[Sad]
Author: Fluttershy Oakley
Description: A brief description of the night preceding Luna's tragic transformation into the wicked mare of darkness. The myth of old has left out a few vital details that must be made abundantly clear!Luna's Descent
Additional Tags: Sad, Simple, Cold, Introverted, Hollow
20 kommentaari:
lol first
VastaKustutalike the pic
VastaKustutaYay! Moar Fanfiction!
VastaKustutaNo, this isn't about Luna taking on missions to clear interstellar mining colonies of rogue robots for the PTMC.
VastaKustutapic is awesome
VastaKustutaDude.. Awesome! Very well written, and the language/emotions are very strong in this one :3
VastaKustutaAlmost made me cry, but because I'm in such a happy mood anyway, I didn't ^^'l
Nice. I almost don't know if i'd tag it [Sad] though since we do ultimately know how it ends, but I guess it's the most fitting.
VastaKustuta@lambpasty
VastaKustutaThen a [Doomed by Canon] tag, then?
@shadowfalcon76
VastaKustutathat or [Banana Bag].
Holy crap, Lily, I was beginning to think I was the only one that remembered that franchise.
VastaKustutaNow I'm wracking my brain trying to think how it would make sense to cross them over. The fact you start out on the moon helps though...
Ugh, the tenses are all over the place in this. :|
VastaKustutaI'm about 1/3 through, and it seems like a nice enough story, but the constant tense shifts from sentence to sentence, sometimes even within one sentence (!), are making it really hard to actually get into the flow of the story.
Indeed.
VastaKustutaPick a tense and stick with it; the shifts are really jarring me out of the story, which is a shame because it offers a nice insight into the events leading to Luna's deep loneliness metastasising into something truly malignant.
It also would have been good to see Celestia's heartbroken reaction to Luna's new form and attitude (wow, that kinda made me sound like a real plothole) as well as her getting back at the ponies for the perceived slights she suffered from them.
Aside from some tense errors, this is a beautifully written story. It's like your in a bad dream the whole way through. You know what's going to happen, but you can't stop it.
VastaKustutaIt was pleasant to read these comments, thank you for taking the time to write them everypony.
VastaKustuta:D (Hasn't read the story, yet) Is that Goudy Old Style? If so: Good font choice; are you a Key Clubber?
VastaKustuta@Lily Surette
VastaKustutaAh yes, Descent... It was quite an interesting game, back in the day. :)
*looks at pic*
VastaKustutaYeah, I'm pretty sure you are ...
@Lily Surette
VastaKustutaYou know, Decent 2 was my first 'oh shit, I've played too much of this game' experience. I was 11 or 12, and managed to play it for something like 15 hours straight, then nearly freaked out when I began to see visions of the gameplay every time I closed my eyes.
I thought I was having a psychotic episode, but instead of telling my parents, I just stopped playing for like a week. Thankfully it worked.
>Barely a sound to be heard, which was hardly surprising given the animals’ similar desire for day.
VastaKustuta-Huuhhhh... I'm not a biologist, but isn't there several millions of species of animals and insects and etc, who live during the night ?
>This was all that she’d ever wanted! How this idea had never come to her before, she would never know
-So... in this Reality, Celestia is THE one responsible, later, for Luna's desire to keep the Moon eternally in the sky ?
>to wait more than a thousand years to be released
-Well, technically it's 1000Years flat, no ?
... Not bad, though the end seems a bit 'light' in content. Also, the ''she will NEVER be able to be fully happy ever'', at the end, is a bit ridiculous.
Time is long, very long, and with enough time and motivation, things can go right once again ...
Liked it. Three stars.
VastaKustutaDidn't like it a lot and didn't love it.
Just liked it.