[Adventure] [Normal] [Light Shipping]
Author: Cloudy Skies
Description: Twilight and her friends are approached by Princess Luna who asks a few simple questions that trigger a long and perilous journey. Did you ever stop to wonder what became of Trixie, Gilda and Blueblood after your encounters? Who will benefit from seeking the answers - you, them, or I?Within and Without (All Links)
Additional Tags: Long, Peril, Perserverance, Self-Realization, Affection
211 comments:
This looks interesting, will gve it a read when i have time.
ReplyDeletewhee, finally up :D
ReplyDeleteWell, looks like I'll be reading this all in one go. This may be the idea I've been seeking to read without having to write it myself...
ReplyDeleteThe GREAT and POWERFUL Trevor is intrigued! *Starts to read the prologue*
ReplyDeleteIt's giving me a phishing warning.
ReplyDelete@David Johnston
ReplyDeleteAnyone else getting this? Is this a problem with any of the links? They're all simple gdocs. Not quite sure what to say, but it worries me, hrm.
I read it. Not my favourite kind of story. It is however very well written and very good.
ReplyDeleteThe only it i didn't like too much was luna's speech about immortality, it felt a bit depressing (though i think that was the intention). I'll read this to find out what happens as it updates though, it is good.
No phishing problems here.
ReplyDeleteThis is the best Luna I have ever seen. Write more.
ReplyDeleteWe're going to need more of this.
ReplyDeleteIts been to long since a new series started of this quality. I have nothing against shipping, I often enjoy it, I wonder if this story needs it though. Even if its light. Its basically what is standing in the way of this being able to feel like an actual episode. Still, I don't mind it I reckon. I just feel the story could have been as good without it, which probably would have broadened its audience.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, yeah, I don't think I've been this excited about a new series since Dangerous Business. It would be great if it would have a similar length, which it might very well have form the looks of it. I just hope you can pull if off. We have seen several very good fics lately that drop the bomb right at the end. Regardless, this is one I will be excited to see new chapter for, I just know it.
@Baree This is a lot darker than an episode, particularly once they get to the wooden town. Plus, we've got alcohol and possibly mild cursing depending on your locale.
ReplyDeleteOnly helps with this story, in my mind. It's a very serious insight into Luna and the past, and will hopefully continue to grow and expand as it goes.
A good read so far, I await the future chapters.
Thank you everypony who's replied, I am very eager to hear your thoughts!
ReplyDeleteIn response to some concerns:
I don't know if this insight is called for or even desired, but to explain; I'd rather put a "Light Shipping" tag than have people react in disgusted surprise when I don't shy away from using romance as a tool. I just set a very slow pace - it should be approximately 16-20 chapters total.
It IS a little dark at times, but I don't think it warrants the Dark or Sad tags. I'll see if people disagree as the story goes on, I guess!
I should update fairly rapidly and with multiple chapters at a a time. The next 2-4 chapters should go up before next weekend.
I like it so far.
ReplyDeleteIt is rather annoying though that Luna won't tell them why they are going on the journey.
Keep up the good work =D
I wonder if we're going to see a bit light Rarity and Blueblood shipping later, she seems awful concerned about what happened to him. I was quickly engrossed by this story much to the detriment of Monday morning Calc hw. If you can keep up the quality I have no doubt this story will find its way into my top 5.
ReplyDeleteOoh, an interesting take on Luna. There's still a lot going on under her surface that the story hasn't revealed yet so it's hard to say for sure whether I like it. I'm a fan of Happy Luna, and also Deific Luna and to some degree Penitent Luna. But I don't think I've seen Angry Luna before, and I don't think I've seen the main six so unsure of how to feel about her. I'll definitely keep reading this one to see where it goes.
ReplyDeleteLuna's little speech about immortality was nice, IMO. It matches my own feel about how the Royal Sisters and their as-yet-unknown ilk must deal with it. Remains to be seen just how relevant it will be to the rest of the story, though.
Its interesting, though the direction the story took near the end is making me a little nervous. I mean, they're going on this quest to resolve loose ends, and its not going to sit well with me if they end up making a bunch more in the process. To that end, if Winter Sun leaves the party without resolving her fear, I'm going to be sad.
ReplyDeleteThe writing and characters are solid though, so I'm expecting good things. Its got a smidgen of despairing sadness that makes me think that the life is pain, but I expect that this gets resolved before the end since it is pretty strong otherwise.
A general comment, though I hope it is not perceived as a spoiler; I avoided giving this the [Sad] tag for a reason. When I did so, I knew that the slow pacing and the incompleteness would probably raise some brows.
ReplyDeleteHeck, I would question it as a reader myself, but I hope nopony is put off by it. I rage hard at cliffhangers and unresolved issues myself. Don't read too much into this, though, please. I'll be very disappointed in myself if anyone feels they can see where this is going already!
I don't think there's any need for a [Sad] tag in this, personally.
ReplyDeleteThis is good. I can't wait for a new chapter. I also haven't seen any shipping yet so maybe it's between Twilight and Trixie. Keep up the good work! :)
ReplyDeleteI hope you don't take my previous comment as a criticism. It was really just the impression I got, and I realize that the story is just getting ramped up.
ReplyDelete@icekatze
ReplyDeleteOh I didn't take it as such - or rather, I take it as a legitimate concern, but I can't very well respond to it directly without spoiling, either! But you are correct; the ramp-up is slow. If there was a major tag called [Really Slow], I'd use that.
And, @Bmoreravens12 - I suppose it isn't obvious, but most people would probably assume from the tag and the picture that it's TwiLuna, and they would be correct. It's just very slow.
Thanks to everyone who's given me their thoughts so far, though! I'd respond in detail to everypony, but a lot of this really is stuff that can't really be commented on until I've laid all cards on the table I guess. I can only repeat my hopes for a very rapid update schedule. No one-chapter-per-two-weeks crap.
I'm a big fan of slow. All if this I find to be excellent news. 16 -20 chapters.... So awesooome!
ReplyDeleteI'm really excited for this story now :P
@Cloudy Skies
ReplyDeleteIf people read closely you definitely drop some solid hints, especially in chapter 5, about TwiLuna. I'm a big fan of how you've handled the beginnings of that relationship, it both subtle and believable and seems to enhance the story(Luna's turmoil in particular) rather than just be thrown in for the sake of a romance.
Just as the Mane 6 are curious I'm also wondering what purpose this quest serves. The prologue would seem to indicate that Luna intends to shape them towards some greater role in conjunction with the diarchy. Can't wait to find out what is entailed with that but have the feeling that particular plot point might not be resolved for awhile.
Ah...Within and Without?
ReplyDelete"And you realize you're really very small
And life flows on within you and without you."
Yes? So I'll go read it now.
Very well written, but I'm nit sure if Winter Sun is still with them.
ReplyDeleteI don't even know what to say about this. It is good. LONG. But good. Has a "real" feeling to it. Voted 5 stars anyway.
ReplyDeleteIt's kinda strange to see ponies in such a realistic world. Props to Pinkie getting more random as she gets drunk. And the muffin that was barely able to fit in the oven before cooking it. "But on the bright side I got the day off!"
ReplyDeleteAh, another fic from my favorite author. I just hope this is as good as Building Bridges. :)
ReplyDeleteThough from what I've seen in the comments, I shant be disappointed.
This story has gotten my rapt attention so far. The depth of personality that Luna has in this story is very interesting. Her speech on immortality was very dark and on the mark.
ReplyDeleteThe Mane six keep their personalities intact and appropriate as well, which I heartily approve of.
Looking forward to the next chapter!
Definitely liking what I've read so far. I must agree with musicssound in saying that the ponies in such a realistic environment is rather... odd. Especially the drunkenness scene, though I feel you've taken the right creative liberties with the characters, something reflecting in the molted feather scene in Building Bridges, for example.
ReplyDeleteAlso correct me if I'm wrong, but the scene where Twilight walks in on Pinkie and Dash, sort of reminds me of the "Morning Egghead" fanart for Building Bridges. Was that an inspiration for that particular part? It seemed to remind me of that particular image in any case.
Anyway, I can't wait to read some more. Keep it up.
The story is very enjoyable so far. Every time I start to feel frustrated by the angst, you throw in just enough D'awwww to lighten it up. And I can see the Twi/Luna coming around slow but in the mean time the borderline Dasie/Pie is adorable.
ReplyDeleteHhm... Not seeing the reason for the shipping tag in this.
ReplyDelete@Specter Von Baren
ReplyDeleteIts the first 5 of a, according to the author, a 16-20 chapter story no need hammer us with the ship from the get go.
Humm, interesting so far from what I see. There is potential for a good long complex story started here. Right now it sorta seems kinda bad, but, in a way, thats not too suprising, you have 6-7 people that are now being togeather, and learning things about each other that thay never would have learned before.
ReplyDeleteEveryone holds secrets inside, points of pain and happyness that thay fear to share. Dark parts of themselves that thay do not speak of for fear of making there friends fear them. Things about themselves that thay fear.
In a way, this sotry is touching apon that. I expect a part of the beging that was missed, both Celestia and Luna are worried, because there subjects fear them. It might not be the fear of a horrable dictator, but there is still fear there. It feels like Celestia is, well resigned to the fear, but, Luna is pissed off about it. I might be missreading it, but, that is how I saw it. I also expect that Luna wants the six to take a more active role in equestria, will be interesting in how that works out.
As for the shipping, I am kinda confused by the term, as it is not one I have heard before finding this fandom. Seems to relate to anything dealing with any sort of simi close interaction between any chars. If such is the case, there has been several cases of it, though mostly pretty minor, the sorta thing you would expect to find among a group of friends that are older teens/young adult stage of life. Humm, acrtualy, considering the majority of folks, might want to think more in the young adult to middle aged. Cause even in my lifespan, the time one is expected to make ones own way has changed. I rather thought it was cute the little bit of Dash/Pinkie relationship, and I am guessing people totaly glazed over the Rarity/Fluttershy bits.
you know, its authors like you that make all of our jobs harder.
ReplyDeletewhen you write something so increadbly brilliant, you need to understand it makes all our stuff look worse!
(that was half jokeing, but it really is so good as to make my stuff look worse)
I do have 1 little quibble. I would think the Mane 6 would have a little more fortitude during Luna's exhibition of power due the them actually having faced down nightmare Moon (a more powerful version of Luna) as well as having wielded the apparently single most powerful magic in Equestria.
ReplyDelete@DPV111
ReplyDeletePersonally I'd chalk that up to them not expecting Luna to behave as she did. Caught them unaware.
Ok, finally getting around to reading this.
ReplyDeleteLet's see...
It's nice to see an adventure that isn't "zomg ancient evil", though some things, especially chapter 5, still push it into the 'sigh' category for me on that front.
Luna is....different. Certainly. It feels off, seeing how so many fics portray her in a certain way, one might almost think the dissenters are right. But time will tell.
Trixie being Phoenix? Obviously. Maybe not as much as Enigma...but still. /Phoenix.
I noticed a lot of "noone" and so on, including a use a "people". Minor, but kinda throws one for a loop reading FiM fics.
Also, the line ""Twilight had to get more intimate with a potted plant than she would have liked"....I don't know if that was an intentional reference to episode 23, but it made me giggle a bit at the thought.
Yay comments! Thank you for all your replies. To address some concerns (omitting anything I can't comment on as this is in-progress) -
ReplyDeleteRe: Encouraging comments - You are my wine and bread. Thank you! I am very glad to hear of it whenever someone's enjoyed something about this story!
Re: Shipping concerns - It is a TwiLuna ship, and yes, it's terribly slow, sorry.
@Baree: I can say I have it planned out, at least, so while I can't tell whether it'll be as awesome as I hope, I can say I believe and hope it'll stay consistent.
@Kyle_Katarn/musicssound: I have indeed tried for something slightly "realistic", or at least whatever that word means in this setting, hah. We'll see if it's considered a strength or a weakness later on, but thank you for your thoughts nevertheless!
(And, I didn't think about it at the time, but when you mention it, I guess the description IS very similar to SmittyG's awesome picture, actually!)
@Alyeskabird: While I can't comment on the majority of your post for fear of spoiling, I can say that the shipping elements (aka the romance) will be more prevalent as the story goes on, I guess, but that's obvious since it has the tag and there hasn't been a lot of romance yet.
I chucked the "Affection" subtag in there, because I am a huge softie, but it's never going to be graphic or even "very hot".
@Melodia: If you're apprehensive about the "ancient evil" trope, I hope to pleasantly surprise you, because I never wished to adhere fully to stereotypes.
On the Luna, it is perhaps natural she'll feel off. This is in part because I allegedly have a slightly non-fanon variant, but also because she's major enough in the story that I'm trying to give her depth. Time will tell indeed!
(For the record, I find the idea of an established fanon for a major character with all of two lines to be absurd. I love the fic about Sepia Tock for what it does.)
The use of "noone" is a typo of course, as is most cases of "people", but the astute observer will notice that there is a pattern to the use of everyone/someone vs everypony/somepony.
If I were Twilight, with the whole thing about spells going awry and teleporting her friends to the other side of Equestria, I could see how it would play out if I were in her... Hooves?
ReplyDelete*Tries new spell to clean bed sheets, away from friends, in tree house, nothing could go wrong!*
*Suddenly, EVERYONE IS TELEPORTED TO THE OTHER SIDE OF EQUESTRIA.*
"W..Whaaa... WHAT THE F-" Precision F-bomb without a doubt.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete@Scorched Wing
ReplyDeleteThis.. is actually very interesting, because I have never read any Lovecraft in my entire life. It's something I never quite got around to. The title was picked on a whim because it fit, but I've no idea what you're referring to - can I ask the name of the work?
As such, anyway, you can pretty much assume that I'm not following any script.
Oh my word, a glorious update! I renounce my sleep! *scurries off to read*
ReplyDeleteWow, I'm sorry, wrong f*cking story., my bad! I should get some sleep.
ReplyDeleteThis one - Within and Without - is actually really good (and has nothing to do with Lovecraft whatsoever). I've been looking forward to these updates!
ReplyDelete@Scorched Wing
ReplyDeleteOh, haha, had me worried for a second there. Like, hammering-F5-heart-in-my-throat worried. I mean, I may be a messy-head, but if I was recreating books I haven't read, I should look for another job. Medium, perhaps. Thanks for the clarification!
By the way, 'Celestia's Privates' is now my favorite curse, best used in the company of royalty.
ReplyDelete@Cloudy Skies
ReplyDeleteDon't worry about the slow ship of Twiluna! Rushing a ship is what makes it not work. You need to show the relationship forming gradually over time, otherwise it just feels forced. Which you have thankfully shown no danger of falling into.
I am hoping to see more updates soon, keep up the good work on the story.
Aaaaaargh. I want to read this but I need to sleep. Jack Daniels said so. Tomorrow... tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteliked the story up until the completely implausible shipping at the end of chapter 9.
ReplyDeleteMr. Cloudy Skies, you torment me. I love your take on Luna's and Twilight's interactions and then you take that away and replace it with a friendship that in canon and fanon I've never been wild about, Gilda and Dash(probably my least favorite episode of the season). Such a tease. Twilight's dreams/nightmares, well, I really want to know what is going on there.
ReplyDeleteStill a well written piece and definitely some enjoyable chapters, I enjoy the griffin politics but I've gotta say the triangle was kinda meh for me. I think personal bias could well be skewing my viewpoint there though.
I guess it'd be weird for me to apologize when I don't exactly regret it, and I've planned most of these things well in advance, but I'm sorry if certain elements aren't to everyone's tastes.
ReplyDeleteNext four chapters should be up in the middle of next week if things go according to plan.
Just idle bitching and moaning on my part. Don't get my last comment wrong, I don't think the story needs altering, just the subject matter for 7, 8, 9 are somewhat less interesting for me, but necessary.
ReplyDeleteI view it in the same vein as Frodo and Sam hiking to Mordor in LOTR. Do I enjoy the politics and battles in Rohan and Gondor more, yes but I can enjoy the hiking parts for their relative merits and for the fact they are necessary for advancing the story. That's how I viewed the last few chapters.
Looking forward to the next chapters. I'm curious to see how things go with Twilight.
ReplyDeleteWhoa wait, hang on a pony-pickin' minute here. Er, "triangle"? Have I implied something I didn't mean to imply, suddenly?
ReplyDeleteThis comment contains spoilers!
ReplyDeleteSince Pinkie and Dash are together, and since Gilda has romantic feelings toward Dash, shouldn't the tag be changed from "light-shipping" to "shipping?"
Also, this is a very well written adventure story, and I'm excited to read what happens next. :)
@Erroneous
ReplyDeleteThe reason the tags are as they are is because it isn't a major point of the story; I can only repeat that tagging this was a nightmare for me, but I think it should feel.. more correct than alternatives, overall. I hope.
But thank you! And thanks to everypony else who's made encouraging comments, too! Please don't underestimate how much a kind word or two means to a writer!
@Cloudy Skies
ReplyDeleteTriangle may have been an poor word choice since Pinkie and Gilda have no interest in each other, I apologize for my confusing word choice(it was after 1 am and I was tired).
Judging by Twilight's magical "owning" of the griffon assault party, it seems like one of the goals of this trip was to increase the power of the elements of harmony, still curious to what end though. They're nice and all but why are the elements needed in Equestria going forward?
@iastfan112
ReplyDeleteNo, triangle is the right word. Dash is the point while Pinkie & Gilda are the lines. But the third line isn't drawn in between Pinkie and Gilda. If it was all three, then it'd be a threesome. (Would that be GilPieDash, in that case?)
Just blew through the last four chapters of this and I agree that it's the adventures along the way that make the story, but was that it for Trixie? They found her name, learned that she's preaching a new gospel of Trixie, and they shift their attention to Gilda?
@Nightbreak Knowing the way this fandom views Trixie, that's not it. I think they are just saving Trixie for the third-and-final case, with the up-to-now being an attention-grabber.
ReplyDeleteIf that is all we hear of Trixie, I'll be disappointed, but I don't think it will be.
The Pinkie Dash scene in chapter Nine had me dawwing.
ReplyDeleteVery well written. Can't wait to read more.
@Somepony Else
ReplyDeleteWell, not *everybrony* views Trixie like that. Most of us do, sure. But I do tend to look forward to fics that promise a decent redemption of her and her little ego.
@Nightbreak
ReplyDeleteI agree with Somepony Else, I don't think so. Cloudy Skies at one point said 16-20 Chapters and I can't see Rarity's mostly internal struggle of self worth, via Blueblood, taking up that many chapters. Will be interesting to see who Cloudy handles next Blueblood or Trixie. I lean towards Somepony Else and Trixie being the last "issue" handled. Or perhaps we'll have a thus far unrevealed twist thrown at us. Whatever the case may be, I'm looking forward to more.
Ok, Dash and Pinkie are now out in the open. But there's no surpirse there, it was obvious. I wonder about Rarity and Fluttershy, but I can't see this being one of those fics where everypony of the mane 6 has a crush on one of the mane 6, and somehow we end up with three pairs instead of one pair and a third pony with a broken heart. So for now I'll assume there is nothing going on between any of the others.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I enjoyed these chapters just as much as the other ones. Indeed, a bit sad that Luna left. I'm sure she will be back though, and it didn't make me enjoy the chapters any less. Gilda is a bit awkward in the role you have given her. I love it when she scolds Dash though, nice scene there. And... the streak of excess red... Funny stuff. Doesn't make sense, but it doesn't need to. Still funny. And as far as I am aware its not been done before, not exactly like this anyway.
It IS an engaging story.
ReplyDeleteLet me just say that almost all your choices regarding characterisation and backgrounds run diametrically opposed to what I would write (If, at some point, I manage to put to paper more than haphazard notes and scribbles). If this trend keeps up, perhaps we will be able to predict the path our respective stories will take on the basis of what we ourselves would not write... Now wouldn't that be strange?^^
I do have one questions though; It's certainly not a big deal.
The guard traditionally swears loyalty to both Princesses... One of which wasn't around for a millenium. None of the six main characters seemed to have heard of Luna before they confronted Nigthmare Moon, not even studious Twilight. Did the guard never wonder about the wording of their vow, when from what we can tell, most ponies had no idea there was a second Princess?
@Cloudy Skies
ReplyDeleteThanks for the response, I suppose you're right about realistic being a relative term here. I think it's just the little bits of the world that were controlling everything in the show from taking longer than 22 minutes and also keeping everything light-hearted just let go and gave way to pubs and wondering over the fates of previous "enemies" that before were never thought of again. Those heartless ponies. Well, until this fic came out.
Back on why I responded, I'm still wondering my first post, relating to the title?
"And you realize you're really only very small
And life flows on within you and without you."
Right? Or unrelated?
I hate you now, Cloudy. You are a jerk. How dare you. How dare you make me like Gilda. Ffffffff.
ReplyDelete@Nickel Gunner
ReplyDeleteI can't tell whether I'll comment further on it in this fic, but I have my own take on that, aye! It's a very good question though.
@musicssound
It's funny - Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band is the only Beatles album I own, but no, it's unrelated, though actually terribly fitting!
this should be a my little pony movie
ReplyDeleteWell played, well played indeed.
ReplyDeleteI actually had to stop and read the scene where Twilight loses control of her magic twice, not because it didn't make sense, but because it was so awesome. And now I might just have to go re-read that whole last chapter just to make sure I didn't miss something.
Finally got around to reading the next parts...which probably means new ones are coming soon and I'll yet again take a while to read them.
ReplyDeleteHeh.
I'm not usually one for shipping, but that scene at the end of chapter 9 was really well done. So well done in fact that I was obliged to draw some fan art of it.
ReplyDeletehttp://ponibooru.413chan.net/post/view/54549
Still not sure how you're going to pull Twiluna out of your hat though...
@icekatze
ReplyDeleteI naturally cannot answer your question directly, I can only say that I hope to not disappoint, considering the slow pace.
The "16-20 chapters" is rapidly looking like "Whoops, I meant 21" thing, and since TwiLuna is one of the main points of the entire story, I am wondering if there is a way I can live up to the expectations (including my own) any more.
Not meaning to sound defeatist of course! I am cautiously optimistic and hopeful 'till the end here.
I also just realized this story got a bit longer than I had hoped. While chapters 10-13 will be out in a few days, the "pre-S2" thing is looking unlikely, suddenly, and I'll have to deal with the possibility of a canon contradiction if Luna is in Ep1/2. Eugh.
More importantly anyway: Holy crap, that is awesome and super sweet! I actually saw it on ponibooru earlier today - before I checked the comments. I went all "D'aw, so cute! The line seems vaguely familiar, did I use it, too?"
Early onset memory loss is not my friend. All the same, I am honored and thrilled, thank you!
Very well written and thoroughly enjoyable! I've only gotten through Chapter 2 so far but I had to comment now because I'm so happy to have finally gotten to a fic that respects the source material! Luna is believable and the Mane 6 are in-character.
ReplyDeleteSo far you've kept the essence of each character without simply repeating tired, old, cliche lines.
Even your scene work keeps close to the spirit of the show. I can see Dash doing the "long-neck" thing from the kitchen while she gets more and more messed up. You're visually descriptive comedy is spot-on.
I'm also glad there are many more chapters to come. I don't mind the dark-ish bits at all because they're there for good, solid reasons having to do with the story... not emotionally manipulative crap that's thrown in just to try and jerk tears from your readers. (Like some fics I could name but won't.)
You also really get that royalty/subject dynamic that so many authors fail to grasp. Your Luna works wonderfully, for me.
Thanks again for the wonderfully fun fic! I was beginning to loose hope of finding another one.
D´aaaaw. And now I need more of it.. It started out sad but its getting happier :) Yay!
ReplyDeleteAh horseapples, a cliffhanger! Those were some excellent chapters, 12 and 13 especially so, Cupcake Catapult had my side in stitches. I want more really really badly!
ReplyDeleteUpdate?! My body is ready.
ReplyDeletewhen do you plan on updating new chapters? I don't want to rush you but I really love this story and where its going
ReplyDeleteNoooo! Why a cliff hanger!?
ReplyDeleteCloudy Skies, you are a mean pony for torturing us like this. Just kidding, please keep the chapters coming!
These latest ones are probably the best yet. Also really curious to find out what happens with Trixie.
@cloudynight408
ReplyDeleteSo far I've done 4 chapters per week, and while I am currently down with a cold, I expect I'll keep to that "schedule", loosely.
I see no reason why chapters 14-17 shouldn't be up next weekend at the very latest. Thank you for your interest!
(And thank you to everypony else who've commented!)
@Cloudy Skies
ReplyDeleteHey, just a quick question for clarification. At several points you describe someone opening a door as "the door went up". What kind of door is this that goes up?
Sorry for double post but also huh?
ReplyDelete"...If she wasn't given cause to believe anything else, if she was intentionally kept in the dark by the princess, then it was simple. There was a dragon at the top of the mountain
The door to the room creaked..."
@DPV111
ReplyDeleteThe longer excerpt there was intended as metaphor, but it may be that the sentence could be worded better. Apologies; as I try to speed up, some minor mistakes slip the net.
As for the concept of doors going "up" - it makes sense in my native language, and was poorly "translated" in my mind. I just never paused to consider it; I'll add it to my fix-list for when I do a revision, thank you!
one of the best 6 and a half hours of time i have ever had the pleasure to spend reading. excellent work and i look forward to seeing the next part as soon as it is done.
ReplyDeleteHey Cloudy! I haven't said this about any story on this site before, but here's all my stars. All of them! They are yours, take them.
ReplyDeleteI have read all 13 chapters from start to "end" in a row, and I have Loved every minute of it.
In my opinion this is hands down the best adventure story on EQD.
I have easily been able to follow the characters, they have felt Right all the time, and your Luna has been just wonderful.
Some spoiler warning below.
The way Twilight and Luna have been slowly falling in love with each other have been all throughout beautiful. All too often the love in TwiLuna or Twixie stories seem to develop in no time at all, but in this story it have felt like it's been slowly growing during their weeks together. It has been wonderful to read, and makes me feel much more strongly for it than I usually would.
Previously, my favourite TwiLuna story have been "Spark", but you have finally managed to push it down a notch. at least when it comes to a nice and believable romance.
You've also managed to make Pinkie Pies randomness, and the way the characters react to her, shine through spectacularly. I can't tell you how much I loved the sunflower joke, or the way she was "surfing" on that griffin. Two clear laugh out loud moments. They are sprinkled throughout the story, and they all fit! It's wonderful.
The only times I feel like Pinkie Pie is out of character is when you deal with her romance with Dash. But that might be because I personally loath that pairing. I can't even start relating to it, the instant it appears in any fic I think Pinkie in particular get spectacularly out of character. But that's a personal peeve of mine and nothing that reflects badly on the fic as a whole, even if I do rant on it.
I can't Wait for the next chapter! I'm now looking forward to this just as much as I do with Fallout: Equestria. I really can't give a higher praise than that!
I am not even reading my friends fanfic because I saw this. Sorry Plat don't hurt me!?
ReplyDelete@Cloudy Skies Have you ever thought about making a chapter about luna? I mean like you know describing what she feels for twilight an the other ponies and what she wrote to princess celestia and stuff like that. Also hope you get better soon.
ReplyDeleteI can only assume that its what you're aiming for, but I can't help but find myself constantly worrying about the well being of the characters, even though there has been numerous prophetic assurances that everything will be alright in the end.
ReplyDeleteOne of the things that has bugged me since the start is just how messed up Luna is. I don't think anypony with problems that deep could manage a relationship that is anywhere remotely near the vicinity of healthy. So I was reassured when Twilight insisted on dealing with those problems before considering anything else.
Excellent story so far! Solidly among my top 5 favorites.
ReplyDeleteI cant wait for the next chapters! Got my friend into this too, we love it so much. You managed to get a darker, more serious mlp while still keeping the attitude of the mane 6, and having lighthearted moments.
ReplyDeleteThank you, once again, for the kind comments! I cannot overstate how much it means to me. While I realize a lot of folk will wait for complete before reading, I could never have finished this without encouragement, feedback and critique. So thank you, truly!
ReplyDeleteThe next four chapters are submitted and are presumably at the mercy of the fic update machine, which is overloaded, I hear.
@cloudynight408: This story, at least, is intended to be almost completely single PoV except special circumstances. I hope you'll like what you find in the epilogue and such, though, since that may be in the vein of what I think you ask for.
@icekatze: It really is what I'm aiming for; I like digging deep in my mood expeditions. Er, or some other appropriately silly metaphor. If the tags feel wrong to many ponies when the fic is complete, I'll see about asking to have them changed (if possible) and/or apologizing, but so far, so good?
@Zanzibar: I am not sure I feel deserving of the praise, but I do appreciate it! I wanted to comment on one thing though: The one gripe you have aside, I am thrilled you like the Pinkie, because writing Pinkie = My biggest fear, hooves down.
I almost died when I read that you submitted the next 4 I CANNOT WAIT :D
ReplyDeleteOh cruel update machine! Why would you not let me read this wonderful story?
ReplyDeleteCloudy Skies, I have been reading this on my Kindle on my daily commute. I have to say, I love the way the story has turned out. I eagerly await getting the next section onto it so I can have something good to read on my commute to work and home every day!
Which fanfic kept me up until 1:00 AM even though I'm sick? THIS fix did! Last one to do that was Past Sins.
ReplyDeleteGood god, I haven't read anything this compelling in a very long time. I love the thought and planning you put into it: lots of hints and signs that were there all along, but are much deeper in retrospect. They give the story surprising reread value.
ReplyDeleteMaybe I need to find done better books, but I like this work more than any published paperback I read in ages. Realty.
This has me hooked, i can't wait to read the rest.
ReplyDeleteIf kind words are what keeps you going, understand that i read chapters 1 through 17 in a single sitting because it was just that good, Very deserving of it's current rating.
Oh man... I love this!
ReplyDeleteI can't help but say this... This story is deeply touching and goes right to the core of many of the characters, exploring them in ways that both amaze and are highly realistic at the same time.
ReplyDeleteYou have a very dedicated fan, and I cannot wait to read what more you have.
Happy ending where Twilight and Luna live happily ever after. I want one.
ReplyDeleteTo borrow a Dash phrase, "Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh....., that was awesome! I liked that Fluttershy and AJ got more focus as they've been something of background ponies for the most part(especially Fluttershy). I did not see Dash-Shy coming, but in retrospect you did drop some hints. I'm unsure if I'm a fan of that pairing in this setting. Probably will take a reread after the full story is out to decide for sure. I'm pretty sure you've sealed the deal with this being my favorite handling of a Twiluna ship.
ReplyDeleteI just finished chapter 17, and I am bursting with happiness! I cant even fathom how to explain how good that was! I seriously cant even figure out what to say about how good it was. Thanks for writing such an awesome story.
ReplyDeleteTo give a clearer sign on how much I loved this These 4 chapters> Season 2 premier, for srs...and I thoroughly enjoyed the premier!
ReplyDeleteYea I actually missed the last half of the episode, and once I found out this was updated I read this before finishing the episode :D
ReplyDeleteOh wow... That was very much an unexpected turn of events...
ReplyDeleteMénage à trois between Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash. Did not see that one coming! But than again, I can definitely see Pinkie Pie being the one to suggest such a thing.
I also did catch hints there that the Mane Six are immortal now as the Bearers of the Elements... Maybe Luna and Twilight will have their happily ever after?
Wait, so Gilda's father was the reaon for her problems.
ReplyDeleteFluttershy has a hangup because she was left by her father.
Blueblood is simply a jerk (unlike Trixie and Gilda) and doesn't deserve closure (unlike the female characters). Aguably also suffered less severe consequences for his actions; Arguably, because we'll never know.
Maybe I'm overanalysing things here, but the story appears... a little lopsided.
@Everypony: Thank you for your thoughts, feedback and encouragement! Seriously, reading this stuff is what makes the delicious sleepless nights and hammering my head against the keyboard all that much sweeter.
ReplyDeleteThe last batch might take a little longer than a week, but next update will be the final 3-5 chapters, plus epilogue. I think.
[Possible minor spoilers up to ch17 below]
@Nickel Gunner: Whenever something written passes a certain length, you'll always have ample room to interpret it as supporting certain agendas.
All I can say is that I hadn't ever even thought of it like that, I guess. If you choose to read more into it, I'm not saying you're wrong; interpretation is a bit like that, every reading experience is unique!
If I were to try to "defend" myself, it'd be that the Rarity/BB arc was fairly early to be tagged as "more about Rarity", and there are no real common traits between Gilda and Fluttershy's fathers.
@Mister Morden: Part of what I wanted to do with that particular element (ch16) was try to make it less simple; I did a boatload of revisions on the chapter because I did not want people to look at it and think it was simply "kablam, triangle".
While it's unlikely that the situation will be explored a lot more outside of an epilogue, I avoided using the word "love" too much there for a reason, and I wanted to hint at something more delicate and complex that can't be described that easily.
@iastfan112: If you actually saw those hints, I am impressed, because I truly thought I had been subtle enough that people would have to go back and look for them! One particular little hint breaks my heart just thinking about it.
@Cloudy Skies
ReplyDeleteDon't get me wrong, at first I was "Where the hell did that come from?!?" but I immediately started thinking over the story and realized that you definitely could've been indicating Fluttershy-Dash. Two most noticeable examples(again I thought nothing of these at the time) are the reason Fluttershy traveled after flight school and just her general attitude as they left Clawford and were heading back to Equestria. They take on more meaning after leaning what we did on this update. Moments of Dash loving Fluttershy are harder for me to recall though.
*start reading at 8:30 PM to get in what I think is a nice little diversion while drifting off to sleep*
ReplyDelete*Finish at 1:00 AM and post my enjoyment*
*20 minutes later a bunch of new chapters are posted*
...damnit...
@Cloudy Skies
ReplyDeleteOhoho, If you think I'm full of crap you can just tell me so!
Seriously though, I never wanted to accuse you of any "agenda". Perhaps I AM full of crap; After all, that's three things out of a story that's 17 chapters now, and the fact that I sort of like the prince but not Trixie might be clouding my vision.
And I know you declared in advance the focus would be on the main cast, plus Luna Trixie and Gilda; You are correct in saying that decrying this when you warned about this in advance isn't fair.
Your new chapters were still lovely Cloudy Skies. I had great fun reading them!
ReplyDeleteSpoiler warning.
The romance between Pinkie, Dash and Fluttershy doesn't really feel very fitting though. I can't say that I saw it coming, but I can't say I think it adds or detracts from the story as a whole. But you should change the story tag from "light shipping" to simply "shipping". This story really is full of it.
And was Lunas arguments against Twilight really supposed to be so weak? I mean, she was claiming that she wasn't just protecting herself, but Celestia too? And she was worried that Twilight would have something against Celestia from seeing that memory? I couldn't see what was so horrible about it, except possibly the way the magic ruined the city. It did more or less kill everyone in it, and it was Celestia who choose to do that, rather than to kill Luna. If I understood it all?
Anyway, I can't wait for next week! Shame you're not uploading them elsewhere, or I would have followed you in an instant!
[Fairly big spoilers/exposition up 'till and including Chapter 17 here!]
ReplyDelete@Nickel: Oh wow, when I read the first sentence, I was worried you were serious, but I hope you meant it as a joke, because I never meant to imply that!
But yeah: The fact that I may have my "bases covered", so to say, doesn't really make your point invalid. It can be read as an antipatriarchal message, truly; I just have to repeat that it's not intended, is all!
@Zanzibar: I knew that what people read as a PinkieDashShy wouldn't be to everypony's tastes. I can only stress (and hope to show!) that it really isn't meant as a three-way romance. A pre-reader friend advised me to drop it altogether, but I kept it because it felt odd when I removed it. I have a story in my head, and at times, it feels like I don't have a choice in how it ends.
As for the second paragraph, I'm not sure I agree that they were weak reasons; Equestria has known Celestia as a kind, benevolent ruler for a thousand years now. To see her for what she is, and what she is capable of, that's a bit of a shock.
But more than that, it's about shame and feeling she doesn't deserve the help. Luna's particular brand of self-loathing is, to her, justified and absolute. She doesn't see it as self-hatred, but as protecting everypony from herself, and the memory is dear to her. As she says, it is her lullaby. It is what she lives and breathes, though she doesn't quite appreciate how much it kills her.
I'm sorry if that was a bit too much exposition, and I don't mean to say that you are "wrong" - I think, with the ridiculously long buildup to the reveal of chapter 17, it's easy to feel cheated, and I won't hide from that, I can only apologize if it felt underwhelming, and thank you for your feedback!
For the record, I do have a Deviantart account ( cloudyskieswrites.deviantart.com ) but uploading Within and Without in bits and pieces there is going to take forever, so I'm waiting until I finish the story, blah.
@Cloudy Skies
ReplyDeleteI can see now that there isn't going to be "love" in that Dash/Pinkie/Shy relationship. They are just giving Flutteryshy a place to be. She has deep seated abandonment issues and feared losing Dash for good when she went off with Pinkie.
Also, Rarity's comment "Oh, how modern of you..." gave me a good chuckle.
One last thing I have that I must wonder about, how did Celestia grasp the situation between Luna and Twilight so quickly? A glance at her faithful student and she knew exactly what she needed? Sorry to knit pick, but that is my only concern with the update.
@Mister Morden
ReplyDeleteI think you just described my intent better than I ever could, actually, so thank you for that, hah!
But yeah, as for the question, it'll probably be obvious in the next update, though it's not exactly a major plot point. What I will say is that Celestia did not look for details of events in Twilight's eyes at all.
Cloudy Skies,
ReplyDeleteI am not sure why this fic hasn't reached 6 stars. I have followed this fic since the first hour of its release.
Your writing is very detailed without going overboard, you say a lot with very little. The tone of your story is dark without being dark. Is that even possible? "Intense, stunning and breath-taking," would be three words I would use should I describe this story as a critique.
I have HUGE amounts of respect for you for pulling some 7,500 words/chapter TIMES 4 per WEEK. Most ponies only write around 10~15K words per chapter and they don't even release as frequently. With that in mind I can overlook the one or two missed edits I find in each chapter. (That editing part is difficult)
On to the actual story. The detail you have put in setting and landscape, along with major events mixing canon and fanon together, is simply remarkable. You have managed to place a time-line with these events, their location and bring it out in a completely believable fashion, which Rarity would be proud of. The way you portray the Mane 6 + 2 is dead on.
At this point I am still so dumbfounded because of the pure epic awesomeness that I can't think strait. I have only read 2 other fanfics that have moved me emotionally as this one has. I look forward to all future works you produce.
And somehow I missed last update. So much reading today.
ReplyDeleteI dunno....that final chapter was kinda annoying quite frankly. I like the story for the most part, but the Twi/Luna thread is so....I dunno. Just so....weird.
Kinda saw the flutterdash coming, but not the outcome. Saw it come due to foreshadowing, not sloppy writing. Excellent story and was so happy to see the new chapters.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis fic is so indescribably amazing, it has my mind in a frenzy of emotion reflecting on what I had just read, the feeling of it is just so warm. Thanks for writing this story, you've captured the eyes of many people.
ReplyDelete@Ice Storm
What would these other two fics be?
Spoiler warning again.
ReplyDelete@Cloudy Skies
Oh don't get me wrong here. I didn't think there was too much exposition. I actually love the time you take with every scene, and the detail you put into it.
I suppose that I just think Twilight would be the one Least surprised by any show of power that Celestia can give. Being her personal student, and given how you've also described that Celestia and Twilight have "linked" powers before, I would have thought that Twilight have a very good grasp on exactly what her mentor is capable of.
That Luna feels the way she do came off clearly though. That's why I wasn't sure if the justifications were meant to come off as "weak" (to me). As you said, her self-loathing could easily blind her to how her arguments would sound when heard by someone else.
As for feeling cheated: Heck no! It was awesome. These bits are at most minor criticism based on personal opinion. If out of four chapters I only find two minor parts to "complain" about, then that's really superb!
(And frankly, that whole Ménage à trois event was nearly entirely made worth it Just for Raritys comment. I suppose if any couple could pull something like that off it would be those three.)
Also: If I Am wrong, don't feel afraid to say it ;). You're the one who's got the story in your head, and who would know Exactly how the characters reason it. I can only make assumptions on what you've already written, so I can easily be wrong :D.
I await the next chapter with bated breath!
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain. - From DUNE
ReplyDeleteBeautiful story. Looking forward to its conclusion.
ReplyDelete@Onyx
ReplyDeleteThe Eversleep and Through the Eyes of Another Pony.
Also, Gotta catch em all.
this probably sounds corny, but...
ReplyDeleteThis story has totally changed my viewpoint on not only the mane 6, but certain aspects of life in general. It makes me sad to read it, not just for the characters such as luna and trixie, but that it is coming to an end. I, like others, am dumbfounded at how you can create such an amazing story, update massive chapters so frequently. the effort you put in comes out tenfold, and it shows.
@Ice Storm
ReplyDeleteYou and I have some similar tastes, love those stories as well(especially Eversleep).
Hmm... I suspect Applejack will not take the immortality thing very well, given how important family is to her.
ReplyDelete@icekatze
ReplyDeleteYou really think she'd be happy to outlive Applebloom?
7 Other people would not be enough constant to make me want to live forever. Gimme 100 years. Gimme an afterlife. I'm good.
@DPV111
ReplyDeleteHmmm, with 5 of your best friends it wouldn't be the end of the world. It probably would hurt the most for that first 150 years as you see others you care about(brothers, sisters, children, non immortal friends) pass away. After that I could see adjusting to the fact that you are immortal, especially since unlike Celestia during Luna's banishment you have company to reassure you and keep you sane.
So no she wouldn't be happy to outlive Applebloom but such grief passes with time and eventually she'd move on. Just need to lean on and trust those that are there for you during that time.
Family is sort of at the core of who Applejack is, one of those unwavering traits that defines her, its even part of her special talent. No doubt she'd be able to adapt, especially with the help of her friends, but I can't imagine it would be easy. She'd have to tear out something that makes her who she is and hopefully find something else to replace it with. And its not just the idea of outliving Big Macintosh and Applebloom, suppose she wanted foals of her own, she'd have to deal with outliving them too and eventually every one of her extended kin.
ReplyDeleteShe'd have to get to know every pony that comes to work on the family farm, or give up her special talent. How many generations could she go before she feels the need to close off part of herself?
If princess Celestia can do it, I'm sure she can too, but damn... she's going to have the hardest time out of all of them. I suspect reasons like these are why Celestia didn't want them learning to use the elements of harmony in the first place, so that it wouldn't become an issue.
Luna said that while the immortals could live forever, that does not mean they are indestructible.
ReplyDeleteSuperb story. The biggest compliment I can pay it is I've read virtually every decent-length Luna-centric story, but this is the first one that I've been on a mission to finish. I started Chapter I on Sunday afternoon, and I'm done early Tuesday morning.
ReplyDeleteYou've got a very, very interesting take on Luna; very different from the young, timid, almost weak portrayal that's the traditional hallmark of the character. You've made her seem like she really is a thousand-plus years old ...
I'll be sure and leave better feedback once the sun comes up, but congratulations ...
And I really do look forward to more of this excellent tale. Top marks!
Right, so as I promised :
ReplyDeleteI'm a huge Luna fan, and while I would never criticise authors for the decisions they've made in regards to their stories, my own personal "annoyance" with Luna-centric stories is the tendency for an "Original" Pony (aka author-created) who appears with the exact mix of personality traits required to "cure" her of whatever ails.
It's become a bit of a crutch, and I've had to stop reading a few otherwise excellent stories because I've had a little too much of that particular plot device (Again, that's just my personal feeling; I know others love that type of literary direction, and that's cool.)
So your story featuring on the Mane Six plus Luna interested me greatly, as soon as it became obvious you were using Original Ponies in supporting roles, not as front and stage centre.
Like I said above, I thoroughly enjoyed your portrayal of Luna. For me, it makes sense: While the Royal Sisters are, uh, well ... Sisters, they're tied to their respective powers and glories - the Sun is undeniably connected with life, brightness, inspiration, pride, etc and you can make just as many comparisons with the Moon. To see someone take the effort to sit and think about exactly what kind of personality a pony would have if they were almost entirely defined by the nature of the circle they heaved into the sky, was rewarding.
I've also got to mention that when I started reading, I felt sure you were going to (lightly) ship Luna/Twilight. I spent the first six or seven chapters wondering if I'd be okay with that, then finally, accepting it ...
... Only to discover (or what I thought I discovered) that you were shipping Dash and Pinkie! I then spent another six chapters almost -disappointed- I'd mistaken your intentions, only to learn in the last few chapters that might have been your intention all along, and maybe they would ship.
It was a bit of an emotional rollercoaster.
Next up, I applaud your use of existing "Villains of the week" (Gilda, Trixie) as plot devices to drive the story forward. I find a lot of otherwise good FiM fiction is badly affected by an extremely weak central plot that only gives the characters a reason to "exist" in the story, rather than a stage to perform on. This isn't a problem on an animated series, necessarily, but it is when the reader's tuning into a story for the sole purpose of seeing something a little different.
I could go on and on, but I'd probably end up rumbling. Sufficed to say this is a superb story, and I look forward to reading the conclusion it deserves while you sit back and soak up some well-deserved plaudits.
Well done!
@icekatze
ReplyDeleteYou see I disagree I could definitely see AppleJack, maybe not initially, but eventually enjoying being the permanent matriacrh of the Apple Clan and helping guide them along their ways
@iastfan112
ReplyDeleteOr she might just not learn how to control her element and lead a normal, natural life.
all of this talk makes me even more excited for the next chapters,all these little details to go through!
ReplyDeleteRoll on Chapter 18 - This is one of the best Luna-centric stories out there.
ReplyDeleteOh wow, that's a whole lot of comments. I wish I could reply to each and every one of these, but that would probably be considered stupendously spammy. This might sound incredibly presumptuous, but I am also happy to discuss the story via mail!
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to apologize for my tardiness and breaking schedule. The final chapters are now written, and I am going to edit and submit this weekend (Saturday evening? Sunday?). The final update will be 18-20, a shorter chapter 21, and then epilogue.
And, uh, oh my goodness, looking at the debate here (which is of course exhilarating to read), I just hope I don't disappoint anypony with the conclusion. I must admit to some performance anxiety, hah.
Quickly though;
@Ice Storm: Thank you! I think I am disproportionally pleased whenever I get comments on the pace, because the amount of hours I've spent per day on this recently has been frightening. Critique and praise is all fair (and always welcome), but recognition for the time put into this is very welcome.
@Corporal Fluttershy: Without saying too much or spoiling anyhing: I love getting feedback on "my" Luna, truly. Can I ask which other long stories you've read that are Luna-centric? Now that I'm done, I am very eager to see what others have done with Pwintheth Woona!
I am really only familiar with the adorable Luna of "progress", but I understand the predicament: headcanon can be a nuisance sometimes.
@Cloudy Skies
ReplyDeleteWhile I'm not Coporal Fluttershy, some Luna centric stories of sizable length(30k words was my dividing line) that I'd recommend are:
The Eversleep by EvenMotion- Unlike the next two I'll recommend this one is finished. Revolves mainly around Luna and Twilight, its a war story so the Grimdark tag is justified. My only criticism is pacing, especially in the middle few chapters, get rush. The beginning and end is worth it though.
Paradise by Slywit- A work in progress(somewhat slow updates) about Celestia and Luna's origins and their growth. Story does a great job of bonding them as sisters and expanding their powers.
Merely a Mare by EbonMare- Another work in progress. In terms of subject matter it reminds me the most of your story(aka Luna getting to know the Mane 6). Has a twist with Twilight that I, even prior to the story, wished the actual series had addressed. How the characters interact is just wonderful. I'd actually recommend any of Ebon's stories, they're quite good and cover a wide range of content in the pony world.
I'm probably missing a story or two as well, but those all rate highly from me. Out of curiousity, how long wordwise is Within and Without(I know its gotta be at least 60k)?
Thank you! I shall most certainly check out those; Merely a Mere is on my reading list, but the other two were unknown to me.
ReplyDeleteWord count currently at 146k, actually, which surprised me, hah.
One more longer Luna-centric piece I can think of is "In the Eye of Storm" by SPark which is(evidently) A Heralds of Valdemar crossover. Perhaps its because I'm not familiar with the original material but I don't like this one as much as the first 3 I referenced, merely decent stories. The author has also started a followup with the same versions of Luna and Twilight but this story is not a crossover piece. Here's a link if you'd like to check it out as I don't believe the second story is linked on EqD: http://www.fimfiction.com/user/SPark
ReplyDeleteKeep writing! In a nutshell, that's all I have to say.
ReplyDeleteWARNING! SPOILERS TO PART 17!
I really enjoyed this story; Luna is one of my favourite characters in fanfics, and this story shows that her character was deeply sorrowed by her actions (as opposed to the downcast glance at the end of S1E02... during a party).
I also like the idea of the "Covenant" to help prevent and event like Nightmare Moon again, and the concept of "mortal immortals"; on top of the similar concept of the only way to survive is to forget, at least in Luna's case.
So again, please get more chapters done this break; this is one of my favourite stories in EQD.
Mind you, the only negative I have to say is that you should watch your grammar. It's still readable, and the mistakes are few and far between enough that it doesn't matter, so don't kick yourself over this comment.
You do realize you could just put the links at the end of the chapter and we could read it before it gets announced right? *cough* In the meantime *F5 F5*
ReplyDeleteSuch a great story. Waiting on updates is killing me. (and getting ED a dozen more pages hits a day)
ReplyDeleteThis is a great story. Can't wait for more.
ReplyDeleteIt's my birthday and I want more story!
ReplyDeleteLovely story. This is definitely in my top two or three for the entire FIM fanfic universe.
ReplyDeleteThe only criticism I would have so far is with Chapter 16. The ponies finally get Trixie back to the hotel, start treating her, and... have a moment with each other while Fluttershy talks about her feelings. This ends several pages (and probably 10-20 minutes of in-world time) later. During which Trixie has apparently died on the bed right next to them. Without any of them noticiing.
I couldn't help but think, "Wait a second, you spent all that time tracking Trixie down, just to let her die right next to you while you have a group hug?"
I realize there was nothing they could do to save her, but it was just odd. Particularly since every other part of this work has been absolutely outstanding.
Some particularly galling parts in that section:
Applejack: "Might be it's easy for a simple earth pony like me t'say this, but Ah know Ah'd move mountains to protect my own."
Holy shit Applejack, you just stood there while she died. You're not in much position to criticize Luna.
Twilight: She had never before watched anypony die, and she desperately hoped that she still didn't have to.
Technically, Twilight, you still haven't seen a pony die. You were busy talking to the girls while Trixie expired on the bed right next to you.
If it seems like I'm harping on this point, it's because I love this story so much. Believe me, I don't feel obligated to type out long comments on stories I don't care about -- I just hit the 'back' button and find something else to do.
Anwyay, looking forward to the rest of the story. Favorite part so far: everything to do with Crepuscin.
@ My earlier post: Maybe a couple hours late but wish granted!
ReplyDeleteFinally, my life is complete.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely brilliant, I actually enjoy that in those last few chapters you'd had me, at least a little bit, questioning whether Twilight and Luna would end up together. You had just the right touch to make me shed a few tears, not from tragedy or loss but from joy. Without a question my favorite piece of FIM fiction, i just cannot applaud you enough. Honestly the fact you've pumped it out this quickly probably works against you, the quality of this piece is fully deserving of the thousands of comments Past Sins or FOE have received. Giving satisfying endings for 7 different characters is difficult but you managed to do that(AJ's was the weakest but still damn good). My advice going forward, take a break(YOU DESERVE IT!), regain some sanity and then once you're ready again I'm looking forward to whatever project you put your mind to next. It's 3:30, I have class in at 8 followed by 8 hrs of work but I don' care this was totally worth it!
ReplyDeletePS- Those last 2 lines! LMAO
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI tip my hat to you sir. this is the single best piece of literature i have ever read. my congratulations and epic props go to you for this fan fic. the wait between isssues killed me but was so worth the wait. i most emphaticaly sugguest you keep writing and take some of your stuff to a publisher. excellent excellent work
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely superb. I always looked forward to the nights of reading the updates to this story. It's an absolute joy to set aside two hours or so to read the updates (I am usually a quick reader, but I love taking my time with stories that are fantastic, and to be honest, I never ever thought I would be doing so with fan-fiction let alone fan fics of pastel-coloured ponies). You have a fantastic handle on the characters and take almost all of the right creative liberties with them, as I've said in my previous comment.
ReplyDeleteThere is not much more I could say, I sort of felt that Trixie's conclusion felt a bit lacking, that they spent so much time trying to find her and then just leave her, though again with your great handle on the characters, made her just obnoxious enough for me to be glad that they were finally out of her presence.
I also love Fluttershy's development. I must admit I was afraid you'd turn it into some awkward love triangle, but you handled that with aplomb and wrote a nice ending to it, it honestly made me well up a bit to see her standing on her own. Of course, manly tears of happiness.
And Pinkie Dash... bravo, just... fucking bravo sir. Pinkie Dash is actually my favorite X-Dash ship (despite Building Bridges being my favorite ship fic of all time. I'm not sucking up, I honestly mean that), and to see it pulled off like that... just makes me happy beyond what I thought possible. Also, the ah... events that transpire between them in the epilogue (trying not to spoil too much for those reading the comments (seriously people, stop reading this comment right now and read the effing fic!)), just... I can not stop smiling, like actually legitimately smiling.
To wrap this up, bravo. This is the type of literature that I would gladly, gladly part with my hard-earned cash to have on my shelf, so keep that in mind if you ever decide to write a proper non-pony novel. ;) You have cemented youself up there with my favorite novelists with only your fan fiction. You sir, are amazing, and I can not wait for your next work of art!
I just finished. I felt the wind beat past me, I saw the gloomy ruins of Crepuscin, I wondered for those who had been in the courtyard, yet still was unsure if I wanted to know, I am just speechless! This story is my all time favorite, and you finished it off with the most fitting ending. I'm glad you left the mane 6's choices for life out.. and I want to know at the same time. Truly, remarkable. You manipulated feelings so I could fear for or at them, or have pity. I cant even come up with a suitable thanks for taking your time to write this splendid story, as it feels more like I am reliving a memory as twilight did.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all: A huge thank you for this wonderful fanfic! Next time, I hope you also post it at Fimfiction so I can get a way to follow the progress :).
ReplyDeleteSecondly: (And some Spoilers below.)
I thoroughly enjoyed the last chapters in this epic story as well, though I admit I probably did partly ruin it for myself, what with reading them at work. This stopped me from focusing on it as much as I would have wanted.
But even then, you've kept me wonderfully enthralled with your descriptions and what every new sentence would bring. Increadibly imaginative and the interactions between Luna and Twilight always felt natural. No sugar coating their love.
Still, speaking of that. I do think it's a shame you "cut out" the scene where Luna apologizes, and I Really want to know what's in Twilights letter. I feel like it would have been a suitable ending to the story to see their meeting and actually share a moment there.
Mind you, the epilogue was nice (But as always I just can't stand Pinkie Pie + Love. I just can't see it, but that's no fault of yours, the jokes were fun at least :).) but I don't think it's a suitable replacement for an actual end of the fic. (Probably just personal opinion. I hate open endings where I get to "imagine" what actually happens. If I want to imagine it, I wouldn't be reading your story dangit! :P)
I would also have liked to see an actual explanation as to what Lunas weapon did to Trixie. It looks like Luna knows exactly what it did, but it's never explained. And how did it colour her coat red?
Also: That bit at the end of the epilogue regarding the insignia. Is that a hint for a possible sequel? Since you kinda leave that thread hanging. I don't even think the story would be affected if you removed every single instant of it being mentioned, but it's written about as if it's A Big Deal, but nothing comes of it. Or was it all alluding to the village, and her letter is actually a letter explaining what happened to her guards that last night?
I probably have more, but the final bit I want to add is that I thoroughly loved the very final bit with the insurance ponies. That got a last laugh out of me, great way to end it!
@Zanzibar The Lunar Hammer didn't do anything to Trixie's coat; she dyed it herself so that nopony would recognize her.
ReplyDeleteSir, I will not return to these comments to check up on any replies, (though I will return to re-read this many more times in the future). I just have to say, I seriously love poor Silk Blanket.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I have shed a single tear because of this story. I would normally say it was a manly tear, but this time I just can't say for sure. Excellent work and I look forward to reading your next works.
(There were a few mistakes like calling spike female in one sentence but I will let those slide for being pure awesomeness)
I haven't got a lot of words for this quite yet, but I have a feeling they'll come eventually. Just wanted to say thanks, at the very least. I only started reading this story on a whim because I was curious about your take on where Trixie and Gilda had gone off to, but I'm glad there was a lot more to it. The setting isn't how I would imagine things, but it had a life of its own and even the background characters jumped into my imagination. I don't even care for shipping, but you still managed to weave a compelling tale in spite of difficult odds. That ending... it feels good.
ReplyDeletespoilers
ReplyDeleteNow I am all sad that the story has ended. Also feel bad for all the ponies who were left in the courtyard, no burial or acknowledgement after they left. It may be a forgotten ruin, but even then they need to realize they must respect them too.
Loved the story, all 270+ pages.
ReplyDeleteBest 'Special Thanks' section I've ever seen too =)
The only thing I didn't like in your story was reading 'The end'.
Oh boy. Well, finally at ways' end. So! Let me first say a huge thank you to everypony who's given me comments, be they encouragement or critique. I wish I could reply to every single one just to thank you!
ReplyDelete[SPOILERS AHOY]
Chaper 16: (@Cold in Gardez) I realize this is an issue that could have been treated better. It was "worse" before my friends alerted me to it. Switching the two issues (Flutterfixing and Trixie) around simply proved too hard. What I would ideally have done, looking back, is simply have a token sequence where they "try" to help her. Like, unicorn magic, whatever else, and show the failure, rather than just have them "give up".
@iastfan112: I actually wish I hadn't let on - like, been more reluctant to say whether the ship would "succeed" - when I realize how brittle it was to someone who didn't know the end. (me!) But thanks!
Mainly, I wanted to comment on AJ's ending though: I like that it's easy to think of it it as the "weakest". I think it gives her a lot of strength that she didn't "get anything" from the journey. She was also the homesick one, and the one who was reluctant. Me? I love AJ twice as much for this, and I'm sure she doesn't mind she didn't walk away with a haunch of pony or something, ha.
@Kyle_Katarn: The level of praise is probably undeserved, but I truly to thank you for it! I'm sorry if I only REALLY reply to the "Bad" bits, but on Trixie: I see your point, really.
It's perhaps an unfortunate side-effect of the constant derailing, and making Trixie feel like a red thread that ran through the entire story. When it came to give her the resolution, so many other things were at the forefront. Perhaps I "should" have cut the Fluttershy part (I was advised to, in fact - and I'm sure there are those who are less enthused about what they feel is a triship). Fact is, though - Trixie suffered for it.
I also feel terrible that her ending is sort of dark. I had more plans for it, but rather than make a vague promise that won't ever turn into a spinoff or a sequel: I had thought to have Luna and Trixie interact in the sequel, but it became an awkward fairytale "have your magic back" bit.
Trixie is strong and independent. It was hard to balance making her happy while having her stay true to character. I love "redeeming" villains, but I just felt she would appreciate being strong and free.
@Dr.Whooves: You don't want to know how much time I spent debating how far ahead to set the epilogue. But I thiiiink I did the right thing, by me, anyway. I wish I had spent more time wrapping up the Hollows and the remains, yes; perhaps I should have made a vague reference to it being taken care of. Simply saying a letter had been sent doesn't quite provide the security and closure I was aiming for, I think.
@Zanzibar: Thank you for your comment! I am sorry the openness of the ending wasn't to your tastes, truly - I just feel that closing doors would have hurt more, sort of. I have no problems admitting that the very word "goodbye" cuts me like a knife. I see a fic desc that includes that very damnable word, and I flee, ha.
No, but the apology scene... I actually never thought about including it. I don't know why. On one hand, it would have been "sappy", which clashes a bit, but it WOULD be gratifying, too.
The insignia however, as I mention right up there, I feel as if I botched giving that closure. It is something I wanted to do more with that but I never managed to fit it in. I can only apologize for that, and say that the elusive "letter" is meant to hold a lot of meaning, but I failed to convey that. This is one part where I felt I was too open in the epilogue!
Well this was certainly a good read. To be honest, I don't particularly care for these sorts of pairings (I'm old-fashioned that way, kinda like Applejack, so sue me :P), but this was carried off quite well and made for an enjoyable story. Well done, sir, I look forward to seeing more from you.
ReplyDeleteare you going to write more stories?
ReplyDeleteWait, where was Blueblood? Did I miss that part? D:
ReplyDeleteCloudy Skies, thank you so very much for this story. I loved every word of it and waited with baited breath for each new update. And to top it all off, the ending was handled in a manner that many professional novelists should take note of: no pat answers, no deus ex machina, no cheats, no happy-ever-afters, but a concise and tidy tying-together of threads that had been woven through the entire story. Masterful.
ReplyDeleteThe Silk Net easter egg was a delightfully amusing surprise as well!
Thank you once again but beware: I'm keeping my eye on you and whatever may be forthcoming from you. :)
@Cloudy Skies
ReplyDeleteWith regard to Trixie:
Remember that not all characters want or deserve to be happy. Some would rather be great and powerful.
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ReplyDeleteCloudy Skies, this story is truly amazing so far, I haven't read much. Your writing is beautiful and better then some of the professionals at the least :D
ReplyDeleteBeen following this story since it was first posted, and it is absolutely fantastic. Seriously, it ranks pretty high on my list of favorite list of short stories period.
ReplyDeleteYou are pretty much just the best for spitting out ludicrously good writing in such short periods of time.
Your characterization was great across the board, and while Fluttershy's whole shipping deal felt a little awkward at first, her part of the epilogue tied it up rather nicely.
Actually, the epilogue as a whole was really well done, it did a great job of tying up loose ends. The insignia didn't get as much focus as I personally would've liked, but that's a very minor complaint.
I also really liked how you managed to throw humor in without making the mood seem schizophrenic.
Reading Building Bridges in the time between updates has further cemented the idea that you are a fantastic writer, and I eagerly await your future works.
Thank you for writing this, best of luck in the future!
@Cloudy Skies
ReplyDeleteOh if you had the ship "fail", it still would've been a great fic but damn would I have been pissed. Torches and pitchforks time! That's a nice take on AJ as well that I hadn't thought of.
You seem to be indicating you might do additional stories within this same "universe" you've created. If so I would be wholeheartedly in favor as it would help relieve the sting of now knowing "Within and Without is done!"
just got to chapter 15 last night, im going to miss this one when im finished
ReplyDeleteWell. This is now my 2nd favourite complete story on EQD after The Dread Chitin. Cloudy Skies. You are a storyteller. Trixie/Phoenix has nothing on you.
ReplyDeleteFinally finished it. Great story overall, and my thanks for it.
ReplyDeleteAmazing. Just amazing.
ReplyDelete@Cloudy Skies
ReplyDeleteI'm really surprised to read that you never thought about including Luna's apology to Twilight and the conversation that cemented them as a couple. To me, that was what the romantic plot was building toward. Sappy or not, without that scene, it definitely feels like something is missing from the story.
Otherwise, five stars all the way. I love the depth you gave the characters. I was particularly pleased with Rarity's ending realizations. I hope you're not just teasing when you mention a possible sequel...
@Popcorn
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I don't feel that the actual words said mean a thing. They already knew how they felt about each other. The lyrics for Depeche Mode's "Enjoy the Silence" come to mind. Just the fact that Luna went back was enough to solidify things.
This is by far one of the most emotionally stimulating fics that I have read in years. The personalities of the Mane 6 are spot on, and the descriptions of your locations are detailed enough that I can actually picture myself there.
ReplyDeleteThis is actually the first fic I've read that has featured Luna in a prominent role, and I have to say, you did an AMAZING job with her. Her deep-seated regret for her actions as Nightmare Moon and her profound thoughts on immortality betray her age despite her appearance. I actually had a bit of a hard time picturing Luna as she was portrayed in the show, ie. about the size of Twilight and the other ponies. Her attitude and bearing kept making me think of something more... imposing? regal? ... Kind of a cross between what she is now and Nightmare Moon.
And yet, her own quest for redemption, her way of closing herself off to other ponies, and her confusion as to her emotions of love and friendship show that she is not perfect, just like every other pony. I guess that it kind of reminds me of myself... distancing myself from everyone around me... But this is what makes these characters special. Each of them has unique qualities that the reader can relate to, allowing them to identify with the characters and really feel like they are a part of the story.
I did have a few minor issues with the fic, although one of them was not really due to your writing as much as the character's personality. Personally, I cannot see Pinkie Pie being in a romantic relationship with anypony. She seems too "out there" and random for me to see her in a "serious" relationship. The FlutterDash pairing was fine for me, probably because it seems to line up better with Fluttershy's personality. Of course, between that shipping and the comment about Fluttershy having father issues, I kept having flashbacks to a certain horror-game crossover fic... *cough*SP*cough*
Anyway, the only other issue I had with the story was the resolution of Twilight and Luna's relationship. There didn't really seem to be a cathartic moment where they finally confessed their feelings; every time there was about to be one, it would get subverted or interrupted. Don't get me wrong, the ending was beautiful, it just didn't give me as much of a sense of closure as I had liked.
Minor complaints aside, this fic was great. I don't think I've read any other fics that have touched me as emotionally as this one has. I applaud your hard work on this story, and was sad to see that it finally came to an end. I look forward your reading your future works... and hope beyond hope for a sequel, as likely or unlikely as that may be. ;)
P.S. WHY HASN'T THIS THING GOTTEN 6 STARS YET? C'MON PONIES!!!
Absolutely excellent! This is one of the few fics I'll be saving to read again. Thoroughly enjoyable and very well-written.
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness, comments! I have no idea what message I send across by only replying to critique, but I am eternally grateful for every comment I get, please make no mistake! To those who liked this story: Thank you!
ReplyDelete[Spoilers straight ahead!]
@cloudynight408: Working on the next one right now! Applebloom/Earth Pony love coming right up!
@ramoberley: You may've missed a thing or two, aye! Long and short of it, he was never intended (by me and Luna at least) to be part of the story.
@Popcorn: Apologies if I've given false hope for a sequel - I don't think there's much to explore in a direct sequel, but spin-offs would be lots of fun!
@LinkMasterChief: I think Pinkie and romance is an odd subject for sure. I mean, I can see the counterarguments, but for me, romance is simply a natural extension of her love for everything - her love for happiness in herself and others.
If she could, she'd love everypone equally, but Dash was there for her during a rough period (Party of One). That's just my take on it, but I understand it's fairly heavily fanon, too.
I can see a FlutterDash working as a main pairing too, though. I might have, if I didn't go with Pinkie, but FlutterDash requires a bigger shift from Dash's side, and the Fluttershy in this story isn't quite ready for a relationship. That said, I am so all over writing something FlutterDash someday, oh my gosh, yes!
Now the "main" thing I really wanted to comment on is that you're not the first to call out for an outpouring from Luna. Some wanted it, some didn't. I still don't regret omitting "the apology", but what I do regret is frontloading Luna's emotions in the earlier chapters.
Perhaps I am reading too much into your words, but I feel I could have shifted Luna's emotional progress a little; I might have needed a break/crack in the steely facade she uses later on.
As it was, I had some emotional moments for Luna in the early-mid chapters, and thus felt it would be cruel to have her break down again. When I omitted the reunion scene, I can see how it feels a little, hum, pregnant. She never got her release.
Personally, I got my peace from the epilogue, simply because it shows them at peace, but I understand that may not be the case for everypony.
I mean, lookit! http://volmise.deviantart.com/gallery/#/d4b2tpj (Had to commission that just to apologize to Twi and Luna)
-
I was initially convinced that I wanted to let the story stand as-is, but the more I discuss it here and in mails, I realize I want to edit it and fix what I perceive as flaws and errors. Not just typos, but oversights.
I hope to come back in a few weeks or months and "fix" some minor things. Not a huge revision, just tie up some loose ends. Much of this can be done by editing the epilogue, but the memory of having written the story is probably still too fresh for me to do it.
Thank you to everypony who's given me their thoughts!
This was a really great fanfiction,
ReplyDeleteI'm really impressed on how natural and in-character everpony is, I always knew who was talking even before reading it.
I was at first very sceptical when Winter Sun joined the group for a short time, but I'm very happy with her, she has her own unique personality and was a great "guest"-character, I really liked her, and I usually don't like OCs that much.
The end was a little bit too focused on Luna and Twilight, I know it's basicly their story but I was also really interested in what the others were up to, especially Fluttershy.
The whole Fluttershy subplot could've been explored a bit more, I'm not saying that's a bad thing, it's just unused potential.
The same is true for Blueblood, there could've been several more chapters about Blueblood and Rarity. I know she finds her closure, but it would still be nice to have a little redeeming for the prince. (he gets way too much hatred)
But overall, yeah, I really really REALLY liked this story and it absolutely deserves 5 stars from me.
I hope there will be a sequel, spin-off, what if, or whatever.
I would especially be interested in exploring more of Fluttershys subplot, I kind of thing that she hasn't gotten the happy end she deserved.
Okay I just shut up now lol.
Great Story
5 Stars from me.
You spoil us waaay too much, utterly fantastic story AND an awesome commissioned drawing! If there's anyway we can give back I'd love to know.
ReplyDeleteI would actually love to see a comedy spin off involving Winter Suns misadventures in hospitality.
ReplyDeleteA "Four Rooms" crossover/parody would be hilarious.
I stayed up to 0230 to finish this tale.
ReplyDeleteI regret nothing.
Thank you, Cloudy, for this. I go to sleep now a tired, smiling pony.
From what I read of the summary and tags it wasn't what I expected...but that doesn't matter, because what I found was utterly captivating. I'm a hard SF fan - things by Asher, Stross - so I'm really quite surprised how much I liked this. I also know that I'm going to have to reread it to catch all the subtleties; this one will have a perminant place on my reader.
ReplyDeleteI can't add much to what's alread been said, but thanks for posting.
PS: A possible typo for your list: when Twi is getting her first 'Luna ride' off the top of the hotel it says: "off the ground with a hop and a series of strong hoofbeats" - wingbeats?
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ReplyDeleteWell I finished it today. Scratch what I said, the shipping was amazing with every Dash and Pinkie, as well as Twilight and Luna. I am really depressed that it's over I have to say. It was one big, epic, awesome story I will never forget. Definitely need to write more, I will wait eagerly! :D
ReplyDeleteRe: Ch 11
ReplyDeleteThat was absolutely a cunt move in regards to Luna and Blueblood.
One of those fics that once you start, you are sad to see end.
ReplyDeleteWho ever decided to give this 5 stars over 6 stars needs to gtfo. It was an amazing story!
ReplyDeleteHow is it decided between 5-stars and 6-stars anyhow? How does 6-stars make sense in the first place? Amazing fan fiction, probably my absolute favorite yet, but I don't get either what 6-stars means or why this doesn't have it.
ReplyDeleteThis story is actually right on the cusp of 6 star rating. It is sitting at a 4.8 and needs a 4.9 or a perfect 5.0 to get a 6 star rating.
ReplyDeleteLame, I know... because this is my favorite story on EqD. Even surpassing Past Sins for my top spot!
Would still love to see a sequel, or maybe just a spin off. But mostly, I just want to read more about this fanon world that Cloudy Skies has created. Would love to see a segment a bit later, dealing with the Mane 6 deciding on immortality or not.
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ReplyDeleteI agree with everything Mister Morden said.
ReplyDeleteEspecially the part about when he said:
"just want to read more about this fanon world that Cloudy Skies has created."
you just had to make an abacus refrence didn't you? x'D
ReplyDeleteAnyways great story! strongly recommend it to anyone who happens to bother reading the comments BEFORE they read it themself :)
I'd have to say your portrayal of Luna matches what seems to be her canon personality now better than most.
ReplyDelete@Dionysus: I recognize the epilogue may be a bit too slim as a result of trying to be elegant. When I do this edit pass I keep thinking about, making the epilogue more satisfying (along with catching typos) is on top of the "must do" list.
ReplyDeleteOn the other issues, I want to agree. And I do; I agree with the base idea that there is unused potential, but I don't know if it would work to extend the fic further than this. The only subplot I really -feel- like expanding upon is Fluttershy. As it stands, you need to read a little between the lines to get the full story of it. At worst, it's just confusing as heck.
@Luna-tic Scientist: Typo goes down into the fix-list, thank you!
The perceived mismatch between content and tags: what would you rather have used to tag or describe it? I wonder if my "sales pitch" over or under-sells the story. Given its length, it uses all the tags to some degree, but I feel these are the most representative. If anything, I wish there was a way to give the sub-tags a more prominent role. (Long, Peril, Perserverance, Self-Realization, Affection - I feel these are very telling. Perhaps switch Affection for "Melancholy"?)
@Armada: I thought it was telegraphed well in advance, so if you were negatively surprised, I'm sorry to hear of it, but I don't know what more to say to that.
@iastfan112: It's not exactly a perfect fit, but it's not the worst match either! I was so thrilled with S2E4 because if nothing else, the Luna was strong. Strong and independent. No meek bullshit. I am STILL smiling! Best episode yet.
@Everypony: Holy crap, thank you! 300 votes! I check by here more often than I should (we all pray for a 6-star fic of our own. I should either refine this one or write another story rather than F5'ing here, I know) and I am so happy whenever another comment pops up!
Thank you, sincerely.
I am still keeping the whole spinoff-thing in the back of my head, but my main block atm is that I need to write something happy to clean my mind - and I am!
I wouldn't exactly say it's a melancholy story if only because I feel the word has more negative connotations then it should. Generally speaking, I think that although dark at times, it wasn't a depressing story.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.facebook.com/pages/Within-and-Without/248997325149584
ReplyDelete@Cloudy Skies
ReplyDeleteApologies for the late reply (I'm subscribed to this thread so there's no _real_ excuse other than I've been struggling to put into words what I meant by 'not what I expected').
Having thought it over I think I was a little hasty; the tags are fine and reflect the main themes pretty well.
I think what prompted my comment was the description; while strictly accurate it's awfully vague and (for me anyway) so subtle that it only make sense with hindsight (the only thing that actually got me to read it was the 5star rating and that I'd finished all the SciFi tagged stories). For example: it's not even obvious that Luna is going with them, it makes it sound like a royal command or just something the mane six decide to do by themselves.
Having started a fanfic of my own I can sympathise with the difficulty in writing the description - what to put in, what to only hint at and what to omit completely...
Glad to see people still discovering this awesome story :)
ReplyDelete