Author: Varanus
Description: We all wear a mask called composure, beneath which hides a heart that twists with guilt and hidden feelings. Regal as she is, Princess Celestia is no exception. What might be revealed should circumstances cause this mask to slip - or break?Composure (New Part 7!)
Additional Tags: Nightmare, Guilt, Secrets, Comfort, Trust.
Fan Art
194 kommentaari:
an image with Twilestia. <.< >.>
VastaKustutaMy only complaint about the image is the muzzles. Too horse like. I like my duck Ponies.
This is really good, and I can't wait to see the next chapter.
VastaKustutaWow, haven't seen any Twilestia in a long time. May have to read this not so common shipping pair, or more, add it to the list... *sigh*
VastaKustutaoh, yeah, i should read it. Maybe during my 5 hour break tomorrow.
VastaKustutaTwas good, parts seemed alittle stretched, but that didn't retract from it being a good story.
VastaKustutaI like this, had a couple "Wait, what!?" moments. Hope the next chapter keeps up the pace.
VastaKustutaThe tags intrigue me. I shall read!
VastaKustutaWonderful, very well written. You kept the pace very well, and kept me guessing too.
VastaKustutaThank you! :D
Unicorn school = Neverland Ranch
VastaKustutaSLUMBER PARTY!
Really good, though I fail to see any shipping >.> Thanks for writing it ^^;
VastaKustutaAlot better than I hoped can't wait for more
VastaKustutaUmmmm, it was alright, some moments made want to yell but it was still good.
VastaKustutaLoved it!
VastaKustutaTwilestia...ya don't see one of those every day...
VastaKustuta*sigh*
Adds it to the towering pile of fics I still want to read*
I was excited to see some twilestia, and then this took a WHOLE different route, still ended up loving it(:
VastaKustutaMagical Trevor eagerly awaits the second chapter in this epic saga! 8D
VastaKustutaBeautiful story, wonderfully written, fantastic internal struggle with Celestia! I can't wait to see more of this. The romantic payoff should be wonderful if the quality of this chapter is any indication.
VastaKustutaI really liked it. Stories that expand upon Twilight and Celestia's relationship(shipping or otherwise) are some of my favorite subject matter.
VastaKustutaExcellently written, and I love the extrapolation on the nature of Alicorns. Celestia's interactions with light were probably the highlight for me. Twilight and especially Spike were excellently in-character, and I rather like your interpretation of Luna; Celestia is a little too informal for how we've seen her before, but I could chalk that up to her either A) Talking in private with Luna or B) Having a serious concussion.
VastaKustutaHer mistrust of Luna is an interesting duality I hope to see expanded on; it's like she wants to forgive Luna for what she did, but her subconscious won't really let her.
@wackyteen
VastaKustutaWell its another artists image if Im not mistaken that the author is not the artist. The artist was egophiliac here
http://egophiliac.deviantart.com/gallery/30107519#/d46vv5h
and colored beautifully by spyrothefox here
http://egophiliac.deviantart.com/favourites/#/d46w9pz
so yeah, so they cant help what it looks like. I adore the images myself and didnt mean to sound like Im being all "baw yourwrong the image isnt hers technical bable"
Just wanted to show off the good artists behind it ^^
MOAR!
VastaKustutaMY BODY REQUIRES MORE OF THIS PAIRING.
VastaKustutaEnjoying it so far, can't wait to see more!
VastaKustutaFantastic. I loved the references to the other great Canterlot and Celestia and Luna focused fics that I love so much. And I really loved the subtlety of the ship here. It irritates me so much when shipfics launch into the relationship with either side having barely acknowledged their hidden feelings to the other.
VastaKustutaI also loved the interactions of the OC doctor ponies, who provided a great source of dramatic irony and just the right bit of background drama.
I really enjoyed this. I've never actually seen a Twilestia fic before, it's an interesting idea and I can't wait to see how this goes! I'm glad this didn't just launch directly into romance, too, I like a bit of story in my shipfics.
VastaKustutaThis is really quite lovely, all told. There are some minor but noticeable technical errors that, frankly, shouldn't be there for someone at your level of writing ability, but overall, I very much like it. Celestia's reactions and character are conveyed with uncommon skill and realism, and the way you effortlessly juggle this unique situation, Celestia's character, the mysticism of MLPFiM, the tender emotion, and even the nods to the fandom (the socks), not to mention an inventive take on the extra purpose that hospital bouquets would have for the pony world, is very impressive. I very much like your style, as well; it's easy and simple, yet expressive and captivating. I also really like how you're handling the romantic angle, not just diving in, but not taking too slow a pace, either, and making it seem realistic and so very sweet all the while. Of course, the show itself does provide the background for that (Twilestia can almost be reasonably called canon, after all), but you're using the potential of what the show provides quite well thus far.
VastaKustutaThe implication that there will be more makes me very happy. I'll be waiting eagerly. As of Chapter 1, 4.5 Stars (will round up for official rating system).
Well this looks familiar. Congrats on lift-off Var!
VastaKustuta-mfw I get to read chapters ahead of everyone else on my favorite fics/authors for reviewing purposes.
I really enjoyed this, and hope to see more Celestia love soon.
VastaKustutaThanks for the kind comments, everypony! Glad to see it's striking some chords. XD and here I was worried people would be annoyed at the fact that the premise is a deliberate anticlimax! Heh, the 'Nightmare' tag was even there so you all might think the initial section was actually going to happen, if even for a second.
VastaKustuta@crispymwhc
Haha, that was the plan!
@mycutiemarkisagun
Set a few years in the future! Everypony is a perfectly consentable adult!!
@Joseph Lee
I had an idea and wanted to write something shippy, but I was willing to pass off the TwiLestia as platonic if the characters didn't respond well under my pen. Happily, they did! Plenty of shipping in the next chapter, promise!
@HydraInATopHat
Celestia's pretty informal, but intentional for exactly the reasons you've described. As for Celestia's fears, well... ;)
@Vimbert
Betcha wish you weren't on hiatus, huh?
@Pyrite
I do love dropping nods and references here and there. Luna's Night Guard, for example, was inspired by 'Night Court'. Celestia's teatree mouthwash was from 'Celestia's Teeth', one of my favorite Celestia fics.
@Stephen Cawking
The color of tapping into the fabric of reality is purple, as I always say!
@Cedric Bale
There's a few ones floating around, but they're all so short! I'm not creating the next epic here or anything, but I do want something TwiLestia fans can savor.
@The RPGenius
High praise indeed. It was certainly a lot of fun exploring a non-human mindset, and I'm particularity proud of the bouquet. That joke stemmed from winter wrap up, when they sang about planting flowers in the same verse as actual vegetables.
@Seattle_Lite
Haha, it's a cherry gig, isn't it?
@I0x0r
Glad to hear it.
@Varanus
VastaKustutaOh, I'll find a way... I know you have Chapter Two hidden... somewhere...
Can't wait for the next installment :DDDD Honestly, I'm a diehard TwiLestia fan more or less cause I like to think of myself as part of the 2% of FiM fans that actually adore Celestia. I don't think of her as a tyrant or hardcore troll or anything, but she is one of my fav chars out of the mane 6, Twilight being numero uno. I'd love to give my hand at some fan fiction but I'm terribly afraid I'd ruin the characters or something for a reader T-T. Also, if you know of any other TwiLestia fics out there, mind sharing them? I've been pulling my hair out trying to find at least one that isn't a straight clopfic or badly written, eye twitching humanized version.
VastaKustutaButter Hooves: Finding Twilestia of any kind is surprisingly difficult, given how obvious a set-up it is. Perhaps authors simply grapple with the same problem that you and I do with it--a desire to show the lovely potential of the pairing, yet a fear of not being able to do so as perfectly as the characters and the relationship warrant. To date, I've only seen 2 other stories that are dedicated to a romantic exploration of Twilight and Celestia:
VastaKustutahttp://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/04/story-letters-letters-letters.html
http://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/02/story-correspondence.html
Since you asked for sharing, there you go. They're alright, though nothing special, nor thoughtful--Composure seems leaps and bounds above them. More reason why I look forward to this story's continuation.
@Butter Hooves
VastaKustutaI hate to have to do this, but I'm going to have to ask you to refrain from posting any further links to explicit content in the comment section of my story. I requested Seth delete your post because, while I don't condemn such literature, the fact of the matter is I'm uncomfortable being associated with it.
Thanks for understanding, the new chapter is coming asap!
My apologies, Varanus. Can't wait for the second chapter! RP, if you wish to contact me further, leave me a message on my blogger account or skype(rocermocer21). Thanks again for the links! Although you were right in the sense that they fail in comparison to Varanus's 'Composure', I give the authors credit for even attempting Twilestia in the first place. Sorry if this message is a bit short but my two previous ones have been wiped cause of multiple reasons. But, thanks once again for replying to my request! You're a cool dude and Celestia bless you. Sorry once again, Varanus, if my posts made you uncomfortable in any sense of the word. I never meant to offend, only share :)
VastaKustutaI do love your story Varanus. A wonderful take on Twilestia, easily the best one I've read so far.
VastaKustutaOf course, there's sadly little competition, but I think this one would have stood up well regardless! I can't wait for the next chapter :).
I must agree with the posters above me, that Twilestia is far too rare. I had read those stories before, but decided to go back and read them. "Correspondance" was a little weak, but I think I know why. It was written by the same guy who wrote "Fluffershy" and the chapter of "Progress" called "Luna Vs. Threesome." I think he works better with dirty humor than not, and in that respect, his Twilestia fic felt a little restrained.
VastaKustuta"Letters, Letters, Letters" was much better. My only complaints about it were there were quite a few grammatical mistakes, and the ending was slightly rushed.
Anyways, this was better than either of those, and I can't wait to see what direction this takes.
Also, I'm disappointed that I've never been able to find any fics with the ship TwiLestiaLuna, except for that one semi-clopfic that was actually more Twixie and Celluna (hard to explain). Hey, that gives me an idea for a fic: once I get into writing mode, if nobrony else has done it by that time, I'll write a TwiLestiaLuna fic! They are my favorite ponies, after all. :)
There's far too few good TwiLestia fics in this fandom, and after reading chapter two, I have no doubt that this will go down as THE premier TwiLestia fic on the site. Twilight and Celestia have fantastic chemistry while both staying in character, and the interaction between the alicorn sisters is nothing short of gripping.
VastaKustutaI'll eagerly await the next chapter!
I'm not even kidding when I say this - Composure is the fiction that brought me back to this fandom. It is excellently done, wonderfully descriptive, and a clear cut above anything else making the fiction rounds right now.
VastaKustutaHonestly, thank you for writing this.
Ohh yes, this post made my night. Turns out this is a shipping! And a damn good one at that. Loved, 5 stars.
VastaKustutaCan't wait for more.
Autor on selle kommentaari eemaldanud.
VastaKustutaThis is some AMAZING shipping here. Does a great job staying IC and some of the dialogue is just superb. I am very very eagerly looking forward to the next chapter. Give me more! =D
VastaKustuta@Jonny Manz
VastaKustutaThe only non-clopfic, I can think of that MAY be going your TwilestiaLuna route is "Don't Let the Sun Catch You Crying", it certianly hints at both of them wanting Twilight for something more than just friendship.
Back to this story, while the first chapter was solid, I must say it was your 2nd chapter that really roped me in. Believeable emotions and reactions and implications of some Luna and Twilight conflict in future chapters. Just the way you've been stressing the injury it seems like perhaps there is more than just a simple concussion messing with Celestia's head/memory.
Student-teacher relationships are controversial affairs. But they're ponies, so all arguments are invalid.
VastaKustutaI really liked the first two chapters; keep up the good work!
I F5'd EQD and saw this. Consequently, it made me feel lighter and happier; I smiled. Finally second chapter!
VastaKustutaGood on ya, great chapter. It does need a bit more polish though. Some grammar mistakes, spelling mistakes, and dialogue can be a bit rough. Why not give ponychan's /fic/ a try?
Twilestia, my life has a meaning :D
VastaKustutalol ok
read chapter 1 ,will chapter 2 later
so far i like it ,if something will happen then it wont be shown this directly like the the nightmares coming true, but i was still worried that that was the case heh
Just read both: I love it, I love it, I love it! This is almost unbearably sweet and starkly candid. It is wonderful to read of the hopes and dreams and fears that this trio of the most powerful beings in Equestria struggle to keep hidden for the betterment of everypony else. It is long overdue that they were given a chance to support one another
VastaKustutaI've actually really been enjoying this read, so far. The shipping element isn't completely hardcore thus far, it's actually borderline cute, and I like how the Luna subplot is quite prominent as well. Keep up the good work, my good sir, and I can't wait to read more
VastaKustutaThis is a really really good one. I love how you wrote Tia, Luna, and Twi.You're really playing the correct notes as far as the characterization goes. This is a very emotional and deep portrayal of them.
VastaKustuta"It felt right."
Something about that line made my heart smile.
Enjoying this greatly. Hope it gets finished!
VastaKustutaA brilliant second chapter. The movement of the story is dynamic and each action a pony takes is significant. The characterizations are beautifully subtle and absolutely capture a realistic idea of relationships highly strained by past actions.
VastaKustutaLuna, Celestia and Twilight are staring across a massive gulf at each other and daring to reach out, hoping the other pony will really be there.
Fiction like this is why I read shipfics.
I look forward to another chapter of the tensions of these characters being played against my emotions.
Excellent second chapter. Your characterizations are truly magnificent.
VastaKustutaMy only concern is if Celestia discovers Twilight's true feelings before she examines more fully her own. If that were to happen, I think the case could be made for her initially rejecting Twilight's affection as a simple crush or misplaced feelings left over from their time together as a teacher and student. Though I'm sure she'd be very gentle in her let-down.
However if Celestia were to internally recognize that Twilight is no longer her student, that she is in fact now no longer mentally and emotionally dependent upon Celestia in the way that students are dependent upon their teachers, then I think that she would have more leeway in accepting Twilight's romantic feelings.
Although a confession, either direct or implied, on Twilight's part could provide the catalyst for Celestia to examine her own feelings for Twilight and how they've evolved over time. So after an initial denial of Twilight's affection, Celestia could convince herself that the love she feels for Twilight, and Twilight feels for her, is proper.
Anyway, just my two cents worth. I eagerly look forward to the next chapter.
6 stars. NOW!
VastaKustutaAwesome chap! truly good (Btw i found this interesting Luna story you may or may not be interested in)
VastaKustutahttp://www.fanfiction.net/s/7429271/1/Seeds_of_Discord
This and that one hilarious TwiShy are the two best Twilight shippings I've read so far. Eager to see if the recent NMM/Twilight turns out better than this tho. Reading two alicornXTwilight shippings in one day was great.
VastaKustutaOh so very well done. I'm impressed with the style and raw skill demonstrated in the story so far. I'm eagerly awaiting the next chapter.
VastaKustutaI eagerly await chapter 3!
VastaKustutaLuna's part to play truly made it for me. That entire scene added gravity that I thought the piece was lacking. All said and done, it was pure perfection.
I really enjoy this fanfic. I hadn't expected all the tension between the three of them, but it just makes it all the more interesting!
VastaKustutaSadly now I'll have to wait another two weeks for the next awesome chapter :(.
Twilight... Sparkle... Eclipse.
VastaKustutaYes, I said it :p
*runs away cackling madly*
Normally a fic where a teacher and a much younger students are shipped together creeps me right out because of the power imbalance in the relationship. You've managed to write this so it avoids that pitfall. Celestia thinks of Twilight as a capable adult, and Twilight is trying to get over the schoolgirl crush, and somehow it all works. I love that you've managed to make Celestia a normal person with fears and insecurities - it is a nice change from her usual trolling omnipotence. Great job, and I'm looking forward to your next chapter.
VastaKustutaIt was long. Very long. And it seemed like I was reading a long winded recitation of the night before boredom.
VastaKustutaYou've got good skill, a bunch of typos that the editors missed. A lot of rambling though and intentional shattering of the aesthetic distance is a no-no.
I vote for a "yes" progress to the next round.
But tighten this up. Don't bore me to sleep.
A very good chapter all around, though Trevor will be re-reading it later, as he seems to be quite braindead. (Apparently, Diet Root Beer has no caffine. One thought it would help him, but only jsut remembered. Trevor can hardly think straight, apparently.)
VastaKustutaStill, excellent chapter, despite the headache! Trevor loved Luna's 'Revenge' with the doctors! Took one a minute to regain his breath!
Anyhoof, it was excellent al around, and Trevor can't wait for chapter 3! Keep up the great work, and while we want the new chapter NOW, you can't rush excellence! XD
~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria
@Butter Hooves
VastaKustutaNo harm done! Hope you enjoy chapter 2!
@Zanzibar
I welcome competition if it means more Twilestia.
@Jonny Manz
I liked Correspondence most because it was primarily humour, so that eased the relative lack of romance. Though it was solid from a technical standpoint, ‘Letters, Letters, Letters’ seemed a little paint-by-numbers for my tastes – only ONE Twilight and Celestia scene, when the whole thing could have been played out over multiple chapters.
@GWGV
Wow, high praise indeed. Glad you enjoyed it! To think of my story as you have described is odd for me. I’m not trying to light the world on fire with this fic, but maybe that’s part of it? Either way, I hope I continue to do it justice.
@Fon Shaolin
I’m a little late into the fandom to recognise your name, but I did happen to notice you mentioning you were back while I was browsing /fic/. To discover that I had a hand in that... wow. You’re more than welcome, in that case. Welcome back!
@MissingTheMoon
Thanks! Yeah, the shipping kind of sneaks up on you.
@Drizzle
High praise indeed. Glad you enjoyed it!
@iastfan112
Yes, I really feel it’s the second chapter where the emotion comes into play.
@Dinc
Messers and madam Vimbert, Seattle and JBKinsley approved! But yeah, there’s still a few things here and there I need to iron out, it seems.
@DoctorWhooves
Hope you’ll enjoy chapter 2 as well!
@Scorched Wing
Yes, the ‘things unsaid’ aspect is very interesting to explore, but it’s delicate, so I need to tread carefully as I write. It’s pretty fun!
@Fifth Alicorn
It’s an interesting path to take, this fic. I’ve read a lot of shipping but never written one before, but I know what I like and I know what makes me roll my eyes and close the window. Low key, that’s the aim of the game.
@Viethra
Every now and again I read a line in a story that strikes my core. In fanfiction, ‘Have I taught him to be brave?’ is one. ‘Do better’ is another.
I’m touched something I wrote has had the same effect on you.
@Chiefnewo
As do I!
@Pyrite
VastaKustutaIt really is an exercise of trust on everypony’s part, all for different reasons. Glad you enjoyed, thank you for your kind praise.
@l0x0r
Your concerns are noted and considered. I wish I could discuss it further, but I don’t want to spoil anything!
@wolfe-guardian
4.8 currently. So close...
@Sai
How odd, that fic pretty much presents my personal headcanon. I suppose the thought that Discord’s mocking words made Luna doubt herself had occurred to more than just me. Oh well, I’ll always have Celestia-with-a-concussion.
@Logan Warner
Ha, thanks!
@FurryForlife
Glad to hear you enjoyed it.
@Mazzyrazzy
Good to hear. I felt Luna was the one who was most suited to show that repercussions weren’t limited to just Celestia and Twilight.
@Zanzibar
I’ll try to be quicker with the update this time, but since college has started... well, when it’s ready it’s ready.
@Nyerguds
I’m okay with it.
@Popcorn
I agree with you on the teacher-student thing, and you’ve hit the nail on the head in your analysis of Celestia and Twilight. In any relationship, the share of power should be equal, I feel.
And Celestia is fun to write. With her love for light pranks I figure she has many amusing thoughts running through her head, but whenever she speaks to others it’s with measured wisdom. The concussion is messing with that a little, hence her odd little moments here and there.
@David-ism
C-c-c-c-c-combo breaker!!
Seriously though, I don’t know what to tell you. Despite my best efforts, brevity of speech and prose has long eluded me. This is a rambling, sedate story where the only source of conflict comes from within the protagonists themselves. This is all very low-key and introspective, so if that bores you then I guess I’m doomed to tell you a bedtime story. As for the aesthetic distance, give me some examples and I’ll gladly tighten those parts up if I can, but only if it doesn’t compromise my intentions. If it’s the mood whiplash you’re worried about, sorry but that’s entirely intentional.
@Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria
Haha yes, I couldn’t resist an opportunity to play with my readers’ expectations. Glad you enjoyed it!
The situation with Luna is unsettling me a bit, she still feels negatively and apparently took this situation personally. I hope this doesn't end up like spark.
VastaKustutaNon-subjectively, it is solidly written, and quite captivating. Really draws you into the story, and makes you feel the characters emotions. A great read overall!
VastaKustutaSubjectively, this is TWILESTIA; it's like a train wreck, so horrific you can't bear to watch it but you can't pull your eyes away at the same time.
You have been warned.
HOLY APPLEJUICE, THIS UPDATED! Been waiting forever and a half for this.
VastaKustutaI was sitting here trying to think of something to comment on about this chapter, and it occurred to me that very little actually happened. Mostly introspection, lol. The things I thought of to comment on are things that remain a mystery still, like how Celestia was acting after the explosion, the extent of Luna's feelings, this whole thing with the semi-intelligent(?) light, just how exactly Celestia feels about Twilight, things like that. So all I can really say is, I can't wait for chapter three. :P
I don't want to whine or exaggerate. But I've had comments about my Pony stories that say something similar to this, and I really appreciated it, so: I had a terrible day today. It was long, frustrating, problems compounded on themselves, and I didn't have the requisite funds to comfort myself even with a simple lunch. But it was made a lot more bearable by the thought that I'd seen a new chapter for this story on ED this morning, and I would be able to read it when I got home. And I just have, and my day is a lot better. A lot. As better as it would have been had I been watching a new episode of MLPFiM, even. So thank you--I've been waiting rather impatiently ever since Chapter 1 for this continuation, but it seems your timing was perfect.
VastaKustutaNow, enough of that drivel. Chapter 2 does not disappoint. This story about Celestia--and that's really what it is, I think, a story about her, and Twilight, and Luna, not just a shipping story--is as wonderful as it was last time. First of all, the dynamic and interactions you have between Celestia and Luna...great stuff. These 2 have been explored, nay, examined, both together and separately, countless times in this fandom, and I have to say that this story's approach is a very strong, worthwhile portrayal of them, and what it must be like for each of them now. This material is so good that it could be a story unto itself...and yet it works so well as just a part of a whole, too, because your approach to this story is an all-encompassing perspective on the emotional side of Celestia. Nice work, to be sure.
Your soft, slow, and caring approach to Twilestia is lovely and so emotionally gripping that it practically breaks my heart (in a happy sort of way, if that makes any sense). Maybe it's partially my preference for this couple, and the fact that this is seriously the first truly great portrayal of them, but this is nonetheless done wonderfully, with the patient method of an author who obviously really cares for and believes in these characters and the love they can (and should!) share. I have been struggling with myself for months, trying to create a Twilestia story to be my third Pony story, but perpetually I have found myself unable to properly portray the elegant, emotional potential of Twilight and Celestia in a way that does it justice. You...do this, seemingly with ease. The urge I felt to have a story which does this pairing justice is satiated by Composure.
I'm sorry if this is coming off a little...strong. Gushy. Over the top. But I love this story, and I rarely even especially like fanfics, even Pony ones. It's great. Please continue it soon.
And, at the risk of sounding inappropriately hostile for an MLP fan...pay 0 attention to David-ism. Your style is ever appropriate for the tone and mood of the story, for its intentions and its qualities. If he is unable to appreciate anything with a narrative pace less crudely hasty than that of a Spongebob episode, that is sadly his loss.
@ thecommunistpony
VastaKustutaNopony is going to suddenly turn out to be evil, if that's what you're wondering about. That would be the easy way out.
@Anonymoose
People said the same thing about Code Geass but it remains my favorite anime of all time and has deeply influenced me (if anyone has read my Disgaea story 'Fail to the King!', you'll know what I mean. Cliffhangers out the wazoo!!). Code Geass was a bumpy ride but in the end everything made sense and was incredibly poignant. IMO, it wasn't a wreck and neither is this - I'm bringing this train home safely.
@ Cedric Bale
I'll answer any questions you have about the light, since figuring out it's properties isn't a massive plot point. As for the other stuff, well, I hope you'll enjoy chapter 3...
@ The RPGenius
Only now do I realise you were the one to write Sweet Apple Capers. BEST. PINKIE. FIC. EVER. So much win, one of the few humor fics ever to make me laugh out of legitimate humor rather than memes.
Thank you so much for your praise, it's really touching to know I could help someone like that. I'm glad you appreciate the holistic response I've had to Celestia's dilemma, it's why I listed it as [Normal] first and [Shipping] secondarily, because in it's essence it's a character study of Celestia and her relationships between others. I think the shipping is successful because I was actually willing to drop it should the characters not respond well to it, but I've found it's really blossomed between Twilight and Celestia, particularization in chapter 2.
Behind that apparent ease of emotional portrayal is hours of me simply pacing my house trying to develop the proper approach to the subject. Chapter 3 keeps fluxuating, but I'm super glad I updated because I've gotten some fantastic feedback both here in the comments and from the chat logs. Perhaps once Composure is complete you'll have the inspiration you need to write your own Twilestia piece?
As for David-ism, well, I'm happy to hear criticism if it means I can improve the story. It's why I run things past the /fic/ reviewers, after all. If in the end we can't find a mutually beneficial solution, then I suppose that's that. It's his loss, but the loss of, say, $10 is going to mean a lot less to a European than it is to an American, you know? If it's not his thing it's not his thing, and I'm okay with that.
Particularization, now that is a variation of Particular I've never used before!
VastaKustuta@iastfan112 Dumb in-browser spellcheck! It's useless to me!!
VastaKustutaParticularly. That's what I meant!
Liking bemused Celestia.
VastaKustutaAdoring anxious Twilight.
Not a fan of jealous clingy Luna.
When will the next chapter be complete? I've been hanging around and keeping in check every other day but I cant wait for chapter 3.
VastaKustuta@DPV111 Jealous Luna? Nah, she's just had a bad day is all. Twilight really let her down by panicking like that.
VastaKustuta@ AppleJack6 I'm afraid not until next week at the earliest. I've had a busy week at college, but have a 3-day weekend to catch up. Subscribe to this page, and you'll get an alert the moment it happens through the comments.
@Varanus:
VastaKustutaHow do you subscribe to a particular page? That sounds like a really useful feature that I would certainly use a lot if I knew how.
@GoldenArbiter Bottom of the page, right underneath the comment box and the 'Newer Post', 'Home', 'Older Post' hyperlinks.
VastaKustutaReads 'Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)'
Careful though, it'll mean you'll get every comment posted in the page from then until you unsubscribe. When this story next updates I'll leave a comment so everyone subscribed will know.
If there's a better way, I'll find out.
@Varanus
VastaKustutaOh. I was hoping that wasn't the only way...
Oh well, I will just watch it normally :D
Anyways, if you manage to find a better, don't hesitate to let me know. Thanks.
loved this, make moar
VastaKustuta5/5
Not going to bug you about an update!
VastaKustutaWhy isn't this 6 stars yet? I can't imagine anyone giving this less than 5 and it's up to nearly 200 ratings.
Fon Shaolin: I suspect that people see the shipping aspect and won't open their minds far enough to consider its potential, and thus rate the story less than it deserves--much like someone might see a colorful cartoon about ponies and denounce it without giving it a proper chance to prove itself. You'd think--want to think!--that a fandom for a show like this would embrace the idea of giving new and different ideas a fighting chance, but sometimes we don't learn the very lessons we try to teach others.
VastaKustutaNo, no - I mean literally. Look at the ratings and you'll see it's a pure bar of five stars. What are the guidelines to a 6-star story on here?
VastaKustutaTo be 6 Star, you need at least 50 ratings (done), and an average rating of 4.9 or a perfect 5.0. Composure is just shy of that at 4.8. My previous post just indicated my suspicion that the individuals who provided less than 5 stars for the rating and haven't bothered to read and vote at all are probably doing so out of being close-minded about the pairing, since the writing quality, character portrayal, analysis, and development, the overall story and its flow, and blend of subtle humor, creativity, and purpose all certainly warrant the 5 star rating if any story ever has.
VastaKustutaI want next chapter >.<
VastaKustutaI usually don't bug people about updating, but damn man...I want chapter three. :(
VastaKustutaMOAR
VastaKustuta^ this
VastaKustutaYou know, it wouldn't be that bad if we knew Varanus was even alive. Some rabid Twiluna shipper might have killed him and we'd never guess!
VastaKustutaFear not, I still live! I was in Berlin the past week for a study trip, and managed to sort a few things about the story out.
VastaKustutaI think I was overthinking matters, and I'm just going to push to get the next chapter up over this week or so. Also, I've got a prequel/side-story outlined which I think you'll all like. Stay tuned!
We're all looking forward to it, Varanus! The world needs more Twilestia!
VastaKustutaHere's hoping for an update soon before I forget what's happened so far.
VastaKustutaExcellent writing by the way, keep it up!
VastaKustutaThe downside of reading so many fics is that sometimes you (temporarily) forget about one if it doesn't update in a while. So every now and then I just ask myself which fics I have read in the last two months or so that I really liked and that haven't updated in a while, and check in the comments if there is any news.
VastaKustutats good when that is so. Glad to know this one is still alive :)
Are you dead, Varanus? I think he's dead.
VastaKustutaI 'ain't dead, just busy!
VastaKustutaSomepony created a Twilestia thread on fimchan which is kind of a defacto Composure thread. Once chapter 3 is up (almost done now!) I'll also create a thread for it on ponychan, so if you guys want to know what the state of the story is, all you'll need to do is ask over in one of them, whichever chan you prefer.
Ok ive been waiting for a lot of weeks now and this is taking up space on my bookmarks so I wont be keeping in touch with this story. You take to long friend sorry.
VastaKustuta@AppleJack6
VastaKustutaSo some of the best writers here,like Slywit,l0x0r or PhantomFox,to say some.
You see,there's this little thing called "Real life" that we have to take care a lot.
Double update coming soon.
VastaKustutaWell, that didn't happen. :/
VastaKustutaI had meant to update chapter 3 with chapter 4, but chapter 4 is resisting efforts to be completed this weekend. So, chapter 4 should be up by Saturday, if all goes well.
Enjoy chapter 3! It's probably not what most of you expected, but it's not filler. Looking forward to hearing thoughts, criticisms and theories.
Just Noticed Phoe's reference in #2. How did i miss that?
VastaKustutaWell I just finished reading chapter 3, spoilers abound in the rest of my post so consider this your warning!
VastaKustutaVaranus, the symbolism and descriptions used in this chapter had tears welling up in my eyes at points. Especially the part at the end, everything felt like it was building up to that moment.
My theory, Celestia views her love for Twilight as forbidden. Hence the biting into the apple before she admitted it out loud. She also feels that she is unworthy of Twilight returning the love because no matter what, she will outlive her. So there was a lot of guilt in her mind about it.
My only criticism was that I was curious about who some of the other ponies in the dream were. Perhaps since I am completely unfamiliar with the previous iterations of MLP, I am missing some knowledge, but I would have liked to know who the Earth Pony and Pegasus were.
Also, this is also the best iteration I have seen of the Twilestia ship. Please keep writing because I am very much enjoying this story! I will hold you to next Saturday as the next update.
Oh wow! Chapter 3 is the cutest thing ever! The dream is so sweet (yay for Luna being awesome with her sister!), so imaginative, and the shipping is right on character.
VastaKustutaAs a Celestia fan, I give this a 6/5.
@Varanus No problem, take your time. Hope you get to finish this great fic :).
I am utterly in love with this story.
VastaKustutaWhile it does admittedly feel like a bit of filler, it felt like good filler. Very striking imagery and symbolism
VastaKustutaAt the end of chapter two I only had this story at three stars, but after chapter three I'm boosting it up to four.
VastaKustutaAlmost made it five, but I decided to wait a bit longer before going quite that far. Keep up the good work though and I'll probably change my mind.
That whole dream sequence was just so beautifully constructed--a fantastic blend of dreams with a mythical tone. I just loved the messages and meanings I extracted from it. It was really heart-warming.
One hates to say but... Trevor is slightly disappoint... One means... Great metaphor and everything! Great analogy for what's going on emotionally, but... One hoped for a little more... Plot. But Trevor digresses. The chapter was VERY well-written, GREAT visualization and painting of a picture with words! That chapter was EXCELLENT in that regard, but with no plot, it just felt... out of place, really. Trevor could actually see this as the start of the fic, rather than something in the middle. Anyhoof, that's just Trevor's two bits. PLEASE keep up the AMAZING work! 8D /]
VastaKustuta~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria
Celestia has interesting dreams...
VastaKustutaMore more more more more more more more. GIMME!
VastaKustutaAt first I was upset to find no plot progression, but within this bit of what I initially thought to be filler, I found an amazingly vivid, surreal, wonderful metaphor for everything going on. It's absolutely beautiful.
VastaKustutaI've mentioned how much I love this story previously, but Chapter 3 clinches it--this is 6 Star quality, more than any 6 Star story I've read (or written, for that matter!) to date. The symbolic nature of the dream is stunning, and yet its pacing, nature, events, and emotion are all intensely gripping as well, making it the best kind of mix between powerful storytelling and intellectual depth. This is a wonderful, wonderful story.
VastaKustutaAutor on selle kommentaari eemaldanud.
VastaKustutaChapter 3 is just..
VastaKustutaI am stunned, overwhelmed with emotions.
I haven't read anything like this before.
It is something unimaginably wonderful!
Chapter 3 was stunningly beautiful. I'm not that great at interpreting symbolism, but I think I understand what the ending meant... at least, I hope that's what it meant.
VastaKustutaDon't stop writing, Varanus. This is too amazing to let go. :)
I think I came close to crying at least five times during Chapter 3. It really was beautiful, so much so that it actually hurt me to think of Celestia being left all alone as the ponies she watched over eventually left her to start their final journey and chase after the distant horizon.
VastaKustutaThis isn't simply amazing as a fanfic, it's amazing as a standalone story in general. Excellent work Varanus and endless kudos to you =).
So many bronies with watery eyes after this chapter. I have to admit, I'm one of them. God I love stories like these. This is what language is for. Do not feel bad about taking metaphor and symbolism over straight up narrative; that's what separates plain writing from literature, at least in the connotation that the latter is used academically. 6 stars all the way.
VastaKustutaAmazing writing style.
VastaKustutaAmazing story.
Just shows how dirty my mind is when i read the "you must be the first to eat my fruit" part X(
THAT, chapter three I mean, was one of the most effective and beautiful uses of symbolism I have ever had the pleasure, neigh, the privilege of reading. You have earned my five stars twice over.
VastaKustutaWas not expecting the dream sequence to span an entire chapter, but I'm glad it did. So well done, not rushed in the slightest, perfect amount of detail.
VastaKustutaPlease, don't worry about double updates or deadlines or whatever else. If taking a month produces more chapters like Chapter 3, I am more than content to wait. Amazingly well done.
VastaKustutaI hate to break the string of gushing comments, but I do have some actual criticism. Part of writing, erm, literature — as one brony above mentioned — is weaving symbolism and metaphor into the plot and/or direction of the story.
VastaKustutaOverall, this chapter was solidly written. Roughly halfway through it, though, the imagery started hitting me over the head, and it became painfully obvious what the entire dream sequence was trying to say. At that point it became exposition. Flowery, well-constructed exposition, yet exposition nonetheless. This is not a good thing for your story.
While I do hope the base quality of the writing stays at or above this level (chapter 3), I also hope that future chapters do not stray so much from the narrative. You are /telling/ a story, not representing a story that has been told. Dream sequences ought to serve the story, not the other way around.
That said, nice work.
@P.D. Trindall Yay, criticism!
VastaKustutaI'm going to respond to everyone once I get the chance, but I feel I should discuss this asap, since it captures my own concerns with the chapter.
I don't feel chapter 3 is filler, and that will be made apparent chapter 4. Of course, maybe others will feel it's filler despite what the story will bring, but hey, death of the author and all that. It is indeed largely exposition, but chapter 4 and the rest of the fic will take much influence from this chapter.
I will say one thing that may or may not be relevant to your worries - there isn't just one interpretation of the dream. The horizon is an obvious example - it represents death early on, but it also represents friends moving on and drifting apart, friends leaving Celestia's life, and also shows that while her subjects can go wherever they like, Celestia is confined to her garden. All of these interpretations are true. Especially that final scene - there's multiple interpretations that are decidedly non-romantic, and they are just as valid as the romantic ones.
Originally the chapter wasn't entirely the dream sequence - it ended with Celestia waking up and had a bit of a cliffhanger. I had to decide whether to end it on the imagery of the two in the dream or a cliffhanger of Celestia wondering if she had fallen for Twilight.
In the end, I chose to preserve the integrity of the imagery, which means you are in essence spot on - for chapter 3, the imagery and exposition were more important for me than the actual progression of the plot.
Ultimately, all I can say is part of my philosophy behind my fanfiction is that it is an experiment I use in order to train my storytelling abilities and explore different concepts I have running around my head. For me, 'Composure' is practice in a sedate, understated storytelling style (so naturally, I electrocute and explode the main character. :/). In chapter 3, I found what I intended to be a short segue into Celestia's mind ran into a whole landscape the likes of which that I had never explored before, and I felt compelled to do so for my own sake as much as for the story. It deserved to be told, and that is exactly the type of tale I try to tell - the ones that deserve to be told.
I know, I know, 'trust me' is a terrible thing for an author to say. Whenever a storyteller says 'trust me, it'll make sense later', I counter, 'well, why doesn't it make sense that it doesn't make sense?' For the most part I'm following my own rules, but Chapter 3 toes the line. So, don't take my word for it. Stick around for the next chapter, and make your mind up then. I will do my best to do 'Composure' justice. /famouslastwords.
My God, that last chapter was incredible. Unexpected, yet simply incredible. I was stunned the whole way through. This story just keeps getting better and better. Keep up the amazing work.
VastaKustutaJust finished chapter 2, i almost panicked a bit... then i realised there's another chapter so i wouldn't have to wait for the next one xD
VastaKustutathis is a great story! keep it up :)
now i'm gonna continue to ignore sleep and read the next chapter! :D
okay so NOW i'm out of chapter :(
VastaKustutaand WOW, serioulsy? half of the fanfics i'm reading now just crumbled, the sheer symbolism and room for interpretations is incredible, i'm going to have truble reading other storys now, they're gonna feel shallow xD
Needs moar chapter! :D
VastaKustutaThis is the first TwiLestia I've read and I've got to say...wow, just wow. I normally favor TwiLuna but this is so beautifully and majestically written that I may just change my mind. The love student and teacher feel for each other is palpable, as well as the complicated relationship between the sisters of Sun and Moon. This begs for a resolution...please, please give it to us! :)
That last chapter floored me.
VastaKustutaJust floored me.
Wow.
No words.
Wow. I just read all three chapters in the course of three hours. Chapter three just floored me. I think what got me was the implied naivete in the symbolism. Having the ponies "running to the sunset"? I almost cried. It's like when a kid doesn't get what his parents mean when they say someone is dead. It just ruined me.
VastaKustutaI was confused, though. Once Twilight ran off into the sunset, I figured she was dead. When she came back, I thought it was implying that she was turning her back on mortality. I also thought this chapter was the end, as it seems to tell of events that haven't happened yet...
But it makes more sense if it's Celestia's dream, and not just you waxing poetic to wrap up the story.
Like had been said before, your writing is superb. As an avid reader, and a bit of a writer and poet, I was enthralled by your characterizations, especially of Celestia in her addled state. Concussions are no fun. trust me. I know.
tl;dr
I loved what you write so far. Keep it up.
encased in this story of beauty and grace, I find myself wondering where the time has gone. Please, please finish this story. It simply must be done!
VastaKustutaAny chance we can get an update on when to expect chapter 4? Your readers are counting on you.
VastaKustutaI missed the deadline I had set out - to get it finished by last Saturday - so now I'm just focusing on college and getting my semester done. Expect the next chapter sometime next week or so.
VastaKustutaSorry about the delay!
I can't wait. The dream in chapter 3 was just beautiful.
VastaKustutaThe art of writing is to write what deserves to be read.
VastaKustutaThis is this story!
Celestia's dream was probably the most impressive metaphorical look at the brevity of life, the torment of immortality and the hope of companionship.
And it was beautifully written!
At the same time, it was slightly disappointing, since it was merely a dream and I really wished I could have seen some mutual development in the Twilestia relationship (since the dream can only allow one-sided growth).
Also, I did miss your humor a bit. The dream was extremely deep and beautiful, but you had some wonderful laughing moments before (the flowers, the doctors, Luna innuendo). Please don't let this part disappear. A story without some laughter can be beautiful and great, but never perfect.
But then again, there is always a next chapter.
@P.D. Trindall
VastaKustutaThat's debatable.
Exposition in and of itself is not a bad thing, most often it's used to set up the story.
That is was used this late (relatively speaking compared to the standard model) in the story is unusual, but not necessarily bad.
@Sebiale
VastaKustutaIt's not bad at all. It just reads like a poem based on a story, rather than a story.
Oh and there is definitely something wrong with an entire chapter of exposition, yes. This is a major reason why prologues tend to suck.
VastaKustutaThis last chapter was not exposition. It was character development through self-discovery. Celestia comes to better understand her own feelings through the dream's metaphors.
VastaKustutaStorytelling does not need to be a sprint to the finish line, marking its progress through the events it hurtles over. There is absolutely nothing inherently wrong with using a segment of a story for exposition (if we want to limit our perspective and refer to Chapter 3 as such); it simply needs to have importance to the work as a whole (which Chapter 3 unequivocally does) and be within the care of an author with great skill and respect for his/her work (which Varanus unequivocally is and has). A great many of the best authors we've come across have employed such narrative breaks for exposition to great success. So long as we do not blithely assume that such a thing is wrong without exception, I think Chapter 3, for its exploration of Celestia's psyche in its past, present, and even expectant future, can easily be seen as having as strong relevance to the story as a whole as any chapter wherein the plot moves forward.
VastaKustuta@The RPGenius
VastaKustuta- "Storytelling does not need to be a sprint to the finish line..."
I'm going to assume you're being hyperbolic and disagree. The author ought to cut out as many unnecessary elements as possible, including (but not limited to) unnecessary exposition. This does not mean a story cannot have lengthy sections of exposition, only that these sections must work to the story's advantage and toward its goal.
A highly introspective story can, for instance, safely include page after page of exposition, because the philosophical musings of the narration are a key part of the work as whole. That, however, has not been the case for this fanfiction, to the point where a sudden descent into a dreamscape of this size shatters the story's pacing.
- "There is absolutely nothing inherently wrong with using a segment of a story for exposition (if we want to limit our perspective and refer to Chapter 3 as such); it simply needs to have importance to the work as a whole..."
I agree, and that's exactly my problem with this chapter; much of the dream sequence is of very little consequence to the story as whole beyond simply stating things that the audience already knows, or ought to be approached in a more dramatically satisfying way. It's well-written, and therefore difficult to find particularly offensive, but its main points could have been more effectively expressed within the running narration. So, instead of characters developing around each other, we now have a massive dream sequence both formally introduce and resolve roughly half of the story's conflict.
It's not a question of whether something like this can work (it can). It's a question of whether this was the best choice for the story at hand (it wasn't).
- "A great many of the best authors we've come across have employed such narrative breaks for exposition to great success."
Yes, and they do so through works in which introspection, philosophy or character study are major components of the narration in their own right. Moby Dick gets away with including boatloads (ha) of exposition and navel-gazing because the character of Ishmael — his voice, his ideas, how he thinks — is an extremely important part of the story.
- "So long as we do not blithely assume"
Next time I'll include, "...within a story that neither demands nor benefits from an entire chapter of exposition," so I don't assume so blithely.
- "Its exploration of Celestia's psyche in its past, present, and even expectant future, can easily be seen as having as strong relevance to the story as a whole as any chapter wherein the plot moves forward."
Yes, and now the plot must continue moving forward in the shadow of a dream sequence that more or less explicitly states and resolves Celestia's conflict within the story. Unless, of course, all of these conflicts will be revisited during the normal narration, in which case I begin to wonder why a multi-page dream sequence is necessary in the first place, if all it does is lessen the impact of a character's inner conflicts as they are later explored.
@ The author:
I don't mean to sound so negative. This fic is quite good, one of the few works on this site that deserves its stars.
Chapter 3 is not a bad piece of work by any means. It's clear you put a lot of care into the writing and (by and large) the dream sequence is well-executed, if wordy. I just don't think it fits well into this particular story, in this particular spot, or at this particular length.
I'm actually quite enjoying this debate going on!
VastaKustutaThe chapter does provide quite a bit of exposition, but I felt that was necessary considering the strange structure of the story.
I was suffering from a bit of writer's block, hving gotten nearly 20k words into the story without anything to drive the rest of it, and the result was this.
That, and, it gave me an opportunity to experiment with something, which is the main reason I write fanfiction.
If it helps - Celestia is going to remember the dream, but a big part of the question will be will she acknowledge it's truths. And even then, it won't act as a way for Celestia to go "Oh, that's what that was, I'm just being silly" and suddenly not worry about Luna being Nightmare Moon anymore, etc. At this point, she's begun to identify her problems, the rest of the story is about her actively engaging in changing her reactions.
I am going to ignore everything about the argument, and just say that i enjoyed all of this story so far, and i cannot wait to read the rest of it.
VastaKustutaI also hope it will be a long while before this one ends, i love long stories ^^;
This story is so well crafted. I especially like that although Celestia wakes up vulnerable and confused, she's still fully in her own character.
VastaKustutaI love the combination of serious and funny bits, and the contrast between the tone of the thoughts buzzing around in Celestia's head and the things she actually says.
I usually skip lengthy dream-sequences but I liked chapter three a lot.
Looking forward to the next part.
...Can has chapter 4? Uhg...I just want to read more NAO! :(
VastaKustutaWe want more!! What's happened?
VastaKustutaGood timing! Chapter 4 is in editing as we speak!
VastaKustutaPlus, the story go fanart, so we'll be getting a new title image! if you want to see it, go to Sunday's Drawfriend, #9!
See you soon!
Terrific as ever. I've given the details of what makes it great to you already, so I'll save myself all the tiresome typing, but I just wanted a visible comment here saying that this chapter is a fantastic part of a fantastic story. Keep up the great work.
VastaKustutaWhen I saw that this updated, I almost squealed with excitement. In front of my roommates. Dammit. Anyway, chapter 4 was awesome! I really cannot wait for the next one! No. seriously. I can't. Make it happen.
VastaKustutaneed moar.
VastaKustutathis story is amazing
You're fantastic Varanus. Spot on dialogue, snappy humor. But you can't go so long without updating anymore!
VastaKustutaThis fic... is kind of a guilty pleasure for me. I'm against slash pairings but the amount of emotion and care you see out of the characters in this fic really tugs at me.
VastaKustutaWow...Got done reading all 4 chapters. I started the story on a whim, simply wanting to see some more shipping stories for some reason. I did not expect to stumble upon this story and have my mind blown. Everything is captured excellently, from the emotions, to the humor, everything. And I know it's been said before, but chapter 3 was astounding. So much meaning and many ways to interpret it. This is a great story and I can't wait to read on :D
VastaKustutaChapter four is just as fantastic as all the rest. Your style flows so smoothly, and you have such a deft grasp of the language, it's a real joy to behold. Your little devices add such depth - like repeating the paragraph from the dream book: I thought you had just made a typo, but when I saw what you had done... simple brilliance.
VastaKustutaI just cannot get enough of this story, and every time I look over at the scroll bar and see I'm getting near the end of a chapter, I get a little panicky.
Impatiently awaiting the next installment.
my heart it goes hnnnnng
VastaKustutaPure. Poetry.
VastaKustutaThat was a great chapter. The whole thing radiated a sense of peace. I cannot wait for chapter 5! Keep up the great work!
VastaKustutaAnother wonderful chapter.
VastaKustutaAnd as for you, Mr. P.D. Trindall, you seem to forget that part of criticism is not simply about what something is but how it is. Others have attempted to point this out to you, but I'm not sure you get it as much as you say you do in your replies.
Your insistence that the metaphor and symbolism of chapter 3 was irrelevant to the plot is purely subjective. To be sure, I could tell where it was going, too, but I can do that with any story I read. Literary tropes tend to repeat, even with excellent writing, because the behaviors and experiences we write about repeat, which is the reason that the how is more important than the what when describing them. I, and others, praised the how in chapter 3 while you stayed firmly fixed on the what, which brings me to my other point: your assessment that the "exposition" added nothing to the plot was premature.
Since the story isn't finished yet, there's no way you can objectively say whether or not the information you received in one chapter is relevant or irrelevant in context. Personally, even without being able to read ahead, I felt the way in which Celestia's dream world was described went a long way toward refining her character. That being said, after reading chapter 4, I can already see how Celestia's perceptions of the metaphors and symbols in her dreams will be extremely relevant to the story from here on out, especially her misinterpretations and inhibitions.
And as for, "I begin to wonder why a multi-page dream sequence is necessary in the first place, if all it does is lessen the impact of a character's inner conflicts as they are later explored," that's purely a matter of opinion. Again, you need more context before you can make that value judgement, and not just from your experiences of other stories.
So... Painfully... Sweet... Uuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh...........
VastaKustutaFinaly! New chapter!
VastaKustutaI won't be long, since the story isn't finished yet. Anyway, very nice story, I like your style. Keep up the good work :D
VastaKustutaOkay Varanus, for this new chapter, you won't believe how many times I've gone back and read the scene where Celestia wakes Twilight up and teases her. And the scene shortly afterward where Twilight is in a blissful state thinking about it.
VastaKustutaThis story just might make a die-hard Twilestia shipper out of me.
Long chapter is long! I LOVE extra long chapters, like you don't even know. This was like an early christmas gift. I lurv you Varanus, I wish I'd gotten you something in return. Have this smiley instead. :3
VastaKustuta@Catharsis25
VastaKustuta@Specter Von Baren
@Vurtax
Wow,stop being me lol
I freaked out when it said "Chapter 4, End" because I thought it was all over. I don't want it to end, not yet. Then I looked back and noticed that every chapter ends that way. *sigh of relief*
VastaKustutaI admit, the Twilestia ship is rare here for a reason. The perception we get is a Mother-Daughter relationship from Twilight and Celestia.
VastaKustutaHowever, you managed to get around that by moving them beyond that to a mentor-student relationship. With a lot of dialogue and character development to support that as well!
My only complaint is I want to see more of your Luna. A good, strong Luna is my guilty pleasure and the few scenes we have seen her has fleshed her out quite well.
Also, Twilight is adorkable when she is flustered. I can just picture her expression when Spike asks her what she is doing rolling around cuddling a pillow! Ha! HA!
This is really, really good...
VastaKustutaI am happy I got to read this, it lightens my heart. Well done good author.
Been following this story from the inception. Chapter 4 is your strongest yet, literarily speaking. Your writing style is fresh and varied, and your dialog is rock-solid and in perfect character. 9.5/10 thus far.
VastaKustuta@86a510ac-2bb3-11e1-be7e-000bcdcb471e
VastaKustuta"And as for you, Mr. P.D. Trindall, you seem to forget that part of criticism is not simply about what something is but how it is. Others have attempted to point this out to you, but I'm not sure you get it as much as you say you do in your replies."
As I said before: "Chapter 3 is not a bad piece of work by any means. It's clear [the author] put a lot of care into the writing and (by and large) the dream sequence is well-executed, if wordy. I just don't think it fits well into this particular story, in this particular spot, or at this particular length." I'm only criticizing the 'what' because the 'how' of it is rather good, on the whole.
"To be sure, I could tell where it was going, too, but I can do that with any story I read.
[...]
Since the story isn't finished yet, there's no way you can objectively say whether or not the information you received in one chapter is relevant or irrelevant in context."
Interesting.
--
Solid chapter, by the way. Can't say I have any real complaints with this one. I still dislike Ch.3, but considering it's here to stay this is about as well as you could have done to keep the story rolling in its wake, so great job! I enjoyed this chapter. Far as the entire fic goes, Twilight's POV sections are probably my favorite. There's a nice sort of energy to them.
Minor stylistic gripe you might want to consider:
For thoughts, sticking them in italics is enough. You don't really need the single quotes, or the corresponding dialog tags — there's only one POV character, so we always know who's doing the thinking.
Anyway, nice work.
Wonderful story! Definitely 6/5!
VastaKustutaWith that said, I have to weigh in on the dream chapter. It's hard to make a dream compelling because there are no stakes involved. The only possible resulting plot point is a change in the dreamer's attitude. So, an entire chapter with only one plot point can seem... long.
On the other hoof, your dream mitigated the negatives somewhat by being interesting in and of itself and containing some very poetic symbology. (I still wonder if Twi's return from the horizon is a foreshadowing of something.)
The relationship between the characters is sweet and charming without being too saccharine and the consequences of it all (as well as a desire to discover what the experiment was and what went wrong) are compelling enough to make your story a real page-turner.
Looking forward to more!
I absolutely love this fic. Can't wait to see more.
VastaKustuta@Mister Morden Of course a strong Goddess of the Night would be favored BY ONE WHO WORKS FOR THE SHADOWS!! *accusational finger pointing!*
VastaKustutaThis is absolutely wonderful. Rarely if ever have I felt such a strong need to reach out and hug a princess. Your princesses and your TS are very well realised, your pacing admirable, and little details such as the guards' knocking codes a delight. I eagerly await your completion of this tale - it is the first fic ever to be moved into my own 'excellent' category prior to completion.
VastaKustutaOh Celestia... Can't wait for you to update this.
VastaKustutaI have to say I love seeing Twilight acting like a schoolfilly. It's so cute. XD
My heart exploded and then exploded again. This is making Twilestia a contender for favorite ship. Second will have to be TwilightXPillow.
VastaKustutaHmm. Shipping that manages to be believable yet maintains the charm of the show.
VastaKustutaThat dream... omg. When Twi started gathering the other elements... Basically my vision was blurry for the rest of chapter 3...
Chapter four had great scenes with Twi and then Celestia preening, but the 2nd half with the memories was kinda slow. The last bit made my heart ache a bit but not as satisfying as chapters 1 or 3. It's kind of like Star Trek movie syndrome. Ever 2nd one is the really good ones.
I'll toss my encouragement in too...
VastaKustutaThis story is incredibly vivid; you've got quite a way of painting the emotions of Twilight and Celestia. I can almost _see_ what they're feeling in each scene.
You've made a fan out of me, sir. I await your future installments. =D
First of all, thanks for the shout-out to my fic Celestia's Teeth!
VastaKustutaI'm not really a Twilestia shipper -- I see their relationship with more of a surrogate parent vibe -- but I really like what you've done with the characters, and your writing is vivid and flows well. The relationship between the Princesses is particularly well done.
My only complaint is that Celestia seems a bit *too* disoriented after the concussion. I'm not that familiar with concussions, but I'm under the impression that a concussion severe enough to cause that kind of long-term impairment would be at serious risk for hemorrhage or the like. Not something that can be cured with just bed rest.
That's a minor nitpick, though. I'm enjoying the story and look forward to future chapters!
Wow. This really is a great story. Keep up the good work!
VastaKustutaAutor on selle kommentaari eemaldanud.
VastaKustuta@canitnerd, and everyone else, really.
VastaKustutaI absolutely am still working on Composure. However, I'm going into my final semester in college atm, so am under a lot of stress and time constraints. This means the time and concentration available to me to write is cut down, and it's slowing me down.
The good news is, I've got 10k down and still have to hit several important points, SO! When I do update the story, it'll probably be even longer a chapter than any of the previous ones.
I've recently rethought the direction the story is going to take, and the end is solid in my mind. Expect some answers to Twilight's experiment, Celestia making certain realisations about her former student, and Trolluna.
The story is also up on FIMfiction, where you can contact me rather reliably if you have any thoughts or worries.
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/5623
Also, I'm going to take a moment to plug a really awesome story that was inspired by Composure:
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/5921/Eternal
While the underlining mythos and history is different, I can't help but see it as a dark reflection of Composure, since I've been chatting with the author and we're pretty much in synch with our outlook on the pairing.
'Eternal' looks at how self-destructive Twilight and Celestia's relationship can actually be. But don't let the 'Sad' tag scare you off, it's bittersweet at worst, has some seriously badass sequences and is totally worth your time.
Autor on selle kommentaari eemaldanud.
VastaKustuta@varanus: I like Eternal, but I love Composure. It's less depressing, for one. Given Celestia's millenias of experience in handling interpersonal relationships between ponies, this seemed like the more plausible outcome, instead of the madness in Eternal (But then again we're all still waiting for that last chapter to clear the whole mess up, so I can't say for sure). I was almost afraid you've stopped working on this, so it's great to hear from you.
VastaKustutaTake your time, and all the best in your studies. :D
I just finished re-reading this. Damn, still so good. I really can't wait for chapter 5.
VastaKustuta@Varanus
VastaKustutaOh god, it's so good to get confirmation that this is still being written. It's completely understandable that a writer might not have much time for writing, but it's still a bit nerve-wracking when you have no idea whether or not a beloved fanfic has been abandoned.
Keep being awesome, at writing and at school.
So... Hopefully an update soon? c:
VastaKustutaSorry, updates are going to be a while yet. See in my FIMfiction blog, college has to take priority.
VastaKustutaHere, have a preview to tide you all over.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gpeDQ5mBtICSo4NpVkGPS20-c2mfjZU-3yue5Ldly4E/edit
Just read the preview. It's nice to get some insight into some of that lost time between canon and the events in this story, moreso to see how it relates to her symbolism-heavy dream sequence. I, personally, didn't have any problem telling between the memories and the dreamstuff.
VastaKustuta"Or do you just want me to write several pages more of them screwing each other with their eyes?" As amusing as it is to read it described that way, I'm comfortable with the rate it's progressing. :P
I actually rather enjoy Luna's parts, I wouldn't mind seeing more of her. Especially if she gets a tiny bit matchmaker-y... I don't know why, but I'm fond of that characterization for her.
The preview was definitely interesting, but I can tell that it's rough. In general terms, I like the exploration of the dynamics of the relationship, and the ways it's changed recently. I like that Luna can create time for her and her sister in the dream world despite the difficulty of their schedules. I like the concept of music as the language of harmony.
VastaKustutaI think that I actually like that the hinting at their feelings for each other has toned down in this chapter, and that Twilight was able to answer 'no' with a perfectly straight face when asked if she's fallen in love.
I felt that some of the transitions need work to make them more clear and evident, because you don't want to confuse the reader when trying to convey a sense of transience. It definitely needs something more, to more concretely cement it all together.
Also, it would be interesting to see more of Luna's reactions here. Does Luna see what Celestia's nightmares were about through this? After all of Celestia's agonizing earlier, it might be interesting to have it suddenly out in the open.
Okay. First comment: I love this story.
VastaKustutaNext: I've also read the preview and here are my notes:
Mostly I have to agree, expand, and re-iterate previous statements.
When Celestia first falls asleep and we drift through her memories, it's a bit disorienting as to what precisely happens. But once I got used to that, I loved it. I loved how her memories intertwined with the symbolism of her previous dreams: in fact I would like to see the symbolism play a slightly larger role.
And.. I have to say.. it would seem completely appropriate that Luna outright knows the various things Celestia is keeping back (at least having a better guess about her nightmares and swallowed concerns) after everything she sees in Celestia's dreams, given what she had witnessed up to this point, and I too like the idea of her playing matchmaker more blatantly after witnessing Celestia's memories and dreams.
Give her characterization so far, I want to see Luna play a major role in either consoling Celestia through her problems better, or bringing her together with Twilight more.. or perchance both?
I dunno. All I know is that Luna is starting to witness more and get involved; I feel like she has to play a pretty big role in bringing the story to fruition, and that given her understanding nature before, and in this chapter, that she should play a positive role in things.
The prose did feel awkward at times, but it felt more together the further in I got, and besides some really awkward grammar in two or three spots I have no significant complaints.. sorry, I kinda got into the story and didn't pick out said parts with bad grammar.
And finally: I think you are progressing at a pretty fair rate with their relationship. They've screwed each other with their eyes plenty at this point: now is a good time to see things slowly progress forward (especially since we get a LOT of back story to how their relationship reached this point, making more dawdling and affectionate glances at each other further unnecessary,) perhaps they could reach it with a helping hoof from Luna.
Sorry to keep bringing her up: I just really feel like it would be appropriate for Luna to play a big role in this story with her involvement thus far. It just wouldn't feel right if she continues to just have bit parts and brief involvement.
I want to see her directly involved with them coming together, and the story coming to an end. Perhaps her coming scene with Twilight that was mentioned would be a good place to start; especially since she will have seen Celestia's memories and dream by then, and have a good clue about things..
I love what I've read so far! At the end of chapter 4, I smiled and cried some happy tears. This is beautiful. I know everything is far from resolved, but I love each and every chapter. I truly can't wait for the next one to be completed!
VastaKustutaY u no have more???!?""!!"!!!???!?
VastaKustutaY u no have more???!?""!!"!!!???!?
VastaKustutaY u no have more???!?""!!"!!!???!?
VastaKustutaNew chapter. Woo. Tell me what you think.
VastaKustuta@Varanus
VastaKustutaThis is a great chapter! It's been a while since I've read the rest of it but I think that this might be my favorite so far. This is up there on my list of favorite stories. Really well done!
Shorter than I'd hoped for, but very nice and relaxing. I appreciate how you take your character development slowly, and while I wish installments were more frequent I for one have absolutely no right to complain without being made a hypocrite.
VastaKustutaThe dynamic between Twi and Celestia's moments of vulnerability and subsequent attempts to shore themselves up again are what make this story, and that's beautifully present here.
I would appreciate... ahem, how should I put this... MOAR! Please.
VastaKustutaIs this story dead?
VastaKustuta