[Normal]
Author: Terse
Description: At the height of one of the most diverse, crucial, ground-breaking political summits in Equestrian history, Princess Luna struggles with a series of unfortunate events that end up forcing her hooves in more ways than one. Meanwhile, Twilight Sparkle sees opportunities for learning, and ends up learning far more than she could ever have bargained for!
The Days Just Don't Get Any Shorter Part 1
The Days Just Don't Get Any Shorter Part 2 (New!)
Additional Tags: What Not To Say To Foreigners
22 comments:
Sad Luna. D=
ReplyDeleteSad Luna is sad.
ReplyDeletedont fall!
ReplyDelete"What Not To Say To Foreigners" is a pretty good line of tags, (tagline?) but that was 6, ya dirty cheat!
ReplyDeleteMan Luna looks so sad in that pic I just want to give her a hug.
ReplyDeleteToo schizo. Luna goes from welcoming them as friends to throwing a tantrum at them? Chomp a ritalin, girl, and try again.
ReplyDeleteThis is interesting! It's going to take some seriously imaginative character building to describe all the interactions that will likely happen here. I'm sure you're up for the challenge, Terse, and I'm up for the pleasure of reading it.
ReplyDelete-Moonlight Ballad, Bard of Equestria
I am enjoying this far better than i thought. Cursed full time job leaves little time to read sadly.
ReplyDeletePretty interesting so far with some cool characters. Lots of potential!
ReplyDeletewow, this was an impressive peace of writing! You have certainly set yourself up for some hard work Terse, given the massive backdrop and imaginative backstory you've set up here.
ReplyDeleteI eagerly await more. 4/5 for now, but fix the medley of typos/grammar and expand the story and character interactions, and there is 6-star potential here!
Wait, humans are eldritch beasts to ponies?!? I'll have you know I'm part homo sapiens (on my mother's side)!!
ReplyDeleteCongrats on story number two, Terse! I think this one definitely needs expansion, so hopefully you revisit it before moving on to new projects. Superb writing as always, hoping to see more stuff from you soon!
ReplyDeleteHey, guys! Terse here, and thanks again for all your kind comments and wonderful ratings! They're the sort of thing that motivate a guy to keep tapping at his keyboard in a futile attempt to give something back to the fandom, haha!
ReplyDelete@NTSTS: I owe you an extra-special round of thanks and applause, man! Once again I wouldn't be here without your help and expertise. You're a swell guy, and I'm incredibly grateful for your assistance, on all counts!
To everybody who has commented so far, thank you for your words! If you have any particular criticisms, please drop them in the comments - what's the point of writing if not personal improvement and giving back to the community, after all?
Also, Cereal, if you read these comments, would you mind changing the Author tag on this one to TerseWriterfag, or the Author tag on Octavia's Power Hour (http://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/08/story-octavias-power-hour.html) to just Terse? It's a little confusing the way it is currently, haha!
Whoa. This is really good! I've been wishing for more stories about non-pony creatures in Equestria, and this is currently fulfilling that wish. It reads really well - like Twilight, I'm eager to hear more about these foreigners and their culture.
ReplyDeleteAnd all the stuff with Luna is delightful. I'm curious to see where the story goes from here. I will be keeping an eye on this!
Its a bit hard to predict where you are going with this exactly. Which is a good thing I reckon. I don't think anything about the story bothered me, so I don't have any meaningful criticism. I'll be here for part two.
ReplyDeleteWell I'm curious for the second chapter at least.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I'd like to point out that this: "like a ton of bricks falling from a tall tower," is a similie, not a metaphor. :P
ReplyDeleteAlso, where's Spike? You noted he came with, but he hasn't been mentioned past that, seems kind of strange.
@Sebiale: You never saw anything! Aaaaaanythiiiiing!
ReplyDeleteIn all seriousness, though, thank you for pointing that out, it's been so long since I last had cause to appreciate the distinction, haha!
I'm afraid I can't answer that. Any author willing to lay his cards out on the table before he's ready to play them clearly doesn't know the rules of the game! You'll just have to wait and see, ultimately. I mean, who else have we not seen at this point?
Perhaps a stately white unicorn, one who carries herself with grace and poise?
I wonder if the Vulture was a friend of the Buzzing Buzzard
ReplyDeleteThe first chapter was the best. Too tired to spell out why, just feels like there's gaps and bits of unreasonable here and there.
ReplyDelete"Twilight sighed at that. Back in the days of her youth, she’d saved Sparky from bullies once."
ReplyDeleteYou mean Twilight saved Smithy?
Chapter ending reaction:
Either Twilight Sparkle just got conned or that vulture is trying to get a new slave.
I gotta say, that while I could see Rarity having a reaction like that, it doesn't really mesh with my view of Twilight. She'd be pleased with him, yeah, and maybe willing to agree to the rendezvous, I just don't think she would do it so enthusiastically.
You sure this story is [Normal]? It doesn't seem to be shaping up that way. Seems to be heading towards an [Adventure] actually.
I also get Kayriel's reaction--the various POVs seem very disconnected.
Seems like Twilight will be abducted and become a slave. A few mistakes in the dialogue when she calls Smithy "Sparky".
ReplyDeleteI think that trying to add all those points of views and arcs will hurt the story.