[Light-Shipping]
Author: DJnickbeta
Description: Manehattan is as famous as it is infamous. Penn, a local journalist as uninteresting as any other pony, falls for a model he sees in a fashion show hosted by an out-of town mare named Rarity, and finds out that love might not be so distant in a city that's about as far as a pony can get from the "real" world.Mares in Manehattan Part 1
Mares in Manehattan Part 2
Mares in Manehattan Part 3
Mares in Manehattan Part 4 (New!)
Additional Tags: Interpersonal Relationships, Discovery, New Experiences
30 comments:
lol penn, clever name for a journalist.
ReplyDeleteLol,
ReplyDeleteHe is gonna say "Everypony in this town is crazy!" or something to that effect.
And then Pinkie destroys his idea of crazy.
OH MY LORD.
ReplyDeleteFor a second I thought the title was "Fun Bus to Manehattan"
*shudder*
So far, I like it. Only time will tell how it develops. Mm'yes. Can't wait for more.
ReplyDeleteWhat an interesting premise. I'll give this a shot.
ReplyDeleteWhile the title gave me a chuckle as well the story thus far im liking, keep at it-
ReplyDeleteRarity and Fluttershy are going to manehattan together.
ReplyDeleteHuh. That was pretty good! Your OC seem to have potential, we'll have to see how Penn fleshes out as the story goes on.
ReplyDeleteHmm, not much to say otherwise. I didn't see any errors in your wording... then again I'm usually terrible with that.
So overall, I liked it! Looking forward to the next chapter.
This sort of just got awkward
ReplyDelete@Fiery Blade
ReplyDeleteIndeed. I look forward to seeing where this goes.
So far everything's been going exactly as I predicted it would go, so far. Not a bad thing per se, 'cause I predict an interesting plot developing.
ReplyDeletehmm I was right then by know I want to see where the plot will take me.
ReplyDeleteI look eagerly for the continuation! best part is, its updating fast it seems, and Fluts and Rare seem as in character as can be (certainly room for improvement). Penn isn't a half bad OC either. Can't wait for him to get fleshed out.
ReplyDeletePretty sure Light-Shipping is one of my favorite tags, right behind comedy.
Very interesting development until now. Eager to see where the author will take us!
ReplyDeleteAlso, worth noting that Fluttershy characterization was excellent.
I felt the first part was pretty rough -- I had a hard time getting into it until the Fluttershy and Rarity segment in their room.
ReplyDeleteThe buildup did a poor job of "hooking" me into the story. I understand that you were trying to convey a sense of workaday boredom, but... well, it was boring. I'm not asking for a gunfight or anything, but there wasn't much emotional investment going on either until Fluttershy hit the stage. In short, I didn't know Penn, and didn't see much reason to care.
The second chapter was a lot easier to read. Fluttershy's not my favorite character, but once we got past "Fluttershy is shy", the pace really picked up.
It seems every story i get into has some kind of big climax every time i get to the latest chapter for the first time. :|
ReplyDeleteAnd sixteen comments? awe.
Oh, man... I hope Prose is going to be okay.
ReplyDeleteI feel sorry for Prose. I mean she only wanted him. He wanted to hang with Fluttershy. And he got his wish for the couple of seconds.
ReplyDeleteEh. I had been enjoying it so far, but this is such a cliche... Sitcom central. Ah well, I suppose I'll be back for the next chapter regardless.
ReplyDeleteIf author ever reads this, that authors note at the end was a nice gesture. I am always the slightest bit uncomfortable with shipping in this fandom, regardless of how good the story is. Its kinda creepy. Thanks soooo much for the tameness of this. Nice change of pace.
ReplyDeleteBUT! like hell is chpt 3 a deal breaker here! I'm loving the story, and actually am concerned about your poor OC's! and fluts! poor prose. Keep 'em coming, cuz this be a darn good fic and its a shame its got, like, 20 comments. I eagerly await next chapter.
This is getting good! I look forward to part 4.
ReplyDeleteChapter 1: Just another average everyday pony discovering that Fluttershy is Moe As Fuck. I approve. 'Shy and Rarity feel right.
ReplyDeleteChapter 2: This is a much tighter chapter, everyone's in character and Penn and Prose are both engaging. It's sweet how Fluttershy in Penn's apartment just happened, and it's natural.
Chapter 3: Ohh... shit. I'd be more coherent, but that's all I can think when she catches Penn being assailed by Prose.
MOAR.
I knew it was a good idea to follow this ever since the first chapter was released.
ReplyDeleteChapter 1 - Introduction
Chapter 2 - Now I'm interested, next chapter please
Chapter 3 - OH MY GOD CLIFFHANGER MAKE THE FUCKING NEXT CHAPTER ALREADY YOU FUCKER
Nice work.
Ah yes, the classic "girl kissing a guy who doesn't want her, then the girl the guy wants walks in and sees them, gets mad and storms out, then the guy tells the girl that kissed him to get out" plot device.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, I really do like this story, but that cliche has been done in every single book and every single movie. I would've liked it better if you came up with an original plot device.
I love the characterization of the OC ponies as well as the Fluttershy and Rarity's spot on personalities. It's a great read and I can't wait for the next update.
ReplyDeleteHey everypony! I just want to make a note here apologizing about the gap between chapters three and four. I promise to send in an update within a week, and from then on, this story will update regularly. I've been trying to find my niche within our community, and because of a certain "rap" phase that I've been going through, my writing was pushed aside for almost a month while I tried to learn to rhyme. Regardless, count on an update in the near future, and also look forward to some new stories down the road. I've got four different plot lines written out, so if you like either of my stories, be sure to watch for my author tag.
ReplyDeleteYes! YES! I have been waiting soooo long for this update! Finally! screw sleep, chapter 3 had a murderous cliffhanger, like hell I'll go another minute with unanswered questions!
ReplyDeleteThx DJ! can't wait for more regular updates.
Glad to see this story with a new part! But if I could critique, Fluttershy seemed a bit stable in her speech compared to what I might have expected her to be, really quiet and squeaking at Rarity's questions.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI clicked this story because it first started to sound similar to the story that i am currently in the process of writing. Then i realized after reading the first part it was a shipping of Fluttershy and an OC. I loled and began to enjoy it, because in my story it's primarily a Rarity/OC ship in Manehattan. But at one point I mention of Fluttershy with a colt there. And I was wondering, with your permission of course, to make Penn have a cameo at one point during my story. Email me at jordan-oram@live.com with your reply.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/08/story-renowned-reputation.html
just in case you wanna see what he might be cameo'ed in.
I really enjoyed this story ^^
PS, my blogger says i'm µCensor, but my author name is JordanJwoww, just to not confuse you