[Normal]
Author: Jetfire
Description: Welcome, you poor, you flawed, you hopeless- welcome to the Queendom of Nocturne!
Nightmare State of Mind
Additional Tags: Nightmare, Darkness, crank your trance music
Art
 |
| Source |
-
Author: Jetfire
Nightmare State of Mind
Additional Tags: Nightmare, Darkness, crank your trance music
Art
Labels: Author: Jetfire, Complete, Fanfiction, Normal, OC Ponies, Rarity, Star-5, Story, Twilight SparkleShare This!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
103 comments:
first
ReplyDeleteRarity is best pony. This needs a read. (I still need to finish up past sins)
ReplyDeletenot first
ReplyDeleteOoo! Another fic by Jetfire, must read.
ReplyDeleteAm I alone in thinking that Nightmare!Rarity is even sexier than the normal Rarity?
ReplyDeleteNigthmare... Rarity...
ReplyDeleteWha-... A... Why... WTF BOOM *mindsplosion*
*Sees picture*
ReplyDeleteScreeach, Gotta Read!
Vague description? Meh
ReplyDeleteWeird OC Art? Meh
No star yet? Meh
Author: Jetfire? SIGN ME UP!
So I said to my mom: "Mom, the only thing that would prevent me from going to bed early would be if Jetfire released a new story."
ReplyDeleteI dunno. I loved Jetfire's other stories but I'm just not feeling this one.
ReplyDeleteStill an enjoyable read though.
another story with a vague discription
ReplyDeletenty
JESUS CHRIST HOW HORRIFYING
ReplyDeleteEh, reading Past Sins don't need another Nightmare Moon sto-
ReplyDelete"Author: Jetfire"
...well now I have no choice. *begins reading*
Rarity on a Conquest for world domination? Dash joining her? Hmmm
ReplyDeleteJeez, Jet, do y6ou do your art? That's a damn good Nightmarity.
ReplyDelete*SPOILERS*
I'm interested in the Symbiote idea you have for Nightmare. So, Luna was Eddie Brock/ So, does that make Rarity... Scorpion?
Jetfire seems to be popular. I guess I have another author to watch now...
ReplyDeleteMan, I really really liked this. Awsome.
ReplyDeleteAgh short stories. Love'm and hate'm at the same time.
ReplyDeleteSo many unanswered questions, but so much open to your own interpretation. If only I wasn't obsessed with what the author intended.
The most disapointing thing about this story is the the word "END" to wrap it up. I want more chapters and a full epic story on whether Rarity's plans succeed or fail!
ReplyDelete....
ReplyDelete>See's Complete Tag
NOoooooo!
I love this too much, I'd love for there to be more.
For a while there, Nightmare Rarity even had me fooled.
That was a very interesting story. I very much enjoyed it, it was nice to read something different.
ReplyDeleteI would be interested in seeing more but it's ended well as it is.
@Craft
ReplyDeleteThis is definitely a short that does exactly what it sets out to do and no more. The tone of the piece and the character interpretations I'm not a big fan of, but I can step back and admire that it's done well regardless.
Good story, but I'm surprised it wasn't tagged [Grimdark]. Or at least [Dark]. ;)
ReplyDeleteWow...that was way better than i thought it would be!!!
ReplyDeleteI loved this until I saw it was complete. You disappoint me, dear sir.
ReplyDeleteNot that much, though. :3
*sees description*
ReplyDelete"Bleh, Nightmare Moon"
*peeks at comments*
*sees spoiler*
*...Jetfire...*
"Wait, Jetfire?"
*checks*
"Yup, THAT author"
*reads like a MOFO*
"Woah."
Hehe, I had no idea what this extremely vague description wanted to tell me.
ReplyDeleteIt was so vague that I really had to read this.
And I won't regret it.
Awesome story.
A fascinating concept. I want more of it, but at the same time I'm not sure how well it could be expanded.
ReplyDeleteWell, I guess I should go read some of Jetfire's other stuff now...
This is the pristine perfection of a tyrant. Generosity corrupted into conquest. After all they won't know what they are missing until we share it with them... whether they like it or not.
ReplyDeleteI'm loving this one, hoping someone gets us a pic of Nightmare altered Spike as well.
I wonder how many readers will get the Ancalagon reference...very clever.
ReplyDeleteAs per usual, a stunningly brilliant read! Nightmare Rarity is fiendishly awesome.
ReplyDeleteAnd yay, Spike is with her! (As a fan of Spike/Rarity I am frequently disappointed that almost all the stories that feature them end in tragedy - so I'll take this result as a win; even if it's not strictly true!))
Keep aweing us with your stories, dude!
Nightmarity? FOR THE FABULOUS LUNAR REPUBLIC!!!
ReplyDeleteI'll have to read this once I get a break from packing. Moving is the only thing that sucks about college :P
Wow, so many surprises in this story. The story is really well written, althoug I wouldn't expect less from Jetfire. It leaves you with questions, like Jetfires first story, and it is short, yet you get a clear image of most of the situation, and everything's so detailed, I did not even read this, I saw it right before my eyes. If I would have a hat, first I would tip it to you, then I would gift it to you, Jetfire.
ReplyDeleteThis was amazing. Very interesting to see corruption go as planned and not swayed by good.
ReplyDeleteI like evil Rarity.
Also Dash/Shadowbolts WINNING
A perfect case of something being both good and bad at the same time.
ReplyDeleteInteresting...somewhat disturbing...and, sadly, unlikely to be continued.
ReplyDeleteWhich is somewhat of a shame, considering that one of the big questions raised wasn't really answered properly. We were given what was supposed to be an answer, but there are a few points that indicate it might not quite be true...
Woo go Rarity!
ReplyDeleteA quibble, though: the scene with the guard seems a little off, almost as if it were put in just to make her seem evil. Surely she'd be able to see that a stain-proofing enchantment on the armor would be a much better solution, on multiple levels.
Y'know, it doesn't surprise me that THIS is what a Nightmare/Rarity fusion results in...
ReplyDeleteWell done Jetfire. Keep up the good work.
>Sees the word 'Sleeper Cells'
ReplyDeleteSHIT IS GOING DOWN. I LOVE THIS.
This story is very interesting, would love to see it continued.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteSpoilers
ReplyDeleteVery well written, but man does this story make my skin crawl. Its just so creepy... When will Rarity stop? When will it be enough? Not with Manehattan, that's for sure. Probably never.
After seeing the last big Nightmare Moon story go out with a whimper, I'm overjoyed to find a brand new short story (by Jetfire, no less) move in to clean up the mess left behind.
ReplyDeleteI don't suppose you could be convinced to make another sprawling epic based on this short story, could you?
@Baree
ReplyDeleteResistance Is Futile. You will Be Perfected.
I'm looking forward to your getting on the IDTGOYD sequel. This...I dunno. Brainwashing always settles poorly with me.
ReplyDeleteI look forward to the sequel showing her glorious failure.
ReplyDeleteHoly crap, that was brilliant! I guess we know who his favorite character is...
ReplyDeleteI can find so few flaws (its like he has an amazing attention too... detail...) and those that are present hardly subtract from the story. 5 stars, this was a great idea, brilliantly executed! I wish I could write this well.
That last page. that last page was sooooo great.
Is very good. I liek. I've now seen a story where Rainbow Dash became Celestia and Fluttershy became Luna, another where Twilight became Nightmare Moon, and now Rarity as Nightmare Moon. Just need some Apple Family Mafia or Pinkie Pie Is Watching You Forever to round out the set.
ReplyDelete...
ReplyDeleteChecked, and yes, that other one I mentioned was also written by you. Hurr.
Rainbow Celestia and Fluttershy Luna? That was Jetfire as well? Man, that was ages ago when that was posted... And I found it to be about just as creepy as this one...
ReplyDeleteInteresting...
ReplyDelete...well damn, now I have to read that story. I usually don't go for "far future" stuff, but then again I don't go for "adventure" too much either and....
ReplyDeleteCONFOUND YOU JETFIRE
(Of course, I imagine the above info is a big spoiler, but ah well)
Wait, wait - Rarity's dragon ally is ANCALAGON THE BLACK?
ReplyDeleteThe greatest dragon Morgoth ever created?
I almost feel like there should be a scene of Applejack yelling at Rarity: "Give it up, Rarity! Don't let the Nightmare claim you!"
And of course Rarity will respond: "I am NOT the Nightmare's. SHE is MINE!"
@Incorporatedstates lol dude no shit.i had the same feeling too after reading the comments and the story too. it would be nice if there was a part 2 or more into it and well this took me almost 2 hrs to finish lol
ReplyDeleteWhat would it take to convince you to add a few extra parts to this? :P
ReplyDelete>Reads again
ReplyDeleteOh yea, this is getting fan art later.
@DotRook Oh I am so looking forward to what you will draw for this story.
ReplyDeleteAnd I just realized another hidden jewel in this story with that shout-out to Ancalagon (a hidden jewel! Rarity would be so delighted).
In the Silmarillion, Ancalagon was the greatest draconic servant of Morgoth... who fell into darkness because of his lust and greed for the Silmarils, the greatest jewels in all Middle Earth.
And which pony is most closely connected to finding and taking gems?
Bravo, sir. Bravo.
One more dumb question:
ReplyDeleteWhatever became of Sweetie Belle? Does Nightmare Rarity keep her little sister around, or did she find her... too unsightly, for her perfect city?
@DotRook
ReplyDeleteI'd be honored.
As to Sweetie... I was actually thinking of addressing her in a future story.
@Jetfire More stories in this vein? Ooh, I'm looking forward to them.
ReplyDeleteIs this a one-timer, or will it be a series?
ReplyDeleteToo much telling, not enough showing. Sorry...
ReplyDeleteInteresting story. The only issue I have with this is that Twilight seemed to waver in her determination that Rarity was not who she had made friends with. It's probably just me though. Still, excellent story.
ReplyDeleteOnce again I get proof that Rarity is an evil b****.
ReplyDelete*Begins to run really fast to escape*
@MetalGearFlaccid
ReplyDeleteRarity's probably Cletus Kasady. Same symbiote (well, its descendant, not quite sure how symbiote lineage would work), but instead of essentially being turned into an evil fuckstick (for the most part), ends up working together with it. So yeah, she's the Carnage to Luna's Venom
Yet another amazing Jetfire story. Nightmarity made my skin crawl mostly because she dudn't seem corrupted, until he attacked the guard she was the same Rarity we know and love just with godly power.
ReplyDeleteIt's a shame this is just a one shot story, with that cliffhanger on a impending invasion I'd really love to see what would happen next. It would also be great to see how Pinkie, Fluttershy and the CMC(especially Sweetie Belle) were affected by this.
A nicely done Done in One.
ReplyDeleteHonestly I'd expect the same kind of reaction from her even without the Nightmare power(well maybe not the sabotage and sleeper cells), running your own country can do that.
Nightmarirty has essentially become Dr. Doom, ruler of a country that loves him and wants to rule the world simply because he thinks he can do a better job.
Rarity needs to be purged by Celestia's flames.
ReplyDelete"Meh, doesn't sound very--"
ReplyDelete>Author: Jetfire
"GOD DAMMIT!"
I need the sauce for the artist of the art,, SO MUCH
ReplyDeleteIts nice to see a tyrant story that doesn't necessarily use the concept as a pejorative.
ReplyDeleteThis actually reminded me a bit of a Star Trek episode I saw once, and what I liked most about it was how ambiguous it all was. It didn't treat any of the parties involved as being in the wrong, allowing the reader to make the conclusion, and it was stronger for it.
The first pony fix I read was jetfires the sun never sets and I loved it, the only problem I thought at the time was how short it was. I did realise that that was part of creating the story.
ReplyDeleteThis one however needs extending, it was fantastic, especially the last line. I really need more of this story...
Cool and kind of creepy at the same time. Another great work from Jetfire
ReplyDeleteOnly one flaw I can find with this story: that it ended. The end itself was great, but I wish it wasn't the end.
ReplyDeletePlease continue with this masterwork!
Very interesting story. Seems the Nightmare did a better job when paired with Rarity rather than with Luna.
ReplyDeleteWould probably have been quite dreary if it had been longer though. Short, and exploring the concept probably worked best.
Very interesting story. Seems the Nightmare did a better job when paired with Rarity rather than with Luna.
ReplyDeleteWould probably have been quite dreary if it had been longer though. Short, and exploring the concept probably worked best.
"Meh, doesn't sound very--"
ReplyDelete>Author: Jetfire
"GOD DAMMIT!"
Too much telling, not enough showing. Sorry...
ReplyDeleteOne more dumb question:
ReplyDeleteWhatever became of Sweetie Belle? Does Nightmare Rarity keep her little sister around, or did she find her... too unsightly, for her perfect city?
I kind of want to live in Nocturne. It certainly seems more exciting than Equestria.
ReplyDeleteNo mention of Fluttershy or Pinkie Pie anywhere in this... I need to know what they think of all this! Mostly Pinkie.
ReplyDelete@Most Recent Anonymous: It sounds like Nocturne might get a little TOO exciting soon, what with Nightmare Rarity's plans.
ReplyDelete@Cedric Bale
ReplyDeleteI didn't think Pinkie Pie would fit with the tone of the story. That, and I still struggle with writing her. I'll probably include her perspective in any follow-up I do.
Well, and Im trying to be very clear on my thoughts here, I honestly don't think I liked this one.
ReplyDeleteMaybe it's just my tastes. I wasnt a fan of the first Tyrant style story Jetfire wrote either. Now, don't get me wrong. Both are excellently written pieces, very well put together stories and prose. And both paint interesting pictures of worlds where things have gone....wrong.
But somehow, I feel like both stories miss a piece of what I've liked best of his other works. Especially in Dangerous Business, what always struck me was the care that Jetfire takes for character development. He manages to take the characters from essentially precisely the characterization considered 'official', and grow it into completely unexpected and b reathtaking configurations.
But with this one? I felt like i was missing something. Especially when things turned even more 'evilz' at the end, after Twilight left, it felt like it wasnt even looking at the same characters, since I had no feeling on what drove any of the characters to this role, which made it feel like they were out of place. None of the characters on the evil side seemed to be justified in it.
well, maybe im overthinking. It's not a bad work by ANY stretch. Just.....maybe I like things that have a better sense of hope?
Jetfire, I think you have a lot of potential as a writer. This is a great short story; you build up momentum slowly but surely, and finally throw in a great and unsettling payoff. Reading this and "Dangerous Business", it seems that your over-arching themes include notions of Free Will and Loyalty and how both can serve a great purpose but can also be used for nefarious deeds and can easily corrupt. With a strong thematic conviction, descriptive and engaging prose, and characters that remain consistent with their portrayals on the show, I do believe you are probably the finest writer on this site. I look forward to you grand sequel to "Dangerous Business" and have full confidence in what you do with the tale.
ReplyDeleteI'd like to see more of this, perhaps turn it into an epic where Rarity and the Princesses fight or something? I don't know, it just feels unfinished as it is now.
ReplyDeleteI wonder, is this story set in the past of the same universe as "The Sun Never Sets"?
ReplyDelete@Tosanu:
ReplyDeleteI don't think anything changed after Twilight left except our perception of reality. I've been thinking about it, and I've come to a conclusion.
There's only one way to view this where it doesn't seem disjointed at that point - and that's to read it with the interpretation that the Nightmare is, in fact, in control of Rarity. This flies directly against what Rarity told Twilight, but fits with "Nightmarity's" actions perfectly. And this interpretation isn't as far fetched as it seems.
Yes, the Nightmare 'ooze' flowed away from Rarity's form. However, Rarity's eyes were still nightmare eyes, and consider - we know from 'The Elements of Harmony' that Nightmare Moon could control multiple constructs formed from her essence (the Shadowbolts) at the same time. The actions of the Shadowbolts were choreographed, but they weren't syncronized - each one was being individually controlled. Further, that - and the rest of the episode - proved Nightmare Moon adept at shapeshifting. Is it, therefore, beyond possibility that what Twilight (and we) saw were simply two more transformational illusions on the nightmare's part?
@Jetfire
ReplyDeletehttp://dotrook.deviantart.com/art/A-Nightmare-State-of-Mind-252567138
Fan Art done!-squee-
Nightmare Rarity is the best pony.
I just looked at that art. It's absolutely amazing!
ReplyDeleteAnd man but did Spike ever hit a growth spurt.
Yet another amazing story. This universe could use a sequel, I feel. The ending felt more like a cliffhanger than an appropriate-but-vague conclusion, to me.
ReplyDeleteDangit, you should clone yourself a couple times. That was, one of you can work on the Dangerous Business universe, one the Sun Never Sets, and one the Nightmare State. Unless, of course, those last two are, in fact, the same universe at very different chronological periods. In which case you should only clone yourself once and set the clone to building a bridge story or two. The point is, clones. Get to it!
I haven't read this, but it had me at "crank your trance music".
ReplyDeleteNocturne reminded me a lot of TRON. As in, dark with glowing edges and such.
ReplyDeleteNightmarity, on the other hand, reminds me of Galadriel. "All shall love me and despair!"
Really, really not sure if want.
Hmm, i like how the nightmare appealed to her vanity, although the food shortages thing kind of hinted to me that there was a darkness beyond her embodiment of the night - fashion designers have to be cunning AND cutthroat, so I think this is completely in character for her. Also, nightmare Spike is awesome.
ReplyDeleteSolaris90 here.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to be perfectly honest. I really do not like this one, which is sad considering Dangerous Business is my all-time favorite story on this site. This story is extremely well written, but I just can't get beyond the actual events of the story.
I hate that Rarity's lost herself to the Nightmare, I hate how she's dragged Spike and Rainbow Dash down with her, I hate how the friendships have been broken, I hate the idea of Equestria falling to pieces, and ponies so easily giving in to Nightmarity. I mean, I fell in love with Dangerous Business, and MLP in general, because of the overarching theme of the power of friendship and goodness, of overcoming impossible obstacles through the bonds we share. So to see all that just...not thrown away but utterly forsaken, I just can't like it at all.
Well written, but I really hope you never touch on this particular universe again, Jetfire. And if it's in-canon with Dangerous Business...then $@#%.
I really loved this story, I mean, that aura of mystery at the beginning was just brilliant, then when we got to the castle, and everything that unfolded, was just excellent!
ReplyDeleteI know in case of a follow up the story would most likely morph into a grimdark one, but still, I would love to know what happens next!
This is some fine corrupted Generosity right here. I love Rarity, even when she's an evil queen of disco darkness.
ReplyDeleteJetfire, you rock! Sequel to Dangerous Business faster!
I really loved this story. You really did an awesome job portraying Rarity's perfect city, and I instantly fell in love with it. It had a very strong Tron Legacy feel to it; both in the visual aspect, and in how the caretaker of the city demanded perfection, no matter what the cost. And that ending, wow, that just made the whole story that much better. (ALL SHALL LOVE ME AND DESPAIR!) The only complaint I can think of is that Rarity's little "incident" with the guard seemed a bit too in-your-face for an otherwise very subtle character. Imo, without the guard incident, the end would be that much more powerful. On the other hand, the guard incident does show Rarity's fatal flaw of demanding absolute perfection: an unreachable goal. That nitpic aside, this is easily a 6-star story. Man I love short Dark-themed stories like this *so much*.
ReplyDeleteRarity's Moral Event Horizon moment for me was her use of brainwashing. I lost all possible sympathy for her after that, so I hope that was intentional on the author's part.
ReplyDelete@RoxorAnd it only gets worse when you consider that Nightmarity basically gets you to /beg/ her for the brainwashing. "There, see I've made you utterly perfect, as you always wanted to be. Pity it's only permanent for those who I know I can trust..."
ReplyDeleteIs it wrong for me to ask why this is only a one-shot? Why can't this be a full-length story; this idea needs to be expanded on.
ReplyDeleteI can honestly say that Nightmarerity had me pretty darn convinced that she wasn't actually evil. I mean if I was just going based on her words alone she makes a convincing case for her cause. I love how you managed to portray her so perfectly and deliciously corrupted. Great story!
ReplyDeleteHoly crud, that was amazing! The Dark Queen was definitely in-character with Rarity, a perfectly logical extension of her personality. At first, I too was wondering how people could possibly say she was evil. Whether she believes it or not, she is definitely being controlled by the Nightmare. At the same time, I could still see traces of the old Rarity in there. A 5-star read, my friend.
ReplyDelete