[Normal] [Adventure]
Author: Kegisak
Description: Life can be hard in the Apple Clan, for ponies who don't like farming. Farming is what the Apple Clan does, that's just how it is. But Caramel was never any good at it. He could never focus, and he was always making mistakes. One night, he decided he'd had enough. He was going to run away, and leave all his mistakes behind him.
Patchwork: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | Epilogue
Additional Tags: Blank Flanks, Fixing mistakes, Purpose
24 comments:
first
ReplyDeleteNon-shipping Caramel!?! It's a miracle :P
ReplyDeleteIt's official: EqD's first Caramel-in-Sweet-Apple-Acres fic that DOESN'T involve him hooking up with a colt.
ReplyDeleteI only know Caramel because I stole part of his cutie mark to use in an OC.
ReplyDeleteA Caramel fic where he doesn't want to get in Big Mac's non-existent pants?
ReplyDeleteAnd here I thought that remake of the video for "POWER" was impressive.
A good, solid read, exploring what exactly cutie marks and for and what influence they have on the life of the average colt. With a charming cast of OCs and a likeable, if self-pitying, portrayal of Caramel, this fic's definitely worth the time.
ReplyDeleteAw, I thought my roommate mbulsht finally updated his fanfic Patchwork. I'm sure this one is fine, though.
ReplyDeleteI like this story, although I kind of wished that it showed the return to Ponyville.
ReplyDeleteOh, and at first I thought it was the same town from "Story of the Blanks". I was mentally yelling "GET OUT OF THERE CARAMEL BEFORE THEY TOSS YOU INTO A FIRE!!"
ReplyDeleteBut Caramel got a gender change!
ReplyDelete@Display Name
ReplyDeleteShipping avoided by fusing him with Caramel Apple who is a relative.
That was pretty good. Nothing amazing but the writing is good and the premise is something I think is worth reading.
ReplyDelete3/5
One thing I will think that should have been in the epilogue would have been seeing Caramel meeting the Ponyville Apple family again, as well as his own immediate family.
ReplyDeleteIt is a journey of self-realization, so as far as that goes their reactions aren't really necessary to the story, but since those two groups were the source of major stimuli in regards to Caramel's issues and his leaving (as well as the whole being drunk part). But then, since we weren't too heavily invested with either of those groups, maybe not . . . I'm not entirely sure from a structural point of view. I just know I would have liked to see that.
That was very enjoyable, for the most part. Just a bit more explanation as to why Caramel felt he was to blame for Tacks accident would have been nice. The filly told him she was already going to that spot before he appeared. He appeared during a storm, so Tack went there again during a storm. That might be some explanation as to why he feels guilty, yet its never said. Powder's reaction also... I just can't quite see it.
ReplyDeleteThe shoe... Well, I suppose I can see how it works, but again, a little bit more explanation as to how it works exactly would have been nice. And it still rubs me the wrong way you used Tack as a plot device, getting her injured for life in the process (even if the shoe sort of remedies it). However, that's an authors choice of course.
The ending itself.. I was expecting a bit more from it. Caramel could briefly go to Ponyville to inform everypony what had happened and then return, help out more. Perhaps get someone there who can help turn the fields around. And what exactly does his new cutie mark mean?
And Tack... She is a bit to happy leaving her parents. Sure, she will be back during weekends, but... It goes just a bit to easy for my tastes.
Enjoyed most of the story, but the ending let it down a bit for me. And I don't even think that's criticism, really. Its more personal taste I suppose.
I'm with Baree a bit as well. I was expecting more of a angry or at least reluctant reaction from the villagers when ti came to the matter of Cutie Marks.
ReplyDeleteAlso, Cherry seems to have disappeared. Feels like he needed to have a purpose, otherwise why put him in the story?
I too would like to see a return to Ponyville. I wasn't quite sure what to expect but I found it most enjoyable. Nice to see Caramel in a new light.
ReplyDelete@Baree
ReplyDeleteI saw Powder's reaction less as her agreeing with him, and more her angry that he's being so immature. *shrug*
Also, what happened in the barn stall? It's been driving me mad . . .
ReplyDeleteHuh...the main reason I hadn't included Caramel's return to ponyville is because I didn't feel like it would fit with the story. I mean, true, they were the impetus for the story, but they ultimatly had no bearing on the final plot. Still, if people wanted to see it, I guess I was wrong about that, huh?
ReplyDeleteTack seeming happy about leaving, and her parents as well, I think that's a problem with observation - I had tried to drop hints that Powder was explaining the whole concept to Tack's parents as Caramel was working but, if I needed to explain it, I guess I failed at that, too.
And as for why Caramel blamed himself for getting hurt? If he hadn't been taking Tack's place, she wouldn't have been out, and wouldn't have had the chance to get hurt. For someone as self-pitying as Caramel, the logic is sound, and Powder is pretty much just as bitter as he is.
I guess the fact that I need to explain anything is a sign that I sort of flopped this time around, isn't it? Shame, really, but I promise, I'll do better on the next fic.
Oh, and as for 'the barn incident'? Applejack caught Caramel with another colt. It was supposed to be a 'noodle incident' sort of thing, just a running gag, like Powders B-plot with Cherry.
Cute story, a few grammar issues, but cute. I liked it. I was a little confused there for awhile why you were saying he had 3 caramel apples for a cutie mark, but by the end I understood. Great story.
ReplyDelete@kegisak
ReplyDeletePersonally, I don't think Caramel returning to Ponyville needs to be included. It wouldn't have done any harm, but the story doesn't need it. Its fine without it.
You handled Tack's parents well, they are being parents. They do what they do because they want the best for their child, but they clearly show parental worries and cares. Its just Tack herself I meant, there is no indication that she realizes she is only going to see her parents two days a week. Then again, she is a young filly. Maybe that is explanation enough, she takes life as it comes.
That explanation for why Caramel is blaming himself I find quite satisfactory, actually. I hadn't thought about it, but it makes sense.
You know, there exists a map of Ponyville. The guy who wrote "Better Living Through Science and Ponies" figured out a rough map based on careful observation of the show so he could use it for reference while writing his story, and put it up on his DA so now anybody can look at it and know the layout of Ponyville. If you write specifically about locations thereof and clearly have not referred to the map, it makes it hard to take you seriously.
ReplyDelete@Alex
ReplyDeleteWhile I do appreciate the sentiment, I had unfortuneatley not heard anything of this map when writing this. Nor, in fact, did I give much though to keeping any geography consistent aside from the ones within the story. I had written it for kicks and giggles and had not been particularly pedantic about it, nor had I expected my audience to be.
Absolutely adored this story, I loved every part of it. Wonderful job.
ReplyDelete