Author: Thorin N. Tatge
Description: Six ponies. Fifteen combinations. Five alternate universes.The Combinatorics Project Part 1
Let's get this ship sailing!
The Combinatorics Project Part 2
The Combinatorics Project Part 3
The Combinatorics Project Part 4
The Combinatorics Project Part 5
The Combinatorics (Bonus Chapter) (New!)
The Combinatorics Project (All Links)
Additional Tags: Shipping Paradise, Femmeslash, Romance, Ridiculous
195 comments:
Is this...
ReplyDeleteIs this what I think it is?
Everypony with everypony?
ridiculous? romance? i am intrigued!
ReplyDeleteI'm afraid to read it... =O
ReplyDeleteI am... Intrigued.
ReplyDeleteOkay, shipping is bad enough as it is, but this... this has gone too far.
ReplyDeleteWell, I was looking for something lighter than dark. Possibly still mind scaring. If I can't make it through I'll mention where I had to drop out.
ReplyDeleteI saw this fanfiction and though: This, this is for me.
ReplyDeleteI dont know if i should be adding another incomplete fic to watch but this just seems to good to not try.
ReplyDeleteShipping? Random? Just fifteen? Alright, I'll bite.
ReplyDeleteI wholeheartedly support this. Let the games begin!
ReplyDeleteSomepony needs to write a story with cliche's on epic proportions:
ReplyDeleteThe mane 6 need to be in canterlot for an important something. The wonderbolts will be there so RD doesn't want to risk breaking her tissue paper wings so she agrees to be teleported with Twilight and the rest of the ponies. Twilight screws up the spell. All of the mane 6 are transported into the future where Trolestia's plans to rule equestria alone have come to fruitition. Not only are they transported into the future, but they are all cloned 4 times. There now being 5 of each pony in the mane 6 causes emotional disaster. Not to mention all of the RD clones' wings have mysteriously vanished. The emotional wreck they group has becomes forces them to all confront thier feelings for eachother. (Thats right 5 clones each to ship with 5 other clones.. your looking at shipping on an astronomical level). Celestia has finally destroyed all of her sister (Luna was what was left of her original sister's magic, as NMM was the original star princess). In the end the twi' clones attempt to rebuild the star princess from the magic that makes up the night sky, but things go horribly wrong. The star princess 'luna' is created, but she is cloned, along with every other pony in the entire land of equestria, so much that there is a pony for every other individual pony in the whole land to be shipped with in every possible way.
[Happy][Sad][Comedy][Grimdark][Shipping][Etc.]
Get to work!!!
Aww, just normal pony romance?
ReplyDeleteWhy not make this fic interesting and add troll romance ;)
I'm sure troll romance comes in on one of the later universes. :D
ReplyDeleteThis was a quite fun read; I'm looking forwards to the other pony pairing permutations!
... I don't know what to think. Twilight and Pinkie horrified me, I'll be honest. Not the coupling, but oh my God the insanity.
ReplyDeleteBut it was an interesting read. I look forward to the other... What is it, Twelve combinations now? I fully expect Pinkie to horrify me each and every time.
Oh, a commune isn't a brothel. This is...news to me
ReplyDeleteThat was indeed interesting.
ReplyDeleteI can't wait for the next parts.
And Twinkie is just...
I have no idea how to properly explain that.
@Flatterscheu
ReplyDeleteBut... but friendship!
Applejack is totally Rainbow Dash's moraille. Same with Dash and Pinkie Pie.
ReplyDeleteI don't remember what the club symbol meant though.
This. Is. The. Best. Idea. EVER.
ReplyDeleteBut I am /begging/ you: when you do Pinkie Dash, pleasepleasePLEASE make it disgustingly adorable (and possibly from the viewpoint /of/ the couple) as possible.
The fact that you're a great author just makes this project 20% cooler! I will be eagerly awaiting more. <3 Especially Pinkie Dash, Rariligjt, and Rarijack.
Ok here's my thoughts:
ReplyDeleteThe first 3 pairings you went for I can not say I have EVER seen before, was it intentional to go for the least shipped pairs first to get feedback for the more popular ones?
Raridash: (will not call it rarebow) as a celebrity couple makes more sense than honestly any other ship from a social standpoint. I just don't enjoy it though. Not sure why.
Appleshy: This is the most incredibly sweet and healthy relationship I have never considered. Love how this one was handled.
Twinky: Best ship ever. If I am ever wealthy enough to own my own seafaring vessel I will name it Twinky Ship. It's like the forces of order and chaos have found the perfect temperance. A part of me is kind of morbidly curious as to just how close to a total nervous breakdown Twi came before just letting go.
As for personal preferences? I don't really have "favourite" ships. I accept shipping in stories more readily than some, but on my own I tend not to think of the characters that way. As long as they are all happy, I'm happy.
I was not prepared. At all. For Twilight and Pinkie. At all.
ReplyDeleteThe GREAT and POWERFUL Trevor is pleased that he wasn't the first pony to think if the idea of taking Feather Boots from FF and turning it into a Pony version! Awesome! (I think it's taken to an extreme, in allowing Rarity to so easily return home, but whatever! XD You didn't call them Feather Boots specifically, just winged, so... XD Still, nice to see somepony else use that idea! Doesn't make me feel so awkward in using it as well!)
ReplyDelete@terrycloth
ReplyDeleteThe Auspictice is essentially a cockblocker.
eg. A failed one being Applejack to Fluttershy and Trixie in Kindness' Reward
This was very interesting.
ReplyDeleteTwinkie? Twinkie! Oh how I love Twilight/Pinkie Pie, so much potential for insanity and hilarity, easily my OTP.
ReplyDeleteCan't wait for the next part. I'm most looking forward to Pinkie Pie/Applejack.
@PlaceHolderNot really, it just keeps 2 people from killing each other.
ReplyDeleteI really like it so far, well written and interesting. I know this is the first one and it may not all be like this, but I do like having Rarity being a sort of tour guide so you can a pony's point of view for the other ships, some sort of constant in the story.
ReplyDeletePinkie dash already has roots in canon, as does rareshy. Pinkie does show a weird pinkie sort of affection torwards rainbow, and rarity and pluttershy enjoy eachother.
ReplyDeleteBut that.... Leaves...... Maybe we should try another verse. Twijack scares me.
In an odd way, Twinkie makes sense. Pinkie gives Twilight a chance to look at problems from a very... unique angle. Plus I'm sure she has no problem being the test subject for anything that Twilight develops.
ReplyDeleteAppleshy also makes a lot of sense. They're both very close to nature and enjoy working with it all day.
However Raredash is just... odd. They'd probably drive each other insane.
I look forward to the rest of this series. Can't wait to see Rare Pie and Apple Pie
Twinkie Pie.
ReplyDeleteNuff said.
This is promising. I like what you've done with these three pairings, especially the mad science. Can't wait to see what's next. ^^
ReplyDelete@bronydash
ReplyDeleteI believe you are on the wrong website... mister trolly-pants.
I'm not much into shipping, but this...
ReplyDeleteRaridash as a celebrity couple - awesome!
Appleshy... dawwwwwwwwwwwwww
Twinky... well, what. I'm speechless.
Ok, I tried, but I just couldn't do it. It was hilarious, but over the first few chapters there was too much shipping for me (I never really liked mane 6 shipping). That's the point, of course, but I just can't take this much obligatory shipping in one sitting. Still rating high, though. I know I'll be back for more as soon as I get time.
ReplyDeleteIt looks like we have some neeeeeeeeeighsayers in the crowd.
ReplyDeleteI like the idea. I especially love the Twi-Pinkie part. Hilarious :P
I could see this being a sort of two stage fic, if you REALLY want to have grand aspirations. Dimensional mix ups....how I love thee. If you get the drift.
Hmm Dimentional mixups.. Piers Anthony's Xanth series had some fun scenes where 2 alternate realities interact...
ReplyDeleteI honestly don't know what to say.
ReplyDeleteThe RareDash kinda made sense, as did the Appleshy, though neither of them are ones I'd write for myself, personally perferring other pairs to those.
Twinkie was just plain scary.
The writing was good though, and I'll keep an eye on this for the potentiality of Twishy and Dashiepie.
"Hats were everywhere, bobbing on the heads of workers. Straw hats, burlap hats, ridged paper…practically no two in the same shape or style! Apparently they were a rule, spoken or unspoken, of the commune. Yet there was only one Stetson, and it thankfully confirmed the identity of the well-toned carrot orange earth pony beneath it."
ReplyDeleteIs this TF2
I demand more detail of the Pinkie and Twilight ship! I heard so much good and then when I read it . . .blam! too short and told in the past-tens was not what I was expecting.
ReplyDeleteWell, I'll say in all honesty, I did not see the angel reveal coming, in part 2.
ReplyDelete@EnergizerBonnie Disgustingly adorable, eh? I'll see what I can do. ;)
ReplyDelete@DPV111 I may have subconsciously decided to start with less common pairings, although I've seen a couple Appleshys (supported by an incident in the dragon episode) and at least one of each of Raridash and Twinkie. Suggestions for the pairings I haven't done yet are certainly welcome.
ReplyDeleteI hope you do get your own ship someday! And that's a good point--Twilight probably had to go through a Rapidash explosion moment or two before finally accepting her chaotic lot.
@Shadow Dragon Chapter 2 is here--One Rare Pie comin' right up! But what flavor of Apple Pie are you looking for? ;)
ReplyDelete@Stephen Cawking More Twinkie stories? Well, maaaaybe. If there's enough demand! But I wanna get the fic done first!
ReplyDeleteI'm writing a novel about a raccoon lady who does things similar to what Pinkie Pie does in that quote. Maybe you'd like reading about her! 8)
My body was not ready for Twinkie.
ReplyDeleteLet me just say I love the systematic approach to shipping; you manage to fit in all the weirdest combinations without breaking the tone of the story! A very fun read!
ReplyDeleteNo, this is...
ReplyDeleteNo...
I started, but I'm not sure I want to continue this story.
MOAR NOAW. I want to see pinkiedash with pinkie attaching balloons too her house so they can be together, and rarishy with photoshoots done right!
ReplyDeleteoh god
ReplyDeletethey even argue about what kinds of things they argue about
yes
AppleJack . . . O.K!
ReplyDeleteTwiShy . . . . O.K!
RariPie . . . . WTF?
I cracked up when they were discussing orgasms in front of Twilight and Spike. Lulz.
ReplyDeleteI'm looking forward to Twidash. Let's do this!
TwiShy was adorable.
My appreciation for this story is only improved by its basis in mathematics.
ReplyDeleteSeriously though, this is a pretty neat thought experiment, to see all 15 pairings as written by the same person. I wonder if it might become a common exercise.
Oh man. That was, as a certain butterfly would say, 'Yay'
ReplyDeleteOr shall I say, I loved it. Especially since I think AppleDash would be exactly that way.
And I think what I love most about this series is that everypony is already together. There's no shipping cliches, etc.
Personally, I hope that one of the alternate Applejacks finds out about the commune and is absolutely appalled. Possibly the ones from the Applelight or Applety universes, since those ponies can lend her the organizational and business skills, respectively, to bring Apple Acre Farms to new heights.
ReplyDeleteTwishy was adorable. After reading this, that's a pairing I want to see more of. And setting them up as a couple of shut ins works perfectly.
ReplyDeleteAppledash is my favorite ship so it was great seeing your version of it. I could see them being like that.
Twidash, Apple Sparkle and Apple Pie should be interesting pairings to see coming up.
I was quick to judge because of the random tag, and if it weren't for the ratings I might have fallen into the mistake of not reading these stories. How glad I am that I did read them after all!
ReplyDeleteThe portrayal of the relationships was entertaining to read, but it also made me think. You've succeeded in that regard, for sure.
Not only that, but you've even kept the pairings believable throughout the stories. One could say you've made snippets of their lives, as mentioned beforehand, by compressing the story of them founding love in each other into tales they recall when asked by an old friend.
Now for the unofficial part: I can't wait for the next chapter, and although I'm biased towards certain pairings, I'm always open for comedy and fun romance!
Can we, by any chance, follow your work on a website other than EqD (since your works are probably not only related to ponies)?
Another wonderful chapter! The pairings were both terribly amusing and surprisingly believable, from the too-tranquil home life of Twilight and Fluttershy to the constant competition between Dash and Applejack... even Pinkie and Rarity made sense, somehow!
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to the next chapter.
This was amazing. And fun. And cute.
ReplyDeleteAnd that Angel - I did have a hunch about who that might be, but it still hit me.
WOOOO! AppleDash! My favourite ship. the way you wrote it is really believable, I can see it happening so easily in my mind well done, can't wait to see how you write ApplePie, it's one of the most underrated ships I reckon.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAnd, of course, in any Pinkie Pie series, the fourth wall has to take at least one hit. Of course, it's the version that's a mad scientist.
ReplyDeleteI'm interested in seeing how the other three installments will pan out.
Though I'm not a fan of AppleDash, yours made me lol. They would totally have contest to see who could give the other the first orgasm XD
ReplyDeleteAnyway, can't wait to see your FlutterDash, which is my OTP. I always love FlutterDash, even if no one can do it as well as the monster, if anyone here even gets that joke, lol.
Part 2 was great. I read it while mildly intoxicated and it made the Masquerade more heady. Excellent atmosphere crafting. Apple/Dash was hilarious and definitely a side of that ship I haven't seen before. Keep up the good work and I hope you don't run out of ideas.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAfter writing a guide to shipping and referencing this story multiple times, I feel it's time to catch up and see what else you've done.
ReplyDeleteSo this is TwiShy, Pinkity and AppleDash. I AM INTEREST
I can kind of see Twilight's married life going something like this, regardless of who her other half is.
"I've always been a talented procrastinator." BOY HAS SHE
No, AJ, not the alicorn OC! D: These two... this is amazing. No shmoopy bedroom eyes or cuddling under the apple trees. They haven't changed; in fact, they've gotten worse. One day, they will both explode and it will be amazing.
Oh my god, what are they... Wow. Poor Twilight.
Poor Fluttershy too, she doesn't like fooling ponies. D:
Twilight, I don't think ponies go to masquerades to "have a spicy time". c.c Oh dear, they're both so adorably awkward, it's like they were made for each other.
Okay now, Pinkie and Rarity are working very nicely off one another. That interplay is really important, and I think this chapter is a lot more successful for me than the previous.
I bet that's Rainbow AND AJ.
Huh, I guess not. INTRIGUING.
So I had written a thing about how the first pairs we're introduced to in these chapters so far seem to be the weakest, but this final scene with Twilight and Fluttershy more than makes up for it, I think. So this one's selling me a lot better than the first (even if I did LOVE the FlutterJack!) and overall a really successful episode! If I hadn't already given this five stars...
@Present Perfect
ReplyDeleteI was tickled by the idea of my story being referenced by a guide to shipping, so I searched for it and read it! It wasn't quite what I expected, but was still nifty. I'm printed out that Shipping Triangle image and put it on my wall, and now I'm crossing off the images one by one.
Glad you liked this chapter! I'm more than half done with Chapter 3. The comment of yours that thrilled me the most was "Oh dear, they're both so adorably awkward, it's like they were made for each other." I didn't consciously mean to do that, so that makes it a triumph of characters being themselves!
I was just thinking of this earlier today. I now have reason to believe I have a power in that area.
ReplyDeleteAny requests?
Lol, a stigma against being straight? How the hay does that even make sense? XD
ReplyDelete@Ace2401
ReplyDeleteExactly! It doesn't! The discrimination must END.
(Seriously laughed hard when I read that part of the fic.)
Chapter 3...
ReplyDeleteWTF
I think my brain broke now.
@blindredquine
ReplyDeleteI laughed too XD
Huh...
ReplyDeleteWell Chapter 3 sure was...
Something...
Hmm...
I know what I'm doing for the rest of the evening! (no not like that...)
ReplyDeleteI kind of feel cheated that we don't get to see what TwiDash is actually like in practice, though. I guess it's 'Twilight as Rainbow's groupie'? n.n
ReplyDelete...which makes sense. I mean, the first time they met that's why they became friends, right? Twilight was actually impressed by her shenanigans.
With the stigma on straight, and Twilight's reclusiveness, I knew there was a gender-bender coming.
ReplyDelete-Doctor Hammerschutz, the shrink in my head-
Zhat iz qvite a psychological trepidation for Ms. Dash. shix-out-of-seven-days, she'll be repulsed and attracted to her lover concurrently, und on ze seventh she can have her, knowing she'll be a mare in ze morning.
"So basically, screw Spike?"
ReplyDeleteROFLMAO
my first sereous shipping read and i love it... WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
ReplyDeleteOMG WTF that was so amazing I don't know how I feel about it. It wasn't really disturbing actually, just strange. Kind of awesome that even though their dreams led them to such weird lifestyles, they actually all got exactly what they wanted and makes them the happiest. I guess the moral is that it doesn't matter how others view you, it only matters how you feel about who you are.
ReplyDeleteI love the comedy you put everywhere, more so in #3! I like to see all these Ships, and the way every chapter is presented. They are built around the same concept, yet they are very unique.
ReplyDeleteSpoilers of chapter 3 on this comment, everypony.
ReplyDeleteOkay, so in chapter three, I don't know if I skipped a detail or something, but wasn't Rainbow Dash openly straight? I mean, she later states that she always liked (and repeatedly states that loves) Twilight. But it's just confusing. It is stated that she is straight but the confesses that she has always loved Twi? I require an explanation.
But other than that, very good job. Everything is fully detailed and very creative. I'm looking forward for the next chapters.
Chapter 3.
ReplyDeleteThe ending = ME GUSTA.
Also Rarity reminds me of Reaver.
I don't know why.
Wow. I mean....wow.
ReplyDeleteI was impressed enough by chapter three, and still love the stories, and the metaphors, but I just didn't like that interpretation of Flutterpie or Rare-apple.
ReplyDeleteRare-apple worked with their characters granted, but I just feel that with both ponies having such a respect for hard work and a passion for what they do they'd be able to work closer than what amounts to a scheduled fling.
Flutterpie just missed the ball completely I thought. You combined their weaknesses instead of working with what they had in common. Both ponies have a great capability for compassion, between Flutter's care for animals and Pie's love of just making sure everypony has a good time. Such caring about others seems a good way to bring them together; where as you took the two and turned them into a mad hermit pair. Not necessarily wrong as in totally implausible, but just unpleasant and a bit dark.
Twidash worked beautifully though, the characters stayed perfect to themselves and worked in the end. It was still weird, but it just worked with itself better than the other two. Probably because if just felt happier.
I think what went wrong with chapter three is it uses Flutterpie and Rare-apple too much as a metaphor tool and not enough to build up a solid pairing for the sake of a solid pairing. I still love this story, I just think you should maybe revisit this set and do a more pleasant version as an aside. All and all it's still five stars, its still quality, I just like my little ponies to frame a happier narrative.
Chapter 3.
ReplyDeleteWAT.
Hah! Chapter 3 was absolutely insane. I'm sure I'm not the only one who saw Twilight coming a mile away, but even then... Anyway, as said, its all a bit unsettling. All three pairings. But that's not a bad thing, per se. I kinda enjoy the weirdness of it. Its new. Its fresh. And at the same time, its not really sad, or dark. Yeah, I kinda like chapter 3, in a sort of unsettling way.
ReplyDeleteChapter 3 was...strange. That much is certain. But having a stigma against heterosexuality was a very intersting touch. And hey, it's Sparkledash, the best ship, so that's always good. Even if it's a strange kind-of-gender-bendered version.
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to the Applespark chapter!
This fic...
ReplyDeleteIseewhatyoudidthere.jpg
I'll have to agree with the cat-typing-named fellow above me though; regarding to those last parings. I really did not see where you were going with "Flutterpie". Surprising considering you played off Raripie rather well ... and Twinkle... sort of. That really WAS disturbing.
Anyway, I'm looking forward to the next few chapters! So much potential!
oh dear, i had a large post typed out here and i accidently my browser window. oh, i am so frustrated i could just scream.
ReplyDeleteahhhhh.
sorry. uhm, i didn't like it at all. i think you should have played opposites here a bit. Fluttershy's shyness being tempered by Pinkie's parties while Pinkie's outbursts being calmed by Fluttershy. Applejacks dislike of refinement tempered by Rarity with Rarity's OCD exactness smoothed by Applejack's 'fudge it.' instead, you have what amounts to a twice-weekly 'i'll surrender all of what i am to make our marriage work' and a 'we're crazy Willy Wonka wannabe hermits for, uhm, no reason?'
The 'main ship' of Rainbow Dash/Twi, well, it kinda works? a little shallow, RD being so focused on her 'straightness' that all it takes is a body change to make her fall for Twi. buuuut, that opens a large can of worms about what constitutes sexual preference and how that relates to body type, et al. i think you sacrificed a decent story for a 'tweeest' in RD's sexuality there.
i really do like the whole 'hetero discrimination' thing though. as a story idea, that could work but it maybe should have been ... separate from this series?
sorry, i just do not like the latest chapter. at all. sorry ... still like the series idea and the other chapters, though.
... What.
ReplyDeleteStallion Twilight is most confusing Twilight. I'm scared. I need an adult.
That was an interesting way to having Twilight and Rainbow hook up. And one that, in a way, I could see happening.
ReplyDeleteAs a side note, I'd love to see this big business AJ meet the commune AJ from the earlier chapter. :P
The third chapter was decidedly odd, yet I enjoyed it. Who said that these pairings would all have to work out in ways that we find pleasing, or at all?
ReplyDeleteAlso remember that we are seeing these relationships from the perspective of Rainbow Dash, who's not at her happiest or most understanding at this point...
So, what combinations of pairings are there left?
ReplyDeleteI would expect the "Couples by pony type" one will be the last one - AxP, FxD & TxR.
That leaves us with... Applejack and Twilight, Dash and Pinkie, and Rarity and Fluttershy.
I'm interested in seeing how all these turn out!
Well that was... different. I was wondering how Pinkieshy would work, and it worked pretty well in my opinion. Found Dash's reaction to one of her friends having a sex change in front of her eyes a bit odd
ReplyDeleteStill, watching with interest
@Lurks-no-More
ReplyDeleteThere is a certain expectation that FIM fics, at least when not tagged otherwise, are going to be bappy and not-dark. I think the chief complaint people have about chapter three is that the chapter as a whole seems a bit weird-sad and flutterpie in particular is just way, way, way too dark. I liked the story, it was worth reading, I just would like to see chapter three (which admittedly has probably the hardest grouping of mane6 pairings) done in a more positive manner also.
Chapter 1... Fluttershy and AJ seemed so wrong in that "commune" style setting. Twilight and Pinkie together... I liked it. They might break Equestria, but it'll have been a fun ride while it lasted... Rarity and RD... Not the keenest on that one.
ReplyDeleteChapter 2 was my favorite. Not very usual ships, but every pony seemed to compliment one another in that one, and for the better. No one fell far out of their natural personalities either, and that was good. Twilight reverted to her solitary bookworm ways enough to worry Celestia, but it's made quite clear that the restoration of interaction with her neglected friends has solved that.
Chapter 3... W.T.F.
OK, so first off, suddenly Equestria is socially and genetically suicidal, and somehow the natural order of nature's methods of procreation are shunned. Reproducers are an ANOMALY that are tolerated only for the technicality that they are the continuation of the race! Did I mention WTFLOLWUTBBQ?
The AJ+R and FS+PP pairings seem so twisted and convoluted and unnatural. Fluttershy is basically enabling Pinkie to devolve into an antisocial crazy hybrid of her Pinkamina Diane and Pinkie personalities. AJ and Rarity have more or less sold out to an image and a pair of industries, rather than even try to be true to themselves OR each other.
I've not yet read the conclusion of this. Seriously. It's like one of those hate speech preachers, but in BIZARO WORLD!!! You're straight, you're gonna burn in PONY HELL! PREACHY MUCH!!!
I'm gonna finish this chapter in a minute... and stupid eyeballs spotted a spoilerific comment... Oops on me. I just had to stop cause I was so freaking sick of hearing about some twisted bizarro world's disgust with "insert peg A into slot B."
@richfiles
ReplyDeleteWait till you get to RD+T at the end ;)
I actually liked the end of chapter 3. It still feels like this author has some twist in their head against straights... but I digress. Twilight Loves Rainbow. Rainbow in this story's fanon is straight. It break Twi's heart, so she goes out of her way, bends over backwards, pesters Celestia, and devotes over 1/3 of a year of her life to changing herself to become what Rainbow wants... A stallion.
ReplyDeleteIn the end Rainbow is honored at the gesture, can be satisfied the way she needs, and can still love her best friend. PP, FS, AJ, and Rarity all are twisted caricatures of their former selves. Twilight and Rainbow have exemplified the pure essence of who they are and grown, Rainbow the Wonderbolt, and Twilight the Mage. Nothing Twilight did was twisted. She gave of herself to make the one she loved happy, and succeeded! Rainbow is crushed by the effective loss of 4 of her friends to to their own personal insanities, but has refined her last friendship to love.
For that, I LOVED part 3 of chapter 3.
As for parts 1 and 2 of Chapter 3...
I shall call forth ancient and forgotten tongue, words lost to antiquity, something with so much age as to once again carry a meaning, for the sheer SHOCK of hearing it spoken. Only such words, obscured by time and hidden by history could ever formulate the truest meaning of the horror and distaste I find formulating within my psyche, by the lyrical absorption of chapter three, parts one and two. Those words, spoken by frazzle haired Cheerilee...
GAG ME WITH A SPOON!!!
And yes, Twilight Stallion and Rainbow was both adorable and beautiful.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, I did call forth the power of the 80's... How radical is that.
@richfiles
ReplyDeleteHa, I guess so. Twilight Stallion was just a turn off for me I guess.
Manly tears were shed in chapter 4
ReplyDelete@Alvinsaur
ReplyDeleteI agree, it was sad
I think Chapter 4 is my favorite one so far. I like the pairings a lot, and I *really* like the way they made their decisions this time.
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to the final dose =D
All i kept thinking the entire time with chapter 3, lol wut.
ReplyDeleteThis made me sad; Luna I don't, neigh, I can't blame you.
ReplyDeletei don't like how this is turning out. uhm, i was thinking it'd be a lighthearted and silly piece where everything works out, somehow, even the most odd of combinations. and, uh, it seemed to start out that way. but the darker turn it's taken ...
ReplyDeleteit's not bad and i'm not going to edit my star rating. i just don't think it's working out like i thought it would after reading the first chapter. i like grimdark, i like sad things.
i liked Cupcakes of all things, once someone went through and fixed the glaring errors. i just think i went into this with an expectation that wasn't met. i'm sorry.
as to chapter 4, again, it was ... more serious than i was expecting. i liked the ending, in a way. just ... sorry. i was going to say i was probably not going to follow this but there is only more more chapter to go.
here's hoping.
I am shocked and appalled. I can understand why the different races mating might be taboo with M/F pairings, since either no offspring would result or the offspring might be "unpredictable", but it makes no sense for same sex pairings to be taboo no matter the combo since no offspring would be possible anyway.
ReplyDeleteHoo boy, I haven't commented on any of the other chapters so far yet, so I'll just let you read it in one go:
ReplyDeleteChapter 1 was the most "normal" of the bunch, I would say. I liked how you took the Mane 6's personalities as they were and framed the story so that their lives were still realistic while meshing with that of their partner's. A good base, I think.
Chapter 2 was by far my favorite, more for the story being told rather than the pairings themselves. "Twishy" and "Raripie" doesn't suit me as well as the other pairings presented, but with the circumstances you provided I can honestly say that you really sold the idea to me. Rainbow Dash and Applejack was a favorite of mine from the get-go, and you certainly did it justice. The pairings are all how someone would think they would be, with no surprises at all. But from the entire chapter, the idea of the masquerade ball had me enthralled: showing sides of someone's personality that can't usually be seen due to the limits of an identity. Very, very nice here.
Chapter 3, honestly, as strange as it was, seemed like an interesting contrasting throwback to Chapter 1. Instead of meeting each other where they were, the couples sacrificed their individuality for their loved ones preemptively, even though it was never required. I loved the fact that while Rainbow Dash is taking in the news that her best friends are basically sellouts for their love, she's a hypocrite in the fact that she accepts Twilight's love once Rainbow Dash finds that Twilight's willing to change something as all-encompassing as her gender just to be with her.
You did a good job with Chapter 4, I think, in terms of taking your writings in constantly different directions. Whereas Chapters 1-3 were always on the same level in terms of happiness-to-crappiness, Chapter 4 starts out as happy, only to get progressively worse (in mood, mind you). I like how you handled the Mane 6 falling out of love, even if such a concept makes me feel a bit of melancholy just thinking about it. Despite the excellent writing and the bittersweet ending, I was glad to call it quits.
You're doing a truly excellent job with this series, Thorin. For my own interests, as well as many of the other fans reading this, I hope the last chapter ends on a more positive note, and that you take my review for the better. Still, nobody can tell you how to write your stories, can they? :)
I just want to imply one thing with the ending of chapter 3, Dash isnt really straight anymore. Sure Twi can become a stallion for a day once a week, but its not like Dash will shun her when she cant Transform the other 6 days.
ReplyDeleteYou tried to keep Dash straight with her talking about lugging Stallion Twi around, and that whole last bit, but 6 days every week she will be normal. All this transforming Twilight does for TwiDash is that they can have kids. Which I like, its an interesting concept.
In all honesty, i think 3 would have ended better with them joking about dating, no need for talking about spike and what not after that part, it just comes off to me as you forced it in to give people answers on what will happen to spike and tried to keep Dash somewhat straight.
I mean you even had a perfect set up with Dash falling in love with Twilight for what she did, and didn't need to keep any relevance of straight Dash, AJ said she thought she was straight and fell in love with Rarity, easy as that for Dash. You even had Dash say it doesn't matter what your body is like.
Great chapter though, i liked the use of the others relationships for Twilight and Dash to joke about towards the end. Just for me, the chapter ends with Dash asking Twi for a date.
Now on to chapter 4.
Racistjack! I laughed, I managed not to cry, but chapter 4 put me in such a somber mood.
ReplyDeleteFinally got around to reading chapter 3, I'm glad there's no continuity for these things. I love the way you characterized all the relationships and made straight the new gay. I can't believe I've never seen that before! But yea, I think 3 was on par with 4 and the way each of these chapters reads like a completely different story is pretty much the greatest thing ever. I'm definitely looking forward to the next chapter!
ReplyDelete"Happy Birthday to You" is a song copyrighted by Time Warner, and singing it where a substantial number of ponies is gathered is illegal unless the party singing it pays the company appropriate royalties.
ReplyDeleteOh wow, I didn't even read the next few paragraphs before making that comment.
ReplyDeleteSome parts of 4 were just heartbreaking. Perhaps the saddest part of it is Fluttershy. As the story said, she was just too kind to break Dash's heart. But if that's the only reason, then you know she's going to keep wondering if there love is real or not.
ReplyDeleteI dunno, I think this has lost a lot of it's charm as it has slipped further and further into cynical nihilism. Chapter three had a cute metaphor about toys to support the logic leaps, but chapter four wasn't just sad, it was just painful and unpleasant, particularly with random raribitch.
ReplyDeleteWell that was depressing.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I don't understand the negative reaction to chapter 4 at all. I thought it was superbly written and really made the reader both think and feel throughout.
ReplyDeleteIt presents the couples and frames what their relationship looks like, then asks the reader to answer some tough questions about themselves. Who was right, and who ended up better off?
Did Fluttershy's unwillingness to break Rainbow's heart and Rainbow's loyalty to her partner leave them worse off or better off than Pinkie and Apple, because while (SPOILER) everything works out alright for them in the end, the road certainly wasn't pleasant.
It also asks, if you find that Flutterdash is worse off, you then have to ask yourself did they get it worse than Rarity and Twilight?
Overall, this was my favorite chapter. I love a happy WAFF-y story as much as the next pony, but tragedy is good for the soul too. This had the right mix of happiness and tragedy to could solidly as bittersweet, and I loved it for that.
The only real criticism I have is that I feel there is a missing scene. After Rainbow and Fluttershy back out, I picture Pinkie would want to do the same thing. After all, the way she thinks, the feeling is real - I feel it, so why does it matter how it got there? That isn't important. To applejack, her integrity is far more important - she would have to know. I believe from the the bottom of my heart that there should be a scene where Applejack talks Pinkie into going through with it. That also serves to add more tragedy to the story when they realize what a mistake they made, helps explain pinkie's bitterness during her conversation with Twilight at SCC, and (in my opinion) gives a more powerful reconciliation when they fall for each other again. (And possibly even a learning moment for Pinkie, as she might realize why it mattered in the first place)
My .02, take it how you will.
My only problem with Chapter 4 was that we didn't really get as much insight on the couples as we did in previous chapters. Previously we'd get some explanation as to how they all came together but this chapter seemed to lack it especially with the focal couple of Pinkie Pie and Applejack. I don't recall if we are ever even told how they fell in love with each other in the first place. I realize this isn't always necessary but I liked being able to see how the author felt each pairing could work.
ReplyDelete@Minalkra Time for a bunch of responses to comments!
ReplyDeleteYou wrote: "as to chapter 4, again, it was ... more serious than i was expecting. i liked the ending, in a way. just ... sorry. i was going to say i was probably not going to follow this but there is only more more chapter to go. here's hoping."
Don't be sorry! I realize the way I've gone about this won't be for everyone. Here's hoping indeed!
@DPV111 It may not make a lot of sense, but taboos have a way of morphing away from their logical core. If it makes you feel better, imagine that paragraph isn't in there. :)
ReplyDelete@Mr. Unsmiley I'm glad the masquerade worked so well for you. I'm not sure I really explored the 'limits of identity' concept all that much, but if you got that from it, excellent! That hypocrisy angle on Chapter 3 is something I hadn't consciously considered--thanks for the insight. I appreciate your review, and while no one can -tell- me how to write my stories, they can certainly influence me, as I am not an island! :-)
ReplyDelete@Greenf0xThanks for your perspective! The way I see it, Dash wants to be with Twilight primarily because she's so touched at Twilight's devotion to her, secondarily because she's a great 'catch', and tertiarily because they'll get to have sex that's good, if not great, as well. It's true, Dash won't shun Twilight when she's a mare, but they probably won't do much in bed then, either. They won't be having kids for a long time, though, with the life of a Wonderbolt so busy. It's true that it all happened quickly, and that dating would be more natural, but the demands of the moment required Rainbow and Twilight to make snap decisions. No time to stick around in Ponyville--it's now or never!
ReplyDelete@Shadow DragonGood point about Fluttershy. I'll change that paragraph slightly to emphasize that. :]
ReplyDeleteRarity was bitchy? I don't remember that part.
ReplyDelete@PhallenFoenixWell, as criticism goes, this is certainly constructive! Your suggestion for an extra scene has inspired me enough that I may go ahead and write it! It's true that AJ and Pinkie's relationship is a bit underdeveloped here. I figured that since Pinkie was my main point-of-view character, and the story was so long already, I'd just consider them covered. But on reflection, they could certainly use a little more development. :D As for the question of who's best and worst off, that's more or less what I was going for. Yay for bittersweetness!
ReplyDelete@Cola
ReplyDeleteYou are right! I feel like I missed a chance for creativity there. I'll see what I can do. :)
@Shadow Dragon
ReplyDeleteLove, hate, our entire identities and personalities and all out emotions are nothing but chemicals saturating our brains, provoking responses.
Love is not a force of destiny. It is a chemical in our brain generated in response to genetic conditioning telling us how to feel about someone.
Block that chemical and the love is gone, stimulate production and it's there.
Love is only real when we feel it, that is the nature of the reality of love. We feel love so we love. Whether that feeling is assisted by an outside force or not is irrelevant due to the actual nature of love.
They felt love. It was therefor real. They were happy. They threw it away on some stupid idea that chemical love is somehow more "right" than magical love.
I just realized that you had a Missed Moment of Awesome in not calling chapter 1-3 "Pinkie and the Brain."
ReplyDeleteWoah. That chapter 4 was... just wow.
ReplyDeleteNow I'm sad that it's the second-to-last chapter. This has been a real fun experiment, and I hope to see more from you once this is over.
Hey, everypony! I'm nearing the end of Chapter 5, the big conclusion...but in the meantime, inspired by reader feedback, I've added a scene at the end of the first subchapter, just after the scene with Luna. It's not exactly what you were looking for, PhallenFoenix, but it's close! I hope you all enjoy it.
ReplyDeleteConfound Chapter 4!
ReplyDeleteIt drives me to sadness!
..Well the very, VERY end was a little hopeful note. I liked that. "ApplePie" is the best ship name because it's an actual thing.
Dammit, behind on this! Chapter 3!
ReplyDeleteStraight, what? O.o How can she be combinatoricked? Also, flipping the script on sexualities? Come on, that's been done.
"You know out schedule."
Okay, so we've got RareJack (great ship, btw), and there's already been Twishy so... Oh boy, TwiDash! :D And PinkieShy! I'm excited again!
That's an awful lot of philosophy from Miss Dash.
What happened to Rarity? D: That's kind of ridic.
...Ohhh, it's all an act!
"Ah we in here first" "We never what curveballs"
Does farming really change with weather patterns? Or rather, are the weather patterns so changing, since they're manual?
This setup is so ridiculously complicated, and yet it makes PERFECT sense and suits them both fairly well, I'd say.
Whew, that was intense at the end. I'm glad it didn't go too far.
Okay, I can't even finish this chapter at the moment. Part 8 will have to wait for later!
Yay, final chapter - and what an awesome one it was! Everything about this chapter hit the right notes for me. Specifically, I liked that the twist / theme for this chapter was nothing at all what I might have expected. It did a very good job of being both a standalone story device *and* a way to wrap up the full series all in one. Also, it created the council of Scootaloo; which is quite frankly more awesome than my mind can handle right now.
ReplyDeleteOn that note, it's late, and my brain is still churning through what I've just read, so I can't comment as. . . coherently as I'd like. For now I'll just say "Bravo" on a well written tale, worthy of my 5 stars.
I think it's hilarious that Rainbow Dash is ashamed of being straight in Ch3 xD
ReplyDeleteI'm awed, and touched, and very satisfied with chapter 5. It had drama, and it had friendship and love, it had adventure and sorrow and hilarity (Interdimensional council of Scootaloo, you made me laugh like a loon!) and it all ends wonderfully.
ReplyDeleteA brilliant finish to what's been an ambitious and very good series of fics. Thank you for writing these!
Chapter 5 was definitely the best one. I loved how it transitioned between sad, funny and happy so smoothly. All of those moods done well too. Twilight's invention was a clever way to tie all of the stories together, I honestly didn't see that coming.
ReplyDeleteI was going to give this four stars before, but it's worth 5 after the final chapter. Great series overall.
Wow. That was really amazing! I havent seen many 4th wall fics, and this did that very well! Not my favorite ship combos, but it still worked! great job!
ReplyDeleteOkay, I just finished reading, and there is only one thing I can say.
ReplyDeleteWTF was that.
That was so much more than I had expected, hoped, or imagined for the finale. I cannot properly express myself as to how much I love this. I think that Chapter 5 alone deserves 6 stars. (Although I admit that in a very base way, Chapter 2 is still my personal favorite.)
ReplyDelete{{SPOILER}}
Also I wanted to thank you for an entirely new experience for me
When I read this:
"But then came the first Scootaloo."
My body decided to reflexively simultaneously mist up, laugh, and cheer. It was very strange to say the least and I can't say I didn't enjoy it.
Also I believe the 4.5 rating deserves a 5 star not 4.
ReplyDeleteThat was seriously one of the best heel-face turns ever. "But then came the first Scootaloos" indeed.
ReplyDeleteWow. And I predicted the dimensional traveling from the get go. Yay.
Scootaloos everywhere! Hahaha!
ReplyDeleteBrilliant ending.
@Melodia
ReplyDeleteI wasn't aware there even was a villain in this piece.
Okay, this needs to be a 6 star story now, especially after that chapter. I don't even know how this site can only give it 4, except that people are just uncomfortable with the very idea of it, and that's not criticism. You criticize a story for how it is, not simply what it is.
ReplyDeleteThis story is both more creative and well written then most of the 5 star stories I've seen on this site. And most of all, it's completely understandable. I don't get these folks who keep saying, "wtf?"
Give the story it's due already.
@wolfe-guardian
ReplyDeleteI agree with you. Technically the rating is at 4.5 (hover your mouse over the image of the stars) so it should be a 5 star story at least. This will always be on my personal 7-star favorites though. :D
I had un-rated this after chapter four, which I found needlessly dark and cynical, but good lord, chapter five was perfect. It had such a deep story about it, wonderful random humor, and the best execution of fourth-wall anything ever.
ReplyDeleteMy only request is that you now write a fic about Dashiepie and the Scootaloos tearing across the multiverse. That would be awesome
I was loving everything, including Chapter Four. Ignore the self-important neigh-sayers, that was a good chapter. Self-discovery, and in the end it hinted at the girls still loving each other and going back to one another to see if they could make it work without magic. Happy enough ending.
ReplyDeleteIn any case... Chapter Five, you blew my mind. I mean, it's right there, splattered against the wall. I almost started crying when Pinkie and Dash were getting ready to go through the fifth wall... and the tone struck me, and I realized I needed music for this. I went back to the beginning of the scene, and then turned on Row Row Fight the Power, and I -did- start crying, because it was perfect and goddamned Spiral.
All the lights in the sky are stars, and all my stars are for this series.
You read Double Rainbow, didn't you? That is what I thought of with dimension travelling Scootaloos and Rainbow Dashs. Sure that story was time, but it turned into multiple dimensions. Anyway, great story. It was a fun ride.
ReplyDeleteReally enjoyed this. Wonderful end to a wonderful story.
ReplyDeleteUmm... Wat did I just read of Twilight and AJ double dipping their hooves in the purple slimy gunk after their splattery brohoof?
ReplyDelete"And, Twilight's tail quivering, she returned her hoof to the tub for a double dip. AJ gladly did the same." Umm, did you just imply that Twilight had just invented a tree graft growth enhancing astroglide?
/)OɛO(\ Mind=Blown
Whoa, lots more to read now! Back to chapter 3... LONG POST INCOMING I'M SORRY I READ THREE CHAPTERS TONIGHT. FULL OF SPOILERS TOO.
ReplyDeleteHaha, Twilight's grown quite a lot in this one. I can feel the passage of time and how it's worked on her.
What happened to Fluttershy? D: Wow, seriously crazy!
Okay, but Pinkiezilla is kind of amazing. I didn't get a good feeling for their relationship in this scene, though, just... The weird stuff. c.c I do like how this is progressing, however; letting the third ship commence in the story is new for this story.
Whatever Twilight's doing, I'm probably not going to like it... D:
Daaaaah! Well, okay, I kinda figured that was one of the possible outcomes, but it's not as bad as I was anticipating. Eh, that was kind of easy though.
This chapter is so weird... All these relationships apparently take lots of work to make happen, and Rainbow's being way deeper than I think she is, analyzing everything. And then she just up and falls for Twilight because why not. Also, wtf strikeout paragraph. Still like chapter 2 better. Onto chapter 4!
Not a fan of foreshadowing in the authors' notes.
ReplyDeleteDamn, I'm wishing this was the TwiPie chapter. Their repartee is awesome! "But yes." XD
...Ooh, this means chapter 5 has PinkieDash. :D I'm excited now.
I realize now that you just write a really good Pinkie, and now I'm glad this is from her POV. Pinkie is being AMAZING in this scene. I'm even hand-waving the fandom referentials, which I tend to hate regardless of who says them.
...And now I just remembered what the author's note said. :( Dammit, I'm not going to be able to enjoy this now. See what I mean about author's notes? They go at the end!
"Starspinner"? Okay...
Are they opening with standup? Now that's something... "Oldest Troll"? XD Wow. So it's a roast. Not something I'd expect from either of them, really. I'm surprised at how much effect Pinkie's had on them, but then it makes the six of them feel like more of a cohesive friend-unit, even though half of them have yet to make an appearance.
Cruller trees! Beautiful!
You know, with a lot of the ships in this series, you wouldn't even know they'd really been shipped if not for the shipping environment of the series. Rarity and Twilight seem to owe a lot more to Pinkie than to each other.
Wow, that doozy from Pinkie's perspective was really something. I also really liked her train of thought up to that point, there's lots of depth to her in this!
Twi and Rarity didn't seem to have a whole lot of depth to them in this at first, but I sold this short! All it took was patience. This is such a good chapter.
Ohh, no, now this is gonna be sad as hell, whyyy. D:
That bit about her talking... Damn, her characterization in this chapter is through the roof. I think this is honestly the best Pinkie writing I've ever seen.
CRAZY HORRIBLE PAPER CULT
Oh god, that's the cutest fucking thing ever. I am bursting with joy.
Fluttershy's being adorable. :D Yay!
Wingding Magazine <-- best name for anything ever
The last line of that scene is powerful. Dammit, why did you have to put together a bunch of ships only to tear them apart? D: This is the most brilliantly heartbreaking interpretation for the Elements I have ever had the unfortunate privilege of reading. You've actually taken your own concept of "ship the mane cast together" and deconstructed it.
Dammit, what is with the struck out text? >.< Ruining the moment here!
Using Derpy is great. Also, I laughed at that joke, and I have NO IDEA WHY. So obviously, she's perfect for the position.
Wow, Pinkie bringing tears to my eyes without resorting to Pinkamina. My hat is off to you.
AGH AND THEN SUDDENLY HAPPY END YOU ARE A MONSTER ;______; Oh god, that was beautiful. I wouldn't call it better than chapter 2, but ONLY because I like laughing more than being sad. Because this is seriously better than even chapter 2.
Oh god, I should be going to bed now, but I want PinkieDash! ONWARD
I realize now that you've successfully told at least part of one chapter from each pony's perspective. Well done.
ReplyDeleteWhat the hell are they doing with the almost-perfected magical goop? D:
Granny's great in this.
Oh dammit, you just couldn't leave Rarity alone! Poor Fluttershy... ;_;
Good AJ/Big Mac interaction there.
"Lyra-style". Hah! You know, if she actually does that, I can't help but think they'd call it that.
Seeing Rarity like this is... I don't know, very emotional. I've never seen Rarity written wounded in this manner before.
Once again, shipping is happening mid-story; funny how I get bored of that normally and yearn for it in the one fic that has all the shipping already happen.
Would AJ be so quick to accuse Twilight of infidelity?
...Fourth wall what. I DO NOT EVEN.
Not to sell Pinkie short, but you're writing Applejack marvelously well in this, too.
Whoa, wait, first SpikeBelle and now SpikeBloom? You're just throwing in all the ships now, you silly!
OH NOW I GET IT @_@ Clever girl. And AJ has the best reaction.
Argh, Rarity's breaking down and I've got emo music playing and I'm getting weepy again. ;_;
(And secretly, Rarity's one true love was herself, all this time.)
I love Dash's reasoning behind all of this. "Eh, I'm fast enough."
Whoa, so they haven't even... Wha, Pinkie, what the hell kinda cockamamie logic is... It's Pinkie, nevermind. :V Bahaha, the pot of gold for putting laundry in!
Oh Twilight, you worry about the silliest things! :V
"The First Scootaloo" would be a great name for a story. Also, this is so ridiculously awesome I could just burst. It's either the best idea I've ever seen or the worst, and I'm too sleep deprived to tell the difference! >:V
WOW this is exciting.
DAMMIT I'm not going to get any of my favorite ship, am I? AM I???
Whew. That ending kinda blows my mind. This was SOME undertaking and I hope all of this fits into the comment form or I'm gonna be REAL sorry. D: Thank you for finishing this, for taking it all the way to the end, even if there were some bumps along the way and not everything was as successful as it could have been. 5 stars from me (which, well, I already gave it because I pre-read chapter 1 after all!) Best of luck in your next endeavor! :D
Okay, now let me drop some stats on you, as far as my overall impression on this story. Chapters, best to worst: 4, 5, 2, 1, 3
ReplyDeleteAnd now a little bit on each ship as you presented them. I'll bold the ones I thought were most effective.
RareDash: we didn't really get enough to go on, so it was a very weak ship.
Flutterjack: I loved this one! They work so well together!
TwiPie: I've seen other stories that convinced me this ship works, but this one I found odd, if only because balloon gas. c.c
TwiShy: Adorable, they're perfect for each other. One of the best.
Appledash: Wow. This is the best ship in this entire series.
Rarepie: I honestly do not remember what this one was like, so there you go. Didn't weigh down the chapter, at least.
Rarejack: realistically weird, I guess
Pinkieshy: so weird, so very very weird, to the point of Fluttershy being OOC; didn't get any depth out of them because I was too focused on wondering "WHAT WAS THE AUTHOR SMOKING"
TwiDash: too easy, just too easy, and I was disappointed, because I'm writing a TwiDash story where Rainbow's the one harboring the feelings, and I wanted to see how it played out from the other direction
Twility: they seem really comfortable with each other, which is important for these two
Flutterdash: didn't get to see them in action due to their relationship coming to an end
ApplePie: still best ship name; the way they got together was wonderful and THEN THEY STAYED TOGETHER SO MUCH LOVE ;_; I have been manipulated and I don't have to take it ;_;
TwiJack: again, feels a bit more told, but you've pulled out the things that do make them work
Rareshy: heartfelt and natural, if also heartbreaking
PinkieDash: pretty much nonexistant and I cannot TELL you how disappointing that is D: but no, it gets better as it goes, I'm just sad there's so little! It's wasted potential!
So now I have to ask: you read my shipping guide (that's the only reason I did this bit, btw): did it have any effect on this? Did it make you want to focus more on certain ships to prove me wrong? (I would hope if it had any effect at all, that would be it, but I'm okay if it didn't :)
DAT CHAPTER FIVE.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, this story just went from "really good" to "EPIC TIER".
The Council of Scootaloos has to be the best thing ever, of all time.
The only thing I find somewhat disappointing is that there wasn't enough FlutterDash for my tastes. :/
Oh well. This story was still totally amazing. :D
Loved the Council of Scootaloos, one of them even being a talking chicken. I could just imagine the chaos of 20+ Scootaloos in a single town running around. And 30 Pinkie Pies? How did their universe manage to handle that amount of randomness??
ReplyDeleteI think the saddest moment in this series was Twility from chapter 4. They seemed so well together at the start with their speech during Celestia's party, but fell apart after they removed their elements.
Hey Mr Author! I'm glad I inspired you to add a scene! I'm going to go read it now, then read the new chapter, and lets see if I'm up for a second wave of constructive criticism :D
ReplyDeleteThanks for your continued writing.
As you said, the scene was not as I envisioned but that hardly seems to matter - it addresses the same issue of why Pinkie would even care whether the feeling was inspired or original... mostly. The leap to it at the end was rather abrupt, but not overly so and it felt logical - or as logical as Pinkie ever gets. Additionally, it addresses some of the problems other people brought up - that we didn't get a clear picture of what brought Pinkie and Applejack together, and what made their relationship work in the first place. Frankly I always considered ApplePie something of a crackship, but you make its original both believable and fun to read.
ReplyDeleteFor what its worth, I consider the scene a tremendous success, but if I was writing it I'd add about three sentences to the end, leading to the question she asks herself.
On to the new chapter!
I...
ReplyDeleteI.......
I'm not sure I'm entirely up to to writing a good constructive criticism of that at the moment. It was good, well written, a pleasant read... and really #*$%ing strange. I need some time to collect my feeling about the entire thing.
What I can say in the realm of constructive criticism is this: Story wide, you are really, really good at writing the ends to chapters. I mean it. In every single chapter, the last 20 to 50 words were my favorite part of the story... including the wonderful callback to the story's description at the end.
It was a pleasure to stick with this story the whole way through.
AND ON A SIDE NOTE, LETS BE NaNoWriMo BUDDIES!
How many words in are you?
The Council of Scootaloos...BEST. CONCEPT. EVER.
ReplyDeleteOne of the most emotionally-satisfying fan fics I've ever had the pleasure of reading.
ReplyDeleteThis comes highly recommended from me.
Is it wrong that I'm more interested in the Interdimensional Council of Scootaloos and any possible fics detailing their adventures than anything else in the last chapter?
ReplyDelete*Minor spoiler*
ReplyDeleteThat part in chapter two about getting Twilight to watch was the first time I can remember properly laughing at a fanfic. That was excellent.
Chapter five spoilers below.
ReplyDeleteI... I just gotta say, I'm impressed. I think I missed chapter four, I'm gonna have to read it soon as I finish this comment.
Here I thought you were just writing random stories, only to find you've tied them all together in a finale of sorts at the end. Rarity is best pony so of course I was like DDDDDDD: because she just deteriorated soooo much and I seriously thought she was gonna die, I think if she did I would have cried ;_;
Man, this was great. Really, really great. Who'd have thought everypony x everypony would be such an interesting tale? It's kind of sad, knowing it's over, but I'm glad I read it. Kudos to you, brony, for crafting these tales. :D
Just read chapter four. Flutterdashhhhhhh D:
ReplyDeleteOh wow. Just finished chapter 5.
ReplyDeleteBrilliant. Utterly mad and brilliant!
Excuse me but I am just reading the fourth chapter and I had to say that probability cupcakes are cupcakes that cupcakes.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your attention.
Okay, I just finished the fourth chapter, and many manly tears were shed.
ReplyDeleteCurse you author !
Onward to chapter five !
@30eb973c-9d45-11e0-94a7-000bcdcb8a73
ReplyDeleteYes fic about rainbow pie multiverse travels and the Council of Scootaloos :)
@DPV111
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that line had a strong effect. :-) Before then, Scootaloo was mentioned twice in chapter 2, and that's it. I was saving her (subconsciously perhaps) for that moment, in order to heighten the impact of help coming from the most unexpected and silliest of quarters. 8)
I can just envision the way your cry sounded...!
@Melodia
ReplyDeleteYou called it, all right! In fact, I may even have been slightly influenced way back when you mentioned dimensional mix-ups in your first comment. ;)
@Present Perfect
ReplyDeleteThanks very much for the running commentary! I went through the chapters again, bit by bit, to find which comments of yours matched up with which parts. :)) I think I worked them all out. You made this richer for me.
As for your impressions of the ships--thanks! I think what happened what I got increasingly caught up in story and structure and so let the authenticity of the romance fall away a bit. I doooon't honestly think your shipping guide influenced my later chapters. Wish I could say it did, since many reader comments did...I just can't think of how it might've.
However, given that you and others had a O.O reaction to my FlutterPie, I admit I'm tempted to do something else with them. :>
@EonMaster
ReplyDeleteI fleshed out the bit with the 31 Pinkies, so you may want to go back and read that again. :]
I agree that Twilight and Rarity falling apart was sad, but for me, the saddest part in the series is when Rarity heads for home after spending a full day listening to the magic windows, and Applejack wonders whether she'll ever see her again.
Besides...I was going to have Spike bring this up in Chapter 5, but forgot. Spike isn't so much as mentioned in Chapter 4, but it's the only one where he ends up having a shot with Rarity, whom Twilight says at the end is "waiting for someone younger." Not somepony--someone. So maybe that break-up isn't purely sad. ;)
@dmon2
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you liked it, and glad Flutterdash had an emotional impact on you, though I'm not sure just what it was. You seem to be in good company there. As for Rarity dying, it was in fact my desire to trick some readers into thinking I would really do it. Muaahaha!! Maybe I should have had her hair fall out.
@Sam_Hunter
ReplyDeleteI know they are, mate! I know they are.
Did you ever finish Chapter 5? :-)
I... I have to admit. You lost me somewhere about halfway. I fought through it, though, and you did a wonderful job of wrapping everything up in the end.
ReplyDeleteChapter 3 gave me a headache. Physical pain. PinkieShy (a ship I've been longing to read) made my heart ache, in the worst of ways. It made no sense.
No matter what ship I read, I always long to see the bearers stay friends. Which fed into my HATRED of Chapter 4. It had its positive qualities, not the least of which was FlutterDash.
However, the biggest hit of all, what hurt the most reading this, was Pinkie's laughter, all but drained away by the absence of the element of laughter in Chapter 4. I almost stopped reading. I only kept reading because of spoilers in the comments. Had I been the first to read it, I never would have finished.
I would have regretted it. The ending was... perfect. It had just the right amount of meta. I gave it 4 stars, which is the least I feel this story deserves, even if you have to give a bit before you can get. (See what I did there? c:)
*clicks on bonus chapter*
ReplyDelete"You need permission to access this item.
You are signed in as [email], but you don't have permission to access this item. You can request access from the owner or sign-in as a different user."
Booooooooooo.
^This. Why send it to EqD if it has restrictions on it?
ReplyDelete^ People make mistakes, this isn't the first time an author did that here.
ReplyDeleteIt does work on Fanfiction.net, though it was a little screwy trying to access it at first. The direct link is http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7281053/6/
ReplyDelete@Krizak
ReplyDeleteThanks for the link.
As for the bonus chapter's contents: W.T.F?!?
That's meant in a good way, though. Twas as entertainingly random a story as one could possibly hope for from the weekly meeting of the Council of Scootaloos!
Loved it =D
Fun Fact: The word "Scootaloo" appears around 182 times this chapter.
ReplyDelete"Painbow Smash".
ReplyDeleteI laughed.
Also, that last chapter felt like one giant "Calvin and Hobbes" strip, which is of course excellent.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry! So sorry. (n.u)
ReplyDeleteHave set doc-u-ment sharable now. Like friendship and muffin and all good thing.
Am embarrass. Yet even so--was fun to see maybe ninety requests in e-mail to share Scootaloo.rtf...in fifteen different languages! :D International Scootafest for the win.
-Derpy Author
That was great. Although... the one thing missing from the story is a chapter from Fluttershy's perspective. Not sure how that would work or what it would be about... But I'm sure it would be "nice".
ReplyDeleteThe appendix was absolutely ridiculous and silly.
ReplyDeleteI love it.
Really, really enjoyed reading this! The ending to Chapter 3 was clever if a bit odd, Chapter 4 just hurt to read, Chapter 5 was mind screwy brilliance, and the bonus chapter was just gravy.
ReplyDeleteActually, Chapter 5 has given me a new love for Twi/AJ. You might see something from me with that ship before long...
@DPV111
ReplyDeleteTherefor it's somewhat ironic that Fluttershy is your story header pic...
Anyway this story has ruined me for shipping. Every time I read any shipping I now automatically compare it to this. I didn't like all the ships here, of course, and didn't enjoy how every one of them was handled, but looking back this fic did define certain things for me.
1: They say Rainbow Dash ships with everypony, but I actually enjoy almost no Dash ships. What this story shows though, is that in my opinion, Pinkie Pie ships with everypony best.
2: I used to think I hated AppleDash shipping. It turns out I only hate how most authors write AppleDash. Chapter 2 AppleDash was by far the best I have ever read and the only one I feel keeps the characters completely IC.
2.5: There is no such thing as an OTP, bad pair, or crackship. It doesn't matter the pairing, it matters how they are written.
4: Based on my reactions to shipping pairings and what I did and didn't like in this and other stories, if I had to pick a "Mane 6 everyship" it would be TwiShy, PinkieDash, RariJack.
5: Comedy x Pony is OTP.
A new chapter? I am so excited about this, you have no idea. I can't even imagine what this IS.
ReplyDeleteThat subtitle. Oh god. This is going to be amazing, I can feel it.
The fire-ants world... What the fuck was that. @_@
Dat Twilight. :V
So, uh, that was fucking amazing. I want to 5-star this fic all over again. Bravo!
I just read through everything in one go. I was sad. I thought you were going to end it with the saddest chapter of all, and I was ready to cry. Then I read that one line. That one, gorgeous line, that promised everything would be not only okay, but that everything I ever dreamed would come true, and would do so while covered in chocolate-flavored awesome, and it would be beautiful. That line that was the first in any piece of writing to make me literally do a double-take.
ReplyDelete"But then came the first Scootaloo."
That line is the single most brilliant thing ever read in the history of written language. If I could frame that line in context on my wall for all to see, I would not only do it, I would sell copies of it, and with all the money I'd make, I'd build a Scootaloo statue out of solid amazing to be used as the mascot for my company, 'But Then Came the First Scootaloo Inc.' which would be dedicated to the manufacture and sale of Scootalove, 100% of the proceeds from which would go directly to the Church of Scootaloo.
But I digress. The fic is beautifully written, I love all the stories, and I love how you somehow managed to tie them all together with one great big collective happy ending (WITH SCOOTALOVE! ALL THE SCOOTALOVE!) And, of course, I look forward to the next bonus chapter.
7/5 stars from me <3
I have to say.Personally.Chapters 4-bonus disappointed me.
ReplyDeleteThe whole thing changed from a view on the relationships from one pony's point of view to a self contained story in chapter 4 and a convoluted story in chapter 5.The bonus chapter shouldn't have even needed to exist.
Maybe it's just a personal gripe,but it irritated me that such a promising idea...lost its charm.
Chapters 1&2 were probably the best,as they stuck to the original idea of a singular view on all of the mane 6 and their relationships after they've had time to develop.Chapter 3 started the decline but managed to keep a majority of the charm and focus of the first 2.
Chapter 4,the whole thing changed,switching from a character driven story to an event driven one,keeping very little of the original style,which chapter 5 did away with completely,focusing very little on the couples and more on telling a story,which disappointed me.
So for chapters 1&2 5/5
Chapter 3 4/5
Chapter 4-bonus 1/5
This is all just my opinion however.
@Twilight Sparkle
ReplyDeleteI get what you are saying about the change in tone.
My question is, even though those parts were different from the earlier parts. Taken on their own, can you really say they were poorly written and unappealing enough to warrant a 1/5?
I for one loved the way the first 2 chapters handled things, but the way I see it every chapter was not just a different shipping combo, but a different type of story as well. In the end they were all slice of life, just with differing circumstances.
The later chapters might not be what you were expecting based on the early ones, but were they really "bad" in your opinion?
@DPV111
ReplyDeleteThe stories and overall handling of the couples felt forced,and while it didn't detract from the writing quality,the actual content itself severly lacked the charm of what drew me in in the first place.
They're not bad.Just...kinda killed by the shift in style,which again,felt forced.
I don't know,maybe it's just me,I'm a picky reader and an honest critic.
Maybe 1/5 is a little harsh,and chapter 4 on it's own is worth at least a 2-3/5.But the fact it was set up,semming only as a prelude to a Double Rainbow inspired,interdimensional ovararching plot device irked me.
.........Oh. MY GOSH!
ReplyDeleteInterdimensional Council of Scootaloos went about as well as I had expected.
You are still continuing this, right? Nothing has happened in the intervening months? I say the ICS could be split off into it's own fic, it's so awesomely amazing.
Well, this is what I get for stopping the insane levels of pony I was on over the summer. I finally check back in, and I've missed something awesome like this that was published a few months ago. I read the first 5 chapters a long while back, and could have sworn I sent in feedback, but it isn't on this page. Maybe I sent it in through Fanfiction.net? (I was musicssound back then, btw.)
Well, if I never did, I'll just let you know that this is one of the top three fics I've ever read. And this bonus update only made it better.
@modulusshift
ReplyDeleteGlad you liked the bonus chapter! I've gotten sidetracked by other projects and RP, so I haven't created any more pony fiction, but I still intend to.
You did indeed post a lengthy review on fanfiction.net! Thanks for that! I went back to reread it. Turns out that you're the reason Twilight-13 showed up during the Scootaloo Council. You asked why no Twilights seemed to have taken the interdimensional plunge, and I realized you were right. ;-)