[Crossover] [Grimdark] [Sci-Fi]
Author: Inquisipony Stallius
Description: In the grim darkness of the far future, there are only ponies! Equestria is assailed by countless foes from without, but only the shadowy Friendquisition can protect it from the enemies within. Can one Inquisipony and his team uncover a plot that threatens to destroy everything they hold dear? Or will sinister forces prevail in an MLP future that has become like the Warhammer 40k universe, the original grimdark franchise?Archives of the Friendquisition Volume 1
Archives of the Friendquisition Volume 2 (Update Part 33!)
Archives of Friendquisition (Alternate)
Additional Tags: Warhammer 40000, Action, Adventure, EMPRA!
54 comments:
...Go on, then.
ReplyDeleteWarhammer 40k? IN PONY FORM? AWESOME.
ReplyDeleteOUR DEATHS WILL BE MAGNIFICENT~! FOR THE EMP'RA!
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty Rainbow Dash needs to scream "FURY FROM THE SKIIIIIES" before crashing down onto a bunch of Orks.
Orks better be warthogs...
ReplyDeleteBecause they work as orks!
THIS IS AWESOME... and gazelles should be Eldar.
ReplyDeleteOh god. This is beautiful. Two of my most favorite things in the world...
ReplyDeleteCOMBINED.
its a chimera!
No one expects the Equestrian Inquisition. Or at least I didn't.
ReplyDeleteAm i the only one who can see gummy the carnifex?
ReplyDeleteNobody expects the trixie friendnquisition!
ReplyDeleteThe Segmentum Equiar, the cradle of ponies. Here is Equies, known to antiquity as Equestria, the heart of pony kind. An empire of a million worlds, the Equium stretches across the galaxy. Besieged from without by parasprites and distaters, attacked from within by doubt and strife among friends, for 10,000 years it has endured, protected by mighty herds of warships, and legions of genetically engineered friendship marines. It is the 41st millenium, and there is only FRIENDSHIP AND MAGIC!
ReplyDeleteWarhammer 40k?
ReplyDeleteThat is *literally* the most grimdark sci-fi franchise known to man.
I'm sorry, but if this fic doesn't feature Chaos Gods raping entire systems and Pony Marines casually recieving Exterminatus orders to commit mega-genocide, its gonna be a letdown. :(
This would be the third 40K fic I've seen on this site. The Luna Heresy is still far better.
ReplyDeleteYessss.... YES
ReplyDeleteFinally, Some 40k crossed with MLP:FiM!
@mycutiemarkisagun
ReplyDeleteHey, maybe it'll be like "The Luna Heresy" with its hints that Luna, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity respectively become the hosts for Tzeentch, Nurgle, Khorne, and Slaanesh. BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD PONY, SKULLS FOR THE SKULL STABLE!
it's nice, i suppose. but it lacks the true disheartening ennui (not ennui, the proper word escapes me at the moment, forgive my inarticulateness) of the real Warhammer 40K series. the Friendquisition fights for a brighter future, they have hope. Warhammer 40K is about fighting to maintain what exists within the Imperium (and usually only holding on to that by inches and rivers of blood) and the unending sense of hopelessness (that's the word i was looking for, how ever did it escape me?) it exudes is lacking here.
ReplyDeleteit's more Noblebright than Grimdark so far. also, it reminds me more of Warhammer, the fantasy game, instead of Warhammer 40K, the sci-fi one. it exists on a single world, it lacks the high technology (lost and poorly understood though it may be), and it's just not as massively ridiculous as 40K. also, magic doesn't seem to be as hated, though how it could be in ponyland i can never imagine.
i couldn't finish though, ran out of time. i was up to the Rouge Trader bit, in the shop. it was lacking some descriptions but mostly well written. i couldn't get a good feel for any of the scenery, i mean. maybe add some more about what the ponies see? the characterization is really good so far, though. that's always been my Achilles heel in writing, so kudos.
@Minalkra
ReplyDeleteThanks, that's some thought-provoking critique.
Perhaps I just don't feel it's appropriate to turn up the grimdark to true 40K levels. This tale is still taking place in Equestria after all, and no matter what, I don't think it could ever truly be as bad as the 40K universe. I wanted to blend the genres (mostly because I think the very idea is funny) and come out somewhere in the middle. Maybe that puts me nearer to the WH Fantasy feel, but that's okay, because that's not far from what I'm imagining. Warhammer takes its hopelessness up to eleven, but MLP takes its hopefulness equally as far. It's the dissonance that results that I'm trying to utilize, and it would be lost if I went too far one way or the other. Still, I'll probably be easing into a little more seriousness eventually, but still keeping some silliness. I hope.
Anyway, I'm off to work on the next chapter, and I'll definitely be looking at improving description for you. Though, the danger then would be over-doing it.
Ave Imperatrix Celestialis
Man, no one ever does Pinkie Pie as an inquisitor,and she's perfect for the part.
ReplyDeletethink about the big =][=:
All of them are xenophobic wackos who will assume anyone who deviates from the norm is either a witch, a monster or some other nasty (she's an evil enchantress...)
They're all loco in the coco.
despite distrusting and prosecuting psykers it's astounding how many of them have precognitive talents like reading the tarot, scrying or having "twitches".
Now, tell me which of the mane 6 has successfully coerced a biased confession out an innocent, flayed apart the sanity of a techno-cultist, lauged her plot off in the face of eldritch abominations and successfully chased and capured the same ultra fast mark not only once, but twice?
besides, Pinkisition just rolls off the tongue
@fakeguy
ReplyDeleteWell, she's already the head of the 1984-esque Ministry of Morale in Fallout: Equestria.
I'm really glad to see the work I've contributed to/reviewed is put up on EqD. This is what I work for.
ReplyDeleteExcellent work, Stallius.
Haha this is going to be a read, even though I hope to the Dark Gods this lives up to both franchises here, I'm a Heretic I know, but theirs no way I could bring myself to killing the Great and Inquisitorial Trixie. Fun fun fun, I need to start doing 40k pony crossover. Art that is, I know for sure I couldn't compete in most of these fan-fic line's but I think I'd do good. ANYWAYS! 40K TIME!
ReplyDeleteIt's guaranteed that sinister forces will prevail in a Warhammer 40,000 universe because that's the only kind there is.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sAn7baRbhx4
ReplyDeletenobondy expects the pony Friendquisition
@Inquisipony Stallius
ReplyDeletethere's another WH40K fic somewhere in the depths of EqD that essentially is a literal 'WH40K but with ponies' instead of a re-imagining that yours is. so don't worry about grimdarking it up too much, us grimdark fans have that to look forward to.
the issue, uhm, wrong word. the ... thing is? the thing is, the dissonance is, uhm, lacking a bit when it's not as grimdark as WH40K. the cheery and hopeful ponies brought to such ends as the crazy nasty of the Imperium. it's not gone, it's just ... not as stark a contrast?
the reason i mentioned fantasy Warhammer is to maybe ... give you inspiration? kinda walk the thin line between the fantasy WH and the sci-fi WH40K, that would be really swell. anyway, one of these days (probably soon) i'm going to go back and read the rest of this. sorry i haven't yet ...
and, uhm ... death to the false Emperor. All shall follow the Changer of Ways, by their will or against it. if that's ok with you, i mean.
I like the series so far, but it a lot of the time the Inquisition Burns planets and sends out entire chapters to rid them of chaos. . .so why are they trying to fix everything themselves?
ReplyDeletealso why are there so many inquisitors on one world? usually it's only one inquisitor.
@DesertStar
ReplyDeleteTO I know the Inquisition is usually thought of as just swooping in and burninating everything, but they usually have to do some investigating to determine where the threat is, and how best to deal with it. Once the root of the problem is found, then they call on an appropriate response, be it the Imperial Guard, Space Marines, or in the most hopeless of cases, exterminatus. That's a last resort, though, and forcibly requisitioning any additional aid would be considered wasteful and counterproductive if the Inquisitor hadn't yet uncovered the true source of whatever uprising or conspiracy they were sent to deal with.
Caballus is the only significant Inquisipony character in this story right now. An important part of the lore for Inquisitors in 40K are their retinues, where they gather uniquely talented individuals, and employ them to further their goals. I'm guessing you mistook the other characters, who are such "Throne agents," for fellow Inquisiponies? They are not. Roughshod's team role amounts to basically hired muscle, and Mystic is the equivalent of a Sanctioned Psyker. And there's only technicallyone "world" in this story. I'm just treating Equestria as though it were the Imperium, with different towns and locations taking the place of what would be entire worlds in a normal 40K story.
For examples of both of these themes, I would recommend the "Eisenhorn" and "Ravenor" trilogies by Dan Abnett (which I will admit, have probably had a heavy influence on this story). Both are good examples of Inquisitors doing the investigative "legwork" that goes on behind the scenes of the tabletop-style battles, and both feature supporting casts that are just as interesting and developed as the Inquisitors themselves.
Grandfather Nurgle no! This is the ONE franchise that needs to stay pony free.
ReplyDelete@fakeguy Kkat did something similar in Fallout Equestria, where she was in charge of rooting out the traitors.
ReplyDeleteOnce the Dark Eldar appear, it will be Cupcakes all over again *shudder*
ReplyDeleteSeriously though, gonna give it a try, looking forward to the Necrons.
@Fenrir
ReplyDeleteThere are actually a lot of references to disharmony and no chaos - and that omega sign reminds me of the ultramarines sign... I have to say the non earth ponies could very well be from an expanse somewhere ;).
Totally stealing this for a Dark Heresy mission.
ReplyDeleteGreat stuff. I love the fact that you're not totally Grimdarking the crap out of this--I swear, just about every fanfic that pops up on ED lately has the "Grimdark" tag. You seem to be nicely riding the edge between seriousness and occasional comedy (Sniffles the Nurgle Marine is a stand-out for me).
ReplyDeleteOh, and I was half expecting the "Diggers" to turn out to be the pony version of the Squats. That may be dating my involvment with 40K, though :3
THANK YOU FOR ACNOLOGING 40K AS THE ORIGINAL GRIMDARK
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure part 10 has already been posted in a story update a couple of days ago.
ReplyDelete@Dragatus
ReplyDeleteThat is an illusion, but it was nice of you to notice. Before, I would write two chapters, add them, get them proofread by someone else, and then request this story page to be updated, so that EqD readers would only see "finished" chapters.
I added chapter 9, and was waiting for the proofreader, when the page was updated without my asking. Soon after, I added chapter 10, made edits to both, and requested this part 10 update.
For the foreseeable future, I'll probably be proofreading myself, so the gap between adding and requesting an update will probably be much smaller.
I'm gonna start this over from the beginning because it's been a while and I have a lot to catch up on.
ReplyDeleteI read the comment above about trying to blend the hopelessness of WH40K with the hopefulness of MLP, and I think the word "Friendquistion" does that in a nutshell. It just gives me chills! Also, pies.
I notice the writing in this gets steadily better as time progresses; by chapter 3, I'm fully immersed in the setting.
Why did I not get the joke in Tier Ver Kaufer's name the first time? It's so obvious!
All right, leaving off at chapter 4, I think I may have almost caught up with where I left off, oh so many moons ago, because I remember this scene and what happens next. I'm enjoying this all over again. :D
Back to chapter 4! Sniffles is best pony.
ReplyDeleteChapter 5! There's a "some form gambling". Western adventures, in Warhammer? It's more likely than you think.
Chapter 6! Man, this is a fast read. Roughshod's got a twitchy punching hoof, hah!
My mind still reels at the effectiveness of dessert items as ammunition. What's so bad about getting by a pie? @_@
I want to know more about the Arboates now. I can't even figure out how to pronounce that word. <.<
Chapter 7! Mystic becomes more interesting as time passes. The mix of action and downtime is paced well, to boot.
Chapter 8! Maybe I'll catch up today! Err, and the chapter 8 link points to chapter 5. ._.
That "proceeded" ought to be "preceded".
Yeah, waving around authoritative threats like that is a lot of fun. :D
Whoa, Mystic has the Rarity thing going on! I take it that's standard for unicorns, then, or at least not unheard of.
Chapter 9 and things are heating up! Yay for Sniffles, he's got power armor! :D
Regarding the luminator, I find it interesting how faith and spirits seem to affect all corners of life in this world. Also what Fyzzix was saying about his servos and whatnot.
"It is dry." Hah! Great line.
Chapter 10! I'm suddenly very glad that this story is all in one piece. Don't need to click anything to keep going!
WHAT IS IN THOSE CUPCAKES? The dessert weapons are perhaps the greatest triumph in world-blending I have ever seen.
Okay, Warhammer Diamond Dogs are fucking scary. Yessss!
Chapter 11 and I'm done for now! I curse the shortness of these chapters, knowing that there isn't anything beyond this one. D:
One thing I'm enjoying too is that these four aren't all from the same department, so to speak, but they're all cooperating with no problem. Caballus' comment about the Ordo Zoonos, too. Lends more credence to the idea that they're working for the right side.
Wait, what is this, Chapter 12? :O Right, Seth's not back from Bronycon yet. I feel like I'm getting away with something now. :3
"odil paintings"? Not sure if that's intentional.
I really am glad to see that Sniffles is turning out to be a major bad guy.
"ever damn Digger". Missing capital on "for you..." I get the feeling this isn't entirely finished...?
Ooh, and then it ended! I can't wait for more. :D
As an aside, why is this only star-4? It's a 5-star story at least, if I ever saw one. :/ That's a damn shame and you need some more exposure, I think.
@Present Perfect
ReplyDeleteMy sincerest thanks, good sir. For both the proofreading spots (all now fixed) and the praise. When you first left me a comment about the story, you said you weren't familiar with WH40K, but it sounds now like you might have looked into it a little since then. I wouldn't suppose I had anything to do with that, did I? ;) To address some of your points:
I think the dessert-ammo convention is one my favorite parts of this crossover idea, too. Pies are the canonical weapons of war in MLP, so it stood to my reason that they and a variety of other desserts would fill the same roles as bolters and lasguns.
In 40K, the Adeptus Arbites (from the latin root meaning "judge") are the interstellar police force of the Imperium, as opposed to the military (Imperial Guard), secret police (Inquisition), or "paramilitary" organizations (Space Marines, Sisters of Battle, etc). They were stylistically influenced by the "Judge Dredd" comics, so that might help give you an idea of their attitude and methods. Or the Lexicanum wiki. I can waste a lot of time there looking up little Warhammer details. I added Hairtrigger as a sort of Western lawman to maybe add something to the group, and the Western elements can work in a pseudo-scifi setting (in a Mos Eisley/Firefly kind of way). As for the word, I just took "Arbites" and put the word "oat" in it for ponyness.
As I flesh out the plot of the entire story, Mystic's role in it has taken a bit of a spotlight-stealing complexity. The things that happen to her specifically have forced me to think about the effects on her character more often than the others so far. The focus was always intended to shift a little from character to character as the story puts them in various situations, but I apologize to anyone who thus far thinks this is a Mystic-fest. And I figure a little Rarity-esque horn-dragging is when Fate takes a more direct hand in advancing the plot.
The table of contents is automatically generated by the Google doc, based on the headings. I don't know how to fix it.
While there may be minimal religious references in MLP, 40K leaves no question as to the pervasive role that faith has in the daily life of the Imperium. And because of the decay of scientific knowledge, much technological knowledge has been replaced by superstition. Even the tech-priests, who know more than most, treat machines as sacred, and automated systems as "machine spirits." Obviously, I'm just hooking onto that. Also, in a lot of 40K fiction, they give mundane technology, like flashlights and radio, more futuristic names, like luminators and vox.
By now, I hope that it's obvious that Diamond Dogs are analogous to the Dark Eldar. They are non-humans/ponys, who capture slaves and favor hit-and-run tactics. And if you know anything about the Dark Eldar, I'm probably not making them scary enough.
Now that you mention it, I had intended for any future interpersonal conflict within the team to be more philosophical than based purely on allegiance to different organizations. In general, I could just say that ponies get along better than their frequently power-jostling Imperial counterparts. And the particular backgrounds in this group don't really support it either, I don't think. Perhaps this might come into play with new characters later, though.
I do strive to make my villains as interesting as my heroes. If you like Sniffles, I guess I did pretty well.
@Present Perfect
ReplyDeleteMy post got a little text-wally, so I had to split it. to continue:
I won't presume to say what rating my own story ultimately deserves (I haven't even given it one myself, out of fairness). All I can do is give it my best and let the readers decide. My only explanation is that some of the Warhammer fans who read it have their own ideas of what a 40K story should be like (Spess Muhreens, big battle scenes, over-the-top violence, etc), and I just went a different direction, and it might be harder for them to get enthusiastic about it. Also, a lot of the votes have been cast when far fewer chapters were out. I would encourage those readers to re-evaluate my writing much when it's further along, to see what they think of a more complete product.
I certainly don't think I'm a slouch when it comes to my creative writing, but I'm too modest/insecure to make any bold claims about its quality. If you or anyone has ideas on how I might get more exposure, I'm certainly open to suggestions. Self-promotion isn't very natural to me, nor do I feel quite right about hawking a story that's only, by my estimation, a third of the way done. It's taken six months for just these 12 chapters, and I'd feel bad to let excited new readers down with a measly ~5K words of new content a month.
Originally, I had failed to notice that the settler ponies of Applemattox blaming all their problems on creatures called "Diggers" may have been problematic, by way of a word it rhymes with. I considered the name an elegant, concise and "flavorful" alias based on their behavior, in line with the culture of Applemattox. By the time I realized the problem, I had already written a couple chapters using it, and I just hoped that it wasn't so glaring. Unfortunately, some recent feedback I received pointed it out, so I've changed the name to "Deep-Grabber." For fans who have been reading a while, I hope the change isn't too jarring.
ReplyDeleteHey colts, I haven't read this, and am wondering, are there any Tau references in here? Because that'd be my only reason to read this.
ReplyDelete@Shas'o Orion
ReplyDeleteNo, there are not any references to the Tau, and it is unlikely that there will be. I'm sorry that I couldn't entice your readership with an otherwise perfectly good MLP/40K crossover, and I wish you luck on your search for one that better suits you.
@Inquisipony Stallius:
ReplyDeleteThat's... an amazing leap. c.c Probably for the best.
And I'll tell ya, it seems this fic is more for non-Warhammer fans who are looking for a great grimdark setting that isn't too dark. I mean, this is really the best example I've ever seen of how to blend pony with anything grimdark and still have it be pony.
I should be writing, but there is no better reason not to than this newest chapter! :D
ReplyDeleteThat bit about curiosity is interesting. Makes me think life for ordinary ponies in this world must be awfully humdrum.
"Loxodont": good word. :D
Curses, that was painfully brief. D: Mostly description, but it's good to see more of what they're up against.
O.o
ReplyDeleteOops. Well that was... oops. XD
Thank you for the Fluttermanders. Just...just thank you. The image of Fluttershy as Vulkan is absolutely perfect.
ReplyDeleteTime to read! Chapter 14! Man, why'd the cover image change? :( I miss Trixie.
ReplyDeleteOh gross, he leaves a mucus trail? @_@
And still, that they're surprised cupcakes would do nothing to power armor never ceases to amaze me.
"wretched her head": wrenched
"Hairtrigger dig himself": dug
What? Why is Roughshod of all ponies quoting Pinkie? <.<
"they ensnaring the armored": ensnared
There's an "IIt."
That litany is awesome. :D And it worked! ...And whoa. @_@ Is this a good thing? Chapter 15 will tell us!
I really like the word "destrier".
"Fluttermanders". :D Oh, I like this. OH DAT DRAGONSHY REFERENCE HELL YES!
Ooh, something from the bad guys' POV? How clever.
I like "dagburn" too. :D And "moonbrained".
Man! You never cease to keep a creepy vibe in this story. On to Chapter 16 while I still have time!
"Canis rhombus"? Well done. Also, the "rhombus" should not be capitalized. >.>
Party cannons! XD
And you never cease to provide humor, either! CYCLONIC FRUITCAKE
APOSTLES OF SMOOZE YES YES YES YES YES
"streaming out of one of a structure": I think something funky is going on here. <.<
"Confectionatus", where do you come up with this stuff? It's brilliant!
Oh lordy and that terrifying. I was literally shaking while reading that description.
Hah! I thought with that name the airship had to be involved with Tier somehow.
Oooh, two more and I'm caught up, but that will have to wait. This continues to entertain and amaze. :D
Ho ho ho, I have time to keep reading! I'm rather excited about this. :D
ReplyDeleteAgain, the terminology is just wonderful. "Drill Abbot".
"already sporting cutie marks": should be sported, or else take out 'as' further up the sentence.
Ah, I wondered if this might not be a flashback. :D Interesting to see!
"not even daring to breath": breathe
Inquisipony Banehoof? :3
Whoa, this is on Fimfic? You ought to toss the link to Seth next time you update, give people the ability to rate and fave it. (I mean, I sort of glossed over that, no doubt most other readers have as well, looking instead for the ToC.)
"you flank!": your. Unless she's insulting him, I guess. :V
Uh-oh, that "little push" phrase. D: You dastard! On to chapter 18!
It's nice, in this chapter and the last, to see how good life in Equestria is for those not deemed heretics. I mean, there's a dark edge to that, but at least not everything is doom and gloom; we've just been seeing the seediest underbelly because that's what Caballus and crew deal with on a daily basis.
"she head hooves": heard
Oh dear. D: That "not anymore" was very effective!
There's a "srue". Granted, now I've switched into the fimfic version; hopefully it's the same.
"we're meeting here," Mystic.": Mystic accidentally a word.
Sign of the Cog! :D
Oh. Shit. Well, that was a bad idea, it seems. D: And goddammit, another short chapter! You wound me so. Can't wait for more!
@Present Perfect
ReplyDeleteGlad to have you back. If you prefer FimFiction, I can certainly oblige, as I feel the comment system is vastly superior to this one. I'll be addressing your critique there.
@Inquisipony Stallius
ReplyDeleteNah, I'd rather reply here. I don't like doing long replies on fimfic. :B
So now we get a little explanation for what's been happening to Mystic. Dire. There's a "two day" that should be 'days'.
It's usually spelled "perp", unless he's talking about somepony who is purple.
I realize that Roughshod is now voiced by Kevin Michael Richardson in my head. <.<
"filled the clanks": missing 'with'
Blast, so short! Things continue to be interesting though.
@Present Perfect
ReplyDeleteVery well. Thanks for the catches. I'll accept that voice interpretation, as it's a pretty sweet one. In my head, it's not quite that deep, and maybe with a bit of a New York accent, particularly with the "boss."
I'm out of school now, so I might be able to get you your long chapters now, or at least short ones faster.
By Inquisitorial rite I declare this as triple heresy. I also declare Extremis Diabolus on the author of this abomination. As I speak I am requisitioning astartes support from the Angry Marines to aid in purging this abomination.
ReplyDelete@Cj
ReplyDeleteI believe it was Inquisitor Gregor Eisenhorn who said "The guilty and the polluted fight. They deny. They struggle. In my lifetime, I have brought down nine marked Diabolus. None went quietly."
I will not flee this accusation, nor will I meet such force with force. I suspect your rush to violence is borne of fear, fear that your claims are baseless, and that if we were to call a full Inquisitional Conclave to hear them, you would be the one found wanting. Let us place it before our peers then. If you are right, if my crimes are not imagined, what have you to fear?
I've been so looking forward to this. :3 Looks like it's time for me to switch to fimfic; the GDoc is crashing this laptop's browser, lol!
ReplyDeletePriesthood of Cloudsdale: more crossover lingo that I love, and maybe the most pony-specific reference yet?
No technology is complete without a final 'ding'. :D
I like this setup of "The Arboates around here aren't really doing their job, can't really do their job, and we're not doing it for them."
Party cannon! :D
Darn, just a short stopover this time. The plot thickens nevertheless!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete