the definition of prince is,
noun: a male member of a royal family other than the sovereign (especially the son of a sovereign)
Thus he went from some nobody lord out in the middle of nowhere to being "Prince Blueblood" and his douchebag behavior is his attempt at acting the part. All being painfully exaggerated royal mannerisms including the accent.
With his new technically correct title he hopes to increase his political status and holdings, his whole arrogant act being to get people to try hard to win or buy(Mostly buy, he doesn't have much money actually) his favor.
But all in all it turns out that under his act he can only occasionally afford a decent grooming before each Gala and only has one or two good suits, one of which has been caked. That being why he is so careful of his appearance, something he must maintain in order to look like important royalty.
Celestia tolerates this behavior because overall he's actually good for the land he rules over and puts the favors the other nobles throw at him to good use.
Thoughts?
As a comedy fic it made me laugh several times. Mission accomplished.
ReplyDeleteAs an attempt to be anything deeper, it overblows Blueblood's offenses a bit too much, and frankly uses the wrong set of offenses for him. I think it might have worked better if, instead of drugs and booze, we got more examples of his self-absorbed, pretentious, and cowardly nature (those being the traits shown most prominently in the show.)
Sending guards on a beer run doesn't really fit in with his image. Parading around with them and making them do menial and tedious tasks for him does.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWow. I remember seeing this fic about the time it first came out and while it wasn't completely universally agreed upon, pretty much everyone I showed it to thought it was awesome..
ReplyDeleteI NEVER would have expected that THIS fic, of anything, would cause so much argument.
Oh Bronies... you so silly...
"And you guys say 'out of character' like it's a bad thing. Of course Celestia would NEVER say that, but it would be epic if she did. And that's the key phrase here: "If she did." Not all fan fics have to be 100% loyal to the source material, ya know."
ReplyDeleteI might be wrong about this as it happened when I wasn't here, but wasn't Terra Tumultus taken down for causing too much drama because AJ and Pinkie acted too OOC?
I agree with your point about the merit of some works straying from established canon; And I certainly don't want this (or any other) story deleted, yet can't help but wonder whether the author of that work had been treated fairly.
@Corkscrew
Why not? Enough people like this story, so exploring another route might be worthwhile too.
@Dusty the Royal Janitor
Actually, I'm surprised how many readers like Dear Idiot at all. And I wouldn't exactly call voicing your opinion politely "silly"^^
Well I thought I might as well think up an alternate character interpretation that contradicted most peoples basic assumptions without altering his behavior.
ReplyDeleteFor him to be some just lowly lord in the middle of nowhere who built up his reputation as a Prince and Celestia's nephew many times removed(Mostly on technicalities, most ponies just don't have a complete enough family tree) to increase his political weight is quite different then just being some spoiled brat.
Almost any interpretation can be thought up so I thought mine would do away with the obvious. Now if only I could write...
@ShadeTailOh, I agree. But opening doors, paying for meals, the whole "Sir Walter Raleigh and his cloak" business? Pure female privilege, reversed. I think it's in line with the spirit of the series that the writers want to encourage girls to think and do for themselves, not rely on "the guys" to do things for them.
ReplyDelete@SprintF
ReplyDeleteDo you not remember the beginning of the episode, where she relied on "the guys", in this case two background ponies who are apparently her neighbors, to pull their chariot to the gala? (And, in my head canon, waiting outside by the carriage until they were done?)
Heh. I like to imagine dialog for those two.
ReplyDelete"But great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great grand aunt Celestia!"
"Don't you 'great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great grand aunt Celestia' me. I told you already, no more horn extensions."
"Oh, okayyyy."
"Good. Now give your great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great grand aunt Celestia a hug."
>more in the last year than you've done in your entire miserably misspent life, you sad sack of sod.
ReplyDelete-If it's supposed to be Celestia writting... I will call *complete nonsense* on this.
You remember Celestia ? THE real Celestia I mean, not the *horribly-badly made troll-like* Celestia. Yes, her.
>is the same number of venereal diseases you're currently being cured of
-wow... the spread of nonsense is becoming ticker by the second here...
Clever, subtle, able to make hidden menace skilfully, resourceful, intelligent... CELESTIA ! That one ! Did she go on vacation or something ?
>lay there until you smother to death, you gibbering twit," with a simple, "No"…you gibbering twit.
-You can smell the cleverness and wit of dear old and venerable Royal Princess Celestia... Well, not really...
>from the description of the event and her crippling insanity
-*Boot to the Head*
>each time you chortle your way through its mention I vomit into my own mouth a touch
-...charming...
Seriously... did this author forgot who Celestia was or thought she was a very-bad Internet troll in disguise ? (and here, I'm not talking about ''Trollestia''. <-That version is actually clever and intelligent with words and actions.)
>if you were assaulted and being pummeled mercilessly, that they should take some sudden interest in the local flora and fauna.
-This hardly count as a ''cleverly'' made threat... and only half-subtle.
... I simply can't remember the last story that made me want to skip chunks of text to see if something interesting would to actually happen ? ...
... Hummm ? Where was that ''Comedy'' supposed to be again ? Was it in the poor and/or weak troll-like words coming from ''Celestia'' (I almost think it was in fact not her, but the Evil Pink-Celestia doppelganger...) ? I, honestly, was expecting SOME amount of wits and cleverness from THE millenia old Princess, and not those ''as subtle as a ton of brick'' threats and ''school-bully level'' insults ? This was rather disappointing and could have been handled in a MUCH better way ...
@ShadeTail
ReplyDeleteOh yes, nevermind the several hundreds stories with Celestia in them... it's not like her character (and a few well established variations of her personality) had been constituted by the tens of authors (and many, many fans...) over those last few months...
>she has a very playful and prankish side to her
-Since when ''playful and prankish'' was equal to writting ''weak troll-like'' words and not-subtle-at-all threaths in a letter ?
I liked this a lot....
ReplyDeleteI agree that Celestia is OOC in this fic. However, look up "OOC is serious business" on TVTropes.org and I think it's a reasonable explanation. She's trying to drive home the "shape up" message of the letter, and she's making sure he cannot miss it. Overall, I enjoyed it a lot and will give it 5 stars. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteIs this somewhat OOC? Yes.
ReplyDeleteDid it mention that godawful backstory for Pinkie Pie that I refuse to buy and that I believe is nothing more than a ridiculous fabrication in the mind of everyone's favorite party pony at one small part in this letter? Yes.
In spite of that, is the entire thing still funny? OH, HECK YES!!!
Great story. Very funny.
ReplyDeleteThat line, "That mountain is very dear to me!", made me laugh out loud.
About Celestia being out of character, I think we could assume it's an effect of the doughnuts, as it looks like she's enjoying them in large quantities.
I am taking this as canon. I don't care that it wasn't in the episode, this is perfect.
ReplyDeleteHe is screwed. And he deserves it totally :D
ReplyDelete